


Honor Bound 2 & 3

by whump_tr0pes



Series: Honor Bound Universe [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexuality, Blood and Gore, Bounty Hunters, Caning, Canon Non-Binary Character, Captivity, Dissociation, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Lovers, Escape, Field Surgery, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gen, Honor Bound, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Minor Character Death, Mutual Non-Con, Muzzles, On the Run, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape, Recovery, Redemption, Rescue, Revenge, Safehouses, Sequel, Slow Burn, Team as Family, Torture, Unrequited Love, Waterboarding, Whipping, Whump, field medicine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:28:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 83
Words: 223,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22179349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whump_tr0pes/pseuds/whump_tr0pes
Summary: In Honor Bound the team did what they could to survive, striking at the syndicates who destroyed their lives. They find that they can't run from their past, and a familiar face appears bringing both good and bad with them.(I decided to split this one into two books when I publish them, it just got too long!!)
Series: Honor Bound Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595560
Comments: 157
Kudos: 56
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just like with Honor Bound chapter titles will be the prompts that inspired each chapter.

Gavin's stomach burned with an almost unbearable anticipation. _I've never had two to play off each other before. And Vera...god, I want to break Vera._ His hand tightened on the collar around Tori's neck and he dragged her higher. She choked and thrashed weakly against his grip. 

Vera took a step forward... _god_ , that burning in her eyes, that desperation to protect Tori, to help her...the things he could do with _that._ He imagined how she would look when he hurt Tori, _really_ hurt her. His mouth watered. 

"Ah ah ah." His father's voice was low. "No." She shuddered and her muscles locked. He could see her straining forward, towards Tori. "Good girl. No, you're going to come back and stay with me."

"And I figured, why don't I stay with my dad for a while and bring Tori?" A laughed bubbled out of his chest, a warm rush of excitement and pleasure. "Let you two actually be together, considering how cute you are. And considering how much we can teach Tori about how to hurt you. She wants to so badly, you know." He'd seen it. That spark of shame in her eyes, the way she shut down when he asked her about it. Tori's struggles were growing weaker. 

"Tori..." Vera's voice was hollow, tortured. He let the collar go and Tori slumped to the floor at his feet. 

"And, you're going to be so good for us." Gavin's stomach lurched at the hopeless terror in Vera's eyes as his father cradled her face. "Because if you don't...I'm going to make you kill Tori." Gavin's heart sank for a moment. _I want to be the one to do it. I want to kill her._ He considered, though, the abject torment that would rip through Vera's body if he forced her to pull the trigger. If he broke and broke and _broke_ her until she did it herself. His mouth was dry. "You were together for a few months, yes? You love her?" Her eyes were fixed on Tori as she nodded. "Hm. Then you're going to behave for me, aren't you?" She nodded again.

Gavin's laugh was mirthless, cruel. He was buzzing with pleasure. "Wish I'd have known this trick with you before, Vera. Coulda saved myself a lot of overhead. And a lot of hospital bills." Rage swept through him and he kicked Tori in the back. 

Vera's body jerked like she'd felt the blow, too. Gavin watched as she spiraled into herself, collapsing, _breaking_ , giving herself over to the hopelessness. Bitter tears streamed down her face as she looked down at Tori, her chest heaving with sobs. Gavin felt a flutter in his chest at the sight of her. 

Then something changed. The pain in Vera's eyes dropped away. _She's under. She's ours._ A grin spread across his face. Vera stepped towards his father, pressing her body against his. She turned her face into his neck, nuzzling gently. _Is this what he made her? Is this what I could make her again?_ An entirely different sensation flooded through him, familiar, strange. Warmth, heat, pressure, starting in his throat and moving lower, through his chest, through his abdomen, lower still... It was the feeling he'd gotten seeing Isaac in chains. It was the same thing he felt when he'd looked into Isaac's eyes and saw that desperate struggle to stay strong, feeling the break coming, as inevitable as the tide... He swallowed. _I can make her beg me, too. I can make her do that._

"Hm," his father whispered. "I might not even have to break you in again." Her eyes dropped to Tori, huddled on the ground, wailing into the gag in her mouth. In that moment, Gavin realized he'd made a mistake. 

Vera had the look he'd seen on Isaac's face when he'd threatened Sam's life. Just before Isaac had almost killed him. Vera's eyes snapped to Gavin's. The only thing he saw was cold, vicious rage. Terror swept through him before he could process what that meant. 

She raised her arm and fired off a single shot. 

He flew back, shock wiping his mind blank before he even felt the impact. The breath rushed out of him, punched out by the bullet. He was falling, hanging in the air for what seemed like an impossible eternity, falling, falling. Then he hit the floor. The impact shattered him. _There_ was the pain. _I can't breathe._

 _"NO!"_ His father's voice was distant, like he was shouting from across a lake. His eyes rolled in his head. He convulsed against the piercing agony in his chest, heaving and choking against the blood he could already feel bubbling in his lungs. _"BAD GIRL."_

He tried to push out a breath, push out a single word. _Help._ This was not like the pain that clutched him when Isaac had beaten him senseless. This was deeper. More vital. 

This pain was going to kill him and he knew it. 

His eyes found his father, clutching at Vera's throat, holding her back. He sobbed in terror and pain. He tried to raise a hand to reach out to his father, to beg him to help, to beg him to turn around and cradle him and carry him out of that house. His limbs felt like they were made of lead. He was paralyzed by shock and jagged pain. He could only lay crumpled on the floor and watch in disbelief. 

He could only watch as Vera was consumed by a feral rage. He could only watch as she lunged at his father, could only listen as his hand pressed against her throat until the breath whistled out of her, could only watch in uncomprehending horror as Vera opened her mouth against his father's throat. Could only watch as she sunk her teeth into his flesh and ripped. 

The scream that broke from his father's throat was inhuman. He sounded like an animal being torn apart. Vera's eyes flashed as she lunged in again, tore at his throat again. He could hear the flesh crush and tear under her teeth. Could hear the wet rip and bubbling sound as his father's trachea was torn open. He could hear the blood pour out onto the floor, sounding like a bucket had been overturned. He watched, helpless, as she ripped into him one more time. 

The smell of blood was heavy in the room. He was dizzy with it. _Mine, or his?_ Vera was covered in it, great rivulets of blood coursing down her chin, her neck, turning the front of her shirt and pants a brilliant, impossible red. She looked like a nightmare. She looked like a monster. 

Gavin's mind twisted around a single, incomprehensible truth. _She killed my father. She tore out his throat with her own teeth._ A shudder coursed through his body as his very being rebelled at the thought. _No._ His father, dead on the floor, sprawled only a few feet away from him. His father, the man who had taught him to hurt people, taught him to hurt _her_ , was torn open, bleeding, empty. His throat closed around a tortured sob.

An agonizing chill settled over his body as he realized something else: _if I move she's going to kill me too._

He trembled on the floor, his breaths coming ragged and harsh. Tears streamed down the sides of his face into his hair and onto the carpet. All his thoughts, all the terror in his mind intensified and narrowed down to a single point: _I don't want to die._

She was speaking. The woman, the _plaything_ that had torn out his father's throat, she was talking, her voice pitched high and tense. A wave of sickness passed over him. _Please, please don't kill me, please..._ Another voice rose. Tori. The one Vera had killed for. His throat clicked as he swallowed his terror, his terrible awe. Every breath sent an unbearable pain stabbing through his chest. His fingers dug into the carpet. He heard his pulse pounding in his ears. The words swirled through his head, confusing, meaningless. He could only grab one at a time, hold it in place, deduce the meaning, lose it again. A delirious realization passed through his mind. _I was wrong about her._ He felt like his chest was sinking into the floor. It would drag the rest of him down with it, he was sure. He was _dying._

His mind drifted, untethered from his body, adrift in a sea of unending agony. Every breath, every breath, in, out, in, out, was pain. It was _torture_. 

The pain flared and brought him back. He dragged in a desperate inhale. It took all of his strength to lift his head. 

He was alone. 

He heaved out a sob. His hand moved to his pocket, inch by inch. His fingers closed around his phone. His eyes fell on his father, the grotesque, butchered corpse that had stopped bleeding now. The corpse that was empty.

He cried out as he pulled the phone from his pocket, hands shaking. He lost his grip on the phone and it _thump_ ed to the floor beside him. He sobbed in helpless despair. His fingers closed around it again and he opened the screen. 

He left smears of blood on the screen as he went to the recent calls. Scrolled back a few days. Found the number he wanted. The screen was jerky and didn't obey the swipes of his finger. The blood was making things harder. 

He pressed the call button and sank back to the floor. He tried to hold the phone to his ear. It slipped once again from his grip and slid to the carpet beside his face. It rang once. Twice. A third time. _Please._

A fourth ring. He whimpered. _Please, please pick up, please..._

A fifth. He sobbed brokenly. _Please, I don't wanna die like this. I don't wanna die..._ He glanced at his father, the pool of blood around him creeping away from his body into the surrounding carpet. 

A sixth ring. _God no, please, please answer, please don't let me get the answering machine...no..._

The seventh ring was cut off. Relief shot through him like an electric shock.

"Hello, darling." The woman's voice was warm. Comforting. His heart felt like it would rend itself from his chest.

"Mom," he rasped. 

Her voice immediately changed. "Gavin? What happened? Where are you?"

He licked his lips, sweat beading on his face. "House on 72." He gasped. "Got shot. Please..."

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Gavin. Sweetheart." A rustling of fabric as she turned away. "Patty, get Andrews on the phone. Get the helicopter in the air. 6535 east county road 72. Gavin's been shot." Her voice was louder as she turned back to the phone. "Honey, where are you shot? Are you..." She stifled a small sob. "Oh my god."

"In the chest. Once in the chest." He trembled and dissolved into a weak wail. "Mom...I'm scared...please, I don't wanna die..."

"I know, sweetheart." There were tears in her voice. "We'll get the helicopter to you. It should get there..." Her voice faded again. "When?" She turned back to the phone. "Thirteen minutes, baby. Oh, Gavin...sweetheart..." Her voice broke. "Hang on for me, please..."

"Mom," he sobbed. "Mom." His lips felt numb. The words were clumsy. "She...she killed dad. Dad's dead."


	2. Chapter 2

Gavin was choking. Blood bubbled on his lips as he coughed, gasped, writhed on the floor as he tried to suck more air into his lungs. He felt a dull, heavy weight settle in his chest as his eyes rolled in his head. _I’m going to die._ He knew it in his bones. _I’m going to die._

He rolled onto his side, surprised but relieved to feel his breathing get a little easier. His eyes settled once again on his father and his chest began to heave with sobs.

“Dad…” he whimpered. His father’s corpse was splayed on the ground where Vera had left it, drained of blood, grotesque and twisted. He rolled himself onto his stomach and tried to drag himself towards his father. As he tried to lift his right arm his chest was shot through with an agony that took his breath away. Tears streamed down his face as he pushed himself forward with his legs, left arm shaking under his weight. He reached out with one hand and brushed his fingers against his father’s arm. There was terrible, inhuman heaviness to it. He gritted his teeth, dragging himself once more, and collapsed on his father’s chest. The dull, hollow sound made Gavin wail with misery.

He convulsed and coughed blood onto his father’s shirt. It mixed in with the red already there until Gavin couldn’t tell whose blood was whose. The smell was making him dizzy. His stomach heaved sickeningly. He felt the sticky warmth soaking into his clothes from the ruined carpet. His eyes moved slowly from the blood on his father’s chest, up his shredded, gaping throat, to his face.

Gavin keened weakly at the dullness of his father’s eyes. His face looked utterly unlike anything Gavin had ever seen. His father didn’t look like he was sleeping. His father looked like he was…dead.

Gavin’s body rebelled against the thought and he twisted away, vomiting bile streaked with blood onto the carpet beside him. His arms gave out and fell again onto his father’s chest.

He could hear his own pulse beating wildly in his ears. He felt like his heart was skipping every other beat, running out of control, like it could outrun the shock if it beat fast enough. He pressed his face into his father’s shirt, blood marking his cheek. His eyes fluttered shut and he waited to die.

He drifted. He waited for the pain to recede, for his body to get lighter, maybe to start moving towards the light he’d heard so much about. A half-delirious thought floated through his mind. _How many people have I made feel this way?_ The thought was gone as soon as he had grasped it. He didn’t feel lighter, or warmer, or more comfortable. He felt a coldness settle in his bones as darkness clouded his vision. His fingers curled weakly around his father’s shirt. _Please, please don’t let death feel this way._

The pounding in his ears grew louder, speeding too fast for him to count. It sounded so far away. He spasmed as the agony of his wound spiked again. Then, a slower pounding. He heaved out a single, painful laugh. “Come in,” he rasped. Someone was knocking on the door of his brain.

Then there were hands on him. The room spun dizzyingly as someone rolled him onto his back. He felt himself being lifted in someone’s arms, his head lolling back against their shoulder, his legs lifted and carried by someone else. A memory tickled in the back of his mind, a song his father used to sing him as a lullaby, voice low, vibrating through his head as he’d cradled him in his lap. _I looked over Jordan, and what did I see, comin’ for to carry me home?_ He tried to open his eyes. _Am I dead yet?_ His tongue felt too big for his mouth. He tried to ask again. _Am I dead yet?_

Light pierced eyes through the lids. _There’s the light, I guess._ He giggled raggedly. The arms around him tightened. _A band of angels, comin’ after me, comin’ for to carry me home._

His breath caught in his chest and he writhed, back arching, mouth gaping as he tried to drag air in. He felt himself being lowered onto something hard, and cold, and the light was gone now. Then he lurched and felt himself being carried up again. _Death is fucking weird._


	3. Gray's Alternate (Bad) Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone on my tumblr requested that whether I kill Gray in Honor Bound or not, I should post a chapter of what would have happened if I had decided the other way. Here it is.

The fifth time the nurse came to the waiting room, Isaac knew something was wrong. He shot straight up on the couch.

The room went black for a moment.

He came back to Finn smoothing the hair away from his forehead, the nurse standing just behind them, clearly having been pushed out of the way. Isaac’s stomach roiled. He was soaked in a cool sweat.

He groaned. “What happened?”

“You fainted,” said Finn and the nurse in unison.

He wiped his hand across his face, pushing himself weakly up on his elbows, his heart dropping in his chest as he looked up at the nurse. “How are they?”

His face pinched. “I…”

Isaac felt like he’d been plunged into cold water. He thrust his arm at the nurse. “Take more.” He could feel the burn in his throat, the tears that were coming.

He shook his head. “I can’t - ”

“You _can_.” The words were a sob. His arm shook as he held it out. “I’ve got more blood. You can take it.”

“Isaac… I’m sorry, but it wouldn’t help…”

_“No.”_ He felt the tears start. “Please…I can help them still, I can give more…”

“No…” He looked around at the team packed closely around him and twisted his hands uncomfortably in front of him. “I’m sorry…your friend is…is d-”

“Please no,” Isaac whispered. He couldn’t hear this. The buzzing in his head was unbearable, his thoughts swirling through his mind, unconnected, senseless. “I can give more. Please. Let me…let me give more, I can do that, I can do that for them…”

The nurse shook his head. “No. I…I’m sorry…all it would do is kill you.”

“Then I’ll die.” He could barely get the words past the tearing sensation in his throat. “Please, just…take more…I don’t care if I die, I have more, please…” He collapsed back on the couch. “Please…don’t let them die, don’t let them die because I couldn’t give enough, _please…”_

“We have two more coming.” Ellis was wringing their hands. “I don’t know what types they are but…maybe they can help…maybe…please, just give them some time…”

“I’m sorry.” The nurse’s eyes were welling with tears as he looked back and forth between all their faces. Isaac noticed vaguely that the man looked younger than he was, maybe almost as young as Sam. _But he can fix it, he’s a_ nurse _, if he just goes back to the doctor with more blood they can fix Gray, they can fix them, they won’t be…_

Isaac’s sob strangled in his throat. _“Please,”_ he begged, reaching for the nurse’s hand. _“Please,_ you can take more blood, I don’t mind, Gray can have it, _please…”_ He tried to make his eyes focus. The room was spinning much too fast for that.

_“No,”_ Sam whimpered, kneeling in front of Isaac on the couch, tears streaming down their face. They hugged themselves, staring up at the nurse with wide eyes. “Are they…”

The nurse’s lip quivered and a tear rolled down their cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. But your friend is…is dead.”

_“NO!”_

“We did everything we could - ”

_“Please!”_

“ - but we c-couldn’t save them - ”

_“No…”_

“ - it wasn’t that we didn’t have enough blood. The wound was just too severe.”

Someone was screaming. Someone was sobbing and wailing in Isaac’s head and he couldn’t make sense of what he was hearing, couldn’t understand what he was being told. _Gray’s not dead. We got them to the hospital. If we got them to the hospital everything was going to be fine… We got them here… He’s lying, it can’t be true, it’s not true… I gave them my blood so they would stay alive, they’re alive, they can’t be…can’t be_ dead _…_

“Isaac!”

_“No no no, they’re not dead, please, take my blood, they can have it all just_ PLEASE _…”_

“Isaac no…please…”

Someone’s hands were on him, holding him down to the couch, he was fighting them but he was just so _weak_ … _They took my blood for Gray but I still couldn’t save them, couldn’t keep them alive, because I was weak,_ WEAK _and so stupid for thinking I could protect them…it was my fault…it was all my fault…_

The room was going black again. His pulse was pounding in his ears and he couldn’t hear anything else, nothing but that terrible screaming. _Someone make it_ stop _please… Gray’s not dead… Gray can’t be dead… Gray has to be alive so I can hug them close, beg them to forgive me, beg them to forgive me because I’ll never, never forgive myself…_

He pushed against the hands holding him down, begging them to let him go, to let him give Gray more blood, all they needed, he’d give it all, if Gray could just be alive, just be alive and give him a chance to be better, to be a better friend and leader. _Please… I’ll try again, I’ll be better… Give more… Just please, please don’t let it be true. Don’t let Gray be dead._

The room was spinning, was disappearing into the grayness that clouded his vision, his ears were ringing and he could no longer hear the words that were tumbling out of his own mouth. His heart was pounding in his chest, skipping beats, fluttering against the emptiness that threatened to consume him. The world was disintegrating through his fingers, he was falling down a long tunnel into the blackness, he was being dragged down and down and down…

He slipped under and felt nothing at all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Gray's real ending. Except I guess it's not an ending.

The nurse was smiling. Isaac shot to his feet, a sort of strangled sob bubbling up in his throat. _They have to be alive, they…_

The room went black.

He came to on the couch, Finn’s hand smoothing his damp hair away from his forehead. The nurse stood behind them, clearly having just been pushed out of the way. His stomach roiled as he searched for his team, their faces spinning sickeningly above him. His hand clutched at the couch below him and he steadied himself.

His mouth was dry. “Are they…?”

“They’re doing just fine.” The nurse’s lips quirked up. “All things considered. The bullet shattered two ribs and took a portion of the lung. The surgeon wasn’t able to get it out. It’s going to have to stay in your friend, unfortunately. But the damage has been repaired and they’re out of surgery. They’re recovering now.”

“I want to see them.” Vera’s voice broke with strain.

The nurse pressed his lips together. “They’re still intubated and sedated. It’s going to be several hours until they wake up, at the very least.”

“I don’t care.” Her hand was clutching Tori’s so hard her knuckles were turning white. “I want to see them. It’s my - ”

“Not your fault.” The words tumbled from Isaac’s lips. He pushed himself up off the couch, the world going a little gray as he did it. “Not your fault. Not yours.”

“Please.” Tori’s eyes were filled with tears. “Please, let us see them.”

The nurse chewed his lip. “Ok. I can take you to them.” His eyes flicked to Isaac. “You…”

“I’ll be fine.” He pushed himself up to a seated position and froze as a wave of nausea crashed over him. His skin broke out again in a cold sweat.

“I can get a wheelchair for you…”

“I’m not going to see Gray in a damned _wheelchair_. They’re the one who’s hurt, not me.”

Sam’s eyebrows were pulled together in concern. “Isaac…”

“No.” He clenched his jaw. “I’ll be fine. Maybe I just need…a little help…”

Sam’s hands were on him in an instant, supporting him. He met their eyes for a moment, gratitude heavy in his gaze. They pulled his arm around their shoulders and wound an arm around his waist, taking as much of his weight as they could as they slowly stood together. They stumbled as Isaac’s knees gave out for a moment. Finn lunged forward to catch him, wrapping their arm around his other side and pulling upright again. Isaac squeezed his eyes shut, breaths coming faster. He swallowed hard and nodded.

“Ok. Come with me.” The nurse’s face was pinched with concern.

“What about her?” Vera’s eyes went to Edrissa, huddled still where she had been for the past several hours.

“She’s coming with us,” Isaac panted.

Edrissa’s eyes were wide as she looked up at Vera with a pleading expression. Then slowly, resignedly, she got to her feet and followed the group as they left the waiting room.

The nurse wound his way through the halls, dodging people rushing past, equipment, beds. Every now and then he shot a glance behind him to see if the team was still following.

“What’s your name?” Tori asked, her hand still clutched in Vera’s.

“Thomas,” he threw over his shoulder.

“Were you there for the surgery?”

“I assisted, yeah.”

“Did it go…?”

He shook his head slowly as he sidestepped an electronic monitor. “It was a hard surgery. Not as bad as it could have been, but…it went _well_. Doctor Rosa is the best surgeon I’ve ever seen.”

“How many have you seen?” Ellis was as close to Finn as the tight hallways would allow.

Thomas cast a more serious look behind them. “Here? A lot. Most don’t make it very long.”

As Sam was about to ask him what he meant by that, he pushed through a door into another corridor with doors all the way down the hall. He stopped at the first room and put his hand on the handle. “They look pretty rough,” he said in a low voice. “But they’re ok. When you’re ready to leave, do you think you could find your way back?”

Finn nodded. “Probably.”

“Ok.” He pushed the door open and stepped aside. They filed in one by one with Sam, Isaac, and Finn bringing up the rear. “If you need something, hit the button on the wall and someone will come.” He left, pulling the door closed behind him.

Isaac’s heart clenched when he saw Gray. They were tangled in a mess of wires and IV tubing, a series of monitors behind their head blinking with lights and making a slow beeping sound. A bag of blood ran into one of the IVs. Isaac felt dizzy. _That’s mine._ An ET tube emerged unnaturally from between their teeth, taped to the side of their mouth. The room seemed filled with the _whoosh_ ing sound of the ventilator connected to the tube. Their chest rose and fell steadily with each artificial breath.

They all seemed frozen in shock. The person in the bed seemed to bear little resemblance to Gray at all. It was just their body, without their gentle smile, their strong and soothing hands, their soft gaze and kind words. Their heart pumped, their lungs moved, but the process looked almost mechanical. They looked…empty. Vanished.

Sam sobbed, a hand going to their mouth. Finn took Isaac’s weight and lowered him to the floor against the wall, their hand locked on his shoulder as their eyes were fixed on Gray. Sam fell to their knees beside the bed, their hands fluttering over Gray, settling at last on their hand.

Finn went to their side and wrapped their arms around them, whispering in their ear. “Shh…don’t cry. It’s ok. They’re alive. You need to be strong for them now, ok? They need to feel good things right now. They need to hear us be happy and brave for them.” They pressed firm kisses into Sam’s curls. “I need you to be strong for them. If you need to cry, we can go out into the hall. But right now they might be able to hear you and we need to give them something good to hold on to so they can focus on getting better.”

Sam nodded, wiping their nose with their sleeve. “Gray…Gray we’re all here…” They sniffled. “All of us. We even brought someone new.” Edrissa blushed where she was standing, huddled into the corner. “We’re going to take her north when you get better. And you’re going to get better, Gray. You had a good doctor. And Finn saved you.” Finn looked at the floor and ran their fingers through Sam’s hair. “We’re all safe, Gray. Tori’s here. Vera went to get her, and saved her. And Gavin is d-” They bit their lip. “We don’t have to worry about Gavin anymore.”

Vera drew closer to Gray, lightly trailing her fingers across their forehead. “I killed him, Gray,” she whispered. “I killed the man who hurt me all those years ago. I…I broke free of his control. He couldn’t hurt me anymore.” She swallowed hard, tears welling in her eyes and spilling over. Tori tucked herself under her arm and nestled her head on Vera’s shoulder.

“You’re gonna get better.” Ellis pressed their hand to Gray’s foot, standing at the foot of the bed. “You’re gonna get better and we’re gonna leave this place, go somewhere safer. We’re gonna help you get better. We’re all gonna take care of each other.”

Isaac watched them all crowd around Gray, whispering their encouragement and love, pressing their hands against them, holding each other as they did. His eyes flicked to the corner, where Edrissa was standing. Her arms were wrapped around her chest, her gaze fixed on the little group. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.


	5. Chapter 5

Something was wrong in Gray’s chest. _I can’t breathe, why can’t I breathe right, why can’t I… Pain in, pain out. Pain in, pain out._ They pushed a sound out of their throat that was something like a whimper.

_“They’re awake. Finn, come here. Gray? Gray, can you hear me?”_

The voice was coming from somewhere and they were underwater. _Why am I underwater? Might be why my chest hurts._ They opened their mouth, gaping for the air that had to be nearby.

_“Gray, it’s alright…just breathe, there you go…just breathe…”_

_I_ am _breathing. It just hurts too much. Pain in, pain out._

_“I think they’re in pain. Can you hit the button to call the nurse? Maybe they need -”_

A strangled sound left their throat. Their hand moved up to their chest and they pawed at where the pain was coming from. _If I can just dig the pain out…_

_“Grab their arm. Gray, stop. Leave that alone. You’ll tear your stitches. Sam…_ Sam _…help me, grab their arm, there you go.”_

_“Why aren’t they waking up?”_

_“They’re still a little sedated. Gray, you’re ok. Squeeze if you can hear me.”_

_I can try._

_“Good! Good. Gray. Oh…come on, breathe. You’re alright.”_

_Where’s Tori._

The thought crashed over them and froze their chest again. _Where’s Tori. She’s in trouble, someone…someone took her…_ They whimpered as they tried to remember. They _had_ to tell someone. Someone had to go save Tori. _Please, please help her, leave me alone and help her…_

_“Gray, please! Just relax, Gray, let go…”_

_Please. Please, god, let her be alive. Leave me and go find her. Someone…why can’t I…_

_“That nurse should be here by now. Ellis, can you -”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Isaac, come here, help me… Gray, relax, it’s just us, you’re safe…”_

_But where’s Tori. Someone help Tori._

_Gavin. Gavin has Tori._ The thought punched them in the gut. They moaned, the pain spiking in their chest. _Gavin shot me and he has Tori._

They thought they could feel tears on their cheeks, or it could have been the water. _Am I still underwater?_ The voices around them sounded clearer. _Maybe…_

_“Gray, stop…_ stop _pulling at that. Vera, can you find something to restrain them with? I can’t…”_

_SOMEONE FIND TORI. SOMEONE HELP HER._

They could hear someone screaming, far off in the distance. Screaming and sobbing. _God, someone else is hurt…help them too, did Gavin hurt them too? Please…no no no please god someone help her… I couldn’t save her…he shot me…_

They felt something winding around their wrists, tying them down. _Fine, torture me, hurt me, just please…don’t hurt Tori, don’t hurt my Tori…_

_“Oh my god. What happened?”_

_“They woke up and started pulling at the bandages. They pulled one of their IVs, I’m sorry…we couldn’t hold them down…”_

_“Let me get them some more medication. Sometimes people have a bad reaction to the anesthesia…”_

_“Can we get some better restraints? These will work for now, but…”_

_“Let me see what I can find. Did they manage to tear the bandages?”_

_“No. Just the line.”_

_“Ok. I’ll be right back.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_God, my chest. What are they doing to me? My chest…hurts…_ They choked out a twisted sob.

_“Gray, you’re alright… You’re in the hospital. They’ll get you some more medication. You’re safe, Gray.”_

_Safe? Then why am I hurting? Why am I tied down?_ They pulled uselessly at the restraints. _Save Tori. Do whatever you want to me but save Tori._ They dragged in a gasp.

_“Gray, please…”_ That voice. It was thick with tears, but…important. That voice was close. That voice was family. _“Gray, it’s ok…you’re safe, I’m ok. Vera got me. We’re all here with you.”_

They twisted closer to the voice, tears wetting the pillow under their head. Their lips trembled around the word. _“T- To-ori…”_

_“Yeah, Gray. It’s me. I’m so…I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…you almost died, for…for_ me _…”_

_“Tori, don’t. You can talk about this when they’re more awake.”_

_“Sorry, I’m sorry…”_ A sniffle. A hand in theirs. It was warm, and they squeezed. _“There you go, Gray, hold on to me… We’re safe…”_

_I’ll never let you go. Never let you go again. Never let him hurt you again._

_“He’s d-dead, Gray, he’s dead… We’re safe.”_

A slow, rattling breath moved through their chest. _I believe you._

_“There you go. That’s good, Gray. Breathe. There you go.”_

_“Sorry that took so long… They’re looking a lot better.”_

_“I think they needed Tori. Needed to hear her voice.”_

_“I’ll still give some more fentanyl. It looks like they’re still hurting.”_

_Yes. God, it hurts._

_“Will that put them under again?”_

_“Maybe, maybe not. It’ll help with the pain for sure.”_

_“Ok. Thank you.”_

_“There. That should start working within the next few minutes. Come get me if they get agitated again.”_

_“Will do. Thank you.”_

_“No problem.”_

Still, always, that warm hand in theirs.

_“Gray, that pain will start going away soon, ok? If you need to go back to sleep you can.”_

_But I need to see her. Need to see Tori._

Pressure on their forehead. Hair brushing their face. And still, that hand in theirs. They held on like they were dangling over a cliff.

_“They already look better.”_

_“Yeah, fentanyl’s good shit.”_

The pain in their chest was ebbing away, settling and shrinking until it was a dull ache. Every breath still hurt. _Pain in, pain out._ But they could breathe. Their chest expanded and fell.

Their grip on her hand was loosening, fading. Panic spiked in them for a moment.

_“It’s ok, Gray. You can fall asleep. I’ll be right here with you, the whole time.”_

_Don’t leave. Please don’t leave._

The world faded away again.


	6. Chapter 6

_Pain in, pain out. Pain in, pain out._ Gray moaned.

“They’re awake again. Someone go get Isaac.”

Their eyelids fluttered and their breath hitched in their chest. _Pain in, pain out._ They moved to reach for the pain and their arm stopped with a jerk. An icy stab of panic twisted their gut. _That’s right. They tied me down. They were torturing me. Fine. Where’s Tori?_ They opened their mouth to beg for her.

“Gray, it’s alright. You’re safe.”

_There she is._ Their heart swelled with fear and relief. _Is she here with me, being tortured? Did they hurt her?_ They squeezed their eyes shut against the pounding in their skull.

They felt that warm hand in theirs again and squeezed.

“There you go. Can you open your eyes for me?”

_I’m trying._ Their eyes fluttered open and they saw a blurry shape beside them. Many blurry shapes. They swallowed and wet their lips.

“T- Tori…”

“I’m here, Gray. I’m safe.”

Slowly, slowly, she came into focus, seated beside their…bed? They blinked and looked around the room, mind swirling with confusion. They couldn’t see the ceiling past the glare of the fluorescent lights above them. There were people packed into the room with them, blurs of people, shapes that seemed so familiar…

Their eyes returned to Tori and swept over her, taking her in. _She’s alive. And…_ Their jaw tightened as they saw the marks on her. On her face, her arms. On her…on her _neck._ They tried to reach up to touch her, and again their hand was stopped by the restraint on their wrist. They swallowed hard.

“T-torturing…us?”

Tori’s eyebrows pulled together. “What?”

Gray glanced at their wrists, tied to the bed by their sides, and back up to her, at the marks on her neck. “Was he…torturing us?” Their chest throbbed with every word.

She pursed her lips in concern. “No…” She squeezed their hand. “Are you worried about the restraints?” They nodded. They watched as her eyes filled with tears. They wanted to reach out and brush them away, hug her close. “We had to restrain you, Gray. You were fighting us when you woke up from the anesthesia. You pulled out your IV.”

Their gaze drifted dizzily to their arm, where fluids were disappearing into their IV. “Oh.”

Her fingers went up to brush their forehead. “We can take them off, if you don’t pull at things.” She turned to someone… _Finn, that’s Finn…_ They realized they were surrounded by people they _knew…_ _Vera. Isaac. Ellis. Sam. Finn._ A smile pulled at their lips as they looked around. “Right? We can take them off?”

“Yeah. Of course.” They stepped closer to the bed and began untying the restraint from around Gray’s wrist. They had dark circles under their eyes and their face was lined with exhaustion.

“You…” Gray wrinkled their forehead as fractured images flashed through their mind. _Lying on the floor of Tori’s darkened kitchen, bleeding out. Being carried to the car, leaving a trail of blood behind them. Finn, cutting into them, forcing something between their ribs, Finn…_ “You…saved…”

“No.” They bit off the word and pressed their lips together, eyes swimming with tears. “Don’t.”

The strap around their wrist came loose and they grasped Finn’s hand, gaze fixed on their face until their eyes slowly came up to meet theirs. “I remember. You saved me.”

A shudder ran over Finn’s body and they shut their eyes, squeezing their free hand into a fist. “I…I just…”

“What is it?”

They pressed their lips together and shook their head, sending a cascade of tears down their cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m…just…” Their voice twisted into a sob. Ellis wrapped their arm around their waist and pressed a kiss against their shoulder. They buried their face in their hands, stifling another sob. “I’m sorry, god, I… I don’t want to make this about me. I’m sorry. I’m just feeling…a little…overwhelmed…” Their hand clutched at Ellis’s arm as their chest began to heave with shaky, gusting breaths. They stumbled back, leaning towards the door, fingers leaving marks on Ellis’s arm.

_“No.”_

They paused, eyes wide and fixed on Gray. They licked their lips. “G- Gray… I…”

_“Please_ don’t go.” Gray’s fingers were locked around the sheets beneath them, trembling with strain. “Please…”

Finn’s eyes darted from Gray to the door as their legs shook under them. Tears were rolling down their cheeks, dripping from their chin with each stuttering breath. They swallowed the choking feeling in their throat and took a slow step towards Gray. Then another. They sat down carefully on the bed beside Gray, lips quivering, eyes flicking down to the tube coming from Gray’s chest, a _real_ one, placed by the doctor during the surgery. They leaned forward, keeping their weight off Gray’s chest, bracing themselves against the bed as their arm wound around Gray’s neck. Gray raised their hand painfully to rest against Finn’s back.

“Thank you for saving me.”

Finn unraveled. They drew in a wheezing breath and wailed, pressing their face against Gray’s hair. Their hand found Gray’s and squeezed like they were a life raft in a storm. Tears fell onto the pillow as Gray cried, too.

“I’m so happy you’re alive.”

“I’m alive because of you.”

“I never, never want to hear you scream like that again.” Gray’s arm tightened on Finn’s waist as they squeezed their eyes shut. “I thought you were going to die. I thought I was…going to…”

“I know.”

Finn felt hands on their back and turned to see Ellis, tears running down their face too. Gray squeezed the back of Finn’s neck and trembled in their embrace. After a minute Finn leaned back, scrubbing their face with their sleeve. They took small hiccoughing sobs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, Finn. There’s time to fall apart now.”

“Yeah.” They stood, taking a step back to make room for Sam. Isaac pressed close behind. Finn folded into Ellis’s arms.

Sam bent down and pressed a kiss into Gray’s forehead. They raised a hand to stroke through their curls.

Isaac looked like was holding back tears, too. His hand wrapped around theirs and held tight. Sam was glued to Isaac’s side, an arm around his waist.

Gray held Isaac’s gaze, the pain spiking for a moment, then easing. “You got us all here.” Their brow furrowed. “Where are we?”

Isaac bit his lip. “A hospital. In Beringer.” Gray was punished for their sharp intake of breath with a stab of pain. They winced. “I knew where to go.” He turned over his shoulder. “Because we had her.”

Gray looked up, eyebrows pulling together in confusion. As Isaac leaned back they could see someone standing behind him in the corner, arms wrapped around herself, cringing away from their gaze. “Who’s that?”

“This is Edrissa.” She shrunk at the mention of her name. “Rescue. We intercepted her as she was being…” He paused, blowing out a slow breath. “…sold.”

Gray’s eyes burned into her. She stared down at the floor, trembling. “Edrissa?” Her head jerked up. “You saved me. Thank you.” She jerked her chin back down at the floor. Gray shot Isaac a questioning look.

“She’s been in syndicate hands for two years. She’s been…um…” He bit his lip. “Shy.”

Gray nodded, understanding. Their gaze traveled back to Tori, seated at their other side, their hand still firmly holding hers. Her lips were pulled up into a smile. She squeezed their hand.

“I thought I lost you,” they whispered.

She shook her head, sending a tear rolling down her cheek. “And I thought I lost you. But…Vera…” She reached behind her to take her hand. “Vera came and got me.”

Their eyes moved up to meet Vera’s. Her eyes were dull with exhaustion and… _fear?_ She was wearing a shirt Gray had never seen before and they could see a dark red stain, almost black, marring the front of her pants. Her chin and neck looked stained dark, flecks of dried red lingering above her collarbones and in the hollow of her throat. Her body was tense and guarded, in a way that made her look almost… _feral_. _I’ve seen that look before._

They wet their lips. “Vera?”

She pressed in close to Tori to squeeze their hand. “I…I got her out, Gray.” Her shoulders loosened, just a little.

“How?” The word cracked.

“I…” She swallowed. “I killed him. Gavin’s father.”

“Gavin’s -”

“He’s the one who tortured me years ago. I killed him.”

Gray’s eyes went wide. “You _what?”_

Her lips pulled back in a fierce smile. “I killed him. He tried to take me again, and I killed him.”

Gray’s chest ached. “I promised you…” they whispered. “I promised you I’d never let him hurt you again.”

“Now he won’t.” Her voice growled through her chest. “Because he’s dead.”

Tori pressed a kiss into her hair. “Because she tore his throat out.” Her eyes glowed with a sort of delirious pride.

“You… _what?”_

Vera’s lip curled and her eyes darkened. “With my teeth.”

Gray’s mouth fell open. Vera shifted uncomfortably, the vicious satisfaction in her eyes congealing into a miserable sort of self-doubt. Her face fell a little.

“I…am so proud of you.”

Isaac grinned. “That’s what _I_ said.” He laughed softly.

Vera’s face slid into a smile, her shoulders shaking with half-laughter, half-sobs. She pressed a hand to her mouth.

Gray squeezed her hand. “So he’s dead…where’s Gavin?”

“I shot him.” Again that fierce smile tugged at her lips.

“So he’s dead?”

She hesitated for the smallest instant. “Yes.”

Gray swallowed. “…are you sure?”

Slowly the smile slid from her face. “Pretty damn sure.”

“Did you check? He’s done this to us before. Are you…I’m sorry, Vera, but are you _absolutely sure?”_

“I shot him in the chest, Gray. Yes, I’m sure.”

“I was shot in the chest, and I survived, with way fewer resources. But definitely the best medic.” They threw a glance and a smile at Finn. They blushed bright red and turned their face against Ellis’s shoulder.

“Gray, I…” Her lips trembled. “I was focused on getting Tori out. I…I guess I wasn’t thinking straight…”

“Hey.” They shook her hand slightly. “Don’t do that. I’m not blaming you, Vera. Having someone’s throat torn out is one thing…you don’t survive that.”

“I watched the life leave his eyes.” Her voice was a low rasp. Her lip curled into a sneer.

Gray’s mouth pulled into an unconscious smile. “Getting shot in the chest is different. But…” They sought her eyes until she met their gaze. “You got our girl out. That’s the important thing.”

Vera pressed her lips against Tori’s shoulder. She smiled.

Gray turned their attention again on Tori. “But he…he tortured you first…”

Her face fell. “It’s nothing. It’s nothing compared to -”

“You were _tortured.”_ Their tone left no room for argument. “There is no comparing.” They swallowed hard, their voice flattening. “What did he do?”

“He…” She bit her lip, tears threatening to fall. “He beat me. And he…um…” Her throat bobbed.

“He fucking collared her.” Vera’s voice was a low snarl.

Gray’s eyes fell shut. “Oh.” Their stomach lurched at the thought.

“But now he’s dead,” Tori whispered.

Gray nodded slowly. “What happens next?” Their gaze drifted to Isaac again.

Isaac huffed out a breath. “For now we stay here, at least until your chest tube comes out. After that you’ll be alright to travel as long as we take it easy.”

“When do we ever take it easy?” Gray asked sardonically.

Isaac nodded wearily. “I know. It’ll be a rough road. But once we leave here we’re going north. With her.” He turned to look at Edrissa. She withered under his gaze. “Once we get her settled…” He pressed his lips together. “I’m going back on the road. Now that we know the syndicates are buying and selling people we have a pretty obvious mission: I’m going to intercept the shipments and make a pipeline north. I’ve been talking with some of the people here who have a pretty good idea of the major trafficking areas and how people get transported.”

Gray nodded. “Makes sense.”

“I’m going with him.” Finn’s hands were in fists at their sides.

“So am I.” Ellis wound their fingers through Finn’s.

“I am, too.” Vera’s jaw clenched. “I know what they do to people they’ve captured. I have to help.”

“I’m going, too,” Sam piped up.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Isaac grumbled. They looked at him with wounded eyes.

Tori looked down at her lap. “I…I want to come north.” She wilted.

Vera put a hand on her face and tilted it up. “If you want to go north, that’s what you’re going to do.”

“I want to start a safehouse for people when they arrive so they have somewhere to stay until they get resettled. I know it’s not -”

“Please don’t say whatever it is you were going to say.” Vera pressed a kiss into her hair. “If you hadn’t had your safehouse and been willing to take us in, we’d all be dead. Dead months ago. You saved us. It’s enough. It’s more than enough.” She pulled Tori into her arms.

Gray turned their attention to Edrissa. “And what do you want?”

She looked around the room, as if expecting someone to hit her for daring to _want._ She lowered her eyes and stared at the floor. “I…I want to find my brother. Micah.”

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” Her voice was a whisper. “He got shot when they…when they t-took me.”

“I told her we’ll help her find him,” Isaac murmured. “If he’s alive -” He flinched, throwing an apologetic look back at her. “We’ll find him. We’ll find someone who knows where he is and find him.”

Her lips trembled and a tear ran down her nose and onto the floor. “Thank you,” she whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

_Fuck._

His chest felt like it was being torn apart with every breath he dragged in. _I could just try not breathing…_ The pain burned hotter the longer he forced his ribs to stop moving. He gave up and gasped in a breath, whimpering as it came out. The sheets below him were damp with sweat.

His throat felt like it had been scraped raw. He did his best to swallow, the inside of his mouth sticky and dry. _Water._ He realized he had eyes and blinked them open. _I just need water. Christ this hurts._

Shapes moved in his vision, dark and light and blue… a lot of blue. He squeezed his eyes shut and blinked again. _Where the fuck am I?_

His throat tickled and he coughed. His chest exploded into agony. A twisted scream punched out of him and he reached for the pain, trying to press on it, push it away, make it _stop._ _Why why why does it hurt so much…_

He felt a hand on his wrist, cool and strong, pulling it down away from his chest. “P-pl…” He croaked. Tears pricked in his eyes, making the shapes so much blurrier for a moment, before they ran down his cheeks and into the pillow. He could see someone sitting to his left, leaning over him, touching him. He choked on a sob.

_“Can you get him something more for the pain? Please…”_ His mind swirled with confusion. The sound of that voice made him want to cry harder, sounding so familiar and scared and strained with tears.

_“Yes, ma’am.”_

_“You’re alright, sweetheart. It’s o- ok…”_ That voice came with a smell, a feeling, a sense memory in the back of his mind of being held, cradled, of that same soft hand wiping away his tears and smoothing his hair…

“Mom…” he groaned.

“Oh, sweetheart, oh my…my _god…_ ” A hand on his cheek. He turned his face into it, whimpering softly. “You’re alright, honey, you’re safe…my baby…”

Another memory shot through him like a bullet, a memory thick with the smell of blood and death and fear. “She…” His throat clicked as he swallowed. “Dad’s dead…she…” He heaved a dry sob. “She _killed him…”_

“I know, baby…” Her voice broke, and her shape leaned over him as she draped him gently in a hug. “That fucking… _plaything…_ I know…” She leaned back trailed off into a wail.

He could see her now. Her hair was falling into her face, lank and dull, and her makeup was smudged around her red, swollen eyes. Her clothes were wrinkled and unkempt and looked like she’d been sleeping in them. And she was…

She was _crying_. Crying like he had never seen her cry before. She had one hand pressed to her mouth and was rocking forward with each ragged sob. Tears sprung to his eyes again.

“I’m sorry mom, I…” He sighed and moaned as whatever he had been given started to take effect. The pain in his chest was drifting farther away, just out of reach. He wilted back against the bed, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t you ever say that,” she sobbed. “This wasn’t your fault…it was _her_ …”

Tears rolled down the sides of his face and into the pillow. “I couldn’t stop her…she shot me first and I just…laid there…”

“Gavin, _stop,”_ she whispered. “She nearly killed you, honey. It’s not your fault…” She stared at him, her eyes flicking over the bandages on his chest, to the IVs in his arms, to the wires connecting him to the monitor behind him. Her face spasmed in pain as her eyes returned to his. “She took your father from us. And she nearly took you from me…twice.”

The pain in his chest had dulled to a distant ache. He felt…warm, and like his head wasn’t attached to his body all the way. He giggled slightly at the feeling. “The first time was Isaac,” he said with a smile, lifting his hand experimentally from the blanket. It felt like it was floating up of his own accord. His forehead wrinkled with bewilderment.

“She was the one responsible for the explosion too, honey.” Her face worked as she looked at him, fighting back tears as he stared, enraptured, at his own hand.

“What did they give me?” he slurred.

“Ketamine.” The word was clipped.

“Wow.” His head dropped back against the pillow. The agony of the loss of his father crushed his chest and stomach, but distantly, like he was only remembering the pain. Tears ran freely down his face and into his hair, unbidden. “She killed dad,” he whispered. It occurred to him that he should be alarmed that he felt so disconnected to that fact.

“She was your father’s plaything once. He told me before he left to meet you. I never would have…imagined…” She closed her eyes and began to cry again. “He should have killed her. I _wish_ …” She sniffled. “I _wish_ he’d killed her, I wish he’d ended her wretched little life in our basement…”

“I hurt her once.” Gavin’s tongue felt loose. “When I was little. Dad took me downstairs and I hurt her. I never knew that was _her_.”

“I know.” Her lips curled up into a pained smile. Her hand went through his hair. “I remember. You were so excited, you couldn’t even eat your lunch after.” Her eyes crinkled at him, sending two more tears down her cheeks. “You didn’t stop asking about her for weeks. Even after she…” She looked up at the ceiling and drew in a slow inhale. “Even after those troglodytes destroyed the house.”

“I was excited to hurt her again.” The corners of his mouth turned down.

“And you’re going to, sweetheart.” She smiled as he looked up at her in dizzy surprise. “I’m going to have the entire little troop hunted down and brought back to the Lucasville house. Then you can hurt them all.”

“But…mom…” He squinted, doing his best to wrangle his thoughts. They were flitting back and forth through his mind, slipping through his fingers every time he tried to pin one down. “I don’t wanna see them again.”

Her mouth tightened. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”

“I mean…” He swallowed. “They kinda…kicked my ass…twice…and…I don’t know…I can hurt anyone I want. I kinda just want to…stay away from them…”

She tilted her head at him. “Are you scared of them, honey?”

“N-no.” His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth for a second. “I just…don’t wanna see them again.”

She squeezed his hand. “It’s ok, sweetheart. You don’t have to worry about any of it. I’m going to find them, and you won’t even have to _look_ at them until they’re all in chains.”

“Isaac looks good in chains…” he mumbled.

“Most people do,” she said with a smile. “You can do anything you want with them. You can hurt them, kill them, make them your playthings…whatever you want. Just…” Her eyes filled with tears and she pressed her lips together. “That little bitch Vera’s life is mine. I don’t care what you do to her, but when it’s time for her to die, she’s mine.” Her lips trembled and she swallowed hard.

“But…I don’t…” He shook his head slowly, marveling at the way the room lagged behind.

She squeezed his hand. “We’ll talk about it when you haven’t had ketamine, baby,” she whispered, leaning forward to plant a kiss on his forehead. As she pulled back he aimed a kiss into the air, slightly confused about how she had moved back so quickly. Her fingers stroked through his hair as his eyes slid slowly shut.

“Ketamine is good,” he sighed.


	8. Chapter 8

Isaac’s hands were tight on the wheel. _Even when we aren’t even running from something, I feel like I’m being chased._ He rolled his neck and consciously relaxed his hands.

“You ok?”

He looked over to see Sam staring at him, their eyes wide with concern. They bit their lip.

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Just want to get there. We’ve got a long way to go.”

“Yeah.” They forward at the car in front of them where Finn, Ellis, Gray, and Edrissa were just visible as silhouettes through the back window.

“We’ll make it.” Isaac glanced back at Tori as she said it, her eyes tense, her lips a thin line. The bruises around her neck were only just starting turn purple after a week of Gray’s recuperation at the hospital and four days on the road. Vera pressed a kiss against the side of her head and pulled her closer.

Gray’s recovery had been harder than they’d anticipated. The chest tube had stayed in for days, pulling the lung open after it collapsed after the breathing tube had come out. _“Gray’s not a young person,”_ the doctor had said to the team in a hushed voice outside their room. _“This recovery is going to be hard. They can probably safely leave in a few days. But they won’t be back to normal for…months, maybe.”_ She’d looked sad as they told them. _“Whatever life you’re living, whatever fight you’re trying to win, they won’t be able to do it with you anymore.”_ Tori had cried for hours.

Now they were running again. Miraculously, they’d been able to stay hidden from the syndicates during their time at the hospital. They were racing against the chance – the inevitability, it seemed – that they wouldn’t make it north. That they would be caught. Captured. Tortured. Killed.

They’d been forced to stick to back roads, sometimes staying in one place for hours as they waited for a safe time to move. Just after leaving Beringer, they’d had to hunker down and hide in their cars as a syndicate helicopter had circled overhead for most of the day. They still had another two or three days to go, at that rate. Isaac’s brow furrowed. _I can’t believe we weren’t found while Gray was recovering._

“Do you think we’ll make it to the house you told us about tonight?” Sam turned around to focus on Tori.

“We might get there tonight.” Tori looked out the window at the unending horizon of grass, shimmering almost white with the sun directly overhead. “It might be another eight hours. I don’t remember exactly where it is, but I think we’re still pretty far away.”

“Can we stay there tonight?” Sam stifled a yawn.

Isaac covered his mouth as he yawned, too. It had been a long day and a half. They hadn’t stopped yet, pulling over for bathroom breaks and to switch out drivers every few hours. His back ached and his legs had long since cramped. The journey was taking three times as long as it would have if they hadn’t been sticking to backroads. “If there’s no one following us, then yes.”

“And if there is?” Sam’s throat bobbed as they swallowed.

Isaac blew out a slow breath. “We’ll handle it.”

Vera wrapped her arms tighter around Tori. Tori folded into her embrace, wincing slightly as her arm pressed against the broken skin of her back. _“Sorry,”_ Vera whispered.

Sam’s gaze turned back to Isaac. “Do you think it’ll just be the syndicates after us? Or…or bounty hunters too?”

Isaac’s jaw clenched. “I don’t know.”

“Would people…really turn us over to the syndicates?”

“They would if the money was good enough.”

“But…” Sam’s eyes sparkled with tears. “But we’re all on the same side…”

“You heard the guards back at the hospital,” he said under his breath. “There are no more sides. We can’t blame people for doing their best to get by.”

“I wouldn’t give people to the syndicates even if I needed the money,” Sam mumbled. They crossed their arms in front of their chest and looked out the window.

Isaac looked over at them, the corner of his mouth turning up in a half-smile. “Not everyone’s like you, Sam.”

“Interesting that people guarding a hospital would argue there are no sides,” Vera snarked.

“Interesting isn’t the word I’d use to describe them,” Isaac growled, his knuckles going white against the steering wheel again.

“What does that mean?” Tori sat forward.

Isaac shot Sam a glance. They had gone very still next to him, staring militantly out the window.

“Isaac?” Vera’s voice was tight with concern.

Sam turned back to Isaac, their eyes downcast. “When we got there they…uh…”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want,” Isaac murmured. He pressed his lips together.

“I…I know…” Sam chewed their lip. “Um…” Their voice became very small. “The guards wanted to…um…trade me. For Gray’s surgery.”

_“Trade…”_ Vera’s eyes narrowed and her nose wrinkled in revulsion. “Trade, like…”

“Yeah,” Isaac spat through clenched teeth. “And you…” He jerked his chin up, eyes fixed on the road. “You were going to give yourself to them.”

Sam hung their head. “If it meant Gray got their surgery -”

“Sam, no…” Tori whispered. Her hand went over the front seat to rub their shoulder.

Sam turned wide, tear-filled eyes to Isaac. “I knew you would protect me.”

“Then why did you -”

“I mean…” They swallowed. “I mean you wouldn’t have let them…kill me.”

Isaac glanced at Sam, his face twisted in horror. “But you think I’d just…let them…”

“I just wanted to save Gray,” they whispered miserably, tears running down their nose. Vera’s hand went to Sam’s other shoulder and she squeezed. They stared at their lap, face twisted in shame. “I’m sorry.”

Isaac leaned his elbow on the door and pressed his face into his hand. His eyes pricked with tears. “Please don’t apologize.”

“Sorry.” Sam sniffed. They glanced up at Isaac. He felt their eyes on him and his face pulled into a twisted smile. They laughed once through their tears. “Sorry.”

Isaac licked his lips, working to force down the lump in his throat. “Sam…”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.” He dashed the tears from his eyes. “I can’t protect you. No matter where we go, no matter who we’re with, all I can ever think about is how Gavin wants us dead, or worse, and has almost unlimited resources to make both those things happen, and no matter _what I do_ I can’t…” He shook his head bitterly. “I can’t keep you safe. Not even from our own… _side._ Because it doesn’t matter who’s syndicate and who’s not anymore. No matter where we go there will be people who want to hurt us, hurt _you_ and I…I thought I could stop all that when I went to Gavin. But it turns out that didn’t matter.”

“Isaac!” Vera’s mouth hung open.

He pushed on, bitter tears burning his cheeks. “None of it matters. Even after all that we’ve been through you could have been taken, maybe killed, on the steps of a hospital that was supposed to be on our side.”

Sam was quiet for a long moment. “It mattered to me that you went to Gavin in my place,” they whispered.

Isaac’s eyes snapped to Sam’s and guilt clouded his face. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.” His hand loosened a little on the wheel and his lip trembled. “I just want to protect you. It’s all…” He wiped his nose. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. For you to be safe.”

Sam’s dark eyes rested on Isaac for a long time. Then, in one motion, they scooted themselves across the seat and tucked themselves under his arm. Isaac’s breath caught in his chest and he wrapped his arm around them, crushing them against his side. They laid their head against his shoulder and he squeezed them tighter.

“Maybe you can’t keep me safe.” They shrugged. “Maybe no one can. But…you saved me. Three times.” They cuddled against his side. “It’s more than enough.”

His voice wobbled. “Thanks, Sam.”

“I mean it.” They pulled back and looked at him. “Can’t you just…forgive yourself?”

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the heavy, metallic dread in his gut that the miles had done nothing to alleviate, or maybe it was the weight of the past six months coming down on him all at once. But Isaac looked down into Sam’s trusting eyes, still a little watery but warm with their smile, and he lost control.

He eased the car onto the shoulder and put it in park, pressing his hands against his face and sobbing. Sam’s arms went around him and he clutched at them, fingers tangling in their curls as he pulled them firmly against his chest. He heaved forward with each sob, feeling Sam’s fingers dig into his back and make fists around his shirt.

He heard the door close and looked up to see Vera intercepting a very worried-looking Ellis. “We just need to switch out drivers,” he heard her say faintly through the closed window.

“Is Isaac ok?” Ellis was practically pushing past her, their eyes fixed on him. They pulled the driver’s side door open. “Isaac? What’s wrong?”

He sniffed. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, scrubbing his face with his sleeve. “It’s just been…um…” He blew out a gusty exhale. “I’m just tired I guess.”

“Oh. Ok.” They looked visibly relieved. “So everyone’s ok?”

“Yeah. Everyone’s fine.” He pulled away from Sam and ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I _could_ take a break from driving.”

“I’m up next,” said Tori as she climbed out of the car.

“Go tell everyone we’re ok or Finn’s gonna have a damn aneurism,” Vera laughed. They all looked over to see Finn’s face plastered against the back window, apparently having crawled into the back of the car to see what was going on, unwilling to leave Gray.

“They’ve been fussing over Gray’s stitches all day,” Ellis grumped.

“We can switch if you want…” Vera offered.

They glanced back at the car. Their face pulled into a grudging smile. “No thanks.” They turned to walk back to the car. “Next time we pull over you guys can lead for a bit.”

“We’ll reach the house today, so that works. I can guide us in,” Tori called after them. Ellis threw a thumbs up over their shoulder and climbed back into the driver’s seat.

Isaac stood up and stretched. “Thanks Tori,” he murmured as she walked to the driver’s seat. He climbed into the back. Sam scrambled to join him. Vera laughed and got out, walking over to sit in front with Tori.

Sam moved to Isaac’s side as if drawn by a magnet and curled up against him again. His arm went around their shoulder and he pulled them close, his other hand distractedly stroking through their hair as Tori put the car in gear and slowly got up to speed behind the other car. A few stray tears made their way down his cheeks as he stared out the opposite window, warmed with Sam’s closeness. They sighed and closed their eyes. He kept holding them after they relaxed into his arms and began to snore softly. He smiled gently and pressed a kiss into their forehead.


	9. Cold-blooded torture

He was making a splendid recovery. At least, that’s what the surgeon said. He’d been discharged from the hospital days ago and was starting to feel more like a person again. More whole. More _alive._

His mother had been doting on him endlessly, tending to his every need, waiting on him hand and foot. It’s not that he minded, but he’d never felt so dependent on someone else.

Maybe that wasn’t entirely true. When he’d woken from his medically-induced coma when Isaac had broken his nose, cheekbone, and eyesocket with just his fist, he’d needed more help. He’d been _cathed,_ for Christ’s sake. Couldn’t even _pee_ on his own.

His mother had had a husband when that happened, though. Now she only had him.

The house had seen a revolving door of relatives and friends passing on their condolences to him and his mother. He’d received them graciously, as graciously as he could when slightly buzzing from painkillers. He’d withstood their hands on his shoulder, gritted his teeth against their raised eyebrows when he refused to shake hands. Nevermind that it sent agony shooting through his chest when he moved, or tried to move, or thought about moving. Nevermind he’d been bedbound for the first eight days of his recovery, unable to do so much as lift his head without feeling like he’d been shot all over again. Nevermind that it was _his father_ who’d been murdered, slaughtered in front of his eyes like prey. They had expectations of him, and he was being disappointing.

His mother swept into the room, her eyes sparkling like he hadn’t seen since… He winced. He couldn’t go an hour without some crushing realization that something was happening without his father, and the fact that he’d never be there for him again. He sat up slowly on the couch, face twisting as he shuddered against the pain. “Hey mom,” he rasped. “What’s up?”

“I have a surprise for you.” Her lips curled up into a smile that looked almost happy.

“Great.” His voice was flat. “What is it?”

“Come with me. I’ll show you.” She offered her hand to him.

He looked at her hand, then up at her. “Is it ok if you bring it to me? I’m…really hurting right now.”

She pursed her lips at him, mild annoyance coming through in her eyes. “No, darling. Come on. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.”

He hung his head in supplication. “Ok.” He took her hand, groaning softly as the pain crescendoed in his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut and stood still for a moment, blowing out a slow breath as he waited for it to fade again. He blinked his eyes open to see her staring expectantly at him. “Ok. Let’s go.”

She led him through the kitchen out the back door and into the yard. The house was small, more like a cottage than anything else. But Gavin had asked specifically to stay there for his recuperation. _Out of the way. Away from other people. So I can relax, be by myself._ She led him across the small yard to the small work shed that held the tools the help used to keep the property perfectly, imperfectly manicured to resemble the quaint wilderness-feeling that some cottages in the country had. He looked at the ground as they made their way to the door.

She turned back to him and clasped her hands under her chin. “I know it’s still early in your recovery,” she said, gazing at him fondly, “but I really think this will help you feel better. Get you feeling more like…yourself again.” Before he could ask her what she meant, she pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Gavin’s eyes went wide as he realized what exactly she had meant by a surprise: there was a young man tied to a chair, gagged, and looking absolutely terrified.

He turned to her with wide eyes. “Mom…”

“I know, I know. Maybe a little early for this. But…” Her hand went to his cheek and for a moment, her smile fell away to reveal the aching sadness beneath. “It’s been…hard…since your father died.” She smiled gently and tears ran from the corners of her eyes. “I want you to be reminded that not _everything_ has to change.”

“But mom, I…”

“This is Peter.” She presented him to Gavin with a sweep of her hand. “I wanted to do something for you to help you feel better. You’ve been so brave, sitting through all these visitors, you’ve been so brave through the pain…” She picked up a knife from the bench and passed it to him. “Let’s do something just for you.”

He looked down at the knife, held loosely in his shaking hand. His mouth felt bone dry. He felt the stir of something in him, something dark and unsettling and unwelcome. It wasn’t the excitement he normally felt when he hurt someone. It wasn’t that sweet flutter he got in his stomach when he imagined what it would be like to lay someone open with a knife. It was…something else.

It was _fear._

“Mom, I…” He wet his lips. “I don’t think I can.”

She placed her hand gently on his arm. “Sure you can, sweetheart. I’ll help you.” She took the knife from his hand and turned to the poor man – man, he looked closer to a _boy_ – and held the knife to his throat. He dissolved into sobs behind the gag, thick tears rolling down his cheeks as so many sounds of fear came bubbling out his throat, one right after the other. For a moment Gavin felt the familiar fluttering in him that normally rose when he heard sounds like that. Immediately on its heels was a creeping dread that he shivered against, a feeling that told him _last time you felt this way, a monster shot you and slaughtered your father in front of you._ His lips trembled. He realized she was looking at him, waiting for him to step forward. He did, on legs that wobbled.

She took the knife away from his throat and drew it down the side of his arm. He whimpered, twisting away from the pain. A slow drop of blood rolled lazily down his arm and dropped with a tiny splatter to the floor.

Gavin’s hands started to shake.

He took another step forward until he was standing almost between the man’s legs. His eyes were red and raw, like he’d already been crying for hours. He licked his lips. “Where did he come from?”

“Does it matter?” She sounded confused. She brought the knife to his arm and made another cut, much deeper. The man screamed, jaw clenched tight against the gag. A steady stream of red wound down the man’s arm and began to dribble onto the floor.

His voice shook. “N-no.” The blood was so _red_ , garishly so. He hadn’t seen anything that color since… He squeezed his eyes shut against the flash of memory, of his father’s blood gushing down Vera’s chin and throat and onto her shirt. He swallowed hard. _I did this to Sam. I cut them in the same exact place._ He balked at the sudden, unwelcome thought that jumped into his mind.

“Don’t worry about it, honey.” The knife flashed as it went to the man’s arm again, carving into him. Gavin felt dizzy with his screams. _Why do I feel so weird? Usually this makes me feel good._ He experimentally fished around in his mind for the familiar sensation, the warm feeling that spread through his bones at the sound of screams, at the sight of blood. At the sight of a face made haggard with agony. He swallowed hard.

His mother stepped back and passed the knife to him. He tightened his hand around it, trying to feel the weight, the familiar heft of it. In a fluid motion he brought the knife to the man’s other shoulder and drew it over his skin. It split under the knife, opening him up, letting the blood spill out. For a split second, for a brief moment of bliss, Gavin felt the feelings inside him, sharp and warm and so, so good. His heart fluttered. _Maybe I just needed a second to get back into it._ He drew the knife down the man’s chest this time, cutting his shirt and the skin underneath, watching the red stain grow along the edges. His own chest ached with the motion of his arm. He put the feeling away and went to make another cut across the man’s arm. The man’s gaze darted around the room in panic and desperation. His eyes flicked up to Gavin’s for a moment, pleading and scared and so delicious.

Then, somehow, the smell of blood hit him all at once.

He staggered backwards, nearly dropping the knife. He stood stock still as memory after memory crashed over him, of his father, his throat hanging open, the blood soaked into the floor, his and Gavin’s, of the mind-numbing terror of lying on the floor of his childhood summer home, bleeding out onto the carpet. A choked sob tore from his throat.

“Gavin, honey?” His mother took a step towards him, her hands held out and stained with blood. “Honey? What’s the matter?”

“This used to make me feel good,” he whispered, tears threatening in his voice. “Now this just makes me feel scared.”

She stared at him, dumbfounded. “What, sweetheart?”

He held the knife out to her. “I’m sorry. I need…maybe I just need more time.” He glanced at the man, whose eyes were flicking between him and the knife.

“What, you don’t want to try again?”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “No.” He swallowed. “Please.”

Hesitantly, she took the knife. “Ok, honey.” She walked behind the man. “Just let me get rid of this.” Before Gavin could say anything she drew the knife across the man’s throat, cutting deep. He screamed and jumped back from the fountain of blood that poured from his neck. The man immediately paled, shuddered, died. Gavin turned and bolted to the door, barely clearing the threshold before he vomited into the grass. He groaned as he retched, the motion sparking fire in his wound. He heard his mother right behind him, felt her cool hand rubbing unsure circles on his back. He sobbed and sank to his knees.


	10. Disowned by family

Gavin sat huddled on the couch, his knees pulled up to his chest. His skin still glistened with a thin sheen of sweat and his stomach roiled mercilessly. If he could just keep his mind away from the memories, it was alright. If he could think about anything other than…other than…

He gagged weakly as the memory of blood overwhelmed him again. Lying helpless on the carpet, a hole in his chest, watching his father’s throat ripped out by his own plaything. He could never have imagined that kind of… _brutality_ …if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes. Now it was burned into his mind, no matter what he did to shut it out.

He did his best to take in a deep breath and blow it out through his lips. His chest ached as his ribs expanded, making his stomach lurch again.

_What’s wrong with me?_ His mind shivered around the thought of the young man lying dead in the tool shed. Well, he probably wasn’t lying there _now_ … The servants had been shooed towards the yard by his mother as she’d guided him into the house, a worried hand pulling him to the couch. _“Go clean that up,”_ she’d said, like she’d accidentally spilled tea, not blood.

_I’ve never_ not _liked hurting people._ He pressed his face into his hands. _Did that plaything – did_ Vera _– take that from me, too?_ He forced down a sob. _Who am I if I can’t hurt someone?_

He could feel it in him, deep down, past the fear and the guilt and the horror of his father’s death. He could feel that warm blanket of pleasure that waited to envelop him every time he took the knife to someone. Every time made someone _suffer_. Now, that seemed shielded from him. It seemed taken.

His mother opened the door from the hallway and slid slowly into the room. She approached him with hesitant steps, her face pinched with worry. She stopped in front of him and ran her fingers gently through his hair. “Oh, sweetheart,” she murmured. “You’ll feel like yourself again in no time.”

He nodded miserably, leaning slightly into the touch. She smiled.

She seemed a little smug about something. “I was right. They _are_ headed north.” She sat on the couch next to him.

“Who?”

She glared at him, but gently. “You know who. Isaac and Vera and the rest.” She sniffed delicately. “They’re in some dirty little hovel a few hours north of here on the old turnpike at 52. Some… _safehouse.”_ Her lip curled. “I’m surprised it’s taken them this long to get there.”

His eyebrows drifted together. “How do you know that?”

She smiled and shook her head. “I should have known better than to tell you when you were medicated.” Her hand went to his hair again and stroked gently through. His eyes slid closed for a moment. “There have been a lot of rumors of places outside of our control up north.” She rolled her eyes. “We can’t be everywhere. Who would want to live in such a miserable part of the country, anyway?” She sighed. “Our people in Beringer were able to get a tracker placed on their car. Instead of just taking them, the Wilsons and the Torrs wanted to track them to wherever they think is safe and make sure it no longer is.” Her mouth twisted into a sneer. “Send a message to everyone that would try to hurt us that doing so is incredibly unwise.” She squeezed his hand. “But we’ve got time. Time to get you feeling back to normal again.”

“I’m sorry, I just…” His face fell a little. “I…don’t…I don’t want this anymore. I don’t think I…can.”

“Then what,” she said evenly, “exactly, do you plan to do once I’ve brought those wretched little shits home?”

He couldn’t look at her. His eyes slid closed. “Please,” he whispered. “Please, don’t bring them here. I don’t care anymore, I don’t care about them. I never want to see them again. Please…if they’re headed north, maybe we should just let them. There’s no way they’d ever come near us again.”

“No.” He opened his eyes at the sound of her voice, sharp and steely. “I’m going to find them, and you’re going to help me.”

He raised his eyes slowly to his mother, expecting to find annoyance, or concern, or anything other than what he found: coldness. “What?”

“The tracker is just insurance.” She pursued her lips. “I want them to come to _me.”_ Her nostrils flared as she drew in a slow inhale. “I want them to think they’ve won. I want them to think they have the chance to end this forever and then rip it away from them.”

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “…what could you possibly offer them that would make them think that?”

Her eyes softened for a moment and her hand went up to gently stroke his cheek. “You, honey.”

His eyes went wide. _“What?”_

“They’d never get close to you, sweetheart,” she soothed. “It would just _look_ like they were going to, and then…we’d take them.”

“You’d use me as…as _bait?”_ His stomach dropped.

“Only to coax them in.” There was a light in her eyes that Gavin didn’t trust.

“How could you protect me? You don’t know what they’re _like…”_

“Don’t worry about that, sweetheart. Just know that in the end, we’d have them.” She wet her lips. “We’d have them all. Especially…” Her lips curled back over her teeth. _“Vera.”_ She spat out the name like it was a curse.

He was leaning away from her. “How could you put me at risk like that? I’m safe now. How could you just… _dangle_ me out there…”

She gently cupped his face. “This is a chance to make the plaything that killed your father _suffer,_ honey.”

He pulled her hands away from his face. “Dad’s d-dead, mom,” he whispered. “But I’m not. Why would you risk me to catch them…when I don’t even _want_ them anymore…”

She let her hands fall to her sides. “This isn’t about what you _want,_ Gavin. It’s about what’s _right.”_

“Is it worth it to you to risk me to do what’s _right?”_

Her eyes narrowed and she tilted her head. “Yes. But it wouldn’t be a risk. You’d be safe.”

“I won’t do it.” He lifted his chin. “I don’t want to.” He shuddered at how her eyes seemed to ice over again.

“I don’t care what you _want,_ sweetheart,” she hissed. “Perhaps you don’t care that your father is dead, but I do. I’m offering you the opportunity to crush the people who killed him.”

“I won’t do it.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

He stared at her, his mouth hanging slightly open. He turned to go. “I’m leaving. I’m staying with Mark for a while.”

“You will do this,” she said softly, “or you will find no door open for you. Don’t turn your back on your family, Gavin.”

He spun to face her. “It feels like _you’re_ the one turning your back on _me,_ mom.”

She stared him down. “We don’t have a chance of bringing them to us unless I use you. You will do this.”

A chill moved down his spine. He swallowed hard against the lump that rose in his throat. “No. I won’t.” He reached for his coat.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I don’t know,” he threw over his shoulder, eyes streaming with angry tears. “I’ll figure it out.”

“I’ll freeze all your credit cards. Contact all our friends. I’ll make sure not a single family door opens for you. Not until you come to your senses and help me with this.” His hand stopped on the door handle. “They killed my husband. Nothing will stop me from bringing them to justice.” He glanced back at her, at the expression of rage that twisted her features. “Not even you.”

“I’m still alive, mom,” he said, his voice breaking. “Call me when you’ve got your priorities straight.”

“If you walk out that door, you will not be welcome here again.”

His heart broke at the malice in her voice. “I won’t be your bait,” he said miserably. “Dad would have understood.”

“Gavin.” He flinched as her voice shot across the room. She stood. “Why do you think he let Vera get close to you?”

He turned all the way around to face her, paling. _“…what?”_

Her eyes narrowed at him. “He let Vera come to you because he knew she wouldn’t be able to resist the opportunity to take your life.” Her lip curled into a sneer, hostility coiling tightly in her eyes. “Because you couldn’t leave well enough alone. You _had_ to seek them out. You killed their friend. You kidnapped that bitch’s little paramour. As soon as he saw Vera’s picture he knew she’d come straight to you. So he let her come. He let her walk right into his trap.” She jabbed a finger in his direction. “A trap _you_ laid.”

He threw his hands into the air. “So you see how dangerous this idiotic plan of yours is!”

“You underestimated her. You told him she’d be yours as soon as she saw him. That she was weak. That she was _broken._ Your father is dead because you laid a _poor_ trap,” she spat. “Your father is dead because of _you.”_

His eyes suddenly blurred with tears. A sob moved through his throat. “Good bye, mom,” he rasped. He slammed the door behind him and made his way to the garage.

He walked straight to the fastest car. He opened the door and popped open the visor. The keys fell onto the seat. He climbed into the car, furiously wiping his eyes against his sleeve. A half-formed plan was swirling in his mind. It would be incredibly dangerous, but no more dangerous than his mother’s plan to dangle him out for Isaac to snatch. His chest burned with bitterness. _They were both willing to string me up to catch him._ He put the key in the ignition and started the car, feeling the engine vibrate the seat. He did some quick mental math. If his mother was right, he’d reach the house in little more than four hours. He revved the engine. _Maybe three._ He pulled out of the garage and onto the street. He hit 60 before he reached the end of the block.


	11. Chapter 11

Vera held her hand out to Tori. “Come here,” she murmured with a smile.

Tori took her hand and sat down on the bed next to her, the foot of space between them seeming to yawn open. The crumbing, abandoned safehouse that they’d made it to had four bedrooms, and this was one of the first times they’d been alone together since… Tori shuddered. The memory still felt like an open wound in her mind.

Vera’s mouth turned down at the corners. “Come on, babe,” she whispered. “I want…” Her fingers twisted through Tori’s and she tried to pull her closer.

Tori pulled back a little against her hand. “Vera…” She chewed her lip. “I’m just…”

Vera stopped and leaned back, her face growing serious. “I’m sorry. Do you not -”

“It’s ok.” Tori’s face twisted with concern. “I’m just worried about…you. It’s only been…what…a week and a half since…?” The unspoken words hung in the air between them. _Since you saw your captor again. Since he tortured you with his threats and rules and words. Since you tore his throat open and watched him die like a slaughtered animal._

Vera shrugged her shoulders up around her ears. “I’m fine,” she murmured. She stopped when Tori quirked up an eyebrow. “I mean I’m not… _fine_ …but I’m ok. And…” She stroked her fingers along Tori’s arm. “I miss you.”

Tori moved closer, her hand moving along Vera’s arm to wrap gently around her wrist. “I miss you too. I’m just…I know sometimes this sort of thing can…bring things up again. Pull things to the surface. Worse than before. I’ve seen it… I don’t want you to…”

Vera took Tori’s face gently between her palms. “If that happens, I’ll tell you, ok?”

Tori pressed her lips together, a little dubious. She ached for Vera, too. She ached to feel her hands on her skin, her mouth, her body, pressing and sucking and sweating and crying out… She shook herself. _It doesn’t matter what you want if it hurts her._ She swallowed hard. “Ok. But we stop if something happens.”

“Of course,” Vera mumbled as she pulled Tori’s mouth against hers.

They fell together onto the bed, Tori pressed against the length of Vera’s body. Tori whimpered at the taste of Vera’s mouth, the _familiar-safe-wild-sexy_ smell all around her as Vera’s hands moved over her. She whined softly as Vera moved her lips to her ear, down her neck, and she couldn’t help the awakening feeling between her legs. She knelt between Vera’s knees and pressed her hips forward. Vera’s legs immediately opened to her. Her hand made a fist in Vera’s hair and she grazed her teeth over her bottom lip.

“I want this,” Vera whispered.

“I want you,” Tori whispered back.

Vera moaned softly against her mouth and surrendered, pulling her own hands up over her head in a sign of perfect vulnerability. Her eyes fluttered closed and she opened her mouth to Tori’s tongue, legs opening wider, falling back against the bed to either side. Tori shivered at the feeling of Vera opening up her body to her.

Tori’s hand moved down Vera’s chest to her waist and she gripped her there, pulling her closer against her. Vera whimpered softly.

“I want this.”

“I want you too, babe.” Tori trembled at the rush of blood to her sex, how she could already feel herself becoming wet. _God, you’re so beautiful. Please take me, please, please, god I need you. God, I want you._

“I want this.”

Tori froze and pushed herself away from Vera. Her stomach dropped at the sight of Vera’s eyes half-open, glazed over, lips trembling. _No._

Tori scrambled off of her and all the way to the other side of the bed. Vera lay on her back, her arms still above her head, chest moving with her gasping breaths.

“Vera?” Tori’s voice shook. “Vera, where are you right now?”

Vera’s lips trembled and she locked her jaw closed. A tear ran slowly down the side of her face into her hair.

Tori bit down on her tongue, stomach lurching against what she knew she had to say next. “Vera…y-you can speak.”

“T-thank you.” Her eyes fluttered closed and two more tears coursed down her face.

“Vera, where are you right now?”

Her forehead wrinkled with confusion. “I…um…” She licked her lips.

“It’s ok. You’re in the safehouse. We’re headed north, remember?”

“N-north…?”

“Yeah. We’re going away from the syndicates. Do you remember all that?”

“Um…” She whimpered, cringing in on herself. She kept her arms locked above her head on the bed.

“Vera, you can put your hands down. You don’t have to…do that.” Tori wrapped her arms around herself, biting down on her lip, trying to hold the tears back.

Vera brought her arms to her sides, her legs still splayed out to the side.

“Vera, would you be…more… _comfortable_ …if you could curl up under the blanket? Are you cold?”

“Cold…?” She nodded.

“Ok.” Tori moved closer to her, careful not to touch her. “Vera, sit up, and…” She looked around, shuddering as Vera immediately obeyed. “Sit against the headboard, ok? We’ll get the blanket on you.” Vera scooted back and sat rigid against the backboard, her knees coming up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs and shivered. Tori pulled the comforter off the bed and tucked it around her. She moved back and sat at the foot of the bed. “Better?”

Vera nodded slowly. “Thank you.”

“Vera, can you tell me where you are? What you’re seeing right now?” _I knew seeing him would do this, I_ knew _it and I still did this with her…_

“I…” Her voice broke. “I see…um… _him_ …and I…” She swallowed hard. Her eyes were wide.

“Ok. You’re safe, Vera. You’re not with him. Ok? You’re here with me, in this room. Can you feel the blanket around you?” Vera mindlessly grasped at the blanket, eyes staring wide and blank at the opposite wall. She nodded mechanically. Tori forced down her tears. “Can you breathe with me? Can you do that?”

“Yes.” Vera’s voice was low and robotic.

“Ok. Breathe in…” Vera obeyed. “Hold. Good. Breathe out. Feel the breaths, ok? Feel them coming in and out. Breathe in…hold…breathe out.” Vera was shaking as she did it, tears spilling down her cheeks. “In…hold…out.”

Vera suddenly went rigid, her eyes wide and staring off into space. Her breath huffed out of her and her mouth fell open in a silent scream.

Tori’s hands jerked towards Vera and she caught herself, pulling back. “V-Vera? What happened?”

Vera’s voice was strained into a ragged whisper. “There’s…” She swallowed and shook her head.

“It’s ok. What’s wrong? What is it?”

Vera’s eyes darted back and forth, uncomprehending and vacant. Her breaths were coming so fast she rocked against the headboard, out of control.

Tori’s hands shook as she dug her fingers into the bedspread, rooting herself to the spot. She ached to pull Vera into her arms, smooth her hair, whisper in her ear that everything was alright. She trembled with tension and the tears started down her cheeks. “Vera, please…” Her throat closed in a sob. She hardened her voice. “Tell me what’s wrong,” she ordered, hating herself as she did it.

Vera blinked and shook herself. “Yes sir. I…see…” Her tongue moved along her lip as she mindlessly tasted her tears. “There’s…someone…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. Tori had to lean forward to hear her. _“There’s someone else here with me.”_

Tori leaned back. “I know. I’m here with you. There’s no one else in this room, ok? You’re stuck in that place again, but you’re here. With me. No one else.”

Vera shook her head. _“No,_ I mean -” She flinched back. “I’m sorry. I mean…” Her eyes were fixed on the opposite wall. “There’s…someone… _else.”_

Tori shivered. “You mean there was…someone else…hurting you? When you were there with him?”

Vera’s mouth gaped open as her eyebrows pulled together. “No…yes…I think…”

_I never knew there were_ two _of them. How could she have kept this from me?_ “Can you see this person now?”

“I can’t…remember…” Her hands moved up to rub against her upper arms. “I… _feel_ …them.” Her mouth fell open in the shape of an _O._ _“Him.”_

Tori’s eyes fell closed and sent tears cascading down her cheeks. “Was he…part of a syndicate?”

Vera shook her head desperately. “I can’t remember, I can’t _remember,_ I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…” Her hands went up to protect her head and she cringed into herself. _“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry…”_

“It’s ok, Vera,” Tori whispered. “You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Vera sobbed incoherently, crumpling against the headboard, curling up on her side, arms going up to protect her head. “Vera, can you remember anything else about him? What he did? Did he hurt you?”

Vera’s sobs grew louder. “I can’t remember I can’t remember I can’t remember I can’t remember I can’t remember I’m _not allowed to!”_ The last words were a scream.

Tori jumped up from the bed, stomach lurching with dread. She pressed her hands against her mouth and tried to force down the growing, suffocating feeling of terror that was rising in her. “Vera,” she hissed, voice tight with sobs, “stay _here,_ I’ll be right back but stay _here.”_ She waited to see Vera nod before she turned and almost ran from the room.

She nearly collided with Gray just outside the door. Their eyes were wide with concern. “What happened? I heard her scream…”

Tori did her best to calm her voice, but she could do nothing to stop the tears. “Gray, it’s bad, she…”

Gray brushed gently past her and into the room. She followed behind, shaking, a hand pressed to her mouth. Gray stopped as they saw Vera curled up at the head of the bed, body heaving with sobs.

“We were just kissing,” Tori whimpered. “We shouldn’t have done it, I should have known it was too soon, I shouldn’t have done it, I _know_ that…”

Gray’s hand went gently to her shoulder. “It’s ok,” they said gently. “It’s not your fault.”

“I tried to say we shouldn’t but she said she was ok…I’m sorry, I should have known…”

“Tori…” She quieted at Gray’s soothing voice. “Stop. This is part of her recovery, ok? And…and yours. You can’t blame yourself for this.” Their thumbs wiped the tears away from her cheeks. “Let me help Vera and then we can talk about this, ok?”

“What happened?” Tori turned as the others all appeared in the doorway.

She scrubbed her face on her sleeve. “Um…Vera…um…”

“How about everybody waits in the living room?” Gray held a hand out towards the others. “Let’s not overwhelm her. She’s going to be ok. She just needs a minute.” They turned to Tori. “Do you want to go wait outside? Talk with the others?”

Tori hesitated, then shook her head. “No. Please. Can I be with her? Please?”

Gray turned back to Vera. “I’m not going to tell you you can’t, Tori. Just wanted to know if you wanted to talk to someone while I help Vera.”

“I’ll be ok,” she whispered. “I want to make sure she’s ok.” She turned to the door and watched the others slowly back away and into the hall.

“Vera,” Gray murmured gently. “Vera, it’s Gray. You can speak. What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered from where she was curled under the blanket. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” They sat next to her on the bed. “Do you know where you are right now?”

“I don’t _know!”_ she cried, then huddled against the headboard at her outburst. _“No_ no no no no I’m sorry…I’ll be good, I’ll be quiet…please…”

“You’re not in trouble, Vera.” Tori stood at the foot of the bed as Gray spoke to her soothingly, wringing her hands. “Can you tell me why you’re upset?”

“I’m not supposed to remember,” she whispered. “I was bad, I wasn’t supposed to remember…”

“You weren’t bad, and you won’t be punished.” Vera flinched at the word. Gray pressed on. “You won’t be punished, ok? I’m telling you it’s ok to remember. You’re good, Vera. It’s ok to remember whatever you want.”

She whimpered softly. “I don’t… _want_ …to remember…”

“What don’t you want to remember?”

She mewled and curled up tighter into herself. Gray glanced at Tori, a question on their face.

“She remembered someone else,” Tori mumbled. “She said she could remember another man. Another man in… _there_ …with her.”

Gray’s face twisted in pain. “Another man hurting her?”

“I don’t know.” Tori shook her head as her voice disappeared. “I don’t _know…”_

Gray turned back to Vera. “Vera, can you…what can you remember about him?”

She pressed her face into the mattress. “I…I can’t…I remember…I can _feel_ him…”

“Did he hurt you too?”

“No…yes…I can’t…”

Gray licked their lips, thinking. “Was he a _bad_ man?”

She answered immediately. “No.”

“Was…was the other one a bad man?”

She whimpered. “I… _I’m_ being bad, he made me good, he made me…”

“Shh,” Gray murmured. “You’re not being bad, Vera. You’re being good. You’re always good, no matter what you do.”

“Bad…” she whispered. “Bad girl, don’t remember him, don’t remember, he was nothing, he was bad, forget him, forget him, he never existed, there is no getting out, you imagined him, Vera, bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl…”

“I can’t,” Tori sobbed, and left the room. Gray watched her go, concern pinching their features, and turned their attention back to Vera.

“Bad girl,” she was still whispering. “Bad girl. Now I have to make you good, now I have to make you better, I have to make you good, bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl.”

“Vera, _stop,”_ Gray ordered. They bit their tongue and swallowed bitter shame. She immediately fell silent. “Vera, I need you come back to me now. Ok? Just like we’ve done before. I need you to leave that place you’re in and come back to where you are now. With me. Take a deep breath, ok?” She obeyed. “Good. And out.”

She blew out a shaking breath and immediately gasped in an inhale. “I’m sorry, please don’t, I’m sorry, I won’t remember I promise please no no no…”

“Breathe in, Vera.” Her mouth snapped shut and she dragged in a breath through her stuffy nose. “Out.” She let the air back out. Gray paused for the briefest moment, seeing if she would start begging again. She trembled silently against the bed. They let out their own tiny sigh of relief. “In.” She dragged in a breath and coughed on her tears so hard she started to gag. “You’re alright, Vera. Out.” She slowly exhaled. Gray twisted their hands together. “In.” They both took a slow inhale in. “Good. Out.” They pursed their lips and blew the air out slowly. Her shaking seemed to ease a little. “In.” They could hear her ragged breath as it moved in. “Out.” They both exhaled together.

Over and over Gray breathed with Vera, in and out, in and out, slower and slower until she was no longer curled tightly into a ball, but slumped in a pile next to the headboard.

“Vera?”

She shuddered. “Yes.”

“Are you back with me again?”

Her voice twisted into a sob. “Yes.”

“Can you see me? Do you still see that other place?”

She lifted her head weakly. “No. I just see you.” Her head dropped back down to the mattress.

“Ok. Can you tell me what just happened? If you think it’ll put you back in that place then we don’t have to talk about it.”

She pushed herself upright and leaned back against the headboard. She shivered violently and pulled the comforter closer around her. “I…” She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and pressing her hands against her face. “I don’t…know…” Her hands fell and she looked up at Gray. “Why can’t I remember?”

“Can I tell you what you were saying?”

Her lips trembled. “…yes.”

“You were saying there was another man in that place with you. Not a bad man. Do you remember more now?”

She shook her head, pressing her hands to her temples. “No. It’s like…I reach for that space but there’s nothing there. Or like there’s…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “A wall.”

“What do you remember?”

“I can’t…” She let her head rest back against the wall. “It’s like…I can feel him. I remember…I remember feeling hands. And…if I don’t try to think about it, if I just kinda…rest on it…I can’t remember…a smell…maybe? Like…sweat and…deodorant…he didn’t smell like…the other one…”

“Can you remember why he was there? What he did?”

Her mouth opened, shut, opened again. “I…no…”

“Did he hurt you?”

“I…” She shook herself. “I remember…pain…but not…” She bit down on her lip. “Not like…when I try to picture him I don’t get the… _sense_ …of…pain. Well, maybe I do, but not…fear. No, that’s not right…” She groaned in frustration. “He feels…safe?”

Gray spoke their next words very, very carefully. “Are you absolutely sure this person existed? And wasn’t…um…”

Her eyes snapped to theirs. “Imagined?”

Their throat worked as they swallowed. “Um. Yes.”

Her eyes fell closed again. “…no. I can’t picture him, picture his face, but I…I _know_ …I remember how his hands felt. I remember…I can’t hear his voice but I can get, like…the _feel_ of it…” She threw her hands down in frustration. “What can’t I _fucking_ remember? Why is this just coming up _now?”_

“Hey, it’s ok.” They pitched their voice lower, soothing. “If this is something you buried, it might be coming to the surface because of seeing him again. He might have activated all kinds of things.”

“But I _killed_ him…” she murmured. “Why isn’t he just…gone…”

“You know as well as I do, better maybe, that that’s not how that works.”

Her face fell. “I know. I just don’t…understand…” Her brow furrowed with effort.

“Don’t push yourself,” they said gently. “If this is a memory that’s buried, or repressed or something, it might not come out all at once. But I’m sure it’ll come.” They pressed their lips together. “Don’t try to force it.”

“Ok.” She wiped her face on her sleeve. “I’ll just let that shit show up when I’m in bed with Tori.” Her lips twisted bitterly. “Excellent.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Where is she?”

“She had to leave.” Gray wet their lips. “She couldn’t…she didn’t want to see you like that.”

She ran her fingers through her hair and made a fist, pulling. “Why am I so fucked up?” she whispered.

“You’re not fucked up.” Gray held her gaze as she threw a dubious glance at them. “You’re traumatized. You’re not fucked up, ok?”

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. “I want to talk to Tori. Make sure she’s ok.”

“I had everybody wait in the living room. Wanted to give you some privacy.”

Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Of course they all know.” Her head dipped a little. “Thank you, Gray. I appreciate it.”

“Of course.” They looked her up and down as she disentangled herself from the bed and stood.

She walked to their side and folded into their arms. “Thank you.”


	12. Pinned to the wall

Isaac paced around the small living room at the back of the safehouse, his hand rubbing absentmindedly at the back of his neck. _Vera’s in that place again. Seeing_ him _put her there. If I had just -_

He was pulled out of that thought by Sam’s hand on his arm as he passed the couch. Their eyes were wide with concern, glassy and red-rimmed. He smiled tightly and squeezed their hand.

“You ok?” they whispered.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Just worried about her.” He looked over at Tori, weeping quietly on the couch next to Sam, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Sam had one arm around her shoulders.

Isaac ran a tense hand through his hair and turned to the door. “I need some air.”

Sam got halfway off the couch, their hand still reaching back for Tori. “I could come with you…”

“No,” Isaac murmured, holding a hand back at them. He smiled, trying to disperse the tension in his face. “It’s ok. I’ll be back in just a minute. I just need a second alone.”

“Ok.” Sam fell back to the couch, their face a mask of worry. Their arm went right back around Tori’s shoulders.

Isaac’s hand went through his hair again and he pulled as he left the room. He moved in a daze down the hall to the front of the house. _We’re all so fucked up. We’re all so broken. How am I supposed to protect them? How can I help them when the damage has already been done?_ He blew out a slow breath as his hand settled on the handle to the front door. _How do I keep them safe now?_

He pulled the door open and froze. His body locked hard in a wild, disbelieving panic. His breath stopped in his chest.

There, standing on the front stoop with his fist raised to knock, was Gavin.

For a moment, Isaac couldn’t move. All the pains in his body seemed to rise up and overtake him at once, the pains of broken bones and broken skin and the knife and the whip and Gavin’s fists all swelled up inside him and nearly brought him to his knees.

Gavin grinned.

Something in Isaac’s mind snapped and he lunged at Gavin, dragging him inside by his shirt and pinning him to the wall. He snarled wordlessly in his face.

Gavin grunted as his back met the wall. “Jesus, Isaac, at least buy me dinner firs-”

Isaac slapped his hand over Gavin’s mouth and yanked him away from the wall. He pushed the door closed and wrapped his other arm around his neck. He began to drag him towards the doorway that led downstairs.

Gavin pulled against Isaac’s grip, feet kicking uselessly against the floor as Isaac flipped on the light, his other hand still locked around Gavin’s mouth. As they reached the bottom stair Isaac let go and kicked Gavin to the floor. He fell hard onto his hands.

He groaned, pushing himself painfully upright. He wrapped one arm around his chest, gasping around the spot that was throbbing in pain. “Well that’s no way to treat -”

Isaac threw himself on top of him and gagged him with his hand again. _“Shut up,”_ he growled. “Just _shut up.”_ Over Isaac’s hand, Gavin’s eyes flashed with a sort of dark amusement. Isaac’s hand went to Gavin’s throat. It was almost as if he was watching his body do it, watching the hand wrap around Gavin’s throat and press down all on its own. In a small corner of his mind there was a voice screaming _just kill him. Just kill him and end it for good. Stop fucking around and just kill him._ He felt a dark, bitter rage in him that threatened to take him over. _I want to make him suffer first._ His lips pulled back over his teeth in a snarl.

“I made a mistake,” he growled at him, his face inches away from Gavin’s. “And so did Vera. We didn’t kill you when we should have.” His hand pressed harder and a flicker of real fear passed over Gavin’s face. “I won’t make that mistake again.”

Gavin kicked weakly against the ground, pulling against Isaac’s hands, gasping around the pain.

“Don’t like being held down like this, do you?” Isaac’s voice was poisonous with rage. “When you had me I _let you_ do those things. I begged you to do those things because I had to protect Sam. But now…” He jerked Gavin’s face to the side. “I’m stronger than you, Gavin. I was stronger then, too. How do you like being hurt by someone who has the upper hand?”

Gavin writhed under Isaac’s grip, muffled screams rising and dying in his throat. Isaac’s hand left Gavin’s neck and went to search Gavin’s pockets. His hands closed around a knife. A smile twisted his face as he flicked it open. Gavin’s eyes went wide and he began to sob under Isaac’s hand, tears running down the sides of his face. It sounded like he was begging. Something good and dark and terrible rushed through Isaac’s veins.

“Do you want me to cut you open?” he hissed, leaning over him and pressing the knife up under his chin. “You would _deserve it_ after what you did you me…and Tori…after what you did to _Vera_ …” His jaw clenched around her name. “You deserve for me to end your shitty little life in this _fucking_ basement.”

Gavin wailed under Isaac’s hand, frozen with fear with the knife at his throat. He was shaking his head against Isaac’s grip.

_“This is how it felt,”_ Isaac growled. “This is how it felt to be held down, hurt, almost killed by someone who had no fucking mercy at all.” His blood was thundering through his ears. He felt like his body was being burned around him. “You’re not the first person I’ve killed, but you _will_ be the only person I enjoy killing.” He pressed the knife harder against Gavin’s throat.

_“Isaac!”_

The cry came from the stairwell. He paused, his hands still ready to kill. A shudder broke through his body and he looked up to see Sam, clinging to the railing like they would fall, eyes wide and fixed on Gavin. The rest of the team had filed in behind them, each staring at Isaac in shock. Vera’s face was swollen and red and she was staring at Gavin with eyes that were blank with horror. Edrissa was frozen at the top of the stairs, eyes darting around the room.

Gavin’s eyes were flicking between Isaac and the rest with a desperate light in them. He trembled as Isaac pulled back the knife until it was no longer touching his throat.

“Isaac…what…”

“He was on the porch when I left to get some air. He tried to…I couldn’t let him talk…” Tears burned in Isaac’s eyes. “I didn’t want him to hurt any of you…” He slumped off of Gavin, the knife held loosely in his hand.

Gavin’s hand went up to rub his throat. “Jesus fucking Christ, Isaac,” he muttered.

_“Shut up!”_ he roared, again turning his fury on him. Gavin quailed back as Isaac rose up on his knees, leaning over him. _“Shut up,_ you don’t get to speak!” His voice was tremulous with tears. “You don’t get to _fucking_ speak, you don’t get to hurt us like that anymore…” His breath caught in his chest and his hands were shaking. “You don’t get to hurt us anymore…” He crumpled into sobs.

Gray moved quickly past the others down the stairs, one hand pressed to their own wound. They placed their hand on Isaac’s back. They took the knife from his hands and tucked it into their pocket, away from Gavin’s reach. “Vera,” they said gently, their voice betraying a hint of tension, “get something to bind him with. Everyone else get upstairs and start packing. If he’s here there has to be someone else right behind.”

No one moved for a moment. They all stood staring at Gavin. He trembled under their eyes.

“I’m here to help,” he whispered.

Isaac’s hand lashed out and he struck Gavin across the face. Gavin fell to his side with a startled cry. “I said _shut up!”_ he screamed.

“There’s no one else coming,” Gavin panted, his lip oozing blood into the filthy, ancient carpet.

_“SHUT UP!”_ Isaac lurched forward and his hand clamped over Gavin’s mouth again.

“Isaac…” Gray’s hand was firm on his shoulder. “We need to hear this.”

“No,” sobbed Isaac. “I don’t want to hear another word…I don’t want to hear his lies…”

Vera was behind him, too. Gray turned in disbelief. “Everyone get upstairs! Now!”

“If he’s telling the truth and there’s no one else coming we need to know why,” Finn mumbled. They were pale as a sheet.

Gavin cringed away from them as they gathered close around him. He whimpered against Isaac’s hand.

“Then at least get something to bind him with,” Gray said, frustrated.

“I’ll go.” Tori’s voice shook. She ran up the stairs.

“Isaac…” Gray nodded at Gavin. “He needs to tell us why he’s here.”

“He’s just going to lie,” Isaac sobbed. “That’s what he does…he just lies…” Gray looked at him gently and he whimpered softly. His hands fell away from Gavin’s face. He wiped Gavin’s blood on his pants.

Gray stepped in, putting a hand on Isaac’s shoulder and pinning Gavin down with their gaze. “We’re going to leave very soon, and when we go we’re taking you with us. Tell us what you know,” they said quietly, only the slightest hint of a threat trembling below the surface. “If you try lying to us, we will ask you a different way.”

Isaac gasped softly and turned his eyes up to Gray’s face. He’d never seen them look so dangerous, so completely full of disgust and hate, the violence simmering below the surface. He’d never seen them look so _terrifying._

Tori appeared over his shoulder and passed a length of rope into his hands. “It’s a-all I could find in the car,” she stuttered, and skittered back away from Gavin like he was going to lunge at her.

Isaac’s hands shook as he uncoiled the rope. He seethed at Gavin and grit his teeth. “If you move, if you give me any reason to kill you, I _will.”_

Gavin swallowed. “I’m here to help,” he whispered. “I swear to god. I won’t move.”

Isaac’s legs barely held him as he got to his feet and moved behind Gavin, giving him a wide berth. “Put your hands on your head and get on your knees,” he muttered.

Gavin’s hands were trembling as he laced his fingers behind his head, clumsily maneuvering his legs beneath him until he was kneeling. Isaac slowly approached him, his stomach roiling with hate. “Now put your hands behind your back.”

Gavin grudgingly did it. “I feel like this is maybe a _little_ bit of an overreaction…”

Isaac’s hand darted out and twisted in Gavin’s hair, yanking his head back until he had to look up at him. “You’re lucky you’re still _breathing,”_ he growled. He shoved Gavin’s head away and knelt, tying the rope tightly around Gavin’s wrists. He reached for Gavin’s ankles.

“Oh come on, you’re gonna hog-tie me? Really?”

“It’s far from the worst way to be tied up,” Vera hissed. She was trembling with tension, her hands locked tightly into fists as she stared Gavin down. He shrunk under her gaze and looked down at the floor.

Isaac walked around to stand in front of Gavin again. He felt almost paralyzed with fear and rage and hate. He pressed his lips together so they would stop trembling. Gavin raised his eyes slowly to his face.

“You have five seconds to answer each question,” Isaac growled. “After five seconds I’m going to start doing to you every _fucking_ thing you did to me. Do you understand?” Gavin nodded jerkily. _“Good._ How did you find us?”

Gavin was almost tripping over himself to get the words out. “Tracker on your car.”

Isaac blanched. His ears buzzed as he heard the others all gasp. “…what?”

“Our people in Beringer put a tracker on your car.”

Isaac’s hands shook. “Then why aren’t they here now? Why haven’t they taken us?”

“We wanted to track you to the northern outpost.” The words rushed from his lips.

_“What?”_ Tori’s mouth hung open in horror.

He stared at her almost…apologetically. “They…um…” His eyes flicked to Isaac and he swallowed. “They wanted to know where people are going when they head north. And some of us…wanted to…destroy it. Make it so you couldn’t be safe.”

_“Why?”_

“Um…” He wet his lips. “My…mother…wants revenge…” He raised his eyes to Vera. “…on _you.”_

Vera’s lips pulled back over her teeth. “Then she can come and _fucking_ get me.”

Gavin shuddered. “She wanted you to come to _her,”_ he said, looking at the ground. “By offering…um…me.”

Isaac’s lip curled. “You’re lying.” He took a heavy step towards Gavin.

He jerked against the rope binding him, nearly falling as he flinched away. _“No!_ I swear to god I’m not… I swear…” His breaths were coming faster. “That’s why I left. Because…she said…she was going to offer me as bait…and because…” His face darkened and tears started in his eyes again. “My father already did.”

“Your _father_ answered your call so he could torture me again,” Vera snarled. Her eyes were wild with a dark rage.

“I know,” he whimpered, cringing towards the floor. “But he…he knew he could bring you in…if you had the chance to kill me. So he…he let you come. He didn’t bring backup because he thought it was a perfect trap. And he… _I_ …misjudged…” The last words were almost a whisper. “And he…died…because he let me dangle out there like bait…and he died because of _me…”_ He squeezed his eyes shut against the tears.

“Oh, no,” Vera said smoothly, the edges of her voice rounded by a cold, simmering rage. “Your father didn’t die because of you. He died because of _me.”_

He glanced up at her and wilted under her gaze. Her eyes were dark and wild, her lips pulled back over her teeth, her muscles pulled tight as piano wires under her skin. She looked prepared to tear him apart. She looked _feral._ He cursed silently and curled in on himself, the rope pulling tight against his wrists.

“Then why would you come to us?” Isaac demanded. “If you knew we’d come to kill you if you were offered, why come to us at all?”

“Because I…” He swallowed. “Because my mother has… _plans_ …for you…once she takes you. If she takes you. And I…can’t…”

“What, there’s something so bad even _you_ won’t partake?” Isaac’s voice was dripping with contempt.

“You don’t understand,” Gavin whispered.

“No!” Isaac roared, and everyone jumped. “I don’t!” His body moved mechanically forward, as if he was no longer at the wheel again. He watched as his hand closed around Gavin’s throat. “I don’t understand…how you could… _hate_ someone so much you’d hurt them like that…” He could feel Gray’s hand on his shoulder, pulling gently away. He threw them off and knocked Gavin onto his side. He licked his lips at the frightened cry he made. He aimed a vicious kick at Gavin’s stomach. “I don’t _understand_ …” He fell to his knees and blindly threw a punch at his prone form. His eyes were swimming with tears. “I don’t _understand_ how you could enjoy _breaking someone_ so much…” He felt hands on him now, pulling him back with intention. He threw them off again. “I don’t understand how you could hurt me and hurt me and _hurt me_ even as I begged you not to, I don’t understand how you could _like_ the sound of my begging…how you would _laugh_ as you hurt me…” Another punch to Gavin’s ribs. He felt hands pulling him backwards and he slumped back, sobbing.

Gavin was trembling with agony. “I…I never _hated_ you…” Gavin’s lower lip trembled. “I’m _sorry…”_

Isaac’s eyes flew open and they were bright with a fiery rage. “You’re _sorry?”_ Gavin’s mouth snapped shut. Isaac got to his feet and advanced on him. He pulled his fist back, ready to break Gavin’s face open again, ready to stain his knuckles with his blood. He stopped as a small form threw itself in front of him.

_Sam._

Isaac stopped dead in his tracks, his fist still pulled back and hovering in the air. He met Sam’s eyes, gutted by the look of fear and pain there. His fist fell to his side. He glanced at the look of terror that was plastered against Gavin’s face and snapped his eyes back to Sam.

Sam was staring up at Isaac with a desperate plea in their eyes. “Please,” Sam whispered. “Please don’t do this.”


	13. Will not be a victim

Isaac paused in absolute shock, his mouth hanging open at Sam. They reached out with both hands and rested them against his shoulders, placing a gentle pressure, pushing Isaac oh-so-slightly back.

“Please don’t do this,” they repeated.

He blinked. “How can you… _defend him_ …after what he did to you…” His vision blurred with furious tears.

“I’m not defending him,” they whispered. “I’m defending _you.”_

He shook his head slowly. “I…don’t…”

“I don’t care if he deserves it or not.” Their voice was gaining in strength. “I don’t care if he deserves to be tortured. Maybe he does. I don’t care. But don’t…” They bit their lip, staring beseechingly up at him. “Don’t be the one to do it. Don’t be like _him.”_

“Sam…”

_“Please.”_ Tears started in their eyes. _“Please._ I know you’re not like him.”

The fight rushed out of Isaac and he slumped to his knees. Suddenly Sam was catching him, wrapping their arms around him, falling to their knees with him. They buried their face in his neck, stifling a sob as it worked its way out.

_“Don’t sacrifice your soul, Isaac,”_ they whispered. “Please. You can’t be like him.”

“I liked it,” Isaac sobbed.

“But you stopped.” They squeezed him tighter. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

After a moment, Sam wiped their face on their sleeve and drew in a slow, deep breath. They turned to face Gavin. He had scrambled up on his knees again, staring at Isaac with terrified eyes. They stopped in front of him. He couldn’t seem to look at them, his eyes fixed on their shirt as they stood before him. Their hand went out and touched his chin, guiding his face up until he was forced to look at them. Their lips trembled and it took them a moment to speak.

“I am not your victim anymore.”

They let his face drop and took a faltering step back. Isaac caught them as they dissolved into sobs, great heaving breaths seizing in their chest one right after the other. They threw their arms around him, muffling their cries against his shirt. He guided them away from Gavin to stand behind the others, holding each other as they both wept.

“Tell us about this tracker,” Gray said smoothly.

Gavin tore his eyes from Isaac and Sam in the corner to look up at Gray, the seething hatred in their eyes making him shudder. “Um…”

“Now.” They took a small step forward.

“No no no wait… Ok, ok, Jesus…” Gavin swallowed hard. “We apparently have, like, spies or something in Beringer that found your car while you were…um…” His eyes flicked over the spot on Gray’s chest where there was still a healing gunshot wound. He bit his lip. “Um…” His voice grew quiet. “Recovering.” Gray raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to continue. “And…um…a few families decided that it would be better to track you north and round up the whole…uh… _operation_ …” His voice was heavy with implication.

“And that’s how you knew where to find us.”

“Um. Yeah.” He stared at the floor. His knees were starting to ache.

“And tell me, once again, why you’re here?” Gray’s voice was dripping with contempt.

Gavin trembled. “Um…” He shrunk lower against the ground. “Could I…maybe…get out of this?”

_“No,”_ everyone replied in unison.

His head drooped. “Ok. I…um…” Tears began to burn in his eyes and he squeezed them shut. “My mom…wanted to do her own thing…she wanted you all to come to her so her plan was to…use me as bait…”

“And you had a problem with this…why?”

“Because…you’d probably fucking kill me…”

Gray snorted. “And you thought somehow that _seeking us out_ would be a better alternative? Alone? Without backup?”

“Well, yeah, I…” His eyes flicked up. “If I could… _explain_ myself first…” He turned his eyes back to the ground.”

Gray waved their hand as if presenting the opportunity on a platter. “Well. Now’s the time.”

“Um…” He looked shyly up at Vera. “When you…um…killed -”

“When I slaughtered your father like the animal that he is?” Her nostrils flared.

Gavin winced. “Um…when you killed him…and shot me…” He took a breath against the pain that flared as he mentioned it. “It…messed me up. Like… _really_ messed me up. The smell of blood now, it…and the feeling I used to get…from…” He licked his lips and looked down.

“Speak, Gavin.” Gray’s voice was growing thin with impatience.

“Sorry, I…” He shuddered. “I can’t…I can’t…hurt…people. Anymore.”

A bitter laugh echoed through the basement as Isaac took a step forward, leaving Sam looking after him with wide eyes. “That’s fucking great. Fucking spectacular. You’ve been torturing and killing people your whole goddamn life. You nearly killed Sam, you _shot_ Gray and nearly killed them too, you tortured Tori, you broke Finn’s hands, you fucked with Ellis’s head…” His voice was rising to a shout. “You brought back the man who tortured Vera for _months_ …” He pushed past Gray as they took a step in front of him. “You _broke me…”_ He shoved down a sob and threw off Gray’s hands as they closed around his arm. “And now, out of _fucking nowhere_ you decide that’s not your thing anymore?” He grabbed the front of Gavin’s shirt and jerked him upright. His knees left the ground and he gave a cry of distress. “Just like that, you’re…fucking _cured?”_ He dropped Gavin roughly to the ground as Gray pushed him back, grunting with the pain as they did. Isaac stood behind Gray, chest heaving, his eyes fixed on Gavin with withering hatred.

Gavin’s lips trembled, tears springing to his eyes. “I never…” His voice wavered. “I never _broke you.”_

Isaac threw himself at Gavin, bowling him over onto the ancient carpet. _“Yes you DID!”_ he screamed. He grabbed Gavin roughly and shoved him onto his back. Gavin wailed in terror. _“You broke me!_ You beat me and cut me open and made me beg, you made think I was going to die alone…” Sobs were breaking up his words. “You took S-Sam away from me…you made me hurt for, for _weeks_ after we got away…”

“Isaac, no!” Sam was watching in horror. Vera was standing closest to them and they latched on to her. “Please…”

Vera bit her lip as they looked down at Sam. She crossed the room and she and Gray dragged Isaac off of Gavin. Gray cried out as their wound complained. “I still have nightmares _every night_ because of you, I hurt Sam because of one of my nightmares…” His face was contorted with rage, tears streaming. “I still hurt and I still scream at night and I still feel _broken_ because you…you just wanted to _hurt me!”_

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered.

_“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOU’RE SORRY!”_ Isaac bellowed. “I don’t want to hear you’re sorry, I don’t want to hear it.”

“What do you want me to say?” Gavin cried from where he was slumped on his side on the floor.

Isaac was fighting Vera and Gray’s hold on him, eyes fixed on Gavin. “I want you to…” He sobbed brokenly. “I want you to…” He collapsed to the floor. Sam darted to his side and threw their arms around him. He wailed into their shoulder, arms locking around their waist like they were an anchor in a storm. Sam’s tears fell into his hair as they pressed their lips against his forehead. He trembled in their arms.

Gavin was watching them with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, almost too faintly to hear.

“How could you expect me to forgive you?” Isaac whimpered, his face still buried in Sam’s shoulder. “How could you come here and think we wouldn’t kill you?”

Gavin shuddered against the carpet. “You…you’re going to kill me?”

“Yes,” Isaac sobbed.

“No,” Gray said firmly.

Isaac quailed. “You can’t fix this,” he whispered. “I don’t care if you came to help. You can’t ever fix this.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “You tortured me for days…you tortured all of us…because it was _fun_ …” He spat out the word. “You can’t fix… _me_ …”

“I…I _did_ come to help…” Gavin’s voice was small and timid.

“What, you all of a sudden decide you’re on our side now?” Isaac snapped bitterly.

“My parents fucking betrayed me!” Gavin cried. He bit his lip against the tears that had started again. He looked warily around the room as everyone’s eyes fixed on him. He swallowed hard and kept going. “My dad strung me up as _bait_ to get…” He could barely look at Vera. “To get you…” He whimpered like a child. “He was willing to risk my life to bring you back…and my mom…my mom _blames_ me for that…” He pressed the side of his face against the filthy carpet. “Maybe that’s why she was willing to risk me to catch you…maybe…if I died, then at least she wouldn’t have to…have to _look_ at me every day and think I killed my dad…” He was weeping loudly now. “And she fucking cut me off because I couldn’t…I couldn’t torture someone…she gave me someone and I couldn’t… _do it_ …she cut me off because I didn’t want to see you again…”

“You what?” Gray was staring at Gavin with distrust written all over their face.

“I…I didn’t want to do it…she said she’d use me as bait so she could catch you all and so…so I could torture you all again…and I didn’t want to…”

“And just like that we’re supposed to believe you?” Vera snapped. “We just have to take you word on it that you couldn’t torture some poor idiot and now we’re all good?”

“You don’t get it,” he whimpered against the floor.

“No,” she seethed. “I don’t get it. “I’ve never felt sad because I couldn’t torture people anymore. You’re right.”

“It scares me now,” he whispered. “When I think about it, about cutting someone, about making them hurt…” He shuddered. “It just makes me feel scared. It makes me think of…of…” He closed his eyes and swallowed a sob.

She took a step closer. “Makes you think of me ripping out your father’s throat?” Her lips pulled back over her teeth.

“Yes.” The word was barely a breath.

_“Good.”_ Gavin’s eyes flew open and he focused on her as she took another step towards him. “I want you to remember that forever. I want you to remember that _that_ is what happens to people who fuck with me. Who fuck with _us.”_ She reached behind her to reach for Tori’s hand for a moment. “And I want you to remember that _that_ is what’s going to happen to you if you betray us.” She stood over him, hands clenched as her body trembled, ready to fight. She quickly crouched before him and he flinched back, bleating in terror. Her hands shot out and made fists in his shirt, dragging him forward until their noses were almost touching. “Do you understand, bitch boy? Do you understand what’s going to happen to you if you ever even _think_ about hurting me or my family again?”

He nodded, his entire body bouncing against her grip with the force of the movement. “Yes,” he said breathlessly. “I swear to god. I swear I will never, never even think about it again. Please…” His voice broke as tears rose in his eyes again. “Please…”

She dropped him unceremoniously to the floor. “Good.” She stood and looked to the others, ignoring his mewl of pain as his chest wound complained against the rough treatment. “I’d say it’s time to move.”

Finn and Ellis both heaved out a breath, clutching each other like they would both keel over. “Yeah,” Finn breathed. “Let’s move.”

“You’re taking me with you…?” Gavin looked frantically between them both. “I’m not…I’m not gonna fucking last out there.”

“Oh, perfect.” Isaac pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Now he wants our _protection.”_ His lip curled in a sneer.

“Please,” Gavin begged. He pulled against the rope around his wrists. “Please.”

Gray turned and fixed Gavin with a withering glare. “You’re coming with us, alright,” they said, their voice low and dangerous. “You’re going to tell us all the tricks, all the checkpoints we don’t know about. You’re going to tell us all the places with your spies. You’re going to tell us _everything_ we need to know to reach the north safely.”

“I don’t really know that much about our operat-” He cut himself off in a startled yelp as they took a furious step towards him. “No no no wait wait! I really don’t know! I swear! I’m not really in charge of much…you…” His voice grew petulant. “You fucking _blew up_ everything I did…I haven’t exactly had time to build up operations again…”

“You figured your first priority after I wrecked your face was to go after us again?” Isaac snarled.

“Not…not all of you.” Gavin shrunk away from him on the carpet. “Just…just you. And V-Vera.”

“How’d that work out for you?” she snapped.

“Um…” Gavin looked away, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment as he pulled again at the rope, lying awkwardly on his side.

They all turned away from him. Finn and Ellis crept down the stairs until they were in the circle, too. Edrissa remained frozen at the top of the steps, staring at Gavin with terror in her eyes.

“What, are we just gonna…” Finn ducked their head. “Take him with us?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna take this fucking _nightmare factory_ with us north? What if he’s hurt people up there? What if they think we’re with the syndicates when we get there?”

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that,” Tori mumbled. “I know a few people up there that will be able to vouch for me.”

“They won’t vouch for _him.”_ Gray shot a glance at Gavin. He flinched away.

“So they don’t have to.” Vera’s voice was poisonous. “I’m sure they wouldn’t mind getting their hands on a syndicate member up there.”

“What?” Gavin squeaked.

Isaac threw a hateful glance his way. “Shut up.”

“But, but you can’t just…” Gavin was writhing against his bonds, gasping in panic. “You can’t just… _give_ me to them…”

“Why not? Is that less than you deserve?” Isaac snapped.

“No,” Gavin breathed. “Please, please don’t…” Helpless tears started down his cheeks.

“Shh. Let the grownups talk.” Gray turned away from Gavin and ignored his muttered pleas. “Either way, you think we’ll be safe if we bring him?”

“Yeah.” Tori was shaking, clinging to Vera’s side. “We’ll be ok.” Vera wrapped her arm around her shoulder protectively and squeezed her tight.

“What about the tracker?” Ellis’s eyes were shifting between everyone in the circle.

“We’ll find it and take it off.”

“What if there are more than one? What if we miss one?”

“Hey, bitch boy,” Vera threw over her shoulder. “Did you hear any _details_ about these trackers?”

“No,” he whimpered. “I didn’t hear anything. Just that one existed.”

“Ok.” Vera pressed her lips together. “We’ll just do a thorough sweep.” She met Ellis’s eyes. “We’ll be ok. Trackers with that kind of range aren’t exactly tiny.”

“Then what?” Sam was latched onto Isaac, their hands clenched around his shirt.

“Then…we figure out how to kill Mommy Dearest,” Vera growled.

_“No,”_ whimpered Gavin. “You can’t, please…she’s all…she’s all I have left…”

“What happened to _Mark?”_ Ellis spat the name with contempt. “You two seemed _real_ chummy when we last saw him.”

“He’s not… _close_ family…”

“And yet you took all six of us as revenge for ‘taking your family away’,” Ellis threw back at him, punctuating the words with airquotes.

“I was just…” The words died in his throat.

“Oh, do tell. _Please_ tell us what you were ‘just’ doing,” Ellis snarled.

“I was…just…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Being dramatic.”

“Now that’s the understatement of the _fucking_ century.” Vera clenched her jaw in disgust.

“Enough,” Gray said gently. “Do we all agree, then? We take him north, figure out our next step from there?”

“I wasn’t aware this would come to a vote.” Isaac quivered against Sam.

Gray fixed their gaze on him. “Of course. If we’re going to take this risk, both to our safety and to our…mental health…” They swallowed. “Then yes, it should come to a vote.”

“I say we take him,” Vera said, “and let him suffer the consequences once we get north.”

Gavin shivered on the floor.

“I say we leave him here,” Ellis said bitterly. “Let him figure out how to survive. Trust fund jackass…”

“We should take him,” Finn mumbled. “He might be able to give us information we need.”

Gray turned to Isaac and Sam, held tight in each other’s arms. “What do you think?”

Sam huddled closer against Isaac. “We should take him,” they said softly. “He could help us.”

Gray looked to Isaac. “Isaac?”

Isaac’s jaw was flexed, his eyes staring straight ahead at nothing. “I don’t want him anywhere near me,” he whispered.

Gray inhaled slowly and blew out a steadying breath. “I think we should take him. He could prove useful. And I don’t want him free to…get into trouble.” Their face darkened. “As long as we know where he is, he can’t surprise us.” They put a gentle hand on Tori’s shoulder. “Your opinion counts, too. You’re part of the family.”

Tori squeezed Vera’s hand. “Um…” Her hand went unconsciously to her neck, to the bruises there. “I…I can’t.”

“You can’t have him around?”

“I can’t _decide,”_ she whimpered.

Gray’s hand softened on her shoulder. “Why not?”

“I don’t want him near me.” Her voice rose in a nervous whine. “I don’t want him…” She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in Vera’s neck. Vera stroked her hair gently, her gaze locked on Gavin. “But I think it’s for the good of the…of the family. Of the resistance. To get him north.”

“You wouldn’t have to be around him,” Vera murmured. “We’d keep him away from you.” Tori nodded, tears wetting Vera’s shirt.

Gray exhaled slowly. They looked up at Edrissa, still perched on the top of the stairs like she was about to run. _She hasn’t. She’s still here._ They licked their lips. “What do you think, honey? You’re with us now, you should get a vote.”

She shrunk back behind the railing, her hands clutching the bars. “We can’t let him go,” she whispered.

Gray paused. “Why not?”

“He’s…he’s seen me…” Her hand went to wrap tightly around her forearm, where the still-healing seared-off tattoo still burned. “Please… He can’t go back. He can’t tell them…” Her lips trembled. She shrank back, a hand drifting up to protect her head as the crumpled into herself.

Gray made their way to the bottom of the stairs and began climbing up to her, slowly. She watched them with terrified eyes. “I think I understand,” they soothed. “You don’t have to say anything else. It’s alright.” She nodded jerkily, tears almost spilling over.

Gray turned back to the group, their eyes moving over each of them in turn. “It sounds like we have our verdict,” they said softly.

_“No,”_ Isaac growled. He took a step towards Gray, Sam still hanging off his arm. “I…I _can’t.”_ His voice broke.

“We’ll keep him away from you,” Gray murmured. Their hands went to his shoulders. “You won’t have to -”

“It’s my job to protect _you,”_ he seethed, eyes burning with tears. “It’s…it’s _my job_ …” He swiped his hand over his eyes. “And I can’t…protect you…” His chest was heaving, the breaths coming faster. “…with _him_ around. I can’t…” He stumbled and Gray caught him. They winced as their injury flared. “I can’t keep you safe when my mind is…is _broken_ …because I keep seeing _him_ …” He pointed an accusing finger in Gavin’s direction.

Gray’s eyebrows pulled together as their hands became firmer on Isaac’s shoulders. “We’ll all take care of each other,” they said softly. “I think it’s for the best that we keep him close, keep an eye on him. Maybe use his knowledge. He won’t have to be around you. And he won’t…he won’t _hurt_ you again.”

Isaac erupted into sobs and sunk to his knees, pressing his face into his hands. “I _can’t,”_ he wailed. “I _can’t.”_

Gray knelt in front of him. “Yes you can,” they urged. “You can do this. You’re strong, Isaac. You’ve done harder things than this. And I…” They blinked against the tears that suddenly blurred their vision. “I hate to ask more of you, after everything you’ve done. After everything you’ve _given._ But please…” They stroked a hand through his hair and pulled him to their chest. “Please be strong for us one more time.”

Isaac whimpered as Sam’s arms went around him, too. “I’m sorry,” they whispered against his shoulder. “Isaac…”

Isaac convulsed in a weak sob, raising his face to Gray. Sam shuddered at how tired he looked. How… _resigned._ He pulled his shirt up and wiped his face.

“Ok,” he said, gritting his teeth. “Fine. We take him with us.”

“You won’t have to be around him.” Gray squeezed his shoulder.

“I won’t have to be around him,” Isaac repeated. He blew out a slow breath from between his lips.

Gray’s gaze lingered on him for another minute before they stood and walked over to where Gavin was still lying, trembling. They towered over him. “Sounds like we’ve made a plan.”

Gavin relaxed, his face pulling into a look of tentative hope. “Does that mean I get out of this?” He moved his arms against the rope.

“No.” Gavin’s face fell. “You stay bound, and you’re going in the trunk.”


	14. Flashbacks

Isaac clenched his jaw until his teeth ached as they sped along the dusty road. Sam, Gray, and Edrissa sat quietly in their seats. Finn, Ellis, Tori, and Vera sped along behind them in the other car. Sam was pressed against his side, head bobbing every now and then onto his shoulder. Gray was staring out the window, their eyes far away. Edrissa was huddled against the door on her side, legs pulled into her chest, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She was trembling.

Gavin was in the trunk.

_“Please,”_ Tori had begged. _“I don’t want him in our car, please…”_

_“You sure, babe? You sure you don’t want him close by so I can fucking_ gut him _if he gives us any trouble?”_ Gavin had trembled on the floor as Vera had bared her teeth at him in a vicious grin.

_“N-no,”_ Tori had stuttered, grabbing Vera’s hand. _“Please…”_ Her eyes had filled with frantic tears. _“Babe, please…no…”_

Vera had turned to her, face twisting in concern. _“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”_ She’d looked at Isaac. _“Is it ok if he rides with you?”_

Isaac’s lip had curled in contempt. _“As long as he stays out of my sight. I don’t care.”_

_“He’ll be in the trunk,”_ Gray had repeated. They’d turned a disdainful look on him. _“Don’t worry.”_

And so they’d carried him into the trunk and tossed him in. Before they’d closed the lid on him they’d shoved a gag between his teeth and tied it around his head for good measure.

Isaac put an arm around Sam and squeezed. Their head drifted up and they looked around, momentarily confused. Their gaze landed on Isaac and their lips pulled into a clumsy smile. Their head fell against his shoulder and they leaned into his side.

_They watched me beat Gavin._ Isaac bit his lip. _They watched me turn into a monster right in front of them and they still love me._ He swallowed hard against the guilt rising in his throat. _Would they love me no matter what? They’ve seen me weak, so weak, they’ve seen me fail them, and beg for them, and nearly die when they needed me alive…_ His eyes filled with tears, blurring the road. He shuddered against the sinking feeling in his stomach that had been growing in him ever since Sam had found him in the basement, holding Gavin’s own knife to his throat, relishing the hot, bitter joy that was coursing through his body at the feeling of Gavin’s pain. At the power it gave him. The control. _Would they love me if they knew how much I liked it? If they knew how much like Gavin I was in that moment?_ A tear coursed down his cheek. _Have I been like Gavin all along?_

He lifted his chin, trying to keep more tears from falling. _Maybe Sam just doesn’t know better. Maybe I’ve fooled them. They’re so young…how could I expect them to know? Just because I saved them, once, and far too late to have actually kept them safe…_ He flinched as a memory gripped his mind: Sam, trembling, beaten, half-dead, holding a gun in their shaking hand, pointing it right at his chest. Sam, delirious with pain, holding the gun to their own head when they couldn’t kill Isaac, not even to save themselves from the pain Gavin had made them believe was coming. Sam, shaking with sobs, curling in on themselves during nightmare after nightmare, so small in Isaac’s arms. _I’m no good for them._

“Isaac?”

Isaac’s hand slipped on the wheel and he jerked the car into the oncoming lane. He gasped and steadied the car, his hands shaking. He glanced at Sam, their eyes wide in the dark, looking up at him with concern written all over their face. They placed their hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

He couldn’t see again. There was Sam, kneeling in front of him with their hands cuffed behind them, sobbing. Gavin’s voice, so close he could have been standing next to him. _“I’m not going to hurt them, Isaac. Don’t worry. I’m not.”_ That smile, that fucking smile Gavin always had as he tortured him. _“You are.”_

“Isaac!”

He gasped, hands numb as he let the car roll to a stop by the side of the road.

_“It’s ok, Isaac. It’s ok. You can…you can do it. I can take it.”_

_“No,”_ he sobbed. He fumbled the car into park and threw himself against the door, hands scrabbling for the handle.

“Isaac, it’s ok…what’s wrong?” He felt Sam’s hands on him, heard the tears in their voice. The door suddenly opened against his weight and he stumbled out, his legs almost collapsing under him. He staggered to the shoulder of the road and fell to his knees.

_“Isaac,_ no! _Please, Isaac, hurt me, please, Isaac_ please!”

He shook his head as if he could clear the memory that way. _“Hear that? Sam wants you to hurt them. Do it, Isaac. Give them what they want.”_

_“I won’t do it!”_ he screamed at the side of the road, throat raw. His hands twisted in his own hair as he pulled.

A gun to the back of Sam’s head. Sam, _his Sam,_ on their knees on front of him, helpless, a bullet in the chamber as Gavin grinned down at both of them. _“Hurt Sam or I kill them.”_

He was lost. He was fractured. Were there hands on him? He didn’t know. He felt the echoes of his pain rising in his body, flaring to life again. The pain in his back, shredded by the whip. The burns on his arms. The cuts down his chest, trailing down his abdomen to the waistband of his pants. His throat ached against his screams like it was being crushed. And, _god,_ how every breath, every movement hurt from Gavin’s beatings.

Sam, _his Sam._ _“Hurt Sam or I kill them.”_

_It should have been me. It should have been me, my life. My life sacrificed so Sam could live. My life sacrificed so Sam would never have known the monster I am. My life ended so Sam would never have found out that I’m just like Gavin._

_“No…”_ He sank to the ground, his forehead pressed into the dust as he sobbed brokenly into his hands.

_“I won’t do it!_ Fucking _kill me, Gavin, I won’t do it!”_

_But I would beat Gavin nearly to death._

_I would hold his own knife to his throat just to watch the fear in his eyes._

_I should have died so Sam would be free, would be safe. So Sam wouldn’t love me even as I became just like him._

_Maybe I always was._

_“Please, please come, please make him stop this…”_ Pinned on his belly, Gavin dripping rubbing alcohol onto the lash marks on his back. _They watched me break and beg. What must that have done to them?_

_“No… Gavin, don’t…don’t hurt them, please…”_

_“I’m not going to hurt them, Isaac. Don’t worry. I’m not. You are.”_

_“No. No. I won’t. I…I can’t.”_

_A gun to his forehead. “Pretty sure you can.”_

_“No.”_

_“It’s ok, Isaac. It’s ok. You can…you can do it. I can take it.”_

_“I…I won’t…” Leaning harder against the barrel pressed to his forehead_

_“Then you die. Pretty simple.”_

_“Then I die.”_

_“Isaac, no! Please, Isaac, hurt me, please, Isaac please!”_

_“Hear that? Sam wants you to hurt them. Do it, Isaac. Give them what they want.”_

_“I won’t do it! Fucking kill me, Gavin, I won’t do it!”_

_The gun pulling away from his head. “That wouldn’t be any fun.” Then, the thing that broke him. The thing that would kill him: the gun being held now to Sam’s head. “Hurt Sam, or I kill them.”_

_Sam’s cry of terror. Their desperate sob as Gavin yanked them back against the gun._

_“Sam…”_

_“It’s ok, Isaac. Please…”_

_The burn of rope around his wrists. “Sam…I can’t…”_

_“You really want them to die, then? You really want that to happen?”_

_A pull, harder, against the rope._

_“You have five seconds to agree to do this, or you’ll be cleaning Sam’s brains off the floor. I have all six of you now. I won’t cry over one dead Sammy.” Sam, crying out as Gavin jerked them back, staring down at them as they cried._

_“No…” The tear of Isaac’s skin as he pulled against the rope._

_“Five…”_

_“No…”_

_“Four…”_

_“Please no!”_

_“Three…”_

_“No no no please…”_

_“Two…”_

_“Sam!”_

_“One…”_

_“NO!”_ Isaac screamed into the dark, thrashing against the hands he felt on him. He collapsed onto his side, sobbing until his chest hurt.

“What happened?!”

“I don’t know!”

“Is he hurt?”

“I think he’s…um…”

_Hurt Sam, or I kill them._ “No no no…Sam…” He shuddered against the ground.

“Did he say anything?”

“He…he said…” A whimper. “‘I won’t do it.’”

“What does that mean?”

“I…I think…” A hand in his hair, moving gently through. Shaking. “He said that when…um…Gavin told him to hurt me. Or he’d kill him.” A choked sob. “Then he threatened to kill _me.”_

“And you think he’s…maybe…seeing that again?”

“I think so.”

“Why is this happening?”

“It’s got to be _him._ Seeing him again.”

“Sam _please!”_

“I’m right here, Isaac. I’m right here.”

“No…you can’t…” His chest ached. “Please…”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“But I…how can you…” _How can you love me? How can you feel safe around me, after what you’ve seen me do?_ “Please, go…”

“Go? Isaac, I’m not going anywhere…” He felt small hands on him, pulling him up. He fell against them. “Come on. Let me…”

“What are we going to do? We need to help him…”

“We can camp here tonight. We can push the cars off the road, we can conceal them in the trees just fine.”

“And what about… _him?”_

“We’ll keep him nearby. Still bound. At this point I don’t think he’d try to run.”

“You believe all that bullshit?”

“Honestly, yes.”

_“Sam.”_ _I have to tell them, have to protect them._ “Sam, please…you can’t…”

“What is he saying?”

“I don’t know…Isaac, you’re alright! I’m safe. We’re both safe. Because of you.”

“I’m not…” _I’m not good. Not like you._ “I’m just like him…”

_“No.”_ He felt hands tightening on his shoulders. “Don’t do that. I don’t know what’s going on in your head but you can’t say that.”

“Sam, can you help him while we move these cars? We really shouldn’t stay on the road.”

“Of course. Vera, can you…”

“Absolutely.”

He felt hands on him, guiding him up. He limply let himself be moved. His legs quivered under him as he felt someone come under his arm, supporting him. He felt someone else on his other side. Smaller.

_Hurt Sam, or I kill them._

He sobbed. “No…”

“Come on, Isaac. Move your feet. There you go.”

He could see two things at once, flickering in and out in front of his eyes. One moment, Sam was on their knees, Gavin’s gun pressed against their head. Then, _flash,_ he was being guided off the road into the woods. Vera on his left. Sam on his right.

His lips trembled. “Sam,” he whimpered. Sam, he had to protect Sam. From Gavin, from the syndicates. From himself.

They looked up at him, the darkness obscuring their face. “What is it, Isaac?”

“I’m just like him,” he sobbed. Sam opened their mouth to protest but he pressed on. “I liked it, I liked beating him…threatening him…it felt good, to hold his knife…to make him scared…”

“You’re not like him.” Sam’s face was set with determination.

“But I liked it…” Isaac whined softly.

They both eased him to the ground, behind the line of trees that flanked the road. Vera bent over him, taking his shoulders in both her hands as she looked down at him. The moon was just bright enough to show the worry in her face. “Isaac…”

“I’m like him,” he whispered, sinking forward as his eyes slid shut.

_“Stop,”_ Vera snapped, putting a hand on his chin and jerking his face up. “Cut that shit out, Isaac, _right now.”_ He opened his eyes. “I killed Joseph Stormbeck by tearing out his throat in front of his son. And I…” She faltered, her eyelids fluttering against sudden tears. “I _liked it,_ you can bet your ass I fucking _liked it._ ” Her hands were shaking. “No one is blaming you, Isaac. No one but you. Where is this coming from?” Her voice was sinking.

“I…”

She shuddered. _“Joseph_ Stormbeck. I…” She swallowed. “I remembered.”

Sam looked from Isaac to her, tears rolling down their cheeks. “Vera?”

“I’m not allowed to remember,” she whispered. “But I…I did. Joseph. His name was Joseph.” She laughed, a broken, twisted sound. She leaned forward and pulled Isaac into her arms. He melted into her embrace. “Hey.” She pulled back and pushed Isaac’s head up away from her shoulder so she could look at him. She searched his face. “You haven’t forgiven yourself for any of it, have you?”

He crumpled against her again. “No,” he whimpered. “I can’t.”

“Oh, Isaac.” She wrapped her arms around him. Sam dove against them, forcing themselves between them until they were holding Isaac, too. Vera pressed a kiss against his forehead. “You’ve got a long way to go, my friend.”


	15. Chapter 15

Gavin was less than happy about the sleeping arrangements, and everyone was happy about that. Vera couldn’t help but smirk every time she glanced Gavin’s way. His hands were zip-tied in front of him now, a rope passing through the space between his wrists and around his chest, tying him against a tree. His ankles had been zip-tied together as well. He had an almost permanent look of dejection that made him look more petulant than menacing. It amused Vera to no end.

“What’s the matter, bitch boy?” she snickered. “You uncomfortable?”

“For your _fucking_ information, yes,” he snapped, the corners of his mouth turning down in a pout.

“My heart breaks for you. Truly. It does.” Vera chuckled and turned back to her can of hot soup, warmed over the fire they’d made. Tori huddled closer against her side and munched on the bit of jerky she held tight in her hand. She was turned completely away from Gavin, keeping her back to him as she ate.

Vera pursed her lips. _That’s how I know she’s not a fighter. She doesn’t need to keep her eye on him._ She dug her spoon into the can and fished around for chunks of meat among the vegetables. She scooped up a bite and offered it to Tori. She took it gratefully and nuzzled into Vera’s shoulder.

Isaac sat immediately opposite Gavin across the fire with his eyes fixed on their captive. Isaac hadn’t been able to take his eyes off him since Ellis had tied him to the tree, staring him down as they did it. _“Honestly, I hope you try to escape,”_ they’d hissed at him. _“Give us a reason to fuck you up.”_ Gavin had glared up at them, but had held still as they’d tied him up. Ellis had looked almost disappointed as they’d tightened the last knot.

Sam bumped Isaac’s shoulder with theirs, pulling him out of his reverie. “Hey,” they whispered. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Isaac’s jaw was tight. “I’m fine.”

“We’ll reach the north.” Sam’s eyes were boring into his as they said it. “We’ll reach the north and then… We’ll be okay. We’ll have time to rest. You can… You can get better…”

“I’m _fine,”_ Isaac grumbled. He looked up to see Sam’s eyebrow cocked at him in an expression of dubious amusement. “I mean…”

“Why can’t you just…” Sam licked their lips.

Isaac bristled. “Get over it?”

“Forgive yourself,” Sam finished.

Isaac’s shoulders slumped. “Sam, I –”

They put their own can of soup down. “I didn’t mean get over it. I didn’t say that. I would never say that. I mean…” They wrapped their arm around Isaac’s as it rested on his knee. “Those things you said. About liking hurting him.” They threw a glance at Gavin, who was staring at them both with an unreadable expression. “I think… I think it’s okay to like it. He hurt you, Isaac. Really…” They closed their eyes for a moment, steadying their voice. “…really badly. And he can’t fix that. But I think it’s okay to…” They bit their lip. “To enjoy hurting someone who hurt you, at least a little bit.”

Isaac looked at them, tears welling in his eyes at the look of trust in theirs. “Would you like it?”

Sam chewed their lip. “I… I don’t know.”

Isaac waved a hand in Gavin’s direction. “Go try it,” he said bitterly. “Go try it and tell me it feels good. That you like it.” He pressed his face into his hands. “Tell me you’re just like me. Just like _him.”_

Sam looked over at Gavin where he sat tied to the tree. He was straining forward like he was trying to hear what Isaac was saying. They looked back to Isaac. Tears were leaking down his hands and wrists. They put a hand on his shoulder. “Isaac…”

He shrugged them off and stood. Without a word he turned and stalked off into the forest.

Sam jumped up and followed him, nearly having to run to catch up to him. “Isaac,” they hissed. He didn’t stop. “Isaac, _wait_ …” They lunged forward and grabbed his arm, yanking him around to face them. Furious tears were running down his face.

“How can you not see this?” Isaac snapped at them, his eyes blazing with bitter rage. “How can you not see that I… Sam, you’re so goddamned naïve sometimes, you can’t even _see_ that I…” His hands went up to his hair and pulled. “…I’m no _fucking good_ for you…”

Sam stopped dead and their mouth dropped open. “…what?”

Isaac paced in front of them, his voice so tight with tears he could barely get the words out. “You’re so trusting, you’re so _good,_ you can’t even see what’s right in front of your face…” He sobbed. “How can you not see that I’m… I’m just like him? He hurt you, Sam, he tortured you for… for sixty-three _fucking_ hours, and I thought I could protect you, I thought I could be good enough for you but this _whole time_ I was… a monster just like him…”

“Isaac, _stop –”_

“I can pretend to be better but fact is when I had him pinned, when I…” He shuddered. “When I had his knife to his throat, I… I _felt_ it, I knew exactly what it was, I _liked_ it. I _liked_ his pain. There’s no difference between… between what I am, and what he is…” He squeezed his eyes shut. “And after everything you’ve been through, how could I… How could I _subject you_ to… to _me_ …” He whimpered and pressed his fists against his eyes. “I want to protect you, _god_ I want to protect you, but I can’t protect you from me! How can you want to be around me? How can you even… _look_ at me right now?” He fell to his knees and sobbed.

Sam was crying. “Isaac, please…”

“I don’t care what Gray says about… about Gavin being around bringing all this up. I don’t care what they say about it. It’s been six months and I… I should be over this… I should be better, I shouldn’t want to… want to _hurt_ him so much… but it’s all I want. I want to just… destroy him. I want to grind him out of existence so he can never hurt me again… So he can never hurt _you_ … But wanting that doesn’t make me good. Ever since he showed up I just feel so… so…” His voice cracked as he wailed. _“Weak!”_

Sam’s hands pulled into fists as they stared down at Isaac, their chest heaving with angry sobs. “I get it,” they whispered, their voice seething with quiet fury. Isaac’s head snapped up to meet their eyes. They trembled with the effort of keeping their voice even. “I get it. I can be weak but you can’t because… what? I’m already weak? Because I’m somehow less capable of being strong like… like _you?”_ Isaac trembled at the sound of tightly packed rage in their voice. Tears streamed down their face. “I can break, I can betray you, betray _myself,_ but that’s fine, no problem, because I’m already broken?”

Isaac reached out his hands to them. “Sam, no… I…”

_“Shut up, Isaac,”_ they hissed, shaking. “Just shut up and listen to me, for _once.”_ They sniffled. “You’re so committed to hating yourself, so committed to _punishing_ yourself for breaking, you’ll ignore everything we say, everything we tell you… You _know_ seeing Gavin again brought this all up. You _know_ it’s making you scared, and you’re taking it out on _me_ …” They gasped and tried to catch their breath. “Of _course_ you like hurting him, Isaac. He tortured me. He tortured you. He nearly _killed_ you, nearly killed Gray. He hurt every single person you care about. You think I don’t like the idea of him getting justice for what he’s done? You think I haven’t thought of revenge, even a little bit?” Isaac’s eyes went wide. “Of _course_ I have. I’m not naïve, I know you want to hurt him. I’d be confused if you _didn’t._ But it’s just… one more thing, isn’t it? One more excuse to hate yourself. And you’d… you’d push me away, just to punish yourself for it…” They swallowed hard and their voice dropped to a whisper. “Is that why you love me? So you can… you can hold me up as this… _angel,_ this perfect person, and hate yourself for being… _unworthy_ of me?” A sob rocked their chest. _“Is that all I am to you?”_

Isaac stared up at them from where he was kneeling in the dirt, the knees of his pants getting cold and wet. His throat worked as he held down his sobs. “Sam,” he whispered. “No. That’s not… I swear to god, it’s not… Please…”

_“Then tell me what it is!”_ they wailed at him.

Isaac collapsed.

Sam stood rigid in front of him, tears coursing down their face as they watched Isaac weep into the cold ground. He bent forward at the waist until he was prostrate in front of them and heaved with sobs, pressing his face into his hands. Sam kept their hands squeezed into fists as they fought the urge to go to him, wrap him up in their arms, hold him… _I won’t touch him. I won’t touch him if that’s all I am to him._

“I’m so sorry,” Isaac sobbed into the dirt. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”

Their voice wavered. “Sorry for _what?”_

He shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t love you so I can hate myself,” he whimpered. “I love you because you’re good, and I’m happy when I’m around you. I don’t want you to go. Please…” He pushed himself back up to his knees. “Please don’t go, Sam, I’m sorry, I don’t…” He pressed his shaking hands to his face. “I don’t know what’s… what’s _wrong_ with me…” He shuddered against the ground. “I just feel so scared,” he whispered. “All the time. Scared that you… you’ll leave me, that you’ll figure out I’m just darkness on the inside and run…” He looked back in the direction of the camp. “That you all will. That one day you’ll all figure out I’m weak, that I’m nothing, that you’d be better off without me…” He cringed down, away from Sam’s gaze. “I don’t know why, I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s just… _in me_ all the time, and when I see him, when I remember all the things he did to me, all the things you _watched him_ do…” He whimpered. “It just gets so much worse. And I don’t feel… safe… I just feel like that moment is so much closer. That moment when you all walk away.”

Sam watched him for a long time. Long enough that Isaac started to shiver in the cold. But he didn’t dare move, didn’t dare get up from his place kneeling at Sam’s feet.

_He knows he hurt me._ Sam wet their lips. “I… I’m not going to walk away.”

Isaac crumpled again. He pressed his hand against his mouth and tried to quiet his sobs.

Sam knelt in front of him and guided his face up with one hand. “Isaac…?”

He drew in a shaking breath. “Yeah…?”

Sam pressed their lips together. “Don’t ever, ever do that again. Don’t ever say you don’t want me to be in your life unless you really mean it.”

Isaac slumped forward. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t want you to go. I just felt…”

“I know.” Sam brushed the tears away from his face. “But it hurt.”

“I’m sorry.” Isaac met Sam’s eyes. “Can I do anything to make it better?”

Sam leaned back, tears still moving slowly down their face. “Just… give me some space, okay? Just for a little while.”

“Okay.” Isaac nodded. “I promise. I will. Tell me when you’re, um… ready to talk to me again.”

“I will.” Sam tilted their head. “What can I do to make you believe I won’t leave you?”

Isaac bit his lip, a fresh cascade of tears rolling down his cheeks. “Um… just… don’t leave, I guess.”

Sam’s eyes bored into him. “…has someone left you before?”

Isaac’s breath came punching out of him in a strangled moan. “Ah. Um…” _Gavin knows all this. Maybe you should, too._ “Um. My uh… my d-dad. And mom, kinda. And… my… the family I had bef-fore you…” His lips were trembling.

Sam finally pulled him into their embrace. “Oh.” His arms came around them and squeezed until it hurt.

“Uh…” A bitter, twisted laugh left his throat. “Yeah.”

Sam’s hand squeezed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

He sniffled. “Yeah. Me too.”

“…I still need a little time.”

Isaac pulled away and wiped his face. “Of course. Yeah. Take all the time you need.” They stayed there together in the dark for a moment.

_“Isaac! Sam!”_

Isaac’s head snapped up. “That’s Gray.” He staggered to his feet and pulled Sam up beside him. “Shit…” They jogged back to the camp.

Gray met them at the edge of the circle of light thrown by the campfire. They looked weary. Intense.

“Gray?” Isaac’s voice was approaching the edge of panic. “What’s going on?” His eyes moved past them to Vera, huddled by the fire. She was on her knees. “No…”

Gray nodded. “It’s Vera. She’s there again. Gavin –”

Isaac was already moving towards her. “Gavin _what?”_ he snarled.

“I don’t think he even meant to.” Gray’s voice was pitched low. “He was giving Vera attitude and… called her _sweetheart_ …”

Isaac turned and descended on Gavin.

_“No!”_ Gavin squeaked, twisting as far away from Isaac as he could. “No no no no no fuck _please_ I didn’t mean to!”

Isaac grabbed the front of Gavin’s shirt and pulled his fist back. “The _fuck_ you mean you didn’t mean to,” he growled.

“No no no Jesus Christ,” Gavin babbled. “I didn’t know that was a thing, I swear to god I didn’t, I didn’t know that would do that to her I _swear_ …”

Isaac shoved him back against the tree with both hands locked in his shirt. Gavin grunted at the impact. “You thought you’d just call her what your piece of shit _rapist_ father called her when he –”

“He didn’t… _rape_ …” Gavin’s eyes were pulled wide as Isaac slammed him harder against the tree.

“Yes he _fucking did,”_ Isaac roared in his face. “He did, and he called it _making her good.”_ Gavin cried out as Isaac slammed him back again. “What the _fuck_ did you think he was going to have you do to her once he had her and Tori? You thought he’d stop then?”

“I didn’t… no…” Gavin looked pale.

“You thought that wouldn’t be part of it? Are you that _fucking stupid?”_

“No!” he cried. “I’m… I’m not a sexual sadist!”

Isaac’s mouth fell open. “…are you fucking kidding? You think that matters to me? You think –”

“I didn’t mean it, I swear,” Gavin sobbed. “Please… I’m sorry…” He tried to look around Isaac at Vera. “Tell her I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Isaac threw Gavin back against the tree. “If you _ever_ call her that again, I’m going to _kill you,”_ he snarled at him. He turned and walked carefully to Vera’s side. Everyone else was watching him with wide eyes as Vera huddled silently beside the fire.

“Isaac,” Gray murmured disapprovingly.

“Yeah I know.” He waved his hand dismissively at Gray. He looked at Tori. “Has she said anything?”

“Of course not,” she whispered. She was staring at Vera with tears in her eyes.

“Oh.” He knelt beside Vera. She was staring into the fire with a blank expression on her face. He looked at Gray.

Gray licked their lips. “Vera, you can speak.”

“Thank you, sir,” she breathed.

Isaac squeezed his eyes shut. “We need to get her out of it,” he murmured to Gray. “It’s not safe for her to be like this out here.”

“I know.” They were looking at her with concern written across their face. “Vera, I need you to breathe with me.”

She turned to look at them, her eyes staring sightlessly through them. “Not allowed,” she whispered.

“You are, Vera. You’re allowed to breathe with me. Come on. Breathe in –”

“Not allowed to remember Ryan.”


	16. Chapter 16

Gray froze. “Vera… Who is Ryan? Is he the one you remembered before?”

She nodded slowly. “Ryan…” She bit her lip. “Ryan…”

Gray pressed their lips together. They drew in a slow breath. “Okay. What do you remember about Ryan?”

Isaac balked. “Gray –”

“It’s important for her to remember this. If it’s buried it will only hurt her.”

“But –”

“Isaac…” Gray fixed him with a look. “Trust me. She needs to be able to remember this.”

After a moment Isaac sat back. “Fine.”

Gray turned back to Vera. “Vera, what do you remember about Ryan?”

Her mouth fell open slowly. “I…” Her face screwed up in helpless concentration. “I…”

Gray glanced at Tori. She had her eyes squeezed shut and was leaning away from Vera, tears pouring down her face. “Did he work for…”

“J—” She choked on the sound. She shook her head. “Not allowed to remember.”

“We don’t have to talk about him. Let’s talk about Ryan. You’re allowed to remember Ryan.”

“Not allowed.”

“Vera…” Gray bit their lip. “I say you are. Your memories are yours. They’re all allowed. You won’t be punished.”

She flinched and groaned softly. “Ryan…”

“You said he was a good man. Did he help you?”

“Yes.” Her mouth twisted. “He protected me.”

“He protected you from… the other one?”

Her forehead wrinkled. “…he tried.”

“Did he help you escape?”

Her jaw worked for a moment. “There is no escape. Ryan never existed.”

“But –”

“You imagined him. Bad girl. Bad girl. Don’t remember Ryan. You imagined him.”

“Vera, you have to trust me. You’re being good. He was real. Did he help you escape?”

Her lips trembled. “…he… he tried…”

“What happened to him?”

Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I don’t _know!”_ she wailed. “I don’t _know,_ I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…” She pitched forward on her knees. Toward the fire.

_“NO!”_ Isaac yanked her backwards away from the flames and sent her sprawling onto her back.

She shuddered and closed her eyes, reaching her hands up above her head on the ground and letting her legs fall out to the side. “I can be good,” she whispered. “I’m not supposed to remember Ryan, I’m sorry, I can be good…”

Isaac’s hand closed around the collar of her shirt and pulled her upright until she was sitting up. Without hesitating she pushed herself onto her knees again and bowed her head. He snatched his hand back from her like she’d burned him.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I won’t remember Ryan. I can be good.”

Gray crouched at her side. “Vera… You’re being good. I promise, you’re being good. I need to help you remember him or I need to pull you out. Can you do that?”

She cringed forward. “I can… I can be good. I can try to remember.”

Gray hung their head and squeezed their eyes shut against the tears that came with her words. “Okay. What can you tell me about him? Can you remember what he looked like?”

Her eyes closed as she concentrated. “…tall… taller than me… He was… stronger… could hold me down…”

Gray’s head snapped back up. “What? Did he… did he hurt you?”

“I…” She bit down hard on her lip. “Yes… but… I understand…”

“What do you mean? Did the other one make him do it?”

She nodded emphatically. “Yes. Yes. He didn’t want to. Wanted to help. Wanted to set me free. Save me.”

“Did he do it?”

She folded forward and began to shake. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know there’s no escape. There’s no way out. I imagined him. Bad girl.”

“Okay.” Gray looked up to where the trees ended and the sky began. “Okay. I’m pulling you out. Breathe in with me, Vera, and come back. Come back to our camp. Look around at the trees. And the fire. Breathe out.”

Her eyes were dead as she breathed. It was a mechanical thing, in and out. Her gaze remained far away.

“Good. Again. Breathe in, breathe out.” She obeyed. “Good. In, out.”

Tori knelt beside Vera, not touching her, but close enough that her presence was felt. Vera leaned unconsciously into her warmth. “Good, Vera,” she whispered. “Keep breathing with us. I love you.”

They all pulled breath into their lungs together around the fire, all of them. Finn, Ellis, Gray, Isaac, Sam. Even Edrissa. She sat at the edge of the fire as far as she could get from the others, and as far as was physically possible to be from Gavin. As Vera breathed and came back to her body her throat got tighter, the tears running from her eyes, her muscles coiling in pain. She shuddered and opened her eyes. She looked around at her family.

Her mouth fell open. “He raped me,” she whispered.

She collapsed into painful sobs. Tori caught her as she slumped to the ground and pulled her into her arms. Vera wailed in anguish and threw her arms around Tori’s neck. Vera buried her face into her shoulder as she heaved forward, tongue clumsy. “I… don’t…” she gasped. “I… don’t… understand… I don’t know why…” She bit down on Tori’s shoulder to muffle her cries. “I know he didn’t want to, I _know_ it, but I can’t remember… what happened…” She choked on her tears. “Joseph must have… made him… But I can’t remember if he’s the one who freed me…” She ground her face into Tori’s shirt. “Ryan… my friend…” Her voice trailed into a whine. “He raped me…”

Gray knelt beside her. “Can I touch you?” they murmured. Vera nodded and they wrapped their arms around her and Tori, together. “I’m so sorry,” they whispered. “I’m so sorry. We’ll keep looking. I’ll try to help you keep remembering.”

“I don’t want to remember,” she sobbed. “I don’t want to remember that. I remember Joseph… That was bad enough… I don’t want to think of _him,_ Ryan was my _friend,_ I know that, I don’t want to think of him doing that…” She pressed a hand to her mouth. “I remember what it did to him. I remember how he… _hated_ himself…” She whimpered. “But I can’t even remember what he looked like… I remember how he smelled, I remember how his hands felt, I remember how it felt when… he…” Tori stroked her fingers through Vera’s hair as she sobbed. “But I can’t even remember who he was. I just have… fragments… of his voice, of him… holding me…” She shook her head. “But I can’t remember anything else. How could I have forgotten that? How could I forget a whole _person?_ My friend?” She pressed her face into her hands and wept.

Gray moved their hand over her back in soothing circles. “The other one’s name was Joseph, you said?” She nodded bitterly. “He forced you to forget, Vera. It sounds like he tortured you until you… couldn’t think of him without pain. It’s possible you completely buried the memories to keep yourself safe. Of course he wouldn’t want you to think escape was possible. If he wanted you to be… compliant…” She flinched at the word.

“I just…” She sniffled. “If he was the one good thing I had when I was down in that cell, I want… I want to remember him. Not what he did to me, but what… Who he was. Who he was to me. I want to remember _that.”_

“You can’t force it,” Gray murmured. “It’ll come. But only if you let it.”

“I don’t want it to come up if I have to go there every time,” she whimpered miserably.

“I don’t think you have too. And we’ll make sure… no one… uses that word again.”

Vera stiffened. Slowly, she turned around to face Gavin. He was staring at her with terror in his eyes, and something that looked suspiciously like… remorse. He swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know… I didn’t realize…” His eyes went wide as she carefully got to her feet, wobbling a little before she could get her balance. “I didn’t know, I won’t do it again, I’m sorry I used that word…” His voice was rising to a terrified whine as she approached him. “I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!”

She bent down and slapped him smartly across the face. He gasped and stared at her, looking shocked to his core. She leaned over him. He pressed himself back against the tree as she brought her face close to his until their noses were almost touching. Gray rocked forward, ready to stop her if he moved to kill him. Isaac’s body tensed, ready to kill _Gavin_ if Vera needed a hand.

Vera’s voice was low and deadly. “If you – _ever_ – say that word again, in my hearing or out of it, I will cut your heart out of your chest with your own knife and I will _eat it_ in front of you. Do you understand?”

Gavin nodded frantically, his teeth clacking together. “Yes. I understand. I understand. Please don’t kill me. I’m so… I’m so sorry…” He trembled under her gaze, his eyes filling with tears of abject terror. “I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry. And I… I _swear_ … I will never, ever do it again.” He pressed his quivering lips together. “I’m sorry.”

Without a word she stood and returned to her spot by the fire. She folded into Tori’s arms again and wrapped her arm around Tori’s waist. Finn and Ellis stared at her for a long moment, admiration and pride glowing in their eyes. Isaac watched Gavin carefully as he took a seat across the fire from him. Sam sat several paces away. Gavin thought that was interesting. Edrissa was looking over at Vera with shining eyes. A smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth.


	17. Manhandling

_Isaac stirred. The ground was cold and uncomfortable under his bedroll, but it felt more normal than sleeping in a bed at this point._ I’ve been on the run for as long as I was at home with my parents. _The thought occurred to him through a fog of confusion._

 _From the bite in the air, he figured the fire had died down._ Weird. I wonder why Finn didn’t keep it going. _They’d all gone to bed, leaving Finn to keep watch for the first four hours. They were supposed to keep the fire going, keep an eye on Gavin, and watch for anyone approaching the camp. Vera had tied a gag roughly around Gavin’s head and triple checked the knots and zip-ties around his wrists and ankles before she’d bedded down for the night._

 _He painfully pushed himself to his hands and knees._ I’ll see what’s going on. No need to wake the others.

 _The moon was just barely filtering through the trees enough to illuminate the ground around him. He rubbed his eyes and looked around blearily for Finn._ Where are they?

_The coals where the fire had been were almost cool. The hair on the back of his neck stood up and he forced himself to push out a slow breath. It fogged from his mouth as he turned in a circle, his eyes moving over the shadows between the trees._

_His heart stopped as he saw Gavin was no longer tied to the tree they’d left him on._

No.

_He lurched forward, his hands feeling along the ground for the others. His fingers landed on an empty bedroll. Then another. Then another. His breaths came faster and faster as he checked each one. They were all empty. Every single one._

_“Hey, Isaac.”_

_He spun around, squinting into the dark at the vague shadow in front of him. His heart hammered in his chest._ No. No no no no. This can’t be happening again.

 _The fire sputtered to life behind him. Isaac’s stomach sank as the light flickered across Gavin, standing right in front of him. He was standing over Sam with a knife in his hand, dripping red to the hilt. Sam._ His _Sam was lying on their side, bound, gagged, bleeding heavily into the dirt below them. Their eyes fluttered as they drifted towards unconsciousness._

_Isaac roared his rage and lunged towards Gavin. Before he could reach him Gavin dropped to his knees beside Sam and held the knife to their throat. Isaac lurched to a stop. His eyes were wide and riveted on Sam._

I should have killed him. I should have killed him in that fucking basement. I should have ended his life. Sam. Sam, no…

_He fought down a sob as it clawed up his throat. “Gavin… let them go… Please…”_

_Gavin grinned at him. “Or what?” His hand tangled in Sam’s hair and pulled their head up so Isaac could see their face. Their left eye was swollen nearly shut and a deep gash to their cheek was oozing blood down their face. The knife pressed harder into their throat._

_“What do you want?” The words hurt as they made their way out. “I’ll do anything. Just… let them go. Please. Let me help them and let them go.”_

_“Anything I want, huh?” Isaac’s stomach twisted at the darkness that coiled in Gavin’s eyes. “You’ll give me yourself?”_

_“Yes,” Isaac breathed. “You know I will. You know I’ll do anything.”_

_“You’d do it again for them? You won’t get away this time… This time I’ll have you until you’re dead, and that’s a promise.” Sam mewled weakly as Gavin wrenched their head to the side._

_“Sam,” Isaac whispered. “Sam, it’s gonna be okay… Sam, just… hang on…”_

_Gavin_ tsk _ed. “Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” He dragged Sam onto their back. Isaac gasped at the stain of red that soaked half the shirt they were wearing. “I think I got their liver. Really not looking good for them.”_

_Isaac barely felt the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. “Please,” he whimpered. “Let me help them… Let me get them to a hospital, please, and I’ll go with you. I’ll do anything. Please.”_

_“I don’t think they’ll survive this one, hun.”_

_“Then why…” Isaac’s voice broke. “Why give me a choice? Why would you… do this… We spared you, I didn’t kill you…”_

_Gavin laughed. “You are so slow sometimes, Isaac.” He shrugged. “I did this because it’s_ fun _. It’s in my blood.” He pressed the handle of his knife into the spot where the blood was thickest. A twisted scream tore out of Sam. Their eyes squeezed shut against the pain before they slumped to the ground and their eyes rolled back._

“No!” _Isaac screamed. “Gavin, no… please… Do anything to me, please, just… don’t hurt them…”_

_“God, I missed this.” Gavin laughed gently. “Sam bleeding, you doing stupid self-sacrificing shit. I really do have your number, Isaac. You do stupid things for the people you love. And look where that’s gotten you.”_

_Isaac’s knees buckled and he fell to the ground. “No,” he sobbed, crawling towards Sam’s limp form. “Sam… Wake up Sam, please…”_

_“They’re not long for this world, Isaac,” Gavin sneered. “You stab enough people, you learn where the important things are. And look at all that blood. They don’t have an awful lot left.”_

_Isaac was still several feet away but his hands were already wet with blood. It was spilling out over the ground away from Sam as they grew more and more pale. Isaac watched as they convulsed one more time against the wound in their side. They shuddered and lay still._

“NO!” _Isaac screamed. He stumbled forward on his hands and knees to Gavin’s feet and pulled Sam into his arms. The blood soaked into their shirt stained his clothes. He cradled Sam against his chest, sobbing so hard he could barely draw breath. They seemed so much smaller dead. Lighter. Their eyes were slightly open and clouded over. Their curls fell over their face, concealing some of the bruises. Isaac smoothed their hair back and pressed a kiss against their forehead. “No,” he whimpered. “No no… no… Sam…” He crushed them against his chest, rocking them slightly. They hung limp in his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”_

_“Say your goodbyes fast, Isaac. I want to get you back home. I miss having you under my knife.”_

_“No,” Isaac sobbed. He pressed his forehead against Sam’s. His tears rolled down his face and onto theirs. He could feel the blood cooling on Sam’s skin already. “No…”_

_Isaac felt a hand in his hair and Gavin yanked his head back. He stared up past Gavin at the stars above him, tears blurring his vision._

_“You should have known not to trust me,” Gavin hissed. “This one’s on you.”_

Isaac’s eyes flew open. He rolled to his side and tried to bring his hands to his face. He was trembling.

His heart caught in his throat as he felt something restraining his hands behind his back. He pushed himself up onto his knees, his eyes blurry with sleep and with tears. It took him a moment to comprehend what he was seeing.

His family was lined up along the fire, on their knees, their hands tied behind their backs. They were each gagged, and each staring at Isaac. Gavin and Edrissa were on their knees, too. Edrissa was sobbing, almost bent forward at the waist as tears streamed down her face. Gavin looked absolutely terrified.

Isaac’s stomach dropped as he saw Sam. They were pinned on their belly in front of the others. A man was kneeling over them with one hand in Sam’s hair, forcing their face into the dirt. His other hand was – Isaac’s stomach heaved as he saw it – holding a gun to the back of Sam’s head. Another man was standing behind the line of Isaac’s family with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Isaac could see the shadow of a baton held loosely in the man’s hand.

For a moment Isaac’s mind went blank. He launched himself at the man pinning Sam to the ground. Rage and fear burned through his blood. He skidded to a halt as the man yanked Sam’s head up off the ground and forced the gun harder to the side of their head. Sam’s eyes were blank with panic as they stared up at Isaac.

The other man had already started to move on him. As he approached him, Isaac threw himself against the man’s stomach. A growl ripped from between his teeth. The man’s hand shot out with the baton. Isaac braced himself for the blow.

Pain ripped through him and he collapsed to the ground, his skin prickling with electricity. He moaned and rolled to his knees. His legs were shaking under him. The man struck him again, this time holding it to his skin longer. A scream tore from Isaac’s throat as his body convulsed around the pain. Suddenly he was on Gavin’s table again as Gavin electrocuted him, his laugh loud in Isaac’s ears. Then, abruptly, it ended. He lay on the ground for a moment, gasping. The man hauled him upright and half-dragged him to the line with the others. He was forced to his knees beside Vera. She was trembling, but Isaac could see a cold rage in her eyes that made his mouth go dry. _There are only two of them. And she’s going to kill at least one as soon as Sam is clear._

“I told you this was a good investment,” the man mumbled as he turned to his partner.

“Not worth trading your fucking gun for, you idiot,” the other one snapped. His hand tightened in Sam’s hair and they whimpered. He shook his head and looked up at Isaac. “That’s the last one awake then.” He drew himself to his feet and dragged Sam upright by their hair. They cried out, shivering in terror.

Isaac lurched forward at the sound of their cry. He flinched as the man pressed the gun hard to the side of Sam’s head again. A grin spread across his face. “Yeah, I figured you’d care about this one, too. Everyone else was _real_ concerned.” He jerked Sam’s head back and they were forced to look at Isaac. He thought he would be sick when he saw the desperate terror in their eyes.

“So,” drawled the man with the gun to Sam’s head. “I’m pretty damned sure I know who you are. I’m gonna say…” He flicked the gun at Isaac. “You’re Isaac?” He waved the gun vaguely at the others. “And… let me see if I remember off the top of my head… Gray, Vera, Ellis, Finn… Sam?” His hand wrapped around Sam’s chin and he pulled their face up towards him. “I’m assuming that’s you.” He glanced at the others. “Can’t really account for the three extras but they’re probably wanted too, I reckon.” He shrugged.

Isaac’s lip curled. _Bounty hunters._ He swallowed as he wondered what they would say if they knew they had the person who’d be paying their bounties right here with them.

The man’s eyes settled on Isaac. “I’m not in the mood to fuck around. I’ve been on the road for days, and I’ve barely slept with how _that_ one –” He gestured the man behind Isaac with his chin. “—snores like a motherfucker. So I’m gonna give you five seconds to tell me exactly who you are.” He glanced down at Sam. “Or I start into this one.”


	18. Forced to kneel/bow

Sam’s eyes went wide with horror as they met Isaac’s gaze.

_“No,”_ he growled as he lunged forward. The man behind him yanked him back and struck him with the baton again. A guttural scream was ripped from his throat as he writhed on the ground. The shock ended and he slumped into the dirt. Sweat shone on his face and prickled under his clothes. The man hauled him back up to his knees and held him down with a hand locked in his hair. Isaac’s chest heaved as he looked at Sam, trembling in the man’s hands.

“Five,” drawled the man holding Sam.

“No,” Isaac groaned.

“Four.”

Isaac wrenched his wrists against whatever was restraining him. _Feels like a zip-tie. Way too tight, even if I dislocated my thumb again._ “Please…”

“Three.”

“No.”

“Two.”

“No no no _don’t!”_

“One.”

_“Please!”_

The man shrugged. “Fine.” He threw Sam down onto their belly and kept his gun trained on their back. Sam grunted as they hit the ground. The man wound up and kicked them viciously in the side. Sam’s scream was nearly drowned out by Isaac’s.

_“NO!_ Fuck you, I don’t… I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

Another kick to Sam’s back. “Really? Because y’all match the descriptions of six people the syndicates want _real_ bad.”

Tears were streaming down Isaac’s face. “Stop…” He swallowed the tearing feeling in his throat. “I don’t…”

The man wrenched Sam’s head to the side and pressed the gun against their cheek. They sobbed brokenly as their face was pushed into the dirt.

_If I say who we are, we’re all dead, including Sam._ Isaac stared down at Sam, his mind going blank in agony. _No no no no no._

“Tell me who y’all are, and this can stop. We either go our separate ways, no hard feelings, or I pack you up nice and comfy and take you where you need to be. Nobody else has to get hurt.” He jerked Sam’s face up towards Isaac and dragged the gag out of their mouth. “Tell him to play nice with me.”

Sam pressed their lips together and sobbed in terror. Isaac’s jaw clenched so hard his head began to throb. “No…”

The man sighed. “I can do this all day, you know?” He punched Sam in the back. They jerked and wailed into the ground.

“No,” Sam sobbed. They screamed as the man kicked them hard in the leg.

“Ooh. That’ll bruise.”

“You _piece of shit,_ you _leave them alone!”_ Isaac roared.

The man laughed. “Or what? This is really easy. You tell me who you are and this stops, either way.” Another kick, this time to Sam’s gut. They convulsed forward in a scream.

Isaac ground his teeth together as he looked up at the man with a hatred that burned through his blood. He cried out with Sam as the man kicked them hard in the hip, sending them sprawling onto their stomach again.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Isaac forced out from between his teeth as tears streamed down his face. “Whoever you think we are…” He swallowed a whimper as his eyes flicked down to Sam again. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

Then man stared at Isaac for a moment. He abandoned Sam on the ground and walked to stand just in front of Isaac. His partner pulled Isaac’s head back as the man with the gun knelt in front of him. He surveyed Isaac carefully.

“I reckon,” he murmured, “that if you _are_ the crew the syndicates are looking for, you know the bounty is only good if I bring you in alive.”

Isaac’s jaw clenched. He knew it, they all did.

They man’s eyes were still moving over his face. “So you figure I won’t kill this one.” He motioned to Sam behind him with his chin. He blew out a slow breath. “And you’d be right. Six million is better than five million.”

Isaac’s eyes went wide. He hadn’t known the bounties were so high.

“Here’s the thing, though,” the man continued. “I need to know exactly what I’m bringing in. Y’all might just be…” He chuckled. “…the unluckiest group alive, matching the descriptions of wanted people. Hell, you might even be hunters yourselves, given how we found that one.” He jerked his chin at Gavin. Gavin trembled. “But I don’t think that’s the case. So, last chance, tell me who you are before I move on to something else.”

_What else would they do to Sam?_ He looked past the man at Sam, crumpled on the ground. They weren’t looking at Isaac. Their eyes were closed and their face was pressed into the dirt as they sobbed brokenly. _What more can I watch them do to Sam?_ His eyes flicked along the line of his family. They were all looking at him with naked desperation in their eyes. _They all depend on me. If I say anything they all die. I watch Sam be tortured by the syndicates. I watch Sam die._ His eyes slid closed, sending a fresh stream of tears down his cheeks. _I’m so sorry, Sam. I’m so, so sorry._ He set his jaw and met the man’s eyes.

_“Fuck you,”_ he growled.

The man straightened and sighed as he pulled a hand through his hair. He motioned at Isaac. “Jim, gag this one and we move on.”

Isaac opened his mouth to scream and a gag was shoved between his teeth. He thrashed as it was tied tightly behind his head. He looked to Sam again. They were opening their eyes slightly now, moaning against the dirt. _No. No. What are they going to do to them?_

He was so focused on Sam he barely felt the two men move to his left. He vaguely noticed them in the corner of his vision as he watched Sam’s chest heave, watched the sticks and dirt and mud shiver under their body. He didn’t notice the men until they spoke.

“How about you, darlin’?”

His head snapped to the side as he saw them standing at Vera. The man with the gun in front, and the man with the shock baton behind her. _NO. No. She’s recovering, leave her alone, LEAVE HER ALONE!_ His lips trembled around the gag.

She was staring up at the man with a curdled hatred in her eyes that made Isaac’s blood run cold. The man laughed and whistled low. “Damn, darlin’. The way you’re looking at me looks like you either want to kill me or fuck me, I can’t tell which.” He chuckled.

Isaac’s stomach roiled. _No. No. I can’t let them do that to her. Please… I’ll tell them and we’ll figure it out later…_

Vera growled low in her throat. Isaac shuddered. He knew without a doubt he was going to watch these men die if they gave Vera an inch.

The man pulled the gag gently from her mouth and knelt in front of her. “What’ll it be, darlin’?” he asked gently. “You wanna tell me who y’all are?”

She lunged at him, her mouth open wide. She snapped at him viciously like a rabid dog. The man jumped back with a hand to his face just as the shock baton connected between her shoulder blades. She couldn’t catch herself as she slammed onto the ground on her stomach. She convulsed and screamed at the shock against her skin and slumped with a moan as it ended.

The man staggered to his feet and pulled his hand away from his face. There was a distinct crescent ring of bloody marks on his left cheek. Blood was smeared across the skin and over his hand. A trickle of blood ran from the deepest cut and he cursed.

“Son of a _bitch!”_ He kicked Vera in the shoulder. She jerked, already trying to scramble to her feet. The man’s boot landed squarely on her back and pressed her back down onto the ground. “Jim! Were you _planning_ on holding her like we talked about? Like you held this one?” He jerked his chin at Isaac.

“Sorry, Lester. I didn’t think she… would…”

“Give me more of your fucking zip-ties. We’re hog-tying this one.”

Vera writhed under his boot as the men pinned her legs down and bound her ankles together. They forced her legs to bend until they could zip-tie her wrists to her ankles.

_“No!”_ Vera shrieked. “No no no no no _fuck!”_ She sobbed and gasped for air as they dragged her back in line with the others. “Please no!” She dissolved into broken whimpers as they tied the gag around her mouth again. She whined into the gag as they walked away from her and moved down the line.

Isaac trembled as he watched her slip away. _No. God, no. No._ He watched her whimpers cease, watched the shuddering sobs that wracked her body quiet down until she was silent. Her cheek rested on the damp ground and her eyes seemed miles away. She was perfectly still. She was under. _No._

“How about you?”

Isaac looked up and saw they were standing in front of Gray now. Gray was trembling, their breaths seeming to come harder than they were before. _I wonder if they made their wound worse when they took us._ Sweat shone on their forehead in the light of the fire.

“I…” The words seemed to cost them. “I don’t have anything to say. We aren’t who you think we are.”

“Hm.”

The air was rent with their scream as the shock baton pressed against their side. They collapsed to the ground, shuddering, as their muscles spasmed after the baton had been lifted. Their mouth hung open in agony.

“Nothing?” The two men dragged Gray upright by their arms. They cried out, tears pouring down their face.

“What’s this?” The man with the gun, Lester, prodded at Gray’s chest. Isaac saw a dark stain spreading slowly over the spot on their shirt where… _No._ Finn lurched forward with a cry. “Looks like you…” He pulled Gray’s shirt up over their chest and revealed the patch of gauze covering their wound. It was red and leaking blood.

The man laughed. “Huh. Yeah, that checks out. The one matching _your_ description…” He let Gray’s shirt fall. “…was seriously injured. Wanna make this easy and tell me who you are? We could get you to medical attention.” He grinned.

Gray was starting to look faint. “We’re… not…” They squeezed their eyes shut against the pain. They swayed slowly on their knees.

“Hey, alright. We might come back to you.” The man took another step to stand in front of Finn. “How about you? You ready to tell me something I can use?”

Finn was glaring up at the man with all the ferocity they had. They were trembling. The man laughed. “Okay. Got a fierce one here.” Finn whimpered even as they grit their teeth at him. The man pulled the gag from their mouth. “You wanna tell me what I need to know?”

“You’re wasting your time, you son of a –” They convulsed forward as the baton struck them in the back. Ellis lurched forward with a muffled scream.

The man looked over at Ellis, staring at Finn with tears in their eyes as they quivered on the ground. “Ooh! Got another couple. You think maybe if I…” He kicked Finn in the shoulder.

Ellis convulsed forward, ragged scream tearing from their throat. The man laughed. “Jim, see if that worked.”

The man pulled the gag out of Ellis’s mouth. Ellis was screaming the words, tightly packed with hatred. “Fuck you, _fuck you, you son of a bitch, touch them again and I’ll fucking kill you –”_

“Aw. Touch them? Like that?” The man kicked them again.

_“NO! Fuck you, I will KILL YOU –”_

Finn lay whimpering on the ground as the man stood in front of Ellis. “You wanna use that mouth to tell me who y’all are? Or are you just gonna keep screaming profanity at my sensitive ears?”

_“FUCK YOU! You pathetic piece of shit son of a BITCH I’ll tear you to pieces, I’ll fucking –”_ They whined in protest as the gag was forced back between their teeth.

The man motioned to Finn. “Get them up, too.” Ellis’s eyes were wide and streaming with tears as they looked Finn over, mumbling wordless apologies into the gag as Finn sobbed.

Tori was silent and shivering as the men stopped at her. Her face was wet with tears as the man with the gun looked down at her. “And you? You don’t match the descriptions of anyone the syndicates are after. What are you doing out here, honey? If you’re not a part of this, you have nothing to fear, right?” He pulled the gag from her mouth.

“I…” she whimpered.

The man ducked a little closer. “What was that, honey? I didn’t hear you.”

“I…” She swallowed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She trembled and squeezed her eyes shut as she said it. “Please –”

She screamed as the baton touched her arm. She fell to the forest floor, convulsing for a moment until the shock ended and she lay still. Vera didn’t move at the sound of her screams. Didn’t blink.

“I don’t know anything,” Tori whimpered. “Please…”

“Get her up,” the man sighed. She was roughly dragged up and forced to her knees. She wept quietly.

The man finally stopped in front of Edrissa. She was still sobbing, trembling in every limb. Her eyes were wide with terror. The man knelt down in front of her.

“What about you, sweetheart? You seem like you’d be willing to tell me a few things.”

Gavin’s eyes went wide with fear. He looked down the line at Vera as the word _sweetheart_ left the man’s lips. His breath stopped for a moment as he realized, for the first time, that Vera was deep, deep under. He whimpered and looked back to the men standing around Edrissa.

The man eased the gag from between Edrissa’s lips. “Come on, sweetheart. You don’t look like you’re part of this. _God_ you’re so young. Tell me, honey. Can you tell me?”

“Yes,” Edrissa gasped. “Please, please… I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything.”


	19. Betrayal

Isaac rocked forward. _“No!”_ he screamed into the gag. The word was caught and muffled. Burning tears of frustration spilled over. _After all this, after everything, she’s going to be the one to get us killed. I should have killed her before we even left Beringer. I should have kept my family safe._

The bounty hunter looked over at Isaac with a grin on his face. “Uh oh, someone doesn’t want you to spill the beans.” He turned back to Edrissa and drew her hair back from her face. “Go ahead, sweetheart. Tell me who they are. I think I know, but I want to hear it from you.”

She whimpered and glanced over at Gavin. He was staring at her with terror in his eyes, his mouth working against the gag. “Um…” She sniffled. She motioned to Gavin with her chin. “This is Gavin Stormbeck. He’s the one who would pay the bounties.” Gavin withered beside her.

She set her jaw and met the bounty hunter’s eyes for the first time. “My name is Edrissa Worthington. I’m Gavin’s plaything.” Her lip trembled as she said it and tears shone in her eyes. She looked along the line of the others. “I don’t… I don’t know who these people are. They haven’t told me their names, anything. They kidnapped me and Gavin and I… I don’t know why.” She shivered and tears spilled down her cheeks. “Please, I don’t know if they’re who you’re looking for but… please… don’t let them take me, I want to go with you…” She whimpered softly.

The bounty hunters’ eyes had gone wide. They were both staring at Gavin as he trembled in the dirt. The man with the gun gently pulled the gag from Gavin’s mouth. “Is this true? You’re Gavin Stormbeck?”

Gavin took a long look at Edrissa. She met his gaze and held it.

He licked his lips and turned his face up towards the bounty hunter. “That’s true. I have my ID in my wallet if you don’t believe me. And as for _them_ …” His lip curled as he glanced at the others. “I have no idea who they are. I don’t know if they planned to ransom me, or what. But I’d _appreciate_ it,” he said through gritted teeth, “if you’d help me leave their… _custody.”_ He smiled. “I’m sure I could find a way to compensate you.”

“Uh… yeah.” The man with the gun shook himself, seemingly recovered from the shock. He tucked the gun into the back of his waistband. “Sorry. Jim, uh…” He held his hand out. “You have those wire cutters? Get him out of those restraints. And…” He pointed at Edrissa. “…and her, too.” His hand went up to rub the back of his neck. “Sorry about that. If I’d known who you were I think it, um… I think it speaks for itself that I wouldn’t have… um…” He cast his eyes down in the look of a man who knows he’s made a mistake.

“It’s fine,” Gavin grumbled. “I wouldn’t exactly expect to find me in such an… _undignified_ position, either.”

The man standing behind them cut the zip-ties pulling Gavin’s hands behind his back, and moved on to Edrissa. Gavin staggered to his feet and moved to stand beside the man with the gun.

“So, Lester – It’s Lester, right?” Gavin held out his hand. Lester shook it warily. He seemed to relax when an easy smile settled on Gavin’s face. “No harm, no foul. I know you’ve got a job to do and it sounds like you’re damned good at it.”

Lester looked at his shoes. “Appreciate that, sir.”

Gavin turned to face the others. They were all looking up at him with a mix of fear and confusion in their eyes – and not a small bit of hope. All except Vera. She lay silent and still on her stomach, eyes unfocused and far away.

“As for them. I’m sorry, but I think they just might be the unluckiest idiots ever. I’ve only been with them for a few hours but they don’t seem to be the ones I put out the bounty for.” He pursed his lips. “I think you might just have to keep looking.” He rolled his eyes up to the trees. “Although I fucking wish they were. I’ve got _plans_ for whenever someone finally brings them in.”

Disappointment hung on Lester’s face. “Yes, sir. Well… would you like me to put them down for you? I mean… they kidnapped you, that’s got to be punishable by _something_ , right?” He turned his gaze up to Gavin.

Gavin placed a hand on his shoulder. “That might be warranted, yes. But… let me do it.” He turned to look at them, contempt twisting his features. “They haven’t exactly been kind to me. I’d like to repay their treatment in Stormbeck fashion.”

“Sure, of course, sir,” Lester stuttered. He pulled the gun from his waistband and handed it carefully to Gavin.

Gavin took the gun, calmly surveying the others. Isaac noticed his hand shaking.

_He’s actually going to do it._

Isaac looked down at Sam where they still lay on the ground, sobbing. Their forehead was pressed into the damp earth. _“Sam,”_ he tried to mumble through the gag. A sound vaguely resembling their name made it through. They lifted their head to look at him, eyes raw from crying. They stared at each other for a moment, and Isaac knew they were both thinking the same thing.

_I love you._

_BANG._

Isaac jerked, half expecting the punch of a bullet through his chest. His eyes flew up to Gavin. He was aiming the gun at the bounty hunter. The bounty hunter toppled to the ground.

Gavin fired two more rounds into the man where he lay on the ground. Gavin was pale as he snapped the gun up to aim at the other bounty hunter, who was starting to turn away from his line of captives.

_“Stop,”_ Gavin said forcefully. “Think about it. You don’t have a gun and I _will_ shoot your sorry ass if you try to run. Put the baton on the ground.”

Isaac dove forward, throwing himself out of range of the gun and covering Sam’s body with his own. They cried out weakly. He could feel them trembling violently under him. He looked up and saw Tori following suit, scrambling away as Gray weakly shuffled to the side on their knees. Finn was already on their back, working their bound hands around their hips to the front.

The bounty hunter was shaking as he followed Gavin’s orders. He placed the baton on the ground and slowly straightened, his throat working in terror as he stared down the barrel of the gun.

“Come here, get out from behind them. Come here.” Gavin jutted his chin at the ground behind him, away from the group. The man wobbled on clumsy legs as he made his way to where Gavin had indicated. “Get on your knees.” He all but collapsed to the ground. For the first time, his eyes fell on the body of his dead partner. A choked sob made its way up the man’s throat. “Now –”

He was interrupted by Isaac’s roar as he descended on the bounty hunter, still bound and gagged. The man screamed as Isaac kicked him onto his back.

“No!” he shrieked. “No, please! I’m sorry, I didn’t –” Isaac’s foot smashed into his face, silencing him. Gavin stared at him in shock as he raised his foot and brought it down against the man’s head, over and over again until Gavin saw something clear leaking from his ears and nose.

“Isaac, stop!” he shouted, tucking the gun into his waistband and throwing himself against Isaac. Isaac blindly lunged forward. His eyes blazed with rage. Gavin shoved him back again. “Fucking _stop!_ He’s dead, he’s…” Gavin fell to his knees and shuddered. He squeezed his eyes shut against the sight of the blood. He couldn’t shut out the smell. He leaned over and retched into the grass.

Isaac stood still, transfixed on Gavin as he unraveled at his feet. Gavin dissolved into messy tears, burying his face in his hands and sobbing like a child. “He’s dead,” he whispered. “I can’t… no no no _no_ …” He crumpled in on himself.

Isaac felt hands on his wrists and jumped. Finn appeared at his shoulder with the wire cutters. Isaac let them cut the zip-tie around his wrists and reached up to pull the gag from his mouth. He mindlessly wiped his boot in the damp grass.

“Isaac…” He spun around at the sound of his name, at the sound of the terrified voice that said it. Sam was stumbling towards him, their face wet with tears. They tripped into him and he squeezed them tight, wrapping his arms around their waist and lifting them a few inches off the ground. Sam wrapped their legs around his waist and they stood there like that for a moment, holding each other and crying.

“Vera…” The spell was broken. Isaac set Sam down on the ground and turned to see Tori kneeling at Vera’s side. She wept as she pulled their hair back from Vera’s face. Her hands shook at the blank look in Vera’s eyes.

_Gavin still has the gun._

His stomach dropped. He whirled to find Gavin on all fours, still heaving. Isaac stepped forward and snatched the gun from Gavin’s waistband. Isaac leveled it at him and his eyes blurred with tears. His gaze snapped to Edrissa, standing beside Gavin and frozen in place.

_“What the hell was that?”_ Isaac bellowed at her. She flinched and cringed away like the gun was pointed at her. “What…” He licked his lips. _“What_ was that? Did you… did you _mean_ for that to happen? And how…” He looked around at Finn. They quailed under his gaze.

“I’m sorry,” they whimpered. “I’m so sorry. They snuck up on me, gagged me first… They woke us up one by one and bound and gagged us… I’m so sorry…” Their voice wobbled on the edge of tears. “I wasn’t asleep, they just… I swear… I just didn’t see them!” They were sobbing raggedly.

Ellis put their arms protectively around Finn and glared at Isaac for a moment. “It’s true.” There was a bite to their voice that made Isaac back down just a little. _“That_ one –” They indicated the man Gavin had shot. “—held a gun on Sam as the other one woke everyone up one by one. Threatened to kill Sam if anyone made noise. It wasn’t Finn’s fault.” Their hands went to cradle the back of Finn’s head as they wept into their shoulder.

Isaac’s head snapped back to Edrissa. His heart was beating in his chest so hard it ached. _I thought I was going to watch Sam die. I thought I failed all of them._ He ground his teeth together. “Did you know…” His eyes flicked between her and Gavin. “You better explain yourself _right fucking now.”_

She had her hands over her mouth, her throat working around sobs. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I thought…” She looked down at Gavin, kneeling on the ground, finally finished retching. He was holding his hands over his head as he stared at the gun in Isaac’s hand. She looked from Gavin to Isaac, and back to Gavin. “I… thought…”

_“What_ did you think?” he screamed at her.

“Isaac…” He felt a hand on his arm, the arm stretched out with the gun. He brought wide eyes to Sam. Their face was streaked with mud and tears, and they were biting their lip like they were barely holding in a sob. “Isaac, please… can’t you see you’re scaring her?”

He looked at Edrissa. She was inconsolable, cowering on the ground away from Isaac. She could barely draw breath. Isaac clenched his jaw shut.

Sam went to her side, limping on the leg that had been kicked. She flinched when they touched her. “I’m sorry,” she wailed. “I’m sorry, I’ll be good, please don’t…”

“It’s ok,” Sam said softly, pain adding an edge to their voice. “No one’s going to hurt you. We just want to know what you were thinking. Do you understand why it would scare us?”

“I wasn’t betraying you,” she sobbed. “I couldn’t… you’ve been good to me, protected me…”

“Can you tell me what you were thinking when you said those things?”

She pulled her face away from her hands and looked again at Isaac and Gavin. Gavin was breathing hard with his hands still in the air, eyes fixed on the gun in Isaac’s hand. He looked like he was about to topple over. “I just… thought…” She pressed her lips together and shook her head, as if thinking better of it.

“Edrissa, please. Help us understand. We need to know we can trust you.” Sam’s voice was soft, patient.

“I thought… they didn’t think I was with you, I thought if I could get out… and get… _him_ out…” She looked at Gavin. “…I thought he would… I hoped he would understand, and… do something… He’s _syndicate,”_ she hissed. “I thought maybe he could…” She coughed on her tears. “I didn’t have a plan, I just wanted someone to be untied so _someone_ could do something. And I didn’t think they’d believe me if I said it was you.” She looked to Isaac and dissolved into tears again.

Isaac’s hand ached around the gun. His body buzzed with rage and adrenaline, his instincts telling him to kill Gavin right here and kill Edrissa very soon after. He felt pain like ghosts in his body, moving through him and tearing him open where he stood. He staggered and fell to one knee.

Gavin was watching him with wide, horrified eyes. Isaac struggled to keep the gun pointed at him, tried to force himself to focus to be ok. _I have to be ok._ His mind felt like it was on fire. _I have to be ok I have TO BE OK I HAVE TO BE OK!_ He whimpered and his hand shook around the gun. Tears blurred his eyes.

He felt a gentle hand on his wrist and he looked up to see Finn, eyes wide, gently pulling the gun from his grasp. He collapsed to the ground in a heap.

He felt arms around him as he shook apart. Somewhere in a faraway corner of his mind he thought he could smell Sam as the arms tightened around him. It took him a moment to realize he was sobbing.

“—thought I was going to watch you die,” he whimpered brokenly. “I thought they were going to send us back and torture us again, and I ca—” He choked on his tears. “I _can’t_ watch that happen to you again, Sam, no… please…” His fingers dung into their back as he clutched at them. He registered a hiss of pain. He released Sam and curled in on himself. “I, I th-thought…” He sobbed. “He was going to kill you, I thought he was… _no_ …”

“Isaac, it’s ok, it’s ok! I’m safe. He’s not going to hurt us.” Sam sounded frightened.

He could barely hear them over the agony in his mind. He was breaking open, he was going to _die,_ he was being hurt and hurt and _hurt_ by the man who was huddled in the dirt next to him. He couldn’t see they were in the woods. He couldn’t see the bodies of the men he and Gavin had just killed. He could only see the inside of a dark room with chains hanging from the ceiling. He could only smell the blood Gavin drew from him with screams and agony. He could only hear Sam as they cried, _begged_ Isaac, not to hurt them. He wasn’t safe, would _never_ be safe. There would always be people wanting to hurt him and the people he loved. There would _always be people wanting to hurt Sam._

Sam’s voice faded back in, sounding on the edge of panic. “…please, Isaac, _stop,_ you’re ok. You’re safe. You’re never going back there. We’re safe, Isaac. The hunters, they’re… they’re dead, Isaac, _please_ …”

“Isaac, you’re ok,” came Gray’s strained voice. “But we have to move. Someone might have heard the… the gunshots…”

He could barely feel all their hands on him, pulling him upright. Guiding him to the cars. When he blinked past the tears he could vaguely see Vera by the light of the fire, her face empty, being helped by Tori and Gray. Isaac thought Gray looked pale. It might have been a trick of the light.

He could feel… yes, it was Ellis on one side, Sam on the other, supporting him between them as they walked. When he turned to look back, he saw Finn’s shape herding Gavin into the other car, the one that Vera and he weren’t being helped into. He saw Edrissa’s waifish silhouette behind them. Then he felt the car seat under him. He felt Ellis leave his side and jog to the other car to climb in with Finn. He watched Gray stumble to the other car, too, clutching their chest. He could barely feel his body as Tori climbed into the driver’s seat of their car, throwing a worried glance at Vera, who sat motionless in the passenger seat. He felt Sam press against his side.

Someone was still sobbing.


	20. Chapter 20

It was light before they stopped again.

“Anyone need a break?” Tori said quietly. Her hands were tight on the wheel.

“Yeah,” Isaac mumbled.

“Yes please,” Sam said.

She guided the car off the road and Ellis followed suit behind them. Isaac leaned against the door even after the car had come to a stop.

Sam put a hand on his shoulder. “…Isaac?” Their voice was almost a whisper. “Are you okay? We’re stopped…”

He trembled and let his eyes squeeze shut. “Yeah.”

Sam bit their lip. “Do you want to get out?”

After a moment Isaac fumbled his hand along the door handle. The door opened and he nearly toppled into the dirt by the side of the road.

Sam was at his side in seconds. He put out a hand and held them at arm’s length as he stood. “I’m okay,” he whispered. “I need to be okay.”

“It’s okay if you’re not.” Sam’s forehead was furrowed with worry. “Isaac…”

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I know you said you needed space, you don’t need to be taking care of me…”

“I…” Sam took a step back. “I still do need space. But… Isaac, with the hunters… I know it scared you.”

“I can’t stop feeling scared.” Isaac was fighting back tears. “I’m so scared, and sometimes it’s just… it’s too much, and I…” He glanced at Edrissa where she stood beside the other car. She was watching him with wary eyes. He put his face in his hands. “What’s wrong with me?”

“You, um…” Sam glanced at Tori. She was standing protectively between Vera and everyone else. Vera still looked dazed. “Tori says you have PTSD.” They tentatively reached out with one hand. Their fingers brushed gently against Isaac’s arm. “And you… you haven’t forgiven yourself. I thought you were getting better, those months with Tori, but I don’t think you ever let yourself… rest.” Sam took a step closer and brought both their hands to Isaac’s arms. “I don’t think you ever trusted anyone enough to really let yourself heal.”

Isaac looked at Sam. They had tears in their eyes. He ran his tongue over his lip. “Sam, it’s… not because –”

“I know. But you carry so much, Isaac. So much more than just…” They threw a glance over their shoulder at Gavin. He was standing a little away from the others. Unbound. They shivered.

“I almost killed him, Sam. And Edrissa,” Isaac whispered.

“No you didn’t,” Sam said gently. “You wouldn’t have done it.”

Isaac fell silent. _They don’t know. They don’t know how close I came to pulling that trigger on both of them._

Sam’s hand wrapped gently around his wrist. “You need to let yourself heal if you want to be able to help more people.” Then they dropped their voice so Isaac could barely hear them. _“You’re not like him.”_

Isaac shuddered against the rush of guilt and _grief_ that rose up at those words. He shook his head like a dog trying to clear water out of his ears. _Maybe grief is the first step._

He squeezed Sam’s wrist. His eyes went wide when they flinched. He gently took their hands and turned them. There were raw spots on their wrists where they had been struggling against the zip ties during the beating. Isaac’s hands started to shake. His eyes moved over them, really seeing them for the first time since he’d killed the bounty hunter. Their mouth was tight with tension. They winced every time they took a breath. They were slightly hunched over as if it hurt their stomach to straighten up all the way.

“Oh, shit. Sam…”

“I’m okay,” they said, with just a hint of breathlessness.

As if called by Isaac’s thoughts, Finn appeared at their side. They kept their eyes down as they moved their hands over Sam. “I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to check you before we –”

“It’s okay.” They winced as Finn pulled their shirt up. Isaac’s jaw clenched at the bruises that stretched across their torso, angry and purple. Finn’s hands checked Sam quickly and firmly. They pointedly looked away from Isaac.

“Finn.” Isaac bit their lip.

Their hands moved down Sam’s left leg, then the right. “Yeah?”

“Finn, I’m…” His jaw worked against the words that were pushing against his lips. _I’m sorry I lost control. I’m sorry I’m so damned volatile. I’m sorry I blamed you. I’m sorry I’m broken. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…_ He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

Finn froze where they were kneeling in front of Sam. Isaac saw the glimmer of a tear on their tear before they swiped it away and stood up. “’s fine.” They turned to head back to their car.

“No, it’s not.” Isaac followed them and they stopped short. “Look, I…” His throat worked. “I lost control. I’m sorry. I know it’s not your fault what… what happened. I wasn’t trying to blame you, I was just… scared. I needed to know how it happened but I didn’t have to ask like… like _that.”_

Finn stared at the ground beside Isaac, their lip pushed very slightly out into a pout. “Um. Yeah.”

Isaac opened his hands. Relaxed his shoulders. Took a breath. “I know it wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry for yelling, and for… um… what I said. I know that something’s, um.” He cleared his throat again. “Something’s wrong. I know. And I… I’m going to get better.” Finn looked up at him for the first time. “I’m sorry for taking it out on you. It was wrong, it was my fault, and I am going to do my best to never do it again.”

Finn’s eyes were shining with tears. “Do you think, maybe…” they ventured, “you could… trust us? Depend on us?” They licked their lips. “We’re here for you, Isaac. Just like you are for us.” They stepped forward and pulled Isaac into a hug. He wound his arms around them and soaked up their warmth. “I hope you know that.”

“I…” Isaac’s throat worked. “I’m learning that.” 

“Okay,” Finn mumbled against his chest. “Well, I say this as your medic and your friend, and I say it with love… Will you _please_ stop being such a dumbass?”

Isaac chuckled wetly against their hair. “Um. Yeah. Let me work on that.”

“We love you, Isaac. Every single one of us.”

“I know.” He felt a ripple of something moving through his chest as he said it.

“Well, we should…” Finn cleared their throat and stepped back, wiping their face.

“Yeah.” Isaac swiped his hand at the wetness on his face, too. “Thanks, Finn.”

Finn glanced over his shoulder. “Well, except for Gavin, maybe. I don’t think he loves you much. But fuck ‘im.”

Another laugh. This one easier. “Yeah. Fuck ‘im.” He glanced back at his car. Sam, Tori, and Vera had already gotten back in. “How bad is Sam hurt?”

“Well, you saw.” Finn’s jaw worked as they looked at Sam through the rear windshield. “The bruising is pretty bad. I don’t think they broke anything, miraculously. Maybe cracked a few ribs. But…” They rubbed the back of their neck. “I hate to say it quite like this, but if there was life-threatening internal damage they’d be fucking sick right now. And they aren’t. So I think we’re in the clear.”

Isaac glanced at the other car. “How about Gray?”

Finn shook their head slightly. “They popped their stitches and were bleeding a bit, but I got that stopped. Same situation with them. If there was internal bleeding there would be signs. And I’m not seeing any.”

“That’s… that’s good.”

Finn moved their hand through their hair. For a moment they looked so much older than twenty-nine. _They’ve been through so much. They deserve to rest. They feel responsible for others, probably just as much as I do._ Their eyes went wide for just a moment when Isaac put a hand on their shoulder. “Once we get north, we’ll all have time to rest.”

“Yeah,” Finn snorted. “That’s what we thought with Tori’s place.”

Isaac bit his lip. “We should probably get moving. We’ve still got a long way to go.”

“Yeah.” Finn turned and headed for the other car. Isaac walked a little unsteadily to the other car. Tori was staring at him as he closed the door.

“Everything okay?” Her eyebrows were pulled together.

Isaac nodded. “Yup. Just wanted to check with them. Sounds like Gray is –”

“I checked with them. Yeah. Sounds like they’re okay, too.”

Isaac’s mind still felt a little fuzzy. He hadn’t felt right since they’d all been jumped in the woods. He couldn’t quite think fast enough to keep track of everyone. “Right.” He turned his eyes to Vera now, sitting still dazed in the front seat. “You, um.” He chewed his lip. “You alright?”

The car started moving. Vera looked back at him, her face looking haggard with pain. “Um.”

Isaac drew his hand through his hair. “Uh. Stupid question. I’m sorry, I’m not –”

“I remembered more.”

Isaac froze. He looked over at Tori for a moment. Her eyes were filling with tears. “Oh.”

“I remember what he looks like now. I remember him. Um. Hurting me. But I…” Tears were rolling slowly down her face. She didn’t seem to notice. “I remember him holding me. I remember he, um…” She swallowed hard. “After a party one time. He… he cleaned me up. Bandaged my wounds. He um, gave me water and… and held me… He gave me a blanket. Just held me.”

Isaac’s blood ran cold. “A… a _party?”_

Vera’s eyes were still unfocused. “When Joseph would invite his friends over to rape me.” She said it with such clinical detachment that it made Isaac’s stomach heave. Tori gasped out a silent sob. “But I remember him. Ryan.”

“Do you remember what happened to him?” Isaac’s voice was shaking.

“Um.” Her face screwed up in a look of tortured concentration. “I… I… _can’t_ … It’s like it’s still behind a wall. I remember a plan. A plan to get me out. But I… can’t… He was working with some people to get me out but I just… can’t…” She whimpered.

Isaac’s hand shot out towards her before he stopped himself. His hand squeezed into a fist and he sat back against the seat.

“Vera, um…” Sam said in a tentative voice. “It’s okay…”

“I just… can’t… _remember,”_ she whispered. “I don’t know if the people who pulled me out were there because of Ryan. I don’t remember seeing him with them, but… Maybe he was…” She pressed her hands against her forehead. “Agh…”

“It’s okay, babe,” Tori murmured, and stretched a hand out to rest on Vera’s shoulder.

“Do you think it was…” Isaac’s lips twisted. “…being… um… tied up like that? Or when the bounty hunter said… um…”

“It was being tied up like that,” she whispered. “For one of the parties that’s exactly how I was tied up. The first one.”

Isaac shuddered. “There was more than _one?”_

Vera met his gaze with haunted eyes. “I remember at least three.”

He heard Sam whimper beside him and ached to reach for them. _They said they need space. They’ll come to me for comfort when they’re ready._

“I’m so sorry, Vera,” he whispered. “God, I’m… I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay,” she mumbled. Isaac’s head snapped up to look at her, expecting to see a look of submission and fear. Instead he saw blazing eyes and bared teeth. “It’s okay. Because no matter what I remember, no matter what… I killed him. I slaughtered him. Ripped him open. I tasted his fucking _blood.”_ Her lips pulled back in a grin.

An image flashed across Isaac’s mind, of her standing in the waiting room stained with that monster’s blood, quivering with fear and relief and exhaustion. Of her folding into his arms after she’d torn him open with her teeth.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “You did.”

“No matter what.” Vera’s hand rested on Tori’s thigh, her eyes still a little unfocused. “I did that.”


	21. Public Humiliation

Crayton was the town Tori referred to as the “south checkpoint.” It was the southernmost town that was considered, my most people, to be out of syndicate reach. Tori had sent dozens of people through it over the past few months. She’d never been there herself.

None of them had. None of them had been even remotely close to it. None of them could have considered there was a place where people walked the streets alone, unarmed, not worried about being dragged in by syndicate cronies because you made the mistake of standing up to them once. Or being taken because good mechanics or medics or wallpaper-hangers were scarce. Or just being taken as just a pet. A plaything.

That didn’t mean they didn’t have to worry about the people who lived there.

As they passed through neighborhoods in the small suburb, quiet and serene, a car started to follow their little caravan. Then another one pulled up alongside them as soon as the road became two lanes. By the time they reached the city center, another one had joined, just behind the first.

“What are they doing?” Sam swallowed hard as they looked out the window at the cars with their windows darkened nearly to black.

Tori’s hands were tight on the wheel. “They’re escorting us,” she said in a tense voice.

“E-escorting us?” Sam’s eyes got wider.

“These people essentially hold the line for the north, if the syndicates were to ever decide they wanted control up here, too,” Vera murmured, staring straight ahead. “They’re making sure we’re not a threat.”

Isaac ran his tongue over his lips. “It’s alright, Sam.” They turned to him for a moment. “They’re not going to hurt us. They have no reason to.”

“Their reason to is riding in the car behind us,” Vera growled. She kept her gaze forward.

Isaac fell back into the seat. _They’re right. If Gavin decides to act like a dumbass, which is highly likely, we might be shot right alongside him._ His jaw clenched.

“We’ve gone over this,” Tori said as she blew out a slow breath. “They do this with everyone. They’ll stop us in the main square and take us to their town hall for… well, not _processing_ but, you know, to see what our intentions up here are. Where we’re headed. And since they know me, know _of_ me, anyway, the process should go pretty quickly.”

“As long as Gavin doesn’t act like an idiot,” Vera grumbled.

“As long as Gavin doesn’t act like an idiot,” Tori conceded.

They pulled through the last intersection and cleared the buildings along the square. The cars pulled to a stop, and the ones following them followed suit. Two people climbed out of each of the three escort cars. They all had sidearms at their hips.

“As if it’s not obvious,” Tori said calmly over her shoulder, “leave your guns in the car.”

“Yeah.” Isaac nodded. “I figured.”

They slowly opened the doors and stepped out of the car. Isaac kept his hands out and open. Showing he meant no harm. He looked over at the others who’d been in the other car. They all looked as nervous as he felt. Except Gavin. Gavin looked terrified.

_Fuck, I hope he doesn’t get us killed._

Once they’d all gotten their bearings on the road, Gavin had been tied up again and thrown back in the trunk. No sense taking the risk. No sense in dealing with his stupid goddamned face as they made their way north.

A few hours outside of town, though, they’d taken him out. Untied him. Let him ride in the back seat. If they took someone into the town tied up, it would immediately raise questions. At least this way, they might be able to blend in long enough to continue north to a place where they could rest, and where Gray could get settled.

One of the people in the escort cars immediately relaxed when they saw Tori. They turned to the others, and to the small crowd of people that had gathered around the cars already. “This is Tori Nasser,” she said over her shoulder. “This is them.” Everyone seemed to relax a little.

Tori hesitated for just a moment. Her brow furrowed. “…Stephanie?”

The young woman smiled. Half of her mouth didn’t pull quite as high as the other. Isaac noticed a scar running from her throat below her ear, to just shy of the corner of her mouth. “Yeah. It’s me. I made it north. Brian, too. He’s around. The kids are in school right now.”

Tori’s mouth fell open in a delighted smile. “You have a _school_ here? That’s incredible. Stephanie, I am… I’m _so_ relieved you made it. I know the Fosters were hot on your tail for a while.”

“They lost the trail with we stayed with you.” Stephanie stepped forward and pulled Tori into a hug.

Tori wrapped her arms tight around her and laughed with relief. She pulled away and put a hand on the young woman’s shoulder. “Guys, this is Stephanie. She and her husband stayed with me a few years back.” She laced her fingers under her chin and her eyes shone with tears. “I can’t believe…”

“Who else did you bring?” a taller man said. He still seemed a little twitchy. Isaac watched how his hand stayed close to his gun.

Tori sniffed. “Oh. Sorry. Um. This is… Isaac Moore…”

Isaac’s cheeks flushed at the quiet gasp that rose from a few people. He stared at the ground in front of him. Tori’s hand rested on his shoulder for a moment and squeezed. She looked around at the others again. “Sam Vasterling. Finn Dunham, our medic. Ellis Price. Gray Uriah. Vera Novak. My. Um.” Her cheeks flushed bright red and she proudly took Vera’s hand. “My girlfriend.” She looked to Edrissa. “This is Edrissa… Worthington?” Tori frowned. Isaac looked over at Edrissa. She was frozen, her eyes wide and fixed on the crowd of people gathered around.

Tori’s eyes turned at last to Gavin. “And this is —” She stuttered. “This is Jordan.” Isaac swallowed hard. _We agreed on that name to keep us all safe. I hope to Christ it works._

The people who’d gathered moved through the little group, looking curiously, nervously shaking hands. Isaac felt himself quiver and shrink into himself at the light press of bodies. _No one here is hurting me,_ he forced himself to think. _No one here is going to torture me. It’s okay._

He turned to look at Sam. An older woman was standing in front of them, already running her fingers through their curls. Sam’s eyes were half closed and they were smiling. _She’s going to have adopted them by the end of that conversation._ Isaac couldn’t help but smile.

His stomach sank as he saw the nervous-looking man from before staring at Gavin with murder in his eyes. The man spat through clenched teeth, “you’ve got a Stormbeck in your crew.”

_Fuck._

Isaac found himself falling back a step. Standing between the man and Gavin. Reaching for his gun. It was tucked away safely beneath his seat in the car.

Everyone had stopped greeting the crew with friendly faces and had now to a man turned towards them with distrust and fear in their eyes. Anger twisted a few faces. _Fuck. We’re dead._

The man strode forward a few steps towards Gavin and again, Isaac found himself putting himself between him and Gavin.

The man drew his sidearm. “I don’t give a _fuck_ who you are, _Isaac Moore._ You’ve got a Stormbeck with you and in my opinion that’s reason enough to kill you right fucking here.”

“Stand down, Lucius,” another man from the armed ground said gently. He walked behind Lucius and stepped to his side, looking evenly at Isaac. His temples were silvered and he had calm, piercing blue eyes that passed over Isaac once. Surveying him. Isaac jolted with a realization. _Looking for weapons._ Then the man stepped around Isaac towards Gavin.

Isaac moved towards Gavin again, and Lucius’s hand twitched on his gun. Isaac froze. He turned slowly and watched as the other man approached Gavin. He spoke with a calm voice. Perfectly in control. And clearly very much in charge.

“What’s your name?” His blue eyes moved over Gavin’s face, over the scars. Over the fresh bruises Isaac had made days ago.

Gavin’s lips trembled as he answered. “Um. J-Jordan, sir.” Scared as he was, Isaac had to suppress an eye-roll. _Now you start treating people with respect._

The man tilted his head. “Hm.” He looked at Gavin closer, at his eyes. His jaw. The man’s eyes moved over the shape of Gavin’s hands. His build. Looking, clearly, for someone else in how Gavin stood. He took a step closer. Isaac’s stomach tightened. “So you’re _not_ related to the late Joseph Stormbeck?”

Isaac could see Gavin’s lip tighten, his eyes go a little wide and then a little narrow. Tears shone for a moment before he could blink them away. Gavin’s breath froze in his chest.

The man’s demeanor changed completely. He turned back to the others. “I agree, Lucius. This is more than just a _very_ unfortunate, random resemblance.” He nodded at his entourage. “Take him.”

_“No.”_ No one could have been more surprised than Isaac as the word left his lips. Before he could move, Lucius had his gun halfway up to Isaac’s chest.

“If you’re harboring a Stormbeck, if you brought him _here,”_ he snarled, “you should die right alongside him.”

The other people had descended on Gavin. They dragged him away from the cars and further into the square. He writhed against their grip and screamed in terror. _“NO!_ No, please… no… oh god…”

_“No!”_ Isaac shouted. “He’s with us now! He changed sides! He’s not syndicate anymore.”

“If his name’s Stormbeck, he’ll _always_ be syndicate,” a woman hissed at him.

Two men dragged Gavin up against a light pole and threw him against it. Gavin fell to his knees, gasping. They jerked him to his feet again.

Someone had produced a short length of cord from a pocket. The men pulled Gavin’s arms behind the pole and wound the cord around Gavin’s wrists. He sagged as they stepped away. Someone broke rank from the crowd and slapped him across the face. Another darted forward to spit on him. Someone else stepped forward and drilled a punch into his abdomen. Gavin gasped and fell to his knees.

_“Hang him!”_ someone screamed.

_“No!”_ Gray tried to shout over the crowd. “We brought him north under our protection! He’s working with us!” They pressed a hand to their chest and coughed. Finn was at their side in an instant and tried to pull them away from the fray.

“Please!” Sam begged. “Please! They’re telling the truth. He’s good now. He’s… he’s trying.”

Someone shoved Sam back and they nearly fell. Rage curdled in Isaac’s chest and he stepped forward, between Sam and the person who was now advancing on them. The man paled and fell a step back when he saw the dark, seething violence barely contained in Isaac’s quivering frame.

_“NO!”_ Gavin shrieked. Isaac spun to look at him. His stomach dropped.

Someone had returned with a length of rope. He watched as a man tossed one end up and over the light post. Gavin flinched as the end hit him in the face as it came down. The man pulled the end down and tied a noose into the end.

Isaac lurched forward. _“No,”_ he growled. “He’s with _us._ He’s _our_ spy. You can’t kill our fucking _spy.”_

That made the man in charge pause and turn. “Your… _spy?”_

Isaac gritted his teeth. “That’s right.”

The man snorted. “You can’t possibly ask me to believe that this boy, who I strongly suspect is Gavin Stormbeck, has been torturing, mutilating, and killing people for years and it’s all because he’s been a _spy_ for you?”

Isaac swallowed, but didn’t back down. “He’s the reason we made it here. He warned us about spies in Beringer. He told us about syndicate checkpoints on the way up. He…” His voice faltered for a moment. “He helped us escape some bounty hunters on the way here. He _killed_ one for us.”

The man’s lip curled. “That means nothing. All that could mean is that he’s trying to gain your trust and you _gave it to him.”_

_“Look at him!”_ Isaac screamed. “He’s broken. One of mine _broke him._ And he’s under our protection now.” He threw a glance back at Gavin. The noose was around his neck. _“NO!”_

He lunged forward and threw himself against the rope. It nearly lifted the man on the other end off the ground. His hands fumbled at Gavin’s neck as he tried to loosen the knot. Hands closed on him and dragged him away from Gavin. The rope was pulled tight around Gavin’s neck.

Gavin tried to cry out but the rope tightened around his throat. Tears streamed from his eyes and his mouth gaped open, desperate for air. Isaac was forced to his knees. His hands were pulled behind his back.

“Please,” he begged. “He’s our best hope of winning now. You’re killing your best asset.”

The rope tightened further. Gavin jerked in panic.

A gunshot rang out.

A few people screamed. Everyone froze and turned towards the direction of the gunshot behind them.

Tori was standing in front of the ground, Isaac’s weapon held tight in a shaking hand. The man’s entourage all drew their weapons and raised them halfway at Tori.

The was trembling and pale. “Oh, _go ahead,”_ she snapped. “You’re gonna kill me? Go ahead.”

“No,” Vera whispered. Isaac glanced at her and saw that she was also on her knees a few feet to his left.

Tori grit her teeth. _“I’m_ the reason there’s an organized system to get refugees north. _I’m_ the one who sends your families to you. Go ahead and shoot.” Sweat shimmered on her skin. She looked like the was on the verge of falling over. _She’s about to panic. Or pass out._

She pointed at Gavin. He quivered on the pole, gasping around the rope. _“He_ got us here. Yeah, he’s a murderer and a bastard and a psychopath but _we_ broke him.” Her eyes flicked to Vera. _“We_ made him understand what it was to be hurt. To be afraid. Vera killed Joseph Stormbeck in front of him. Vera _shot_ him. And he can’t be the way he was anymore.”

The man in charge stepped forward, tension trembling beneath his calm. “What do you mean, he _can’t?”_

“He can’t stand the smell of blood. Can’t stand to think about hurting people. His family cut him off, kicked him out. He works with _us_ now.” Her voice was a little stronger.

The man paused, calculating. He turned back to Gavin. “Let me see.” He snapped at the men holding Isaac. “Get him up.”

Isaac realized what they were going to do. He let them do it. _If they see, we might get out of this alive._

“Gordon, let go of that rope. For Christ’s sake.” The rope loosened around Gavin’s neck. He dragged in a broken gasp.

The men holding Isaac pulled his right arm in front of him. One drew a knife from his pocket. Isaac’s stomach clenched at the sight of the blade. _Gavin’s not holding it. I’m not going to be tortured. They just need blood._ He forced himself to blow out a slow breath.

“No no no,” Gavin whimpered. “No, please, I’ll –”

“Quiet.”

Gavin didn’t stop. “You don’t have to do that, please, don’t…”

The man slapped him across the face. “I said _quiet.”_ Gavin sagged, sobbing. He had red marks around his neck.

The man pressed the blade to Isaac’s arm and cut. He gasped in a breath and bit his lip. His vision swam for a moment. _I have to do this, or they’ll never believe us. They’re going to kill us all._ The pain made him feel dizzy, slippery. Like he was going to slide right out of his body. Blood ran freely and began to drip from his hand.

The men forced him forward and shoved his arm into Gavin’s face. He cried out and turned away. A hand grabbed his hair and forced his head towards the blood. He held his breath. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

The man chuckled. “If you insist on holding your breath, we will just wait until you pass out and do this again. Another cut. Another time.”

Gavin whimpered. He squeezed his eyes shut. Breathed.

Isaac could see the change almost immediately. Gavin’s eyes went wide and he went rigid against the pole. His breathing sped up, catching in his chest, moving the wound there. He started to heave with sobs.

“P-ple-ease,” he whimpered. “N-no…” He hiccoughed and gagged. Isaac pulled away and the others jumped back.

Gavin fell to his knees and retched on the ground. He bawled like a child. “I’m so-orry,” he slurred. “Pl-please…”

The man was watching Gavin with raw fascination on his face. Isaac’s eyes snapped between him and Gavin. Blood dripped from his fingers. “Interesting.”

“That’s what I told you.” Tori’s voice was at his shoulder. Brought him back a little. He shook himself. “We broke him, and he’s with us now.”

“What, like a…” One of the guards’ faces twisted. “…like a _pet?”_

The look of loathing that crossed Tori’s face made the man wither. Isaac’s lips pulled back over his teeth. “Say that word again,” he growled. The man fell a step back.

The man in charge turned to Isaac. “Very well. I’m convinced.” A weak cry of protest rose up and died just as quickly when he raised his hand. “As long as you’re here, though, he will _not_ have free rein of the city. You will keep him in your custody. If your custody does not satisfy me, I will make other arrangements.”

“What the hell do you think we’ve been doing on the way up here?” Isaac snarled.

The man turned and leveled his gaze at him. “He was completely unrestrained when you arrived, like he was one of you. _Don’t_ try to pretend that wasn’t to avoid suspicion.”

Isaac clenched his jaw shut and returned his gaze.

The man turned to Gavin. He was still kneeling on the ground, his hands bound behind the pole, trembling. Sweating. Completely unraveled. The man grasped his hair and pulled his head up. “Look at me, syndicate boy.” Gavin raised glazed eyes to him. “If you betray us, lead any of your family to us, in any way jeopardize a single life during your time in our territory…” He crouched and brought his face close to Gavin’s. “…I will break you in ways even your twisted mind can’t even imagine. Do I make myself _perfectly_ clear?”

Gavin nodded vigorously against the man’s grip. “Yes. Yes, I understand. I swear to god I… I won’t…”

“Swear to whomever you wish,” the man said, his voice dropping lower. His eyes moved over Gavin’s face. Then he stood. He sighed. “Tori Nasser and her group are welcome here. They are taking responsibility for this one.” He gestured to Gavin. “No one is to harm them or obstruct their movement when they choose to leave.” He turned in a circle and stopped finally in front of Tori. “And if you are wrong, if he has somehow deceived you and I, I will hold you –” His eyes narrowed at her. “—and your family _personally_ responsible. And you will break right alongside him.”

Vera struggled on the ground, still held by the man’s guards. She bared her teeth at him at the threat.

Tori lifted her chin and met his eyes. She looked like her old self before Gavin had tortured her. Strong. “We risked worse than you to get here,” she murmured. “And he’s with us.”

The man stared her down for a moment. Tilted his head. Stepped away. Smiled a little. He motioned to the men still holding Isaac and pinning Vera on her knees, and they were released. Isaac looked around and saw Finn and Ellis had been held, too. Sam was clinging tightly to Gray. Gray’s head was bent. They were working to breathe.

“My name is Daniel Schiester,” he said loudly enough for the group to hear. “Welcome to Crayton.”


	22. Caning

“Daniel!” came a woman’s voice. Harried. Isaac looked around and saw a woman with hard eyes pushing through the small crowd towards them. “Daniel.” She reached them and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re going to just… let them go?”

Daniel tilted his head. “Yes, Mable. I’m going to just let them go.”

“But _this one –”_ She flung her hand in Gavin’s direction. He was still on his knees, shivering, sobbing. _“—this one_ has done… _terrible_ things… you’ve heard the stories…”

“I have.” Daniel nodded. “But they’ve broken him. Look at him.” Daniel glanced down at where Gavin was quivering. “He could do so much good for us now.”

The woman’s eyes filled with tears. “You know what he does,” she whispered. “You know he… he tortures people, _kills_ them, Daniel…” She turned to Gavin with fury in her eyes. “How many _playthings_ have you had, Stormbeck _shit?”_

Gavin sniffled and shuddered. He didn’t look up at the woman. “Twenty –” His voice broke. “He swallowed. “Twenty-three.” He turned his head up to Isaac. Met his eyes a moment. Looked back down. Looked _ashamed._ “Twenty-four, including him.”

Isaac’s cheeks burned as everyone’s eyes seemed to snap to him at once. He bit down on his tongue.

Daniel was staring at him with a new light in his eyes. “You… he tortured _you?”_

Isaac felt the shadow of the knife, the ghost of the whip. He shuffled his feet. He said nothing.

Daniel tilted his head. “So the rumors are true.”

Isaac swallowed. “What rumors?”

“That you were held. Tortured. That you escaped Stormbeck captivity. I knew you’re the one who marked up his face like that, but…” He smiled and dipped his head a little. “…you did that from _within his captivity?”_ His mouth pulled into a wider grin. “You’re the first person I’ve ever heard to escape Gavin Stormbeck.”

His eyes flicked to Sam, still clinging to Gray. “I’m _not_ the only one.”

Daniel turned to look for Vera. “And _you_ killed Joseph Stormbeck? _You_ shot this one?” He motioned to Gavin.

Vera took a step forward. “Yes,” she growled.

Daniel was grinning wide now. “Interesting.” He flicked a hand at Gavin. “Cut him loose. He’s with them.”

_“No,”_ Mable said with tears in her voice. “Daniel, you have to… you have to do… _something…”_

The man rocked back on his heels and bit his lip. He looked at the ground for a moment. Then up at Gray. They were still gasping softly. “You’re the leader of your group?”

They nodded weakly. “Yes,” they breathed.

“I do think it appropriate that this one be punished for his crimes, at the very least.”

“No,” Gavin moaned from where he knelt on the ground. “Please…”

“Quiet,” Daniel spat at him. His eyes were fixed on Gray. “I do not feel content with sending you all along without seeing _some_ kind of justice dispensed.”

Isaac’s body flared with pain again. He felt the knife, the whip, the burns. He felt a deep ache in his thumb where he had dislocated it. He saw Sam, tottering on that chair. Sam, aiming a gun at his heart because Gavin had convinced them Isaac was there to hurt him. He saw the blankness in Vera’s eyes after he’d claimed her – He remembered that now. Gavin had _claimed her._ _“You belong to me now.”_ A dark curl of rage twisted his gut. _There is no justice for that._

Gray sagged a little. Finn appeared at their elbow again. Their eyes were wide with worry and their hands jerked slightly towards them.

“You want me to dispense justice to him?” Gray asked, a little sardonically.

Daniel’s lips twisted. “He can never be fully brought to justice if you insist on keeping him alive. So yes. I do want _some_ kind of justice, but it will be meager compared to the damage he’s done.”

Gray set their jaw. Isaac saw a small bloom of red on their shirt over their wound. His stomach lurched in worry. _I hope they have what Finn needs up here to fix them up._ He watched Daniel’s eyes flick to the spot, too. “Alright. I can do it. Meager justice. Thirty lashes.”

“Fifty,” Daniel said evenly. He snapped at one of his entourage. “Get them a cane.” One of them jogged off immediately.

“No,” sobbed Gavin. “No, please…”

Daniel stepped around the puddle of Gavin’s sick and dragged him halfway off his knees by his hair. “Do you believe you deserve less, Gavin Stormbeck? For ending twenty-three lives for your own pleasure? For torturing him?” He pointed at Isaac.

Isaac stepped forward with bitter rage still curdling in his gut. “You don’t speak for me,” he growled at Daniel.

Daniel released Gavin’s hair and stood, his eyes fixed on Isaac in a bemused expression. He licked his lips and tilted his head. “My apologies.” He threw a glance around at the crowd and gestured to no one in particular. “Get him up. Turn him so his back is to me and bind him again.”

Two people moved forward and yanked Gavin roughly to his feet. He sobbed piteously. “Please,” he begged. “Please don’t do this, I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Daniel snorted. “He’s _sorry,”_ he muttered, almost to himself. Someone returned with the cane and put it in Gray’s hand. Their fingers curled around it as they looked down its length.

The men cut the cord tying Gavin’s wrists behind the pole and wrestled him around to face it. They moved him away from the puddle of sick so they wouldn’t have to stand in it. They pulled his arms around the pole and tied his wrists together again.

“Please don’t do this!” Gavin sobbed, his voice rising. “No no no… _no…”_

Daniel turned to Gray. “Fifty lashes.” He gestured at Gray’s chest. “Are you in a condition to administer them? I could have one of my people –”

“No,” Gray said, a little breathlessly. “He’s with us. I’m going to do it.” They stepped away from Daniel and behind Gavin.

Now that Gavin had been moved around the pole away from the mess, everyone could see his face. It was streaked with tears and pale, except for the bruises Isaac had left there. He was begging wordlessly now, cringing into the pole and away from Gray behind him. Isaac felt twin sensations rising in him as he stared at Gavin.

He felt a cruel rush of satisfaction. _He tortured me for five days. Sam for three. He hurt every single person I love. He shot Gray. He brought his father in so they could own and hurt Vera together. He tortured Tori just for being our friend. He hurt Finn and taunted Ellis about their family. He killed_ twenty-three people _before he ever got his hands on Sam._ His heart sped up and he felt a warmth pooling in his gut as he stared at Gavin’s terror.

Then… He knew exactly how it felt to be bound, hurt, about to be tortured. Because that’s what this was: torture. He knew exactly how it felt to be told how and for how long he was going to suffer. He knew the terror that preceded agony. He knew the humiliation that came from having your power stripped away.

And Gavin’s humiliation would come in front of a crowd of people who were thirsting for his blood.

Rancor spiked in him again. _Maybe we should make Gavin count the lashes for us._

Behind Gavin, Gray’s eyes squeezed shut as their hand tightened around the cane. They took in a deep breath and winced. They drew their arm back and brought the cane down on Gavin’s back.

Gavin jerked and cried out. To his credit, he stayed on his feet. Isaac threw a glance at Vera and saw her standing stock still, her hands by her sides and bunched into fists. Isaac moved to her side.

“You okay?” he said quietly.

She jumped slightly and nodded. “Yup.”

He chewed his lip. “You don’t have to –”

“I do.” Her eyes were swimming with tears. “I do.” Tori appeared at her other side and wrapped her arms around Vera’s waist. Isaac turned back to Gavin.

Gray struck Gavin again. He screamed, a little longer this time. Tears poured down his face.

Again. A wail drew out long and tortured from his mouth.

Again. After his cry had tied on his lips, his mouth stayed pulled open in a silent scream.

Again. Gavin jerked forward, clutching the pole like it was a lifeline.

Again and again, Gray beat him. Brought the cane back and down again on Gavin’s back. Over and over. Gavin fell to his knees, sobbing and shaking. Isaac bit his lip. Gray was gasping, one hand held now to their chest. Sweat shimmered on their skin.

Finn was looking at Gray almost desperately, wringing their hands, flinching with every blow as they watched Gray’s face screw up in pain in time with Gavin’s. Isaac couldn’t hear them over Gavin’s screams, but he knew they were in pain. _I can’t let this happen. I can’t let Gray hurt themselves for Gavin._

He stepped forward. Gray froze with their hand suspended in the air, the cane shaking in their grip. He moved to Gray’s side. “How many is that?” he asked Gray under his breath.

“Eighteen,” Gray panted. Their face was drawn with pain, and pale. Gavin looked behind him to see why the beating had stopped, a look of painful hope on his face. He sagged as he saw Isaac reaching for the cane and pressed his forehead against the pole.

“Let me finish,” Isaac murmured.

Gray shook their head, keeping their eyes fixed on Gavin. “No, Isaac. This is my responsibility. I don’t want you to –”

“Gray,” Isaac said softly. “You’re hurt. Let me.”

Gray paused for a moment. Looked at Isaac. They searched his face for a moment, perhaps looking for fury. Rage. Bitterness. Looking, perhaps, for evidence that Isaac would use the opportunity to kill Gavin. Isaac met Gray’s gaze steadily. They sagged and passed the cane to Isaac. “Don’t kill him,” they said breathlessly. They stumbled back a step.

Finn darted forward and nearly had to catch Gray as they staggered. “We’re going,” Finn hissed. “I need to see to you.” Gray nodded and let themselves be led away.

Gavin was weeping now, shaking his head helplessly where he knelt. “I’m sorry, Isaac,” he sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I don’t want to die…”

“You’re not going to die from this,” Isaac said through clenched teeth. _How many times did he beat Tori? How many times did his father beat Vera?_

“No no no _no no no…”_ Gavin was quaking in dirt, sweat darkening the shirt he wore. Faint lines of blood stained the shirt in stripes across his back. Isaac’s stomach burned to see it. He raised his hand to strike Gavin and stopped as he saw Sam walk slowly towards him.

“Sam,” he said weakly. “What –”

“How many more does he have to go?” Sam asked softly once they reached Isaac’s side.

“Thirty-two.” Isaac’s forehead creased with confusion.

Sam nodded once. They stepped to Gavin’s left and knelt down in the dirt with him. They put their hand gently on Gavin’s shoulder. He flinched as they touched him, and sobbed harder when he met their eyes. Sam looked at Isaac and nodded again.

“Sam,” he said and licked his lips. “Move. I can’t –”

“You won’t hit me,” they said confidently. “It’s alright. I’ll stay out of the way.”

“Sam –” Isaac tried again.

“It’s alright, Isaac,” they murmured. “I trust you. Do it.”

Isaac adjusted his grip on the cane. He bit the inside of his cheek. Looked at Gavin. Looked at Sam. He raised his arm and struck.

Gavin screamed at the blow, sagging against the pole. “Please,” he begged. “Please, no no no no…”

“You only have thirty-one more to go,” Sam said softly. “It’s alright.”

Isaac’s heart dropped in his chest. Tears pricked at his eyes as Sam glanced up at him with their wide brown eyes, innocent and sweet and _good._ _This is why I went to Gavin in their place. This is why I would die for them, right here, if someone asked it._ He swallowed the lump in his throat. He raised his hand and brought the cane down on Gavin.

He shuddered under the blow. “Thirty,” Sam said quietly. “Thirty, Gavin. You can do it.”

Another. Gavin writhed against the cord tying his wrists, trying to escape the pain. Sam touched his shoulder again. “Twenty-nine.” They pulled their hand away. Isaac brought his hand up.

Again. Sam was already talking to Gavin through his screams. “Twenty-eight, Gavin. You’re alright.”

“No no no no…” He whimpered. “Please…”

Again. “No!” Gavin shrieked. “Sam, please,” he moaned. “Sam… please…”

Sam’s eyes were shining with tears. “Twenty-seven.”

Again. Gavin was weeping in ugly, wracking sobs. “No no no…” He pressed his shoulder against the pole.

“Twenty-six,” Sam said softly. “Remember, you’ve done this to other people. You did this to Tori.” Their voice carried no anger. No judgement. Just a simple statement of truth.

Again. Gavin jerked hard against the pole, making a dull thud. “I know,” he whined. “I know I did. I’m sorry.”

“Twenty-five.” Sam’s hand rested gently on Gavin’s forearm. “You’re halfway done.”

Again. Isaac’s hand was tingling from the blows. Tears were burning in his eyes. “Twenty-four,” came Sam’s soft voice.

Again. More marks were soaking through Gavin’s shirt, crossing over his back. Isaac’s skin ached from the memory of the whip. Over and over, Gavin had beat him. Whipped him. _He deserves so much worse than this._

“Twenty-three,” Sam said gently. Gavin had his head turned so he could look at them. His eyes bored into theirs like they were the only thing keeping him alive. Keeping him sane. He whimpered.

Again. “Twenty-two.” Isaac watched Sam, watched their softness, their gentleness. _He broke us both, and yet Sam is showing him mercy. Sam is forgiving. Sam is good._

Again. “Twenty-one.” The world tunneled away. The only thing that felt real was the cane in Isaac’s hand, the man kneeling on the ground taking the blows, and Sam. Sam, with their gentleness. Guiding Gavin through the pain. Isaac could barely hear them over Gavin’s screams but Sam was like a lifeline to him, too, as he drew Gavin’s blood.

Again. “Twenty, Gavin. Only twenty left. You’re going to survive this.”

Again. Isaac didn’t try to stop the tears now. _Even though Gavin made them suffer, made them betray us, made them beg me to hurt them just to save my life… they’re kneeling in the dirt right alongside him. Helping him._

“Nineteen.” Sam’s hand still rested gently on Gavin’s forearm. The pole was the only thing holding him up now.

Again. “Eighteen.” Gavin’s cries sounded like they were being torn from the center of him. Still, he kept his eyes fixed on Sam.

Again. “Seventeen. Just breathe. I know it hurts.”

Again. _They know exactly how much this hurts. They felt this pain by Gavin’s hand._ “Sixteen. It’s alright, Gavin.”

Again. Gavin’s sobs were shaking his chest.

“Fifteen. Breathe, Gavin. Breathe in.” More stripes of blood across Gavin’s shirt. Isaac didn’t want to know what it looked like underneath.

Again. “Fourteen. There you go. You can do this.” Gavin was slumped against the pole, staring at Sam as if he would die if he looked away even for a moment. Isaac’s shoulder ached.

Again. “Thirteen.” _After this, he won’t want to help us anymore. We’re ruining our only chance to make him useful._ I _am ruining it._

Again. “Twelve.” Sam’s hand went to Gavin’s and squeezed. Gavin squeezed weakly back.

Again. “Eleven.” Gavin’s screams barely sounded human anymore. Something shifted inside of Isaac.

Again. “Ten. Last ten, Gavin. You’re almost finished.” Gavin nodded weakly, his cry fading to a whimper.

Again. “Nine. Keep breathing, Gavin. You’re almost there.” Gavin was sagging down, not even holding on to the pole anymore. Isaac swallowed.

Again. “Eight.” Gavin’s scream was softer, as if his body had made it without his mind giving the order.

Again. “Seven.” Gavin’s head fell against his arm. Sam looked up at Isaac with worry across their face. _He’s going to faint._

Again. “Six. You’re alright, Gavin. Stay awake.” Gavin’s head moved weakly from side to side, rolling on his arm.

Again. “Five.” Gavin didn’t even scream. A low moan slipped from his mouth.

Again. “Four.” His body jerked, and he slid a little farther down the pole until he was bent in half at the waist.

Again. “Th-three.” Sam’s eyes were wide as they looked up at Isaac. He set his jaw and raised his hand.

Again. “Two. Gavin?” Sam lifted his head in their hands. It bobbled weakly on his neck. Isaac swallowed hard and lifted the cane.

Again. “Gavin? Last one. Gavin? Are you awake?”

Isaac brought the cane down on Gavin’s back with a _snap._ Gavin jerked mindlessly against the pole. Isaac stood behind him, shaking, the cane still held tight in his fist. His breath was coming harder and he felt a sob building in his throat.

“Gavin.” Sam was shaking his shoulder. “Gavin? Wake up.”

The cane fell from Isaac’s hand and clattered to the ground. His legs were shaking under him and there was a band constricting in his chest. Gavin’s shirt was a mess of red stripes now, and Isaac could see some marks where the blood had started to run. The world tunneled back out and he could hear the noises of the crowd around him, the snickers, a few people clapping. He could hear Gavin’s labored gasps as he slowly stirred against the pole, whimpering. He could feel the stinging in his hand from how hard he’d been striking Gavin. He very nearly fell to his knees.

_Why do I feel so fucking guilty?_

He lurched forward and fumbled at the cord around Gavin’s wrists. Gavin was limp against the pole, his face dripping sweat and tears. His mouth hung open and his lips trembled. His eyes were halfway shut and glazed over. _Shit. He’ll never help us after this. He’s going to fucking betray us, because I did this to him._ Isaac swallowed hard. _These people would never have let us go if I hadn’t._

As the cord came away from Gavin’s wrists he slumped to the side. Isaac caught him just before he hit the ground. Gavin’s wrists were rubbed raw and bleeding, the skin torn open in some places from how hard he had struggled.

Isaac felt someone at his side and he glanced up to see Ellis. He didn’t see the expression on their face that he expected: satisfaction. Instead, he saw revulsion. Horror. _They watched me do this to him._ Vera appeared at his other side.

“Let’s get him somewhere away from all these people,” she said under her breath. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Do we have anywhere else to go?” he hissed. “No one is going to let us stay anywhere near them.”

“I have a house set up for us already,” Tori said from behind him. “It’s near the other side of town. Out of the way. Stephanie gave me the key.” She dangled it out in front of her. She was staring at Gavin as she said it. She was pale and shaking.

“Gray and Finn are already in the car,” Vera said softly. “Finn’s fixing them up. Gray just tore their stitches again. I swear, if they don’t take it easy Finn is going to kill them.”

“Help me get him up.” Isaac looped his arms under Gavin’s armpits and around his chest. Gavin cried out as Isaac pressed against the split flesh of his back. Isaac winced.

Vera stepped forward to take Gavin’s legs. They stood and began to carry him to the car.

As they passed through the crowd, a few people threw taunts in their direction. “Syndicate filth.” “Serves the fucker right.” “He’s lucky we didn’t tear him apart.” Someone spat at Gavin as they walked past carrying him. Isaac kept his eyes fixed on the car and kept walking.

Once they reached the car, Tori pulled the door open. Isaac eased Gavin against the back seat and let him slump to the side until he was lying across the seat. Isaac closed the door to the sound of Gavin’s whimper. He turned and saw Daniel standing just a few feet away. His lips were quirked into a smile.

“I must admit, watching justice dispensed to Gavin Stormbeck felt better than I anticipated. Now, as long as you stay here, you will not be bothered by my people. I expect you to keep him under your guard until you leave.”

“I know,” Isaac snapped. He could feel Gavin’s blood cooling on the front of his shirt. He pushed down the fury that had risen in him. “Thank you. For your hospitality. We will not cause any problems for you. I promise.”

The man smiled wider. “I trust you won’t.” He turned back to the crowd and waved his arms as if to disperse them.

Isaac was shaking as he made his way to the driver’s seat. Sam climbed into the passenger seat, and Vera and Tori made their way to the back. Vera pushed Gavin upright to make room for them and propped him against the window. Isaac didn’t even wait to see if the others got into their car before he pulled away from the square. He made it a few blocks before he realized he didn’t know where he was going.

“Tori, where –”

“You’re going the right direction. I’ll tell you when to turn.” Her voice sounded thin. Frightened.

He nodded, his hands tight on the steering wheel. “Well,” he said softly. “At least we’re all still alive.” He threw a glance in the rearview mirror. Gavin’s eyes were open. He was crying.


	23. Grief/mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan Reveal: Part 1

Tori’s hand closed around the doorknob and she paused for a moment. _Once I open this door, I can’t undo what happens. I can’t unknow what I learn. And I can’t take back what I say._ She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed it open.

Gray was lying on the couch with Finn hovering beside them, wringing their hands, checking Gray’s wound every few seconds. Gray gently pushed Finn away as they saw Tori walk in and sat themselves up a little, wincing as they did. Tori’s eyes flicked to Sam and Isaac in the kitchen. They both turned when they heard her walk in. No one else was in the front room.

She licked her lips. “Where’s Edrissa?”

A flicker of fear passed over Isaac’s face. “In her room. Why?”

Tori set her jaw. “I need to talk to her.”

The temperature in the room seemed to drop.

Isaac carefully made his way out of the kitchen to stand in front of Tori. He pitched his voice low. “What is it? Is she…?” His throat worked. “Is she…?”

Tori’s eyes narrowed as she realized what Isaac was asking. “She’s not syndicate,” she said under her breath. “No. She’s not a spy or anything. I just…” She bit her lip and looked around at the others. All their eyes were on her. “I went to talk to Daniel Schiester. To smooth things over and give him our information.” Her jaw jutted forward. “Turns out he’s the mayor here. Seems to enjoy quite a bit of control.” She pushed down a flare of frustration. “Anyway, I got us registered with their town hall and um… someone recognized Edrissa in the square. He didn’t say anything while we were all there, but he found me and asked me about her. I just… have some questions. I need to talk to her.”

“Do you mind doing it in here, where we can hear?” Isaac’s face was tense with suspicion.

Tori shook her head. “Not at all. I’ll get her.”

She made her way down the hall further into the house.

It was a sprawling ranch-style house with plenty of bedrooms for them. It bore the marks of heavy traffic; scuffs marked the walls and doorways, the aging carpet was bare in some places, and there was more than one mural scribbled on the paint where a young child had decided to express their creativity. It made Tori smile.

Her face fell again as she reached Edrissa’s door. Her heart clenched and she raised her hand to knock.

She heard rustling behind the door and soft footsteps. The lock turned and the door opened. Edrissa looked out at Tori with wary eyes.

“Hey, honey,” Tori said gently. “I want to talk to you about something. Can you come out to the living room?”

Edrissa immediately went pale and cringed behind the door. Her eyes flicked past Tori once, twice, calculating how far she could make it before she got caught. Tori put her hands up and stepped away from the door.

“Hey. You’re not in trouble. I just need to talk to you. Okay? You’re not in trouble. We’re not…” The words died on her lips. “We’re not going to hurt you.”

Edrissa swallowed loudly and wrapped her arms around herself. Tori turned and walked to the living room. Edrissa followed along behind, her head bowed like she was walking to her execution.

Everyone turned when they heard Tori walk back in. She went to an empty couch and sat, placing her hand on the cushion next to her. Edrissa’s eyes moved warily over everyone as she sat down, huddled on the edge of the couch, as far away from everyone as she could possibly be.

Tori looked around at the others and cleared her throat. She took a deep breath and looked squarely at Edrissa. “Edrissa, honey, you told the bounty hunters your name was Edrissa Worthington.”

Edrissa’s eyes went wide and she shot up on the couch, bracing as if to run. Isaac flinched and his hand went unconsciously to his waistband. To his gun. It wasn’t there. Edrissa sank miserably back to the cushions.

“Hey, sweetie, I told you you’re not in trouble,” Tori said soothingly. “Okay? We just want to know. Worthington isn’t actually your name, is it?”

Edrissa’s eyes were huge and filled with tears. She trembled as she pulled her arms tighter around herself, eyes darting to each person in the room in turn. Her breathing was fast and shallow and a tear rolled down her cheek. “Um…”

“It’s alright, honey,” Tori murmured, her voice low and steady, like she was talking to a frightened animal in a cage. “We aren’t going to hurt you. We just need to know.”

Edrissa’s breath caught in a sob. Her eyes finally rested on Isaac in a look that said _he’ll be the one to hurt me. Have to watch him._ “No,” she whispered.

Tori held her face and voice perfectly neutral, the way she’d done with her family when they’d all arrived on her doorstep months ago, broken in varying degrees. “Okay. What’s your real name? Can you tell us?”

Edrissa stared at Isaac. “I…” She shook her head. “I don’t have that name anymore… I’m… I’m nameless. I’m a plaything. I’m… I’m nothing…”

Tori couldn’t conceal the tremor in her voice. “Oh.” She licked her lips. “No, Edrissa. You’ll never be that again. You’re here with us, now. Free. You don’t belong to us. What was the name you had before?” Her gaze flicked to Isaac and she stared at him, silently urging him to back down. He shrank back. Let his hands fall subtly at his sides, open. Empty. He looked at the floor.

“Please…” Edrissa whimpered. “Please, I don’t want to get in trouble.” She was crying now, openly, with tears rolling down her cheeks and into her lap.

Tori pushed down the urge to go to her and pull her into an embrace. She pushed down her own tears and tried again. “Edrissa… I might have news about your brother.”

Edrissa’s eyebrows shut up and her mouth fell open. Her arms unwound from her chest and she leaned forward, gripping the cushions. “Micah?” she breathed.

Tori’s heart sank. She folded her hands on her lap. “Edrissa, I need to know your last name.”

“Clark,” she said, nearly tripping over the word. “My name is Edrissa Clark. Is Micah alive? Did he, did he make it? Is he alive?”

Tori looked at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears brimming in her own eyes from falling. “No, honey. Um…” She pushed a slow breath between her lips. “Micah was killed.”

Edrissa collapsed. It looked like the core of her had shattered, and there was nothing holding her up now. She dissolved into sobs, pressing her hands against her mouth, bending forward at the waist until her forehead nearly pressed against the cushions.

_“No,”_ she moaned, and her voice broke. “No… Micah… _no…”_ She dragged in a shuddering gasp and wailed, a terrible keening sound that tore at Tori’s heart.

Tori pressed a hand to her lips and tried to force her tears down. “I’m so sorry, honey,” she whispered. She cleared her throat. “I’m so sorry. Someone in the crowd thought you looked familiar –”

“Micah –”

“—and he knew your brother several years ago –”

_“—no –”_

“—when he saw you he thought he knew who you were –”

“—please –”

“—but he wasn’t sure –”

Edrissa’s breaths were coming too fast. Her eyes were wide and she braced herself up on the couch, gasping for air. Tori reached out and pulled her close.

The girl didn’t stop her horrible wailing that dug claws into Tori’s heart. She slumped in Tori’s arms, weeping, and curled her fingers into Tori’s shirt.

“…he asked me if your name was Clark when I was at the town hall.” Tori raised her voice over Edrissa’s cries and pressed her lips into her hair. “He knew a Micah Clark who looked like you, and I thought I remembered Gray telling me your brother’s name…” She glanced at Gray and they nodded. Tears shone in their eyes, too.

“Micah…”

“She said he was, um. Shot. When she was taken,” Gray mumbled. Edrissa shuddered against Tori and cried harder.

“He, um, succumbed to his wounds,” Tori said miserably. “I’m so sorry, honey. I wish –” _I wish what? I wish your brother was alive? I wish you hadn’t been taken? I wish you hadn’t been tortured as a plaything for two years?_ Tori pressed her cheek against the top of Edrissa’s head. Tori’s tears fell into her hair.

Edrissa struggled and pulled herself out of Tori’s grasp. She dashed for her room, her hand pressed over her mouth, still sobbing her brother’s name. She nearly collided with Vera as Vera stumbled into the living room.

Tori’s head hung low as tears ran down her nose. “Fuck,” she whispered. “That poor girl… she had nothing but the… but the _hope_ that her brother was still alive, and now she –” Tori cut herself off at the sound of a strangled sob. Her head snapped up. Her heart sank as she saw Vera standing in the doorway of the living room, her hand thrust out against a wall. Her other hand was pressed against her chest. Her eyes were faraway, staring at something only she could see. Tears were streaming down her face.

Tori was up in an instant. “Babe. What’s wrong?” She crossed to Vera and stopped a few feet away from her, hands outstretched, helpless. “Vera? Are you there again? What is it? You can speak.” Tori nearly babbled with panic.

“I…” Vera convulsed forward as another sob wracked her body. She slid down onto her knees and screamed in horror at what was playing out in front of her eyes, in her mind. “I remember. I remember what Ryan did. I remember what happened to Ryan.”


	24. Put down you gun and step away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan Reveal part 2, following from the 23rd chapter of Honor Bound 2

_Years ago_

As soon as she heard the faint sound of Joseph’s footsteps approaching the door, Vera’s heart went into overdrive. All night, every time she thought about morning coming and Joseph coming down to hurt her again, her blood flooded with an icy, paralyzing terror. _No matter what, after this morning I’ll be out or I’ll be dead. This will be over. One way or another._

She pushed herself up onto her knees, almost without thinking. _This is how he likes me._ Her mind shuddered around the thought as soon as it had formed.

She shot a glance at Ryan. His face was pale, but set. The muscles in his jaw flexed as he clenched his teeth together. Her eyes flicked to the gun concealed at his waistband, and back to the door. Her fingers were white from how hard she was squeezing them together.

“No matter what,” he murmured under his breath. She closed her eyes and a shiver moved through her.

She held her breath as the door swung open and Joseph walked in.

“Good morning sweetheart,” he purred. “You’re looking rested. Excellent. I wanted you to be in good shape for tonight.” Her eyes slid shut again and a whimper made its way through her throat. He chuckled. “So Pearson told you about the party tonight?”

She glanced at Ryan. _I can’t speak. But he can._

He quivered with tension and avoided her gaze. “Yes sir,” he said with a shaky grin. “I’m sorry if you wanted to be the one to tell her, but it just kinda… slipped out.”

Joseph was watching Ryan, his piercing eyes moving across Ryan’s body. From his face, to the way his hands were trembling. To his feet, in a bladed stance on the floor. Joseph’s eyes narrowed for a moment and Vera’s heart stuttered in her chest. Joseph’s gaze moved back to her. Her heart started again. Joseph shrugged.

“It wasn’t a secret, Pearson,” Joseph said, speaking a little more softly than before. The chill in his voice made Vera shiver, so much colder than the chill in the room. He took another step towards her and fumbled in his pocket for the keys. “Perhaps you’d like to help me bathe her this time. I’ve found the noises she makes when forced to feel pleasure are almost as good as the ones that come from her agony.” He knelt in front of her and reached for her collar.

Ryan’s hand went back for his gun. He brought it up and aimed it at Joseph, his eyes blazing with a furious intensity.

Joseph’s hand shot into his pocket and he pulled out his knife. He dove behind Vera, shoving her forward in front of him by a hand on her collar. He brought the knife to Vera’s throat. Ryan’s hands jerked and he froze as the blade pressed against her skin, where her pulse beat.

“God _dammit,”_ Joseph hissed. _“Damien!”_

The door to the cell banged open and another man rushed through, his own gun held tight in his hands. His eyes went immediately to Ryan. He aimed his gun at Ryan’s heart.

_“No,”_ Vera sobbed. She reached back to push Joseph in front of her, into the path of Ryan’s bullet. He jerked her head back and dug the blade into her skin. Her body locked into an icy panic.

“God _dammit,”_ Joseph snarled. “God _dammit,_ Pearson, I _knew_ you were going to try something stupid like this. _Fuck!”_

Ryan’s eyes were wide and streaming with tears as his gaze flicked between Vera and the man to his right with the gun aiming at him. “V-Vera…”

“Drop your _fucking_ weapon, Pearson,” Joseph spat. “Drop it, or I cut her throat right now.”

“You won’t fucking do it,” Ryan forced out between clenched teeth. “Fuck you. You won’t do it. Let her fucking _go.”_

The knife pressed harder into her throat and she felt a hot line of blood move down her neck. She gasped and cried out.

“I will, Pearson. If you think I won’t, you haven’t been paying attention. I have no qualms about killing her, and even fewer about killing _you._ Put down your weapon before I have Damien make this decision for you.”

Ryan’s eyes went to Vera’s face and stayed.

She nodded. _Shoot Damien. Do it. Take the shot. Let him kill me. At least one of us will get out alive._ Her lips trembled. Even now, even here with a gun pointed at Ryan’s heart, she couldn’t speak. _He hasn’t let me yet. He’ll hurt me worse if I do._ She whimpered and the knife bobbed with the motion of her throat.

The gun was trembling in Ryan’s hands. Tears fell from his face onto the floor. “Don’t kill her,” he whispered.

“Then put your _fucking_ gun on the ground and step away,” Joseph barked.

Ryan’s hands dipped lower.

“Ryan, _no!”_ Vera screamed. Joseph jerked the collar back. She gagged as it constricted around her throat.

Ryan pressed his lips together. “If I put this down, don’t fucking kill her. This was me. Not her.”

Vera whined as the knife pressed harder against her throat, sending another stream of blood down her neck. _If he goes much deeper he’s going to kill me. Then Ryan won’t have anything stopping him._ She reached up and wrapped her hand around Joseph’s wrist, pressing the knife in harder. _I’m dead anyway._

Joseph jerked as he felt the pressure on his hand. _“Bad girl,_ Vera,” he said in her ear. “I’m the one who kills you, nobody else. Not you. You belong to _me.”_ She whimpered.

“Take the _fucking_ knife away from her throat.” Ryan’s face was beaded with sweat. He winced as some ran into his eyes. “I’m not dropping my gun until you do.”

Joseph chuckled. “Alright. Damien, drop him if he doesn’t put his gun down.” Joseph pulled the knife away from Vera’s neck. She sobbed with relief, mixed in with despair. It was poison in her blood.

Ryan raised his hands, his right still clutching the gun. He leaned forward and slowly lowered the weapon to the ground. He stepped back and his hands went back up above his head.

“Cuff him, Damien.” Vera trembled in Joseph’s grasp as his breath warmed the back of her neck. Damien stepped forward and yanked Ryan’s hands behind his back. He pulled a pair of handcuffs out of a back pocket and clicked them onto Ryan’s wrists. Ryan was staring at her, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Ryan, _no,”_ Vera sobbed. “No no no… Ryan…” Joseph shifted behind her and stood. The hand on her collar moved up her neck to tangle in her hair. He snapped her head back, looking down at her as he forced her to look up at him.

“You were being so good,” he whispered, betrayal thick in his voice. “You were being so fucking good for me, Vera.” He glanced at Ryan. “I thought he might be planning something monumentally stupid, but not…” He clicked his tongue. “…not _you. Bad girl, Vera.”_ She shuddered under the weight of his words. He turned to look at Ryan, tilting his head as he considered him. “Get him on his knees.”

_“No,”_ gasped Vera.

Ryan’s eyes flicked to hers as Damien kicked the back of one knee, and he dropped to the floor.

Joseph slowly crossed the cell to him, watching him closely the entire time. He paused in front of Ryan and twirled the knife idly in his hand. He looked up and nodded once at the guard. “Thank you, Damien,” he said calmly. The man grunted and took a step back to stand in the corner.

Joseph looked down at Ryan, tilting his head this way, then that way. Ryan glared up at him with vicious fury. Joseph reached out with one hand and slowly grasped Ryan’s hair. Ryan went still at the touch and his lips pulled back over his teeth.

Joseph pulled his hand back and slapped Ryan across the face. Vera cried out as Ryan gasped and nearly fell onto his shoulder. Joseph’s hand went back to Ryan’s hair and jerked his head up again.

“You thought you could take my _fucking plaything from me?”_ Joseph hissed. “After all I let you do to her, you thought you could claim her for yourself? You _stupid_ fucking boy.” Joseph’s hand pulled Ryan’s head back farther and exposed his neck. “You stupid, _ungrateful_ boy. I gave you a job, I let you _fuck my plaything,_ and you still thought you could take her from me?”

“I didn’t want to _fucking claim her,_ you _fucking rapist,”_ Ryan snarled at him. “I didn’t want her like that. I _never did._ You…” More tears welled in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. “You _made me do that.”_

Joseph laughed once, mockingly. “As if you could resist,” he said, drawing Ryan’s face back farther. “As if you could look at her and not want her, after I’ve made her so good.”

_“I NEVER WANTED TO HURT HER,”_ Ryan roared at him.

Joseph leaned back in surprise. His hand relaxed momentarily in Ryan’s hair. He glanced back at Vera, and down at Ryan again. His face broke into a grin.

“Oh my… _god,”_ Joseph said softly. He bent closer over Ryan until his neck was arched back by Joseph’s hand. “Did you… develop… _feelings_ … for my plaything, Pearson?”

All the air rushed out of Vera’s lungs. Every moment she’d spent with Ryan, every touch, every time his hands had moved over her, helping her, cleaning the evidence of Joseph’s tortures away from her skin, every time he’d held her as she’d cried, all loomed over her at once. Every time he’d _fucked_ her. _Was he really enjoying it, this whole time? Was he lying to_ me, _too?_ She felt something crack inside her, something that threatened to shatter her completely. _This whole time, was he just using his power over me? Was he hoping to claim me for himself, once we were free? Was he going to put me right back into a collar, one that_ he _chose for me?_ Her skin crawled as every memory of his hands on her came rushing through her mind all at once.

She met Ryan’s eyes, and the look she found there put her back together again. Her heart plummeted to the floor. _No. He really cared about me. The whole time._

Ryan looked up at Joseph, and the loathing in his eyes could have withered Joseph’s skin. “I never wanted to hurt her,” Ryan growled through his teeth.

“How sweet,” Joseph mocked. He jerked Ryan’s head to the side so he had to look at Vera. “I hope she was worth your life.”

“Joseph, _no!”_ Vera gasped, and threw herself forward.

Joseph’s head snapped towards her and his eyes narrowed with rage. _“Joseph?”_

“Please, no!” Vera begged. “Please no, he… he’s good, he didn’t… do anything _wrong…”_ Tears burned in her eyes.

“He tried to take you from me,” Joseph said, his voice going low and dangerous.

She looked only at Ryan now. She felt like she would tear apart from the inside out, from the terror and desperation on his face, from the unwavering look of determination in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You’re proven you can’t be trusted when you’re not chained down,” Joseph said softly to her, contempt twisting his features. “Glad I made the decision to chain you when I did.” He stepped behind Ryan and jerked his head back with a hand in his hair. He held the knife to Ryan’s throat.

_“No!”_ Vera shrieked. She shot forward and gagged when the collar jerked her to a stop.

Ryan flinched and moved to stand. Joseph pressed the knife against his throat. The skin opened immediately and Ryan froze, a gasp of pain seizing his chest.

Joseph’s eyes were fixed on Vera. Poisonous satisfaction pulled the corners of his mouth up into a deadly grin. “Your real punishment will come tonight at the party, Vera,” he hissed. “Until then, take this as punishment. His death is on you.”

The knife cut deep into Ryan’s throat.

_“NO!”_ Vera screamed. The threw herself forward against the chain. A choked sob tore from her as Ryan slumped to the floor, blood pouring from the gaping slash in his neck. “No no no… _Ryan!”_ She reached for him, tried to pull him away from Joseph. Tried to staunch the bleeding. _Something._ “No,” she sobbed. “No, Ryan… I’m so sorry… _Please…”_ The collar closed around her throat, seeming to drag her back away from Ryan’s body. Ryan shuddered and choked on the floor, blood gurgling in his throat. She strained against the collar, eyes streaming. Trying to touch him. Reach him. Her hands left smears in his blood.


	25. Chapter 25

Vera cowered on the floor away from Tori. _“No!”_ she screamed, curling tighter into herself. “No no no _no…”_

Tori fell to her knees beside Vera with a sob. “Vera, what happened? What did you remember?” Her hands shook violently as she reached out to Vera, pulled back, reached out. _What could have happened to have broken her this hard?_

Isaac knelt beside Tori and without a word Tori folded into his arms. _I know he’s here for her. He needs to be here for her. But I need…_ Tori had watched Vera suffer for months, unraveling the pain she’d buried, finding new limits to what Vera had thought she had endured. Tori had fallen apart right alongside her in the two weeks since she’d killed Joseph Stormbeck, had watched her fall into memory after memory that left her shaking and hollow inside. Had heard things come out of Vera’s mouth that she wished she could burn out of her mind with bleach. _I can be good. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scream. Bad girl. If you don’t punish me, I can’t be good. It hurts. It hurts where he fucks me. Do you want me on my back? I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry I’m so broken. Should I put the, the collar on? Bad girl. I can be good. I’m sorry, I know there’s no escape. There’s no way out. I imagined him. Bad girl. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. He raped me. My friend raped me. I’m sorry. I can be good. Parties where Joseph invited his friends over to rape me. I remember at least three. Yes, sir. I’m sorry. I can be good. Should I get on my knees? Bad girl. I can be good for you. Please don’t hurt me. I can be good._

_What could be worse than all of that?_

Vera howled and pressed her mouth against her arm as she huddled on the floor.

“Vera,” Tori whimpered, “are you there in your mind? You can s-speak, babe, I… you can… you can speak…” She collapsed forward, out of Isaac’s arms. He reached down and placed a hand on Vera’s hair, smoothing it back from her face.

_“Ryan,”_ Vera wailed. “Ryan, _no…”_

Tears blinded Tori as she lurched forward, sobbing. “Vera, babe… _please…”_ She felt gentle hands on her shoulder, guiding her to her feet.

She stumbled back and bumped against Gray’s chest. They grunted softly and eased her back, away from where Vera was curled up on the floor with Isaac leaning over her.

“You don’t have to put yourself through this, Tori,” Gray said softly.

_“No,”_ Tori gasped. “She’s… she’s _hurting,_ Gray, let me –”

“You’re hurting, too,” Gray murmured. “This is hurting you, too. Let Isaac help her. You don’t have to be strong for her every moment.” Tori pressed her hands over her mouth and let Gray hold her gently.

“Vera,” Isaac urged, his voice tight with worry. “Please, tell me what’s going on. What did you see?”

Vera wailed wordlessly on the floor, cowering away from Isaac, her hands flung up over her head. She had her eyes squeezed shut as she shuddered, sweat dampening her skin from the tension in her body.

Isaac saw movement and glanced up, further down the hall. Ellis stepped out of the room they shared with Finn. They gasped and hurried to Vera’s side.

“What happened?” Ellis asked, tears wobbling in their voice. “What _happened?”_

“I don’t know,” Isaac said, lowering his voice. “She remembered something. We’re trying to figure out what.”

“Ryan, _Ryan,_ I’m so sorry, _no,”_ Vera heaved out. _“NO!”_

Isaac felt himself folding over Vera, protecting her with his body. Shielding her from everything else while she fell apart beneath him. “Let’s just back up a little bit. Give her some space.” He didn’t move from her side, but the others moved back with a little hesitation.

_“No,”_ Vera sobbed into the carpet.

“Vera,” he murmured, leaning over her. “Please tell me what happened?”

“He’s… he’s _dead!”_ she screamed, her voice muffled by her hand over her own mouth.

Isaac’s eyes slid shut over the sudden burn of tears. He sagged over her, pressing his hand to his face, keeping one hand on her. Steadying her. Grounding her. “No,” he whispered.

“He, he was going to get me out, he _promised,_ he was going to get me _out,”_ Vera wailed. “He hired people to get me out. He was going to get me _out,_ we were going to run and… he was going to save me, he _protected me,_ from Joseph, he did those things to me so…” She cut herself off with a whine.

Isaac’s hand shook as he placed it on her head. He bit his lip and half expected her to pull away, but she pushed her head into his touch, whimpering.

“He did those things so Joseph would…” She choked on her tears. “So he would… let Ryan get _close_ to me… He h-had to earn Joseph’s trust… so he could help me…” She shuddered and pressed herself into the floor. “And he… he died… for _me…”_

“Vera, can I get you up off the floor?” Isaac asked as he stroked her hair.

It was like she didn’t even hear him. “Joseph was… was going to have another _party…”_ The word came out as a tortured wail. “…he said he’d get me out, no matter what. He’d get me out, or we… we would die, but that was alright… I would die with my friend…” Vera reached out and grabbed Isaac’s wrist. Isaac went still for a moment, certain that she was going to shove his hand away. She dragged herself towards him and clutched at him, drawing him forward and down until his chest pressed against her shoulder.

She took a shuddering gasp. “And Joseph found out, he somehow found out, and… as Ryan was going to shoot him… Joseph pushed me in front of him and…” She cringed into herself. Isaac wrapped his arms around her. “Ryan… _put down his gun…_ for _me…”_ She moaned softly. “He died for _me,”_ she whispered.

Isaac glanced up and saw Gavin standing in the hallway. Even in the dim light, Isaac could see Gavin was pale. Sweat shone on his face and neck as he leaned against the wall, still weak from his beating. Gavin’s eyes were fixed on Vera where she lay curled under Isaac’s protection. Isaac’s lips pulled back over his teeth in a silent snarl at Gavin.

Gavin froze, wincing, and held his hands out to his sides in supplication. Isaac could feel his heart speed up, could _feel_ the fear spreading through his brain like poison. _I’ll never be safe he’s going to hurt me going to hurt US I need to stop him I need to put him in the ground._ Isaac trembled as his muscles coiled to spring, his hands curling into fists, his chest burning with the need to kill. To _protect._

Vera whimpered beneath him, and his heart dropped in his chest. He shuddered and glanced down at her, clutching his arm, her face raw and wet with tears. _My friend. My best friend._ He trembled as the fear ran bright and hot through his mind, almost forcing him to stand, to stride over to where Gavin was leaning slumped on the wall, to beat him to death with his bare hands _the way I should have done from the start. Should have killed him. Should have kept them safe._ He squeezed his eyes shut and felt Vera, warm, shaking, afraid. He opened his eyes. He chose her.

“Finn, help me get her up,” he murmured over his shoulder. Finn jumped forward, hands extended, nearly _vibrating_ with their need to help. They knelt together next to Vera and lifted her under her arms. She wailed as they pulled her up and moved towards the couch. Her feet dragged behind her and she staggered between them, tears pouring down her face.

They eased her down onto the couch. Isaac sat beside her and she latched onto him, nearly crawling into his lap as she clutched at him, sobbing.

“My friend,” she wept. “Joseph cut his throat just because he _helped me,_ just because he wanted to save me…” She coughed hard and buried her face in Isaac’s chest. “He died for _my mistake,_ he died because I wasn’t strong enough… He died because I _begged him_ to get me out before… before Joseph… had his friends rape me again…”

Isaac glanced over at the noise coming from the other couch and saw Tori sobbing quietly into Gray’s shoulder. Tears rolled down Gray’s face as they looked over at Vera, haunted.

“If I hadn’t… _begged…_ if I had just held on… if I had just waited, if I’d waited for the plan… he might… still be…” She convulsed forward in a scream. Isaac’s arms wrapped around her and pressed her to his chest.

He heard the shadow of two voices: his, and Sam’s.

_“I—If I had d-died if… i-if I’d ma—made him ki-ill me… he would n—never… you… never…”_

_“I went to Gavin to keep them safe and they still ended up getting hurt. Because of me. Because I… couldn’t…”_

_We all carry the same scars._

_“No,”_ he murmured. He pulled Vera closer and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. _“No,_ Vera. This wasn’t your fault. Do you hear me? None of it. You didn’t kill him. _Joseph did._ This _wasn’t your fucking fault.”_ His voice slid into a whisper as tears tightened in his throat.

_“No,”_ she moaned. “Ryan… _no…_ He did… he did everything… e-everything he could… to keep m-me safe… He… _blamed himself…_ for torturing me… It… wasn’t… his _fault…”_

“And it wasn’t yours, either, Vera. He died and that doesn’t mean anything about you. It just means something about…” He swallowed. “About Joseph.”

“He _loved me,”_ Vera whimpered. “I… I don’t know if… if it was… _like that…_ but… he died because he cared… about _me…”_ She wailed miserably.

Isaac shivered. _Is this what it means to die for the ones you love? Is this what you leave behind?_ He shoved the thought away and nuzzled into her hair.

His eyes drifted up again to Gavin. He was standing in the doorway of the living room, leaning still against the wall. Acid churned in Isaac’s stomach. _If he’s here because he’s_ getting off _on her pain…_ His eyes moved over Gavin. Gavin’s face was pulled into an expression of horror. His arms were wrapped around his middle and Isaac could see him trembling from across the room. _That could be from this, or it could be from the beating._ Isaac watched him for another moment, calculating. That same feeling that had shifted in his mind as he’d beat Gavin, wobbled and moved again. He looked away, turning his attention to Vera. She sagged against him further. Her fingers locked into his shirt.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered to her. She whined softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Ryan,” she whimpered. _“No…”_

Isaac pressed his cheek against the top of her head. She sobbed against his chest, murmuring Ryan’s name over and over.

_”Ryan,”_ she whispered. _“Ryan._ I’m so sorry. I’m so _fucking sorry.”_


	26. Chapter 26

Vera’s convulsing sobs slowly quieted to whimpers. Isaac’s arms didn’t loosen on her. He held her close, pressing his cheek against the top of her head, rocking her gently as she trembled. His eyes slid closed and he breathed slowly, silently encouraging her to breathe with him. After a while, whether she meant to or not, her breathing started to match his. In, and their chests swelled together. Out, and their bodies relaxed a little more. In and out. In and out. Tears had long since soaked through Isaac’s shirt.

He didn’t mind. He kept his hands gently on her, smoothing her hair away from her face, slowly tracing lines over the scars he knew lay under her shirt. Her fingers loosened in the fists she’d made in his shirt. Her head fell onto his shoulder as she wept softly.

Vera hadn’t let him touch her this much since – Well, since Joseph. She had always been open with him in this way, through gentle hands on shoulders, with hugs, with just lying together sometimes for warmth while they were on the run. It had been… difficult for her, after Gavin had claimed her. She’d been jumpy, flinching or going still at his touch in a way she never had before. She had slowly recovered, over the almost four months they had spent at Tori’s house. Slowly let him touch her again. Slowly regained that silent part of their friendship that had always been there.

After Joseph…

After Joseph, Vera hardly let anyone touch her at all. And Isaac understood.

Now, Vera was sinking into Isaac’s embrace. It soothed his own fear, sharp as glass as he looked over at Gavin, still leaned against the wall like nothing else was holding him up. Gavin’s eyes were downcast, his face dark with… something Isaac couldn’t place.

Vera whimpered softly and nuzzled into Isaac’s neck. _I wonder if I remind her of Ryan sometimes?_ Without his control, Isaac was gripped with horror, his mind dragging him into that cell with her. _What if I had to hurt her to save her? What if I had been in his position? What if I had to –_ He ferociously cut the thought off. If he thought about it any longer, he would disintegrate in her arms, he was sure. He couldn’t do it. Not to her. Not with the history they had together.

_Not even to save her life?_

_STOP._

He shuddered against her and pulled his arms tighter around her. She shifted and looked up at him. Her eyes were red and swollen, her face slick with tears. There was a heaviness in her that dragged at Isaac’s heart. Her eyes moved over him, and her eyebrows pulled together in concern.

_No. I can’t let her worry about me. Not now. Not now that…_

She wet her lips to speak. “Are you –”

“Do you need a tissue?” Isaac interrupted, his jaw clenching.

Finn practically leapt forward with a box of tissues. Vera looked at them and took one. Her eyes returned immediately to Isaac. “Are you –”

“I’m just… I’m sorry you’re hurting,” Isaac whispered, and pressed a kiss into her hair.

Vera bit her lip as he pulled away. Another tear coursed down her cheek. Her face twisted and she sobbed again. “Ryan…” She dove back into his chest.

He held her again and she wound her arms around him. _Fuck,_ he missed her.

Sam walked stiffly from where they’d been standing near the kitchen, their own face wet with tears. They sat down gently on the couch on Vera’s other side. She stirred and looked at them.

“Can I…” Sam’s voice faltered. “Can I, um, touch you?”

Vera nodded. Sam leaned gently against her and wrapped their arms around her and Isaac, reaching as far around them both as they could. Vera sniffled softly and rubbed Sam’s arm.

“He sounds like he was a good man,” Isaac murmured.

Vera collapsed against him. “He was.”

“Would you…” Isaac paused. Vera lifted her head. “Would you… maybe… want to have a funeral… for him?”

Vera’s face crumpled and she sobbed again. “Oh. Um…” She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I…”

“You don’t have to,” Isaac said quickly, biting his lip. “I’m sorry if I was overstepping.”

“No, no.” Vera sniffed. “I mean… that would be… really nice.”

“Okay. Maybe we could… have a…” Isaac’s gaze moved to the hallway where Edrissa had disappeared. His eyes fell on Gavin and stayed for a split second. He pushed down the wave of unease that moved through him. “We could have a funeral for Micah, too. Let Edrissa mourn him properly.”

“And for your dad.”

Gavin’s words went through Isaac like a thunderclap. He went rigid on the couch in Vera’s arms, his eyes fixed on Gavin where he stood leaning against the wall. His hands curled into fists and his jaw clenched shut. _“What?”_

Gavin’s eyes went wide, and he went a shade paler. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean…”

“Isaac…” Sam said quietly.

Isaac tore his eyes from Gavin and fixed them on Sam. They were staring at him with wide eyes filled with tears.

“I didn’t know your dad… died…”

Isaac swallowed hard. His throat suddenly felt too tight to breathe through. “I…”

“We should do that,” Vera said softly, wiping her face on her shirt.

“But…” Isaac’s eyes went back to Gavin where he was standing, looking ready to bolt down the hall. Isaac wondered how far he’d make it without falling. _He used my dad’s death. He used the thing I told him. He used the thing he_ took from me, _with a gun to my head._ He trembled as he held Gavin’s gaze. Tears welled and ran over.

Gavin stared at the ground, looking cowed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He turned and disappeared down the hall.

Gray looked between Isaac and the hallway. Their eyebrows pulled together. “What was that, Isaac?”

Isaac worked to hold down furious sobs. “I… he…” He swallowed and a whimper escaped his throat. “He knew… my dad died… because… while he was… _torturing me…_ he…” His eyes squeezed shut against the memory of being tied down to Gavin’s table, a blindfold over his eyes, and Gavin’s gun pressed to his head. Vera’s hand squeezed in his and he opened his eyes.

“He took that from you?” she whispered.

He whimpered. “He took _everything_ from me.” There was a tightness that moved through Vera’s eyes as he said it. “Oh, fuck, Vera, no… I… I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Gavin never… he… never…”

She shook her head and closed her eyes. “That’s okay. There isn’t a comparison, Isaac.”

He bowed his head. “I don’t want to feel this anymore.”

Vera sobbed out a laugh. It twisted as it came out. “Fucking preach.”

Isaac reached for a tissue. He blew his nose and settled back on the couch. He was shaking. He could feel Vera trembling, too.

“How the fuck do we move on from this?” he whispered, pressing a hand to his face. “With the guy who tortured all of us in the next fucking _room?”_

“Carefully,” Gray said ruefully. “Although he didn’t actually torture _me.”_

Isaac snorted. “No, he just shot you. No big deal.”

Gray shrugged. “Technicalities.” Their eyes turned to Vera. “I’m so sorry, Vera. I didn’t… I didn’t know things would… end… like this.”

“They haven’t ended,” Vera said softly. “I still have no idea what made me forget him in the first place.”

Gray’s expression darkened. “I can guess.”

She nodded, ducking her head. “I know. But I… want…” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I want to remember him. Honor him. For what he did for me.”

“Babe…” Tori murmured, still pressed against Gray’s side. She had her eyes down and fixed on the floor. “If Ryan never got you out… how did you escape?”

Vera shrugged, her shoulders pulling painfully up around her ears. “It must have just been protestors, like I thought. I was thinking… maybe… he had something to do with it, but…” She shook her head. “Now I… I don’t know.” Isaac squeezed her hand. She squeezed back. “I remember him. I remember Ryan.” More tears formed and rolled down her cheeks. “And I fucking killed the man who murdered him.”


	27. Chapter 27

Gavin lay on his stomach in bed. Every fucking moment, agony shot through his back, gripping him with every breath. He felt sweat bead on his skin as he shivered against the pain. Even now, days after he’d been beaten, he hurt. Finn had seen to him every day. They had checked his bandages, examined the wounds for signs of infection. They had even applied a salve that made the marks feel a little cooler for a few hours.

_What the fuck am I_ doing _here?_ He’d asked himself the same question over and over and over, ever since he’d shown up on the team’s doorstep and Isaac had lost his shit.

He guessed he couldn’t really blame Isaac. After Isaac had nearly bashed his face in, Gavin had had nightmares for months about Isaac coming after him with hands made of steel to break him and break him until there was nothing left. The nightmares had faded, as the scars did. The pit of hunger that had opened in him as he recovered pushed away all fear of Isaac. For months, he’d hungered for Isaac’s blood, for his pain. He’d lain in bed, just imagining Isaac’s screams. How his throat sounded raw near the end. How no matter what Gavin did to him, no matter how badly he hurt him, Isaac just… wouldn’t… _break._ Even now, when Gavin couldn’t even think of someone else’s pain without feeling faintly ill, the thought of Isaac’s strength made him feel something else entirely.

And after Vera had slaughtered his father… He couldn’t deny that he was scared of Vera, too. The nightmares about her were so much worse than the ones he had had about Isaac. In those nightmares, a demon with razor teeth and Vera’s face chased him through his childhood home, over and over and over, shrieking for his blood at the top of her lungs. He could never run fast enough. He could never escape her teeth.

So he understood why Isaac was scared of him.

He didn’t _want_ him to be, though.

After being caned, Gavin understood the pain a beating could cause, even days later. He’d always known it was painful, but… for some reason, he had never actually connected the two things in his mind that the pain was _bad._ For him, for his whole life, from his first memories of other people’s pain, pain was _good._ It had always made him feel _good._ And then when his parents found out about the strange feelings in him, instead of punishing him, they had _rewarded_ him. They took him downstairs to watch his father hurt people. Then he’d been taken downstairs to hurt them himself. And it had never been bad. Never been wrong. The feelings inside him, the buzzing in his stomach, the shivering waves of pleasure that always moved over him when he drew someone’s blood and drew out tears and pain… they had never been _wrong._ His parents had showered him with love and affection whenever he followed those feelings to their end. How could he have known it was wrong?

Why would he have ever questioned it, when that was when his parents loved him most?

When Isaac had beaten him nearly to death, Gavin had been furious, but he understood. He had felt nearly overcome with a dark, inescapable desire to drag Isaac back to his home in chains, put him on his knees, put him under his knife again, hurt him and hurt him and _hurt him_ until he broke open like he never had before… but he had _understood._ He _liked_ that Isaac fought. It was why he –

Nevermind.

When Isaac fought back, when he sacrificed his body to help Sam, it made things so much _better._ Isaac was strong. Isaac had gone willingly. And then he’d broken under Gavin’s pain, too.

Gavin had been bored of Sam when he’d first started into them. They were a young, sniveling, crying mess and there was no _drama_ in that. But the moment they opened their mouth and told him about Isaac, about the brave protector that would come for them… Oh. _Oh._ Hurting Sam had a purpose then. Hurt Sam, hurt this mysterious protector. Hurt Sam, and watch them try to be brave for their beloved _Isaac._ Hurt Sam, and figure out how to hurt the others _more._

Sam _had_ been fun, in the end. Sometimes Gavin just needed to _break_ someone. It was always a puzzle, finding his way into other people’s minds. And Sam was so easy. Sam, the youngest, the weakest, the least skilled, enamored with Isaac, wanting to help the others and not being able to contribute like the others did. Sam, the _baby_ of the family. Coddled and protected. Sam, too weak to protect the family that guarded them over all else. _Christ,_ it had been easy. Find the weakness. Worm his way in until he found what would shatter them. Pry them open on the fulcrum of pain.

It was easy. _So_ easy. Always had been. He’d never been nearly so good at anything else.

Isaac was easy, too. Fuck, Gavin had his number from the moment Isaac said _“take me instead.”_ So _that’s_ the type of idiot Isaac was.

And Isaac had more cracks than Sam. _So_ many more. Gavin had seen them, but he always needed to explore a little, at least in the beginning. Isaac needed to protect Sam, but _why?_ He needed to give his life for his family, but _why?_ He thought he was nothing, but _why?_ Those were the pieces that made up Isaac Moore. Stab him in any one wound, and watch him break.

And yet… he hadn’t. He _hadn’t_ broken. Not until the very end. And that was just making him beg: a small victory, if any. Isaac never gave away an iota of information that was _useful_ about his family. He never agreed to help Gavin hurt them just to spare himself pain. He never renounced his devotion to them, even when Gavin had him tied to a table and moments away from his death. He never cracked. Not even once. He had broken, but that hardly counted at all. He begged for the pain to stop. It was a moment in time when he begged for the pain to stop. That was hardly worth anything. He hadn’t _given_ of himself, not in the slightest. Gavin had never had anyone so strong.

He had no idea what he felt about that.

What was he supposed to _do_ with that? What was there to _do_ with Isaac’s strength? Or Vera’s, for that matter? Yes, Vera had folded when he’d slapped her, but… that was cheating. She was already broken. His _father_ had broken her. And, he now knew, he had helped. What fun was it to break an already broken plaything? There was no challenge in that. No fun.

He knew now that Vera was a creature beyond ferocity. Vera was a monster of blood and rage trapped in a body seared with scars. What he felt for Vera was something between fear and fascination and longing to understand her. To get close to her. Her cracks were easy. They had been manufactured into her. What was she like beneath those? Between them?

As for what he felt for Isaac? He couldn’t answer that. There was something about Isaac, something about his strength and devotion… something about how his eyes darkened when he was afraid, how his hands moved to protect before they ever moved to destroy. There was something about the shift of his body when he saw someone that needed his kindness or courage. There was something that filled him up in that moment when he found someone who needed protecting, like a golden light that shone through his eyes and his scars. Isaac fell into protection like he was born to do it. Like he was _made_ for it. Isaac protected his family. Isaac protected Vera. He protected Sam most of all.

And they loved him for it. The devotion in their eyes, when they looked at Isaac, was so much stronger than all the fear Gavin had ever seen when people looked at _him_. He’d never seen something so powerful in his life.

He wanted to be a part of it.

There was a part of Gavin that was tainted, he knew. The person he was when he hurt people was someone he could never be again. That part was gone. Poisoned by his father’s blood.

Another piece of himself was growing now. A piece that longed to be filled up with something… else. He wasn’t sure what it was. He just knew that when he looked at how Isaac was with his family, he got a little closer to the answer.

It was something like…

He moved his awareness through his own memories like a hand through still water, stirring them up. There was something like what he felt now, buried deep inside him. Soft fingers on his forehead when he was sick. Warm arms holding him when he was very, very small. His best friend from childhood, the one that had held his hand as they played, before either of them knew why grownups did that. _Ezekiel._ He felt it when he thought of the people he’d slept with. He’d never done it much, and admitted he probably wasn’t very good at it for that reason. It never mattered before now. The feeling he got when someone shuddered and died under his knife had never, never been as good as the one that came with someone else’s ecstasy. But somewhere in the mess of hands and mouths and breath, sounds, feelings inside him and moving around him when he was close to someone like that – Somewhere in there glimmered something like what he was longing for now. Much as it frustrated him, he couldn’t put words to what it was.

He’d never _not_ known himself so much.

He couldn’t explain it, no matter how hard he tried. If he couldn’t hurt people anymore, what would fill that gaping hole in him? His mind flitted through images of the others. Finn and Ellis, and how sweet they were to each other. Endlessly attentive. Ellis was guarded with every single other person in this world, but with Finn, they were open. They were free. Maybe that was a part of what he was looking for.

Tori and Vera, and their love. They were both so broken. _I did that._ And yet they were unwaveringly devoted to each other, even when they were each in the throes of the past creeping up and into their bodies without warning or relief.

Tori and Gray. Maybe if Gavin had had a parent like Gray— He cut himself off from that thought at the unexpected wave of grief that rose over them at that thought. When he watched Gray and Tori together, he sometimes couldn’t help but think, _what if I had that?_

He watched Sam and Isaac together. How they seemed like they were made for each other, their movements mirroring each other, their bodies constantly aware of where the other was. Constantly ready to protect the other. Sam was small, almost ridiculously so, but something told Gavin that if he raised a hand to Isaac ever again, not that he ever wanted to… _Sam_ might be the one to take him down. And when Isaac looked at Sam… there was always such raw and ardent _connection_ there that it made Gavin sad to think about. Sad that he didn’t have that, and sad that he had almost been the one to take that away from them. He never imagined he could ever feel anything other than joy at causing others pain.

Gavin was looking for something, longing for it. The desire felt… clean, somehow. Pure. Not like when he wanted someone else’s pain. This felt… singularly _his._ He couldn’t name it.

_Love._ Maybe that was what he was looking for. He rolled the word around in his mind, feeling out the edges of it, pressing into it to see what it felt like if he tried to imagine it in his bones.

No. That was stupid. He was going to have to keep looking.


	28. The Funeral

Isaac shuffled his feet nervously. “I… I’m sorry. I’ve never done one of these before.”

Tori’s hand rested gently on his shoulder. “That’s okay. Just… say whatever you’d like to say. If you want to talk about him, or… a good time you had together, or something you miss?”

He looked down at the small bouquet of wildflowers he held tight in his hands, crushing the stems until they drooped. “I, um…” He shrugged. “I don’t think I even… remember that much about him at this point. I’m sorry.” He fell a step back. “I should just—”

“Isaac…” He stopped at the sadness in Sam’s voice. “Please don’t go.”

Isaac took a step back into the circle, closer to the fire. He raised his gaze for a moment to Sam, then to Vera. Her face was already glazed with tears and she stared at him with a broken hurt in her eyes. He let his head fall forward. “Okay. I’m sorry. Um.” He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “So…” He looked at Tori as she squeezed his shoulder again. “My dad’s name was Jonathan. Um. He died when I was… uh… twelve. Um. In a car crash.” He couldn’t help but glance at Gavin, to his left. Gavin was staring into the flames, head bent, his eyes studiously away from Isaac. “He was, um…” Isaac shrugged. “He was a mechanic. He liked his um. Boat. Had a rowboat. And… he would take me out on the lake in it sometimes.” He bowed his head, finished.

Tori looked at him, her hand never leaving his shoulder. “Is that all you want to say, Isaac?”

He felt the sting of tears forming in his eyes and nodded once. “Yeah. I think so.” He held out his hand and dropped the flowers into the fire.

He watched them burn. The petals fluttered and browned, and burst into the flame as the fire licked along the stems, curling them, turning them black. Something very old was rising in him, climbing up through his lungs from his stomach. Tightening his throat. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Something that was all wrapped up in blue uniforms and the smell of gin and the very faint feel of his father’s rough hands in his hair. He panicked, tried to push it down. _Not in front of them. I haven’t felt this in years, I can’t, not in front of them…_ He shuddered as Tori reached down and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back and closed his eyes tightly. _If I feel it, it’ll level me._

He felt warmth as Tori took a step closer. _Maybe it’s okay to be leveled with them._ He opened his eyes and looked into the fire. The flowers were burned to ash. Two tears rolled down his cheek. “Um…” He drew in a shaky breath. “Um. He’d take me out on the boat in the summer. We… we couldn’t fish in the lake, but he would have me row, he said it would make me stronger… And sometimes he would row and I’d just, um.” He shivered. “I’d lay in the bottom and stare at the sky and feel the cool on the bottom of the boat and we would just talk. And… he always cooked, not my mom. Except for steaks. She cooked the steaks. But… he cooked for us, all the time. And, um.” Tears rolled freely down Isaac’s cheeks. “He helped me work on my bike. And took us out for ice cream after it would hail.” He sobbed out a laugh and shrugged. “I don’t know why he did that. But he, he would look outside at the hail and say, ‘it’s an ice cream day!’” Isaac licked his lips.

“And when he, um.” Something bitter rippled through his chest. “When he, um. Died. The, the cops, they…” He pushed down a sob. “They um. Came to the door. And t-told my, my mom he was…” He shuddered and whimpered. “…he was… was _dead…”_ His arms wrapped around his stomach. “She um. She screamed and the… cops, um… told me and… they said they were, were _sorry,_ that it was a car accident and someone ran a red light, and I just thought, there’s no way, there’s no way someone could run a red light and kill my dad, he was a _good driver,_ and I didn’t even know you _could_ run a red light. I thought you _had_ to stop.” The words spilled out of him now. “And I, I didn’t understand, he was just here, he went out to buy some _milk,_ and now he was _g-gone,_ and he wasn’t coming back, and he was _dead…”_ He sobbed and trembled as Tori rubbed his arm. Sam pressed against his side and he immediately opened his arm for them. “And I didn’t under, understand that… he wasn’t gonna _be there_ anymore…” Sam buried their head against his chest. “And I… I lost my mom that day, too, because she… she never came back either… After that she was always drunk and never came back…”

Isaac gasped and looked down. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t know if she’s dead, this is… this is for…”

Tori’s hand tightened on Isaac’s arm. “You lost her, too. It’s okay.”

Isaac slid to his knees and pressed his face into his hands. His chest shook with deep wracking sobs, sobs that came from the core of him. Came from that place where he still wanted to feel his mom and dad’s arms around him, their voices telling him they loved him. It was a need he had almost forgotten. It was a need he hadn’t let himself feel in over ten years.

He felt the press of bodies around him. Hands on his shoulders, hands on his head. Whispers. “We love you Isaac.” “Thank you for telling us.” “I’m so sorry.” Sam knelt beside him and pulled him into their arms. He turned and wrapped them in an embrace, burying his face in their hair. Hands at his shoulder pulled him up to standing and he reached out an arm for them, too. He smelled Vera as he pulled her close. She was trembling.

After a while, Isaac pulled away from the tight embraces. He wiped his face with his hands and raised his eyes to the dusky sky. “Um.” He swallowed. “Thank you.” He glanced over to see two figures standing uncomfortably still in the circle around the fire, away from the others. Gavin. Edrissa.

Everyone returned to their spots and Isaac bowed his head. He felt raw. Not torn apart, but like an infected wound had just been cleaned. He raised his gaze to Tori as she started to speak.

“I lost my mom to breast cancer when I was nine,” she said softly, tears standing in her eyes. “We had a good memorial service for her, and I’ve had a long time to mourn her.” She nodded. “But I miss her. I miss her so much. She had the most beautiful singing voice. And she loved flowers. Daffodils, especially.” She glanced down at the wildflowers in her hand. “That’s why I picked these.” She smiled and two tears ran down her cheeks. “Yellow.” She dropped them into the fire.

Vera squeezed Tori’s hand. “Is that all you wanna say, babe?” she said softly. “You can… you can say more, if you want…”

Tori shook her head and rested it on Vera’s shoulder. “No, it’s… it’s alright. It’s been a long time.” Tears ran into Vera’s shirt. “And I’m okay.”

Vera stared into the fire and clutched the flowers in her hand tightly. Tears welled in her eyes and ran over. “Okay. Um.” Her throat worked as she swallowed a sob. “I. Um. Lost my sister. Asa. In the, in the fights.” Her eyes slid shut, sending another cascade of tears down her cheeks. “She w-was killed… two years after I… escaped.” Across the fire, Gavin’s eyes closed. “I didn’t find out un, until… years later.” She opened her eyes and looked down the circle to Gray. “I heard it from one of your friends.” They nodded, remembering. “In the militia we were helping in ’24. She was… was shot… fighting the syndicates.” She blew a breath out through trembling lips. “Doing what she thought was right. Trying to avenge me.” She bit down on her lip and stifled a sob. “And I… regret… being too broken to go back home and, and see my family again.”

She shuddered and a sob ripped from between her clenched teeth. Tori rubbed her back, swaying slowly.

“And… and _Ryan…”_ The word was a sob. “I… I didn’t know… that he was… was dead… this whole time…” She pressed a hand to her mouth. “He, um. He died. Trying to help me.” Her face went horribly blank for a moment. “And Joseph fucked me in Ryan’s blood.”

Gavin flinched. Edrissa whimpered and squeezed her arms around her own waist.

Vera slammed her eyes shut. “Oh, fuck. I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay,” Tori said softly.

“No, I… I don’t wanna _talk_ about that stuff… I wanna talk about Ryan. How good he was.” Vera opened her eyes and laced her fingers through Tori’s, squeezing hard. “He… he was my friend. He was a good man. He never hurt me because he wanted to. He… tried… _so hard…_ to get me out…” She let the tears run freely down her face. “He found my handler, paid the guys to get me out, he was with me _every night_ in that cell. I was never alone.” She lifted her chin and drew in a deep breath. “I’ve been trying to… remember… everything about him. He had light hair and… really clear blue eyes. He… he was taller than me, I remember that… He… We didn’t laugh very much, but he had a nice laugh. And he smelled like some cheap deodorant bodywash thing, I can’t remember what it was called but…” She smiled. “I remember how it smelled.” She let her eyes close. “He always wanted me to be warm. And he… he worried about me drinking enough water. He helped me remember who I was. Remember… there was a world outside the basement _he_ put me in. He would…” Her voice wobbled. “When it got really bad he would clean me up after. And he never…” She licked her lips. “He _never_ let me lose faith entirely. He always promised he would get me out. Right up until… until the moment he died, he was trying to get me out.” Her eyes opened and focused on the fire. “He was a good man.” She dropped the flowers into the fire. They sent up a little puff of embers and ash.

Vera folded against Tori, whimpering softly. Tori smoothed her hand through Vera’s hair.

Gray cleared their throat. “Um. I… I lost a few f-friends. In the, in the skirmishes.” They nodded, their mouth twisting. “Marci. Aaron. Todd. Mike. The other Mike.” They smiled ruefully. “Mike Gates and Mike Johnson.” They pressed their lips together and took a steadying breath. “They were fighting for something they believed in. It doesn’t bring them back. I miss them every day.” Gray sniffed. “But I have to think that’s how they would have wanted to give their lives. I have to believe that.” Their hand opened and they dropped their flowers into the fire.

Ellis was already crying. They let the tears fall as Finn leaned in to press a kiss to their temple. When Ellis opened their mouth to speak, their voice was low and husky. “Um. I… miss… my children. Galen. Chloe. They would be eleven and fourteen now. Chris and I would have been, been married for fifteen years this year.” They whimpered. “And there are some days when I feel like… I can’t breathe without them here.” Ellis laid their head on Finn’s shoulder. “And I will… will _always_ love them. And miss them. And I like to… imagine… they’re all alive somewhere else. Living. Not being afraid.” Finn smiled against Ellis’s hair. _“God,_ I miss them.” They all but threw the flowers into the fire and turned against Finn’s chest, wailing. Finn ran their fingers through Ellis’s hair and let them cry. Their own eyes shone with tears in the firelight.

Ellis’s sobs eased and quieted until they stood in Finn’s arms, weeping softly. Finn wet their lips. “Um… I don’t even know who I lost. After the Junior Defense Corps base got destroyed I… I was too scared to… go back home, even. After a few years I went back home, but… I…” They looked up, blinking rapidly. “My parents weren’t there anymore. I um…” They gulped. “I don’t know if they’re still alive. But my school…” Their face crumpled. “I don’t know who escaped the death squads and who didn’t. My medic education instructor, Instructor Grant…” They pursed their lips and blew out a slow breath. “He, um. Sacrificed him, himself. For us. So we could get away. I wah, watched him get shot.” Ellis’s arms tightened around their waist and they squeezed back. “I wish I knew who was still alive from my class. If any of them are—” Their mouth snapped shut and they heaved a shaking sob. They bowed their head and threw their fistful of flowers into the fire.

Everyone was silent for a moment, watching the flames. One by one, they all looked at Edrissa where she stood next to Finn, biting her lip and keeping her eyes down.

“Edrissa?” Tori said softly. “Is there anything you’d like to say? You can talk about anything you want.”

Edrissa stared into the flames, tears rolling down her cheeks one by one. Finally, she raised her eyes and looked at Vera across the fire. Softly, almost too softly to hear, she said, “I’m like you.”

Vera went still against Tori’s side. “Wh-what?”

Edrissa’s eyes flicked back down to the fire. “I… They… d-didn’t torture me, th-that much. But they… _hurt_ me and I… um…”

Vera stared at Edrissa in horror.

Tori licked her lips. “But you’re a… a _child…”_ she whispered.

“Old enough to know how,” Edrissa said under her breath, with a strange tone to it. She shuddered and focused again on Vera. “But I hoped my, my brother was alive for two years. I didn’t know he was… was _dead…”_ She convulsed forward, her arms going around her stomach again.

A silent look passed between Vera and Tori, and they both walked around the fire to stand at Edrissa’s side.

“Can I touch you?” Vera whispered to Edrissa. She threw herself into Vera’s arms, sobbing like her throat would tear open. Tears ran down Vera’s face as she slowly wound her arms around the girl.

“Can I touch you?” Tori said softly, on her other side. Edrissa nodded against Vera’s chest and Tori wrapped herself gently around them both, holding Edrissa in her embrace. Edrissa sobbed long and hard as they held her together, as if everything she had been through was being torn out of her chest, seeping out of her pores, flowing out with the tears from her eyes. Vera and Tori held her and swayed with her gently, matching their breathing to each other, deep and slow, silently encouraging Edrissa to do the same. After a while, her breathing slowed to tremulous, hitched sobs, then to quiet whimpers. Eventually she was quiet, still wrapped in Tori and Vera’s arms. She lifted a hand to wipe her nose. The flowers brushed her face, forgotten in her hand.

“Oh.” She laughed, a little painfully, and tossed them into the fire. She turned back and wormed her way a little deeper into Vera’s arms.

Sam bit their lip and took a small step forward. “Um…” They looked around the fire. “I… I don’t think I’ve really… _lost_ someone. I… don’t remember my parents, and I… I mean, I’ve had homes but I never really had a… a _family_ before you guys. I’ve known people who died, but…” They shrugged. “I was safe, for a really long time. I was… really lucky I guess.” They looked down at the flowers in their hand. “But I… I do miss them. I miss Corey. He was the one I was closest to in the group I was with when…” They swallowed. “When I had to run. So I don’t know if he…” They gasped softly. “Anyway. This is for him. And all the others I never knew what happened to them.” They dropped the flowers into the fire and watched them burn.

Everyone was silent for a moment. Isaac looked around the fire and saw everyone’s eyes averted from Gavin. Gavin was looking down into the flames, shining lines of tears on his cheeks. His flowers were crushed in his grip. He had his lips pressed together like he was terrified of opening his mouth.

“Gavin?” Gray said softly. Isaac’s head snapped up to look at them. “If you have something to say, you can say it. This is for all of us, including you.”

Gavin raised his gaze to Gray. His eyes looked almost desperate with something Isaac couldn’t place. “How can I—” Gavin’s voice broke and he tried again, shaking his head. “How can I speak when… when the people I’ve lost… destroyed your lives?” He hung his head, staring down at the flowers in his hand.

Gray’s voice was stiff as they navigated carefully. “You still have your grief. It’s alright to have… _complicated_ feelings about it.”

Gavin shuddered and nearly pitched forward in a sob. “I…” He whispered. “I’ve lost… _everyone.”_ He tossed his flowers into the fire, sending up another shower of sparks. He pressed his hands to his face and sobbed.

Isaac stared at Gavin with an open mouth. He’d seen Gavin lose control. When Isaac had beat him. When Isaac had killed that bounty hunter. But it had never occurred to Isaac before that Gavin might… _feel_ something… just like Isaac did. Something besides pain or anger or just goddamn _delight_ in hurting people. Isaac had never realized Gavin might have… _feelings._ The world permanently shifted a few degrees.

Gavin sank into a crouch, covering his head with his hands as he sobbed. Everyone around the fire stood still, stiff, uncomfortable. Gavin shuddered on the ground, cowering away from the eyes on him, pushing down his sobs until they came out in strangled whimpers.

Sam wiped their hands on their pants, staring down at Gavin. They bit their lip. They took a step closer to Gavin. Knelt down beside him. Gently rested a hand on his back.

Gavin jerked away from the touch, a low wail rising from his throat. Sam’s hand squeezed into a fist. They took a deep breath and pressed their hand to Gavin’s back again, making slow circles.

Gavin slowly raised his head from his hands. When he saw it was Sam kneeling beside him, he dissolved into sobs again and covered his face with one hand. With his other, he reached out and clasped Sam’s.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I’m so, I’m so _fucking sorry,_ Sam…” he moaned. “I didn’t, I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know what… what I _did,_ I didn’t know… I didn’t fucking… I’m so goddamn stupid, I didn’t fucking… _realize…_ the… the _damage…_ I didn’t know what it meant when someone hurt, I didn’t know what it _felt like,_ I just knew it felt good and I… god fucking _dammit,_ I’m so _stupid,_ I should have fucking figured it out, and I’m so _sorry…”_ He pitched forward onto all fours, his face getting close to the flames. He crawled backward and settled back on his heels. “I didn’t know how it felt, I should’ve just known but I _didn’t,_ and I regret it, I’m so, I’m so _fucking sorry, Sam!”_

Tears shimmered on Sam’s face as they rubbed Gavin’s back. Isaac stared at them both, dumbfounded.

Gavin raised his gaze up to where Vera was clutching Edrissa, staring at Gavin in disbelief. “I didn’t know my dad was doing that to you, I’m a fucking idiot but I _swear_ I didn’t fucking know, I should have, I should…” He shuddered and froze into a full-body tension. “If I had known, if I had, I could’ve helped, I could have, I could have… _done_ something, and I didn’t, and I… oh, _fuck…”_

Gavin collapsed and wretched into the dirt. He wailed and pressed himself against the ground. “Oh my, oh my _god,_ I didn’t…”

Vera’s face was pinched and tense, like she was holding back tears. Her arms tightened around Edrissa.

“And I… I wanted to hurt you, I _know_ I did, I’m not saying I didn’t want that, but… _fuck…_ And I… how can I miss my dad, how can I miss him when he did that to you… I believe you, I know he did, I know it in my _fucking soul,_ I know he hurt you like that… and how can I… how can I say I miss him, that it fucking kills me that he’s dead, that I _watched him die,_ when he… he strung me up as bait for you, after he…” He keened brokenly into the ground.

“Gavin…” Sam said softly.

“No no no no _no,”_ Gavin sobbed. “I lost my entire, f-fucking family, I’m… I’m fucking dead to them, I can _never_ go home, my mom, my fucking _mom_ wants me dead because she, she fucking blames _me…”_

Sam’s hand settled on Gavin’s shoulder and squeezed.

“I can never go home, my family, my mom told them all to close their doors to me and I can’t…” Gavin gasped. “I… I’ve lost… _everyone…”_ He collapsed into himself and sobbed. Sam moved their hand in circles on Gavin’s back again, silent.

There was a flicker of moment in Isaac’s periphery and he looked up to see Gray take a hesitant step around the fire towards Gavin. They stopped, their hands tightened into fists. Took a step. Paused again. Finally they blew out a slow breath and made their way around the circle to Gavin.

Gray knelt at Gavin’s side, their hand hovering slightly over his head. They bit their lip. Finally, their hand settled in Gavin’s hair.

Gavin glanced up, his eyes widening when he saw Gray. He looked back down at the ground. His hand went up to wrap around Gray’s wrist and squeeze, keeping their hand pressed gently in his hair.

Everyone else watched, silently. They watched until the fire started to die down. 


	29. Chapter 29

Tori lifted the axe. Swung it. Cracked it down into the log of wood teetering on the massive tree stump. The axe buried itself in the chunk of wood. Tori twisted and shook the axe free, steadying the wood on the stump and raising the axe to swing again.

“Hey.”

She jumped and nearly dropped the axe. She spun around to see Isaac slowly approaching her, hands open and at his sides. She pressed a hand to her chest. “Fuck, Isaac. You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.” Concern darkened his features. “You, um…” His gaze moved over her face. “You okay?”

She put the axe down. “Yeah. I’m good. You just scared me.”

“You scare a lot lately,” Isaac said softly. He sat down on the grass next to the stump.

Tori looked away. _No. Please. Can we not talk about this?_

“Hey.” Her eyes flicked to Isaac. He held out his hand. “We don’t have to talk. Let’s just sit. None of us have really gotten to just… sit.”

She sighed and took his hand, letting him pull her gently to the ground beside him. She groaned softly as she sat.

Isaac’s gaze moved intently over her, lingering on her face as she tried to force down the grimace of pain, her throat and how it moved with each breath. Her hands, how they shook. She swallowed. The motion still sent ghostly panic through her as her throat remembered the feel of the collar, even weeks later. The marks on her neck had faded. The fear hadn’t.

Isaac finally looked away, toward the house. He wet his lips. “You were there for us for months.”

“Isaac…”

“Taking care of us. Keeping us safe. Listening to us while we cried. Holding us.”

“Isaac, please…”

“And now, I think you’re making a mistake.”

She turned to look at him, her mouth falling slightly open. “…what?”

Isaac’s eyes were warm as he looked at her. Without judgement. Without demand. He didn’t need anything from her.

Somehow, that terrified her.

She swallowed again, the movement feeling rough, like it always did lately. “What… what do you mean?”

Isaac kept his gaze on her and reached for her hand. She let him lace his fingers through hers and squeeze. “I mean… you’re keeping to yourself. Withdrawing. Trying to make it look like you’re fine, when…” His gaze moved over her again. “…you’re not.”

Tears pricked at Tori’s eyes and she squeezed her eyes closed, blowing out a slow breath through her lips. “I… I’m… I’m fine…”

Isaac chuckled. Her eyes flew open and fixed on him, her stomach boiling with sudden, unexplainable rage. “What?” she demanded.

Isaac’s smile faded. “I’m sorry. You just… you sound just like me. Like I did. Seven months ago.”

She sighed and let her head drop back, blowing the breath out slowly, forcing herself to be calm. “But I really am fine.”

Isaac squeezed her hand. “I know you’re not. And that’s okay.”

She bit her lip against the tears that threatened. “How can I…” She cleared her throat and tried again. “How can I… _complain…_ about what I went through… when it was only for a few hours? How can I complain when… when…” She sniffed and pulled her hand away. “…when he did that…” She gestured at Isaac. “…to you?”

Isaac smiled gently. “The same way I can complain about what I went through, when Vera went through it, too, and so much worse… for months.” He put a hand on her back. “There’s no comparing it.”

His hand moved down her back and she tensed. She tried to push it down, tried to ignore it like she always did. His hand pressed into the almost-healed skin that Gavin had split with the cane. The flesh had nearly knitted together again, although she always hurt, now, when the marks were touched. When she stretched her hands over her head. When she was on her back beneath Vera, just kissing, because Vera hadn’t been able to have sex in weeks. It hurt. It always seemed to hurt.

She looked up at Isaac. The corners of his mouth were turned down into a frown. He pulled his hand away from her back. “Does that hurt?” he asked.

Again, a slow breath. In, and out. Just like she always told Vera. In, and out. Everything was fine.

“Tori… Are you still hurting?”

She looked up to the sky, praying the tears in her eyes wouldn’t fall. “You went through so much worse, Isaac,” she whispered. “And I… I want to take care of you. All of you. I don’t want to be the one that’s… that’s…”

“A burden,” he murmured.

“Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I don’t want to be—” She glanced up and saw the look on his face. She blanched. “I didn’t mean…”

“I know what you meant, Tori,” he said gently. “But… did you think I was a burden, when I couldn’t even feed myself? When I laid in bed for days, just crying? Did you think I was a burden when you had to change my bandages, check my shoulder every day? Did you think I was a burden when I kept everyone up with my nightmares?”

“No, Isaac, I—”

“I’ve been the biggest burden on this team since Gavin tortured me,” he pressed on. “I’ve needed the most help. The most medicine. I’ve woken everyone up with my nightmares for months. Only five days with Gavin, and I caused _months_ of fallout for my family. And do you think…” He had to stop to steady his voice. “Do you think I’m a burden?”

_“No,”_ she whispered. “But it’s… it’s different. He only had me for a few… _hours…”_

“And yet he marked you.”

She shivered as the wounds on her back spiked with pain. Her wounds everywhere: on her arms, her legs, her chest. Gavin hadn’t spared anything. She was hurt everywhere. She had scars, now, everywhere.

“Tori… you were the first person I told about Gavin’s torture. They all know now, but… you were there for me. Please. Let me be there for you.” She looked over at him, at the vulnerability in his eyes. She trembled and bit her lip.

“Um…” _Where would I even fucking start?_ “It… it hurts sometimes. A lot. The marks he made…” For a moment, her hands drifted to the hem of her shirt. She paused, shaking. _No one but Vera has seen these._ She took a deep breath and lifted her shirt, turning so her back was exposed to him. She knew it was streaked with still-fading bruises and new scars where Gavin had split her skin. She could feel Isaac’s gaze on her back like it was a physical touch. She lowered her shirt and turned back to him.

She was afraid to raise her eyes to meet his. Terrified of what she would find there. _He’s been through so much worse._ She gritted her teeth and looked up at him.

Still, that expression of perfect vulnerability. No judgement. He wasn’t brushing her off.

She released a breath.

“I don’t know how to get better,” she whispered.

Isaac smiled. “Neither do I. If I did, I would be better by now.” A corner of his mouth pulled up.

“And having him… _here…”_ She glanced at the house. “He… he fucked with my head, Isaac, he said things and I… I believed him…”

“What did he say?” he asked gently.

Her vision blurred with tears. “He… said…” She gulped. “He said… Vera was only with me… because she needed to be owned again. And I was… _taking advantage…_ of her. He said I… I _like them broken.”_ She shuddered. “He said I liked that Vera would be my plaything if I… if I wanted.”

Isaac tensed. “You… you didn’t believe _that…_ right?”

She sniffled. “Um. I… I did. He was… hurting me, and… I felt… so… _fucking guilty…_ that she was coming for me. I thought Gray was _dead._ She _told_ him Gray was dead. And I… I thought she was going to die for me, too. I wasn’t thinking straight, Isaac, I… I wasn’t…” She shuddered forward into a sob.

He moved himself closer to her and closed an arm around her shoulders. “Hey. You’re alright.”

_“No,”_ she moaned. “You don’t… I thought Gray was… was _dead…_ I thought they were both dying for _me…_ And I couldn’t stop it, I felt so fucking _helpless_ and I just kept praying I could be brave, like… like Vera…”

Isaac pressed his lips against her hair. “You know Vera gets scared, too, right?”

She laughed out a sob. “But it’s _different!”_

He squeezed her tighter. “You’re allowed to be scared, Tori. You’re allowed to break.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. “But with him with us—”

“I know. I’m, um. Struggling. With it, too.”

“Do you think he would hurt us again?” she whispered. “Do you think he’s going to…?”

Isaac was silent for a moment. Finally, he murmured, “I don’t know.”

“He’s done such fucked up things,” she whimpered into his neck. “He’s hurt… _all_ of us. He’s a fucking monster.”

Isaac’s jaw clenched. “I know. But… I think…” He blew out a breath. “I don’t know what I think. He’s… he’s different now. I think he… I think he… maybe… understands?”

“How can he fucking understand? He’s… he’s…” Her hands tightened in his shirt and she whimpered. “He _hurt me,”_ she whispered.

“I know,” he said gently. “I know. But… we’ll just have to see. He’s… different. I don’t know what it means.”

“But what if he—”

“If he hurts any of us again…” His hand tangled in her hair and held her tight against his chest. “I’m going to kill him. I won’t let him hurt us again. If he tries again, I’m going to kill him.”


	30. Chapter 30

Isaac listened contentedly at the sounds of his family in the living room as he washed the dishes after dinner. Gray and Tori had done the shopping, Sam and Edrissa had been busy all morning shucking corn and drying out the meat Gray had brought, Vera had chopped the vegetables, and even Gavin had worked on making bread. Finn and Ellis were off on their own, eating dinner in town. Isaac had been content with the chore of doing dishes after dinner if it meant having the afternoon off. The team liked having a moderate stash of food at the house in case they had to run suddenly.

Finn and Ellis had a radio for the very same reason.

Right now, the night was calm. Everyone was seeming to adjust to their new, if temporary, lives up north after a week in the little farmhouse. It was as close to peaceful as Isaac had been since they left Tori’s house months ago to start their rescue missions.

Someone bumped into his hip and he jumped slightly, turning to see who it was. Sam smiled up at him with their brown eyes sparkling with something Isaac hadn’t seen in a long time. He smiled and turned slightly back to the dish in his hand.

“Hey, Sam. What’s up?”

“You’ve been getting better,” they said softly, with a smile in their voice.

Isaac’s lips curved up and he kept his eyes on the plate. “Yeah. I have.”

“And I… I want to start talking to you again.”

He stopped washing the plate, the brush still held tight in his hand. He blew out a breath. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” they said. Isaac turned to them and they smiled wider. “You’ve been… You’ve been different. I don’t think…” For a moment a corner of their mouth turned down. “I don’t… think…”

“I’ll explode at you like that again?” Guilt was heavy in his stomach.

“Yeah.”

Isaac chewed at the inside of his cheek. “Well, I… I won’t. I never should have. I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.” Sam’s hand was gentle as it rested on his arm.

The touch made him shiver. _I haven’t really been touched by any of the team the way I used to. It’s like they’re all afraid to get close to me. It’s like they all think I’ll…_ The sudden thought brought tears to his eyes and he blinked, looking down.

Sam ducked into his field of vision. “Hey. Um. I know you’re… having a hard time.”

“No hard time justifies what I did,” Isaac rasped, still staring at the ground. “No matter how bad I feel, or how… how _lost_ I feel, _nothing_ justifies pushing you away like that.”

Sam smiled, a hint of pain in their eyes. “It’s not the first time we’ve pushed each other away because of pain. It probably won’t be the last time.”

Isaac shifted his eyes away. “But you’ve never… you’ve never _hurt_ me like that, Sam. You’ve never done anything like what I did.”

“Isaac, I pointed a gun at you when you rescued me from Gavin the first time,” Sam said, their voice on the edge of a chuckle.

“Oh.” Isaac’s hand went up to rub the back of his neck. “I guess you did. I kinda forgot about that.”

“And if I had killed you?” Isaac looked back at Sam, tears shining in their eyes, too. Their arms wrapped around their waist. “We’ve both done… really stupid stuff to each other. I punched you in the face, too, remember?”

Isaac opened his mouth to protest. Sam’s eyes narrowed and their mouth twisted, their lips still pulling up a little in the corners. Isaac closed his mouth again.

“I think you’re healing,” Sam said softly.

Isaac blew out a breath. “Yeah.”

“And you’re… you’re trying.”

Isaac laughed once, bitterly. “Kinda pathetic that I have to be convinced to try to not hurt.”

“It’s how you’ve always lived, Isaac.”

Tears welled in Isaac’s eyes, too quickly for him to blink away. One coursed down his cheek, then the other. “I don’t want to feel that way anymore,” Isaac whispered.

“I know. And that’s why I feel ready to talk to you again. Because… You’re not holding onto that pain anymore, Isaac. You’re not keeping it around to punish yourself with. And I’m not… I’m not afraid of you.”

Isaac’s heart clenched. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Have you been… afraid of me? Lately?”

“Um, yeah.” Sam said with a deep breath. “A little. After the thing with the bounty hunters… and how you’ve reacted to Gavin a few times… I’ve been a little worried that you were…”

Isaac nodded, his eyes still closed. “Yeah.”

“No, please let me say it.”

Isaac opened his eyes, steeling himself for whatever was about to come out of Sam’s mouth. _You’re dangerous. You’re a liability. You’re weak. You scare me… too much for me to want you around._ He nodded.

Sam bit their lip and searched Isaac’s face with their gaze. “I was afraid I was… um… losing you.”

Isaac wet his lips. “Yeah. I—”

“Please let me just… say all of it. Please.” Sam’s eyes moved over Isaac’s face. He nodded again.

Sam took a deep breath and pushed it out slowly. “I’ve been… scared, because…” Sam looked away and their chin quivered. “I’ve always… trusted you. From the very beginning. And you’ve always, always kept us safe. Kept… _me…_ safe. But when Gavin showed up… I… You started to…” Sam gulped. “I started to wonder if… if pain was… all you could let yourself feel. Pain, or, or anger. At Gavin, at… at Edrissa… Anyone who stood in the way of…” Sam’s gaze returned to Isaac’s face. “And… it _scared me,_ Isaac. It scared me that you might be… losing yourself.” Their unfolded their arms and placed one palm on Isaac’s chest, over his heart. “Your _goodness_. And when you…” Their hands fell to their sides and their eyes filled with tears. “When you said… When you said those things, in the woods, I thought…” Their hands squeezed into fists. “No. Sorry. I just… I thought you were… pushing me away. For good. Because maybe you went through…” Tears rolled down their cheeks. “Maybe you went through too much pain to want to be around me anymore.”

Isaac pushed down his own tears. “Oh,” he said softly.

“And I… I haven’t known how to… to _help_ you, Isaac. I can’t… I can’t help if you… if you just… won’t let me in. I didn’t know you were hurting so much. I didn’t even…” The pitched their voice lower, their words gentle. “I didn’t even know your dad died, Isaac.”

Isaac hung his head. “I know. I… I _know_ that. I’ve just been so scared… that… that if you all knew… what I felt sometimes… that I had… so many damned _weaknesses…”_ He swallowed hard. “You would…”

Sam tilted their head. “Isaac, when have we ever left someone behind because we thought they were _weak?”_

Isaac’s lips trembled. He curled his hand into a fist. _“You_ haven’t, but… you don’t…” He shuddered and stabilized himself on the counter. “It feels like the hurt never ends,” he whispered.

“Well… maybe if you let yourself just… _hurt_ sometimes, without getting… without pushing us away, maybe it would stop piling up?”

“How can I feel that much hurt?” he said, his eyes finding Sam’s and holding them desperately. “How can I… _let that_ happen? What if… what if I feel something, and I… I break, and I never come back, and I’m not… _useful…”_

“You don’t have to be useful to be worthy,” Sam said under their breath.

Isaac looked up, recognizing Tori’s words. He smiled brokenly, his mouth twisting. “I prefer to be useful, though.”

Sam huffed out a breath. “Don’t we all?” They reached out a hand hesitantly towards Isaac. “I should have asked, before. Can I touch you?”

Isaac let out a breath. “You never have to ask, Sam. You _never_ have to ask.”

Sam held back for a moment, biting their lip. “I… I do, Isaac. You’ve been… you jump, when we touch you sometimes. You… you flinch.”

Isaac’s eyes went wide. _“What?_ I didn’t… even… I didn’t even _know…”_

“Seeing Gavin again messed you up, Isaac. You’ve been different.”

“I know.” He felt the pull towards guilt, towards pushing Sam away and telling them to leave him alone, for their own good. _I’m dangerous to them. I’m a threat. A liability. What if Gavin makes me angry and I lash out, and… hurt Sam? I could never forgive myself. I…_

_I will never let that happen._

He straightened slightly, only realizing now how the guilt and exhaustion had pulled his shoulders down, his head bent against the dread. “Um. Yeah. You can touch me. Thank you.”

Sam stepped forward and pulled Isaac into a hug. Isaac carefully wrapped his arms around them, more aware than he ever had been before of his strength. His height. How he could hurt them, so easily, if he ever lost control. _It’s selfish, for me to try and make them stay. They shouldn’t be around me. I can’t lose control, can’t lose control…_

He shook his head and pressed his cheek against the top of their head. They buried their face in his chest. _I won’t lose control. Not anymore. Never with them._

Isaac squeezed Sam tighter, a piece of himself falling back into place with the feeling of their arms around him again. Centered. _My sibling. I’d do anything for them. Even feel this. I’d be weak, for them._

He ran his fingers gently through their hair, his heart aching. _We were distant for a week, maybe a little more, and it feels like I’ve been away from them for years. God, I missed them._

He swayed slowly with them, holding them tight. Finally he pulled away and stepped back. Sam wiped their face on their shirt. “You haven’t…” His voice faltered and he started again. “You haven’t been… _affected…_ by Gavin being here as much, I don’t think.”

Sam bit their lip, mulling over the question buried in Isaac’s words. “Yeah, I don’t… I don’t know why. I mean, I still sort of… I still think about what he did, but… He’s so different now, Isaac. He’s not the same person.”

“Yeah, Vera made sure of that,” Isaac said under his breath.

“No, I mean…” Sam ran a hand through their curls. “He really is… _different,_ Isaac. He doesn’t want to hurt people, yeah, but… haven’t you seen him? He… he _hurts,_ Isaac. It’s like… now that he understands, now that he’s… made the connection, he’s sorry. And… he wants what we have.”

Isaac took a full step back, his mind shuddering, rebelling at the thought. “What… _we…?”_

Sam shook their head. “No, not… not _you and I,_ specifically, but… what we have as a family. He wants… I think he wants something that he… doesn’t have to earn. By hurting someone.”

Isaac snorted. “He’s never had to _earn_ a thing in his life. He’s never—”

“Isaac, you’re not _listening.”_ Isaac’s mouth snapped shut as Sam stared up at him, their eyes earnest. “You know his parents torture people, and… his mom _cut him off_ for not wanting us captured and tortured. Do you think he had a choice as a kid, either?”

“We _always_ have a choice,” Isaac ground out. _“Always._ He tortured Vera when he was… _ten years old._ How can you say he—”

“Does a kid have a choice between a parent’s love, and anything else on the planet?” Sam’s hands were clenched into fists at their sides.

Isaac choked on the rage that swept up through his chest. “This wasn’t about his parents’ _love,_ this was about how much he wanted to _hurt people._ It made him happy, to, to _hurt._ I don’t think… I don’t think anything could have… have _changed_ that…”

“What if he’d been raised by Gray?” Sam lifted their chin. “What if he’d been raised by someone like Tori? Do you think he would have turned out the same?”

Isaac fell back against the counter, paralyzed. The rage burning in his throat ran down his arms, made him ready to _fight,_ fight Gavin, fight the pain, fight _Sam_ , if they said one more _goddamned thing_ defending Gavin…

At the same time, tears pricked his eyes. _If I had been raised by someone other than my mom, if Rosa and Michael and the others hadn’t left me, would I hurt the way I do? Would I feel so broken? Would I be so fucking_ hollow _on the inside, if someone like Gray raised me? If I had someone to teach me I wouldn’t be left if I wasn’t good enough? If I had someone telling me they loved me, even if I was weak?_

He felt a deep tearing sensation in his chest. He felt the weight of sixteen years of abuse, abandonment, of… _fighting_ to earn the love of people who would leave him anyway, of clawing at the love as if that would help him keep it… He felt it all weighing on him, all the years of his life since his father’s death, and what it would have _meant_ if he hadn’t had to endure it. He had a brilliantly clear picture in his mind of himself, twelve years old, and _loved._ Held, when he missed his father. Protected, when the world started to hurt him. Soothed, when he was in pain. The way it _should have been._

A deep, gaping chasm yawned inside him, and he clutched at it desperately. He didn’t know what the feeling was, just that it felt like something had been ripped away from him, stolen from him, and he was sixteen years too late to find it again. The damage had been done. Could never be undone.

Sam’s arms were around him and he was sitting on the floor, sobbing until it felt like his throat would tear open. A throbbing ache, something that felt torn and enflamed, crushed his chest.

“—c-couldn’t, I… I n-never, oh, oh _god…”_

“I… I’m so sorry…” There were tears in Sam’s voice.

“Wh-what if, what if I, oh _no,_ I just… my mom, if my, my _mom—”_

A sniffle, beside him. “I wish… I wish you could have known then, that you… you deserved so much better…”

“…sh-she never, she, _never,_ and… Rosa… Lexi… Michael… Jordan… William… they all… they were… _fine…_ with leaving m-me…”

“I’m so sorry,” Sam whimpered, wrapping their arms around him and cradling him as best they could.

“…what if, if I _had_ Gray, what, what if, someone _loved me_ the whole time, what if I didn’t… _hurt_ so much… _no,_ Sam, I’m fucked up, I’m… I’m _broken,_ I… I hurt _so fucking much,_ how am I… how am I _ever_ supposed to…”

“I don’t know,” Sam said softly against his shoulder. “But… but we’ll help you. We’ll help you get through this, Isaac. I promise… we are never going to leave you… We _love_ you…”

Isaac clutched at Sam. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I ca-can’t, I, can’t, I…” He pressed his hand against his chest. His heart was racing so fast it made him dizzy, and he couldn’t slow his breathing down, no matter how hard he tried. Tears poured down his face and he rocked forward, clawing at his throat, sobbing so loudly it sounded like screaming.

More hands were on him, cradling his face, pushing back his hair. And voices, and bodies around him, but he couldn’t _see_ what was going on, couldn’t make sense of it. The world spun in a horrible kaleidoscope of color and jagged feeling that he couldn’t get a grasp on. He panted and sobbed against the cabinets.

“Sam?”

“I don’t know, he, we were talking about—”

“About… Gavin?”

“Well… I mean yeah, but… I think… he’s… I think it’s the abuse.”

“…I’m sorry, I’m, I’m _sorry,_ I won’t do it a-again, please d-don't leave I’m _sorry…”_

“Oh, god. Oh. Oh, no…”

“Oh, Jesus. I… shouldn’t be here…”

“You think?”

“Easy, Vera. Gavin, it might be for the best if you leave for a bit. Just until we find out what’s going on in his head right now.”

_“…I tried to be good…”_

_“Fuck.”_

“Vera, go. It’s not the same thing, you’re alright…”

“No. I need to… um… I, I need to be here… for…”

_“…I’m sorry, I tried, I tried to be good…”_

_“No…_ F-fuck, I…”

“Vera, go.”

“It’s okay, babe. Gray’s got this.”

 _“…no no no no please don’t leave, please, please don’t go…”_ Isaac’s hands reached out blindly.

“She’s not going anywhere, Isaac. Just into the next room. I’m staying right here with you. So is Sam.”

_“…I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…”_

“Isaac, I’m… I’m sorry… I can’t… _listen…”_

 _“…please…”_ A whimper. _“…please…”_

“Vera’s going to be just behind that wall. Here, give me your hand, Isaac. I’ve got you.”

_“…n-no…”_

“Isaac… we’re both right here. Oh, um. It’s Sam. We’re in the kitchen of the north house. You’re, you’re safe, Isaac.”

“Isaac, breathe with me. Can you do that with me? Just breathe. In… come on, Isaac, try to slow your breathing down and take a deep breath in.”

_“…I can’t, I can’t I can’t I can’t—”_

“You just did, Isaac. Do it again, deep breath, now hold… No, shh, just hold the breath for me. Good. Now out. Good, Isaac. In again.”

“Just squeeze my hand, Isaac. Oh, ow… Yeah, just a little looser… Thank you.”

“Breathe in again, Isaac. Big deep breath. All the way down into your lungs. Hold it for just a moment. Now out. Good. Perfect.”

In.

Hold.

Out.

In.

Hold.

Out.

In.

Hold.

Out.

“I’m sorry,” Isaac whispered.

“Shh.” Gray kissed his forehead. “Don’t be sorry. I keep telling Vera this: it was hidden for a long time. It’s alright if things come back a little rough.”

“I… I’m so sorry…” Isaac’s voice wobbled. “I didn’t… know that was…”

“Now you know,” Gray said softly. They groaned as they lowered themselves from their crouch next to Isaac, to sit on the floor beside him. They leaned up against the cabinets and let their head fall back. Sam squeezed Isaac from their spot on his other side. “Now you know the pain is there. You don’t have to push it down. You felt it, and it didn’t kill you.”

Isaac winced, curling forward at the pain in his chest. “Why does it… _hurt_ so much?” His face was still wet with tears.

Gray laughed gently. “You pushed it down for years, Isaac. It’s gonna hurt when it comes back up.” They squeezed Isaac’s hand, then let theirs rest on their leg. “But you did it. And I’m proud of you.”

Isaac let his eyes close, sending more tears moving slowly down his face.


	31. Chapter 31

_Years ago_

The fire was dying down. Isaac got to his feet to put another log on, and the world tilted oddly. He staggered and put a hand to his head. “Whoa.”

“You good?” Vera slurred, looking at him from her seat by the fire. Her eyes followed him slowly.

“Uh. Yeah.” He giggled. “That sstuff Gray got is um.” He giggled again, his chest feeling warm and fuzzy.

“I told you I know good whiskey,” Gray said earnestly, sitting straight up and staring at Isaac as if they had just delivered the plan for world peace. “I _told_ you. I _told_ you I know good whiskey and it’s good.” They held up the empty bottle.

“We also gained 4000 vertical feet today,” Finn said, grinning, their eyes shining. “So the alll… cohol affects you more. The partial pressures of the oxyg—”

They were cut off as Ellis dragged them into a kiss, their movements clumsy. “You are so smart,” Ellis said, their voice low and urgent. “You are so, so, so _smart_ Finn Dunham. You are my sexy smart nerd babe.” They pulled Finn into another, deeper kiss. Finn laughed and pulled Ellis close.

Isaac spun, suddenly remembering the mission that made him stand up in the first place. “Another log!” he exclaimed. He pointed at the place where the firewood they gathered had been. Now there was just one log left, and plenty of kindling. He gasped. “I must find more logs. I will be right back. With more logs.” He placed the remaining log as gently as he could in the fire. For a moment he thought, _this is what brain surgery must feel like. Place the log. In the fire. Carefully._

He stood up and took a step to the side as the world spun around him again. He turned in the direction where the woods were thickest and began walking.

Vera scrambled to her feet. “I’ll come with you! On a mission. Get the logs.” She laughed, high and loose in a way Isaac had never heard before. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled.

He grinned. “Bros. On a mission. Get the logs.” He struck off again in the direction of the trees, Vera close behind.

“Be carefully—” Gray cleared their throat. “Be careful! Of the woods.” They waved their hand around them in a circle as if demonstrating their point.

Vera grinned. “Careful of the woods. Yes.”

Isaac stumbled over the underbrush, finding himself in the middle of bushes more often than he found himself on what looked like the path. His gaze bounced over the ground. _“Logs. Wood. Firewood,”_ he mumbled under his breath. His eyes settled on a small fallen tree, its bark stripped away by weather and animals, its wood bleached from the sun. “Wood!” He grabbed the tree and started dragging it out of the woods.

“You found a whole tree?” Vera asked, perplexed. “We’re going to burn a whole tree?”

“I will…” Isaac made a chopping motion with his hand. “Break it. And then we can use it.”

Vera put her hands on her hips, swaying slightly. “I don’t believe you. Show me.”

Isaac shrugged. “Okay.” He braced a branch of the tree under his foot and wrenched the end upwards. The branch came away from the rest of the tree with a satisfying _crack._

Vera smiled. “Okee. I was wrong. We’ll break the tree.” She stepped forward to tear another limb off.

“We should break the tree at the camp,” Isaac insisted, his eyebrows pulled together in concern. “We need to carry the tree there so we don’t have to carry the wood instead.”

Vera’s eyes were slightly glazed. “Yes. That makes sense.” She bent down to grab another part of the tree.

They dragged it through the underbrush together, laughing as they tripped over things, slowly making their way back to camp. The tree caught another tree and wedged hard against it. Vera dug her heels into the ground and leaned against the branch, straining to dislodge the tree. With a sudden jolt, it moved, and she toppled to the ground with a thud.

Isaac gasped and immediately bent down to pick her up. “Vera! Oh nooo…” He whined softly. “Are you alright?” He grabbed her arms and pulled her upright.

She wobbled, her mouth pulled into a grin. “Yep. I’m good. Just fell.” Isaac’s hands were still on her arms. She swallowed.

“Uh.” Isaac looked down at his hands, as if they were moving without his control. “I’m sorry. I should not… Yeah.” His hands fell to his sides.

Her gaze was fixed on his face. “Huh?”

“Uh. Well… sorry. I um. Well, you… you know?”

Her eyes flicked down to his lips. “Nope.”

He bit his lip. “So you’re like… my friend? Best friend, maybe?” She nodded. He smiled. “So, I want to, you know. Be respectful. Cuz I’m kinda drunk. And you are.”

Vera’s mouth fell open, wounded. “I am not! Watch watch watch.” She scampered a few steps away from him to a clear patch of ground. “I will walk the line. See? Walking.” She staggered across the ground. “And… tests. Yes. I know the date it is…” Her forehead wrinkled. “It is March 20, 2027. And we are in the forest. And if you have a pen, I can…” Her hands patted her pockets. “No pen. Oh well. I could follow it with my eyes. And I can count backwards from forty-seven to thirty-nine. See? Forty-seven, forty-six, forty-five, forty-four, forty-three, forty-two, forty-one, forty, thirty-nine. See? Not drunk. And I can say the alphabet backwards. See? Z, Y, X, W—”

Isaac cut her off with a hand over her mouth. “I believe you. You’re not drunk.”

“Okay.” She smiled and pulled her face away from Isaac’s hand. “Maybe shouldn’t drive, but… I’m not drunk. Okay? So we can.”

Isaac blinked slowly. “We can… what?”

“Um.” Vera took a step closer. “If you want to. We don’t, um. Have to.”

Isaac cast around in his mind for what in the world she could be talking about. “What don’t have to… what?”

Vera stepped close enough that Isaac could feel her against his chest. “Fuck,” she said, matter-of-factly.

Isaac’s eyes went wide. “Oh.”

“I mean it doesn’t have to be weird,” Vera slurred. “I mean. We’re friends. It doesn’t have to be, like.” Her hands drifted to the hem of his shirt. “Do you want to?”

Isaac swallowed. “Do you?”

Vera blinked. “Um. Yeah.” She pulled Isaac close and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Isaac’s mind went perfectly, blissfully blank.

Then his hands were on her, sliding around her waist, tangling in her hair to pull her head back. He deepened the kiss. She moaned.

“Not gonna be weird,” Isaac said against her lips. “I just want—”

“Me, too,” she sighed. “It’s been a long time and I just… wanna… see…” She pushed Isaac back against a tree.

“I wanna stay friends,” he murmured as he kissed down her neck.

“Me, too. This won’t change that. Fucking promise me.”

“I promise.” He found her hand and wrapped his pinky finger around hers. “Won’t change that. Best friends. I just… right now… I…” He groaned as she pressed her hips into his.

“You know I love you as my best friend,” she whispered against his ear. He shivered.

“You, too. But I… I want you right now…”

Vera smiled and stumbled a step back. She eased Isaac to the ground, sitting him down where the ground was softened by pine needles. He leaned back against the tree, his eyes sparkling in the fading dusk as he looked up at her. She slid to her knees and straddled his hips.

His hands went to the hem of her shirt. He started to pull it up over her back. “Can I—”

She stopped his hands with gentle pressure. “Uh-uh.”

His hands abandoned her shirt immediately and went to her face, cradling it as he pulled her in for another kiss. “Can I touch, um.” He whimpered as she nibbled his lower lip. “Can I touch you over the shirt or—”

“Yeah,” Vera murmured against his jaw. “I just wanna keep it on. Cuz I don’t… um…” She sucked along his neck. “’s cold.”

“Yup.” Isaac’s hands moved up her back, over her shirt, to hold the back of her neck. She shrugged his hand off, grasping it and moving it to her waist. His fingers pressed into her. He pressed his lips to her throat and she gasped.

She rolled her hips against his.

They moaned at the friction, and she rolled them again, and again, getting into a rhythm. Their warmth seemed to hold the chill back as they panted against each other’s skin. Isaac felt himself straining against his pants, and he whimpered.

“Do you have a condom?” Vera whispered against his neck.

He groaned. “Oh. No. I um. No.”

“I have an IUD,” she said as she trailed her lips up to his ear. “And I… I mean, I haven’t really slept with… anyone… since…”

“Oh. Um.” Isaac tried desperately to clear his head, a faraway alarm going off in his mind saying _this is important,_ but his mind swirled with the whiskey. “I mean I’ve… um… always used condoms, and—”

“I know I’m clean,” Vera said as she pressed her lips to Isaac’s forehead. “I got tested.”

“Okay. Are you… okay with…”

“I trust you,” she murmured as she nibbled his earlobe. “I trust you.”

“O-okay,” Isaac sighed, shivers moving down his body as she licked her way from his collarbone to his jaw.

“You want to?”

Isaac whimpered against her chest. “Please. But only if you want to.”

She didn’t respond. Instead, she stood and kicked off her boots. Then she unzipped her pants, and pulled them off her legs.

Isaac stared up at her with his mouth open, his eyes following her hands as she pulled her panties off, too, and threw them on top of the pile of half her clothes. His eyes caught on dark stripes across her thighs, silvery lines on her hips… The image disappeared from his mind as she knelt and straddled him again.

Her hands moved to his belt and she fumbled at the zipper. He helpfully reached down to help her, desperate to feel her against him. His hands got in the way and his pants hung only halfway open. They laughed together.

Vera finished unzipping his pants and Isaac groaned as he was freed from the restriction. Isaac could smell the whiskey on her breath as Vera rose up over him, grasping him gently with one hand. He moaned as she positioned him at her entrance and slid slowly down onto him.

She gasped out a shaky breath, her arms wrapping around his neck. He felt her trembling against him and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her breaths came fast and heavy against his hair as she clutched him. They sat still together for a moment.

“Will you just talk to me, please,” she said, in a small voice.

Isaac’s tongue was clumsy in his mouth. It was so _much,_ the feel of her body against his, the feel of being inside her, warm and soft and so fucking _close,_ the sheen of sweat on her skin, how her chest moved with each breath… He blinked and tried to arrange his thoughts in any sort of order.

“Um,” he tried. His mind went blank. “Oh. Uh. You, um, feel good.”

Her arms loosened around his neck for a moment. “Can you tell me I’m, um… safe.”

“Oh.” His hands rubbed in circles on her back. “Oh. You’re safe. I don’t… I don’t know what… um…”

“Please just… keep going. Or talk to me about… I don’t know. I just want to hear your, um, voice. _Your_ voice.”

“Okay. Uh… You’re safe. We’re just… uh… just two best friends, in the woods, with our, um… naughty bits…”

They both burst out laughing. Isaac moaned at how it made Vera spasm around him.

“I just want to hear that you, um… want me to… um… feel good. And safe. Please?” There was a tremulous vulnerability to her voice that made Isaac suddenly want to punch something. But he couldn’t. Not buried inside his friend. He could just be with his friend. That would be good.

“Okay. Well… I do. I want you to feel good and safe and… and happy. You are my beautiful friend and you are very scary and I love you. You could kick my ass if you wanted.” It was so, so hard to concentrate around the feeling of being inside her, warm, Jesus _Christ…_

“I want you to be safe, too,” she murmured, her lips pressed into his hair. She took a deep breath. She began to move.

They both groaned as she moved against him, grinding her hips hard against his, hands never leaving him. They were in his hair, on his face, reaching back to brace herself against his leg. His hands moved to her hips and he pressed his fingers against her bare skin, easing her up, guiding her back down, vision nearly going white. Her mouth was on his and she was tasting his lips and she was all around him. A sort of strangled whine left his throat as she ground herself down harder against his hips.

The more moans she drew from his lips, the more she sank down onto him, pressing him back against the tree, devouring him, drawing her lips and teeth down his neck. He let his head fall back, his mouth open to her, helpless. He could smell her hair and her sweat and the whiskey and it all melted together into warm curls of pleasure that moved through him, beginning where he was deep inside her, her hips pressed against his. His eyes rolled as she drew his head to the side and bit down gently on his neck.

“V-Vera,” he murmured, his hands tangling in her shirt.

“Oh, god. Yeah?” She pushed him back harder against the tree and worked her hips harder into his.

“I am, um, thank you. This is, is good. Really good. I’m glad you’re my, my friend.”

She laughed gently, shuddering, picking up the pace. “Isaac, _fuck,_ I… Oh god…”

He could feel Vera tightening around him. He twitched and jerked his hips upward, into hers, desperate to come, trying more desperately to hold off. _It would be cool if she would come. That would be good. She’s my friend. That’s what friends do._

“Can I… um… touch you, to help you… uh…”

_“Yes.”_

He moved a clumsy hand to her sex, his fingers fumbling like they were twice their normal size. He found her clit and moved him thumb in a slow circle.

She convulsed around him with a whimper. “Oh Jesus _Christ,_ please, faster…”

Panting against her open mouth, Isaac sped up the circles on her clit. The world spun dizzily around him, and he could barely tell which way was up. The only thing that kept him on the planet was the warmth of Vera’s skin, the heat of her breath on his neck, the growing, unbearable waves of pleasure moving through him, rising whenever she moved against him.

Her head fell back and she moaned. “Oh, _fuck,_ I didn’t know I… could still… Isaac, _fuck…”_

“’m doin’ my best,” he mumbled, pressing his face against her chest. She wound a hand through his hair and tugged.

“Isaac, _yes,_ Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Isaac, _please…”_

He moaned wordlessly, his climax rising in him as she moved with him, clutching him against her. His hand was pressed between them both.

“Isaac, _fuck,_ I…” Vera shuddered and came with a low cry.

The feeling of her pleasure brought him up right to the crest of his climax, the sound of her helpless moans against his skin, of her arms holding him tightly to her.

She stopped moving, taking deep, sighing breaths as she came down.

Isaac’s climax eluded him. His mouth opened, beyond the edge of sanity. He couldn’t form words. He whimpered wordlessly.

“Hm?” Vera’s voice was low and dark with pleasure.

Isaac’s hands closed around her hips. “V-Vera, I, um,” he panted. _“Please…”_

“Oh.” She laughed, a delighted sound. “I want to… let me do this…” She rolled her hips again.

Isaac gasped with the oversensitivity of his body. She quivered and whined against his neck, and he wondered if she was feeling the same thing. She moved against him, guiding his body up into pleasure again, before he completely came apart, pulling Vera’s mouth against his as he moaned.

They slumped together against the tree, panting and shuddering together. Isaac’s arms came softly around Vera and he held her, gently. His hands moved slowly over her skin, stroking here, pressing here, running his fingers through her hair, kissing against her chest through her shirt.

Their breathing slowed and the sweat started to dry on their skin. Vera still held Isaac tightly against her.

“Um… Vera?” His voice was muffled in her shirt. “Are you… okay?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. “Holy shit. I didn’t know… I could… still…” She sighed. “Thank you, Isaac. That was, um. That was really good.”

He felt drops in his hair. Confused, he reached up and pulled her gently back. He couldn’t tell, but it looked like two tears rolled down her cheeks. His head swam. _Uh… She’s crying from the sex?_ Embarrassment swept through him. _I hope it was good…_

“That was fucking good,” she said.

Isaac’s mind went blank, blissfully forgetting the last thought that had crossed his mind. Without thinking, he pulled her in for a kiss, and she met his lips with an open mouth.

“If it never happens again, is that—”

“That’s fine,” he slurred. “The sex was, um, was good. But no. We’re… um. Don’t wanna make it weird. Never have to. Might get weird, or… I don’t know.” He wasn’t sure what he was saying.

Vera smiled and pulled him close again. “Best friends?” she murmured against his hair.

“Best friends,” he said back.


	32. Chapter 32

_Gavin was home again._

_He knew it immediately. The walls, the pictures on them, the carpet, the light, the smell, it was all exactly how he remembered it. Years ago, or weeks ago? He wasn’t sure. He just knew he was home._

_He wandered through the front door, dragging his fingers along the wall, looking around at the place that seemed frozen in time._

When’s the last time I was here? Years ago, or weeks ago?

_He shrugged and kept moving._

_He passed the grand staircase, disappearing into shadows upstairs. Where his bedroom was, and his parents’ bedroom. And his play room, now turned into a study for when he wanted to work from home. A coat closet to his left. A bathroom to his right. Past a corner, into a living room. A kitchen, off to his right. A room at the end of the hallway, where he had spent hours playing under his father’s desk while he worked._ “Come here, Gavin. Look at this map. We’ll learn the cities together. Soon it’ll be yours.”

_It was exactly the same as he remembered it— Years ago, or weeks ago? What did it matter? It was perfect. He ran his hand along his father’s desk, the low set of drawers along the wall._

_The hair on the back of Gavin’s neck stood up. He heard breathing behind him. Not the kind of breathing that comes from a normal human throat._

_Icy terror poured down his spine as his hands clenched into fists._ No. No no no no no.

_“Gavin.”_

_The sound of his father’s shredded voice clutched Gavin’s heart. A shudder rippled through him. He closed his eyes, praying that if he didn’t look, it would go away. He wouldn’t have to see it. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he felt breath on the back of his neck._

_He spun around in a panic, his hands flying out in front of his face to protect himself. Still several feet away, his father stood, looking at him._

_His throat was completely torn away, gaping raggedly, blood bubbling in the deep tear that disappeared into his neck. His father’s eyes were blank and clouded, like his soul was already gone, as he stood there staring at Gavin._

_Gavin pressed himself back against the drawers, heart beating out of his chest. “D-dad…”_

_His father’s voice gurgled out of him. “Hello, son.”_

_“P-please, no, I don’t…_ please… _”_

_His father grinned. “Want to see me make her good again?”_

_Gavin’s stomach dropped, and he gagged. “No. No no no_ no _I don’t want that. Dad._ No.”

_Gavin blinked._

_There was someone else standing behind his father. She looked like Vera,_ felt _like Vera. He_ knew _she was Vera._

_But her mouth gaped open with razor sharp teeth, pointed and deadly._

_She looked like a_ monster.

_Gavin shivered. “No. No no_ fuck, _Vera, I’m sorry, please_ no… _”_

_His father’s hand closed around Vera’s hair and forced her to her knees._

_“No no no, dad no…” Gavin staggered a step forward, his hand outstretched._

_Vera lunged forward and snapped her teeth at Gavin’s hand._

_He screamed and fell backwards, bashing his head against the drawers behind him. His father barked out a wet, shrieking laugh. “I told you. She’s feral.” He jerked her back to her knees and stared down at her with a smile on his vacant face. “This is why I had to make her good.”_

_“Dad, you…” Gavin got to his feet, forcing down the bile that clawed up his throat as he stared at his father. “You_ made her like this! _”_

_His father chuckled and loosened his hold on Vera’s hair. “You want me to let her go, then? You want me to let her get you?”_

_“N-no, please, just… Why did you…” Gavin choked down tears. “Why did you_ do this? _”_

_“I told you, son,” his father croaked. “I told you from the beginning. What you feel is right, no matter what. They exist to be our—”_

“No!” _Gavin shouted. “They don’t! You… she wouldn’t_ be _this way if you didn’t…” He gasped and his eyes snapped to Vera._

_She was fighting his father’s hold, writhing against the hand in her hair, clawing her way towards Gavin. Her eyes bored into his, and blood dripped down her chin from her teeth. She snarled at him wordlessly._

_“Please,” he whispered to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”_

_Her lips pulled back over her teeth. She broke his father’s hold and threw herself on top of him, snapping at his throat._

“No!”

Gavin pushed away from the weight on top of him, sobbing. “No no no no _no please!”_

“Gavin.” 

He knew that voice. It wasn’t Vera’s. 

_“Gavin.”_

_“No,”_ he whimpered, flailing in the dark. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake…” The weight disappeared, and Gavin slumped back to the bed, sobbing with relief. The light blazed on and Gavin flinched back, covering his eyes. The sheets tightened around him and he thrashed, panicking. 

“For _fuck’s_ sake, Gavin, calm the fuck down. It’s me.”

Gavin shuddered. “I-Isaac?”

“Yeah, dumbass.” Gavin’s eyes slowly focused. Isaac was standing by the door, his arms folded over his chest, his face like a storm cloud. 

Gavin trembled and pulled at the sheets. “I… Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Isaac grit his teeth. “Well, you did. I’m going back to bed.” He reached for the nightswitch. 

Gavin’s stomach lurched. “Isaac, _please.”_ Isaac stopped at whatever he heard in Gavin’s voice. “Can you just… just wait?”

Isaac stared into the hallway, his throat working around a swallow. A muscle stood out in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. 

Tears burned in Gavin’s eyes, and he looked down, mortified. “I… I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m… just really fucking freaked out right now.” 

Isaac dragged his hand across his face. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he mumbled, so quietly Gavin almost missed it. Then he turned and leaned up against the doorframe. “Okay. What do you want?”

_I want to not be so fucking scared all the time._ “Please. I just…” Gavin’s head fell forward into his hands. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.” 

Isaac crossed his arms across his chest. His hands were squeezed into fists. He stared at Gavin with a look that could have been _disgust,_ if there wasn’t that flicker of fear behind it. Gavin’s heart clenched with shame. _Yeah, no shit, dumbass. You fucking tortured him._

_I never broke him, though._

Gavin picked at the bedspread. “I’m sorry it was, um, you.” Gavin stole a glance at Isaac where he stood. 

Isaac’s eyes narrowed. “Sorry _what_ was me?”

“I’m um, sorry you’re the one I woke up. I guess I…” He fell silent. 

Isaac blew out a scornful-sounding breath. “It’s not exactly like you have your pick here of people you haven’t fucking _traumatized._ ”

Gavin swallowed. “I… I know. I’m s—”

_“Don’t,”_ Isaac growled. “Don’t fucking say you’re _sorry._ ”

Gavin chewed his lip. “Then what the fuck do you want me to _say?_ ”

Isaac ground his teeth together and for a moment, Gavin thought Isaac might beat him to death right here. _If I’ve gotta go out some way…_

Instead, Isaac slid to the ground. He pressed his face into his hands. “Ugh.” The sound came out muffled.

Gavin twisted the sheets between his hands, his heart still beating hard in his chest. 

“I…” Isaac dropped his hands and stared at the ceiling. “I want you to say…” Isaac shook his head. “I don’t know what the fuck I want you to say. The damage has been done.” 

Gavin’s throat tightened with a sob. “I… I kn-know I, um, damaged you.” 

Isaac’s eyes snapped to Gavin’s. “Oh, _fuck you._ ”

Gavin swallowed. “I’m sorry.” 

Isaac smoothly got to his feet and took a step towards the bed. “You don’t know fucking _damage._ You don’t know a fucking _thing.”_

Gavin pressed himself back against the headboard. “I—”

_“Shut up,”_ Isaac snapped. “You don’t know how it feels to look at your two best friends and watch them fucking _break_ because of something some entitled, sadistic _asshole_ decided to do because it was a fucking _Tuesday._ You don’t know how it feels to watch every single person you love dragged into the middle of a room and tortured in the _worst possible way._ You don’t know a fucking _thing.”_ Isaac’s hands curled into fists. “Do you _fucking understand?_ ”

A tear escaped to run down Gavin’s cheek and he nodded, cringing backways. “Yes. I’m… I’m _sorry.”_

Isaac’s body shuddered forward. “I don’t understand why Gray won’t let me fucking _kill you._ ”

Gavin held a hand out in front of him. As if he could protect himself from Isaac. As if he could _try._ “P-please don’t.” 

Isaac squeezed his eyes shut, his chest heaving. _“Fuck,”_ he whispered. He blew out a slow, forceful breath. _“Fuck.”_ He took a step back. Then another. He opened his eyes. His face was pulled into such a look of _anguish_ that Gavin felt it like a physical pain. Isaac fell back another step, against the doorframe, and slid to the floor again. 

Gavin cast around for something that would be helpful to say. 

“Um…” He bit his lip. “I’m… I’m not a sadist anymore?”

Isaac looked murderous. 

_Oh. I fucked up._

Gavin frantically backpedaled. “Oh, fuck. I mean, um, I… I won’t do it again. And… and I don’t _want_ to do it again. I just want—” He cut himself off as Isaac turned an alarming shade of red. Gavin’s mouth snapped shut. 

“What,” Isaac snarled through his teeth, “Do you want. I’m _dying_ to fucking know.” 

Gavin’s vision blurred with tears. He bit down hard on his lip, trying to keep the tears from spilling. _If I tell him, he’s going to kill me._

_He’s never going to fucking trust me until I do._

Gavin swallowed, pressing the sleeves of his sleeping shirt against his eyes. “Um. I…” He blew out a shaky breath, considering for a moment it might be his last. “I… just… want to feel like I have a family again.” 

Gavin held his breath. Waited for Isaac to launch himself across the room and bash his skull in like he so looked like he wanted to do just about constantly. Gavin didn’t move an inch. Waiting. 

He started to get dizzy from the lack of oxygen. He dragged in a gasp and dared to peek over his hands at Isaac’s face. 

Isaac had gone a ghostly white, looking at Gavin with something that surpassed horror. Gavin’s heart sunk in his chest. 

“And you want… you want… _my family?”_ Isaac rasped. His lips trembled.

“I don’t want to… to _steal them,_ or anything, I mean…” Gavin wrapped his arms tight around his chest. “I mean…” He shook his head. “I thought…” His voice wavered. He tried again. “Everything about my family was, um. Was a lie. I thought they loved me. I thought they… they gave a _fuck_ about me. But I’m, um… I’m starting to realize… they only ever loved me when I was, um. Like _them._ They… they ignored me when I did anything else. When I, um. _Wanted._ Anything else. And I…” He gasped, holding his hand out to Isaac. “I’m not trying to say I had it worse. Okay? I’m not. I swear. But… I never knew there was, um, anything else. I should have fucking known, okay? But… it… um… h-hurting people was, was all I was ever good at. And I was _good at it._ I never had to do anything else. I never had to, um, learn to be anything else. And then… when I didn’t want that anymore…” Gavin swallowed the burning sensation in his throat and closed his eyes. “Um… as soon as I was, um, someone else, someone who was, um, broken, they… _she…_ threw me out. But you…” Gavin shuddered, sure he was pushing too far, that he would say the wrong thing, that he would ruin everything more than it had already been ruined. “Everyone’s, um, broken. Here. And you all…” He couldn’t say it. 

“We _what?_ ” 

Gavin opened his eyes and looked at Isaac. He had his hands at his sides, still curled into fists, his breaths moving fast through his chest. Gavin steadied his breath. 

“Everyone’s broken here. And you all still love each other.” 

Isaac leaned back against the doorframe, his eyes still fixed on Gavin. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and breathed slow. 

Gavin swallowed hard. “And I want that, too.” 

Isaac opened his mouth to speak. Closed it. Opened it. Closed it again. 

Gavin buried his face in his hands. _Fuck._

“You wanted a family, so you went and found the family you tortured?” There was something in Isaac’s voice Gavin couldn’t place. He didn’t raise his head. 

“You are, um, good people. Good people are easy to hurt but, um, I don’t want to, uh, hurt you.”

“You almost took my family away from me,” Isaac whispered. “Do you fucking remember that? Is that even real to you?”

Gavin lifted his head. The pain that dragged at Isaac’s face made Gavin’s throat tight. 

“Do you fucking remember holding a gun to Sam’s head and telling me you’d kill them if I didn’t fucking _torture them?_ My fucking _sibling?_ ”

Gavin clenched his teeth together. He nodded. 

“Do you remember torturing my _best friend_ with the man who raped her and tortured her for _months?_ ” 

Gavin opened his mouth to speak.

“Don’t fucking say you didn’t know about the rapes. I’ve already fucking heard it. If you didn’t know, then you’re an idiot.”

“I _am_ an idiot, Isaac,” Gavin whispered. “That’s what I’ve tried to fucking _tell you._ ”

Isaac laughed once, bitterly, and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “Are you even the same fucking _person?_ ”

Gavin swallowed. “Yeah. Just… minus everything that made me who I was, yeah.”

Isaac snorted. “Then there wasn’t much to you in the first place, was there?”

Gavin’s mouth twisted. “Don’t be an asshole, Isaac.” 

“God forbid there be two in the room,” Isaac snapped. 

Gavin laughed tightly, darkly. “See, this is why I—” _OH GOD DON’T FUCKING SAY THAT._

“Why you _what?_ ” Isaac’s eyes narrowed.

— _why I loved torturing you. The rapport._ Gavin shook his head. “Can I just say it was something really, really stupid that I don’t wanna say and call it good?”

Isaac stared at him for a moment, then let his head thump back against the doorframe. “Sure. Why the fuck not.”

Gavin breathed out a desperate sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he wheezed. 

Isaac tapped his fingers against his legs. After a moment, he said, “Dare I ask what your fucking nightmare was about?”

Gavin’s eyes widened. “Um. No. Oh no no no.” _He really_ will _kill me. I can’t fucking tell him that._

Isaac tilted his head. “No, I really wanna know. What scares Gavin fucking Stormbeck?” His tone was taunting, but he wasn’t radiating the murderous rage Gavin always seemed to cause in him. 

“Um…” Gavin closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again as an image of Vera with teeth like a fucking anglerfish flashed through his mind. “Ugh. Fuck. You have to, um, promise not to get mad.”

Isaac’s face darkened. “No I fucking don’t.” 

Gavin bit his lip. “Well, I… I can’t fucking _help_ what my subconscious thinks of, right?”

Isaac said nothing, just stared at Gavin with a snarl on his face. 

Gavin’s head thumped back against the headboard. “Fucking fine.” Just thinking of it made his stomach clench with fear. “Um… I had a dream I was um, at my house, where Vera, um… Where my, uh, dad was killed. And he was there, looking all bloody and fucking horrifying. And Vera was there, too, looking like a fucking… well, like a fucking nightmare, with sharp teeth and shit, like she always does…” 

“Wait… ‘like she always does’?” Isaac’s eyes narrowed. 

“I, um.” Gavin looked down at the bedspread thinking, for not the first time tonight, that this is when Isaac would kill him. “I’ve, um, ha-had nightmares about Vera, um, killing my dad. Every…” He drew in a deep breath and blew it out. “...every fucking night.” 

Isaac leaned back, considering that. “Oh. Holy shit.” A smile quirked at his lips. “She’d be fucking thrilled to know that.” 

“Yeah, I bet she fucking would,” Gavin grumbled. He glanced up and saw Isaac’s eyes fixed on him again. _Agh, fuck._ He shook his head and kept going. “So she, um, was there, with my dad, and my d-dad said he would, um, let her…” Another slow breath. “Let her get me if I didn’t want to…” Gavin’s eyes flicked to Isaac’s again. _Yup. He’s gonna fucking murder me for this._ “He said he would let her get me if I didn’t, um, want to watch him…” He squeezed his eyes shut, terrified to look at Isaac while he said it. “... _make her good.”_

Gavin flinched back, eyes still desperately squeezed shut, at Isaac’s soft intake of breath. He braced himself, shivering against the headboard. 

Nothing moved for a moment. 

_“And what the fuck did you say?”_ Isaac growled at him. 

“I… I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to stop.” Gavin shuddered. “I just wanted him to fucking _stop._ ” 

For a moment there was nothing but the sound of their breathing. 

There was a rustle of movement and Gavin’s eyes flew open. Isaac stood from his spot against the doorframe and leaned against the wall. 

“I…” Isaac said softly. He wet his lips and tried again. “I don’t know how I can ever _trust you._ ”

_Let me earn it._

_Can I earn it?_

_I want to earn it._

“I… I know.” Gavin’s voice creaked out of him, heavy with sadness. 

“No. Do you understand what you’ve done to me and my family?”

Gavin was silent. 

Isaac shook his head. “I don’t know how I can trust you,” he said again, quieter. He turned to leave, his hand reaching for the lightswitch. 

“No, _please,”_ Gavin breathed. 

Isaac paused in the doorway. 

Gavin swallowed. “L-leave the, um, the light on. Please.” 

Isaac dropped his hand and left. 


	33. Chapter 33

When Gavin woke in the morning, he had the oddest feeling someone had just been there in the room with him. He looked around blearily, eyes moving around the room, his skin feeling too-tight and warm. Like someone had just touched him. Like he could still feel their hand on his skin.

He rolled to his side, groaning as the motion stretched the still-healing cane marks on his back, and swung his legs off the side of the bed. He scrubbed his eyes with his fists. He felt heavy and slow, exhausted by his night of terrible sleep. Unsettled about the nightmare. Even more so by Isaac’s presence after it.

He didn’t know what to feel about Isaac. What was there to feel about someone good, someone so strong and honest, someone Gavin had hurt so deeply? He still didn’t think he’d broken Isaac. How could he, when he’d seen over and over since he’d found the team how strong Isaac still was? How devoted to his family? To keeping them safe? _Broken_ would have meant Isaac betraying them. _Broken_ would have meant Isaac caring more about keeping himself safe than about his loyalty to them.

_Broken_ couldn’t mean anything else.

But that _wasn’t_ all that Isaac was. He was more than his devotion to his family. So much more than that.

No, Isaac was an entire lifetime of being hurt by the people who should have kept him safe. Isaac was death, and abuse, and pain. Isaac was being trained to be a weapon by the first people to care about him after his dad died. Isaac was desperation. Isaac was protection. Isaac was survival.

Under all that, Isaac was _kind._

_After everything I’ve done to him, after everything I’ve done to his family, he still sat with me last night. He still came to me when I woke him up with my screaming, and stayed._

_I’ve been a fucking monster to him and he still at least acted like he cared._

Gavin rolled his neck, blowing out a slow breath. Isaac could have been faking it. Could have been pretending, putting up with Gavin until he thought he could leave without Gavin waking him up again. He could have been coddling Gavin because he thought Gavin needed that now. 

Maybe he thought Gavin was broken now, too. Maybe he thought Gavin was weak.

_I mean, shit, I am._

Despite everything he’d been fucking _handed_ in his life, he couldn’t do what Isaac could do. He couldn’t prioritize other people. He couldn’t push through crazy amounts of pain. He couldn’t single-handedly protect an entire family of people, and ask nothing in return. He couldn’t sacrifice himself the way Isaac had. He couldn’t even sacrifice himself for his own _mother._ Not even to make her happy. Not even after he killed his own dad, or was responsible enough for it that it didn’t matter.

He couldn’t even stop hurting people, even after seeing they were truly fucking good. He couldn’t stop hurting people just because he wanted mommy and daddy to love him. 

No. It was more than that. He couldn’t stop hurting people because he fucking _liked_ it, and needed his brain scrambled to make him _stop._

After everything Isaac had been through, he’d never become a sadist. After losing both his parents, after being fucking _abused_ by his mother, he still prioritized other people. _My parents never abused me. They didn’t exactly love me super well, but they never abused me._

After being handed everything for his entire fucking life, after only giving up torturing people once the pleasure it gave him had been _ripped_ out of his head with Vera’s teeth, Gavin still couldn’t be as good as Isaac. Sometimes he carried around a hate for himself that went so deep it made his bones ache. Sometimes – like now, his hands pressed to his face, his skin aching in all the places he had hurt and battered and _broken_ Isaac – he felt like nothing. 

But Isaac?

Isaac was _everything_.

He shook his head to clear that thought. 

_Isaac isn’t everything. He’s just one of the first people who’s ever stood up to my bullshit before._

He pushed himself out of bed and stood, swaying for a moment as his head went fuzzy. _Ugh. That nightmare fucked me up worse than I thought._

As he crossed to the chest of drawers against the wall, he passed in front of the mirror hanging on the wall. He kept his eyes down like he always seemed to these days. The scars on his face didn’t _bother_ him, he told himself, over and over and _over_ since Isaac had put him in the hospital. Why would they bother him? They made him look sexy. Dangerous. _Right?_

He ran his hand over his face, his fingers lingering on the slight indentation of a scar across his cheekbone. Across the bridge of his nose. Stretching from the corner of his eye out to his temple. They were so much better than they had been months ago, before the purely cosmetic surgeries had smoothed them out, rearranged his face a little, so it was closer to how it had been before Isaac had fractured Gavin’s skull with his fist. 

He lifted his chin and forced himself to look into the mirror. He forced his eyes to move over the lines on his face, the slightest way his left eye pulled a tiny bit higher than the right at the corner, the scar there puckering his skin. He forced himself to look carefully at the damage Isaac had done so he could save Sam. At the damage he’d been _forced_ to do. At the damage he would never have done, otherwise.

_That’s because Isaac doesn’t damage people on purpose._

He pulled his sleeping shirt off over his head and turned away from the mirror, averting his eyes from his body. His body that was completely clear of scars. _God dammit. God_ fucking _dammit. Why am I so fucking stuck on this this morning?_

He pulled a drawer open and reached for the first thing he saw. He pulled the shirt on over his head. He quickly changed his underwear, and his pants. He turned and put his hand on the doorknob. 

He took a deep breath. He always needed to steel himself before seeing the others. Whether it was Ellis’s glares or Vera’s snarl whenever she talked to him or Isaac’s fucking _fear,_ he always hated the reactions he caused in the others. He wondered, briefly, how long it would take for them to stop seeing the sadist in him, the torturer. How long it would take for them to start seeing the broken fucking idiot he knew he was now. He stood at the door, wearing clothes the others had bartered for from the people who lived in this little town. Even after everything, they were still clothing him. Feeding him. For the most part, including him. He squeezed his eyes shut. Took another deep breath. Pulled the door open.

Immediately the smell of frying bacon and eggs wafted over him. His stomach growled and he licked his lips, head turning in the direction of the kitchen. He closed his door and padded out into the hall. 

As he walked into the kitchen he nearly collided with Edrissa. She squeaked and leaped away from him, all but hiding behind Vera. Vera smirked a little as he walked in and tried to push down her smile. 

The whole family was either packed into the kitchen or seated at the barstools that lined the counter looking in, talking gently and laughing. Isaac and Sam were busy at the stove, cooking breakfast like an industrial machine. Tori was toasting an entire loaf of bread in their small toaster, adding the slices to a plate that was already stacked high. Finn and Ellis were squeezing oranges – real _oranges,_ for Christ’s sake – into a massive pitcher on the counter, a slice in each of their mouths, their lips pulled back over them in giant orange grins. Their faces fell for a moment when Gavin walked in.

He ducked his head. “Um. Good… good morning.”

There was a moment of excruciating silence, the only sound coming from the sizzling food on the stove. The toaster popped up, making all of them jump.

“Morning, Gavin,” Gray said gently from their barstool.

Gavin glanced at them, his eyes jerking back down to the floor as he met their eyes. Every time he looked at them, every _fucking_ time, he felt a sharp lance of guilt, worse almost than when he looked at anyone else. He had shot Gray. With his own hand. With his own gun. And Gray had been the first one to pull Isaac off of him when Isaac had nearly killed him at the safehouse. Gray had been the one to let him grieve his father at the funeral. Gray had been the one to kneel next to Sam in the dirt and comfort him with them for everything he’d lost. 

He swallowed hard. “Um. Good morning.” 

Sam looked over from where they were stirring some scrambled eggs. “Do you, um, want some coffee?”

Gavin’s face flushed with a mix of shame and gratitude. “Um. Yeah. Thank you. Um…” He lifted his eyes to look around the kitchen. “I could have, um. I’m sorry. I would have, uh, helped, with breakfast, I just didn’t…”

“It’s okay,” Isaac said from where he stood over the pan of bacon. “We wanted to let you sleep. You had a rough night.”

Gavin’s face blushed a furious red. He stared down at the floor, his eyes watering with the depth of his embarrassment. “Oh.” He glanced up in time to catch a look between Isaac and Vera, something on both their faces that he couldn’t read. “Um. Thank you.”

“Now that you’re here, though, lazy-ass, you can set the table.” Vera passed Gavin a stack of plates and silverware. 

Gavin’s fingers fumbled and he nearly dropped the stack. _Isaac told them all about my fucking nightmare. He told them I have nightmares about Vera. He told them I’m so fucking weak I asked him to stay, I asked him to stay, why the_ fuck _did I do that…?_

He swallowed, looking up at Vera with a hint of terror in his eyes. “Okay.” He walked out of the kitchen to the dining room and set the plates in front of each chair around the two long tables the family had pushed together, end to end. His skin prickled with humiliation as he tried desperately not to imagine everyone’s eyes on his back, imagining them smirking about his nightmare and his fear. He straightened the knives and forks until they were perfectly spaced around the plates, dreading every moment before he would have to face them all around the table, their eyes averted from him, their voices hushed around him… 

Ellis walked by him carrying the pitcher of juice in one hand and some cups in the other. Finn carried some more cups in both hands. Gray came after them, carrying only their own cup. _I remember where I shot them. Their wound was worse than mine._

He walked past the steady stream of the whole family as they filed into the dining room, carrying huge plates of eggs and bacon and toast, laughing, making plans for the day. It’s Sunday, Gavin remembered. That’s why they were eating breakfast together like this. They’d done it that way last Sunday, too. And the Sunday before that.

He walked back into the kitchen to get his own cup of coffee. _I should just grab my plate and eat in here. They don’t want to fucking see me. They won’t want me around. Jesus fucking Christ,_ I _wouldn’t want me around…_ He froze when he realized he was alone in the kitchen with Isaac.

Gavin’s throat got tight with panic and shame as he made his way to the coffee maker. For a moment, he considered turning around and going to his room with his coffee, to emerge when everyone was done. He hoped there would be leftovers.

“What?”

Gavin turned and saw Isaac staring right at him.

_Fuck._

Isaac cocked his head, a strange look on his face. “What?” he repeated.

_What if I just fucking jumped out the window? I wouldn’t have to talk to him then._

“Um…” Gavin’s voice was shaking. The window was sounding like a better and better idea. “Uh…”

“I didn’t tell them,” Isaac said gently.

The mug in Gavin’s hand clattered to the counter.

Isaac’s eyes flicked to Gavin’s hand and back up to his face. 

“Um…” Gavin’s voice broke. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “W-why not?”

Isaac leaned back against the counter, his eyebrows pulling together. “Why would I?”

“Uh…” The window was _right there._ “Because… um…”

“I told Vera. But only because I thought it would make her feel better around you.”

Gavin’s face fell into his hands. “Oh, fuck. Oh, no.”

A soft laugh. “She’s not mad.”

“She doesn’t have to be _mad,_ now that she knows, she… she…” Gavin heaved a deep breath. “Oh, fuck.” His head snapped up, a sudden question burning on his tongue. “Did you tell them you… um…”

“...stayed?” Isaac’s gaze was steady on Gavin’s face.

Gavin dropped his head forward. “Yeah.”

Isaac was quiet for so long Gavin thought maybe he hadn’t heard him. He looked up and Isaac was looking at the floor, biting his lip. After another moment, he shook his head. “No.”

“Oh.” Vague relief washed through Gavin’s limbs. 

Isaac looked up at him again. He licked his lips. “You know we aren’t all… waiting for a reason to kick you out, right? Or… or kill you, or something?”

Gavin let out a hysterical peal of laughter. “What?”

Isaac rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean… If you betray us, yeah, we’ll kill you, but…” He waved his hand in the general direction of the dining room. “We aren’t… I mean…” He sighed. “We aren’t all… _out to get you,_ Gavin. We’re not…”

_...like me._

“Ellis hates me,” Gavin whispered. “And Vera. And Edrissa. And I understand—”

“Vera doesn’t hate you,” Isaac said.

Gavin scoffed. “Yeah she—”

“She’s my best friend,” Isaac said, his eyes back on Gavin’s face. “I know her better than you do. She doesn’t hate you. She’s wary of you, she’s definitely in line to kill you if you betray us, but she doesn’t _hate_ you.” 

“But I—”

“Gavin…” Isaac pinched the bridge of his nose. “Will you stop being a dumbass for all of two fucking seconds and stop trying to convince me we should all want you dead? We have plenty of reason to, okay? We don’t need you to convince us.” 

Gavin’s mouth snapped shut.

Isaac drew in a deep breath. “Look. This is a weird fucking situation, okay? I get it. Probably weirder for us than it is for you.”

_I doubt that._

“But after what you said last night…” Gavin’s face flushed red again at Isaac’s words. Isaac leaned back against the counter. “I didn’t...” Isaac shook his head. “I didn’t know all that. About your parents. About the nightmares. I didn’t realize you, um…” Isaac fell silent. “Anyway. It just… gave me a lot to think about.”

“So… what did you tell them?” Gavin’s voice shook.

Isaac shrugged. “I told them you had a rough night, we talked, and I don’t think you’re gonna hurt us.”

Gavin’s eyes went wide. “You told them we _talked?_ ”

Isaac’s eyes narrowed. “Why wouldn’t you want them to know that?”

_Because if they know we talked they’ll think I’m fucking lying to you. That I’ve tricked you somehow._

_Or maybe they’ll think other things._ Gavin wasn’t sure exactly he was scared about the team thinking about what he’d said to Isaac, but… His gut burned faintly with dread.

“I just…” Gavin licked his lips. “I’m just… worried… they won’t trust me.”

“Fuck, Gavin, _I_ don’t think I trust you. But… I do a little more. Now. I guess.”

Gavin’s face fell into his hands. “Oh. Fuck, I… Fuck. I don’t know what to think. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Isaac was quiet for a moment. “This… whatever _this_ is…” Gavin’s head snapped up and he saw Isaac gesturing between Gavin and the dining room. His heart stuttered. “...will be a lot easier if I can trust you, Gavin. I don’t know if I can. Or if I… if I _should._ But I’m glad we talked last night. I’m glad I know all that about your parents.” A grin flashed across his face. “I’m glad I know you’re scared of Vera.”

“Who fucking wouldn’t be?” Gavin muttered under his breath. He sagged back against the counter. 

Isaac chuckled. “Hell, I’m scared of her.” He shrugged. “We should get to the table. They won’t wait for us and I want there to be food left.” He pushed himself away from the counter and left the kitchen.

Gavin groaned and pressed his face into his hands, bracing his elbows up against the counter. 

_Isaac wants to trust me._

Gavin’s chest ached. He wanted Isaac to trust him, more than he wanted almost anything else. 


	34. Chapter 34

“Um. Is anyone gonna eat the last piece of bacon?” Gavin’s gaze flicked around the table, barely resting on each person before he stared back at the table and up again. Gray smiled at him. Sam shook their head. Vera crunched her own piece of bacon.

Ellis wouldn’t look at him at all.

“Um.”

Gavin flinched slightly as Finn spoke up from the other end of the table.

“I’ll um. Split it with you.” Finn looked down at the lone piece of bacon on the plate, twisted and just a little burnt. They looked up at Gavin. A tight, uncomfortable smile pulled at their mouth.

Gavin heaved a deep breath. “Yeah. Yes please.” He reached for the bacon and broke it in half with his fork. He grabbed the smaller half and pushed the plate towards Finn.

_Even after everything I’ve done, they’re still trying to include me. Is there a fucking limit to how_ good _they all are?_

Finn took the piece and ate it in one bite. They crunched it happily and threw a grin at Ellis. Ellis wouldn’t look at Finn, either. Gavin stared at the table.

Gray cleared their throat and stood. “Thank you for breakfast,” they said with a smile around the table. “I’m going to go for a walk, see if I can get my heart rate up a bit. Anyone who wants to can join me.” As if dismissed by Gray’s words, everyone else stood, grabbing their plates, talking about what they were going to do for the rest of the day.

“I wanted to go into town and see if there are any new arrivals,” Tori said softly, bumping Vera’s arm. “Do you want to come with me?”

Vera wrapped her free arm around Tori’s shoulders, resting lightly to avoid the marks from the cane that Gavin had left. Gavin winced at the memory of breaking Tori’s skin open.

“Yeah babe,” Vera said, pressing a kiss into Tori’s hair. “Sounds good.”

“Can I come?” Edrissa whispered at Vera’s elbow.

Tori and Vera smiled at each other. “Yeah,” Vera said, grinning. “We can all go.”

Gavin shuffled uncomfortably as he walked to the kitchen with his plate and put it in the sink. He wouldn’t be going anywhere. Since arriving at Crayton, he’d been under house arrest on pain of torture and death if he ever left. And not even just his torture and death. The whole family would fall if he betrayed them, even just by leaving the house for a minute.

Not that house arrest was like torture; staying in this big ranch house with the others had given him a sense of security he didn’t think he’d ever felt before. But he did miss the outside. He missed the ability to go wherever he wanted, anywhere in his parents’ territory, whenever he pleased. He missed the freedom.

He hated to admit that he missed being the heir to the fucking kingdom.

He shook his head and turned the tap on hot as the rest of them piled their plates and cups by the sink. Since he hadn’t helped with breakfast, he’d be on dish duty. He didn’t mind. Even being included in the chores the family did made him feel safer. He was working with them. Even if it was doing something as mundane as washing dishes.

He had his back to the kitchen as he rinsed the first plate, trying not to listen as the others filed one by one out of the kitchen behind him. Off to their adventures. Off to their lives, where he couldn’t follow.

_I don’t need to fucking follow. I came here as a hostage to give them information about the syndicates. I’m lucky not to be in fucking chains right now._

He wasn’t sure when he started referring to people like his own family as ‘the syndicates.’

He wasn’t sure when he started thinking of these people as his family.

He wasn’t sure if they would ever feel the same way about him.

His shoulders relaxed as the kitchen became quiet behind him. At least when he was alone, he didn’t have to worry about scaring anyone or making anyone feel threatened or accidentally triggering someone into hurting him. Or killing him. If he had to be completely honest with himself, that’s probably how he was going to die. Someone living in this house was going to kill him one day.

He couldn’t bring himself to feel scared of that moment. Every day he’d been here, someone had shown him in some small way that that possibility was fading. The sharp tone in Gray’s voice had dropped away. Last week Sam had brought him chocolate from a trip into town. Finn had shared that piece of bacon with him.

Isaac had stayed with him when he was scared last night.

Sure, Ellis hated him and Edrissa looked at him like she was waiting for him to launch himself against the room and start beating her at any moment. Sure, Isaac’s hands twitched to his waistband when Gavin moved too fast, even though Isaac never carried his gun on him in the house. Sure, every time he entered a room the conversation died down for a moment, and sometimes stopped altogether.

Despite all that, despite every moment of awkwardness and guilt and wondering if today was going to be the day someone’s fear or rage would overcome them and they’d kill Gavin for all the crimes he’d committed against the family… He felt safer here than he ever had before in his life. The people here cared about each other. Would die for one another.

And Gavin couldn’t quite convince himself that they could all be faking the small kindnesses they showed him.

Gavin chewed his lip, realizing that he’d been scrubbing the same plate clean for the past several minutes. He put the plate on the dry towel next to the sink and reached for another.

“So I hear you’re scared of me.”

Gavin let out a shriek and spun, pressing himself back against the sink as he realized he was now alone in the kitchen with _Vera._

_Welp, I guess I’m dying today._

Vera laughed at his reaction, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking him up and down. Gavin flushed, mortified. His hands shook with the realization that Vera had cornered him in the only room in the house with a linoleum floor. _Oh, shit. She’s gonna bleed me out, too._

Vera’s gaze pierced through him and his mouth went dry. He swallowed, trying frantically to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth so he could beg. For what, he didn’t know. Mercy, forgiveness, a fast fucking death, anything. His chest ached as his heart all but threw itself against his ribs. His blood pounded through his ears. His body was locked between warring compulsions: every instinct in him was screaming at him to run, to hide, to get as far as fucking possible from the predator standing between him and the door. His hands clenched into fists, even as he knew he couldn’t fight her.

His muscles locked against him and he froze.

Slowly, the smile slid from Vera’s face.

She raised her hands out to the side, empty, and took a step back. “Jesus Christ, Gavin. Breathe. You’re good.”

Gavin dragged in a ragged inhale and realized he’d been holding his breath. He slumped back against the counter, the rushing of the hot water making its way back into his ears.

“Jesus Christ,” Vera breathed. “Isaac wasn’t fucking kidding.”

“About what?” Gavin said thickly.

Vera’s gaze moved over him, uncertainty passing over her face. “About you being scared of me. Like… Jesus. You’d think I’m the one who tried to kill you or something.”

“You _did_ try to kill me,” he mumbled through numb lips.

Vera huffed out a breath. “Fair enough. You had it coming.”

“Yeah, I fucking know.” Gavin’s jaw locked tight and he stared at the floor.

Seconds ticked by before Vera spoke again. “Do you… do you really have nightmares about me every night?” Her voice was low, gentle.

His eyes blinked shut for a moment and he blew out a slow breath. “Yeah. Yeah I fucking do. But I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? I don’t wanna talk about why. Because I know my dad was a terrible fucking person and I know he hurt you and I know I deserve every fucking nightmare because of what I did to you and Tori and what I was _going_ to do to you…” His eyes burned with tears. “Okay? I fucking _know it._ So can we just—”

“Whoa whoa whoa, Gavin, stop.” He looked up at her. She had her hands up in a placating gesture. “Just… slow down. Okay?”

Gavin sniffed. “Okay.” He reached behind him to turn off the water. He wouldn’t meet Vera’s eyes.

They stood together in silence for so long Gavin’s legs began to fall asleep. Finally, he raised his gaze up to Vera. She chewed her lip, staring at the floor, her eyebrows pulled together. She opened her mouth to speak.

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for torturing and collaring Tori.”

Gavin wilted. “I know. I’m—”

Vera held up her hand. “Just… shut the fuck up, for a second? Please?”

Gavin flinched at the words, but relaxed a little at the gentle tone they came in. He nodded.

Vera looked down at the floor and crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for what you did to Tori. But I… I want you to stop beating yourself up for what you did as a kid. Okay? You’ve got so much other shit to atone for. At least let that thing go.”

Gavin drooped, his eyes sliding closed.

“Look…” Vera paused. Gavin looked up at her as her face twisted. “I don’t know what went fucky in your head to make you like hurting people. Okay? I don’t. I don’t really care, either. And I don’t know what made you stop. Like I said, I don’t really care. But I know you couldn’t help how you were raised. I don’t know how they were to you. I don’t really want to know. But I… I… I guess what I’m trying to say is…” She met Gavin’s gaze and held it. “I know what it’s like to turn into something twisted trying to be good for Joseph Stormbeck.”

A chill hit Gavin in the gut like a fist and he gasped. She looked at him steadily, watching as he stumbled, watching his eyes fill with tears. _I just wanted to be good for him. I just wanted to be good and he used that. Like I was a fucking_ plaything.

“Yeah,” Vera murmured, her gaze still on Gavin’s face. “I thought that would resonate.”

Gavin shuddered and a strangled sob heaved out of his chest. The room blurred with his tears, a band constricting around his throat until he thought he would choke. Vera’s eyes went wide. He pressed a hand to his mouth and he latched onto the counter, afraid he would fall. He swallowed once, trying to relieve the pressure in his throat. Swallowed again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, as soon as he could speak. “Have fun in town. If anyone asks I’m finishing the dishes later.” He pushed past Vera and dashed from the kitchen, barely making it to his room before he erupted in furious sobs.


	35. Chapter 35

Vera closed the car door, slightly dazed. It took her a moment to realize Tori was staring at her. “What?”

“How’d it go?” Tori said, her eyebrows pulled together in concern. She reached out and squeezed Vera’s hand.

“Um…” Vera licked her lips. “That boy’s _real_ fucked up.”

“Hm.” Tori regarded Vera carefully. “What does that mean?”

“I mean…” Vera threw a glance back at Edrissa, already in the back seat. She was leaning forward, holding onto Vera’s every word. “I mean… He’s terrified of me. Like, _terrified._ Like, nightmares about me every night terrified. And… his parents really fucked him up. I mean… they… I don’t mean his dad _made_ him a sadist, but… he definitely made sure Gavin felt like he had no other choice. I um… hit on something with him, I think. I told him I understood becoming something bad for Joseph Stormbeck. And he, um… ran to his room. He’s sobbing in there right now.”

“Gavin’s a bad person,” Edrissa whispered from the back seat. She wrapped her arms around her middle and squeezed. “He, um, he hurt you.” She looked at Tori. “And you.”

“I know he did,” Tori said softly, her hand going to brush her neck. The bruises were gone now.

“Pain makes you do bad things,” Vera whispered, her gaze far away. There was something there. Something swimming beneath the surface. Forms moving in the dark. A whip. A gun. Blood. Death.

“Babe?” Tori squeezed Vera’s hand. “Are you here?”

“I’m here,” Vera mumbled. Every time she reached for the shadows in her mind they skittered away, pushed back by the light of her focus. “I’m just… trying to remember something.”

“Okay.” Tori’s hand stayed in hers.

“Sorry. Um.” Vera shook herself. “I shouldn’t force it. I know that. We can go. If it comes, it comes.”

“Okay.” Tori pulled her hand back and started the car.

The drive was quiet. The ranch house the team was staying in was far on the outskirts of the town, and that was good. It gave them time to rest. Recuperate.

It gave them space from the people who wanted Gavin dead.

The houses became closer together, the yards smaller, as they entered Crayton proper. Business. Shops. Restaurants. Things that seemed so foreign now. Things Vera never thought she would see again.

Tori pulled up to the town hall and parked. Vera stared out the window, unaware that they had stopped until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped.

“Sorry, babe,” Tori mumbled, and pulled her hand back.

“No no. I’m good. Sorry. It’s just…” Vera shook her head. “There’s something coming up. I’m not sure what. It’s kinda big.”

“We can go back if you need,” Tori said. “We can come another day. It’s okay.”

“No.” Vera reached over and took Tori’s hand. “I want to get out. It gets claustrophobic in that house. And I don’t want to be here on a week day. I don’t want to see that Daniel asshole.”

A look of irritation crossed Tori’s face. “Yeah. If we never see him again, that would be fine.” They all got out of the car.

As they walked up to the front door of the hall, Edrissa drifted to Vera’s side. Vera smiled, her lips curving up only slightly, hoping Edrissa wouldn’t notice. Vera took Tori’s hand as they climbed the steps and walked inside.

The hall was cool inside, quiet. Their steps echoed through the atrium, going up three floors. Vera wasn’t sure what a small town north of the syndicates needed with such a large town hall, but she didn’t really care. She knew where Tori was headed.

Tori walked slightly ahead of Vera and Edrissa, her shoulders tensing with excitement. It made Vera smile to see Tori so happy about new arrivals. Every one, a life saved. Every one, a life preserved. Once the team went south to fight the syndicates again, Tori would be helping people full time again. She’d run a safehouse out of the house the team was staying in now. She would help people heal, recover, before they were sent out to their permanent homes. Vera’s heart swelled with pride.

She pushed down the feeling of sadness that swelled in her, too. Over the past few weeks, Vera had grown comfortable. She loved seeing Tori every day. Loved having her in her arms at night. In her bed, even though she couldn’t bring herself to have sex just yet. Soon she would be back on the road, only seeing Tori during downtime between missions. She missed Tori. She was starting to wonder if maybe staying north wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Tori guided them to the room where the records of the new arrivals were kept. She went straight to the ledger on the small table near the door, the record of every person who passed through Crayton on their way to the places beyond it. Tori turned the page back, her finger brushing over the nine names of the family, placed just a few weeks ago. Vera looked over her shoulder as she browsed. There were only seventeen names on the list after theirs.

“It’s been a slow season.”

The three of them jumped. Edrissa skittered behind Vera, peeking around her as Daniel, his majesty, royal motherfucker himself, stood in the doorway. Vera’s lip curled. _He reminds me of Joseph. That’s why I hate him so much._

Tori had a hand pressed to her chest. “Jesus Christ. Scared us.”

“I’m sorry. I should have announced myself sooner.” Daniel smirked, his cold blue eyes moving over the three of them. “People who’ve been victims of the syndicates are often jumpy. I should have remembered you’re affected too, even though you’ve got one as a pet now.”

Vera’s hand itched towards her hip, where her gun would be if she was wearing her holster. “Say pet again,” she said quietly.

Daniel finally took a step back, raising his hands. “Alright. That was in bad taste. I apologize.” He gestured to the ledger. “You checking on new arrivals?”

“I wanted to know how often you get them,” Tori said quietly. “Once I’ve got the safehouse up and running I’ll—”

“That’s right. You were planning on running a safehouse.” Daniel smiled. “We should discuss that before you make any plans.”

Vera glanced at Tori as her eyes narrowed. “Why?” Tori asked, sounding uneasy.

Daniel crossed his arms over his chest. “The presence of your… _guest…_ complicates your intentions of running a safehouse. Once the rest of you move on, where does he go? Do you intend to send him further north? I expect that will bring a whole new realm of challenges you have not _begun_ to face here.”

Vera was painfully aware that Daniel still stood in the doorway. She was stepping forward before she’d realized she moved. “Speak like a fucking adult, Daniel, and stop trying to be so damned political. _What_ challenges? Is that a threat? What should we expect further north?”

Daniel leveled a smile at her that made her skin crawl. “Very well. I’ll speak like a fucking adult.” He tipped his head towards the door. “Here, our people are used to a constant flow of strangers that may or may not do them harm. Our job is to weed out the threats from the refugees. And believe me, we get our fair share of threats. Your Stormbeck is not the first syndicate agent we’ve had come through here.”

“He’s not an _agent,_ he—”

“But once you go further north, people are much less… understanding. They are _used_ to their safety up there. They are used to not having to think too hard about the syndicates that keep my people up at night. So if you try to take your boy north…” Daniel shrugged. “I think you’ll find more hostility and less willingness to listen.”

Vera’s hands curled into fists. “Right, like your willingness to listen when we first arrived?”

“Vera…” Tori put a steadying hand on her arm.

“Your boy is alive, isn’t he?” Daniel said softly.

“No thanks to you,” Vera snarled. “We’re the ones that had to stop your fucking mob.”

Daniel’s eyes narrowed. “You show… an _astonishing_ level of protectiveness towards him, considering your past.”

Vera’s throat worked as she swallowed. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Daniel licked his lips. “Vera… why did you kill Joseph Stormbeck?”

Vera’s heart froze in her chest. Her face hardened into a look of abject loathing. She smiled when Daniel took the slightest step back. “So that’s what this is about.”

“Daniel, back off,” Tori snapped.

“No, it’s okay,” Vera said coldly, shrugged off Tori’s hand. “You think Joseph fucking Stormbeck fucked me up so much that I still belong to him in my mind. You think I want Gavin to own me now.”

Daniel’s eyes widened a fraction. He pressed his lips together, pitching his voice low. “No, I—”

“You think this whole fucking thing is just about me being fucked up.”

Daniel’s eyes moved over Vera’s face slowly. Finally, he said, “I hope you can understand my confusion.”

“Oh, I do,” Vera seethed. _He’s not Joseph._ “I understand. In your head, once someone is broken, they’re broken. That’s it. No fixing it. It’s why you think I’m defending Gavin. It’s why you refuse to believe he’s changed.”

“I told you that you were free to go once I saw that he’d changed,” Daniel said, the first hint of irritation coming through.

“But not without threatening to torture us to death if we were wrong,” Vera growled, taking another step forward.

“What would you do if it was you, Vera?” Daniel snapped. There was something about his tone that cut right to her soul, made something in her quail and shrink back. Rage boiled in her blood, filling her back up. Making her strong again. “I have an _entire town_ to worry about. What would you do for your family?”

“I think we’re done here.” Vera moved to push past Daniel. He stepped smoothly in front of her and blocked their exit. Vera’s hand went to her hip again. She felt an icy stab of dread in her stomach.

“I didn’t want to have this conversation with you like this,” Daniel said gently, rounding out the sharp edges of his voice. “But I saw you all come in and I wanted to see where you stood. I think I have a good idea of it now.”

“And what is that?” Vera snarled, unconsciously pushing Tori and Edrissa behind her. “Where _exactly_ do you think we stand?”

Daniel wet his lips. “I think it would be unwise for you and your family to bring Gavin Stormbeck further north.”

“We can’t exactly send him home,” Vera said, willing herself to be calm. “They’d kill him, and not before making him tell them about everything he’s seen.”

“You really think they’d kill their own?” Daniel cocked an eyebrow.

“You don’t know the family like I do,” Vera said softly. “Yeah, I fucking do think that. We’ve been watching him for the past few weeks. His parents were _monsters._ What, you thought he just woke up one day and decided torturing people was for him? They… they fucked him up. We’re working to fix him.”

“If you can’t send him north, and you can’t send him south, there is a solution that I would suggest. I could even offer my own services to get it done, if you find the job distasteful.” Daniel shrugged.

Vera’s lip curled. “You said he’d be safe here as long as he stayed with us.”

“I did.” Daniel nodded. “I did say that.” He met Vera’s eyes. “So you’d better keep him with you, wouldn’t you say?”

“What do you think we’ve been doing?” Tori said, stepping out from behind Vera. “We’ve got him going absolutely stir crazy in that house. We’re doing everything we’re supposed to. So what the _fuck_ is this the point of this exercise, other than to piss us off?”

Daniel raised his hands. “It’s my job to stay updated on what goes on in my town,” he said, with good humor. “Your _guest_ poses quite the threat to me and my people. I won’t apologize for continuing to ensure he is being properly handled.”

“You could apologize for being a grade-A prick,” Vera snapped, and pushed past him out of the room.

She didn’t look back until they were out of the building and halfway to the car. Edrissa was practically jogging to keep up with her on her short legs.

“What the _fuck_ was that,” Vera snarled. “What the _fuck._ Why the _fuck_ would he—”

“That went beyond the safety of his people,” Tori said fiercely. “What a piece of shit.”

“Shouldn’t we be careful of him?” Edrissa said softly, her voice shaking. “He’s, um, in charge and…”

“Fuck him and his fucking power,” Vera said darkly, and stopped short when she saw the look on Edrissa’s face. “Hey, I’m… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said it like that to you. I’m sorry.”

Edrissa’s eyes filled with tears. “You’re planning on going south anyway,” she whispered. “But if he says I can’t stay?” She shivered. “I can’t go south. I _can’t._ Not with this.” She pulled her left sleeve up, revealing the now-healed scar where she had been branded over her old tattoo. “If you, um, make him so mad that he says we can’t stay—”

Vera knelt in front of Edrissa and took her shoulders between her hands. “Hey. No. We are _not_ going to let him do that to you. If he says you can’t stay, we’ll just send you further north. We’ll find a place for you.”

“We won’t let you be taken again, Edrissa,” Tori said, pushing Edrissa’s hair back from her face. “No matter what, we will keep you safe.”

“But you’re, um…” Edrissa cringed forward. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…”

“Please,” Vera said softly. “Please tell us. We’re not going to hurt you for saying it. We aren’t going to leave you.” She ducked and met Edrissa’s eyes. “Okay? Please tell us.”

Edrissa’s gaze flicked between Vera and Tori and she bit her lip. “Um…” She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. “You are, um…” She took a step back. “You’re prioritizing Gavin. He could get us all killed and you’re… you’re doing it for, um. For Gavin.”

Vera opened her mouth, and closed it again, just as quickly. Tori took in a quick breath.

“I’m sorry,” Edrissa whimpered. “I’m sorry, you’ve been, um, good to me,” she whispered. “You’ve been, um, nice…”

“Edrissa,” Vera said quietly. Edrissa stopped talking. “You are our family now, too. Even after we send you north, you’re our family. Gavin is…” Vera swallowed hard. “Gavin is with us, but he’s syndicate. He hurt all of us. So if it comes down to it…” She stood, taking a step back so she wouldn’t tower over Edrissa. “If it comes down to it, you are our priority. If he poses a threat, he will be eliminated. Not you. Okay?”

“B-but you don’t think he poses a threat.” Edrissa’s voice was weak.

Vera blew out a slow breath. “No. I don’t,” she said finally. “I think he could… I think he could be one of us some day, too.” Vera shot a glance at Tori. Her lips were trembling. “Babe? I’m sorry, was that… did I…?”

“No,” Tori said softly. “I’m, um, scared of him. And I don’t think that will ever go away. But watching him, knowing how scared he is of you, seeing how he… he _feels…_ guilt, and pain, and… and he _regrets_ it, I truly believe he does…” Tori shuddered, and Vera wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I know what he’s done. Believe me, I fucking know. But… he’s different. Truly different. And I want to believe he could be… good.”

Edrissa sobbed quietly. Tori and Vera both turned to look at her. “But you… you’ll make sure he…?”

“Believe me,” Vera said, a wry smile pulling at her mouth. “If he steps a toe out of line, he’s got a long, long list of people who will kill him instantly.”


	36. Chapter 36

Gavin slammed his door shut and crumpled to the floor in front of it, heaving with sobs. He pushed himself backwards and leaned back against the door, pressing his hand to his mouth, shuddering and rocking forward as each sob broke over him. _“I know what it’s like to turn into something twisted trying to be good for Joseph Stormbeck.”_

He reached out in his mind, reached out for the memories of feeling good when he hurt someone. Cutting Sam. Downing Isaac. Beating Tori. He remembered how it felt, the warm, wrenching glow in his chest that shimmered and moved through him as the sound of their screams rose. He remembered what it was like, even as a creeping nausea began to clutch his stomach at the thought. He remembered how it felt to torture, to maim, to kill.

Tentatively, terrified, he reached out in his mind for a different feeling: the feeling he got when his father told him he was _good._ When his father pet his hair and smiled and pulled him into a hug and said _“you’re my good boy, Gavin.”_ He reached out for the feeling of his father loving him. Approving of him. He reached out and remembered how it felt to have his father’s hands on his shoulders as he smiled at him. Hands Gavin knew now were covered in Vera’s blood.

It was the same feeling.

He lurched forward with a horrified gasp.

But he wasn’t trying to be _good,_ was he? He wasn’t trying to be _good_ when he hurt those people. He wanted it. He _deserved_ the family’s ire, their judgment, their hatred, because he really did _want_ to hurt people. No amount of justification, no amount of _lies_ could ever take that fact away. He liked hurting people, and his father let him. That was that.

_But…_ He cried harder as he let the thought he had quashed weeks ago grow into a fully-fledged idea. _What if Gray had raised me? What if they had found out what I was, found out I was a_ monster, _and helped me? What if they found out I liked hurting people and found a way to love me anyway, without making it_ worse? _Without making me feel like that was the only way to be?_

He slumped to his hands and knees and curled up on his side, his back pressed against the door. He pressed his hand to his mouth to muffle the sound of his sobs. _I can’t fucking let anyone hear this. I can’t let anyone hear me crying and think I’m trying to gain their compassion. I don’t fucking deserve it._ He curled tighter into himself and buried his head in his arms.

_My parents didn’t have to let me do it. They didn’t have to fucking encourage me. It was… it was my responsibility not to, but they…_ He shook his head. It wasn’t their fault, was it? It wasn’t their fault he was the way he was. There was something wrong in _him,_ deep down, deeper than anyone else could go. _I can’t remember ever_ not _being like this. I’ve always been this way. I’ve always been fucked up._

_I’ve always been broken._

It had never, never been a problem before. He was a syndicate son, and syndicate sons took playthings and pets. Syndicate sons played with people in their spare time, just like their parents. It was the way it was, and as far as Gavin knew, the way it always had been. He had never known it not to be true. He had never _not_ been the master of everything he knew. He had never once had to consider that other people didn’t deserve the torture he felt like dealing out. It was like his mother said: he was syndicate, and so everything in the world was at and for his pleasure. It was the way of things. He had never had to – or wanted to – consider anything else.

But now, surrounded by these people who had spent their _lives_ being tortured and used and brutalized and _broken_ by the syndicates… surrounded by them… things were different.

When had he started to care about them? He couldn’t remember a time or a moment where he had decided it. He couldn’t remember looking at any one of them and thinking, _“I care about you now.”_ And yet, it had happened. Somehow, in the past three weeks, it had happened.

He sobbed harder. Now he was surrounded by these people, these decent, kind, _good_ people, and he _cared_ about them. He couldn’t help it. He hadn’t made the decision. He _cared._

And they hated him. For good reason, and he certainly couldn’t blame them, not at all. He couldn’t tell them they were wrong, he was changed, they should get over it and love him now. No. He had hurt them as deeply as one person can hurt another, each and every one of them. Except for Edrissa, but she had been broken, too. Not by his family, he knew that, but by another family so much like his that it didn’t matter. She hated him for his syndicate blood and his syndicate name. And she was right to.

It was easier, before he realized how much he cared for them. It was easier, when he was their prisoner. His days had been filled with a sort of dull, buzzing terror that they could kill him at any moment, and his nights were always shot through with nightmares about Vera coming out of the shadows to slaughter him. But it was _easier,_ knowing they meant little to him, and he meant less to them. It was simple. He was a traitor to his own family, to his own _world,_ and he had nowhere else to go. He had information that could help them, so they were willing to keep him alive. That was it. That was all there was to it.

But now… He cared about them. And that fact changed _everything._

Walking away from his mother had been hard, but it was necessary. Walk away, or die by the hands of the people he had tortured. They may have made it hurt, or they may have done it quickly. Those were the only two possibilities if he had stayed. They would not have listened to his pleas for mercy.

Once he left, more possibilities opened up. Possibilities of him staying alive, of escaping the torture that probably awaited him. He could have gone anywhere. He could have run and found some place, somewhere, where nobody knew his name. 

He hadn’t done it. He still didn’t quite understand why, but he hadn’t done it. He’d sought out the people his mother was going to sell him to. He’d submitted himself to their wills. He’d assumed his value as an informant would have been enough to keep him alive for a while. 

Thinking back, it really was a stupid decision. But he was still alive. They hadn’t tortured him for information, or even really asked. They’d used his knowledge to navigate the syndicate checkpoints, and that was it. That was all. What was he still _doing_ here, if they weren’t going to use him in that way? Things were _harder,_ now. Gavin understood the politics of information. He understood the tightrope he was walking between telling them all what they needed to know, and keeping enough to himself to stay alive.

And yet somehow, he doubted they would kill him once he’d stopped being useful to them. He wasn’t even useful _now._ They didn’t _ask_ him anything. Didn’t _want_ anything from him. So what was he still _doing_ here? Why was he still alive? He knew they didn’t care about him. They couldn’t. They had no reason to. And until very recently, he didn’t care about them, either. 

And then he _did._

He couldn’t explain it.

He hadn’t been lying to Isaac when he’d told him he just wanted to feel like he had a family again. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been so honest in his life. And Isaac hadn’t killed him for saying it, although Gavin had thought he was going to. He couldn’t believe he was still alive, if he really thought about it. 

But the idea that his father had loved him when he hurt people, when he was a _monster_ like him, and no other time? That idea threatened to destroy him. 

He could rebuild himself with this new family, he thought. Maybe they would let him live, even after he’d lived out his _usefulness_ to them. They weren’t the kind to kill people once they’d been used up. They weren’t like _him._

He wasn’t that way any longer, though.

There was no way he could ever prove that to them. He could never really _prove_ he had changed. Vera had broken him, yes. Vera had planted a terror in him that he couldn’t push away, a terror wrapped up in torture and blood and pain that made it so he couldn’t hurt people anymore. She had taken that way.

And he had kept growing. She had ripped out of his life the one thing he was good at, but something else had come in to fill that gap. He wasn’t sure what it was. He still wasn’t sure _who_ he was if he wasn’t a syndicate son, a sadist, the master of his world and everyone in it. He wasn’t sure who he was without torture. But he _was_ someone. He was something else. 

He could be allowed to be someone else, here. These people would let him be something else. They would let him live, be who he was now, this person who didn’t want to hurt people. He never wanted that again. And they could accept that. He was sure of that, now. They weren’t going to kill him, not unless he gave them reason to. Isaac had put himself in the way of a bullet for him when they’d first arrived. Isaac had let the northerners cut him and bleed him just to prove Gavin was broken. Gavin had watched Isaac’s eyes fog over, had watched him leave for a moment as the knife drew his blood. Gavin had watched Isaac go back to is basement, under his knife, under his torture. He’d seen it, before the smell of blood had gripped him with panic. 

But what now? They wouldn’t kill him. But they wouldn’t _care_ for him, either. Ellis wanted him dead, he could see it every time they looked at him, or refused to look at him. Edrissa was terrified of him. With the brand on her skin and the healing scar on her arm where her tracker had been, she was terrified of everything he represented. And Isaac…

For the thousandth time, for the millionth time, Gavin’s thoughts turned to Isaac. _What the fuck am I supposed to do with him?_ He’d hurt Isaac worse than anybody. Isaac’s body was permanently scarred because of him. Isaac’s _mind_ was scarred because of him. If Gavin hadn’t seen the panic attacks for himself, he wouldn’t have believed it. Over and over and over, he’d told himself he hadn’t broken Isaac. He hadn’t made him betray his family. He hadn’t shattered him. 

He couldn’t live with himself if he ever allowed himself to believe he had. 

Isaac was… pure. Isaac was everything that was good, everything that Gavin _wanted._ Isaac was loyal, and strong, and… he was _there._ After everything he’d survived, he was still alive, he was still there for his family. He hadn’t abandoned them. He hadn’t sold them out, or betrayed them. He was _there._

Gavin wanted Isaac to be there for _him,_ too.

He didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t even know what he _felt,_ not if he got down to it. He still felt for Isaac what he had from the start: he valued his strength, his courage, his absolute dedication to being an idiot when it came to his family. He marveled at the lengths Isaac was willing to go for people who weren’t even his own _blood,_ people he _chose_. 

He wanted to see Isaac pushed to his limit. His limit of _what,_ Gavin wasn’t sure.

There was something else there, something new. Something Gavin couldn’t place. Something about how when Isaac cried, Gavin wanted to punch a wall instead of laugh. Something about how he felt when Isaac looked at Vera and held her gaze with a soft smile. Something about how something inside him _ached_ when he thought about Isaac coming to his room last night, drawn by the sound of him screaming. It was almost as if Isaac _cared._

His chest felt like it was being crushed. He wanted Isaac to care, more than he wanted almost anything else. 

A fresh wave of tears poured down his face. He wanted them all to care, not just Isaac. He wanted Gray to… to be _proud_ of him. He wanted Vera to like him, as fucking idiotic as that sounded. He wanted Tori to stop being so scared of him, to understand that he would never hurt her, now. He wanted Finn and Ellis to… to just _accept_ him. Finn had a little, this morning, when they’d shared that piece of bacon. And Ellis had looked like they wished he would choke on it. 

And Sam? Gavin whimpered as he thought about their hand in his during the caning, their hand on his shoulder while he sobbed about losing his father in front of the person his father had raped and terrorized. _Sam_ was the one, maybe the only one, who gave Gavin grace. And Sam was the one who he would have understood the most if they chose to hate him. 

Except for Isaac. Gavin would have understood that more. And yet he didn’t _want_ Isaac to hate him. The thought made his chest ache. He’d never wanted to be someone’s friend so badly in his goddamned life. 

Gavin whimpered miserably and pressed himself down into the carpet. Wishing the floor would open up to consume him. Wishing he could disappear. 

He’d escaped Vera’s bullet, and his mother’s revenge. He’d escaped the life that would have trapped him in an endless cycle of blood and panic and torture. He’d escaped north, where he could be safe from his own people. 

He’d escaped into the arms of a family that didn’t want him. He’d escaped one family that lusted for his death, and found another that felt nothing for him at all. He knew he was better off here. He knew he was safer. 

He felt like the loneliness would burn him alive.


	37. Brainwashing

Finn made their way slowly through the woods, tilting their head up, enjoying the feeling of the sun dappling on their face. The breathed deep the clean, cool air, the smell of trees and sky. It was chillier up north and they shivered slightly in their light jacket. The woods were more pine than at Tori’s house.

Finn felt a pang of loss when they thought about Tori’s house. It had been their home for almost four months before they’d started up running missions again, and it was their home base they returned to after every one. It was the one place they’d felt safe in… years. Maybe since they escaped the death squads the destroyed the Junior Defense Corps. It was place they would never see again, now that Gavin’s people knew where it was. It was no longer safe. No longer home.

Anger moved slowly through Finn’s gut. Anger at Gavin, at the system that had created him. Anger at his father, who had guided Gavin to torture Vera when he was ten. _Ten._ A child. Gavin should have been playing with his friends, climbing trees, building forts and getting underfoot. He should have had a childhood. Instead, his father had taken him down into the basement Vera rarely talked about, and taught him torture.

Joseph Stormbeck broke Gavin. Finn had no illusions about that.

Sometimes it snuck up on them: the bitter resentment at Gavin for what he had done. Finn’s left hand still ached from time to time, when a strong storm came through. Their brain had healed completely, but they still felt a terrible sense of dread that everything they were, every memory, every aspect of them could be erased in a moment with a well-placed blow to the head. Finn had been dizzy for weeks after Gavin had given them a concussion. They knew too well the damage could have been much worse.

And yet, the deepest fury they held in their body for Gavin was for what he did to _Ellis._ Finn had known going in that Ellis was hurt, wounded, torn apart by the loss of their family. Finn had been prepared to be with Ellis through it, hold them when the loneliness crushed them. They hadn’t been prepared for the damage Gavin had done.

Finn shook their head and pushed the thought away. This wasn’t the place for pain, for ruminating on the past. This forest was the place for enjoyment of the _now._ This was the place they went with Ellis to be alone, to remember their walks near Tori’s house, the surreptitious love they made in the only place they had true privacy. These walks were for them, and no one else. These walks weren’t for thoughts about Gavin.

Finn glanced at Ellis. They didn’t look nearly as happy to be out here as Finn was.

Finn stopped and took Ellis’s hand, searching their face with their gaze. “Ellis?” Finn said softly, squeezing Ellis’s fingers. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Ellis grumbled. They pulled their hand out of Finn’s grasp.

Finn chewed their lip. “Okay… You seem mad.”

Ellis crossed their arms and took a step back, away from Finn. “Well, I…” They blew out a slow breath through their nose. “I’m sorry. I’m not fine. I’m fucking pissed.”

Finn swallowed. “Okay. About what?”

Ellis refused to meet Finn’s gaze. “About… about _you._ ”

Finn’s heart beat a little faster. “About, um, me?”

“Yeah.” Ellis shook their head, still staring at a bush to Finn’s left. Refusing to look at them. “You…” Ellis’s jaw worked. “How can you… be so fucking… _nice…_ to Gavin Stormbeck?”

Finn’s eyebrows pulled together in utter confusion. “What? I’m not… _nice…_ What?”

Ellis rolled their eyes. “At breakfast this morning? The bacon?”

Finn balked. “You think that was… being… Ellis, I don’t…”

“You shared with him. You shared your fucking _food_ with him. After everything… everything he’s _done…_ ”

“Um, yeah, Ellis,” Finn snapped, defensiveness creeping up their limbs, pulling their shoulders higher around their ears. “I shared my food with him. He’s gonna be with us for, um, a long time. We have to share our shit with him.”

“Well, you…” Ellis stared at the ground. “You didn’t have to be so fucking _nice_ about it.”

Finn threw their hands in the air. “What about that was _nice?_ He asked if anyone wanted the bacon, I did, we split it. What’s the matter with that?”

Ellis ground their teeth. “I don’t… I don’t _know,_ okay?”

“Babe…” Finn’s voice dropped, grew a little softer. “I’m not… I’m not cozying up to him, okay? I’m not… forgetting what he’s done. But he’s different. And I think—”

“He’s _different?_ ” Ellis nearly shrieked, the anger in them rising to the surface and bursting through their skin, their voice. “Are you fucking _kidding?_ ”

Finn bit down hard on their retort.

“Are you…” Ellis ran their hands roughly through their hair. “Are you… has he fucking _brainwashed you,_ or something? Are you out of your _mind?_ ”

“Stop yelling at me,” Finn growled.

Ellis flushed, bright red spreading over the pale skin of their cheeks, creeping down their neck. Shame twisted their features, dampened the rage there.

“I know he’s fucked with us,” Finn snapped. “I fucking remember, okay? I wore a brace on my hand for _months_ because of what he did. I remember watching him torture Isaac. I remember Sam nearly dying. Okay? I’m the one who placed the chest tube in Gray. I’m the one who pulled Sam back from sepsis. I’m the one who cleans up what he did to _all of us._ ” Finn’s lips trembled and their hands started to shake. “ _I’m_ the one who put you all back together again.”

Ellis pressed their lips together and stared at the ground, the flush burning deeper on their skin.

“So don’t…” Finn’s hands curled into fists at their sides. “Don’t fucking say I’m _brainwashed._ Don’t…” Their throat closed up around a sob. They forced it down, ignored the way their eyes burned. “Don’t say… don’t say he _fucked with my head._ Okay? He… he _didn’t._ I’m still… still _me._ ” They swallowed the lump in their throat, cursing the tears that fell down their cheeks.

At that, Ellis’s head snapped up and they met Finn’s gaze, regret and guilt heavy in their eyes. “Oh,” Ellis breathed. “Finn, I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean that…”

“I know you’re angry,” Finn said, their voice tight with the sob they were holding down with everything they had. “I know you hate him. And I don’t blame you. I don’t. You can hate him forever. I don’t care. But… I _fix people,_ Ellis. I know when someone is broken. And Gavin is… is _broken._ You’ve seen him and if you deny it…” Finn shook their head.

“I…”

“You’ve seen how he reacts to blood. You saw him with the bounty hunters. You saw Gavin with Isaac’s blood, when the mob nearly hanged him. You’ve seen how he flinches around Vera. You’ve seen it, right?”

“Yeah,” Ellis whispered, their voice thick with something Finn couldn’t place. They didn’t _want_ to place it. They wanted _Ellis_ to understand.

“And you heard what Isaac said this morning, too, right?” Finn said, their voice still tight but not as loud. They breathed slowly, forced the tearing pressure in their chest down. “You heard him talking about how Gavin’s not sleeping well. And you’ve heard him screaming at night, I _know_ you have.”

Ellis nodded slowly. “I know.”

“I know he’s done some terrible fucking shit, Ellis,” Finn said heavily. “I’m aware. But… look at who his _parents are._ His father was willing to let him die so he could capture Vera again. His mother was hoping we’d kill him the first chance we got. He’s been raised from _birth_ to be exactly who he was and once he got his shit scrambled, he _left._ ”

“That doesn’t fucking excuse it,” Ellis mumbled, their own eyes shining with tears.

“I didn’t say it does,” Finn said through their teeth. “All I’m saying is…” They pushed out a slow breath through their lips. There was a tightness in their chest that wouldn’t be relieved. “All I’m saying is, he’s changed. And I’m… I’m willing to give him a chance. Even if that chance is just sharing food with him.”

“He doesn’t get a chance with me,” Ellis sneered.

“Well…” Finn gulped, trembling at the wave of terror and _rage_ rising in them. They took a step back from Ellis. “I…”

Ellis’s eyes went wide. “ _Finn…_ Are you…?”

“He didn’t fuck with my head,” Finn whispered. “He… he _didn’t._ I’m not… crazy, I’m not confused…”

Ellis held their hands out plaintively to Finn, biting their lip, taking a half-step in their direction. “I know, babe… I’m sorry…”

“He didn’t… Do you… seriously… think…?” Finn gasped, gulped at the air that seemed to have all rushed out of the forest at once. They stumbled back and nearly fell. Ellis lunged forward and caught them.

“I don’t, babe,” Ellis whimpered, tears rolling down their cheeks. “I’m so—”

“How could you… _say that…_ ”

“I didn’t mean it…”

“You _did,_ ” Finn sobbed. “You think he’s tricked me. You think I…” They slowly slid to their knees, pressing their face into their hands. “I didn’t know this was… still in my… head…”

“I swear to god, Finn, I didn’t mean it,” Ellis said as they pulled Finn into their arms. “I swear. I’m so… I’m so _sorry._ He just gets me so… _fucking angry…_ ”

“I know.” Finn shuddered and choked out a sob. “I know he does. He hurt you.”

“That doesn’t mean I get to hurt you,” Ellis said against Finn’s hair.

“Ever since… every time I… forget something, or get confused, or get dizzy, _anything,_ I worry… he did lasting damage, that he… he _damaged me…_ ”

“He didn’t, babe,” Ellis soothed. “You’re the smartest person I know. You got a little concussion a few months ago and now you’re fine. Everyone gets confused sometimes.”

“But I…” Finn hiccoughed. “I understand why you hate him. He… he showed you your _family…_ And he tortured all of us… But I swear to god, Ellis, he’s different now. He’s changed.” Finn swiped their hand at the tears running down their cheeks. “I see it more every day. He’s not who he was. He can’t be.”

“I know,” Ellis sniffled. They pressed their forehead to Finn’s temple. “I think that’s part of why I’m so… _mad…_ He gets to do all that, be a fucking monster, and then he… he heals. He gets better. He gets _us._ And I…” They swallowed. “When I… um… went dark…” They pressed a kiss to Finn’s forehead. “There was no one there for me. I was alone. I had _nothing._ Now he gets… he gets _everything._ ”

“It’s not everything for him,” Finn said softly. “He lost his family, in a different way, and he’s stuck with us. He probably walks around wondering when we’re going to just waste him, every fucking day.”

Ellis sat back, their eyebrows shooting up. “Why do you think that? Why would he think that of us?”

“Um…” Finn wet their lips. “We’ve nearly killed him twice?”

Ellis scoffed. “I mean, yeah, technically, but it was fucking warranted and _self-defense_ both times.”

“And we’ve threatened to kill him more times than I can count since he came to us.”

“Only if he betrayed us!” Ellis’s mouth twisted. “I think that’s kinda obvious!”

“Ellis…” Finn sighed. “It doesn’t matter to him what we _think._ All that matters is he’s watched us kill the people who hurt us, and he’s on that list.”

Ellis’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. It hurt Finn’s heart to see it. “How do you know so much about what goes on in his head?”

“Because I’m constantly trying to think of how to _fix him,_ ” Finn said, exasperated.

Ellis studied Finn’s face. Their eyes moved over their features, looking for something. Maybe hoping for something. “Do you…” Ellis began tentatively. They cleared their throat and tried again. “Do you think he can really change?”

Finn looked down, at their hands twisted in their lap. Ellis reached out to lace their fingers through Finn’s. “Um…” Finn bit their lip. “I th-think… he already has. I think if we just… give him a _chance…_ ”

“I don’t trust him enough to give him a chance to hurt us,” Ellis said quietly.

Finn squeezed their hand. “Maybe we won’t have to.”

“But he’ll have to come with us south,” Ellis said, their voice shaking. “He can’t stay up here. He can’t go further north. They’ll kill him. He’s got to stay under our protection, for…” They swallowed hard. “ _Forever._ And there’s no way Isaac would trust him enough to ever bring him on missions.”

Finn laughed, and Ellis’s shoulders relaxed an inch. “Oh, no. We’ll definitely have to take him with us, but yeah, there’s no way Gavin goes on missions. The day Isaac trusts Gavin is the day I’ll know I really _have_ gone insane.”

Ellis smiled and held Finn tight. “I’m sorry,” Ellis said quietly.

“Me too,” Finn murmured, and pulled Ellis in for a deep kiss.


	38. Chapter 38

The next morning, Gavin made _sure_ he was awake before all the others. As he went to bed the night before, his eyes still a little raw from crying, he’d demanded of himself to wake up at the crack of dawn, before anyone else would reasonably be up. He kept the blinds open so the sun would stream into his window as it rose. All night he had nightmares of a dark figure with razor sharp teeth and burning eyes standing at his window, looking in at him. 

In the morning, he shot upright in bed. For a moment he completely forgot where he was, casting his gaze around the dark room, his sleeping clothes slightly damp with sweat. _Am I at home?_

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and pushed himself out of bed. He let his gaze move once more around the room, more slowly, his eyes adjusting to the dim light of the coming sunrise. He looked out the window at the clouds just starting to turn pink in the east, at the deep indigo that stretched across the sky above them. He shook himself and changed into his clothes for the day.

He wasn’t exactly sure _what_ he intended to do with being up so early. He knew he would struggle with the task of making breakfast for the whole family. He’d never had to cook before. He was learning, but it was a slow process. He’d helped make the mashed potatoes for dinner last night, and he hadn’t even burned anything. How you could burn mashed potatoes was a little beyond him, but he’d been surprised all the same. 

He was getting better at this, at being part of the family. He was pulling his own weight. Earning his keep. For a moment a terrible thought flashed across his mind: _maybe if I prove to them I’m useful, they won’t kill me when they’ve extracted all the information they need._ He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, running a hand roughly over his face. _I need to stop thinking like that._

Not that it wouldn’t happen; Gavin had long since realized his death was an inevitability. He’d realized it as soon as Isaac had held the knife to his throat. What he needed to stop doing was _ruminating_ on it _._ The rest of the family had spent their lives with the understanding that they could be killed, or worse, at any moment. If Gavin kept thinking about it, all it would do was stress him out. All he could do is look forward. 

He stumbled gracelessly into the kitchen and reached for the container of coffee. If he could do nothing else, he could make coffee. To him it was just a matter of following steps: take out the filter, replace the filter, scoop in the coffee, put the thing back into the coffee maker, fill it up with water, hit the green button. It was simple and hard to screw up. _Perfect for me,_ he thought bitterly.

But Gray had told him earlier last week that they really liked his coffee. That somehow it tasted better than when anyone else made it. Gavin had no idea what that meant. As far as he was aware, coffee was coffee. They didn’t have the good coffee he was used to, but he didn’t mind. The idea that someone could somehow make coffee that was _better_ than everyone else’s, when they were using the cheap stuff and it was such a simple, step-by-step process, was weird to Gavin. But when Gray had said it, Gavin had latched onto the praise like his life depended on it. 

_Maybe it does._

_Stop it._

He distractedly flipped on the coffee maker and took down a mug for himself. He leaned back on the counter and waited for it to brew. 

When the coffee pot was about halfway full, a door in the hallway opened. Gavin froze. He couldn’t run and hide, someone would know someone had been here. The coffee pot was running, for Christ’s sake. Although, wasn’t there a setting where you could set up the pot the night before and it would turn on by itself in the morning? Gavin could _swear_ he’d seen someone do that before. But had anyone actually set it up like that? No, of course not, the coffee pot had been empty. So if he ran and hid, they’d get suspicious. Wonder why he was hiding. Maybe they’d think he was working against them, sending messages to his mother. Maybe they’d think he betrayed them. Maybe his life would end this morning. 

Before Gavin could decide what to do and react, a small figure wandered out into the hall. Their curls stuck out sideways from their head and they yawned. 

Gavin slumped back against the counter and breathed a sigh of relief. _Sam is probably the one that wants me dead the least._ He clenched his jaw and swallowed against the wave of guilt that moved over him at the thought. _They’re the purest of all of them, and I broke them first._

Sam rubbed their fists into their eyes as they walked into the kitchen. “G’morning, Gavin,” they mumbled. 

“Um.” Gavin stared at the floor. “Hi, Sam.” _They’ve never been alone in a room with me before. How can they feel safe like this?_

“You making coffee?” Sam raised their eyes blearily to Gavin. 

“Um.” Gavin looked at the coffee maker, then to the mug still held tight in his hand, and then back at Sam. He had no idea what to say. “Um. Yeah.”

“Cool.” Sam yawned. “Can I have some?”

Gavin yawned, too. “Yeah, of course.”

Sam smiled at him. “You make good coffee.”

Gavin blushed. “What is everyone doing today?”

Sam shrugged. “I’m not sure. I think Vera and Tori are headed back into town again today. Sounds like their plan was cut a little short yesterday.”

“Yeah, I heard that Daniel Shit-ster guy was an asshole to Vera.”

Sam laughed. “Shit-ster. I like that.” They shrugged. “Why anyone would be rude to Vera is beyond me. But she said he said some… um… really bad things to her.”

“Oh.” Gavin’s mouth twisted. “Like what?”

“Um…” Sam blushed and looked down. “I probably shouldn’t say. It’s her thing to tell.”

_That bad, huh?_ “Okay.”

Behind him, the coffee pot started to gurgle. 

“Coffee’s done,” Gavin mumbled, and turned to the cabinet to pull down another mug for Sam. It occurred to him that Sam might have needed help getting the mug down themselves. He reached for the pot and started to pour. “How do you like your coffee?”

Sam laughed once. “Lots of room for cream, please.” 

“Lots of room, coming right up.” Gavin smiled tightly, still facing away from Sam. He poured his own cup, with only a little room. He turned back with Sam’s cup in his hand. “Here you go, Sammy.”

Sam froze.

_Oh, fuck._

_“Come on, Sammy, let’s try this one more time. What’s Isaac’s last name? Makes it so much easier to find him. Help me out.”_

_“Hey, Sammy, let’s go again. I wanna see if you can hold your breath for long enough this time.”_

_“I have all six of you now. I won’t cry over one dead Sammy.”_

“Sam, I… I’m so sorry…”

_“No.”_ Sam took a step back, their eyes wide and brimming with tears. 

Gavin put the mugs back on the counter and took a step towards Sam, his hands held out to them. “Sam, I…”

Sam stumbled backwards, colliding hard with the wall and slumping down. They held their hands out in front of them, as if to protect themselves from Gavin. Tears rolled down their cheeks. “P-please, no…”

“Sam, Sam I’m _sorry,_ I won’t call you that again. I promise. I’m so sorry. I… I’m not gonna hurt you… I _swear_ …” 

“Please, n-no,” Sam gasped. “Not again. Not now.”

Gavin pressed his hands to his mouth. “No no no, no _fuck,_ no…” He stood in the center of the kitchen, frozen, staring down at Sam as they cringed away from him against the wall. He knew what he had to do. He knew he’d probably die for this.

For a moment, he considered just leaving Sam there. Maybe going back to his room. Maybe Sam wouldn’t remember. Maybe everyone would assume Sam had had a flashback, and Gavin hadn’t _really_ been there. 

Gavin’s stomach roiled. _I can’t do that to them. This is my fault. I pay the price for it._

Gavin lowered his voice. “Sam, don’t move, okay? Stay _here._ Do you hear me?”

Sam nodded where they sat crumpled against the wall. Their eyes were wide, fixed on Gavin. _I wonder if they think I’ll torture them if they move._

He swallowed hard and walked out of the kitchen.

He made his way down the dark hall to another room. The closer he got, the more his hands started to shake. It felt different, walking to his death, instead of waiting for it to come to him. But he couldn’t leave Sam like that. 

_They’d figure it out anyway, and know I left them, and then they’d_ definitely _kill me._

He stopped in front of a closed door. Took a deep breath. Knocked three times. 

_“Uugh.”_ Something rustled behind the door.

Gavin shivered and knocked again.

_“Muh. What.”_

Gavin’s lips trembled. “Isaac, it’s, um. It’s Gavin.”

A loud sigh from behind the door. _“What d’you want?”_

“It’s, um.” Gavin blew out a slow breath. “It’s Sam.”

Behind the door, Gavin could hear fast movement. A thump as Isaac got out of bed. Rapid footsteps to the door. Gavin pressed himself against the opposite wall as the door opened. Isaac’s hair was messy, his clothes rumpled, his eyes… _angry._

“Oh, shit,” Gavin whispered. 

“What’s wrong with Sam?” Isaac growled. He looked down the hall towards Sam’s room. The door was open, the lights off.

Gavin glanced toward the kitchen. “Um, they… uh…”

Isaac brushed past Gavin and headed for the kitchen. “What happened?”

“I…” _Why is it every time I open my fucking mouth I’m terrified he’ll murder me?_ “I… accidentally called them… um…” _I need to tell him before we reach Sam._ “I called them Sammy. It was an accident, I swear to god, I didn’t mean…”

Isaac stopped and glanced back at Gavin. “‘Sammy’?”

Gavin looked down at the floor. “It’s the name I called them when I… um…”

Darkness passed over Isaac’s face. “When you tortured them.” 

Gavin’s mouth went dry. “Um. Yeah.”

Isaac turned on his heel and walked into the kitchen. Gavin followed right behind. 

Sam cowered back against the wall, their face red and wet with tears. As Isaac approached them they whimpered and covered their head with their arms. A miserable wail filled the kitchen. 

“Hey, Sam,” Isaac said quietly, soothingly. “Sam, it’s Isaac.” 

“N-no,” Sam sobbed. 

“Sam…” Isaac crouched beside them, leaning against the wall. “Sam, you’re safe. It’s Isaac. You’re in the kitchen in the north house. Can you look at me?”

Slowly, Sam raised their head and looked at Isaac. Gavin’s chest ached with the trust he saw there, the _pain._ Sam looked like Isaac like he was the sun after a year of darkness. Their hands reached out, seemingly unconsciously, and grasped at Isaac’s shirt. 

“Can I touch you?” Isaac said softly. Sam nodded. Isaac pulled them into his arms. 

“What happened?” snapped a voice behind him. Gavin’s blood ran cold. Vera pushed past him into the kitchen. Tori was right behind. 

Isaac looked up, a sort of casual sadness on his face. “It’s okay. Sam just had a flashback. They’re alright.”

“What set it off?” Tori asked, and her eyes flicked to Gavin for a moment. 

He swallowed hard. “I…”

“Shit,” another voice said behind him. Gavin quailed back against the wall, as far from Sam and Isaac as he could get. Ellis wandered into the kitchen, too, the blanket from their bed wrapped tight around them, with Finn pressed to their side, barely awake. 

“Sam just had a flashback,” Isaac said to the whole kitchen. “They’re alright.” 

“Why?” Ellis rasped. 

“Um…” Gavin trembled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t mean to _what?_ ” Ellis snarled. “What the _fuck did you do?_ ” They took a step towards Gavin, their teeth bared at him.

“I called them Sa—” His eyes snapped to Sam and he cut off the word. “I called them, um, something I called them when I was, um…”

Ellis stepped forward and got right in Gavin’s face. “When you were torturing him, you piece of shit? How could you slip up like that? What the fuck is _wrong with you?_ ” Finn tried to pull them back and Ellis threw off Finn’s hand on their arm. “I thought you were trying to be _different,_ you fucking trust-fund bitch.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Gavin whimpered. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out…”

“‘Slipped out’?” Ellis growled. “That isn’t just ‘slipped out.’” They stuck a finger in Gavin’s face. “That is fucking…” Their words ran out and they snarled wordlessly at him.

Gavin felt the stirring of rage in his chest, of fear at being backed into a corner. _It’s not Vera. Ellis won’t kill me._ He threw a glance at Isaac, sitting on the floor with Sam, running gentle fingers through their hair and murmuring softly to them. _Maybe Isaac wouldn’t kill me, but he might let Ellis do it._

Gavin turned his gaze back to Ellis. They took a step back, glaring at him, before they turned and looked back at Sam. Their posture instantly relaxed. 

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered. “I tried to help them, I tried to, to calm them down…”

“I think you’ve done enough,” Ellis snapped over their shoulder. “Why don’t you just go back to your room, let Sam come down from the flashback they had of you torturing them?”

“Ellis, take it easy,” Isaac said, holding a hand to them. “He didn’t mean it. Let’s just everyone… stay calm.”

“I know he didn’t fucking _mean it,_ ” Ellis snapped. “I know he’s _good now,_ he’s _perfectly fucking innocent._ ” Ellis eyes were streaming tears now. “I know he didn’t _mean_ to fucking traumatize all of us.”

“Ellis,” Isaac said calmly. “Now we’re getting into your shit. You’re not talking about Sam now. Let me just… help them, and then we can talk about your stuff, okay?”

“I can talk about it,” Finn said, still a little sleepily. “Ellis, let’s go talk.” They took Ellis’s hand and gently pulled them toward the hall.

“I’m okay,” Sam said quietly from within the circle of Isaac’s arms. “I’m s-sorry. I’m doing okay now.” Isaac squeezed them and pressed a kiss to their forehead. 

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered. “I want to, to help… what can I do?”

“I think you’ve done enough,” Ellis said bitterly. Finn pulled a little harder and guided them from the kitchen. 

Gavin hung his head and turned, walking down the dark hallway to his room. He left his coffee in the kitchen, untouched, until it turned cold. 


	39. Chapter 39

Gavin was alone in the house, alone with his thoughts.

He’d been alone more often than not the past few days. He knew the family was planning on going south soon, and they needed to prepare. They went into town on a daily basis now to meet with people who had recent updates on the syndicate movements, to gather food and supplies, to set up a home for Edrissa once they left. From everything Gavin could gather, Edrissa would be living with a young couple who had escaped the syndicates several years ago. One had been a “companion,” one had been a “pet.” They would know exactly the kind of care Edrissa would need. She’d be safe, for perhaps the first time in her life.

Gavin assumed the rest of the team would head south when they were ready. He’d heard Tori talk about possibly starting a safehouse up here, but he doubted she would follow through. Not that he didn’t think she could do it; he’d just seen how Tori was with Vera. How they touched each other whenever they could. How they would position themselves protectively in front of the other when one of them suddenly couldn’t breathe. How they shared a bed. How sometimes at night Gavin could hear the noises they made in bed together.

It all made him burn with longing.

_I’m never going to find anything like that,_ he thought to himself fiercely. _There’s no one who could ever feel that way for me, not after what I’ve done. No one I would want in return, anyway._

He tried to return his attention to the line he’d been reading for the past 20 minutes. It was a book Gray had brought him from town, something about recovery from trauma. _The others need this more than I do. I haven’t been traumatized. At least, not by anyone but Vera._ He sighed.

The front door opened. _That’s weird. I didn’t expect anyone back for hours._ “My room,” he called.

He’d gotten into the habit of announcing himself when there was a possibility of someone happening across them when they were by themselves. He figured it made them feel safer, knowing where he was. And it didn’t hurt so much when they walked in knowing he was there, and didn’t jump and look at him like he was something under their shoe.

It was really only Ellis who did that anymore, and even then it wasn’t as often.

Someone came into the house so quietly Gavin thought they might have been doing it on purpose. _Why would they be sneaking around? They know I know someone’s home._ He looked up at his doorway, his head slightly tilted, trying to listen. It sounded like at least two people were home, but they weren’t talking to each other.

The hair on the back of Gavin’s neck stood up.

“Guys?” he called, putting the book down on his bedspread. “Gray? Isaac, is that you?” He swung his legs over the side of the bed and slowly stood. Whoever it was, they were in the hall now. Coming towards his room. His heart felt like it was stuck in his throat. “Sam?” He walked slowly to the door.

He looked through the doorway and into the hall. His eyes went wide as his gaze fell on a dark figure, tall, massive. Someone he didn’t recognize. He fell a step back into his room.

Hands closed on his shirt and dragged him from his room, slammed him against the wall in the hallway. Gavin cried out as his head _crack_ ed hard against the wall.

“No no no no…” he pleaded. A heavy hand clamped over his mouth as the man dragged him into the living room. Gavin screamed against his hand as the man wrenched one arm behind his back. He looked around, terrified, at another man, dressed in black just like the first. A gun was holstered at his hip. He looked down at Gavin with pure hate in his eyes.

The man holding Gavin threw him to his knees and he hit the ground hard. He groaned and tried to scramble to his feet, his shoulder throbbing. _“No,”_ he sobbed. “Please no, _no_ …”

A slap rocked his head to the side and he fell to the floor, his head spinning. He tasted blood and realized he’d bit his tongue.

“Shut up, you syndicate _fucker,_ ” the taller one, the one who had grabbed Gavin, snarled.

“No no no _please,_ I didn’t… no, _please_ …” Gavin sobbed. He tried to crawl away from the men, tried to get to the couch, just to put a few feet between him and them. A hand grasped his hair and yanked him backwards, back to his knees. He cried out, his hands coming up to pull against the hand in his hair.

“Let’s just fucking do it and get it over with,” the shorter one growled. “I’m fucking tired of this piece of shit _breathing._ ”

_“No,”_ the taller said from above Gavin’s head. “I _finally_ fucking have the chance to get a little bit of justice for Steph. No fucking way I’m giving up on that.”

“I…” Gavin gasped. “I never knew a Steph…”

_“Shut up,”_ the taller one roared. He yanked Gavin’s head back viciously, so Gavin was forced to look up at him. “Shut the _fuck up,_ you syndicate _prick_ , your _fucking father_ slaughtered her for _fun._ And you used to do the same _fucking thing._ Sounds like Stormbeck senior is fucking worm food right now. I don’t mind you standing in for him, you little _bitch._ ”

“Please,” Gavin sobbed. “Please, no.”

The man released his hair. “Put your hands behind your back, Stormbeck.”

_“No.”_ Gavin pitched forward on his hands and knees again, trying desperately to escape the two men. The shorter one aimed a kick at Gavin’s stomach that pitched him onto his side. Gavin shuddered and wheezed.

The taller man yanked Gavin up to his knees and pulled one arm behind his back again. He forced Gavin’s arm up higher, until his hand was nearly pressed against his opposite shoulder. Gavin screamed.

“Put your other hand behind your back or I break this one off,” the man growled in his ear.

Gavin wailed as the man jerked his arm back harder. “Okay okay okay!” he yelled. “Please…” He put his other hand behind his back. He sobbed in relief as the man stopped wrenching his shoulder. He whimpered as the man held both his wrists in one hand and slid a zip tie restraint over his hands. The man pulled it tight around Gavin’s wrists and stood up again, walking around to Gavin’s front. Gavin twisted his wrists against the restraint, his heart pumping despair through his body. _They’re going to kill me. The family won’t even know what happened._

“I’m sorry,” Gavin moaned. “I’m… I’m fucking _sorry_ my dad did that to Steph, I’m sorry I—” He gasped as his head snapped to the side with another blow. His left ear rang.

“You don’t get to say her name,” the tall man snarled, suddenly kneeling in Gavin’s face. “You don’t get to _fucking say her name,_ you syndicate _bitch._ You thought you could spend your whole life torturing people, hurting people, and it wouldn’t come back on you? You thought you could _ruin lives_ and it would never come back on you?”

Gavin sobbed, tears streaming down his face. “No,” he whined. “I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ …”

The man stood and snorted at his partner. “He’s _sorry,_ ” he said with a snarl.

The shorter man’s lip curled. “The idea of playing with him for a bit is sounding better and better. Schiester said they wouldn’t be back for hours.”

“I fucking told you,” the taller one said, and drew his gun from its holster.

_“No!”_ Gavin screamed, shaking his head, scrambling backwards on his knees. “No, _please!_ ”

“We should zip tie those feet, too,” the smaller one mused. The taller man laughed and stepped back around Gavin.

Gavin lurched forward, trying desperately to get to his feet before these men could restrain him further. The taller man’s hand closed on Gavin’s hair and pulled him back down hard onto his knees. The man pressed his knee against the top of Gavin’s calf, right where it meets the knee, and _leaned._ Gavin froze and cried out in agony. The man made quick work of tightening the zip tie around Gavin’s ankles.

Gavin knelt on the floor as the other man got to his feet, shivering, sobbing. Tears dripped down his face and onto the floor. _They have hours to torture me before they kill me._

“So,” the taller man said, drawing his gun again, “How do you want to die, syndicate _bitch?_ ”

“P-please,” Gavin whispered, his throat too constricted with fear to make a sound. “Please, no…”

The taller man held the gun to Gavin’s forehead. Gavin cried out and pulled away from the gun. The man’s hand shot out and grabbed his hair, dragging him forward until the gun was pressed against Gavin’s head. “You wanna die like this?”

“N-no,” Gavin moaned. _They’re going to have to clean my brains off the walls._ “No, don’t… don’t _do this_ …”

The man laughed and tapped the gun against Gavin’s head. “Hm.” He moved the gun to press against Gavin’s cheek. “How about this?”

Gavin trembled against the man’s iron grip on his hair. “Please just… t-take me outside. _Please._ Don’t make them see this, _please_ … Don’t make them see this in their own home…” _The last thing they need to see is more death._ “Don’t get my b-blood all over the…” Gavin rocked forward, gagging hard at the thought of his blood running in rivulets across the floor in the hallway, soaking into the carpet in the living room and the pad underneath, ruining it forever. Thinking of the family finding his body, cold, empty, the room so full of the stench of blood it would _never_ come out.

The taller man grinned. “What do you wanna bet I can make this look like you did this to yourself? What do you wanna bet I can make this look like your suicide?”

Gavin yanked hard against the zip tie around his wrists. They might stage this like a suicide, maybe even put the gun in his limp hand after they’d killed him, but his family would see the red around his wrists and _know._ _They have to know I wouldn’t kill myself._ He didn’t know _why_ that was so important, but they had to know. They had to know that he…

Tears pricked his eyes and he swallowed. They had to know he wouldn’t _leave_ them, that he still wanted to live. That he wanted to be with them, as miserable as it was. _I love them. I love them all so fucking much, why did it take me so fucking long to say it, I_ love them _…_

Gavin yanked harder. He felt the skin around his wrists break open and bleed.

The taller man pulled the gun away from Gavin’s cheek and smiled wickedly.

“Open your mouth, syndicate _bitch._ ”

Gavin sobbed and tried to twist away from the hand in his hair. The man only tightened his grip and forced Gavin’s head forward. “Open your mouth,” the man growled at him. “Do it. _Now._ Or I blow your fucking head off right now.”

Gavin clenched his jaw shut and pressed his lips together. He shook his head against the man’s grip, tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes fixed on the gun hovering inches away from his face.

The man snapped Gavin’s head back, shoving the barrel of the gun against Gavin’s forehead. “You really wanna die right this second? Let us play with you, you little _bitch._ Stormbeck _fucker._ The longer you let us play with you, the better chance they’ll come and save you, right? Your stupid fucking _traitor family._ You want that, right? _Open your fucking mouth.”_

_They’re not going to save me. They’re going to find my body, and forget about me. Why would they risk themselves to save me? Even if they caught you, they’d just stand back and watch me die._ He blinked tears out of his eyes and did his best to stare the man down.

The man ground the barrel of the gun into Gavin’s cheek, and he winced. The man’s finger was on the trigger. The safety was off. _“Open. Your. Fucking. Mouth.”_

Gavin shuddered at the thought of the bullet in the chamber, inches from his face. All the man had to do was pull the trigger, and the bullet would tear through Gavin’s skull at 2500 feet per second. It would obliterate his brain, tear up everything that had ever made Gavin _Gavin._ He wouldn’t just be dead, he’d be _destroyed._ All in less than a second. He squeezed his eyes shut so he wouldn’t have to see the gun.

He whimpered and opened his mouth.

The gun pushed past his lips, pressing down over his tongue, shoving all the way to the back of his throat. Gavin’s eyes flew open and he gagged.

“That’s what I fucking thought, Stormbeck _bitch_ ,” the man growled. “That’s what I _fucking thought._ Fucking coward. Fucking piece of _shit._ ”

Gavin sobbed, the steel-oil-gunpowder taste on his tongue making him sick. The man grabbed the back of Gavin’s head and forced the gun harder into his mouth. Gavin’s eyes streamed as he gagged again, his spasming throat twisting a sob as it forced its way out. He shuddered and heaved forward. He couldn’t beg with the gun in his mouth. Couldn’t plead. He could only cry, and choke.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you like this,” the man rasped in his ear. Gavin cried out and shied away. The man’s grip tightened on his hair. “I’m gonna pull this trigger and kill you. How many people have you killed, little bitch? How many people have you killed? Now, I’m gonna bring that shit right to you. You’re finally gonna know what it feels like to die.”

_I bet it hurts,_ Gavin sobbed in his mind. He tried to form the word “please” around the gun. He gagged again as his tongue pressed up against the barrel.

“Maybe I shouldn’t kill you just yet though, yeah? What if I just fucking cut you apart, piece by piece? That way when your fucking family comes home, they have to go on a little Stormbeck treasure hunt. Maybe your hand between the couch cushions, your ear in the shower…” The man chuckled. “Your dick hanging on the front door.” He snapped the gun up against Gavin’s teeth. “Maybe I should put your head on a spike outside.”

Gavin squeezed his eyes shut. _Please, please no. Please just kill me. I know I deserve the torture but please no…_

“Maybe I shouldn’t kill you here at all,” the man mused, his gaze moving over Gavin’s face, over his eyes. “Maybe I should just drag you to the square and hang you, properly. Maybe we could do it slowly.”

“Maybe we should just send him piece by piece to his darling mother,” the shorter man sneered. “I’m stuck on the dismembering idea.”

Gavin wailed around the gun in his mouth, tugging hard against the zip tie around his wrists, pulling against the hand fisted in his hair.

“Or maybe,” the taller man said softly, and eased the gun a centimeter out of Gavin’s mouth, “We just take you back to the town hall. Chain you up in the basement. Keep you there for a month or three. Your family would never fucking know where to find you. Maybe we should just keep you like the fucking _bitch_ you are, see exactly how you like it.”

Gavin shook his head slightly. The man forced his head back and pushed the gun all the way into his mouth.

“Naw,” the man said, his finger tightening on the trigger. “I think I’m just gonna do this here.”

Gavin closed his eyes.

The front door opened.

Gavin’s eyes flew open, and he moaned in despair as Isaac walked through the door.

Isaac’s eyes went wide and his hand jumped to his waistband. To the gun Gavin knew wasn’t there, because Isaac never carried his gun inside. Isaac fell a step back, his eyes fixed on Gavin. Not looking away.

“Sam!” Isaac shouted. “Gun! Now!”

The shorter man snapped his own gun up to point squarely at Isaac’s chest. “Back the fuck off,” he grunted. “Back off right now. Turn around and go.”

Gavin whined and pulled against the hand in his hair, trying to plead with Isaac and hating himself for it.

Isaac slowly raised his hands to waist level, but no higher. He hadn’t looked away from Gavin since he’d opened the door, but now he raised his gaze to the gun in the shorter man’s hand. “I want you to think about what you’re about to do,” he said gently. “If you kill me, you permanently damage the north. My family will never work with you again. They’ll stop bringing your families to you. They’ll stop bringing you skilled laborers. They’ll stop risking their lives to harbor your spies, move your equipment. You kill me, and you cripple your operations up here. You kill me, and you’re fucked. Do you understand that?”

“But this _bitch_ —” started the man with the gun in Gavin’s mouth—

Ellis burst through the door behind Isaac. Gavin flinched as the door slammed against the wall and nearly closed again. Ellis’s jaw dropped, their gaze darting between Gavin, the man holding him with the gun in his mouth, and the man pointing the gun at Isaac’s chest.

“What the… _fuck_ …”

Isaac pushed Ellis behind him. “Ellis, get _back,_ ” he said urgently. “Get _back._ Tell everyone to stay back.”

Sam walked in just behind them, holding Isaac’s gun out. “Isaac, what—” Their eyes went wide at the sight of the men. Their hand began to shake and they nearly dropped the gun. Isaac’s hand shot out and snatched it away from Sam, then aimed at the shorter man.

“Sam, get _back,_ ” Isaac said, his voice taking on a hint of desperation. “Please…”

“Isaac, what…? Gavin…?” Sam stood frozen in place. 

Isaac pushed Sam behind him with one hand while the other kept the gun pointed squarely at the men. “Ellis,” he said calmly, “Is the other car here yet?”

Ellis shot a glance out the front window. “They’re just pulling up.”

Isaac swallowed. “Go tell them to stay outside. Please. Go tell them—”

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?” Ellis snarled at the men, completely ignoring Isaac. Gavin looked up at them in shock. Ellis took a step towards the men. “What the _fuck?_ ”

“Stay back,” the shorter one growled. “Stay back, or we blow his fucking head off.”

“No, fuck you,” Ellis snapped. “Fuck you _very much._ ”

“Ellis,” Isaac said through his teeth. “No. Tell the others—”

The door pushed open again, and the rest of the family appeared in the doorway. Vera jumped and dragged Tori away from the door, and dashed off to the car to grab her own weapon. Gray pushed Edrissa behind them and started to guide her back to the car. Finn lunged forward, their hands reaching for Ellis.

“Answer my _fucking question,_ ” Ellis snarled, and Gavin shrank back. “What the… what the _fuck?_ ”

“What the fuck do you care what happens to this Stormbeck prick?” the smaller man demanded.

The taller man pushed the gun hard into Gavin’s mouth. Gavin felt his upper lip catch between the gun and his teeth. He whimpered and tried to pull away, eyes streaming.

The shorter man’s hand tightened around the gun pointed at Isaac. His hand was shaking. “What the fuck do you care about him? He’s a…” His eyes filled with tears. “He’s a monster.”

Ellis’s eyes blazed with fury. “Yeah, mother _fucker,_ but he’s _our monster._ ” They lunged forward and bowled over the smaller man in a full-body tackle. The gun went off as Ellis slammed the man’s hand into the ground, shrieking like a wildcat. Sam leapt into the fray, landing squarely on the man’s crotch with all their weight. The man groaned and doubled over.

Vera burst through the door again, her gun held tightly in her hand. Her eyes went wide at the screaming, clawing fright that was Ellis, screeching and biting, and Sam, wrestling the gun out of the man’s grasp.

The man still holding Gavin looked between Isaac and Vera, his eyes darting quickly, his hand tightening in Gavin’s hair. Gavin could feel him trembling. He waited for the gun to go off, to tear through his mouth, punch through his brainstem so there would be no hope of survival. Gavin whimpered.

“Think very carefully about what you decide to do next,” Isaac said, raising his voice over the sound of Ellis screaming. “If you kill him, it’s gonna take you a few seconds to bring your gun around to aim at us. I have a _very fast reaction time._ Kinda twitchy. Must be the trauma.” His eyes flicked down at Gavin and for a moment, Gavin could swear Isaac _smiled._ He whimpered as the man pushed the gun down hard against his tongue.

_“Hey,”_ Isaac barked, and the man jumped. “If you’re cool with dying over this, fine. Just know that if you shoot him, you’re dying in this house today.” Isaac raised his chin at the other man, now groaning and sobbing, holding his crotch as Ellis and Sam kicked him over and over. “We’ll even let that one go, for good measure. Take the gun out of his mouth. Right now.”

_“No,”_ the man growled. He yanked Gavin’s head back until Gavin was staring at the ceiling. Tears ran from his eyes and into his hair. “This fucker destroyed _everything I love_ —”

“What is actually him, or someone else in the syndicates that this poor idiot is standing in for?” Isaac said calmly. “Because I understand if it was him. If it was, we can work something out. Some kind of justice.” Gavin’s eyes went wide and he looked at Isaac, just as the man looked down at him. Isaac shook his head slightly from side to side: _I won’t let him do that._ Gavin sobbed.

“Or,” Isaac continued, “you kill the one useful syndicate member alive in this world just because you wanted to stick your gun in _something._ And then you leave this house in a body bag. Up to you.”

The man stared down at Gavin, hate twisting his face into something terrifying. His hand shook around the gun. He forced Gavin’s head back further, until Gavin started to bend backwards. He whimpered and gagged against the gun.

“Come on, man,” Isaac said, pitching his voice low. “Up to you. Put down the gun. Let him go.”

The man trembled, and for a moment Gavin was sure the man would kill him. He braced for the shot, tried to think of something good in his last moments. He shuddered, looked past the hand holding the gun in his mouth.

All Gavin could see was Isaac.

The man hunched his shoulders and bowed his head. He forced down a sob. _“Fine,”_ he growled, and pulled the gun from Gavin’s mouth.

Gavin pitched forward with a sob, his jaw aching. Isaac moved in quickly and twisted the gun out the man’s hand. Vera jumped in to roll the other man onto his stomach and lean on his back.

“You have something to restrain yourself with?” Isaac asked the man, his voice intense.

“What the fuck, you said—”

“I’m not gonna kill you, you _idiot,_ ” Isaac spat through his teeth. “I’m gonna _restrain you_ and drive you back into town. Then I’m gonna have a long fucking conversation with your _mayor_ about _exactly_ what the word “hospitality” means. Got it? _Do you have any extra restraints?_ ”

“Y-yeah,” the man stuttered. “Zip ties, left pocket.”

“Perfect.” Isaac stuffed his hand in the man’s pocket, still holding him at gunpoint. “Hands behind your back. Now.”

“But—”

“I will make this _very fucking simple_ if you don’t do what I _fucking say,_ ” Isaac hissed. “Hands. Behind. Your back. _Now._ ”

Gavin swallowed hard as the man obeyed Isaac. Isaac tightened the zip tie around the man’s wrists, his eyes fixed on Gavin. Moving over him. Checking for injuries. Gavin felt his skin burn under Isaac’s gaze.

Isaac turned his gaze back to the man and dug his hand into his pocket again, pulling out another zip tie. “Here,” he said, holding it out to Vera. He looked up to see Finn still standing in the doorway, their mouth slightly open, a look of amazement on their face. Staring at Ellis where they now stood, towering over the shorter man on the floor. Vera tightened the zip tie around the man’s wrists as he groaned.

“Finn,” Isaac said, and snapped Finn out of their reverie. “Can you handle this one? Get him to the car?”

“You bet.” Finn grinned, stepping forward to pat the man down before jerking him to his feet with a hand clamped down on his collar. “You fucked with the wrong family, moron. We’ve got people who are fucking _feral_.” They smirked in his face and shoved him through the front door. The second man came next, supported between Vera and Ellis, who were _not_ being gentle. Sam panted on the floor, their skin red and shiny with sweat, a wide grin spread across their face.

Isaac quickly knelt beside Gavin and put a steadying hand on his shoulder. He grabbed the knife in his pocket and reached for Gavin’s wrists. The zip tie snapped under the knife.

_“Isaac,”_ Gavin sobbed, and threw his arms around Isaac’s neck.

Isaac froze for a moment. Took a breath. His arms wound around Gavin’s waist.

“Isaac, _thank you,_ ” Gavin gasped, his breaths coming too fast. “Isaac, they… he was… _fuck,_ I’m so sorry…”

Isaac squeezed Gavin gently. “Why are _you_ sorry? They…” Isaac pulled away, his eyes moving once again over Gavin’s body. His gaze returned to Gavin’s face, to the red mark that probably spread across his cheek. “They… they tortured you, right?”

“N-no,” Gavin mumbled. “It was nothing. It wasn’t a big deal. They only—”

“Gavin…” Isaac said gently. Gavin’s heart lurched uncomfortably. “They _tortured you._ It’s okay. You’re allowed to say it.” He leaned down and cut the zip tie binding Gavin’s ankles.

Gavin let out a twisted sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. He pressed his hands to his face. “Why…” He shuddered, and his chest ached as he heaved a _real_ sob. “Why did you save me? He could’ve just… fucking… killed me, and it would’ve been over…”

“I didn’t want to get blood on the carpet,” came Isaac’s reply.

Gavin’s head shot up and he met Isaac’s gaze. Isaac was smiling gently. “Kidding. Because… fuck, Gavin, it’s fucking weird but you’re with us now. No one fucks with you but us. No one murders you but us.”

Gavin flinched.

Isaac’s face fell. “Okay, that was maybe in bad taste.” He stood and held a hand out for Gavin. Gavin took it and painfully got to his feet. His hand felt cold when Isaac let go. “I want you to stay here with Finn while we handle this mess.” He waved his hand in the general direction of the cars. “Maybe we’ll leave Vera here, too. Just to be safe.” He took a step towards the door. “Does that sound okay? Will you be okay until we all get back? Gray and Edrissa will be here, too.”

“I-Isaac…” Gavin’s tongue felt too big for his mouth. _Isaac just saved me. I don’t know if Vera would be willing to do the same._ “Vera, um… she…” He wrapped his arms around his stomach and winced. “Could you… I mean, could you… please…?”

Isaac stared at Gavin. “Could I… what?”

“Um.” Gavin swallowed. “Could you be the one to, um, stay?” His cheeks burned with humiliation.

Isaac chewed his lip as he regarded Gavin. After a moment he said, “Sure. I can stay. Just let me check with Vera and Gray and send in Finn, okay?” He touched Gavin’s shoulder for a moment before he seemed to think better of it, and then pulled his hand away. “Will you be okay for just a second?”

“Yeah,” Gavin breathed, swaying where he stood. “I’ll be, I’ll be fine.” He watched Isaac as he turned and jogged out the door.


	40. Chapter 40

Gavin winced as Finn pushed against his abdomen. Isaac looked on, his gaze unfocused and far away. Gray and Edrissa were gone, out on a walk to calm Edrissa down after the others had taken the men back to town.

“Sorry,” Finn mumbled. They adjusted their hands and pushed again. “Deep breath.”

Gavin breathed in, doing his best to hold his face in a neutral expression. His stomach _hurt._ Under the pain, though, was a heavy, warm awareness that Gavin hadn’t been touched in a way that felt _good_ since he’d left his home and his birthright. Almost everything since then had been pain, torture. Up to this point, no one had touched him without the intention to do him harm…

No one except Sam, when Gavin had been beaten. And Gray and Sam together, at the funeral.

And Isaac, when he’d let Gavin hug him. Gavin’s throat tightened.

Finn watched his face carefully as they pressed in. “That hurt?”

“Um.” Gavin cleared his throat. “A little.”

“Where exactly did he kick you?”

Gavin leaned back and placed his hand on the left side of his stomach. Finn pulled up Gavin’s shirt.

“Hm. Not much bruising, that’s good.”

“Um.” Gavin ducked his head. “It’s fine.”

Finn laughed gently. “There are only a _few_ important things on that side. But if you’re still okay in a few hours, you’re probably in the clear.” Finn held Gavin’s wrists up to inspect the torn skin. “ _This_ I can do something about.”

Finn pulled their bag closer. Isaac stood back with his arms crossed over his chest, watching Finn out of the corner of his eye. After a moment he dropped his arms and started pacing the living room.

“Isaac,” Finn said gently as they pulled some ointment out of their bag, “Stop pacing.”

“I’m not…” Isaac sighed. “Fine.” He plopped down on the couch on the opposite end from Gavin. “What’s the verdict, doc?”

Finn smirked. “He _probably_ doesn’t have a busted pancreas, but that’s really all I can tell with the tools I have. These—” They held up one of Gavin’s wrists as they smeared the ointment on. “—will be fine.”

“Good.” Isaac pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. Gavin’s heart skipped a beat.

“Wh-what does this mean?” Gavin asked, his voice strained tight with pain as Finn gently wrapped Gavin’s wrist with gauze. “What do we do now?”

Isaac sighed. “Well, we obviously can’t leave you alone again. My bigger concern is that they _knew_ we were all gone. They were watching the house.”

Gavin swallowed hard. “They said they knew you wouldn’t be back for hours. Why did you… um… come back?”

“I forgot the store we wanted to go to would be closed today, so we just decided to scrap the day and come back early. I’m fucking glad we did.”

“Um. Me, me too.” Gavin hissed as Finn slathered the ointment on his other wrist.

“Oh, hush,” Finn said gently. “You’re fine.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Gavin mumbled. Finn glanced up at him with a hint of a smile.

“This definitely means we have to move our timetable up,” Isaac said, passing a hand over his face. “I thought we’d have more time to prepare, but the sooner we leave, the better for you.” He met Gavin’s eyes.

“Do you mean we… um… Am I coming with you?” A lump rose in Gavin’s throat.

Isaac blew out a slow breath. “I’m not sure what other options we have. You can’t stay here. They’d kill you within a day. And you can’t go further north. I have a feeling your name would follow you there, too, no matter how hard you try to keep it a secret.” Isaac rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at Gavin apologetically. “I can’t ask you to run missions against your family. I don’t know if I can… _trust_ you to do that. I wouldn’t trust me.”

“You can trust me,” Gavin murmured. “They’re not my family anymore.”

Isaac looked at Gavin steadily as Finn wrapped his other wrist. “You’re still a Stormbeck, Gavin.”

Gavin looked at the floor. “But I don’t… don’t _want_ to be. Everything they— we are is… is _bad._ I’m exactly who those men said I was.” Gavin glanced up and caught Finn and Isaac sharing a look.

Isaac wet his lips. “Not… not anymore… right?”

Gavin shook his head. “I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be those things. I’m still a Stormbeck, but they’re _not_ my family.”

Isaac narrowed his eyes. “Who is, then?” He looked at Gavin like he already knew the answer.

Gavin swallowed and awkwardly met Finn’s gaze as they finished tying the bandage. Gavin licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. “I…” he whimpered helplessly.

“Gavin…” Isaac’s gentle tone belied the command hidden in the word.

“I didn’t really know before they, um…” Gavin mumbled at the floor. “I didn’t know. I mean, I _did,_ but I didn’t know _how much_ I…” He shivered. “I don’t have to be your family. But I want… um, was hoping… you… could be mine.” His cheeks burned as he looked up and met Finn and Isaac’s eyes in turn.

Finn’s mouth fell open. “I…”

“It’s okay,” Gavin said quickly. “It’s okay if you don’t want me. I understand. I do. I’ve done… fucking awful things to all of you. But you, um, you gave me another chance. You l-let me live, you let me… be a part of you. You, um, saved me, when they were going to hang me. And I kn-know it’s been hard with me around, because I, um… I remind you of, of things… But you let me stay anyway. You, um, care. I… I thought I was going to die. He, um… he told me he was going to, um, kill me and make it look like a suicide. And I just… I thought…” Gavin’s eyes filled with tears and he shoved his face into his hands, mortified. “I just thought, I wanted to tell you all that I…” He choked off the word and his mouth shut with a _click_.

“Wanted to tell us what?” Finn said gently. Gavin looked up and Finn reached out to touch him, then pulled back.

“Um.” Gavin shook his head. “It’s not important. Thanks for cleaning me up, Finn. I, um, appreciate it.” Gavin pushed himself up off the couch and went to leave the room.

“Whatever it is, it was something so important you thought about it as you thought you were going to die,” Isaac said to Gavin’s back. “May as well share. I just had a gun pointed at me for _you,_ I figure we’re in too deep here to give a shit about you being _embarrassed_ now.”

Gavin paused. He turned and looked back at Isaac, standing in the middle of the living room with his arms crossed, and Finn, looking after him with something like _concern_ in their eyes. Gavin swallowed reflexively, his stomach churning with fear as his chest ached with the feeling he’d had before. He loved them all, even Ellis. Ellis had launched themselves at someone with a loaded gun for him. Sam had risked being shot jumping into that fight, too. And Isaac was right; he could’ve caught a bullet in the chest, for _Gavin._ Isaac could have died, for _Gavin._

_Is there no one he wouldn’t protect?_

Gavin licked his lips. _I might not have the chance to tell them again, if the people up here are willing to watch the house and send people to kill me._ His cheeks burned. _And I’m not afraid of Isaac killing me anymore._ “Um. I… I guess… I guess I just realized I, um, wanted you to be my family. And that I, um… l-love you all.”

Isaac’s eyes went wide, just as Finn’s cheeks flushed a bright red. “But…” Finn murmured. “I thought…”

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered, and turned to go. “I’m s-sorry…”

_“Wait.”_

Gavin froze at the tone in Isaac’s voice.

“I…” Finn breathed. “You’re d-different. I knew you were different, I knew you were getting better, but… you _love us?_ ”

“Don’t tell Vera,” Gavin said quickly, his voice shaking.

Isaac burst out laughing. Gavin jumped and grimaced at him. “What’s so fucking funny?”

Isaac pressed his lips together, a smile on his face. “I’m sorry. That was rude. But you… you almost _died,_ you almost got your fucking head blown off and you don’t want me to tell Vera that you… you _love_ us?”

“She’ll kill me,” Gavin whispered. “She’ll, um, she’ll kill me for saying that.”

Isaac’s lips quirked up. “Why do you think that?”

“Because she, um…” Gavin wrapped his arms around himself and winced. “She just will. I know she will. She’ll k-kill me, she’ll think I’m lying…”

“ _Are_ you lying?” Isaac asked, a strange edge to his voice.

“No!” Gavin took a step forward. “I swear to god, I’m not. I swear. When that man put the, um, gun…” Gavin shuddered. “I thought I was going to die. And I wanted you all to know that I, um, love you. And…” He turned his gaze to Isaac. “And…” _Your face was the last thing I wanted to see as he killed me._ “And I wanted to, um, see you all again.”

_“Why?”_ Finn breathed.

Gavin whimpered, humiliation and fear making him shiver. “B-because… you’re _good._ You’re all so _good._ And you, um, you love each other. No matter what. No matter how, um, _broken_ you get. You love each other. And, um, fix each other. And I… I’ve never had that.”

A look passed between Isaac and Finn, almost like a confirmation. Gavin pressed on.

“I, um, I watch you with each other. You’re so kind and you… you don’t _take_ from each other. You _give._ You, um, protect.” He flicked his gaze to Isaac. “And I, um…” Raw pain welled up in his chest. “And I… I’ve never had that before. I want to feel something _good._ I… I want love that doesn’t _hurt._ ”

He bit his lip as he looked back up to Finn and Isaac. His stomach dropped as, for a moment, an image flashed across his mind: Isaac, choking on the floor, bleeding, _dying,_ because of Gavin. Isaac, gasping around the hole in his chest, drenched in his down blood. For Gavin. Isaac could have died today, because of Gavin.

Gavin drew in a shuddering gasp. He turned to leave, and didn’t look back to see Isaac and Finn’s reaction.


	41. The Dream

_Gavin flew awake with a scream, throwing his hand out in front of his face to protect himself. His heart hammered in his chest like he’d been running. There wasn’t enough air in the room. He lurched forward, gasping, holding his hand to his chest._

_There was a monster in the dark with him. A monster with Vera’s eyes and a thousand pointed teeth, something that was going to feast on his flesh and blood until he was nothing but bones. Something that was going to tear his body open and bleed him out onto the floor._

_There was a rustle, and Gavin gasped._

_“Who’s that?” His eyes widened as he tried to see in the dark. “H-hello?”_

_“It’s just me, Gavin,” came the reply. It wasn’t Vera’s voice._

_“Isaac?” Gavin gasped. He flinched back as the lights blazed on._

_Isaac stood in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. Gavin’s mouth went dry. Isaac’s hair was still mussed from sleep, his sleeping shirt stretched over his muscles like he was flexing on purpose. Gavin’s gaze fell to the bedspread and he swallowed._

_“Another nightmare?” Isaac sounded gruff, but… there was something under it that made Gavin’s heart beat a little faster. Something close to gentleness._

_“Um.” Gavin wet his lips. “Yeah.”_

_“Wanna talk about it?”_

_Gavin let his eyes flick to up to look at Isaac. Isaac looked at him evenly, calmly, like he really would listen if Gavin told him._

_“Um…” He swallowed. “N-no. Thank you.”_

_“Okay.” Isaac turned to go._

_Gavin’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest._ “No.” _He threw his hand out towards Isaac. “Please. Please stay.”_

_Isaac paused, surveying him carefully, and turned back. His gaze moved around the room and finally settled onto the foot of Gavin’s bed. “Mind if I sit?”_

_“Um…” Gavin’s voice cracked like he was sixteen. “Yeah. Yeah. That sounds good.”_

_Isaac nodded and closed the door._

_Gavin’s eyes widened. Isaac slowly approached his bed and sat down on the end. There was a good three feet between them, but Gavin could swear he felt the heat coming off Isaac’s skin, even from so far away. Gavin trembled._

_Isaac laughed gently. “What?” His light brown eyes burned into Gavin’s green._

_Gavin gasped softly and looked down again. “Sorry. I. Um. Was just thinking.”_

_“About what?” A small smile pulled at the corner of Isaac’s mouth._

Fuck.

_Gavin wet his lips. “Don’t, um, don’t worry about it.”_

_Gavin’s gaze dropped to a scar on Isaac’s forearm. It cut across his skin from the edge of his left wrist halfway to his elbow, in a straight, thick line. Gavin’s eyes narrowed. He’d never noticed it before. “Um…” Isaac followed Gavin’s gaze down to his arm. “That… that wasn’t one of mine.”_

_Isaac turned his forearm and looked at it. “Oh. No.” The scars from Gavin’s knife, rows and rows of burns down Isaac’s arms, shimmered on the other side. “That was from the bullet.”_

_Gavin looked up at Isaac in surprise. “The bullet?”_

_Isaac nodded. “Yeah. When you almost shot Sam. You ended up shooting me.”_

_Gavin’s eyes widened. “Oh. I… I had no idea that hit you.”_

_Isaac nodded. “Yup.” He held Gavin’s gaze, a calculating look in his eyes. Finally, he wet his lips. “Wanna see?”_

_Gavin’s skin felt like it would combust. “Um, what?”_

_Isaac grinned at him. “My scars. Wanna see?”_

_Gavin’s heart couldn’t have beat faster. His mouth was bone dry. “Um. Yeah.”_

_Isaac reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head._

_Gavin gasped and bit his lip, his eyes moving over the planes of Isaac’s body. His strong arms, his taut chest, the way the hair below his navel disappeared into the waistband of his pants…_

_Gavin gasped again, and louder, at the sheer_ number _of scars that crossed Isaac’s body. Long lines from Gavin’s knife criss-crossed Isaac’s chest and abdomen. The burns up and down his arms in places made an almost solid stripe of scars. A ragged line stretched across Isaac’s right hand from the top of his wrist to the base of his thumb._

_Isaac turned to show Gavin his back. Gavin’s chest ached at the whip scars that crossed Isaac’s back, dozens of them. There had to be close to a hundred. Each one slightly raised, a silvery line where Gavin had split his skin. Each one, a reminder of Gavin’s torture. Gavin reached out and let his fingertips trail over the scars on Isaac’s back, wishing he could…_

_Wishing he could_ kiss _them._

_Gavin swallowed hard._

_Isaac shivered when Gavin touched him. For a moment Gavin wanted to pull his hand away, until Isaac took a deep breath in and relaxed his shoulders. Gavin pressed his fingers harder against Isaac’s back._

_Isaac turned back to Gavin. Gavin pulled his hand back slightly when he saw something in Isaac’s eyes that he couldn’t place. Something that scared him. Something he wanted more of._

_Isaac lunged forward and pinned Gavin to the headboard by his throat._

_Gavin’s hands went up to wrap around Isaac’s wrist to pull his hand away, so he could_ breathe. _But didn’t he deserve this? Hadn’t he choked Isaac, over and over and over, when he’d had him in his basement? Hadn’t he put him through indescribable pain, for his own_ pleasure _?_

_“You tortured me,” Isaac rasped against Gavin’s ear._

_“I know,” Gavin whimpered. Tears sprang to his eyes._

_“You made me beg you to kill me. You hurt me. Made me hurt for_ months _after. You made me fail my_ family _. You made me… You_ broke me, _Gavin Stormbeck.”_

_“No,” Gavin sobbed. “I never did. You_ know _I never did.”_

_“I begged for my family to come for me,” Isaac whispered. Gavin shivered as Isaac’s lips brushed his ear. “You drew that out of me.”_

_“But you never betrayed them.” A tear rolled down Gavin’s cheek._

_“How am I supposed to trust you?” Isaac whimpered. “How am I…?” He leaned forward against Gavin, pressing his body in close._

_“You can kill me,” Gavin whispered. “I understand. You can do it. I… I’m sorry.”_

_Isaac’s fingers tightened around Gavin’s throat and he gagged._ This is it. Isaac is going to kill me. I can’t have asked for anything else. I fucking deserve it.

_Isaac held perfectly still, his fingers tight around Gavin’s throat, trembling, gasping against Gavin’s shoulder. Gavin’s hands were still wrapped around Isaac’s wrist._

_“I…” Isaac whimpered. “I don’t want to kill you. I c-can’t.”_

_“Why not?” Gavin croaked. He didn’t want Isaac to. But if that is what would stop Isaac’s pain, save him from it… He would do anything to do that._

_“B-because I…” Isaac’s fingers loosened around Gavin’s throat, and his hand slid down to rest against Gavin’s chest. “Because I…”_

_Isaac raised pained eyes to Gavin’s. Gavin thought his heart would shatter with the depth of the agony he saw in Isaac, of the suffering that still ravaged his mind and body, almost a year after Gavin had tortured him._

_“If killing me is what will end your pain, Isaac,” Gavin said softly, “Then do it.” He moved Isaac’s hand around his throat again. “Please.”_

_Isaac whimpered. “I can’t. I… I can’t.”_

_Isaac leaned forward and pressed a firm kiss to Gavin’s lips._

_For a moment, Gavin couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t_ think.

_Then his hands were on Isaac, on his waist, pulling him close. He opened his mouth and Isaac’s tongue moved against his._

_“Isaac,” he gasped. “You don’t… you don’t have to—”_

_“But I want you,” Isaac groaned softly. “I… I can’t_ fucking _explain it. I know it’s wrong, and I know I shouldn’t, but… I…” Isaac’s hands knotted in Gavin’s hair. “If you want me, too, then… Please._ Please.”

_Gavin sighed, and surrendered._

_Isaac’s hands moved to the hem of Gavin’s shirt and pulled it up over his head. Isaac’s hands moved to Gavin’s chest, sliding up to his neck, tangling his hair, moving down to his shoulders, moving down further to his waist. Gavin clutched at Isaac, the scars rough under his hands. His body ached in all the places where he had hurt Isaac: where he had carved into him, beat him, broke up open with the whip, seared the skin on his arms until it was open and weeping. He ached where he had shot Isaac, and hadn’t even known it._ How much pain have I caused Isaac that I still don’t know about?

_Isaac moaned as Gavin opened his mouth to him, his hands moving up to cup Gavin’s face, pulling his lips hard against his. Isaac crawled on top of Gavin and straddled his hips where he sat against the headboard. Gavin whimpered at the weight where he was hardening against his pajama pants._

_“How can you want me, after what you did to me?” Isaac gasped against Gavin’s mouth, and kissed his way along Gavin’s jaw to his ear._

_Gavin trembled. “How can I_ not _want you? If I had known… I’m so sorry, Isaac, I’m so_ fucking _stupid, I should have known after that very first phone call…”_

_Isaac pulled away, his gaze burning on Gavin’s face. “What?”_

_Gavin licked his lips. “The… the phone call. I knew that… that you were strong, and brave, and I knew I’d found someone_ good, _someone I might not be able to break this time…” Gavin swallowed hard. “…as soon as you offered yourself up in Sam’s place. I knew you were…” Gavin whimpered at the smoldering look Isaac was giving him, at the fingers tightening in his hair. “I knew you were…” Gavin closed his eyes and pulled Isaac’s forehead against his. “I knew I wanted you to be mine. I just didn’t know… that I wanted you_ that _way. I thought I just wanted to, to_ hurt _you, to watch your pain, but…” Gavin pulled Isaac back, his gaze moving over Isaac’s face, resting at last on his lips. “I didn’t know I wanted to_ have _you.”_

_Isaac smiled and pulled Gavin’s mouth against his again._

_Isaac moved back and palmed the throbbing heat between Gavin’s legs. Gavin gasped and bucked into Isaac’s hand, his mouth falling open. Isaac grinned. “You want me?”_

_“You know I do,” Gavin rasped, tilting his head back._

_“Hm.” Isaac took Gavin’s wrist in his hand and pulled it out to the corner of the bed, pinning it against the mattress. Gavin was too busy opening his mouth to Isaac’s kiss to notice the winding of rope around his wrist until it tightened. Gavin’s eyes widened as he stared at the rope tying him to the bed, and snapped his gaze back to Isaac. Isaac was smiling._

_“Do you trust me?” Isaac said softly._

_Gavin nodded. “Yes,” he whispered._

_Isaac took Gavin’s other wrist and pulled it to the other corner of the bed. This time Gavin watched as Isaac wound the rope around his wrist and tied it. He trembled with_ want. _Isaac’s mouth returned to his and he sank deep into the kiss._

_Isaac pulled back. Gavin opened his eyes to see him smiling a wicked smile that made Gavin’s stomach drop._

_Isaac moved his weight off Gavin. He grabbed Gavin’s hips and jerked him down away from the headboard. Gavin cried out in surprise as Isaac dragged him flat on his back, his arms stretched over him and tied to the bed, vulnerable. Exposed. His heart beat in his chest._

_Isaac dragged his mouth from Gavin’s throat down his chest, across his abdomen, biting Gavin’s side and then sucking gently on the red mark he’d made. Gavin’s chest heaved as he squeezed his eyes shut. Isaac kissed his way from Gavin’s side, back across his abdomen, to Gavin’s opposite hip. Gavin dragged in a gasp as Isaac ran his tongue along the waistband of Gavin’s pajama pants._

_“Can I—”_

“Yes,” _Gavin wheezed. Isaac smiled and pulled Gavin’s pajama pants down around his hips. Gavin shivered as his cock sprang free, hard and weeping at the tip. Isaac pulled Gavin’s pants the rest of the way off his legs. His hands returned to Gavin’s waist._

_“I wonder what you would have done to me, if you’d realized how you felt from the start,” Isaac murmured. “What you would have_ made me do. _”_

_“I wouldn’t have hurt you,” Gavin said weakly. “I… I couldn’t.”_

_“Hm.” Isaac hummed low in his throat. “Maybe makes me wish you_ had _known.” He pressed his lips against Gavin’s hip, inches from his cock. Gavin shuddered and bucked his hips up._

_“I wouldn’t be so fucking broken,” Isaac whispered. He met Gavin’s eyes – and wrapped his hand around Gavin’s cock._

_Gavin whimpered, his mouth falling open at the pressure of Isaac’s hands on him. “You’re not broken, Isaac.”_

_“You don’t know that,” Isaac said softly, and wouldn’t meet Gavin’s eyes._

_“I do.” Isaac looked up at him. “I do. You’re not broken. You’re not. You’re… you’re_ beautiful. _”_

_Isaac’s hand pumped Gavin’s cock. Gavin bit down hard on his lips to keep from crying out. “I wish I hadn’t hurt you. But… I never_ broke _you. You’ve never been_ broken, _Isaac.” Gavin wished he could reach out and touch Isaac’s face, wished Isaac would turn his cheek into Gavin’s palm._

_“I’m scarred forever,” Isaac said softly, sadly._

_“But not broken,” Gavin breathed._

_Isaac looked deep into Gavin’s eyes. Gavin’s mouth went dry, and his hips pushed up into Isaac’s hand without his trying to do it. The corners of Isaac’s mouth pulled up._

_“Makes me wish you had known,” Isaac murmured, “Because I would have liked to love you like this.” He pressed his lips against the tip of Gavin’s cock. Gavin gasped, every nerve in his body a life wire._

_Isaac opened his lips and took Gavin’s length slowly into his mouth._

_Gavin shuddered and cried out softly, his vision momentarily going white. He whined high in his throat as Isaac took more and more of him, sliding his tongue down Gavin’s cock, until Gavin felt himself press against the back of Isaac’s throat._

_Isaac pulled back a few inches, and Gavin shivered at the feeling of Isaac’s mouth around him. Then Isaac began to_ move.

_Gavin whimpered as Isaac fucked Gavin softly with his mouth, the tips of his fingers pressing into Gavin’s skin. Gavin strained against the rope tying him to the bed, longing to run his fingers through Isaac’s hair, to cup the back of his neck, to guide him along his length._

_“I—” Gavin’s voice faltered. He tried again. “Isaac…” He licked his lips. “Isaac,_ fuck _…”_

_Isaac pulled back until his mouth hovered a few inches above Gavin’s cock. “I will in a minute,” he said softly, and put his mouth on Gavin again._

_Gavin’s hips bucked against Isaac’s face. The heat was already coiling in Gavin’s pelvis, centered on where Isaac was putting his mouth. “Isaac… Jesus_ Christ _… let me…”_

_Isaac reached up with one hand and put his thumb gently against Gavin’s lips. Gavin opened his mouth and Isaac slid his thumb in, resting against Gavin’s tongue, before pressing down. Gavin moaned as Isaac pushed his thumb further into his mouth._

_He could feel his climax building already, stirring in his body, drawn out by Isaac’s heat, by the swirl of Isaac’s tongue against his cock, by the fact that he was so fucking_ deep _that he could feel himself push a little into Isaac’s throat. He pulled harder against the ropes, a thin sheen of sweat breaking out over his skin. Pleasure coiled tighter and tighter in his cock._

_Gavin closed his mouth around Isaac’s thumb and sucked gently, his tongue pressing against the salt of Isaac’s skin. Isaac pulled away from Gavin’s cock and looked up at him. Gavin whimpered._

_“Do you want me to take you?” Isaac said softly._

_Gavin moaned. He wanted Isaac to take him, wanted him to finish him with his mouth, wanted to take Isaac into his mouth, wanted Isaac in every way there was to have him. He pulled against the ropes, his hips bucking towards Isaac again, desperately wanting to finish. “Yes,” he whispered._

_Isaac grinned and sat up. Gavin whined softly as his cock stood at attention, throbbing with the orgasm that was_ so close. _If only Isaac would put his mouth on him again, if he would only let him_ finish _…_

_Isaac reached over Gavin to the nightstand. Gavin followed his hand with his gaze, and his eyes widened when he saw was Isaac was reaching for: a bottle of lube._

_Gavin planted his heels against the bed and spread his legs apart, trembling. His eyes rolled back as Isaac ran his fingers down Gavin’s stomach, trailing down to his hip, while his other hand went between Gavin’s legs. Gavin’s toes curled as Isaac’s slicked fingers circled Gavin’s entrance. Isaac’s lips pulled into a smile, and he pressed a finger into Gavin._

_Gavin couldn’t hold in his cry. He trembled as Isaac pressed deeper, easing him open. Isaac leaned over Gavin and caught his mouth with an open-mouthed kiss._

_Gavin’s hands squeezed into fists as he opened his legs wider to Isaac, opened his mouth to him. He sighed as Isaac’s tongue moved against his lower lip. He consciously relaxed around Isaac’s finger. Isaac smiled against his lips and added another._

_Isaac’s other hand went back behind Gavin’s neck, tilting his head back, making a fist in his hair. Gavin’s mouth fell open in a groan as Isaac turned his head to the side and kissed down his neck, nibbling and sucking as he went. Isaac drew his tongue down Gavin’s collarbone as he added another finger._

_Gavin’s cock pressed against Isaac’s arm as Isaac worked his fingers into Gavin, preparing him. Gavin moved his hips against Isaac, chasing friction, silently begging for release. Isaac bit down hard on Gavin’s chest just below his collarbone. Gavin gasped and clenched his jaw to keep from crying out._

_“Isaac, please,” he rasped._

_Isaac removed his fingers from inside Gavin and reached for the nightstand again. This time Gavin didn’t follow his hand, but kept his gaze fixed on Isaac’s face. His eyes widened as Isaac returned with what he was looking for, and tore open the packet._

_“Isaac,” Gavin pleaded._

_Something in Gavin’s voice made Isaac stop halfway through rolling on the condom. He met Gavin’s eyes, his hands moving slowly against his own cock. “Yeah?”_

_Gavin licked his lips. “Will you just… kiss me, please. I have to know this is real. I have to know you want this, too.”_

_Isaac’s gaze softened. He finished rolling on the condom and leaned forward, bracing himself on either side of Gavin’s head. He pressed his lips softly against Gavin’s._

_Gavin moaned at the kiss, slow, stoking the fire in him, bringing him even closer to his climax. He quivered and opened his mouth to Isaac._

_Isaac pulled back. Gavin made a strangled sound in his throat and leaned forward, trying to chase the kiss. His wrists pulled against the ropes, his hands nearly going numb. Isaac knelt between his knees, slicking up his cock and staring down at Gavin with a wicked grin._

_Gavin panted, his eyes moving to Isaac’s cock, and back to his face._

_Isaac lifted an eyebrow, smiling wider. “What do you want?” he said softly._

_Gavin licked his lips. “Fuck me,” he whispered. “Please.”_

_Isaac leaned over Gavin, pressing his cock against Gavin’s stomach. Gavin whimpered. “Or what?” Isaac said with a grin. “You’ll chain me up? Cut my clothes off? Beat me until I can’t stand up?”_

_Gavin strained against the ropes, his eyes flicking to Isaac’s lips. “Please,” he managed._

_Isaac hummed low in his throat. “Looks like the tables have turned, Stormbeck,” he said softly. He held his lips to Gavin’s ear. Goosebumps erupted over Gavin’s skin as Isaac’s breath tickled his neck. “You can have me,” Isaac whispered._

_Isaac lifted Gavin’s hips up and lined himself up at Gavin’s ass. He covered Gavin’s mouth with his, tongue moving against his lips. He eased himself against Gavin and pushed himself in._

_Gavin gasped as Isaac filled him up. Isaac’s hand moved to Gavin’s cock, pumping slowly, easing Gavin into the sensation of being so_ filled, _so deliciously, perfectly_ taken. _Claimed, not in the way he had claimed Isaac before, but in an entirely new way. One he thought he might not have ever felt before. Gavin met Isaac’s eyes, and something in him gave way. Gavin knew he would do anything Isaac wanted for the rest of the night. For the rest of time._

_Isaac gently eased himself partway out of Gavin, and then back in, his hands going to Gavin’s face. Isaac sucked on Gavin’s lower lip and he groaned. Gavin pushed his legs further apart, trying to take more of Isaac in. Trying to be his, completely. He relaxed against the pull of the rope and surrendered back onto the mattress, letting Isaac have every part of him. His body, Isaac’s. His mind as well. His soul. Everything he was, everything he could be, he handed over to Isaac in that moment, lost in their kiss, filled up, tied down, taken._

_Isaac thought Gavin had broken him. He thought Gavin had taken away everything he was, had claimed it for himself. But Gavin knew that wasn’t true. Gavin knew now that Isaac had never surrendered anything of himself, had never lost any of himself to Gavin’s torture. Gavin, though, had lost everything. Lost everything, and given it to Isaac, freely. Not at the point of a knife, but in the warmth of their bodies together, the heat of their skin and the friction of Isaac’s body on his, the fullness inside him, the taste of Isaac on his lips._

_Isaac picked up the pace, working his hips against Gavin’s, hitting that spot in Gavin that made his entire body tremble with pleasure, reaching down with one hand to stroke Gavin’s cock. Gavin’s climax built in him, swelled up in him, filled up his body with nothing with humming pleasure, as Isaac moaned against his mouth, sweat shining on his skin. Isaac quivered against Gavin, his hands tightening on his jaw, his hip, speeding up against Gavin, whimpering and groaning as Gavin’s voice rose, as he shuddered around Isaac, as he pulled so hard against the rope his wrists felt raw._

_When Isaac had built enough pleasure in Gavin’s body he thought he would shake apart with it, as Isaac shuddered and cried out against Gavin’s skin, Gavin threw his head back and came hard on Isaac’s cock. Isaac collapsed on Gavin’s chest, his mouth pressing against Gavin’s shoulder, as Gavin came all over his stomach. Isaac whimpered, his hands moving to Gavin’s face, to his hair, to his neck, pressing kisses against his jaw, trembling in the glow of his own climax. Their sweat dried on each other’s skin. Gavin met Isaac’s eyes and smiled._

-

Gavin jerked awake and sat up, his sheets soaked in a cold sweat. His pajama pants were sticky and wet. His heart beat so hard he could hear it in his ears.

_What the fuck? What the_ fuck _?_


	42. Chapter 42

Gavin’s eyes stretched wide as they darted around his dark room. He panted, his hands twisting in the sheets. _No no no no_ no.

That dream had to be some sick joke his mind was playing on him. _Isaac?_ No way. No fucking way. He couldn’t feel that way about Isaac, he _couldn’t have feelings for Isaac._ Not after what Gavin did to him. Not after Gavin nearly destroyed him.

_Isaac carries scars on his body because of me. Isaac has broken down, lost control, because of me. Isaac has nightmares still because of_ me. _I can’t feel that way for him. What the fuck is_ wrong _with me?_

He buried his face in his hands, his skin damp with sweat. How could he _not_ have feelings for Isaac? Torturing Sam had been, ultimately, a strategic move to gain knowledge about the people who’d been sabotaging his operations. But with Isaac… Something had always been there, something he didn’t know how to explain. There’d been something about Isaac that Gavin wanted _more_ of, since that very first phone call. From that very first moment Isaac said, _“take me,”_ Gavin had known Isaac was special.

But… not like this. Not like _this._

And yet… his body still sung with pleasure, his skin warm and feeling almost too tight. His heart _ached,_ but he knew now. He knew the truth.

How could he not have _known?_ How could he have been so fucking _stupid?_ How could he not have known, just from how Sam described him? Gavin had known going in that Isaac was brave. That he was devoted. That he loved his family so much he was willing to die screaming for them. When had Gavin ever had that before? When had he ever had real love at all?

How had he not known when Isaac held Gavin’s own knife to his throat? How had he not known, when Isaac let himself be cut, just so the northerners would know how _broken_ Gavin was? How had he not known, when Isaac stood in the doorway with a gun pointed at his chest, another gun in Gavin’s mouth, and demanded Gavin’s life be spared? How had he not known, when Isaac had been… _worried_ … about him?

How could he not have known when he’d had Isaac on his knees in front of him, dripping wet from the drowning?

_“Fuck you.”_

_“Should you be so lucky.”_

Gavin flushed red at the memory. Some things about those last few days before his concussion were fuzzy, but that he could remember clear as day.

Gavin pressed his hands against his eyes. So what if he had known? So what if he knew from the very beginning? He wouldn’t have… He could never have _raped_ Isaac, even then. That wasn’t who he was. And he couldn’t have taken Isaac as a lover. Not after what he did to Sam.

_I destroyed any chance I had with him before I even met him._

It could never have been any different. There was no world where Gavin could have broken Sam, and still had Isaac. He cursed himself, cursed his life, cursed his fucked-up fucking brain for _wanting_ the blood and pain of others. As good as that had felt, as good as hurting people had made him feel for his whole life, it didn’t come close to the connection and unbearable pleasure he’d felt just _dreaming_ about Isaac’s touch. Dreaming about his lips, his body, his…

Gavin groaned and cut that thought off with a ferocity that made him shudder.

_I can never have that with him. I’ll never have him in my bed. I’ve done too much to him and his family. He could never love me like that._

And if he _could?_ How would Sam feel? Sam, who Gavin had tentatively come to think of as a friend in the past few weeks? Sam, who he’d thrown into a flashback not three days before? As good as Sam was, as pure, Gavin couldn’t imagine them being alright with Isaac sleeping with the man that had broken them both.

And Vera… Gavin shuddered to think of what Vera would do to him if she found out he’d even _thought_ about Isaac that way.

There was nothing else his mind could think of, at the moment. Nothing but Isaac’s body in Gavin’s bed.

The dream was starting to fade, the wisps of memory and feeling being swept out of his brain like leaves in the breeze. He shivered and tried desperately to grab onto the feel of Isaac’s lips on his, his hands, how his scars had felt under Gavin’s fingertips. He clung to the feeling of the rope around his wrists, tying him down as Isaac fucked him.

_That wasn’t fucking,_ a distant voice in his mind said. _That was making love._

He _loved_ Isaac. He couldn’t hide that from himself now.

For a dizzying moment, Gavin considered just how big a dumbass he had to be to miss that.

He’d always felt this way about Isaac. Before, it had been twisted, warped, _defiled_ with his lust for Isaac’s blood. But it had always been there. _Always._ Since that first phone call, it had been there.

_I’ve always wanted him. I just didn’t know why. Didn’t know how._

_How am I this fucking stupid?_

How could he _not know himself_ this much?

Still, he clung to the fading touches. He clung to the heat. He clung to how it had all felt, Isaac’s mouth, Isaac’s hands, Isaac’s cock.

Isaac had _taken him,_ and all Gavin wanted was to feel it again.

Gavin had never had sex like that. He knew he’d had good sex, with good partners. It had never held as much interest for Gavin as torture had, but… he was different now. It wasn’t just that he couldn’t hurt people anymore, and didn’t want to… It was that he wanted _Isaac,_ in every way there was to have him. Gavin would go to his knees for Isaac, on his back, would press Isaac into the mattress and fuck him until he was screaming Gavin’s name if that’s what Isaac wanted. Gavin would do anything for Isaac. He’d risk himself. He’d sacrifice himself, he’d spend his life by Isaac’s side, as a friend. As whatever Isaac would let him be. He knew he couldn’t be Isaac’s lover, but he could be Isaac’s friend. Isaac was so good, was so strong and brave, that it _hurt._ Gavin could hurt, if it meant being with Isaac. He could put away his pain, his longing.

A shudder rolled over Gavin’s shoulders, and for a moment he thought the longing would crush him.

How had it come to _this?_ Gavin saw the inexorable chain of his actions leading him here, and he didn’t know how it could have ended any differently. There was no way Gavin could have _not_ loved Isaac. There was no way Gavin could have seen who Isaac was, his strength, his courage, how he held on through everything Gavin did to him, and wouldn’t break, and _still_ wouldn’t break… There was no way Gavin could have seen that and not loved Isaac. There was no way Gavin could have seen Isaac’s brokenness now, his vulnerability, and not wanted to comfort him. There was no way Gavin could see how protective Isaac had been of _him,_ and not wanted more. There was no way he could have thrown his arms around Isaac, and felt Isaac put his arms around him, and not have _ached_ to feel that again.

It was as inevitable as the tide, and just as powerful. Sweeping Gavin out to sea, drowning him. Gavin couldn’t breathe.

He wound his arms around his chest and squeezed, whimpering in the dark. “I want Isaac,” he whispered aloud. A wave of fear and warmth washed over him. There was also a feeling of something slotting into place inside him, of finally knowing the truth that had hung heavy on his mind for nearly a year. Heavy on his soul.

“I want Isaac.”

“I love Isaac.”

He squeezed his eyes shut against the burn of tears as he said it. The loneliness that had crushed him since he’d left his home rose to a crescendo. He sobbed, muffling the sound with his hand. “N-no,” he whimpered. “I love Isaac.”

Isaac didn’t love him back. Isaac never _would._ Gavin knew he had to stay with the family for the rest of his life, if he wanted to live. He was a fugitive from the people he had thought were his family, and a monster to all the people in the north who wanted him dead. He had to rely on the protection of this new family to keep him alive. He could never leave them. He never _wanted_ to.

That meant he could never get away from this feeling. He could never get away from Isaac.

He didn’t want that. Now that this had happened, now that he _knew,_ he realized nothing could tear him from Isaac’s side. The fear of death no longer held him here. The intoxicating devotion the team had shown, the love they shared, the strength they found in each other… More and more, that was what was tethering Gavin to this family. Loving Isaac was just the seal. The final nail in his coffin.

Loving Isaac is what would undo him, and he knew it.

The vast expanse of his life stretched out in front of him, years and years if he was lucky. To Gavin it felt like a barren wasteland, trapped in a world of fear, of running, of never quite being accepted and trusted. It felt like being constantly on the outside. Not syndicate, but not civilian, either. Not northerner. Gavin was _nothing,_ now.

A thrill went through Gavin’s spine as something occurred to him: _you’ll never be able to keep this secret. Not for your whole life. Why not tell him? What’s the worst that could happen?_

_He’d kill me, that’s the worst that could happen._

Although… Maybe Isaac wouldn’t. He’d very nearly taken a bullet for Gavin, after all. Why take such a risk for someone you’re planning on killing?

_He didn’t know I loved him them. Maybe he would’ve let them blow my head off if he knew._

Gavin shivered as anguish wracked his chest. _I can’t go my whole life loving him without telling him. I can’t. It’ll tear me apart._ Now that he knew, there was no way he could hide it. This was the truest thing he’d ever known. He’d lost everything, but he’d gained so much more.

_I know myself enough to know that I can’t hide this. I hid it from myself for so long._

_Isaac’s going to find out._

Gavin folded forward and pressed his face against his knees. If Isaac was going to find out, Gavin was going to be the one to tell him. There was no way he was letting it run away from him. He shuddered to think of Gray finding out and telling Isaac, or Sam.

Or Vera.

Gavin _definitely_ didn’t want that.

How to phrase it? How exactly do you say, _“Hey, I know I tortured the person you consider to be a sibling, tortured your family, tortured you, planned to take your best friend and her girlfriend to my house to torture them together and (apparently, unknowingly,) put her back with her rapist, sicced my mother on you all, nearly got you killed several times because of my_ fucking Stormbeck name, _but now I love you and want you and never want to leave your side”_? How the fuck do you _say_ that? How do you say, _“I made a mistake, I’m sorry I’m so fucking broken, I’m sorry I’m so fucking evil that I enjoyed your pain, but that’s been taken from me, and now all that’s left is a desire to be loved_ ”? How do you say, _“I singlehandedly nearly destroyed everything you love, but now I want you so badly I feel it like a physical pain”_?

How do you say _“I love you”_ to the person you broke?

Gavin whimpered, tugging at his hair as he forced his face harder against his knees. _I broke Isaac. I can’t fucking deny that anymore, either._ That was the core of Gavin’s pain, the main force of it. _It took a massive concussion to shake me loose in my own head, and then a bullet to the chest and the sight of my father being slaughtered to finally destroy the thing that made me evil._

He shook his head.

_No. It didn’t make me evil. I took it and made it mine._

_But that’s gone from me now. Who am I now? What’s left?_

Love for Isaac. Love for Sam, and Gray, and Finn. Love for Vera and Ellis. Love for Tori, although Gavin didn’t know her very well. Love for Edrissa, the scared little thing who turned out to be so strong. _That’s_ what was left. That’s who he was. That’s what he wanted to fill him up now where the broken, shattered shell of his sadism, his evil, still scraped at the raw insides of his mind. Now that Vera and Isaac had broken him and all the hate and pain had slithered out, he wanted to be filled anew with good. With love.

He wanted to be filled with Isaac. He blushed in the dark, heaved a broken half-laugh, half-sob. _Fuck._

He had to tell Isaac. Tomorrow. The team was already planning on leaving within the next two days, and this was _not_ something he wanted coming out on the road. He wanted to give Isaac the option to leave him behind, if he chose it. He couldn’t be near Isaac, completely compromised, without Isaac even _knowing._ It put the whole team at risk. It wasn’t fair to Isaac, to be trapped with Gavin on the road, learning about this for the first time. No, he had to tell Isaac before they left.

And he’d suffer the consequences. If Isaac wanted him dead after that, Gavin would try to run. He would understand, but he’d still try to run. Maybe it was possible to live elsewhere. Maybe he really could find a place where nobody had ever heard of the Stormbeck name. He couldn’t just stand and let Isaac kill him. He’d try to run.

If Isaac wanted to leave him behind, he’d accept that too. A tendril of hope curled in his chest that maybe _Gray_ would let him stay with them. Gray wouldn’t be able to protect him from people who wanted to kill him, he knew that. If he could stay with Gray, maybe he could learn to be a good person from them. Maybe Gray could be the parent Gavin never had. The _good_ parent.

The tears in Gavin’s eyes soaked into the comforter.

If Isaac still agreed to take Gavin south, use him for the information he had, Gavin would make peace with that. He would go with Isaac, help him take down the syndicates that had been his entire world since birth. If he could be with Isaac, not in his bed but with him nevertheless, he could live with that. He would ache with longing every day, but he could do it. Knowing that Isaac knew the truth could be good enough.

But if Isaac reciprocated his feelings? If Isaac wanted him?

Gavin ground his fists into his temples. There was no use thinking about that. Isaac didn’t love him back, never would. Going down that train of thought would only hurt. It would only drive him crazy.

He curled up on his side under the blankets, shivering, holding down his sobs. He pressed his face into his hands and cried himself to sleep.


	43. Chapter 43

Isaac lounged on his bed, drifting. He wasn’t tired enough to take a nap, but he didn’t feel like doing anything else. He stared at the ceiling, his eyes moving slowly over the swirl of the drywall. Finding patterns. Daydreaming.

He’d never been so well-rested that he wouldn’t just pass out as soon as he got horizontal. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt safe enough to sleep late. To nap. The team had planning to do if they were to leave the north in two days, but they still had _time._ Vera and Gray were discussing strategy in the living room with the sort of heavy sadness that came with the knowledge that Gray wouldn’t be coming with them. It was a conversation that Isaac knew he should be a part of, but he couldn’t force himself to get out of bed and join them. He just wanted to _rest._ In a few days, their lives would be nothing but adrenaline and sleep deprivation and blood again. For this moment, he just wanted peace. For this moment, he just wanted to rest. His eyes fluttered closed.

“Hey, you have a minute?”

Isaac jumped slightly, despite the gentle tone in Gray’s voice. He groaned and rolled onto his side, putting his feet flat on the floor. “Yeah. Sorry. Do you need to talk strategy, or…?”

“No. I wanted to get outside, and I wanted to talk to you. Walk with me?”

Isaac nodded as he reached for his jacket. “Yeah. Sure thing.”

As he passed through the living room to grab his shoes, Vera smiled at him. He smiled back, his heart clenching, unsettled by the sadness behind her eyes. He swallowed and walked out the door behind Gray into the afternoon air.

“Gray?” he said, his voice breaking. “What’s, um… what’s up?”

Gray smiled sadly. “We have a lot to talk about. I wanted to talk to you before I let the others know.”

Isaac felt a prickle of sweat under his shirt. “Gray… _what is it?_ ”

Gray sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m being unnecessarily cryptic. I just…” They cleared their throat. “It’s very hard for me to think about it myself.” They looked up at the sky, and Isaac saw tears glittering in their eyes. “Ah. You know I can’t go south with you.”

Isaac’s breath rushed out of him. “I… I know. Because of…” He glanced at Gray’s chest, where there was an almost-healed wound from Gavin’s bullet.

“Not just because of that. Isaac…” They exhaled sharply in something that resembled a bitter laugh. “I’m fifty-three years old. I’ve been in this fight for… oh. Almost twenty years.” They laughed gently. “I’ve been trying to outrun time all those years. Trying to outrun injuries and sickness. Death. Gavin very nearly killed me last year. If I was a few years older, he might have.”

“No way,” Isaac said brokenly, holding back tears. “Finn woulda patched you up. You would’ve been just fine.”

Gray smiled. “I’m sure they would appreciate hearing that. And it’s not that I don’t have faith in them. Honestly, quite a few of us would be dead if it wasn’t for them. But the fact is…” They ran their hand through their short hair. “I’m slowing down. I can hardly keep up with the rest of you most of the time. I’m pretty sure I have arthritis in my knees. And… I have a feeling breathing is going to be harder for the rest of my life. The doctors had to take a piece of my lung. That’ll never grow back. My place isn’t on the front lines anymore.”

“But you lead us,” Isaac said, his voice small. “You make the decisions. You know the most about strategy. You know the syndicates inside and out. Gray, you… your decisions have kept us safe for as long as I’ve known you, and before.”

Gray bit their lip and walked in silence for a while. After several minutes they said, “I’ve questioned so many decisions I’ve made.”

“We all do.” Isaac swallowed the lump rising in his throat. His chest felt tight, and his eyes burned. “Gray, p-please…”

Gray stopped and looked at Isaac square on. “Isaac… I’m sorry. It’s not just that I’m a liability to the team if I can’t keep up physically. I put myself in danger. I put _you_ at risk. My body couldn’t keep doing this forever, Isaac.”

A shuddering sob rolled over Isaac’s shoulders. The tears spilled over. “Gray, no… _fuck_ … G-Gray, please, I…” Isaac tried to swallow around the tearing feeling in his throat. “Gray, please don’t… _leave_ …” He covered his mouth with his hands.

“Oh,” Gray whispered. They pulled Isaac into their arms.

Isaac unraveled in Gray’s embrace, great, heaving sobs crashing through him. He clutched at Gray, digging his fingers into their back, latching onto their shirt. Gray swayed with him slowly as Isaac wept into their shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Gray murmured. “You’re alright, Isaac.”

“But I’m gonna miss you so _much,_ ” Isaac sobbed.

“I know. I’m still gonna be around. I’ll be up north, and you can still visit between missions.”

“But it won’t be the same. You… you won’t be…”

Gray smoothed their fingers through Isaac’s hair and laughed softly. “Now Isaac, don’t say I won’t be part of the family or my feelings will be hurt.”

_“No,”_ Isaac wailed. “No you, you will be, you always will, you’ll be in the family but you won’t be, be _here_ … Gray, please, I’ve lost so many people, _please,_ I can’t lose you too…”

“You’re not losing me, Isaac,” Gray soothed. “I’m not leaving you. Okay?” Gray took Isaac’s chin in their hand. They looked earnestly into Isaac’s eyes. _“I’m not leaving you.”_

“Gray, no, please no, don’t do this.”

_“Isaac,”_ Gray murmured, pitching their voice low. “Listen to me. Breathe in.”

Isaac obeyed, unquestioning. Trusting. He took in a deep breath, his gaze fixed on Gray’s face.

“Good. Let it out.”

Isaac let the breath go, trembling as it went.

“Okay. Now listen to me. _I am not leaving you._ ”

Isaac bit his lip and nodded. “I’m s-sorry, I—”

“I know you have a lot of, ah, baggage around being abandoned, Isaac. Especially for… for people telling you that you’re less than they demanded.”

“But if I hadn’t… If I had killed Gavin, if I’d kept you _safe,_ you wouldn’t’ve been shot. You’d still be healthy. I c-can’t stop, stop fucking _blaming myself_ …”

“…and it feels like I’m leaving you for failing me.” Gray ducked into Isaac’s eyeline. “Right?”

Isaac sniffed and nodded.

Gray’s hands rested on Isaac’s shoulders. “Let’s get a few things straight here. First, I am not leaving you. I’m retiring from the team because of my health, and so that you all can have somewhere safe to rest when you come north. With someone who knows you, and understands. Okay?” Isaac nodded. “Okay. Second, you did not _fail me._ If anything, I’ve failed _you._ I failed to protect Sam, and I failed to prevent Gavin from taking you. The plan I helped make and was responsible for executing nearly got _all_ of us killed. We only escaped because of you and Vera. And all this time, I…” They smoothed Isaac’s hair again. “I had no idea you were still hurting this much.”

Isaac stared at the ground. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”

Gray sighed. “Yes, I know. It was my responsibility to teach you that you can lean on people. I should have seen how deep your wounds go, and helped you with them.”

“That’s not your job,” Isaac mumbled.

Gray laughed. “No, but it is my calling. I used to be a counselor, remember?”

Isaac smiled slightly. “Yeah. I remember. But the rest… that wasn’t your responsibility. _I_ made the decision to go to Gavin. And I’m the one who left Sam vulnerable. You’re the one who brought us to Tori, who had that connection that started this entire operation. You’re the one who’s been finding the rescues we’ve saved this year. And more than that. You’ve gotten us through the past seven years, when Ellis first found you. You’ve done… _so much,_ Gray. No one could ever replace you.”

Gray’s mouth twisted into a wry smile. “That’s interesting. Because I was hoping you’d be the one to replace me.”

Isaac’s mouth dropped open.

Gray’s smile grew wider. “What? What makes you less qualified than anyone else?”

“Um… because I’m a fucking mess, Gray!” Isaac scrubbed his face on his t-shirt.

Gray snorted. “We all are. Including me.”

“No, you’re… you’re fine! But… Gavin still puts me on edge, I have flashbacks all the time, I can’t go a fucking _week_ without crying over something that happened fifteen years ago—”

“All of which you are _healing from._ And something tells me you’ll be able to take care of Gavin, too.”

“I can’t control Gavin. I have no _fucking clue_ how we’re going to handle him once we go south.”

Gray tilted their head. “He trusts you now.”

Isaac scoffed. “He _trusts me?_ ”

“Yes.”

Isaac backed down a little.

Gray smiled ruefully. “You threw yourself in front of a loaded gun for him yesterday. You saved his life. Before this, he respected you. Now… now, he’ll follow you.”

“No way.” Isaac shook his head. “No way. There’s no way I ask him to fight with us against his _mother_.”

“I think you’d be surprised what he would be willing to do for someone who cares about whether he lives or dies. Makes him feel safe. Protects him. You do all of that for him, Isaac.”

“That doesn’t mean he’d fight his family for me. Family issues run deep. There’s probably an entire iceberg of issues there that we don’t know about.”

Gray nodded. “All of which, I think, will just push him closer to your side.”

“It’s not something I’m willing to bet the family on,” Isaac said darkly.

“That’s fair.” Gray tilted their head. “Unfortunately for us, we’re stuck with him. Fortunately, he’s proven very cooperative.”

Isaac couldn’t bring himself to make a snide remark about that. _I think he really does want to be a part of this family._

Isaac raised his gaze to Gray’s. “Why not Vera?”

Gray laughed. “I talked to her about it. She didn’t want it.”

“Neither do I!” Isaac cried.

Gray pressed their lips together. “I don’t suppose I could ask you to share it?”

“Yes.” Isaac nodded. “Yes. Please. I don’t… I don’t want this. I don’t want the… the responsibility…”

“You take responsibility for them every day,” Gray said, laughing gently, shaking their head.

“This is… is different.”

“Hm.” Gray squeezed Isaac’s shoulder. “Even so, I think you both could lead very well together. You already work so well as a team. Always have.”

“Always will,” Isaac said with a smile.

Gray nodded. Smiled. “I’m glad to know they’ll be taken care of. This family is everything to me. I can’t think of a better two people to take care of them.”

Isaac blushed and looked at the ground. The praise made him feel shivery and warm inside, in a way almost nothing else did. “I’ll keep them safe.”

Gray clicked their tongue. “No one can promise that. But I know you’ll do your best, and your best has always, always been enough, Isaac.”

Isaac’s eyes welled with tears again. Gray turned to keep walking. Isaac walked silently beside them for a long time, before they turned back to walk to the house.


	44. Chapter 44

Isaac rubbed the back of his neck as he walked through the living room, back to his room. His mind was still reeling from his talk with Gray. He’d known it was coming; the doctor told Gray months ago that they would have to retire from the life they’d been living. Isaac had known it was coming. He’d _known._ He just hadn’t _accepted._

Gray was… family. They were the closest thing to a true, loving parent Isaac had since his father died. They were the core of the team, the first one to fight the syndicates. They’d picked up the others, one by one, over the years. The family _was_ Gray. And now they were leaving.

Isaac’s chest ached with the ancient wound. _They’re leaving me._ He pressed his hand to where it hurt. _They’re leaving me because I failed._ He blew out a slow breath and shook his head. _They’re not leaving me. They’re keeping themselves safe. And they’ll always be there for me. They just won’t be on the road._ He gritted his teeth and walked down the dark hall.

“Isaac…”

He paused as he passed Gavin’s room. Isaac hadn’t seen Gavin all day, now that he thought about it. He peered through Gavin’s doorway to see him sitting on the bed, his spine bent, his hands squeezed together in front of him so hard his knuckles were white.

“Whoa…” Isaac stood in the doorway, his eyebrows pulled together, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Um…” Gavin’s eyes were wide as he looked up at Isaac. “I…”

Isaac took a slow step into the room, letting his hands fall open to the side. “Jesus, Gavin. Are you okay?” Isaac bit his lip as he searched Gavin’s face. “Nightmares again?”

“What? Oh. N-no.” Gavin shook his head, glancing at the floor.

“Okay…” Isaac leaned back against the wall. “Then what?” He pitched his voice lower. “Look, after yesterday I would understand—”

“It’s not that,” Gavin said quickly. “It’s, um, it’s not that.”

Isaac tilted his head. “What is it? Gavin, I…” Isaac wet his lips. “I don’t know how to help you if you won’t talk to me.”

“Okay.” Gavin nodded. Swallowed. He stood slowly from the bed, wrapping his arms around himself. Looking so fucking _small._ Isaac was dizzy for a moment with the thought that Gavin _tortured him,_ a long time ago. Now he was… he was _different_. Frightened. Probably lonely. _I never knew how much he’d suffered because of his family, too._ Isaac figured this would be a terrible time to bring that up.

“Gavin…” Isaac took a small step forward and hesitated. Took a step back. “This is really weird, but you can… um… you can talk to me? I know it’s not…” Isaac shrugged, frustrated. He didn’t know what he was saying. “I don’t know…”

“I ha-have something to tell you,” Gavin said quietly, shaking like a leaf.

For a moment, Isaac’s mind was shot through with terror. _“I’ve been watching you for my mother all this time.” “I’ve betrayed you.” “I’ve sold you out.” “I’m not who you thought I was turning into.”_ His own hands shook, before his eyes focused again and he saw Gavin standing in front of him. Looking up at him with something in his eyes that Isaac had seen flashes of before, but never like this. Gavin was staring at Isaac with something that looked like…

Isaac wasn’t sure what it looked like. All he knew was that it made his throat go hot and tight. “Okay,” Isaac said quietly.

“Um…” Gavin took another step closer. He was halfway across the room now. “I…”

Isaac leaned forward. Gavin’s voice was too low to hear. “Gavin, you’re, um… you’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered miserably. Another step closer. “Um…”

Isaac pressed himself back against the wall, his chest fluttering with something uncomfortable and raw. But Gavin wasn’t a torturer any longer. No, he was standing in front of Isaac with an almost painful vulnerability. Gavin slowly raised his gaze to Isaac’s face, anguish twisting his features.

“Gavin… please… just talk to me…”

“I…” Gavin glanced at Isaac’s mouth. He closed the distance between them and pressed a kiss to Isaac’s lips.

Isaac’s mind went completely blank. Gavin’s lips were warm, and a fire burned through Isaac, starting where Gavin’s mouth was on him and sweeping everywhere else. He made a low moan in the back of his throat. His knees suddenly weren’t up to the task of holding him upright. He hadn’t been touched like this, hadn’t been _kissed,_ in over a year. Ever since Gavin had put the marks on Isaac’s body, Isaac had been too terrified to be with anyone else. He’d been too busy unraveling, or healing, or protecting, or running missions to even have time to _think_ about this. He hadn’t wanted to open himself up to another person’s hands, another person’s lips, when he was so damaged. _Who could want me, when I’m like this?_

Gavin’s breath shivered on Isaac’s lips as Gavin opened his mouth to Isaac’s, placing his hands gently on either side of Isaac’s face. Pressing Isaac back against the wall. Isaac was lost; lost in the touch, lost in the warmth of another person against him, _wanting_ him. Lost in another person with their hands on him. He hadn’t realized how much he missed being touched, being _wanted,_ until this moment.

This wasn’t just any person, though.

This was _Gavin._

Isaac stomach dropped, and a wave of _NO NO NO_ hit him like a thunderclap. He didn’t think about it. He acted on instinct.

He pulled his fist back and smashed it against Gavin’s jaw with a _crack_.

Gavin’s head snapped to the side and he crumpled to the floor. He stumbled to his feet, nearly falling over again, staggering away from Isaac. He put his hand to his cheek, red from the blow. He put his other hand out in front of him. As if to ward Isaac off. Or pull him closer. Gavin’s eyes filled with tears.

Isaac stood half-slumped against the wall, breathing hard, his hand pressed to his lips. Trembling. Feeling the ghost of Gavin’s mouth still on him. Isaac steadied himself on the wall. He felt hollow. Shocked, like everything he knew had been knocked out of him. Shattered.

“Did you…” Isaac rasped. “Did you… the whole time…?”

“No,” Gavin sobbed, his eyes desperate. Apologetic. Agonized. “No. I had no idea. I’m sorry, I’m so _sorry_ …”

“How… _what?_ ”

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered. “I swear I didn’t know.”

“When…?”

“Um…” Gavin’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. “In the past two… um… months…”

Isaac’s eyes went wide. “You… felt about _me_ …?”

Gavin whimpered. “When I… h-had you… I knew you were, um, good, I knew you were strong and I wanted to b-be a part of that…”

Isaac could hear his pulse in his ears. Could feel his heart beating in his chest. “You… you _tortured me_ and you felt—”

_“No,”_ Gavin whispered. He cleared his throat. “No. I f-felt… _something_ , I just didn’t—”

Isaac’s head spun. “And now you feel…?”

“I…” Gavin’s hands dropped and he wrapped his arms around his chest. “I… I’m so _sorry_ …”

_“What do you feel?”_ The words left Isaac’s throat in a sort of strangled gasp.

“I…” Gavin buried his face in his hands. “I… f-feel… for you. I… I didn’t want to, I didn’t think I would… I swear to god, I didn’t come find you because I wanted to—” Gavin tore his hands through his hair and stared at Isaac. “I just… I couldn’t help it. The last two months, being with you… seeing how you, um, how you are with your family… And… seeing how you… um…” The tears in Gavin’s eyes spilled over and he swiped them off his cheeks. “Seeing how you… s-saved me, when I thought you were going to, um, let me die…”

Isaac gasped in a breath.

“Isaac…” Gavin took another step back. “I didn’t want you to, to take me on the road without… knowing. I wanted to be, um… honest. But I understand if you don’t want me to be on the road with you, I understand. I understand if you want to leave me here. Or… um…” He shivered. “…or kill me. Okay? I, um, I get it. I f-fucked up, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I tortured Sam, I’m sorry I tortured you, I’m sorry I tortured all of you. Not just because it ruined, um, this. I’m sorry, I’m _so fucking sorry,_ I know I can never fix it but I just wanted you to know…”

Isaac couldn’t breathe. There was a question burrowing up through his chest, into his throat, clenching his jaw. _How could he…? How could he…?_

“How could you want me, after what you’ve done?”

Gavin visibly recoiled, the pain in his eyes tightening even more.

“Isaac,” Gavin breathed. “How could I… I _not?_ ”

Isaac could barely think past the roaring in his ears. “What do you mean?”

“Isaac, you…” Gavin’s voice choked off with a whimper. “You’re so good. You’re so strong, Isaac, you’re _so_ fucking strong. I… I know you said I broke you, and I get it now. I understand why you say that. But… I watched you survive something that should have killed you. I watched you… kill and fight and _bleed_ for your family. Over these past few months… I’ve watched you care for them. I’ve watched you… um…” Gavin’s gaze dropped to the floor. “I’ve watched you _heal._ ”

“From what _you did._ ” Isaac gripped the doorframe, terrified he would fall if he let go.

“I know.” Gavin looked like he was being torn apart. Burned alive. “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m not asking if you want me, too. I just… I couldn’t keep this hidden. I wanted you to know what you were bringing with you.” Gavin ducked his head. “If you still want to bring me.”

“You have valuable intel,” Isaac said robotically. His tongue felt stuck to the roof of his mouth.

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Gavin’s voice sounded like it was pleading.

“I…” Isaac felt the darkness welling up inside him, the emptiness, the bone-deep desire to be held, touched. Kissed. Fucked. He was starving for it. Thirsting like a man in the desert. The quiet need he always held in his body had been dragged to the surface, and he was burning with it.

But with _Gavin?_ _Gavin,_ who had tortured everyone he loved? _Gavin,_ who had _hurt him_ so deeply he felt the scar would never heal?

“I…” Isaac tried again. “Gavin, you don’t… I w-want… but…”

“I know,” Gavin said softly.

“You _hurt me,_ ” Isaac whispered.

Gavin swallowed hard. “I know I did.”

“I… c-can’t…”

Gavin’s eyes slowly went wide, fixed on Isaac’s face. “I’m not asking you to.”

_I can’t…_ Isaac shuddered. He couldn’t follow that path in his mind.

_I can’t take him with us now. Not now that I know this._

_How would I explain that to the others?_

_How do I tell them Gavin Stormbeck is…?_

Isaac’s mouth went dry. “Do you love me?” he croaked.

Gavin went still, his hands tightening into fists. Bracing for something. He wet his lips. “Yes.”

All the air rushed out of Isaac’s lungs. _“Fuck.”_

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered.

“W-we…” Isaac tried to swallow. “We need to be able to trust you. _I_ need to be able to trust you. And now…”

“I know,” Gavin whimpered.

Isaac leaned against the wall, his heart beating in his chest, his lungs burning. His hands shook. “We need you.”

Gavin’s eyes went wide. “I’ll help you. I’ll give you all the information I have.”

Isaac’s lips trembled. “Would you help us fight your mother?”

“She wants me dead,” Gavin said through his teeth. “You don’t. I don’t think.”

“But she’s your _mother_.”

Gavin took a deep breath. Held it. Let it out. Tears shone in his eyes again. Slowly, he said, “She never loved me. I know that now. I want a real family. I want _this._ I want _y—_ ” Gavin’s mouth snapped closed.

Isaac could barely get the words out. “And what if you… what if you can never have me?”

A deep sadness settled in Gavin’s face. “I’m not asking to have you. All I’m asking for is…” Gavin looked around the room, then shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m asking for. I guess I just wanted you to know the truth. And I wanted you to know before you committed to taking me south.”

Isaac nodded slowly, his head spinning. “Okay,” he murmured. “Okay.” He lurched towards the door, his hand still clutching the doorframe.

“Isaac.”

Isaac froze in the doorway. He slowly raised his eyes to look at Gavin.

Gavin bit his lip. “P-please don’t…”

“Please don’t what?”

Gavin drew in a deep breath. “If y-you’re still taking me on the road, please don’t tell Vera.”

Isaac didn’t have it in him to laugh. “We’re taking you on the road,” he said quietly. “We can’t afford not to.” He turned and fled the room.


	45. Chapter 45

Isaac stumbled back to his bedroom and slammed the door shut. He staggered on shaking legs to his bed and sank into it, his hand pressed against his lips. _Gavin_ in love with _him?_ What did that even mean?

How was that _possible?_

Isaac thought back, the memories of his torture stabbing into his brain like shards of glass. Trying to find times when Gavin had shown his hand. Trying to remember Gavin betraying his feelings for Isaac.

Isaac’s eyes went wide as he felt for the threads, the hints.

_“Oh my god. I got Isaac Moore.” A grin. “It is so great to meet you.”_

_“Isaac, I am not doing mouth to mouth on you. Breathe, or you’re going to die here on this table.”_

_“I’m better at this and, let’s be honest, you look so much better like this than you would doing what I’m doing.”_

_“Much as a love a self-sacrificing idiot all tied up…”_

And then…

_“Fuck you.”_

_“Should you be so lucky…”_ Gavin had leaned in. Isaac had been on his knees, without his shirt, dripping wet, fighting Gavin like he knew Gavin wanted. His cheeks burned, the flush prickling down his neck.

_Oh my god. How could I not have known?_

_How could_ Gavin _not have known? How could he not have known his own feelings?_

Isaac buried his face in his hands. _Gavin’s a fucking idiot._

Isaac trembled and wrapped his arms around himself. _What am I supposed to do with him now? I can’t take him on the road. I can’t have him around me, knowing he’s… in_ love _with me._ He stared blankly at the wall. _It’s a huge liability._

Isaac pushed out a slow breath. _Was_ it a liability? Was having Gavin Stormbeck, syndicate son, traitor to his family, broken and twisted from what Isaac and Vera did to him… Was having him in love with Isaac such a bad thing? Gray said Gavin would follow Isaac. That he _trusted_ him. Was having Gavin tied to his side by more than just fear of being killed really such a bad thing? If Isaac could depend on Gavin’s devotion, would that be such a bad thing?

Isaac shuddered. _No._ Using Gavin’s feelings for him was… was _wrong,_ strange as that was. Gavin was healing, just as much as Isaac. Maybe more. Using Gavin’s feelings for him would be just like what his mother had done: dangling him out into danger, putting him at risk, and depending on his loyalty to go through with it. It would just be _one more person_ Gavin cared about using him for their own gain. As much as Gavin had hurt the team, Isaac couldn’t do that to him. Not when he was trying. Not when he was, against all odds, becoming _good._

_Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say._

He couldn’t tell the team, either. Gavin’s fear of Vera was funny, and a little pathetic, but he had a point. Vera might actually kill him for this. Ellis would be second in line for that honor. And he couldn’t tell Sam… How would they feel? How would they feel knowing the man that had broken them both, very nearly _killed_ them both, and more than once, now had feelings for Isaac? Was now in _love_ with Isaac? They’d be horrified.

Could he even tell Gray? Of all people, they understood Gavin the best, Isaac thought. Of all people, Gray would see the heart of the matter, and know what to do. _How am I going to get by without their advice once we leave?_

Isaac felt the weight of this knowledge crushing him. With him and Vera sharing the responsibility for the team now, these kinds of decisions would fall to him. Maybe Vera _deserved_ to know. Maybe Vera should have this information so she could make decisions knowing as much as possible.

_But she might actually kill him._ Isaac couldn’t take that risk. He couldn’t risk losing the biggest asset they had in this fight.

How was he supposed to move forward from here? How was he supposed to _face_ Gavin again, knowing what he knew now?

How was he supposed to face Gavin again, knowing Gavin kissed him, and for a moment, Isaac _kissed him back?_

Isaac groaned and folded forward until he was nearly bent in half, sitting on the bed. Isaac had _kissed him back._

It was nothing. It had to be nothing. Isaac had gone so long without being touched like that, kissed. He was physically close with the family sometimes, holding Sam, being held by Vera, hugging Tori and Gray… He’d had that sort of close physical contact. It wasn’t like he’d been completely alone. Sometimes at night he ached for something more, someone to hold him and need him, kiss him, fuck him, but that was… that was fine. That was normal. That was life on the road, and he was used to it. What did it matter that he sometimes felt he would combust with jealousy at what Vera had with Tori, or Finn had with Ellis? It wasn’t that he _wanted_ that from his family, he just wanted what they had… together. He’d lived his whole life like that. This wasn’t new.

But the feeling he’d gotten from the kiss? _That_ was new. The fire, the heat, the moment where Isaac _wanted_ so badly it physically hurt… _That_ was new. And Isaac had no idea what to do with that. He _wanted._ He just didn’t want that from Gavin.

How could he? Gavin had tortured him, brought him low, put him on his knees, cut into him, laid open his back with the whip. Gavin had choked Isaac until he thought he would die, over and over. Gavin had beaten Isaac until he could barely stand. Gavin had tortured Isaac’s family in front of him, one by one. Gavin had nearly killed Sam. He’d held a gun to their head and demanded Isaac hurt them. He’d beaten Tori, for the crime of daring to be their friend. He’d nearly – so very nearly – taken Vera again, taken her back to the man who tortured her and raped her and _broke_ her so hard she’d forgotten the man who’d tried to save her. He nearly took her back to that man, to be tortured and raped again, over and over and _over_ , right alongside her girlfriend. He’d done all those things. That would never go away. There was no way to undo that.

And yet… Gavin was _trying._ As bizarre as it felt to think it, Isaac truly believed Gavin felt _remorse_ for what he’d done. Gavin knew, now, that it was wrong. Gavin knew there was something twisted about himself that made him crave the pain of other people. And Gavin had been broken of that.

_If I’d had his parents, would I have turned out the same way?_

Isaac shuddered. There was no use going down that path. He knew how broken he had become, just with the parents he’d had. Just with run-of-the-mill misery and loss. _Abuse._ His mind still stuttered over that word, like it didn’t belong to him. _Others have been through so much worse. What right do I have to call what I’ve been through abuse?_

If Isaac Moore had been raised with Joseph and Colleen Stormbeck… he could have turned out exactly the same as Gavin, and he knew it. How could he not feel for Gavin, at least on some level? How could he not at least _appreciate_ the effort Gavin was making to make amends, and repent? How could he not at least _admit_ Gavin might deserve some sort of redemption?

But if Gavin could be redeemed… what justice was there? If people like Gavin could be forgiven of their crimes, what was the point of being good at all? Was everyone capable of redemption? Was Joseph Stormbeck?

_No._

Isaac wasn’t sure where the line was in his mind, or why, but he _knew_ Joseph Stormbeck didn’t deserve redemption.

He also understood, deep down in his soul where he could barely reach the knowledge, that Gavin Stormbeck _did._

Where did that leave him, then?

Again Isaac was flooded, nearly _leveled_ , with the feeling of Gavin’s lips on his. Of Gavin pushing him against the wall, touching him, their bodies flush with each other. Gavin, having to tilt his head up just slightly to kiss Isaac.

_“Do you love me?”_

_“Yes.”_

Isaac’s eyes filled with tears. _Why is it I want someone to love me, so badly that I can feel it like poison in my veins, and the person who chooses me is_ him _?_

He _hated_ his body for betraying him in that moment. He _hated_ himself for allowing himself to imagine, for a moment, how it would feel to have Gavin’s warmth against him. How it would feel to have Gavin in his bed, to have Gavin’s hands run over the scars he made. To have Gavin see him, every inch of him, every bit of damage done, every mark that showed the world that Isaac was _broken,_ had been _used,_ _tortured,_ and _love him anyway._ Gavin had broken him, destroyed him. And Gavin _loved him anyway._ Gavin had seen Isaac at the lowest he’d ever been, begging, torn open, drowned, bleeding. And Gavin still wanted him.

_Shut up shut up shut UP!_

What if Gavin wanted Isaac’s torture again? What if all Gavin wanted from Isaac was his brokenness? What if Gavin planned to break him again, offer Isaac up to his mother so they could hurt him _together?_ What if all Gavin wanted from Isaac was his blood, his pain?

No. Isaac knew that, at least. Isaac knew Gavin didn’t want that anymore. Gavin said he loved Isaac for his _strength._ For his goodness, his devotion. And Isaac wasn’t sure why, but he _believed him._

Where did that leave them? Isaac would never… _return_ Gavin’s feelings. _Couldn’t._ He’d done too much. Even after months in this house with him, Isaac still jumped when Gavin came around a corner too fast. Still had nightmares about the five days he’d spent in Gavin’s basement. Still shook sometimes, still felt like the room didn’t have enough air and he couldn’t breathe. He still ached, some days. His back, his hand, his shoulder. Phantom pains, memories of the torture. Very real aches when storms rolled in, or when he slept wrong. Sometimes he felt like the pain would never end. How could he fuck someone who did that to him? How could he _love_ someone like that?

_But what if I…?_

_STOP._

Isaac groaned and flopped back on his bed. _How fucking desperate am I? That I’m fantasizing about the one person in the world who’s hurt me the most, just because he kissed me?_

He wasn’t fantasizing about that person.

Well, _now_ he was.

Gavin pushing him harder against the wall, slamming him back, opening his mouth against Isaac’s. Gavin, pulling Isaac to the bed. Gavin, falling to the bed with Isaac on top of him, smiling, holding Isaac close. Gavin, letting Isaac be in control for once. Allowing himself to be held down, allowing Isaac to rip his clothes off of him. Gavin, touching Isaac’s scars, kissing each one. Gavin under Isaac’s hands, the helpless one for a change. Gavin, gasping as Isaac was rough with him, shoving Gavin down on the bed, fucking him hard, holding him with a bruising grip, letting all the fear and pain of the past year move through him and out, working its way out of his body as he rocked his hips as hard as he could into Gavin’s. Gavin, mouth open against Isaac’s skin, panting. Isaac being the one to make Gavin scream.

_GOD DAMMIT, STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT._

_Jesus Christ. What the fuck is_ wrong _with me?_

It was one kiss. It was one kiss, for the first time in so long Isaac couldn’t remember the last time. It was one kiss, with the man Isaac thought he hated most in this world. _I’m vulnerable because I’m lonely. I’m vulnerable because I’m hurting, and scared, and confused. He made me vulnerable._

_He didn’t make me anything. I returned the kiss because…_

Isaac curled up on his side, hate and disgust for himself rankling in his stomach. He wasn’t strong. Not if his loneliness and fear was rearing its head so strongly. _How can I lead them south with Vera if I’m this weak? If I’m this_ stupid _?_

_How am I supposed to face Gavin now? How am I supposed to go forward, now that I know what I know?_

_How am I supposed to be around Gavin, now that he knows I returned the kiss, too?_


	46. Chapter 46

Isaac scrubbed his face with his hands as he looked down at the map of the eastern sector of New Trisland. He felt like he was going cross-eyed from the hours he’d spent poring over the hundreds of miles of road between them and Colleen’s headquarters. The seat of the Stormbeck power. They all knew there was no other target for them. While Colleen lived, she posed a threat to the family.

“I think if we take 87 south, we could bypass the checkpoints in Brookdale and make it to her house in… two days? If we hurry?” Vera’s brow furrowed as she followed the highway with her finger. “It would take us through Porter, but—”

“Daniel’s people say the Wilsons have moved people into Porter,” Gray said quietly, pinching the bridge of their nose. “There’s no way we could get through there undetected.”

“Maybe we forget about being undetected,” Vera said, a hint of irritation in her voice. “Who gives a shit if we take down a few syndicate members? We’ve never been shy about doing that.”

Gray drew in a deep breath. “The only advantage we have, the _only_ advantage, is the element of surprise. We have to assume she knows we’ve reached the north, if she tracked us all the way to the turnpike. Where else would we be headed?”

“Kind of weird she hasn’t sent her _army_ up to grab us,” Isaac interjected. “It’s not like she doesn’t have the people.”

Vera bit her nail as her eyes moved over the map. “She might as well assume we have Gavin, too, if we’re assuming she thinks we’ve made it north.” Vera shrugged. “She might be unwilling to get us if she thinks we’ll kill Stormbeck Junior. She wouldn’t want us to kill him.”

“She would.”

Vera, Gray, and Isaac jumped and looked to the doorway of the kitchen, where Gavin leaned against the wall. He met Isaac’s gaze for a split second before looking down again, blushing. Isaac’s cheeks blazed.

“She, um.” Gavin took a step closer to the map. “She wants you to kill me. She has this whole time. That’s why I left.”

“Gavin…” Vera’s voice was heavy with skepticism. “I don’t—”

“She wants you to kill me,” Gavin said with finality.

Vera bit her lip. “Gavin…”

“I want you to think about who I am for a second,” Gavin said, meeting Vera’s eyes. “Remember who I… who I _was._ What I did. Some of that I got from my father.”

Vera winced.

Gavin drew in a slow breath. “I got some of that from my mother, too. My mother wants me dead for getting my father killed. My father always wanted what she wanted. They understood each other. But me…” Gavin laughed bitterly. “I put a toe out of line. I wasn’t her _son anymore._ ” Gavin’s mouth twisted as his eyes filled with tears. Isaac’s heart clenched. “I didn’t want torture anymore. I didn’t want that life. And with my mother there is _no life_ but the life she lives. Okay?”

Vera nodded.

“Tell us more, Gavin,” Gray said softly. Isaac met their eyes. Probing for information about Colleen, yes. But Gray also cared. Gray wanted Gavin to heal, too.

Gavin walked to the kitchen island that was completely covered by the map. He wrapped his arms around his chest. “Um…” He sniffed. “My mom thinks… She thinks we own the world because we… I don’t know, we _deserve_ it or something. All the syndicates, but especially ours. It’s like…” He shrugged. “It’s like… she thinks it’s our divine right. Like we were _born_ to rule, or something. I was part of a, um…” He flushed and ducked his head. “A _bloodline,_ fit to rule. My mom said a lot of crazy shit like that growing up. And then… I turned my back on it. I decided I _didn’t_ want that. And that was, um… unacceptable. I’m either with her, or the enemy. Now I guess that means I’m the enemy.” Gavin ducked his head, looking like he was finished.

“But you found a new side,” Vera said softly. She gasped and snapped her mouth closed.

Gavin looked down shyly. “Um. Y-yeah. I did.” He raised his eyes to Isaac, his mouth curving up momentarily into a smile.

Isaac’s stomach dropped and he cleared his throat. “Gavin… how willing would to be to help us with our plans?”

Gavin’s gaze moved slowly over the map. “I don’t know the most recent movements. But I—”

“We’ll tell you,” Gray interrupted.

Gavin nodded, biting his lip, not taking his eyes off the map. He leaned in and put his finger on a small town a half-day south of Crayton. “Here. Bartram Springs. It’s a city w-we—” He swallowed and raised his eyes apologetically to Gray. “Is it okay if I, um… if I talk about Stormbeck holdings like they’re… like they’re not mine? I don’t…” Again, his eyes flicked to Isaac, and back to Gray. He wet his lips. “I don’t want to talk like my family is still the, um… the Stormbecks.”

“Who else would your family be?” Vera asked, a hard edge to her voice, but her gaze was soft as she looked across the table at Gavin.

Gavin blanched and fell a step back from the group. _“Oh, fuck,”_ he breathed.

Vera’s face darkened and she leaned over the island, the fear Isaac could see in her tense shoulders and fists falling behind a wall of rage. Isaac glanced quickly between them, as Vera’s lip curled into a predatory snarl, and Gavin fell back another step, shaking, eyes wide, looking for all the world like _prey._

“Whoa, Vera… _hang on_ a sec,” Isaac said quietly, holding his hands out to her like he would stop her, taking a step back to give himself space to lunge between them if need be. “Vera, wait—”

“ _What_ is he so afraid that he just gave away?” she hissed.

“Vera, _please_ ,” Gavin whimpered.

“I know for a fact that it’s not whatever you’re thinking of,” Isaac said, his voice taking on a harder edge. “Vera, I need you to just listen for _five seconds_ before you decide to kill him, okay?”

Vera’s jaw clenched, but she tore her gaze away from Gavin to look at Isaac. “Explain to me why he looks like that.”

“I knew you’d kill me,” Gavin whispered.

“Gavin, shut _up,_ ” Isaac ground out between his teeth.

“Isaac, what’s going on?” Gray said gently. They reached a hand out to Vera and paused a few inches from her skin, like it was going to burn them.

“Um…” Isaac looked at Gavin where he stood cowering in the middle of the kitchen, eyes fixed on Vera like he was expecting her to leap across the island and kill him right there. “He…” Isaac swallowed hard. _Might as well just get it out and worry about the shitstorm later._ “Gavin wants to be part of _our_ family.”

Vera froze, her eyes darting between Gavin and Isaac. _“What?”_ she breathed.

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whimpered.

“For fuck’s sake, Gavin, shut _up,_ ” Isaac snapped.

“No, let him talk,” Vera said, glaring at Gavin. “I wanna know why he reacted to spilling that like he’d just accidently mentioned he was planning on selling us out when we get south.”

_“No,”_ Gavin gasped. “I wouldn’t—” He trembled and stumbled another step back. His eyes darted between Isaac and Vera. “I’m s-sorry, Vera, I…” He flushed red and collapsed into himself, staring miserably at the floor. “I didn’t want to tell you b-because… I…” He swallowed hard. “I’m _sorry._ ”

“Gavin,” Gray said gently. “When Isaac says you want to be part of our family, what does that mean?”

“Um…” Gavin lifted his gaze to Gray, looking like a man clinging to a life raft in the middle of the ocean. “I, um…” He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “I, uh, didn’t really know until… uh… yesterday… when the men…” Gavin shuddered and opened his eyes. “But spending all this time with you, you’ve all been so k-kind, and good, and, um…” He raised his gaze to Gray. “I want in. I want that. I want the, uh… the _love_ you have. I’ve never seen that before. I didn’t know people could… um… love each other like that. How you protect each other…” Tears stood in Gavin’s eyes. “I want to feel that, too. There’s something in me that’s missing, and…” He looked to Vera. “I w-want something like what you have with Tori, or…” He gestured to Isaac and Vera both. “…what you have with each other, or, Isaac, what you have with Sam…” He turned to Gray, tears running down his cheeks. “I want what you’ve given me. I want to be, um, safe. I want to be protected. And I want to protect you. I’ll tell you everything I know about the syndicates. I’ll do everything I can to get you through. To fight them.”

Vera stared at Gavin with an open mouth.

Gavin’s gaze returned to Vera. “I’m learning. Please, I don’t know… how to do this, exactly, but I want to be in your family. Please. Just… tell me how to do it. Please don’t kill me. I… I’m _sorry._ ” He bit his lip, his throat bobbing as tears rolled down his cheeks.

Isaac’s hands shook slightly. “Vera… I know it sounds fucking weird but—”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Vera murmured, her eyes fixed on Gavin.

“Um…” Gavin looked helplessly at the others. “I th-thought you’d kill me for it. I wasn’t trying to, to _keep_ it from you, I swear…”

“Gavin,” Vera said softly. “I’m not… why would I _kill you_ for this?”

“Um…” Gavin’s voice trailed off in the barest hint of a whimper.

Vera blushed and leaned back from the island. “Okay. No, that’s fair actually. Um.” She smoothed her hands through her hair, looking at Gray and Isaac in turn. “What do you… What do you think about this?”

“Um…” Isaac swallowed. “I think it’s, um, fine.” For a moment, Isaac felt the ghost of Gavin’s lips on his. His cheeks burned and he stared at the map in front of him.

“Gray?”

Isaac glanced up at them. They were staring at Gavin with a slight smile on their face, their eyes blazing with something like… triumph. Their smile soft with something like… _fondness._ “I think it’s great,” Gray said quietly.

Gavin bit his lip and stared tremulously at Vera. Her jaw worked as her gaze moved over the map, unfocused. Finally, she raised her eyes to look at Gavin. Her body no longer trembled with tension. Her shoulders relaxed and she held Gavin’s gaze with a look of overwhelming _sadness_ that made Isaac’s bones ache.

They stared at each other for a moment, the tension in the kitchen falling, being replaced by something much calmer. Something like understanding.

“Gavin,” Vera said, her tone even, “This is more than a family. We put ourselves in situations we might not walk away from, where he _have_ to depend on the other person to keep us safe or pull us out. If you want in with us, _really_ in, you have to know that that’s what it’ll be like. That’s what we give each other. If want that from us, we _have_ to you know we can have that from you, too.”

“I swear,” Gavin whispered. “I… You’ve already risked so much for me. And after I—” Gavin sucked in a breath. “You risked yourselves coming north with me. And Isaac, you—” Gavin and Isaac both blushed at the same time, their eyes flicking to the floor in tandem. Isaac glanced at Gray, who was watching them both intently. “Isaac, you had a fucking _gun_ pointed at you yesterday, for me. When you could have l-let me die.” Gavin swallowed hard. “I don’t want to die. But I want to… to be in this family. I’d rather risk my life with you than have my own mother risk it. I’m sorry I kept this from you, Vera.”

Vera’s expression softened further. “I understand why you did.”

Gavin shook his head and stared at the floor. “I know the others won’t like it. I know that Tori—”

“Tori will come around,” Vera said gently.

Gavin’s head snapped up. “What?”

Vera smiled. “Tori will come around. Trust me.”

“But—”

“She’s been dealing with fucked-up people for a long time. She knows nobody is innocent. She’s housed people before who’ve done terrible things to escape the syndicates.”

“What I did was different,” Gavin murmured.

“You’re right. It was.” Vera shrugged. “It was torture. It was evil. But—”

Gavin flinched. Vera looked up at him, pinned him down with her gaze. “But I know you’ve changed. I can see it. So, if you’re serious… then yeah. We can do that.”

Gavin’s eyes went wide. “What… really?”

Vera glanced at Gray, as if for confirmation. Gray’s gaze pierced Isaac, then Vera. “It’s your decision,” they said quietly. “It’s your team now.”

Isaac swallowed hard and met Vera’s eyes. Isaac could read the look on her face, could read her better than anyone else in the world, except maybe Tori. _If he means it… if he really means that he wants to be in our family, to risk his life right alongside us…_

_I trust him._

Vera’s mouth hardened into a line, and he knew he was mirroring her expression. They held each other’s gaze for another moment. They both nodded together.

“Okay,” Vera said softly. “You’re in the family.”

Gavin let out a gusty breath and crumpled forward, his eyes swimming with tears. “Thank you,” he huffed.

“We’ll tell the others tomorrow. And we’ll leave the day after that.” Vera straightened and turned her gaze back to the map. “Until then, we have to plan our trip south. You know your mo—” Vera pressed her lips together. “You know Colleen Stormbeck is our next target, right?”

Gavin nodded gravely. “Yeah,” he whispered.

Vera sought out Gavin’s gaze and held it. “We won’t kill her if we don’t have to. We just want to cripple her operations. But you have to understand if she poses a threat to the family, she dies. Do you understand that?”

Gavin’s jaw worked and he tore his eyes away from Vera’s gaze. “I understand,” he said softly.

Vera drew in a deep breath. “Are you okay with that?”

Gavin bit his lip, his eyes falling closed. “I know she’s my mom,” he said, pronouncing each word carefully. “I know she’s my f-family. But…” His eyes opened and fixed on Gray this time. “I’m remembering things. Things she used to say, things she used to do… I know she never loved me, okay? She only ever loved me when I was being like… my father. Like _her._ She didn’t even know I never raped my playthings.”

Vera flinched. Gavin looked at her, an apology heavy in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “But… They never knew I wasn’t like them. If they did…” Gavin shuddered. “If we’d managed to get you and Tori back to the house, and I refused to rape you…” He nodded slowly. “I think my father would have killed me then.”

Vera’s mouth opened, then closed again. She closed her eyes and blew out a slow breath through her nose. When she spoke, her voice shook. “I know he would have,” she rasped.

“Okay.” Gavin took a step closer to the map. “I want to help you. I’ll tell you everything I know. Like I said, I don’t know the most current movements. All my information is at least nine months old. But—”

“Anything you tell us will be helpful,” Gray said, and placed a hand gently on Gavin’s shoulder.

Isaac watched as Gavin relaxed into the touch, his eyes closing in a slow blink before he focused on the map again, studiously keeping his eyes away from Isaac.

_I wonder if he’s ever been touched like that before he came to us. I wonder if he only ever touched people when he was hurting them._

Isaac’s stomach bucked as he watched Gavin’s eyes move over the map.

_I wonder if we could teach him every way there is to be loved._

His thoughts were interrupted as Gavin drew his finger down a county road that cut through the far west of Stormbeck territory. “Once we get to Bartram Springs, we can take this road down. This line,” Gavin said, his voice deeper, stronger, “Is right on the border of the Stormbeck and Anderson territories. We—” He cleared his throat. “The Stormbecks patrol this area sometimes, and so do the Andersons, but most of the time they stay away from each other. There isn’t much in the area worth negotiating for. That’s your best bet to get you here.” He pointed to a city northwest of Colleen’s headquarters. “Richfield. I know it’s contested, but the Stormbecks will be too busy focusing on the dissenters to look for us.”

Isaac and Vera shared a look.

“From Richfield, we can take the 25 to Broadmoore, as long as they haven’t ID’ed the car. And from Broadmoore we can make it to Fort Meyers.” His finger lingered on the dot marking the location of the town. “Where my mom lives,” he murmured.

Isaac’s heart pounded. _We’ve never had this much information on how and where the syndicates operate. This could change everything._

“Thank you, Gavin,” Gray said softly.

Gavin nodded stiffly. “Once C-Colleen’s operations are crippled, the entire western sector will fall. They won’t be able to rebuild. Everything goes through her along this route.”

“This has been… more than helpful.” Gray looked at Isaac and Vera.

Isaac nodded, stunned. “Th-thank you, Gavin,” he murmured.

Gavin shyly raised his eyes to Isaac’s, and held his gaze.

_I trust him._


	47. Chapter 47

The family gathered around the island, looking down at the map, now marked with their path south. Finn and Ellis stood together, their arms around each other’s waists. Tori leaned gently against Vera, the sides of their hips touching. Sam stood beside Isaac, dwarfed by both his height and Gray’s, on their other side. Edrissa stood slightly behind Gray, her eyes constantly moving between the others, and Gavin. The pen Gavin had used to mark the route was still held tight in his fist as he carefully looked at the others, some of them looking interested, some of them looking excited.

Some of them looking skeptical.

“You’re sure this is the way to go?” Ellis said, doubt darkening their tone.

“Everything Gavin said checks out with what we’ve learned from Daniel Shit-ster,” Vera said, her gaze moving over the map before she met Ellis’s eyes. “This is a good route. It’s a good plan.”

Ellis’s jaw worked, and their eyes flicked to Gavin. “You’re absolutely sure this is the safest way?”

Gavin bit his lip. “I’m not _sure,_ ” he said weakly. “I haven’t been involved in Stormbeck operations since—” He glanced at Isaac, guilt curdling in his stomach. _I’ll always mark my life like that. Life before Isaac, and life after._ He cleared his throat. “Um. After my head injury I never stepped back into my role in the eastern sector. I w-went…” He flushed red. “I went after you, and that obviously that didn’t work out. So all the information I have is from before I met you. From what I have, what I remember, this is the best way.”

Ellis’s mouth twisted. “Okay. What if it’s not? We’re planning for contingencies, right?”

“Of course we are,” Vera said, sounding just a little annoyed. “It’ll be tricky, though. Just because we have a syndicate son doesn’t mean we have a free pass like we did with the bounty hunters. By now, Colleen will be after Gavin, too.”

“We’ve talked to the contacts along the way,” Isaac said. “They’re making preparations. Getting cars ready in case ours gets ID’ed. Setting aside rations and bedding. We have no idea what we’re going to deal with, here. We need all the help we can get.”

“And everyone you’ve talked to is okay with that?” Tori said softly. “It’s quite the risk, taking seven people.”

“Seven?” Finn’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

“I decided to come,” Tori said, ducking her head. Vera pressed a kiss into her hair.

“When did that happen?” Ellis murmured.

“Um. Recently. Today.” Tori swallowed hard. “I know I planned on opening a safehouse up here. But I want to be a part of this mission. Colleen Stormbeck is responsible for so much suffering down south. I want to solve the problem, then come back and open the safehouse.”

Ellis glanced at Gavin. “Um… Gavin…”

“I’m on board with the plan, too.” Gavin wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes.

“There have been a lot of developments in the past two days,” Gray said gently. “Since our timetable has been pushed up so quickly, we haven’t had time to get everyone on the same page. We’re leaving tomorrow. This is more than a conversation about your route south. This is a conversation about the makeup of the team.”

“Okay…” Ellis said carefully. “What does that mean?”

“For starters, I will not be coming with you,” Gray said, their voice breaking.

Gavin looked down at the floor.

“We knew that already,” Finn said softly.

“I know. But…” When Gavin looked up, Gray had tears in their eyes. “It’s been hard for me to accept. You’re leaving tomorrow. This is the first time that has felt… _real_ to me.”

Tori drew close to Gray and wrapped her arm around their waist, tears shining on her cheeks. Gavin felt the guilt of Gray’s wound crushing his chest like he’d been shot again.

“With me staying here, Isaac and Vera will be leading the team together.”

Sam grinned at Isaac, and he looked down at them with a tentative smile.

Ellis looked from Isaac to Vera. “Um… yeah. We kinda assumed.”

Gray huffed out a laugh and wiped their face on their sleeve. “Well. Then I guess most of this meeting is redundant.”

“S-so…” Finn swallowed hard and glanced at Gavin. “So the plan is still to go after Colleen? And to… um…” They looked miserably at Isaac. “…neutralize her?”

“Yeah,” Gavin murmured. “The plan is to go south and kill my mom.”

“I just…” Finn licked their lips. “I just want to… _clarify_ … that you’re okay with us killing your family…”

“She’s not my family anymore,” Gavin said through clenched teeth, his eyes shining with tears.

“Oh,” Sam said softly.

“Um, yeah, she is,” Ellis said, staring Gavin down. “She’s—”

“She’s not my family anymore,” Gavin said, his head snapping up, his eyes meeting Ellis’s. “She’s not. She wants me dead. She _never fucking loved me,_ okay? She… she _used me._ She taught me to be like her, she and my dad. They used me to continue torturing our dissenters. She was going to use me to capture you. She—” He forced down a sob. “I could have been someone different, I could have… started a different way… I could have had a different life. I know I’m responsible for what I did. I know that was my choice and I can never undo it. But she and my father _used me._ She’s _not_ my family anymore. And if she has to die for people to stop being tortured and killed by my family, that’s…” His voice broke, his hands squeezed into a fist. The pen pressed into his palm. “That’s something I can do. Something I can live with.”

The distrusting look in Ellis’s eyes faded as they stared at Gavin. They swallowed and looked to the others. “Um…” They shot a look at Gavin, and Gavin’s head spun at the _apology_ he could see there. _Even Ellis. Even Ellis can accept me, at least a little bit._

“Um…” Isaac cleared his throat and looked at Ellis and Finn. “We’re Gavin’s family now.”

Sam gasped. Edrissa’s eyes went wide.

“Oh, for fuck’s—” Ellis huffed out an incredulous breath and stepped back from the table, running their hands through their hair. “Are you… _fucking_ …”

Gavin could barely look at Finn, but he forced himself to. Finn tore their eyes from Ellis and met his gaze, their lips pressed together. They nodded slightly. Gavin’s throat bobbed as he forced down his tears.

“Ellis,” Isaac said gently, “He’s been more than helpful. We probably wouldn’t even make it to Fort Meyers without him. He’s the one person who could make this happen. And he’s… Ellis, come on, you have to see he’s—”

“He’s _what?_ ” Ellis snapped. “ _Changed?_ Are you fucking _nuts?_ Letting him stay with us is one thing, letting him eat our food and put us at risk of being murdered by these fucking northerners is one thing, but… The _family?_ Are you _insane?_ ”

“No,” Isaac said, his voice dropping and suddenly ringing with an authority that went right to Gavin’s knees. “But I am in charge of this decision. You don’t have to love him like family. I’m not going to tell you that you have to _trust_ him like family. But he has the protection of the family now. He’s as much ours as anyone else in this kitchen.”

“Vera—” Ellis looked helplessly at her. “Do you… I mean…”

Darkness settled over Vera’s face. “Ellis… do _not_ try to play Isaac and I off each other. We came to this agreement together, or it wouldn’t have happened. Gavin’s in the family, because he’s helping us and because he’s _different._ He’s healing. We’ve all done terrible shit while we’re healing.” Vera raised an eyebrow, and Ellis quailed back, biting their lip as pained _guilt_ moved across their face.

_What the hell is that all about?_

Ellis looked at Finn, who wrapped their arm around Ellis’s waist and pressed a kiss to the side of their head. Ellis squeezed their eyes shut, taking a slow breath in, blowing it out just as slowly.

“Ellis,” Isaac murmured. “I know—” He cut off with a choke. “I know it’s hard. I know it fucking _hurts._ ”

Gavin’s gaze snapped to Isaac. _Accepting me hurts him?_ He blinked back tears for a moment.

“But I know he’s different. Okay? I _know_ he is. I wouldn’t place my trust in _anyone_ who was a risk to my family, and neither would Vera. Neither would Gray.”

Ellis looked at Gray. “Gray, are you… are you on board with this?”

Gray leveled their gaze at Ellis. “Ellis—”

“I’m not _questioning_ their authority,” Ellis said in a rush. “I’m not. I’m just… please help me understand, I don’t _get it_ …”

Gavin fell back a step as Ellis’s eyes filled with tears. Finn wrapped their arms tightly around them, pressing their face into Ellis’s hair.

Before Gray could say anything, Sam stepped away from the island, carefully making their way around it until they stood in front of Gavin. Old shame burned in Gavin’s chest, the _oldest_ shame, the terrible guilt that _he’d_ been the one to break this pure soul, _he’d_ been the one that took them, that kicked off the series of events that ended in Isaac being _broken,_ Gray being _shot,_ Tori being _beaten,_ everyone being so goddamned _hurt_. Because of _him,_ because _he’d_ gotten a taste for hurting people and he’d never pulled his head out of his ass long enough to figure out that that was a bad thing. His throat closed around the knot forming there, and he forced himself to meet Sam’s eyes.

He wet his lips. “Sam… I’m so—”

“Do you want forgiveness?” Sam asked softly.

Gavin’s stomach dropped. It took him a moment to speak. “I don’t deserve it,” he murmured. “I can’t undo what I did. I regret it, every _fucking_ day. I’m going to do everything I can to keep you safe.”

Sam’s mouth twisted. “In this family… what would your name be?”

_Moore._

_Dammit._

“Um…” Gavin cleared his throat. He looked at Gray, shivering as their eyes pierced into him. His mouth went dry and he swallowed hard. “Uriah.”

Gray lurched forward, tears suddenly filling their eyes and running down their cheeks. _“Oh,”_ they whispered.

“If that’s okay,” Gavin said quickly. “I’m sorry. I don’t…” His hands trembled. _Why am I still holding this fucking pen?_ “If you don’t want me to that’s… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“It’s fine,” Gray rasped. They pressed their lips together. “Gavin Uriah.” Their gaze turned to Ellis, crying quietly in Finn’s arms. “Gavin is in the family,” they said, speaking slowly, “Because he’s healing from who he was. He’s done terrible things, yes. He knows it. We all know it.”

Gavin ducked his head, looking at Gray from under his eyelashes.

“But he’s seen what he’s done wrong. He’s turned his back on who he was, at great personal cost.”

Ellis’s forehead wrinkled. “What—”

“He lost everything, Ellis,” Gray said gently. “He lost his family, his home, his inheritance. Every person he’s ever known is someone he can never see again.”

“N-not everyone,” Gavin muttered.

Gray’s mouth closed slowly as they looked at Gavin. “Not everyone?”

“No,” he said softly. “I have all of you.”

Ellis pulled slightly out of Finn’s grasp. “ _Necessity_ isn’t—”

“Ellis,” Gray said, soothingly. “I know this isn’t easy. I know I can’t just say, ‘it’ll all work out, you’ll see!’ because our lives depend on Gavin being who he says he is now. I know that. But fact is… we’ve depended on each other for a long time. We haven’t always trusted each other. But we found a way to become a family, and survive.”

Ellis trembled. “That’s fucking hard for me.”

“We know it is,” Vera said, looking at Ellis now with compassion in her eyes. “It’s hard for me, too.”

Ellis turned their gaze to Vera, softening, for the first time, at the look on her face. “But you trust him,” Ellis said softly, a question weaving through the words.

Gavin took a step back as Isaac and Vera both turned their gazes to him, feeling completely exposed. Vulnerable.

“Yes,” they said together.

Ellis bit their lip, looking across the island from Vera and Isaac to Gavin. They squeezed Finn tighter. “Okay,” they said finally. “I can try.”

Gavin let out a breath and relaxed, just slightly.

“We’re gonna kill you if you betray us, though,” Ellis said, looking at Gavin.

Gavin rolled his eyes, unable to contain his frustration for a moment. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

“Just making su—”

“I’d rather die than betray you anyway.” Gavin froze as the words left his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say them. He hadn’t tried to _think_ them. They just came out of him, like the truth existed in the air around him and all he had to do was speak to make it a physical thing.

Everyone else had also gone still, all of them looking at him with varying degrees of surprise. He swallowed and looked at the floor.

“We don’t ask that of anyone,” Gray said softly.

Gavin looked at Isaac. _No, but it’s been offered. His life, for Sam’s. I don’t know if I could do the same, but I’d rather die than see him hurt._ Isaac shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Gavin swallowed. “I… I know.” _God, I’m such a fucking idiot._

Sam looked up at Gavin. “Um…” They watched him carefully, almost like… almost like they were watching _him_ for signs of fear. “Do you want a hug?”

A strangled noise came from Gavin’s throat, and he flushed with embarrassment. He glanced at Isaac, who was watching Sam with love and amazement and pride written all over his face. He returned his gaze to Sam. “Um… y-yeah. That would be nice.”

Sam carefully wrapped their arms around Gavin, pressing their cheek into the space between Gavin’s collarbones. Gavin’s heart pounded in his chest, anxious disbelief moving quick through his blood. There was something else under it… something he couldn’t place, something like… _comfort._ He’d barely been touched since he’d run, and now Sam was pressed against his chest, their arms squeezing around his waist, alive and warm. Gavin’s mind reeled at the idea that someone would touch him like this, make him feel so seen and held and _understood_ … and that that person would be _Sam._ _Sam,_ who he’d beaten and cut, waterboarded, fucked with their mind until they were ready to kill Isaac. Sam, _Sam_ was willing to be this kind to him.

His skin ached with the touch, and he just wanted more. He wanted more kindness, more hugs, he wanted to be held and touched, casually, like he was _family._ _With them, maybe I can have that. With this family, maybe I can have a touch that doesn’t_ mean _anything. Maybe I can have something that doesn’t carry a threat, or a manipulation. Maybe I can have something_ good.

He blinked, and realized he stood frozen, Sam still hugging him but looking up at him with concern in their dark eyes. Tears pricked Gavin’s eyes and he wrapped his arms around them, too, squeezing his eyes shut, burying his face in their curls. Two tears ran down his cheeks.

“Okay, fine,” Ellis murmured behind him.

Gavin lifted his head and let Sam go, turning slightly to look at Ellis. They stared at him with distrust twisting their mouth, but something softer in their eyes. His heart lifted, just slightly.

Ellis rolled their eyes up to the ceiling. “Fucking _fine._ Okay. Whatever. He’s part of the family.”

He couldn’t help it, he couldn’t fucking _help_ it, but his gaze flicked to Isaac. A smile drifted across Isaac’s face as he met Gavin’s eyes for a moment, and then looked away. Out of the corner of his eye, Gavin saw Gray smile, too.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this one *maniacal laughter*

Isaac shifted on his cot, his shoulder aching against the stiff canvas under him. _I wonder if that’s gonna hurt forever?_ He rolled onto his back, slowly moving his arm in a wide circle, staring at the ceiling that was almost invisible in the dark.

One day. One day, and they were more than halfway there. They weren’t even driving through the night. _I guess that’s what happens when we know we can travel on highways going eighty miles an hour, instead of twenty down bumpy back roads._

They were making such good time that they could afford to stay with some of Tori’s contacts, the Silas’s, an older couple who worked for the Andersons as a hired maid and cook. The whole time they’d been working for the Andersons they’d been smuggling people out of the area, up north, out west, anywhere that was safer. Now they were retired, with generous pensions.

_Working for the syndicates has to have its perks, I guess._

_I’m sure that’s what Vera’s friend Ryan thought._

He could hear Sam’s slow, even breathing in the cot next to them. _They can sleep anywhere, at any time, I swear to god._

He could barely hear Gavin’s breathing in the cot to his other side. Which probably meant Gavin was still awake. Staring at the ceiling, just like he was.

There was no way he was going to check if he was right.

The Coopers had been expecting six people, not seven. They had three rooms in the house that could be made into guest rooms with very little notice, and taken down with very little trace. The plan had been to put Finn and Ellis in one room, Isaac and Sam in another, and Vera and Gavin in the third. Isaac had resisted that suggestion up north, but Vera insisted. _“I trust him as much as you do,”_ she’d said in a hushed tone. _“If I’m worried about him attacking me in my sleep, we shouldn’t be bringing him south.”_ Isaac hadn’t argued.

_Vera has a very different relationship with Gavin, though._

Not that Isaac had a relationship with Gavin at all. Gavin had been his enemy, and now he wasn’t. There was trust there, but trust that Gavin had _earned_ over several months of proving himself, offering help, providing information. He’d killed the bounty hunters when it would’ve been ridiculously easy to take them all back to his mother. Hell, he could have taken them back to his own hideout to torture them all for himself. But he _didn’t._ He killed the bounty hunter, and saved them. Even though he knew he’d suffer, for seeing the blood. Even though it would sign his death warrant if he ever set foot in syndicate territory again. Now, he was coming south to risk his life like the rest of them.

_I have so much reason to hate him. To distrust him. But I have so much reason to believe him now._

Isaac sighed, covering his face with his hands. _How the fuck did we get here? How did we get to the point where Gavin Stormbeck—_

He stopped himself. _He’s Gavin Uriah now._ He smiled in the dark.

“Are you awake?” came Gavin’s whisper.

Isaac froze. Of _course_ Gavin was awake, of _course_ he wanted to talk now. He cleared his throat softly. “Um. No.”

The room was silent for a moment. Then there was a rustling sound as Gavin rolled over. “Okay,” Gavin whispered.

Isaac rolled his eyes, biting his tongue against the question he could feel forming on his lips. _I don’t have to talk to him. I don’t have to say anything at all._ He wasn’t sure why he did it, but he suddenly thought of Gavin pushing him against the wall, kissing him softly, cradling his face in his hands with a gentleness that made Isaac’s chest ache to remember it. _It doesn’t mean anything that I want to be touched like that again. It’s been a while, that’s all._

He drew in a deep breath, rolling his shoulder again in the socket. “What is it?” he whispered.

Another rustle, as Gavin turned over again. “Um…” A pause. “It sounds like you’re hurting.”

Isaac blew out a frustrated breath. “Yeah.”

“Um…” Another rustle. “What’s wrong?”

 _Why are we talking about this?_ “It’s my, um… my shoulder.”

Another pause. “What happened to your shoulder? Was it…? I don’t think…?”

Isaac knew the words that followed that. _I don’t think I hurt your shoulder when I was torturing you._

Isaac bit his lip. “No,” he whispered. “When we, um… getting out of your warehouse, a door blew up and hit me. Dislocated my shoulder, tore it up.”

Isaac flushed at Gavin’s short intake of breath. “Oh,” Gavin whispered. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t know.”

“It’s whatever. You didn’t do it.” _The rest of the scars on my body are from you, but not this one._

“Um…” A long pause. “Did I… Did I shoot you?”

Isaac turned his head towards the sound of Gavin’s voice. “What?”

“Um… Did I shoot you? I think I… um…” A shaky breath. “I think I remember shooting you. When I almost k-killed Sam.” A pause. “The second time.”

“Uh, yeah.” Isaac’s fingers went to the scar on his forearm, to the graze where Gavin had shot him as Isaac forced the gun away from Sam’s head. “Yeah. The bullet hit me.”

“Yeah.” A long, slow exhale. “That’s what I thought.”

Isaac rolled to his side so he was facing Gavin, although he couldn’t see him in the dark. “What do you mean you _think_ you remember?”

There was a pause so long Isaac thought Gavin had fallen asleep. Then, “I… it’s hard for me to remember things right from that day. That week, actually. Before and after. You, um… you broke my face in three places. I had a, um… I’m sorry. You don’t need to hear about this. It’s—”

“I want to know,” Isaac whispered gently. He wasn’t sure why, but it was the truth.

“Okay. Um…” A rustle. “You gave me such a bad concussion I was in a coma for a few days. Tube down the throat, everything. It took me weeks of PT before I could, um… walk again. And a few months until my memory started to work normally. I still have, um, attention problems sometimes. And I still can’t remember a lot of things.”

Isaac’s heart pounded in his chest. “Does that mean… you… don’t remember torturing me?”

“No, I… I remember almost everything. Leo helped me with that, came by and helped me remember. It’s not that I don’t remember, it’s that some things were a little out of order.”

“You had… Leo come back and… remind you how you tortured me?” Isaac’s mouth was dry.

“Um… yeah. I was… kinda pissed at you. And I didn’t like there being parts of my life I couldn’t remember right.” Gavin pulled in a slow breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all that. I didn’t mean…”

“No, it’s okay,” Isaac murmured. He gently massaged the aching muscle in his shoulder. “I, um. I didn’t know all that.” _I didn’t know I damaged him, too._

“Yeah, well, I only came out of that with a few scars. I didn’t exactly get the short end of the stick.” Gavin’s voice sounded strange, twisted with bitterness and… _guilt._ Isaac pressed his lips together, pushing against the knot in his shoulder that had never really gone away after the injury. The room was completely silent, save for Sam’s slow breathing. Isaac’s eyes drifted closed.

“We’re gonna reach Fort Meyers tomorrow,” Gavin whispered.

Isaac groaned quietly. “Yeah.”

“Um… I just want… in case… something happens, in case I don’t get to tell you—”

“Nope,” Isaac rasped. “Don’t do that. This is gonna work.”

“You probably know better than I do that that’s not a guarantee,” Gavin whispered back. “And I just… _please,_ I just want you to know…”

Isaac rolled onto his back, his hands moving through his hair. _Fuck it. I already know what he’s gonna say._ “Fine. What?”

“Um…” Gavin’s breaths were coming faster now. “I just… wanted to tell you. That I… um… You already know I love you.”

Isaac swallowed hard. “Um. Yeah.”

“Well, I…” Gavin sighed. “Okay, just know that I’m not trying to make anything happen, alright? I’m just telling you this in case I fucking die tomorrow.”

Isaac laughed tightly, shaking his head. _Fuck, dude, we might all die tomorrow._ “Okay.”

“Well, I…” A deep, shaky breath. “I know that you could never want me, with what I’ve done. Even if I hadn’t hurt Sam. I know you could never want me, because you’re good. But… If there was ever a chance for me to grow up, um, normal, to have never been allowed to hurt people, if I’d never turned into a monster… I would’ve wanted a life with you. And… I’m gonna spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to keep you safe from the syndicates. Even if everything ends tomorrow.”

Isaac lay frozen, stunned. He could hear his pulse in his head, feel his heart beating against his chest. His brain buzzed with disbelief, with _shock._ Knowing Gavin loved him was one thing. Knowing Gavin loved him like _that_ … was another thing entirely. He didn’t think he’d ever been loved like that before. And to be loved like that by _Gavin_ …

“Sorry,” Gavin whispered, and rolled over again in the dark.

“No, no, I…” Isaac’s voice broke. “Sorry. Um…”

“That was a lot,” Gavin breathed.

“Yeah. But, um… I… I don’t…”

“I told you I wasn’t trying to start anything,” Gavin whispered. “I’m not trying to make anything happen. Okay? I know it won’t. I’m not trying to convince you.”

“I didn’t think you were,” Isaac murmured, his voice almost silent.

“Good,” Gavin huffed. “After everything I’ve done to you, I have no fucking right.”

 _You didn’t have to convince me to step in front of a bullet for you._ “Um, Gavin?”

“Hmm?”

“Uh…” Isaac cleared his throat. “Um… thank you.”

“For what?” Isaac could hear the tremor in Gavin’s voice.

“For… for helping us. I know it’s been hard. I know you didn’t, um… have to.”

“This life is so much better than what I had before, Isaac,” Gavin whispered. “I have a family now. I’ve never had one before. Not really.”

“But—”

“I can’t express to you how much my parents just _didn’t fucking care about me,_ Isaac. Here… yeah, Ellis hates me, and Vera gives me nightmares, but… this is a _family._ You care about each other. Sam cares about me. Gray cares. Finn cares.”

“I care,” Isaac whispered, the words fading into silence. He clenched his jaw shut. _Why did I say that?_

“Wh-what?” Gavin breathed.

“Um.” Isaac had to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth. “I care.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

There was a long moment when neither moved. Then Gavin rolled over in the dark, and didn’t say anything else.

_The last time I had a conversation like this in the dark, Sam heard the whole thing._

Sam slumbered peacefully next to Isaac, breathing deep and slow.


	49. Hostage Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I present: the chapter where it all goes to shit.

It was dusk as Isaac drove the team into Fort Meyers. They were packed into one car now, instead of two. It was too dangerous to drive separately. Now, things could change in milliseconds, and they all needed to be together to react to it.

Tori, Vera, and Sam sat huddled together in the very back row of the SUV, peering out the tinted windows at the buildings as they passed. Finn, Ellis, and Gavin sat in the middle row, Finn leaning just enough away from Gavin that they weren’t touching. Isaac was the only person in the front row.

Gavin’s face was the most recognizable one among them. If Colleen still wanted Gavin dead, she could have the city _crawling_ with people looking for him. Vera, too. Colleen knew what Vera looked like, if only from the picture Gavin had sent his father. Isaac didn’t know if Colleen had ever actually set eyes on Vera before. Now didn’t feel like a good time to ask.

Still, something was awake in the back of Isaac’s mind. Something stirring, whispering, _you’re not safe. You’re not hidden._

_Something’s wrong._

His hands were locked on the wheel, his fingers aching from the strain. He’d never been this deep into enemy territory before. Even when Gavin had taken Isaac to his warehouse, it had just been one building. Just one building, and Isaac had been going to protect Sam. Protect his family. Now, he was taking his family with him into an entire _city_ made up of no one but people who wanted them all dead. _I can’t protect them from every person in this city._

He glanced in the rearview again, saw headlights behind him. A different car than the one he’d seen in the mirror a few minutes ago. Isaac forced himself to relax.

“What do you see, Isaac?” Finn murmured, leaning forward until their head was between the front seats.

“Nothing.” Isaac clenched his teeth together. “Just being paranoid.”

“There’s no such thing as paranoid in this fucking place,” Ellis said bitterly, their eyes moving over the streets and other cars. “It’s fucking _eerie._ Everyone looks so… _normal._ ”

“They are normal, for the most part,” Vera said from the back seat. “Most of these people do normal shit.”

“Yeah, like torturing and killing people,” Ellis shot over their shoulder at Vera. Vera huffed out a sigh and looked out her window again.

Tori smoothed her fingers gently through Sam’s hair, a nervous, repetitive motion that made Isaac anxious whenever he saw the movement of her hand in the rear view. Sam bit their lip as they looked out the window, not even seeming to register the touch.

Isaac glanced at the rear view again. There were still headlights behind him. Same make and model.

Isaac forced down the panic that lurched in his stomach for a moment, pushing out a slow breath. _It could be a different car, or this car could just be going the same direction we are. It doesn’t mean anything. Jesus Christ, calm down._

Isaac couldn’t fight the sinking feeling in his stomach. He was bringing his family into danger. He didn’t care about going himself, it was what he _did_. It was his _purpose_. But Sam? They’d been so carefully protected on the last mission and they’d _still_ come away with some scrapes. Tori had never even been on a mission before. And Gavin…

Somehow, for some reason, the guilt in his chest burned hottest for Gavin. The others knew, on some level or another, that this was their life. This was the cost of being on the team: the risk of their lives, at any moment, on any day. They’d all made peace with that, in one way or another. Even Sam still wanted to play a role in missions, even after their first had gone so terribly wrong.

Gavin hadn’t signed up for this at all. He’d found the team more out of necessity than anything else. It was death by their hands by his mother’s manipulation, or the chance to have a life… and possibly death by their hands anyway. 

Maybe Gavin had known, somehow. Maybe Gavin had known the team wouldn’t kill him. 

It didn’t do Isaac any good to ruminate on it. Gavin was here now, and there was no going back. There was no way to abort the mission once they’d started. It was now make it through, or don’t make it at all. 

They’d have the night to spend in a garage owned by one of Tori’s contacts. They were a little ahead of schedule, if Isaac had to be honest. He’d been expecting to move everyone under the cover of complete darkness. 

It wouldn’t be a problem. Everything was going to plan.

The same car was still behind them. 

Isaac swallowed the panic that tightened around his throat. 

“Isaac…” Vera murmured, turned around in her seat.

“I know.” He adjusted his hands on the wheel, his fingers aching as they loosened. “I see it.”

“It’s not necessarily a tail,” Vera said tightly. “It might just be--”

“I know what it might be,” Isaac growled. 

“Take a turn, see if he follows.” Vera chewed her lip as Isaac glanced at her in the rear view. 

At the next intersection, Isaac calmly turned the car right. The car behind them kept going straight. Isaac felt dizzy as he let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. 

“Does that mean it’s not a tail?” Sam asked, their voice quavering.

“It means it’s _probably_ not a tail,” Isaac said through clenched teeth.

“Or that there’s more than one,” Vera murmured. Isaac met her eyes in the mirror, and read the dull terror there. 

“We’re fine,” Isaac said, his voice low. “It’s fine. We’re almost there.”

“How much longer?” Gavin asked, speaking for the first time since they’d entered Fort Meyers. 

Isaac blew out a slow breath. “To the garage, it’s probably about twenty minutes according to the map. Maybe less.”

“Good,” Gavin whispered, pressing his face into his hands.

_He has no protection here._ Isaac’s mouth twisted as he glanced at Gavin. _He’s as vulnerable as the rest of us, and will die with the rest of us if we get caught._

_Nobody’s going to die._ He had to believe that. Believe that, or lose his mind. Believe that, or turn back. He couldn’t lose his family this way. 

Isaac glanced at the side mirrors at the car that turned onto the road behind them.

It was the same make and model of the car Isaac had first noticed. 

“More than one tail,” Isaac said through his teeth. Vera threw a glance behind them, her intake of breath audible from the front seat. 

“What does that mean?” Sam asked, looking from Vera to Isaac and back.

“It means we’re fucked,” Vera muttered. 

“It means we have more than one tail to lose, that’s all,” Isaac said, glaring at her in the mirror. _I can’t let Sam lose hope. I can’t let Sam think we’re all going to die, that we’re going to fail._

_We might die. We might fail._

Isaac rolled his shoulders. “It’s okay. We’re in a nondescript car. It’s a busy city. We’ll find a way to disappear.”

“And if we don’t?” Ellis this time, their hand wrapped tight around Finn’s arm.

Isaac’s eyes slid closed for a moment. “Then we do what we talked about. We run, reconvene, try another day.”

“They’ve definitely ID’ed us by now,” Vera said softly.

“Maybe they have.” Isaac could feel the dread simmering in his chest, rising, closing his throat. “Then we ditch it and run. It might not even be the same car.”

“It’s the same car.” Isaac could barely hear Vera as she muttered, completely turned around in her seat. “They drive the same.”

Isaac’s heart pounded, and his head buzzed with adrenaline. His hands would have been shaking if he wasn’t clutching the wheel so hard. He had to suppress the urge to put his foot on the gas and drive as fast as he could out of there. _A nondescript car is way harder to find than a nondescript car going eighty down the street._ He forced himself to go the speed limit.

The light ahead of them turned yellow. Isaac’s heart leapt in his chest, and he guided the car into another right turn, going in the direction they’d come from. Better that, than being taken in the middle of an intersection at a red light. They’d find their way. Isaac knew that sometimes all you need to shake a tail was patience. 

His patience was rapidly being replaced by terror, pushed into his blood with every beat of his heart. The muscles in his arms felt ready to snap. 

The second type of car was behind them again. 

He made a left turn, barely looking to see if it was clear before he went. The car behind them had to stop to let another car go by. Isaac sped down the block and turned again, out of the other car’s sight.

“If they didn’t know we were trying to shake them, they do now,” Vera muttered.

“I _know,_ ” Isaac huffed. “I _know,_ okay? But if there are two I’m guessing there are three. I’m just--”

“It wasn’t a criticism, Isaac,” Vera said gently. “It’s just the way it is. These are good tails.”

Another car approached them from the rear, speeding. Isaac’s foot inched towards the gas pedal. _“Shit,”_ he whispered. 

“That’s _definitely_ a tail,” Vera said. “Blacked out windows, no plates… Isaac—”

“I know. Everybody hang on.” He slammed on the gas and tore around the corner, speeding down an almost empty street, dodging cars.

“Find the nearest gathering place on the map,” Isaac ordered. “Mall. Theater. Anything. I don’t care. Somewhere we can disappear into a group of people”

“Uh…” Finn’s hands trembled as they opened the map over the middle seat, resting on their legs. “Um… where are we? Sorry…”

“Vine and Stover,” Isaac gasped. “Northbound.”

“Okay, okay, okay… Vine and Stover… um…” Finn’s tongue passed over their lower lip as they peered over the map. “Um… let me… Oh, here’s Vine… and… Stover, here! Okay…” Their head shot up. “Shopping mall. Take a left.”

Isaac slammed the car into a left turn, the tires screeching against the road. He hit the accelerator and sped down the street. 

“Now a right. And follow for three blocks.”

“What if I don’t _have_ three blocks?” Isaac ground out between his teeth, staring fixedly at the rear view. The two cars from earlier were behind him now, accelerating with him. A third car had joined. 

Driving in formation. No longer separated.

“They’re _herding_ us,” Isaac whispered.

“What?” Gavin breathed, his voice trembling. “What do you mean—”

“I mean they’re trying to drive us towards something,” Isaac snapped over his shoulder. “I mean somewhere along the way we started doing what they wanted. That’s why they’re together now. We’re moving the direction they want us to.”

_“Fuck,”_ Finn whispered, their eyes back on the map.

“Finn,” Isaac said urgently, “If there’s a shopping mall nearby there has to be a parking structure, right? Do they show those on the map?”

“Yeah, they do. Okay. Take a right, right _here_ —” Finn gasped as Isaac cranked the wheel hard. “And straight ahead… You see it?”

“I see it,” Isaac murmured, staring down a concrete building with a sign on the side that said _paid parking - permit required._ He slammed his foot on the accelerator, keeping the car aimed right for the entrance. The entrance was blocked by a barrier, to be lifted upon presentation of a permit. 

Isaac didn’t take his foot off the gas pedal.

Just before Isaac slammed through the barrier, he looked in the rear view at his family. _Maybe for the last time._ He bit down hard on his tongue at the thought.

“Remember the plan. As soon as I stop, we scatter. No one stays together. Meet at Sturgeon’s Point within twenty-four hours. If no one shows, make your way north. Everyone remember?” Everyone nodded, their eyes all wide with terror. He glanced ahead of him and saw a dark corner of the garage, with two exits leading out. He took one last look in the rear view. _I’ll see them again. I_ have _to see them again._

“I love you all,” he said through numb lips.

He returned his gaze to the front and slammed on the brakes, skidding into the corner of the garage. He threw the car into park. He didn’t bother turning it off.

In an instant, the doors all opened and Isaac’s family dashed for the exits of the parking structure. 

Just as Isaac was about to pass through one of the doors, he glanced back and saw one of the cars from earlier come careening into the parking structure. He acted on instinct, not even taking a moment to consider.

_This is how I keep my family safe._

He turned away from the exit and sprinted towards the car, his eyes on the exit just beyond it. The car screeched to a halt and two men jumped out. Isaac disappeared through the door without a backwards glance. 

He nearly tumbled down the flight of stairs he hadn’t noticed just outside the door. He clutched at the rail as he dashed down the stairs three at a time, skipping the last five and landing hard. He glanced behind him and saw one of the men dashing down the stairs behind Isaac, bringing up his gun to shoot. Isaac turned and ran, expecting the punch of a bullet in his back. The man didn’t take a shot. Isaac kept running. 

He ran down the street the way they’d come, shoving people out of his way, wiping sweat out of his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. _What if I never see Sam again? Or Vera? What if I never see Tori again? Finn? Ellis?_ He swallowed hard, gasping. _Gavin?_ The pounding of his feet sent shocks right to his brain. _I took them to the biggest syndicate hotbed in this sector and they might die because of me._

Isaac glanced to his right and tore down an alleyway, empty, his footfalls echoing loud in his ears. He shot out the other side onto a busier sidewalk. He glanced one way, then the other, and took a left. He didn’t know where he was going. He just knew he had to get away – had to lead the men away from his family. 

He felt all the blood run out of his face as he spotted one of the men from the car, the man’s face lit by the streetlights. The man jumped slightly and reached for his gun, falling into a run in Isaac’s direction. Isaac skidded to a stop and turned to run the other direction. As he did, someone he didn’t recognize suddenly straightened, and reached for his hip. Isaac went to run into the street, looking up just in time to see a wall of cars moving towards him. A chill clutched his chest. He spun and ran back down the alley. 

Halfway through the alley, a shadow appeared at the other end. Isaac’s feet stuttered for a moment, and then he threw himself forward at the man. He could hear the two others behind him. 

The man clearly hadn’t expected Isaac to run straight at him. He reached for the gun on his hip and brought it up just as Isaac closed the distance between them. Isaac jumped and drilled both feet right into the man’s gut.

The gun in the man’s hand went off, deafening Isaac for a moment as the bullet went wide. Isaac heard the whistle of a ricochet down the alley, and a scream of protest from the men behind him. Not a scream of pain. The bullet had missed them, too. 

Isaac grabbed the man’s hand and twisted hard. He felt bone crack. The man screamed and let go of the gun. Isaac spun, the gun coming around to aim at the men running full-speed at him. His finger moved over the trigger. 

Behind him, the other man kicked the back of Isaac’s leg, and he fell to one knee. He took aim at one of the men, fired. Isaac heard the deafening _BANG_ , the dull _thud_ as the bullet tore through the man’s chest. He went down, abandoning his weapon, clutching at the wound. Isaac carefully took aim at the other man. Squeezed the trigger. 

As Isaac took the shot, the man behind him kicked him hard in the back, throwing Isaac hard onto his stomach. Isaac’s second shot went wide. The man reached him and twisted the gun from Isaac’s hand. 

_“No,”_ Isaac grunted, scrambling up on all fours. One of the men placed his boot on Isaac’s back and kicked him back onto his stomach. 

Isaac writhed under the weight, everything in his mind burning away into one instinct: _fight._ He reached behind him, aiming for an eye, a throat, anything that would incapacitate his attacker. His fingers scraped across the man’s chest, the polyester stiff and unyielding under Isaac’s hand.

_They’re wearing body armor._

Isaac screamed in frustration. _Probably means I didn’t kill the other one._ Isaac glanced at the man he’d shot. He was still splayed on the ground, unmoving. A vicious smile spread over Isaac’s face. 

The other man knelt at Isaac’s head. He put his knee between Isaac’s shoulder blades and _leaned._ Isaac stiffened and cried out, pain shooting down his back. _No no no._ The men grabbed his arms and wrestled them behind him. Despair clutched Isaac’s heart at the sound of a ziptie being tightened around his wrists. He yanked uselessly against it, his eyes streaming with tears. _Not again not again no no no no NO._

The other man pinned Isaac’s legs to the pavement and ziptied his ankles together. Isaac lay quivering under their weight, thrashing uselessly, forcing down the sobs that tightened in his throat. 

Something appeared in front of his face, and Isaac flinched as the men forced a cloth gag between his teeth. Isaac twisted, trying to throw them off. One man pinned Isaac’s head to the ground while the other tied the gag. A hand wrenched his head back by his hair, and a black bag was pulled over Isaac’s head. Isaac whimpered as the world disappeared into nothing but the sound of his own breathing, and the panting of the men still pinning him down.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” one of them gasped. “This one must be Isaac Moore.”

“Yeah, no _shit_ ,” the other snapped. “Jesus Christ.”

“What about Cooper?” the first one asked, his voice fading as he turned away from Isaac. 

“We’ll just take him with. He looks dead, man.”

“He _is_ fucking dead, dipshit. I mean… Nevermind. Help me get him up.”

Isaac groaned as the men grasped Isaac’s arms and wrestled him to his feet. As soon as he was upright he threw his weight against one of the men, toppling over and landing hard on the concrete. He scrambled against the ground, unable to get purchase enough to drag himself forward. The hands were on him again, rougher this time.

“We should just kill him right fucking here,” one of them sneered. Isaac’s heart threw itself against his chest.

“What, are you nuts? And piss off Queen Stormbeck? No fucking way, dude. We’re not killing him.”

“He…” A sob. “He killed _Cooper,_ man…”

“Yeah, and that’s why this was such an expensive job. Get your head out of your ass. We’ve got shit to do.”

The men dragged Isaac across the ground, too quickly for him to even try to get to his feet. He heard the sounds around him open up as they cleared the alleyway, and then the sounds of the street. The sound of a trunk opening. 

One man grabbed Isaac around the chest as the other grabbed his legs. They lifted him and threw him heavily into the trunk. He cried out as he landed hard on his bad shoulder. The lid of the trunk closed over him. 

He shuddered, despair washing over him and through him, settling into his bones. _Please, please let me be the only one they got. Please. Please._

He felt the jostle of other bodies getting into the car, heard the slams as the doors closed. Felt the lurch as the car started to move.

His jaw ached from how tight the gag was tied. He let his head drop against the floor of the trunk, tears rolling down his face and into the bag around his head. He shuddered and let himself heave a sob. _It’s no different it’s no different it’s no different it’s no different…_

But it _was_ different.

_“You don’t give a shit about how I’m holding up.”_

_“Yeah, I do! I give many shits!”_

Isaac knew now, Gavin really had cared about keeping him alive. Maybe just as a plaything, but Gavin cared, even then. 

Colleen didn’t care. All Colleen wanted from Isaac was his death.

_If the others got away, it’s worth it._

_“What is it about your life that makes you so keen to give it for another?”_

He didn’t know. It didn’t matter now. The reasons were meaningless. He was going to die. The only thing that would give that meaning now was if the others made it out. If _Sam_ made it out. 

He jolted as the car rolled over a bump. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of something else. It didn’t make a difference in how dark it was with his eyes closed. 

_I just want to think of something good before everything is taken from me._

Sam, smiling, free, healing _so much_ in the past few months. Hearing their laugh again. Seeing how they were becoming even more kind, more forgiving. Isaac hadn’t thought it possible that Sam could become sweeter, purer than they already were. For the past few months, Isaac had explored his own suffering. Sam was the one who was always there on the other end. 

Vera. She was hurting, she was so fucking hurt, but she was so _strong_. Killing Joseph had put a fire back into her that Isaac hadn’t seen since Gavin tortured her back into the cell in her own mind. Vera, his best friend in the entire world, finding happiness and love. 

Gray, who’d become the parent Isaac never had, the friend Isaac could always count on. Gray was hundreds of miles away. Isaac wondered if they would ever even find out what happened to him. Maybe it was for the best they didn’t.

Tori, Finn, Ellis… God, he’d miss them. _Prayed_ he’d never see them again, if it meant they stayed safe. They were making lives for themselves, too. They were finding their own way, too.

Isaac couldn’t bring himself to think of Gavin at all. Gavin, the syndicate son who was in just as much danger in Fort Meyers as any of the others, who’d made the sacrifice to come and try and make things right. Gavin didn’t deserve to die like this. 

_I don’t, either._

Isaac curled up against the floor of the trunk and shuddered.

Isaac was dizzy with the turns when the car finally rolled to a stop. Dread sunk like a stone in his stomach. _This is it. This is when they kill me._

He bit his tongue against the whimper that twisted in his throat. There was only one mission now: _If they torture me first, I can’t give my family away. I can’t betray them again. This is how I keep them safe._

The trunk opened, and hands reached in to drag Isaac from the car. Isaac stiffened, overcome for a moment with the instinct to fight, to _kill._ He kicked at the men he could hear hovering over him, savoring the thud as he connected. Hands nearly tore his clothes as they dragged him from the trunk of the car.

Isaac’s feet bounced over the gravel as the men half-carried him away from the car, up some steps, and through a door. Terror clutched at Isaac’s chest. _This is the sacrifice I knew I was making._

They dragged him down a long hallway, around a corner and into a room that sounded _big._ Isaac froze at the sounds of more bodies, of panting breaths, of terrified, shaking gasps. His blood froze in his veins. 

_No. Oh god please, no. Who else do they have?_

The men forced Isaac to his knees and he held perfectly still, his head cocked in the direction of the sounds, trying desperately to hear who was making them. _Who else do they have?_

“Excellent, Carrelio. Thank you. You can remove the hood now.”

Isaac shuddered at the woman’s voice that filled the room, smooth and perfectly in control. _Colleen Stormbeck. That’s Gavin’s mother._ Isaac didn’t have to wonder about that. He _knew._

“Yes, ma’am,” said one of the men behind Isaac. A rough hand grasped the bag and tore it from Isaac’s head.

Isaac blinked in the light, his eyes darting around the room, trying to find who else had been taken. Who else had been captured.

Isaac’s breath rushed out of him like he’d been stabbed. He was on his knees in a large study, a woman standing in front of him, and men posted all around the room. He didn’t even glance at them. What he saw crushed his heart with a despair so deep he couldn’t breathe.

On their knees in a line was his family: Sam, Vera, Tori, Finn, Ellis, Gavin. Every single one of them, bound like he was, gagged. All looking at him with terror on each of their faces. 

Isaac couldn’t push down the sob that tore through him.


	50. Hurt Protecting Someone Else

Isaac’s chest ached as sobs wracked through him. Tears streamed down his cheeks, wetting the gag as he stared at his family in a line next to him. _No. No no no this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening…_ They all looked back and him, trembling, terrified. Finn and Ellis huddled together as if they were freezing. Vera’s clothes were torn, blood oozing out of a wound on her shoulder. Tori shuddered, her eyes squeezed shut, panting through the gag as if she would pass out. Gavin cowered towards the floor, his head bent. Sam’s nose was bleeding, red running over their lips, soaking into the gag, dripping off their chin and onto their shit. Isaac’s stomach burned with an unbearable rage.

_I failed them. I failed them again._

Isaac turned his gaze to the woman standing in front of him, his thoughts stuttering over each other and landing somehow on, _he looks like her._ The planes of her face, softer than Gavin’s, but still so similar. Her eyes, the exact same shade of green. Her gaze swept back and forth along the line of Isaac’s family, her mouth slowly curving into a smile. Finally her eyes settled on Gavin, and her smile grew wider.

She slowly crouched in front of him, placing her hands on either side of his face and pulling it up until he was forced to look at her. He whined softly and another cascade of tears ran down his cheeks. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and pulled the gag from his mouth.

“Gavin, sweetheart,” she said softly. Vera shuddered and squeezed her eyes shut. “You’re finally home.”

“Mom,” Gavin whimpered. “Mom, _please,_ mom—”

“Shh, honey,” she crooned. “I’m happy you’re finally home. And you brought them with you. You did so well, sweetheart.”

Isaac’s heart stopped in his chest. Betrayal burned hot in every nerve, searing him from the inside out. _No no no how could he do this, how could I not have_ seen _it, I welcomed him into the family, I kissed him, I_ trusted him _…_

Gavin rocked forward with a sob, shaking his head, his mother’s hands still cupping his face. _“No,”_ he whispered. “No no no no _no_. I didn’t bring them to you.”

The agony in Gavin’s voice tore at Isaac’s chest. The fire in his blood eased, cooled, despair rising up to replace it. _He didn’t do this. He didn’t betray us. He_ couldn’t. _Now he’s going to die alongside us._

His mother sighed. “I’ll admit, it took longer than I thought it would. It’s been _months,_ Gavin. My son was gone for _months._ I thought you were _dead._ I thought these… these _people_ …” Her lip curled. “…killed you.”

“That’s what you wanted,” Gavin hissed bitterly.

Colleen gasped, one hand flying to her chest. “Honey, _no_. I never wanted anyone to kill you. I just wanted the opportunity to deal justice to the people who _murdered your father._ And now I do. Thanks to you. Did they hurt you, sweetheart?”

_“No,”_ Gavin whispered. “They didn’t do anything to me. They saved me, they…” He raised his eyes to his mother, glared at her. “They _protected me._ ”

Colleen laughed once, a light, easy sound. “I don’t believe you.” She stood in one smooth motion. “Leo,” she snapped. “Check him.”

Isaac froze, bile rising in his throat. He couldn’t turn his head, couldn’t _move._ His mind was flooded with the sight and smell and _feel_ of the man who’d held him down as Gavin tortured him, the man who’d tied him down and beat him, watched as Isaac bled and screamed and _broke._ Leo, who held the camera as Gavin filmed himself torturing Isaac. Leo, who hurt people just because he _wanted to._

_Just like Gavin._

_Gavin’s not like that anymore._

Gavin turned, his eyes going cold with terror as Leo stepped forward from behind them and walked to stand in front of Gavin. Isaac could see it in the others, too, the revulsion, the panic. Leo had held them, too. Leo had helped torture them, too.

“Leo,” Gavin gasped. “Leo, please, you—” Gavin choked off the word as Leo roughly grabbed Gavin’s face, turning it back and forth, inspecting it for evidence the team had hurt Gavin.

Isaac swallowed hard. _I did. I beat him. They’re going to find that._

Leo dragged Gavin’s shirt up over his chest, looking for marks. Scars. He walked behind Gavin and pulled his shirt up again. Paused. Smiled.

“Ma’am,” he said flatly.

Colleen walked around Gavin to look at the marks Isaac knew Leo had found: the scars from Gavin’s caning. The scars that Gray and Isaac had put on his body. Isaac took a shuddering gasp.

“Oh.” Colleen’s breath rushed out between her lips as her eyes moved over Gavin’s back. “Oh, sweetheart, what did they _do?_ ”

“It wasn’t _them,_ ” Gavin sobbed. “It wasn’t them.”

“You mean to tell me someone caned you _before_ you found our merry band?”

_Of course she knows what caning marks look like._

“N-no,” Gavin mumbled. “Mom, it… wasn’t _them,_ it was—”

Colleen took Gavin’s chin in one head and wrenched it up. “Then who _was it,_ darling?” Her smile became poisonous. “You can tell me. You don’t have to pretend to be on their side anymore.”

Gavin yanked his face out of Colleen’s grip, sobbing. “I’m not pretending, it wasn’t them, mom, _please_ …”

“Sweetheart,” Colleen purred. “Either they did it, or they stood by and watched. Either way, they are responsible. They _hurt_ my _son._ ” Her eyes moved along the line of them, resting at last on Isaac. A coldness settled in her eyes that made Isaac’s skin crawl.

She sighed. “I think it was Isaac, honey. I think he’s the one who hurt you.” Her thumbs moved over the scars on Gavin’s face. “He’s beaten you once already, marked up my boy’s handsome face…” She bent and kissed the scar on Gavin’s cheek. “It’s alright. I can punish him properly now.”

Isaac’s groan was muffled by the gag in his mouth. His eyes slid closed for a moment, and he convulsed forward in a shudder. _Please, please, please only torture me._

“Hm.” Colleen stroked Gavin’s cheek. “You had him for almost week, didn’t you?”

Gavin shook his head frantically. “Mom, no, _no,_ please don’t do this—”

“I’m sure you know all about Isaac’s most terrible pain, his worst fears. I’m sure you know the way to torture him that would _break him._ Tell me, sweetheart. I know Leo could tell me, but I want to hear it from _you._ Prove to me you’re still my son. Prove to me my son has come home at last.”

Vera lurched forward with a wail, her eyes fixed on Isaac. He stared back at her, eyes wide, his breaths coming heavy through the gag. He shook his head. _Don’t. Don’t draw attention. Let this happen to me._ He couldn’t meet Sam’s gaze. Couldn’t look at the terror there, the pain.

“Mom, _no,_ ” Gavin sobbed. “I… I _won’t_ …”

“Why is that, sweetheart?” Colleen said softly. “Why won’t you tell me how to punish the man who damaged you?”

“It’s not his _fault,_ ” Gavin gasped, his voice rising, frantic. “Mom, no, don’t _hurt him,_ mom _please_ …”

The corners of Colleen’s mouth turned down. She stepped away from Gavin. “Leo.” She tilted her head at Gavin. “My son has forgotten who his family is. Remind him, please.”

Leo stepped forward, a smile threatening on the edges of his mouth. He kicked Gavin to the floor.

Gavin landed hard on his stomach and cried out. “Leo, no, Leo, _please,_ please don’t—”

Leo drilled a kick into Gavin’s stomach. Gavin _screamed_.

Isaac lurched forward. _No no no NO. She can’t hurt him, she CAN’T HURT HIM._

“Leo, please stop, _please_ —”

Another kick, between Gavin’s shoulder blades. Gavin jerked, cringing into himself, sobbing. Colleen crouched by his side, took Gavin’s chin in her hand.

“Gavin, sweetheart,” she murmured, her voice almost soothing, “Tell me how to punish Isaac. There’s no need for you to hurt, my sweet boy.”

_“No,”_ Gavin moaned. Colleen stood and nodded at Gavin, glancing at Leo as she did.

Leo shoved Gavin onto his stomach and planted his knee against Gavin’s back. Gavin writhed, then stiffened, gasping. Isaac watched in horror as Leo grabbed Gavin’s wrists and forced them up, away from his back, wrenching his shoulders. Gavin wailed helplessly.

“Mom, no, don’t do this, _please, PLEASE!_ ”

Colleen sighed. “I’m not doing it, sweetheart. Are you ready to tell me how to punish Isaac?”

_“NO!”_ Gavin screamed, sweat shining on his face. Leo looked up at Colleen, a question in his eyes. She thrust her chin at him, and Leo climbed off Gavin and took a step back.

_He’s taking this for me. He’s being tortured for_ me _._

Isaac tried to speak through the gag, beg Colleen to leave Gavin alone. His jaw worked against the cloth, his voice caught and muffled until it all came out as a wordless groan.

Colleen smiled and raised her gaze to Isaac. “Begging for your life is going to do nothing, _Isaac Moore._ You hurt my son. My _family._ Once you’ve suffered for that, you’ll die for it.”

_I don’t fucking care about my life anymore. Just leave them all alone._

Gavin shuddered on the carpet, his eyes wide as he gasped around the pain. Colleen crouched again by his side, cradled his face, lifted it up off the floor. “Gavin, sweetheart,” she said softly. “Just tell me. Tell me how to break him. Prove to me you’re still Gavin Stormbeck.”

“I’m _not,_ ” Gavin whimpered. “I don’t want that anymore… please mom, _stop_ …”

Colleen’s fingers dug into Gavin’s chin as she wrenched his head up. “That’s nonsense, honey. What do you _mean_ you’re not?”

_Lie, lie you idiot, LIE…_

Gavin shivered, tears rolling down his cheeks as he strained to pull his face out of his mother’s grip. “I—” He bit back a sob. “I’m Gavin Uriah now.”

Colleen’s eyes blazed as she looked up at Leo. “My son needs further reminding,” she hissed. She stood smoothly and folded her hands in front of her.

Leo dragged Gavin upright by the hair and wrapped his forearm around Gavin’s neck. Gavin convulsed, mouth dropping open, eyes going wide with panic.

Isaac screamed through the gag, nearly pitching forward onto his stomach. _No no no no LEAVE HIM ALONE._

Colleen paid him no heed, her eyes fixed on her son as he writhed in Leo’s grip, shuddering, his eyes sliding shut. She nodded at Leo, and he released Gavin. Gavin crumpled to the floor, gasping, coughing. Her fingers moved gently through his hair.

“Gavin, darling,” she said soothingly. “You’re being ridiculous. Goodness, your time with them really twisted your mind.” She sighed. “I suppose that’s what I should expect with a head injury like you had. Much more susceptible to change.”

“They—” Gavin shuddered as a fit of coughing overtook him. “…not… they didn’t… they’re _good people,_ mom…”

“Oh, sweetheart. Where has my son gone? Leo, he needs more reminding.”

Leo stepped forward, drawing a knife from his pocket as he straddled Gavin’s hips. He yanked Gavin’s shirt up around his back and shoved Gavin’s face into the carpet.

“Ma’am? Concerns about blood?” Leo asked like he was taking her dinner order.

Colleen waved her hand, as if swatting away the question like a fly. “It’s just a carpet. I can get a new one.”

Leo smiled and turned his gaze back to Gavin. With one hand he pinned Gavin’s wrists against his lower back, positioning the knife with the other. He placed the tip against one of the stripes across Gavin’s back.

“Leo, _please,_ ” Gavin begged.

Leo smirked and dug the knife into Gavin’s back.

Gavin _screamed_ as Leo cut Gavin along the length of the stripe, opening up the skin, sending blood rolling down his sides. Gavin gasped for breath, twisting underneath Leo, trying to escape the pain.

Isaac raised his gaze to Colleen, where she was standing still in front of her son, the picture of poise and grace as he bled at her feet. A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. Bile clawed up Isaac’s stomach. _She’s enjoying this._

He looked back along the line of his family, despair clutching at his soul more every second. Sam was sobbing as they looked at Gavin, their nose finished bleeding, their face stained with blood. Vera looked dazed, like was lost and trying to remember where she was. Tori pressed against her side, kissing into her hair, nuzzling against her shoulder, trying to keep Vera right there in her body. Staring at the horror. _Better that, than to disappear._ Finn and Ellis were as close as they could get to one another, Ellis’s head on Finn’s shoulder, tucked under Finn’s chin. Their faces wearing an identical haunted look.

Leo finished the cut and looked up at Colleen. “Again, ma’am?”

“Yes,” she said, the word clipped. “We’ll keep doing this until he remembers who he is. I am impatient of this nonsense.”

Leo grunted and placed the tip of the knife over another stripe.

_“NO!”_ Gavin screamed, sobbing, as Leo split his skin. Blood flowed fresh from the wound as Leo followed the mark across his back.

“Continue until he breaks,” Colleen said clinically, coldly. Isaac shuddered as he looked up at her, a deep revulsion curdling in his stomach, as Gavin’s mother stood by and watched him be tortured. _Ordered_ his torture.

_She never loved him. He was telling the truth, about everything._ Something clicked into place in Isaac, something fundamentally _true_ that had been moving through his mind since Gavin had told him his mother wanted him dead. _Gavin’s mother hurt him, too._

_I have to protect him._

Isaac yanked hard against the zipties, desperately trying to push the gag out of his mouth with his tongue. _I’ll tell her. I don’t care, he DOESN’T FUCKING DESERVE THIS._

Gavin’s ragged scream echoed off the walls as Leo cut Gavin again, opening up the scars Isaac had put on his body. Opening up the scars, for _Isaac._

Leo finished the cut and Gavin panted against the carpet, his mouth pulled wide in agony. _Just tell her. Just tell her. Don’t do this for me. Please don’t do this for me._

_He’s doing this for me._

_He loves me._

The realization nearly brought Isaac to the floor, something he’d known but had never _accepted._ He’d thought Gavin had to have a crush on him, and infatuation, some kind of bizarre hero worship thing Isaac didn’t understand. What did Gavin know of love?

Gavin was lying on his mother’s floor, accepting the pain, for _Isaac._ Gavin was doing what Isaac had done for Sam. Gavin was taking the kind of torture that had broken Isaac, in the end.

_“Just tell her,”_ Isaac tried to mumble through the gag. _“Please, don’t take any more, please don’t do this for me…”_

Gavin screamed as Leo made another cut, his voice cracking. Blood ran in rivulets down Gavin’s back, soaking into the carpet in tiny puddles.

Isaac could see the change as Gavin smelled it.

Gavin suddenly went rigid, his eyes wide and faraway. A shudder rolled over Gavin’s shoulders, a low whine starting in his throat. He gagged under Leo, throwing up nothing but bile. He trembled as Leo looked up at Colleen, confusion creasing his face for a moment. Colleen crouched by Gavin’s head.

“That’s right, sweetheart,” she soothed, her fingers stroking his hair. “I’d almost forgotten. You can’t stand blood anymore, can you?”

“P-please,” Gavin sobbed. “P-please no, please make it stop…”

“It can stop, sweetheart,” Colleen murmured, her hand still moving through Gavin’s hair. “It can stop, as soon as you tell me how to break Isaac Moore. We’ll get to the others today, too, but let’s start with him. Tell me how to punish Isaac, and you can take a break.”

“Mom, _no_ ,” Gavin wailed, tears soaking into the carpet. “M-mom, please… n-no…”

“Shh. You’re alright,” Colleen said softly. “Just tell me how to break Isaac Moore.”

“No…” Gavin moaned, his stomach heaving again. Colleen nodded to Leo.

Leo cut another stripe across Gavin’s back, deeper this time. A strangled whine tore from Gavin’s throat.

“Tell me, darling. How did you punish Isaac Moore?”

“N- _no,_ ” Gavin cried, the word twisting on his tongue.

Another cut.

“Just tell me, darling. How did you break Isaac?”

“Isaac… _please_ …”

“No need to beg _him,_ my love. How do I punish Isaac?”

Another cut.

“D-don’t hurt him… mom… I’ll do _anything_ …”

“Am I hurting him? No. If you’ll do anything, then tell me how you did it.”

Another cut. Gavin’s back was a mess of blood.

“Please, mom, no no no _no no no NO!_ ”

“Honey, you’re so close. Tell me, and we’ll take a break. Does that sound too terrible?”

“Why are you _doing this?_ ” Gavin moaned. _“Why…?”_

“Because the people who hurt my family need to be punished, darling. You’ll remember that eventually, I promise. Oh, love, they did a number on your mind, didn’t they? What did they do?” Colleen’s voice was pitched high with concern. The hair on the back of Isaac’s neck prickled.

“They didn’t do _anything to me!_ ” Gavin screamed. “You’re the one who’s… torturing me…”

“Oh, honey. This isn’t torture. This is just helping set your mind straight. You’ve forgotten who you are, Gavin _Stormbeck._ You’re _my son,_ your _father’s son._ I’ll remind you of who you are. I’d never let you die without you remembering who you are.”

A chill clutched at Isaac’s heart. _She can’t kill him. Please, god, no… He’s my family too, now…_

“Please don’t kill me,” Gavin whispered into the carpet. “Please, mom… please…”

“This isn’t going to kill you,” Colleen said calmly. She nodded at Leo. “Keep going.”

The knife cut _deep_ into Gavin’s skin, laying him open, bleeding him more. Gavin shuddered, bit down hard on his lip to keep the screams in.

_He’s going to break. He’s going to tell her._

_And I can’t blame him for that at all._

Isaac understood. He understood what it was for the pain to push everything else out of his mind, to spark up the deepest instinct there is: _make the pain stop_. Eventually, there would be nothing but that thought. No matter how strong Gavin was, eventually, he would break.

All Isaac wanted was for Gavin to stop _hurting._

Colleen would continue this until he’d betrayed them all. How long would that take? How long would it take before Gavin spilled every secret, every weakness? How long would it take before Isaac’s family had been laid bare in front of Colleen? Isaac’s eyes squeezed shut. _We’re all going to be tortured to death here. We’re all going to die._ He couldn’t catch the sob that ripped through him. He couldn’t stop the wail that burned his throat.

Colleen’s head snapped to look at Isaac, and he saw the others look at him, too. He saw them shrink a little, weariness and terror crushing them a little further into dust.

There was no room for anything else: _I am going to watch them all die._

Colleen tsked and walked over to stand in front of Isaac, looking down at him with a look of fascination that made his stomach roil. “He seems to think you’re close to breaking, too. Gavin, sweetheart? What do you say? Tell me how to punish Isaac Moore and this ends for a little while.”

“Isaac, no, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry,_ I don’t want to, please, Isaac _no_ …”

“One more, Leo,” Colleen said, her gaze never leaving Isaac. “One more, I think.”

Leo smirked and dragged his knife across another stripe, nearly covered by the blood already smeared on Gavin’s back. Gavin screamed, convulsed, tried to push against the floor to get out from underneath Leo. He shuddered and dragged in a desperate gasp.

_“Waterboarding!”_ Gavin screamed. “I…”

All the blood ran from Isaac’s face. His heart sank like a stone.

Colleen grinned. “Excellent,” she murmured. “Give him a break, Leo. He’s earned it.” She turned away from Isaac and snapped at the men standing along the wall. “Get equipment for that, now.” She laughed lightly, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“Isaac, _no,_ ” Gavin whimpered. “I’m so sorry, no no no _no, I’m so sorry_ …”

Isaac turned his gaze to Gavin, meeting Gavin’s eyes. Gavin shivered with agony, barely able to meet Isaac’s gaze. His eyes were red and streaming with tears, his face haggard with shame. Isaac forced out a slow breath, terrified to his core. He held Gavin’s gaze, silently begging Gavin to keep his eyes on him. Isaac shook his head once from side to side.

_Not your fault._

Gavin collapsed onto the carpet, keening softly. Isaac looked up at the rest of his family, all of them staring back at him with horror written across their faces. He nodded at them, reached down inside himself for the strength that had been nearly destroyed by Gavin almost a year ago. He sagged forward, terror clouding his mind.

_We’re going to fucking die here._


	51. Drowning

Isaac trembled, looking back and forth between the faces of his family, trying desperately to draw strength from them. A band was squeezing tighter and tighter around his chest, making it harder to breathe, and he _needed to breathe._ He yanked against the zip-ties around his wrists, feeling the skin rub raw. His thoughts shattered through his mind as he struggled to keep calm, to keep _strong_ for his family. Everything was being pushed out by one thought that paralyzed him.

_It’s going to happen again._

He was going to drown again. The woman standing smirking above him was going to have her men hold Isaac down and she was going to drown him. He knew, faintly, that she’d told him she wouldn’t allow him to die from it. Not yet. Not until he had suffered enough. She was going to pour water down his nose and throat until he was choking on it, until his lungs were burning with it, and then do it again, and again, and again. He shivered and lurched forward with a sob, his forehead nearly pressing to the floor, inches from her shoes.

“I’m sure if you could speak, you’d be begging me in all sorts of fun ways,” Colleen purred at him. Isaac rolled his head weakly from side to side.

“Isaac,” Gavin moaned where he still lay bleeding on the floor. “N-no, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ …”

Colleen took a step away from Isaac towards Gavin. “What did he do to you, sweetheart?” she said softly. Another step closer. “Tell me. Tell me, darling.” She crouched in front of Gavin, gently cupped his face. He shuddered and pulled away from her hand. Her fingers ran gently through his hair. “Tell me what he did to you that makes you more afraid of him than you are of pain. Did he threaten you? Torture you?”

Gavin whimpered. “He didn’t do _anything_ to me, mom. Please don’t hurt him, _please_ …”

She huffed. “He did _something_ to you, darling. He beat you nearly to death, kept you from me for months, and how you’re desperate to defend him. He did _something._ ” She stood. “And I’m going to find out what it is.”

Isaac’s head snapped to the door as it opened, two of Colleen’s guards carrying a towel and several bottles of water each. Isaac trembled and whimpered through the gag.

“Perfect timing,” Colleen said, smiling. She waved a hand at Isaac. “Get started on him. We’ll stop when my son is recovered enough to start on this one.” She glanced at Sam.

Rage flooded Isaac’s veins, and he shifted his feet under him. Ready to stand. Ready to _fight,_ even if the fight wouldn’t last long. For a moment his terror at drowning was overwhelmed by _CAN’T LET HER HURT SAM._

There was a flicker of movement in his vision, and he saw Vera ready to do the same. A guard stepped away from the wall, his hand out, ready to put her back on her knees. She wobbled, her ankles also bound, then steadied herself. Not moving. Her body coiling tightly. Measuring the distance with her eyes. Isaac knew what she was going to do a moment before she did it.

Just as the guard reached her, she shot to her feet, smashing her head against the guard’s nose at an almost vertical angle. Isaac heard a sickening _crunch_ and the guard slumped to the ground, convulsing weakly. Vera toppled to the floor, her head and neck covered in the man’s blood. The guard convulsed once more and was still. Dead. Vera’s eyes glowed with vicious triumph.

Two more guards descended on Vera as another kicked Isaac onto his back. He twisted, trying to get to his knees, when the guard slammed his boot into Isaac’s stomach. He let out a strangled cry and curled around the man’s boot as he pressed it against Isaac’s chest, forcing the air from his lungs.

“Secure that better, would you?” Colleen snapped, jerking her chin at Vera. Colleen glanced at the dead man on the floor. “Such a waste. Would someone please remove him, and make proper preparations? Notify the family.”

“Yes, ma’am,” two guards murmured, and stepped forward to drag the man’s body from the room.

“How would you like me to restrain her, ma’am?” asked the man pinning Vera to the floor by her throat. She writhed against his hold, trying desperately to kick at the other pinning her legs down.

Colleen’s lip curled as she looked at him. “However you like,” she said coldly. “It’s not one of mine she just killed, but one of _yours_. Secure her in whatever way you feel is appropriate.” She turned on her heel and walked to stand at Isaac’s head.

Isaac struggled to breathe past the boot on his chest as the guards forced Vera onto her stomach. She screamed and thrashed under their hands as they forced her knees to bend, forcing her ankles close enough to her wrists bound behind her that they could secure them together. Isaac’s heart sank in his chest as they zip-tied her wrists to her ankles and dragged her back to her knees, shoving her down at Tori’s side. _They’ll hurt her for that. They’ll fucking torture her for killing him._

_They’ll torture us all, no matter what._

“Isaac,” Colleen said with a grin, looking down at him where he lay pinned. She lowered herself to a crouch at his head and dragged her fingers slowly through his hair. He yanked his head away from her touch. Her hand went back to his hair and tightened into a fist, slowly dragging his head back until he was forced to look at her.

“Isaac,” she said again, softer. “You hurt my son. Do you understand? He hurt you, tortured you, _broke you_ because you were his plaything. You were his to break. That was your purpose, all you were ever made for and all you were ever meant to be. Then you decided to _defy that,_ to turn against the order of the world and hurt the one you were only ever meant to bleed for.”

Isaac rolled his eyes and dragged his head to the side. Colleen jerked him back and stared down at him, her smile dripping poison.

“You were only ever meant to bring my son pleasure with your pain, until he saw fit to kill you. And you nearly killed _him._ Even after he recovered, even after my son recovered from the things you and your _family_ —” She spat the word. “—did to him, you _still_ took him from me, twisted his mind into whatever is lying on the floor there.” She threw a glance at Gavin, still slumped on the floor, bleeding into the carpet.

 _“Isaac,”_ Gavin sobbed, barely able to lift his head. “Isaac, don’t _listen_ to her…”

“ _Quiet,_ Gavin,” Colleen barked over her shoulder. She turned back to face Isaac. “So even though my son is not himself at the moment, I can still punish you for him. I can break the _plaything_ that nearly killed my son. And when he remembers who he is, I will give you back to him, and he will hurt you again, too.”

“No,” Gavin groaned against the floor. “I never will, Isaac, I’ll _never_ hurt you again…”

“Gag him, please,” Colleen snapped.

A guard stepped forward, pulling another cloth gag from his pocket. Gavin sobbed into the carpet.

 _“Isaac,”_ Gavin panted. “Isaac, I’m _sorry,_ don’t listen to her, I’ll never hurt you, I l—” The guard shoved the gag between Gavin’s teeth and tied it tightly behind his head. His muffled sobs quieted into a whimper.

“That’s better,” Colleen sighed, her hand tightening in Isaac’s hair. “So, _Isaac Moore._ You’re going to suffer now, for what you did to my son. I can be the one to avenge his mind, for now. When my son has recovered enough to tell me how he broke _Sam,_ this will stop.” Colleen released Isaac’s hair and smoothly got to her feet. She nodded at the guards around him. “You may begin. I’d have more people hold him, if I were you. He’s a fighter, if he’s good for anything.”

Isaac braced his feet against the floor and twisted, throwing the boot off his chest. He gasped in a desperate breath. He lurched onto his shoulder, pushing away from the ground, trying to force himself to his feet. He didn’t know what he would do once he was there, but it didn’t matter. _Can’t let her hurt Sam. CAN’T LET HER HURT SAM._

Before he could get up onto his knees, one of the guards bowled him over. He cried out as he hit the ground, the weight of the guard forcing the air from his lungs. The guard scrambled off him and moved to hold him. Isaac’s mouth gaped open around the gag as he thrashed against the hands on him, an _impossible_ number of hands. On his throat, his hair, shoving down on his chest. Holding him to the floor. He felt the weight of a guard throwing himself on Isaac’s legs and pinning his legs down under his body. The hands on his chest didn’t leave. The hands on his throat tightened. Isaac’s eyes went wide with panic and he screamed through the gag.

“For _fuck’s sake,_ ” Colleen snapped from somewhere above him. “Do it _now._ ”

A face appeared above Isaac’s, and Isaac dragged in a ragged gasp.

“Good to see you again, Moore,” Leo’s voice rasped in his ear. Leo pulled the gag from Isaac’s mouth. “I know this was _my_ favorite part.”

The towel was pulled over Isaac’s face. He screamed in terror, wasting his oxygen, his heart thundering in his chest. He yanked desperately on the zip-tie around his wrists, tearing the skin wide open. He felt the first few splashes of water on his face.

Then the towel was soaked through, and Isaac was drowning.

He thrashed uselessly against the men holding him down, out of his mind with panic. His lungs burned, _demanded_ oxygen, but the muscles in his chest froze and spasmed as the first of the water made it down his nose. It was smothering. It was drowning. His throat was filling up with water.

Then the towel was gone, and the men let Isaac lurch to the side enough to heave the water out of his lungs. He gasped at the air, his throat closing against the feeling of water coming in. He coughed until his ribs ached. He was forced onto his back and it started again.

The towel was slapped across his face. He could barely breathe through the film of water in the fabric. He couldn’t breathe at all once the water started pouring over his face.

His body convulsed against the invasion of the water, the feeling of drowning, the burning and spasming of his lungs. His heart felt like it would explode in his chest as he twisted against the hands on him, and they wouldn’t budge. _I’m going to die I’m going to die I’m doing to die I’M GOING TO DIE I’M GOING TO DIE._

They let him up again. He leaned to the side and coughed the water out of his lungs, sobbing as he dragged in the air. Someone was screaming. His eyes rolled in his head, wild, unfocused, until his gaze landed on Sam. A guard held them back as they writhed in his grip, tears streaming down their face, as they fought to get to Isaac. _Once they stop this, they’ll break Gavin again and torture Sam._

The men forced him onto his back. _I can’t take this._

He didn’t have time to take in a breath before the towel was over his face and soaking wet again.

His mind was a jagged slash of pain, his body, agony. He thrashed against the men holding him down, his body reacting and moving on its own without him telling it to. There was no room in his mind for command. No room for thought, no room for _him._ There was only room for the water.

His lungs burned as the water made it in, deeper, pushing out the air, drowning him. He pulled against the hands on him, his body acting on a reflex. Automatic. They let him up again and he was coughing up water before he realized it had stopped.

On his back again. He fought, the movements jerky and uncoordinated. He couldn’t feel his body moving past the agony in his chest, the paralyzing terror that pushed out every other thought but _I am drowning._

_Anything to make it stop._

The towel was gone and he lurched to the side, expelling the water from his lungs, heaving forward, shuddering with each inhale.

“Get him on his side,” a voice said above him.

_Get him on his side._

_Isaac?_

_Oh, god._

“He’s done for now. Wouldn’t want to drown him, would we?” A hand was in his hair, a soft hand stroking gently through, and a soft voice. A woman, who sounded like…

…like his mother.

He tried to speak, but his throat spasmed around the water still lingering in his lungs and he was racked with coughs. That hand kept moving, stroking through his soaking wet hair. He moaned softly.

“That’s right, plaything,” Colleen crooned. “Can’t have you dying just yet. No. I have _so_ many things I need to do to you before you’re properly punished for what you’ve done.”

 _“No,”_ Isaac whispered into the carpet.

“And it looks as if my son has recovered enough, too.” The voice drifted away, the presence at his head no longer there.

 _Not Sam._ Isaac groaned, and another breath seized in his chest. _They’re going to hurt Sam, now. Do it to me again. Anything to stop them from going after Sam._

He opened his mouth to tell them, to _beg_ them, to just punish him, to waterboard him again, to drown him and drown him until he was dead. _Can’t let them have Sam. This is how I keep my family safe._ He opened his mouth to beg them to hurt him again.

_I… I can’t. I can’t do it again. I can’t take it._

He pressed his face into the carpet, shaming rising up and sweeping away the pain, the terror, everything in its path. _I can’t protect them. I can’t take this for them. I can’t take the drowning again. This is my one purpose and I_ can’t do it _._

He whimpered, tears running from his eyes and mixing with the water on his skin. He couldn’t look at Sam. _I betrayed them again._

Colleen stepped back in front of Gavin, where he lay cowering on the floor. She grinned. “Leo,” she said smoothly. “Let’s begin again.”


	52. Chapter 52

Leo drew the gag from between Gavin’s teeth and he let out a sob. “Mom,” he cried desperately. “Please don’t do this anymore, please please please _please please please don’t do this anymore._ ”

Colleen tsked and pouted her lips. “Gavin, sweetheart,” she murmured, her voice laced with mock patience. “You’re not yourself right now. You’ve forgotten who you are. I can’t listen to you when you’re in this state, can you? It would be like listening to someone with a head injury.”

In the corner of Isaac’s vision, Finn flinched and buried their face in Ellis’s neck. They whimpered, trembling, and Colleen turned slowly to look down at them both where they huddled together.

“Interesting,” Colleen murmured. She bent closer, her gaze roaming over them both and staying on Finn. She pulled the gag gently from their mouth. “Did you have a head injury, honey? Is that why you flinched?”

Finn shuddered and cowered against Ellis’s side, sobbing, whispering, “No no no please _don’t,_ please don’t do that, please no I don’t want to disappear, oh god _please_ —” Colleen stuffed the gag back into their mouth.

“Gavin,” Colleen said as she straightened, a sharper tone to her voice like she was reprimanding him. “Did you give this one a head injury?”

Gavin whimpered against the carpet, his eyes squeezing shut. “Mom, _please,_ please just let them go…”

“Leo,” Colleen snapped, and waved her hand at Gavin.

Gavin’s shirt was still pulled up over the cuts across his back. Leo spread his hand over Gavin’s back and _leaned_ into the wounds.

Gavin twisted and screamed against the carpet. “No no no no no _no no no mom please!_ ”

“Answer me, Gavin,” she said crisply. Leo leaned harder.

_“Aah! I did!”_ Gavin sobbed. “I… _d-did_ … no no no oh god Finn I’m so sorry…”

Isaac swallowed, his throat dry despite the drowning. _“N-no,”_ he rasped.

Finn’s head snapped up and they stared at Isaac, eyes wide with horror. “No,” Finn whimpered. “No… no, _please_ …”

_“Gavin,”_ Colleen snapped, her voice echoing around the room, the first time she’d raised it since they’d gotten there. “You gave this plaything a _head injury?_ ”

“I’m sorry, Finn, I didn’t want to say, I’m so _sorry_ …”

Colleen snapped her fingers at Leo. “Get him up,” she ordered.

Leo dragged Gavin to his knees by the hair. Gavin’s shirt fell down over his back, covering the cuts. The fabric quickly became stained with blood.

“Gavin,” Colleen said sternly, taking Gavin’s chin in her hand. “Your father and I told you… how many times? _Never_ give your playthings head injuries severe enough to permanently change them. You lose all the _work_ you put in, making them good.”

Finn slumped against Ellis, sobbing with relief. Isaac shivered. His lungs burned with every breath.

“I would blame your own head injury but I know this happened _before_ that one,” she said disdainfully, her lip curling at him. “Jesus fucking Christ.” She drew in a deep breath and blew it slowly between her lips. Her eyes slid shut and she rolled her head on her neck. “Two down out of six,” she murmured.

_This is what he was running from,_ Isaac thought with a jolt, his mind still spinning. _He was willing to risk us killing him if he got away from her._ Isaac’s heart sank like a stone. He couldn’t have known, how could he have _known,_ but if he had… _This_ is what Gavin lived with. _This_ was Gavin’s life, before he ran. Isaac didn’t know the syndicate world, but he knew _this._ He knew abuse. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if Colleen was willing to torture her own son for information, this was not the first time she’d done something like this. Maybe Gavin didn’t remember, maybe he didn’t _realize,_ but Isaac did. Isaac’s stomach lurched as he realized he saw his own mother in Colleen. The twist of her mouth, the coldness in her eyes. The contempt in every line of her body. Isaac knew the tone in Colleen’s voice, the _exact_ tone, as she tore Gavin to pieces. Isaac knew that it _never_ started with yelling, or pain. It started with a thousand little deaths, first.

Gavin must have lived a _million_ of those for her to be doing this to him now.

Isaac’s heart shattered.

“Gavin,” Isaac moaned against the floor, his throat still quivering from the water. “It’s okay. Not your fault. Not your—” Isaac screamed as one of the guards kicked him in the stomach.

“No, no, I want to see what he says,” Colleen said lightly, smiling. “What does the man who broke my son want to say to him?”

Isaac whimpered, rocking forward with a cough. “G-Gavin,” he gasped. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t want to. This is what torture _is,_ you hurt until you break. I can’t blame you for that. You’re being so b- _brave_ —”

“Shut him up,” Colleen snapped. Leo stepped forward and dragged the gag back between Isaac’s teeth. A darkness settled over Colleen’s face as she glared down at Isaac, a calculation behind her eyes that made Isaac shudder.

Colleen’s smile returned, but didn’t reach her eyes. “Leo,” she said, her voice low and venomous. “Let’s continue.”

“Mom, no, _please_ —”

“Tell me how you broke Sam,” Colleen said smoothly.

Isaac’s gaze lifted to Sam where they knelt, chest heaving, their eyes flicking between Gavin and his mother. They didn’t look panicked, didn’t look like they were going wild with fear. They looked _angry._

_Sam, no, he can’t help it. Please. Please don’t be angry at him._

Sam twisted and ducked their head, rubbing their cheek against their shoulder until the gag finally pulled free of their mouth. “Gavin, don’t you _dare_ blame yourself for this,” they shrieked, and Colleen jumped slightly as she turned to look at them. “This is _torture,_ Gavin, don’t forget it, don’t let her make you believe—”

Colleen clapped her own hand over Sam’s mouth. Isaac rolled onto his stomach, trying and failing to drag himself forward. _“No,”_ he mumbled through his gag.

Sam’s eyes were murderous over Colleen’s hand as she looked down at them, an amused smile pulling at her lips. “Here I heard you were the sweet one,” she said with a faint laugh.

Sam opened their mouth and licked a wide, wet stripe across the palm of Colleen’s hand. She yanked her hand away, twisting her mouth in disgust as she stepped back in front of Gavin.

“Someone gag that again, please,” she snapped, “And try to make it successful this time.” A guard stepped forward and offered her a handkerchief to wipe her hand, and another pulled Sam’s gag back into their mouth, undoing the knot and pulling the gag tighter. Sam winced as the guard tied the knot again.

_“Sam,”_ Isaac mumbled through the gag. They looked at him with tears in their eyes, but didn’t back down from their furious look. Another guard stepped forward and dragged Isaac back into his side by his hair. Isaac trembled.

“Gavin, darling,” Colleen purred. “What did you do to Sam that made them break?”

“Mom,” Gavin moaned weakly. _“S-stop…”_

Colleen nodded at Leo.

Leo dragged the back of Gavin’s shirt up and over his head, completely revealing his back. He grasped Gavin’s hair to hold him in place and drew his knife again.

“Mom, _no,_ mom, _please_ …”

Colleen rolled her eyes. “Gavin, darling, you aren’t getting this. This is going to continue until I have this information on each of the people here. Just because you’re a little confused doesn’t mean my plan doesn’t go forward. It just means I get this information a little less pleasantly than if we were having a nice chat as mother and son.” She nodded at Leo again.

Leo grinned and held the knife again to Gavin’s back. Gavin gasped and pulled away from it, whimpering.

“N-no,” he whispered. “No…”

His whimper rose to a scream as Leo cut into Gavin’s back again. Gavin strained forward, trying to avoid the knife, pulling hard against Leo’s hand in his hair. Tears ran down his cheeks, every muscle in his body pulling tight against the pain.

The knife left his skin. Gavin slumped back, panting.

“Darling,” Colleen murmured. “How. Did. You. Break. Sam.”

“I… _d-didn’t_ ,” Gavin sobbed. “It was just pain, just…”

Colleen looked to Sam, her lips still pulling up into a smile. “Sounds about right. I bet this little one isn’t used to this sort of thing.”

Sam snarled at her through the gag.

“Ooh. Fierce little one.” Colleen grinned. “But you broke them down to _something._ I know you, sweetheart. I know how you work. You were always so good at getting into their minds, weren’t you, my darling boy?” Her hand settled on his cheek for a moment in what almost looked like affection. “What in their mind did you dig up that broke them? I can hurt them, no problem. But I need a _direction._ ”

_“Mom,”_ Gavin whined. “Don’t do this, you don’t have to do this, you have me now, you can just kill me like you wanted, for, for killing dad… Please just let them go…”

Colleen laughed, and there was something about it that made Isaac’s skin crawl. “Oh, sweetheart, you didn’t kill your father.” Colleen’s eyes settled on Vera, like a snake measuring the distance to its prey. “ _That one_ killed your father. And she’s the one who’s going to die for it, not you.”

“Mom, no—”

Leo’s knife cut into Gavin’s back again.

_“NO!_ No, please, god…” A scream forced its way between Gavin’s teeth as he pulled as hard as he could away from the knife. Leo finished the cut, and Gavin slumped again, trembling. Sweat beaded on his skin.

“How did you break them?” Colleen said softly.

Gavin glanced at Sam, his throat working against his sobs. Isaac’s heart froze in his chest as Sam met Gavin’s eyes, and _nodded._ Giving him permission. Isaac whined against the gag between his teeth.

“W-weak link,” Gavin moaned. “They worry they’re the weak link. The l-liability. Mom, please, please just stop—”

_“Excellent,”_ Colleen hissed. Her eyes moved over Vera, then Tori. “Well… I suppose I already know how to break Vera. My husband told me enough that I know exactly what to do with her.” She lifted her chin at Tori. “But what about her little bitch paramour?”

Vera jerked forward, stopped by the zip tie connecting her wrists to her ankles. She bared her teeth at Colleen and growled deep in her throat, like an animal.

A wicked grin spread across Colleen’s face. “I suppose now is as good a time as any to bring out what I had made for _you,_ ” she spat at Vera.

Vera’s eyes went wide but she leaned forward, the growl in her throat growing louder.

“Mom, for _fuck’s sake,_ don’t collar her again, please, _please_ don’t collar her, you don’t know what that’ll _do_ …”

Colleen made a gesture to the guards behind Isaac and the others, and turned back to Gavin. “Actually I do, darling,” she said sweetly. “I know _exactly_ what it’ll do to her.” She held out her hand over Vera’s shoulder. As Vera turned her head a guard wrapped her hair around his hand and twisted, yanking her head back, baring her throat. Isaac watched in horror as another guard placed a leather collar in Colleen’s hand, then grabbed Vera’s shoulders to hold her in place.

Tori rocked forward and shouldered into one of the guards, sobbing through her gag, screaming words that were muffled but sounded like obscenities. Isaac groaned and tried to push himself up. He was kicked back onto his side.

“Mom, _stop!_ ” Gavin breathed. “No. Don’t _do this,_ mom, she’s my _friend_ —”

Colleen laughed once. “She’s not your friend, stupid boy. She’s your father’s murderer.” Colleen wrapped the collar around Vera’s neck, buckling it so tightly Isaac could see the skin pinch. Colleen spun the collar around, a grin spreading across her face as Vera winced at the pressure. “And now,” Colleen murmured, “She’s my plaything.” Colleen looked behind the line of Isaac’s family again. “And the second piece, as well.”

Isaac’s heart stopped. _Second piece? What the fuck is that? What is she gonna_ do?

Vera’s eyes were already faded. She was slipping away under the collar, dragged back in time, miles away, to where she’d been kept and tortured for months in Joseph Stormbeck’s basement. Isaac called out to her, tried to bring her back. Vera shook herself slightly, her eyes roaming around the room, and settled on Isaac. Blinked. Settled on Tori. She swallowed, and her eyes focused.

When the guard appeared over Vera’s shoulder, Isaac’s stomach _dropped._

He was holding a piece of leather and fabric the size of two palms next to each other. Four straps with clasps dangled from it, one hanging from each corner. Vera’s eyes focused on it, and she raged against the guards holding her. She ducked out of the grip of the one securing her shoulders, and twisted hard against the hand in her hair. Colleen snapped her fingers and pointed at Tori.

Another guard stepped forward and grabbed Tori’s hair, dragging her back away from Vera. The man produced a knife and held it under Tori’s chin. Tori screamed, then bit down on the gag like she regretted it with every fiber of her being. Vera froze, her gaze fixing immediately on Tori, and the knife. Her eyes filled with tears. She looked to Colleen, her jaw working against the gag, mumbling words through it that sounded like she was pleading.

Colleen smiled and took a step closer to Vera. “You know exactly what this is,” she said softly. Vera nodded, the movement shaking her entire body. “Good. Stop fighting, let me put it on you, or I tell Sawyer to cut your girlfriend’s throat right here. Do you understand?”

Vera nodded vigorously, her eyes flicking between the leather in Colleen’s hand, and the knife at Tori’s throat.

“Are you going to let me put this on you?” Colleen said, smugly.

Vera nodded again, staring only at Tori now, as tears poured down Tori’s face.

“Good,” Colleen purred. She reached for the gag and gently pulled it away from Vera’s mouth. Vera’s lips trembled as they closed, her eyes still fixed on Tori. Tori sobbed, shaking her head.

As Colleen fit the leather over Vera’s nose and mouth, Vera’s eyes flicked up to Colleen’s and held. Colleen drew the straps from the corners over Vera’s cheeks and clasped them behind her head. Colleen took the other straps, from the corners over the curve of Vera’s jaw, and drew them back under the nape of Vera’s neck, clasping them to the ring at the back of Vera’s collar. The leather kept Vera’s mouth closed, running over the bridge of her nose, down her cheeks, around her jaw and under her chin. Keeping her silenced.

Keeping her _muzzled._

Isaac moaned into the gag as he stared at Vera with something that went deeper than horror. Vera met Colleen’s gaze still, and from several feet away Isaac could see something drop away behind her eyes, leaving Vera intact, leaving something there burning inside that Isaac had never seen before. He knew, suddenly, that this was exactly how Vera looked in the moments before she ripped Joseph’s throat out. Isaac shuddered against the ground.

Colleen saw it, too. Isaac could tell from how she fell back a half step, the smug grin plastered across her face falling just a millimeter. Then she just smiled wider and gently placed her hands on either side of Vera’s face.

“I know you have a penchant for biting,” Colleen said softly. “And that little look you’re giving me is adorable. My husband called you… _ferocious,_ I think it was. What a word, for his little toy.” Colleen leaned a little closer, dropped her voice. “If you want to act like a fucking animal,” Colleen sneered, “Then you’ll be muzzled like one. I’m not risking anyone around those teeth anymore, you little _whore._ ” Colleen shuddered with the word as she forced it between her teeth. “You will wear this any time you are around me, or any of my guards. You are a _creature,_ and barely that, as far as I’m concerned. And when I’ve grown tired of you…” Colleen’s voice dropped to a hiss. “I’m going to put you down like the miserable little _bitch_ that you are.”

Despite _everything,_ despite the collar around her neck and the _thing_ on her face, despite the knife at Tori’s throat, despite the restraints around Vera’s wrists and ankles keeping her kneeling, despite Colleen’s hands on Vera’s face, Vera snorted through the muzzle. The dead look in her eyes flattened, hardened, and Isaac found himself swallowing hard around the gag in his mouth. He knew, felt in his _bones,_ that something was coming. Something he’d never known so strongly in his life, something so true it felt like it had already been stamped into the future like a brand. His body ached, his lungs still burning with every breath, his heart sinking through the floor, dragged down by a despair deeper than he’d ever felt before. And still a single, diamond-hard splinter of knowledge crystalized in his brain, pulling him out of the depths.

_Vera is going to kill Colleen Stormbeck._

Colleen smirked and dropped her hands from Vera’s face. She nodded at the guard holding Tori, and the knife came away from her throat. The man stepped back against the wall.

Colleen walked slowly in front of Gavin again. Gavin withered forward, squeezing his eyes shut under his mother’s gaze.

“Gavin, sweetheart,” Colleen said softly. Gavin flinched. “Only two left, darling. Tori first. How did you break Tori?”

“No,” Gavin croaked, shaking his head weakly. “Please. Please no.”

Colleen heaved an exaggerated sigh. “Gavin, my darling, my only beloved son, you are making this so much more difficult than it needs to be. I just need to know two more things. How did you break Ellis, and how did you break Tori? Either one. You can choose which one you say first.”

“P-please…” Gavin moaned. “Please, please just kill me. I c-can’t, mom.”

“No, honey,” she said, as if managing a grumpy toddler. “I already told you. I won’t let you die while you still don’t remember who you are. No one is going to kill you today. We might as well close that topic.”

“K-kill me, mom, _please,_ ” he sobbed, looking up at her with anguish in his eyes. “I… already… told you so much, please stop…”

Colleen rolled her eyes and gestured at Leo. Without hesitation he gripped Gavin’s hair harder and dragged the knife across Gavin’s back.

Gavin’s mouth fell open and he screamed, pulling desperately away from the knife as Leo jerked him back. Tears streamed from Gavin’s eyes and he looked to the side, directly at Isaac. Isaac stared back at Gavin, his own eyes running tears, as he tried, shaking, to push himself up to his knees. A boot shoved him onto his back. He didn’t break eye contact with Gavin.

Leo finished the cut and started another before Gavin could drag in a full breath. He screamed, the sound broken by his sobs as they punched out of his chest. He writhed against the hand in his hair, shuddering hard against the pain. Isaac could see the moment when Gavin broke again, how his body stopped fighting the pain and instead started to fight _Gavin_. Gavin could barely get the words out fast enough.

“I, I just beat her, mom! I just beat her. That’s it. It wasn’t anything—”

Colleen scoffed. “My son doesn’t do something so common as _beat someone_ without _something_ going along with it. What really broke her, honey? I know the pain helped, but what broke her?”

Gavin shook his head against the grip Leo had on his hair. “No no no _no, mom,_ she’s been _so good to me_ …”

Colleen barked out a mirthless laugh. “She’s fucks the thing that killed your father, and she’s been _good to you?_ You must be absolutely out of your mind. Leo, let’s continue this agonizing process. Christ, it’s like peeling a turtle.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Leo grinned and held the knife to Gavin’s back again.

“No wait, _please_ —” Gavin sobbed against the pain. “I _collared her,_ mom, make him stop, _please,_ that’s what broke her. Please, _stop_ …”

Colleen raised her hand, and Leo stopped the cut. Gavin sagged with relief. Tori moved slightly, in such a way that tore Isaac’s gaze away from Gavin.

She leaned away from him, her eyes going wide, her mouth falling open around the gag.

_No, Tori, we can’t blame him,_ please _don’t blame him…_

Isaac swallowed as he realized she wasn’t angry. She wasn’t staring at Gavin with betrayal in her eyes, or despair, or terror. She was staring at Gavin in _disbelief._

_Gavin just lied to her._

Something tightened in Isaac’s throat, something raw and deep in him that swept through his chest, running down into his limbs, warming him, strengthening him. Gavin was lying, risking his life, risking further pain, for _them._ The feeling grew as Isaac realized Gavin had lied for _every single one of them._

Gavin hadn’t told Colleen that Isaac believed the only thing he was good for was dying so someone else didn’t have to. He hadn’t revealed the death of Isaac’s father, or his mother’s abuse, or being abandoned by the family who had only taken him to turn him into their personal guard dog. He’d revealed Isaac’s worst fear, but it was a _physical_ fear. Colleen would torture Isaac’s body, but leave his soul intact.

He hadn’t told Colleen that he’d given Finn a concussion to take away the one thing Finn felt they brought to the table. He hadn’t told Colleen how he’d threatened to force them out of their own body, just to torment Ellis. He hadn’t said any of that. Just confirmed the head injury, and at least that, Isaac knew, wouldn’t be repeated by Colleen.

He’d told Colleen what Sam’s weakness was, but only because that truly was the crux of how Gavin had tortured them. And by now, Isaac knew they didn’t believe that anymore. He hoped down in his soul that they didn’t believe it.

And Tori… Gavin hadn’t said a thing about her relationship with Vera. He hadn’t told Colleen it was the _guilt_ that broke Tori, the guilt and fear that deep down she was _just like Joseph._ Isaac shuddered to think of what Colleen could do with that information, and Gavin hadn’t given it to her.

Gavin had lied, for each and every one of them, so well and in such a way that Colleen would never find out.

Isaac stared at Gavin, watched as he trembled in Leo’s grip, blood dripping down his back, soaking into the back of his jeans, staining his forearms and wrists where they were still tied behind him. Isaac watched as tears rolled down Gavin’s cheeks, wetting the front of his shirt. Noticed the puddles of blood soaked into the carpet beneath Gavin’s shoes. Isaac shivered with the pain in his chest, from the water still drying on his skin, and watched Gavin, amazed.

“One more,” Colleen said warmly, pulling Isaac out of his own mind. “Just one more, for Ellis. How did you break them? Tell me, sweetheart.”

Gavin’s eyes fell shut. “Mom… I…” Gavin shook his head. The fight ran out of him. “Please…”

Colleen’s gaze shifted from Gavin to where Ellis knelt huddled against Finn’s side, cringing away from Colleen’s eyes. Colleen bit the inside of her cheek, considering for a moment. She looked back to Gavin, a twisted smile spreading across her face. “Oh. Oh I see.”

Gavin’s lips trembled. “Mom, no—”

“Ellis’s family is the one your uncle Benjamin killed, isn’t it?”

Gavin slumped forward, his head hanging towards the floor. “I… mom, just don’t hurt them, please…”

“I thought so.” Colleen’s eyes lingered on Finn for a moment. “Gavin, honey, what did this one do for the team? The one with the head injury you so wisely bestowed.”

Gavin sagged against the hand in his hair. “M-medic, mom. They were their medic.”

Colleen tilted her head. _“Interesting.”_ Colleen surveyed them all for a moment and clapped her hands together. “That makes six.” Colleen guided the hem of Gavin’s shirt back over his head and let it fall, obscuring the cuts mutilating his back. “You’ve done so, so well, sweetheart. I promise you’ll come back to me. Just one more thing, and I’ll take you to get cleaned up.” She looked at the guards standing against the wall behind the family and nodded. “Get him up,” she ordered, snapping her fingers at Isaac.

Isaac was nearly limp in the guard’s hands as he was dragged upright and put on his knees beside the others. He could barely bring himself to wonder what the last thing was that Colleen had planned. The realest thing to him right now was the air moving in and out of his lungs. He forced his eyes to focus as Colleen stepped forward towards the line of them.

“You all belong to me, now,” Colleen said softly, a grin on her face. “And these…” She glanced over their heads. “…are to remind you of that.”

Before Isaac could wonder what she meant, a guard’s hands were fumbling at his neck. He tossed his head in confusion and stiffened as he felt a cool leather band tighten around his throat. He stood frozen in shock as the guard buckled the collar around Isaac’s neck. Humiliation burned on Isaac’s skin, the panic and terror of being collared like a dog, like a _plaything._ Isaac’s thoughts crashed through him in a jagged rush of horror: _I’m never getting this off. This is how Vera felt. She’s going to choke me with this. She’s going to tie me down. Gavin’s choking me again and I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t…_

Isaac’s stomach lurched with the thought that came and wouldn’t leave: _Gavin never collared me._

When he finally had his breath again, he glanced down the line of his family. His stomach heaved, and acid clawed up his throat at the crushing realization: they were _all_ collared.

Tori sobbed, pressed against Vera, her eyes wild and distant. Finn and Ellis still huddled together, looking at each other as they cried, disbelief and terror written on their faces. Sam was trying so hard to be brave, glaring up at Colleen with all the ferocity in their body, but tears still rolled down their cheeks.

Gavin looked around, sobbing. He was the only one not collared.

“Mom?” he whimpered, finally raising his gaze to hers. “Why… why didn’t you put one on me?”

Colleen gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. “Gavin, _no,_ ” she whispered. “You’re not my plaything, honey. You’re a little confused, but you’ll never be collared, baby. I’m going to help you remember who you are, and you’ll never be collared. Honey… you’re _Gavin Stormbeck._ And Gavin Stormbeck doesn’t wear a collar.”

Gavin crumpled into sobs, nearly falling forward. Colleen looked up at Leo. “Leo, free him, please. My son has done so well. Come on, honey.”

Leo knelt and cut the zip tie around Gavin’s ankles, then his wrists. He jerked Gavin to his feet, holding him as he swayed in place.

“My baby is finally home. I’m so _proud_ of you.” Colleen gently kissed Gavin’s cheek. She turned to the guards along the walls. “Get _them_ to their cells. These two together…” She pointed at Tori and Vera. “These two together…” She pointed at Isaac and Sam. Finn and Ellis looked at each other with agonizing hope in their eyes. “And these two…” Colleen waved her hand at them. “The medic goes in the block with the rest. The other one goes in solitary.”

Ellis screamed and launched themselves at Colleen, knocking clumsily into her knees, making Colleen stumble back on her heels.

“Handle this, please,” Colleen snapped, pointing at Ellis where they lay writhing at her feet.

The guards stepped forward, each one cutting the zip ties around the family’s ankles and dragging them to their feet. One by one the guards forced them from the room. Isaac was out last, stumbling and nearly falling, looking back at the agony on Gavin’s face as he passed through the door.

Five of the guards turned to the right. The guard holding Ellis turned to the left. Ellis’s scream rent the air, their chest heaving with sobs as they thrashed against the man holding them. Finn screamed back, nearly throwing the guard off of them, their shoes squeaking against the floor as they fought to get back to Ellis. Isaac pulled against the guard holding him, desperate to help Ellis. He could barely stand without the guard holding him up.

The guard holding Ellis dragged them around a corner. Isaac could hear their screams as they disappeared down the hall. Tears streamed down his face.

They were all dragged down the opposite hall. The guard in front, wrestling with Sam, pulled a ring of keys from his belt. They rounded a corner and were greeted by a solid-looking door. He unlocked it, opened it, and dragged Sam inside. The others all followed suit.

Behind the door, the hall opened up into a row of three cells, each large enough for two or three people. Isaac watched Tori and Vera disappear into the cell in the middle, and Finn was shoved into the cell on the end. The guards dragged him and Sam into the cell closest to the door.

Once inside, they were dragged to opposite ends of the cell. The guard holding Sam cut the zip-tie around their wrists and forced them into a pair of manacles attached to the wall by a chain. The guard holding Isaac snapped one manacle onto his wrist, cut the zip-tie, and quickly pulled his other arm around to chain down his other wrist. The two guards left without word and slammed the barred door shut.

Isaac lifted his eyes to Sam, his very skin feeling like it would catch fire from the sight of them chained to the wall, gagged, dried blood staining the lower half of their face. He could hear the others crying through the bars of the door. His head fell back against the wall and he sobbed.


	53. Chapter 53

Isaac slumped against the wall of the cell, frozen. Tears streamed down his face into the gag. The shackles around his wrists dug into the open skin, and he hissed out a breath.

He lifted his gaze to Sam. The fury they’d shown Colleen was fading. They looked like they were drawing into themselves, folding, crumbling. They trembled against the wall and slowly raised their eyes to look at Isaac.

Something in him cooled, hardened into a deadly rage at the sight of Sam’s blood. His jaw locked around the gag.

_I’m not letting them die like this._

He reached up and tore the gag from his mouth. “Sam,” he panted. “Sam, are you okay, are you okay…?”

Trembling, they pulled away the gag. “Y-yeah,” they sobbed, their voice shaking. “I, I’m okay. I’m… no no no _no no no_ …” They trailed off into a whimper.

“No no no Sam, look at me…” Isaac lurched forward, his wrists straining against the cuffs. “Look at me. Sam…” Their eyes flicked up to meet his. “You’re okay. It’s gonna be alright.”

Sam bit their lip and nodded, hesitantly. Fear tightened in their eyes, dragged at Isaac’s heart. “O-okay, Isaac,” they whispered.

Isaac swallowed hard and looked toward the barred door. “Vera?” he called. “Tori? Finn? You there?”

“We’re here,” Tori called back, her voice twisted, echoing strangely off the walls. “We’re okay. Vera…” A sob. “Vera c-can’t talk. She’s got the… m— she’s got the… the _thing_ … on her face… and they chained her hands behind her… she c-can’t take it off…”

“Okay,” Isaac gasped. Pushed out a breath, willing his heart to slow down. “F-Finn, are you there?”

Finn heaved a shuddering sob. “They… they took Ellis, they took _Ellis,_ what are they gonna do to them—”

“Finn…” Isaac said, trying to smooth out the tremor in his voice. “Finn, it’s okay, we’re gonna—”

_“THEY TOOK ELLIS!”_ Finn’s scream reverberated through the hall. Even from his own cell, Isaac could hear the rattle of chains as Finn threw themselves against them. _“THEY TOOK ELLIS! P-please… NO!”_

_“Finn,”_ Isaac barked, his voice going through the air like a shot. “ _Finn._ Stay calm. We need to focus, okay?”

“They t-took _Ellis_ ,” Finn moaned. They collapsed into sobs. _“No…”_

Isaac grit his teeth against the tears that burned in his eyes. His chest ached, his breaths still coming through a throat that kept spasming shut. He turned his gaze to Sam.

“Sam,” he murmured, “What do you see? Anything we can use? Anything to pick the locks, break them?”

Sam leaned forward and peered out the cell door. “No,” they whispered. “There’s… literally _nothing_ out there. No guard, no table, no windows… there’s… _nothing._ ”

“Okay,” Isaac said, exhaling slowly. “Okay. So we’ll have to think of something else.”

“Isaac,” Sam breathed, their eyes wide and round with terror. “What are we… gonna… what are we gonna _do?_ They’re gonna… gonna _torture us._ They’re gonna hurt us, Isaac. They’re gonna… drown you, and hurt… me… I don’t want…” They shuddered and heaved out a sob. “No no no no not again… No no no it’s okay it’s okay… just gotta… breathe…”

“I know they are,” Isaac whispered through trembling lips. “I know. But Sam… Sam, look at me…” Sam raised their eyes to Isaac again. “I… I’m gonna do everything I can to get us out. Okay? _Everything._ If they torture me—” He swallowed hard. “ _When_ they torture me, I’ll see if I can grab a ring of keys. A knife. Anything. And you do the same, okay?”

“They’re gonna kill us,” Sam whimpered, and pulled their knees in to their chest. “She… she’s gonna torture us until we’re dead. She’s gonna kill Gavin… Isaac, she’s gonna kill him, too…”

“I know,” Isaac groaned. “I know that. But I…” Isaac’s mouth slowly closed. _But I’m gonna save us. But I’m gonna stop them. But I’m gonna kill her first._

A tear slid down his cheek as he watched Sam shiver against the wall of the cell. _What if I can’t save them this time? What if I have to watch them die?_ He gasped around the pain that wracked him with that thought.

He drew his sleeve across his face, squeezing his hands into fists.

_I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know if I can get them out. But I…_ His heart stuttered in his chest. _I can’t let them die._

∴

Gavin lay facedown on his bed, panting against the pain in his back. Their medic had come and gone, stitched him up where Leo’s knife had sliced too deep into his flesh. The medic had doused his wounds in rubbing alcohol and covered them all in gauze and tape. Gavin shuddered.

_This is exactly what I did to Isaac._ Exactly _what I did to him. I cut him, bled him, then sprayed him with alcohol to torture him more._ Gavin could still hear Isaac’s screams in his mind, echoing through him. His stomach clenched as he remembered lying in bed for months after that, imagining Isaac’s screams. Planning to make him scream like that again. Now it just made Gavin sick. The memory of Isaac’s screams, the smell of his blood and sweat, the look of him straining against the pain as he fought every single moment not to break… It all made Gavin want to rip his heart out of his chest. He’d rather throw himself in front of a bullet than ever witness Isaac’s pain again.

_She’s going to make me do it anyway,_ Gavin thought with a shudder. _She’s going to make me hurt him. She’s going to… to see what I feel for him, and she’s going to make me hurt him._ His eyes fell shut, sending streams of tears down his cheeks. _She’s going to make me kill him. Then she’s going to kill me._

_“I’d never let you die without you remembering who you are.”_

Gavin didn’t know if that was his mother showing her hand, or if she just didn’t care anymore. What did it matter? She had Gavin now, had them all. The fact that Gavin wasn’t wearing a collar meant absolutely nothing. He was a prisoner, just like the rest of them. And he’d be tortured and killed right alongside them.

He took a deep breath and hissed through his teeth as the pain flared in his back. It was different from the caning; when he’d been caned, the pain had been deep, a throbbing ache that penetrated down to his ribs, his bones. This felt like _fire._ It raced across his skin, searing him like a hot coal. He moaned and squeezed his hands into fists around the bedspread.

_I deserve this, and so much more._ He burned with shame at what he’d done to Isaac, what Isaac was about to endure again, for him. He’d been the one to make this plan. He’d been the one that found them all those months ago.

He was the one with the fucking Stormbeck name, the Stormbeck blood that would never go away, no matter what he called himself. It didn’t matter if he called himself Moore, or Uriah, or nothing at all. He was a Stormbeck, and his family was going to die for it.

He ached for a drink of water. He pushed himself up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom, bile rising in his throat. The others probably weren’t getting water. They probably weren’t getting _beds._ Gavin had seen the cells in this house. He’d seen enough to know that they were all probably chained to a wall somewhere, left in the cold and dark, waiting for someone to come and break them open when his mother was ready.

His _mother._ He hated himself for thinking of her that way in his head, even now. Even as she’d stood over him and ordered his torture, he’d called her _mom._ He’d begged his _mother._

_They are more family to me than she has ever been, and I betrayed every single one of them._

He fell against the bathroom counter with a sob. _I did. I betrayed them all. I spilled every secret. I told her how to hurt them the most. What they fear the most._ Tears dripped down his nose and into the sink. _She did to me what I did to Sam, and I tore Sam apart for that. I made them wish they were dead._

He bent and took a long drink from the tap. When he stood, he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror. He was too terrified to look at himself, to look at the person who betrayed the only family Gavin had ever had. No matter what happened, no matter if he died first, died last, or took the torture for all of them, _this_ was who he was. Stormbeck monster. The past three months hadn’t changed him at all.

He turned slowly and walked back to his room. He raised his eyes and jumped at the figure standing in the center of the room.

His mother watched him with a fond smile on her face. He swallowed hard, wincing at the pain that lanced through him.

“Hello, sweetheart,” his mother said softly.

_Vera doesn’t like that word._ “Hey, mom,” he murmured.

His mother clasped her hands in front of her. “Are you feeling a little better? A little more recovered?”

A cold, simmering hate washed through him and he raised his eyes to glare at her. “You mean after you ordered my bodyguard to torture me?”

Colleen clicked her tongue. “ _Ex_ -bodyguard. He needed a job while you were off galivanting through the countryside with your merry band. I’ve found his predilections to be…” She grinned. “… _quite_ helpful.”

Gavin gritted his teeth. “Good for you.”

Colleen pressed her lips together disapprovingly. “Gavin. Honey. I didn’t come here to argue, although it seems your mind is still not quite where I’d like it to be. I thought I’d come here and help you along in finding yourself again.”

Gavin’s stomach dropped. “What… what does that _mean,_ mom…? What are you…?” His vision clouded with tears.

“Oh, nothing you haven’t done before, sweetheart. Might help jog that memory a bit, actually. Remind you of who you are.” Colleen gestured at someone in the hall. “Just a little treat. I won’t bother you for too long.”

Every nerve in Gavin’s body vibrated and _burned_ with terror as two guards walked in, dragging someone between them. Someone Gavin knew so _well,_ someone Gavin would have known in the dark. Gavin shook his head slowly, his stomach heaving, his legs nearly giving out. The man between the guards raised his head, his eyes finding Gavin immediately. Gavin fell back another step.

_“Isaac,”_ he whispered.

Colleen laughed. “Mm hm. Thought this might help.” The guards shoved Isaac to his knees.

“No no no no _no,_ ” Gavin whimpered. “Not… not _now,_ not yet…” He thought he’d have more time. More time to come up with a plan, more time to convince his mother to let them go, to do whatever she wanted to Gavin and let the others live. He couldn’t do this. Not yet.

Isaac’s eyes were wide with horror and pain, his mouth still gagged. The collar Gavin’s mother had put on him wrapped around his throat. His hands were locked behind him. There was a fresh bruise spreading across his left cheek, stretching up towards his eye. The skin was split over his cheekbone. A line of blood moved slowly down the side of Isaac’s face.

Gavin dragged in a gasp before he could stop himself. “You _hurt him,_ ” he whispered. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he stumbled forward.

“Yes, darling,” Colleen said, enunciating the words like she was dealing with a particularly slow child. “That’s why he’s here. He’s here to suffer and die for all the things he did to you.”

Gavin couldn’t look away from Isaac, despair dragging at his heart like a physical pain. _“No,”_ he whispered.

“He was a handful, getting him out of his cell,” one of the guards sneered. Isaac shot a withering glare at him. “If he’d come quietly, he’d still be perfectly intact.”

“Would _you_ have come quietly?” Gavin muttered, his voice crackling with hate. He couldn’t look away from Isaac.

“Gavin, sweetheart, enough with the sarcasm,” Colleen said with a laugh. “Let’s get you feeling more like yourself.” She waved a hand at the guards. “Chain him down to _something,_ will you? I hear he can be quite motivated when he fights.”

“Yes, ma’am.” The guards dragged Isaac a few feet to his left, and held him steady while they attached another length of chain to an anchor along the floor.

Gavin’s stomach pitched in revulsion. He hadn’t noticed the anchor when he’d been guided into the room by his mother a few hours before. “Mom,” he gasped. “Did you… have that _installed?_ ”

“Yes,” she said airily, turning on her heel. “There are a few in every room now.” She tilted her head. “Darling, we’re in for endless fun. I wanted to be able to chain up our little group in every room in the house.” She grinned.

Gavin felt like he might be sick as the guards stepped away, leaving Isaac kneeling on the carpet, the shackles on his wrists chained to the anchor on the floor. They smirked and fell back to stand along the walls.

“Gavin,” his mother cooed, holding out her hand to him. “Come here. Reclaim your name. Prove to me you’re still my son.”

Panic pulsed through Gavin’s brain. His legs shook under him and his lips trembled almost too much to talk. “I… c-can’t,” he whispered.

Colleen tsked. “Gavin, honey, of course you can. I know you had your little… _reaction_ to blood last time, but that’s in the past. This is _now,_ and _now,_ you’re better for me. Aren’t you?” She leaned in, pulling Gavin’s hand so he was forced to step closer. “Aren’t you, sweetheart? Aren’t you still my son? Or are you completely lost to me?”

Gavin’s mouth went dry. “N-no,” he whimpered. “Mom… please, just… don’t make me do this. Don’t make me hurt… _him._ Please. _Please,_ mom.”

Colleen’s eyes narrowed. “ _What_ did this man do to you to make you so damned _scared_ of him? Honey, look at him. He’s on his knees for you, chained to your fucking _floor._ He can’t hurt you anymore. Your fear is unbecoming. Now.” She shoved Gavin forward. “ _Hurt him,_ and remember who you are.” She snapped her fingers and held out her hand to the nearest guard. He pulled a knife from his belt and smoothly placed the handle in her hand. She reached out for Gavin. “Give me your hand, honey.”

Gavin couldn’t breathe. He clutched at his chest. _“No,”_ he whimpered. “No, mom… I…” He swallowed hard, unable to look away from the terror in Isaac’s eyes. The strength fluttering just underneath. Gavin’s heart ached. “I _can’t._ ”

“Hm.” Colleen spun the knife in her hand. “Then I’ll have one of them do it. Prove to you that he’s been brought low. He’s _yours,_ sweetheart. And he’ll never hurt you again.”

_“No!”_ Gavin cried, and tore his eyes away from Isaac to look at his mother. “No, mom, I… Just… Put him back, put him back, _please,_ don’t make me do this…” _I can’t hurt him. I_ can’t. _I… I promised I wouldn’t. I can’t break that promise to him now. Not now, when he’s in chains and I’m standing over him like I_ own him.

“Gavin,” his mother murmured, her voice low and deadly as she took a step towards him. “If you can’t hurt him, then I have _no fucking use for him._ If you can’t hurt him, then his only purpose is to die. If you’re telling me you truly can’t hurt him, that you are _physically incapable_ —” She scoffed. “—then tell me now. But make the decision knowing you waste a perfectly good plaything.”

_“No,”_ Gavin breathed, his eyes darting to Isaac’s again. Two tears ran down Isaac’s cheeks as he stared back at Gavin, his breath coming faster through the gag. Gavin wet his lips, shaking his head. Tears ran down his cheeks, too. “No. I can… I can hurt him. I can do it.”

“Good,” Colleen said with a sigh of relief. “I hate to waste a good plaything. Look at him. He looks like he could take your pain for _months._ But the timeline is up to you, sweetheart. When he fails to please you, he dies. No use keeping a broken toy around.”

Gavin could barely breathe through the feeling of his chest tearing open. His vision blurred with tears. Isaac stared up at him, his face a mask of terror, his throat working to swallow his sobs.

Gavin held out his hand for the knife. “I can hurt him,” he murmured, like a mantra. “I can hurt him.” His mother slid the knife into his grasp.

Gavin took one step closer to Isaac, then another. His heart was beating so hard he could feel each pulse in his fingers. Isaac’s eyes were locked on his face as he approached, steady, frightened. When Gavin stood directly in front of Isaac, he reached for the gag in Isaac’s mouth.

Isaac jerked his head away with a gasp, shaking his head. Gavin swallowed hard. _He knows,_ Gavin thought, despair running cold through his veins. _He knows if I take the gag off, he could scream something that could get him killed._

_Get_ me _killed._ Gavin licked his lips. He knew, somehow, Isaac cared about that, too.

_Is there no one he wouldn’t protect?_

Gavin’s hand trembled around the blade, his fingers squeezing so hard the joints ached. Isaac looked up steadily at him, his eyes darting between Gavin’s, trembling just as hard. Gavin wet his lips. Tried to push down the whimper that threatened in his throat.

Isaac took a deep breath, and nodded.


	54. Chapter 54

Gavin nearly came unraveled then. A tear coursed down his cheek, then another, then another. His hand tightened around the knife. He brought it, slowly, to Isaac’s throat.

Isaac’s eyes widened for a moment, holding steady on Gavin’s. Isaac’s breathing sped up as the edge of the knife kissed the skin of his throat, right over the pulse point. The place where Gavin had held the knife all those months before, when Isaac had been tied down to the table, blindfolded, weak with pain and terror. Gavin swallowed hard at the memory. _I don’t know if I would have killed him if he’d kept fighting then._ An image flashed across Gavin’s mind of Isaac, tied to the table, limp, lifeless, drained of his blood from a slash to the throat. Pain rocked through Gavin, and his hand shook.

Isaac lifted his chin just slightly, his eyes sliding shut. Gavin’s hand trembled, the blade brushing Isaac’s skin. _He’d let me kill him. Just like that, right here._ His throat was hot and tight as it closed around a whimper. _He’d let me save him from the pain, right now._ A chill poured down Gavin’s spine. _He’d trust me like that._

_Maybe I could._

Gavin’s hand moved slowly to Isaac’s hair, his fingers twisting through the strands as he gripped it tight, tilted Isaac’s head back further, pressing the knife harder against Isaac’s throat. Isaac opened his eyes, found Gavin’s. A warm rush of something bitter and powerful nearly brought Gavin to his knees.

He could have done it, if Isaac hadn’t looked at him. He could have taken Isaac’s pain. Killed him. Cut his throat, watched him bleed, fallen apart after. He could have done it, for Isaac. If Isaac hadn’t looked at him, he could have died right there, safe from Colleen. Safe from the torture.

Gavin pulled the knife away from Isaac’s throat with a low cry. He took a shuddering gasp as Isaac’s eyes stayed on his, confusion and concern creasing his brow. _I can’t do it,_ Gavin sobbed in his mind. _I can’t save Isaac, because I’m so fucking selfish, because I can’t stand to see the life leave those eyes and know that I’m the one that did it._ He fell a step back, shame and regret and _relief_ coursing through him.

_I couldn’t save him, because I’m fucking selfish._

_I don’t have to live the last of my life without him._

“Darling?” There was a hand on his elbow. “Are you alright?”

_“Yes,”_ Gavin sobbed, swiping the tears from his cheeks with his free hand. “Just, um… testing. It’s still… still hard.”

“I can see that,” Colleen said, a hint of irritation to her voice. “I thought for a moment you’d kill him… I don’t mind a bit of blood here and there, darling, but _that much blood_ would ruin the carpet and everything under it. _Really,_ Gavin. I’d think you’d know better.”

Gavin met Isaac’s gaze once more, the ache in his chest sweeping throughout his body. “I… I know, mom,” he murmured. Pain tightened in Isaac’s eyes.

“Gavin,” she sighed exasperatedly. “Get on with it, please. You’ve had three months to recover from this.” She gently took his chin in her hand and tilted his face down so she could see his eyes. “If you can no longer be a Stormbeck, if _my son_ is truly gone…”

Looking into her eyes was the polar opposite of looking into Isaac’s. In Isaac he saw warmth, strength, power. Tenderness, if he really looked hard. If he _wanted_ to see it hard enough. He saw protectiveness. He saw truth. He saw everything he wanted, everything he couldn’t have.

In his mother’s he saw… nothing. He saw a cold pit, an endless void that swallowed him whole and would spit him out when she was finished with him. As he looked into her eyes, as she promised to end his life, he saw emptiness. He saw misery.

“N-no, mom,” he mumbled. “I can do it. S-sorry.”

Her fingers tightened on his chin, a flash of hot rage flaring in her eyes before falling back into the freezing depths. “Vera murdered the wrong Stormbeck,” she hissed through her teeth, “If you can no longer be one.”

Gavin’s eyes burned with tears and he pulled his chin out of her grip. Rage boiled in him, and grief. _Vera murdered the wrong Stormbeck._ If she’d killed him, maybe this would all be over. Maybe the family would never have heard the name _Stormbeck_ again.

The rage fizzled, and fell. _This is nothing I didn’t know before._ He turned and looked at Isaac again. _This is nothing new._

As he stepped toward Isaac again, Isaac’s eyes shone with anguish. _I’m sorry,_ Gavin whispered to him in his head. _This isn’t what I want._

He met Isaac’s eyes for a moment more, and his stomach lurched with a realization. That anguish was for _him._ Isaac saw his pain, and hurt with him.

_Stop it. I can’t do this if I keep thinking like that._

Gavin dragged in a deep breath, steadying his hand around the knife. He held the blade to Isaac’s shoulder. Isaac watched him steadily. Gavin’s heart felt like it would beat its way out of his chest.

“Oh, for _fuck’s sake,_ ” Colleen snapped behind him. All the blood ran out of Gavin’s face. “For _fuck’s sake,_ ” Colleen hissed as she swept up behind Gavin. “Have you forgotten _everything_ your father and I taught you? My son left a Stormbeck and came back _broken._ ” Gavin jumped as she drew close to his side. Her hand shot between them and yanked Isaac’s head back by his hair. “You _hold him,_ so he can’t pull away. You _control_ the head. You make him _feel_ your hands on him, so he knows who owns him. _Christ._ Give me your—” Her hand locked around the wrist of Gavin’s free hand and dragged it up to Isaac’s throat, just above the collar. “You hold _here,_ ” she growled. “I’ll hold _here._ ” Her hand fisted in Isaac’s hair again.

Isaac’s eyes went wide at Gavin’s hand at his throat. Gavin’s hand nearly opened, the memory of Isaac’s throat against his palm overtaking him for a moment. _If I don’t do this, she’ll kill us both. This is how I save him now._ He forced his fingers to contract. The leather collar was rough under Gavin’s hand. Isaac looked towards the ceiling, tears shining in his eyes.

“Now _here,_ ” Colleen ground out between her teeth as she wrapped her other hand around Gavin’s, the hand holding the knife.

In spite of himself, Gavin jerked his hand back, pulling the knife away from Isaac’s shoulder. Colleen fixed him with a glare. He swallowed hard and let her guide his hand to Isaac’s shoulder.

“What use are you if I have to teach you _everything_ again?” she sneered.

Gavin glanced at Isaac. Gavin’s eyes went wide as Isaac glared at Colleen, his eyes narrowed and deadly calm. _Holy shit,_ Gavin thought. _Isaac is going to kill my mom._ His hand shook more.

Colleen’s hand tightened around his. “Let me teach you how to be _my son_ again.”

The knife pressed against Isaac’s shoulder, over the shirt he was wearing. Gavin knew there was a scar directly under the blade, from where he’d heated up his knife over a lighter and pressed the hot metal to Isaac’s skin over and over again. He still remembered the smell, and he remembered the scar from when Isaac had worn a tank top cutting wood for the house not two weeks ago. The scars down the sides of his arms had shone in the sun, dry where the rest of his skin was slick with sweat. In a sick sort of way, he’d looked beautiful like that. _I should have known then. I should have known a million moments before._

Colleen pressed the knife against Isaac’s skin, and cut.

Isaac groaned with Gavin as the knife split his skin. He jerked against Colleen’s hand in his hair, and Gavin’s hand at his throat. Gavin’s could feel the pulse speed up in Isaac’s neck. He tried to focus on that, on the _beat beat beat_ of Isaac’s pulse against his fingers. Tried desperately not to see the hot bead of blood that formed in the cut.

“Let’s get that sleeve off so we can _really_ see what we’re doing,” Colleen murmured. She released Isaac’s hair and tore along the cut they’d made, ripping through the fabric and yanking the sleeve off Isaac’s arm. The blood shone on Isaac’s skin in a garish red smear. Gavin bit down hard on his lip and tried to look away.

Colleen’s hand twisted in Isaac’s hair and jerked his head back, revealing more of Isaac’s throat. Gavin stroked his thumb gently along the pulse point, not meaning to do it but doing it all the same. Isaac shuddered at the touch, blinking rapidly and keeping his eyes fixed on the ceiling. _I wanted my hands on him,_ Gavin thought with an ache. _But never like this._

Colleen wrapped her hand around Gavin’s and brought the knife to Isaac’s shoulder again, just below the cut they’d just made. “I’ll bet your knife skills have left you as well as your mind,” she muttered bitterly. Before Gavin could react, she pressed the knife into the skin of Isaac’s shoulder.

The skin split more easily this time, red blooming just behind the blade and rolling down Isaac’s arm. Isaac gasped and whimpered around the gag, straining against Colleen’s hands. Against _Gavin’s hands._ Colleen’s eyes slid shut and she drew in a slow inhale, a smile breaking across her face.

“There,” she breathed, turning her smile on Gavin. “ _That_ is the most wonderful sound in the world. The sound of someone struggling not to scream under your knife. Tell me this doesn’t bring you back to yourself, my love.” The knife went to Isaac’s shoulder again.

Isaac squeezed his eyes shut as he was cut again, deeper than the last two times. Blood flowed from the wound, running down his arm in ribbons and dripping onto the floor. After another moment, Gavin could smell it.

He stiffened, his stomach suddenly lurching. A bone-deep terror washed over him, a horror of blood and death, teeth and torn throats and _pain_ that crashed over him in waves. His hand shook, despite the iron grip his mother held on it. He turned his head away, shoving down a sob.

His mother sighed. “Ah, yes. There it is. Yet another gift from that vicious little bitch Vera.” Her hand tightened around the knife. “Again.”

“Mom, _no,_ ” Gavin moaned, ready to dash from the room. “M-mom, _please,_ I… I _can’t_ …”

“You can,” she chided. “You’re just not trying hard enough.”

“Mom, I _am,_ I… please… Please, I’m gonna throw up…”

“Then. Throw. Up.”

Gavin’s skin prickled with sweat. “Please, mom, I don’t _want this,_ I… Mom, n-no…”

Colleen released Gavin’s hand and gestured to Isaac. “If you don’t want this anymore, just tell me and _I_ will dispose of him. No use wasting my time with this ridiculous display every time it’s time to hurt him. So can you hurt him, Gavin? Can you do what you do best, or at least _did?_ ” Her nostrils flared. “If you bled him into our carpet when I’m just going to have to throw him away—”

_“No,”_ Gavin gasped. “ _No,_ mom. You can’t kill him. He’s…” He swallowed, forced down the bile clawing up his throat. _Willed_ the room to stop spinning around him, _demanded_ that his heart slow down and stop trying to beat right out of his chest. He met Isaac’s eyes, drew upon his strength. “I… I want him. He’s _mine._ ” Gavin’s hand tightened around the knife as he turned to face his mother. He took a step towards her, angling himself to stand between her and Isaac. “ _I claim him._ Isaac Moore is _mine._ ”

A smile played at the corners of Colleen’s mouth as she surveyed Gavin, her gaze moving from his eyes, to the knife in his hand, to the way he stood protectively in front of Isaac. _Possessively,_ he knew she would see. _Defensively._

“Alright, sweetheart,” Colleen said softly, her smile deepening. “There’s my son. There’s my Gavin Stormbeck.” She leaned forward, kissed him softly over the scar on his cheek. “There’s my good boy.”

Gavin felt a flicker of the old power he’d held, the control, the ownership of every room he walked into. His lip curled, and he stared her down. “You don’t get to take him from me,” he growled under his breath. “You don’t get to take away my p-plaything.” His voice faltered, at the last moment. He swallowed and drew himself up to his full height, spread his arms in front of Isaac, the knife in his hand still dripping blood. Posturing. Baring his teeth at the wolf who’d come to take what was his. This is all the syndicate world was, and he’d forgotten that for a moment.

“I won’t try to take him,” Colleen said softly, her eyes sparkling with tears. Her smile grew radiant.

“You _can’t,_ ” Gavin spat through his teeth.

Colleen nodded. “Alright, sweetheart. I’m sorry I brought it up.” Smugness pulled at the corners of her mouth.

Gavin turned back to Isaac, scarcely daring to look at the expression he’d see in Isaac’s eyes. Terror? Hatred? Submission? He wet his lips, preparing himself for fear. Preparing himself to lose Isaac all over again.

Instead, Isaac was looking up at Gavin with naked awe and gratitude. Gavin blinked, his chest too tight to breathe for a moment. His stomach roiled and heaved still at the smell of Isaac’s blood. Everything in him was _screaming_ at him that he needed to run from the room, or a monster would get him, a monster with dark eyes and sharp teeth that would tear out his throat and feast on his flesh. He fiercely shoved it all down. Forced down his own terror, at the sight of Isaac’s eyes shining into his. His throat tightened and he gasped.

_I still have to hurt him. Claimed or not, she won’t let him leave this room alive if I don’t hurt him._

He breathed slowly through his mouth, praying it would dilute the smell of Isaac’s blood. It helped, a little. His head didn’t spin so much. He didn’t feel like he would vomit all over the carpet from the smell and the fear. He could do this. He could do it, to save Isaac’s life.

Gently, hesitantly, Gavin brought his hand to Isaac’s hair. For a moment Isaac’s eyes slid shut at the touch, and Gavin’s heart lurched uncomfortably. He tightened his hand into a fist and jerked Isaac’s head back. Isaac grunted, his eyes betraying his pain for a moment, his fear. He looked up at Gavin, and nodded once against the hold on his hair.

Gavin’s fingers adjusted around the handle of the knife. He brought it slowly to Isaac’s shoulder, just below the lines he’d already made. He grit his teeth and dragged the blade across Isaac’s skin.

Isaac gasped and whined softly through the gag, his eyes squeezing shut against the pain. Gavin’s eyes clouded with tears as he pulled the knife away. He wished his could disappear into the floor, fall through the lower levels of the house, keep falling until he reached hell. Where he belonged.

He cut Isaac again. And again. And again. Down the side of one arm, then the other. Until Isaac was panting from the pain, sweating through his shirt. Until blood pooled in small puddles beneath him. Gavin cut Isaac until his mouth fell open around the gag and he screamed.

Colleen clapped her hands once. “Gavin,” she purred. “My son. You’ve come back to me. You’ve come back to me at last.” She made a sign at the guards along the wall. “He’s finished here. Take that back to his cell.” She jerked her chin at Isaac.

She turned to Gavin, gently took his face in her hands as the guards unchained Isaac from the floor and dragged him from the room. “Gavin, sweetie. You must be just _starving._ Get yourself cleaned up, then join me downstairs for dinner. I had your favorite prepared.” She turned with a toss of her head and left the room.

Gavin felt numb in every inch of his body. There was an ache in his chest that threatened to crush him as he stood in the middle of his bedroom, trembling. He looked down at the knife, at his hands. They were stained with Isaac’s blood.


	55. Branding

The guards dragged Isaac through the hall, turning left and right, in an almost dizzying path back to his cell. Weakly, he pulled against their hands. Tried to break their hold on him. Their hands only tightened around his arms, and he whimpered at the pressure on the cuts.

His mind swirled with terror, and relief. Terror, at what was coming next for him once he was returned to the cell. Relief, that Gavin didn’t look like he’d been hurt again after the family had been dragged from the room. _Doesn’t matter. She’s going to torture him eventually. Even if that just means forcing him to torture me._

Isaac’s head spun at the thought. Six months ago, Gavin would have given anything to have Isaac chained up in his basement. Isaac knew that Gavin spent his recovery dreaming about what he would do to Isaac once Gavin caught him again. He _knew_ there was a time when Isaac’s blood and pain was the thing Gavin wanted most.

Now? Gavin had taken torture from his own mother, just to hold on to Isaac’s secrets. To lie, so well that Leo could never contradict it. Isaac’s worst fear _was_ drowning. Leo couldn’t say a damned thing about that, he’d seen it with his own eyes. There would be no reason for Leo to think Gavin wasn’t telling the truth. He _was._ About everything.

And he was leaving all the most important things out.

The guards turned another corner and stopped in front of the door leading to the cells. Isaac drew in a deep breath, pushed it down. Pulled against the cuffs around his wrists, testing to see how far he’d have to twist his shoulders to do what he planned to do. His eyes followed the guard’s hand as he reached for the ring of keys on his belt, watched the guard pull the keys away on a retractable lanyard. Watched as the guard unlocked the door. Watched as the keys returned to the guard’s hip.

Isaac slammed his foot down onto one of the guards’ insteps, and threw his shoulder against the other. One guard grunted, clutching his foot, as the other staggered back a step. Isaac threw his weight against the guard hopping on one foot, sending them both crashing to the floor. He crouched over the downed guard, fumbling at the man’s sidearm with his hands locked behind him. He jerked it out of its holster. He twisted his arms so he could see where he was shooting and fired two rounds into the man. He spun, his finger on the trigger, his wrists straining against the shackles, ready to kill the other guard.

The man bowled Isaac over and slammed him into the floor. Isaac’s breath rushed out of his chest as the man landed on top of him. He strained to reach his hands around his back to shoot the guard, his hands slippery with the blood dripping from the cuts on his arms. The man struck the gun from Isaac’s hands and threw the gun down the hall. Over the pounding of his heart, Isaac could hear the rush on incoming footsteps. He screamed in frustration.

The guard stood and kicked Isaac onto his back, planting a boot on Isaac’s stomach and pressing down. He drew his gun from his holster and pointed it at Isaac’s head. His finger moved over the trigger.

_“Stand down, Simmons!”_ another guard shouted as he rounded the corner with a group of other guards. Isaac roared through his gag at the man pinning him down.

_“Fuck you,”_ the guard spat, swiping at sweat as it ran into his eyes. “He just killed _another_ one. Between him and the fucking muzzled one that’s five in four hours.”

“So they’re good at what they do,” the other man said as he reached the guard’s side. “We’re under strict orders not to kill them.”

“ _Fuck_ your orders,” the guard pinning Isaac down ground out between his teeth. “We’ve _never_ had to defend against civilians like this. I’m not gonna stand around and wait for them to just pick us off.”

“Then stop treating him like a fucking civilian and start treating him like the threat he is,” the man snapped. The guard holding the gun on Isaac didn’t move. “Simmons,” the other man said calmly, “Look at him. He’s fucking chained up on his back. He can’t do a goddamned thing to us right now. I agree we need to up our security, probably keep him fully shackled and blindfolded when we take him out, but we _can’t_ kill this one. Ms. Stormbeck has plans for him.”

_“Fuck her plans,”_ the guard sneered. “This motherfucker dies.”

_“Stand down,”_ the man barked. The guard pinning Isaac down jumped. His hands shook on the gun. He grit his teeth. After a moment, he took a step back and lowered his gun.

“Yes, Sergeant,” the guard muttered.

Isaac let out the breath he’d been holding.

The sergeant pointed at two of his men. “You. Get him up. Put him back, get the medic with him. You—” He pointed at another two. “—carry Josher.” He blew out a breath through his nose, his eyes darkening with bitter fury as he looked at Isaac. “I’ve got another fucking family to notify.”

Two men stepped forward and dragged Isaac to his knees. His hands tightened into fists as he glared at the guards, sizing them up, calculating. _If I had my hands I might be able to take all of them. But like this…_

One of the guards jerked Isaac’s arm. He looked young. Maybe twenty. “Are y-you gonna give us any trouble?” he said in a wavering voice.

“Let’s not give him the option,” the other growled, and kicked Isaac hard in the stomach.

Isaac doubled over with a cry, stomach heaving. He gasped around the gag, tears streaming down his face. He was vaguely aware the men had grabbed him and were half-carrying him into the hall to be put back into his cell. One of them unlocked the cell door and they dragged Isaac in. The man that had held a gun on him was right behind.

Isaac gagged against the crushing ache in his stomach, sweat prickling on his skin. He felt his wrists being unlocked from the cuffs, and being brought around to the front to be locked again to the shackles in the cell. He groaned as they shoved him down against the floor of the cell. He looked up as Sam lunged forward, the chains pulling tight around their wrists.

“What did you _do to him?!_ ” they screamed at the guards as they walked out. Furious tears shimmered on their face. “What did you _do?!_ ”

The guard that held a gun on Isaac kicked Sam onto their side. Isaac groaned, then screamed through the gag as the man shoved the barrel of his gun against the side of Sam’s head. Isaac threw himself against the shackles, stomach still heaving. Tears streamed down his face.

_“You kill another of my guys,”_ the man hissed at Isaac, _“I kill this one.”_ He jerked Sam’s head back by their hair and ground the barrel of the gun into their temple.

“Isaac…” Sam whimpered.

“You think this is fucking _funny?_ ” the guard spat through his teeth. “You think you can just kill whoever the fuck you want, without consequences?” He twisted Sam’s head with a vicious jerk and forced them to look at Isaac. “Colleen is gonna tear you apart for whatever the fuck you’ve done to her. But _me?_ ” He yanked Sam’s head back and they cried out. “I’m gonna fucking _shoot this one in the head_ if you even try to kill another one of us.”

One of the guards snorted, standing in the doorway of the cell. The other disappeared for a moment and appeared again a few seconds later, dragging a kicking and screaming Finn. They threw Finn bodily into the cell, and they hit the floor hard. The guards stepped quickly out of the cell. They tossed in a medical bag and closed the door.

Finn staggered to their feet, crashing against the bars as the guards closed the door to the hall. _“WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ELLIS?”_ they screamed. _“WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?”_ They slumped against the bars, sobbing. Their wrists were connected with cuffs and a long length of chain. They were restrained by nothing else.

“Isaac,” Sam whimpered, painfully pushing themselves upright, their eyes wide in the dim light of the cell. “Isaac, are you… _bleeding_ …?”

Finn stirred and pressed their face into their hands. “Ellis…” they sobbed. _“No…”_

“What happened?” came Tori’s frightened voice. “Is he… Is he alright?”

Isaac wearily dragged the gag out of his mouth. “I’m fine, Tori,” he croaked. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t _look_ fine,” Sam said, their gaze moving over Isaac, lingering on the blood staining his arms. “Isaac, please… What did they _do?_ ”

Finn turned and looked at Isaac for the first time. They gasped and stumbled to his side. “Isaac,” they breathed. “Are you…?”

“It was just a knife,” Isaac panted through the pain in his stomach. “It was—”

“Was he shot?” called Tori with a sob. “We heard gunshots. Was he—”

“I’m not shot, Tori,” Isaac said heavily, sweat burning his eyes. “It was just a knife. She had Gavin cut me.”

“No no no no _no,_ ” Sam whimpered. “She… did she… did she hurt Gavin?”

“No.” Isaac hissed in a breath as Finn turned his arm over, carefully inspecting the cuts. “She th-threatened to kill me if he didn’t do it. Didn’t want to keep me around if he was too broken to hurt his favorite toy.”

Finn paused as they reached for the medical bag the guards had thrown in. They stared at Isaac in horror. _“What?”_ they gasped.

Two tears rolled down Isaac’s face. “She’s gonna keep forcing him to hurt me. I think if he refuses, she’ll kill him.”

_“No,”_ Sam whimpered. “She… she’s hurting you _both_ …”

“I know he doesn’t want to,” Isaac whispered. He didn’t trust his voice not to break. “I know he… it fucking _killed him_ to do it. But he, um… he claimed me.”

Finn flinched.

“It’s okay,” Isaac said softly. “I’m safer belonging to him than I am belonging to her.”

“You don’t belong to him, Isaac,” Sam said, a sharper edge to their voice. “You have to know he’s lying, right? He’s lying to her. Just like he lied to her before. For… for us.”

Isaac winced as Finn gently cleaned the cuts with antiseptic. “I know that,” he whispered, and squeezed his eyes shut. “And if she ever finds out, she’s gonna kill him.”

“She _can’t_ kill him,” Sam whimpered. “She… she _can’t_.”

“She will,” Isaac murmured, and hissed through his teeth.

“Sorry,” Finn muttered. They pressed a square of gauze to the cuts and tore a piece of tape with their teeth.

“Don’t,” Isaac said gently. “Don’t waste that on me. I’m okay, really. It’s not that bad.”

“I can’t have this get infected, Isaac,” Finn said, tears in their eyes. “They’ll get me more. It’s okay. This is my… um… job now.”

_“What?”_ Isaac gasped. He searched their face. “Your _job?_ To patch us up after…?” Isaac swallowed the bile that rose in his throat at the unspoken words that followed.

“Um.” Finn sniffed and wiped their nose. “Yeah. While you were… g-gone, they uh… came in here and… um… told me…” Finn swallowed hard and scrubbed their face with their sleeve. “They said my job is to, um… make sure you don’t d-die from what they’re going to do to you. That if you die, it’ll be, um, my fault. And they’ll get me anything I need.”

“Finn, _no,_ ” Isaac said, his voice trembling with intensity. “You _know_ that’s not… You _know_ that… if one of us dies, then…” Isaac’s throat tightened around a sob. Finn stared at the floor. “You _know_ that won’t be your fault, right? If one of us d-dies, it’ll be _them,_ not you. You know that, right? Hey—” Isaac ducked into their field of vision, the chains rattling as he moved. “Finn. You know that won’t be your fault, right?”

“So you think they’re going to kill you,” Finn sobbed. Tears cascaded down their face. “It’s true, then. You don’t think you’re going to escape. You don’t think you’re going to survive.”

“Hey, who is ‘you’?” Isaac said darkly. “If I can get us out, _we_ are getting out. _All_ of us. What’s with this ‘you’? If there’s a way, you’re getting out with us. Is this because of Ellis?”

Finn shot a glance at Sam, and stared at the floor. Isaac followed the look. “Hey,” he said softly. “What’s going on? If we get out, you’re coming with us. I… I _can’t_ let her kill all of you.”

“I’m not w-worried about myself,” Finn said miserably.

“I _am_.” Isaac licked his lips. “Finn, what’s going on? What happened?”

“Nothing,” Finn whispered, and went to clean up their supplies.

“Finn… Hey, _Finn_ —” Isaac reached out and grabbed their arm. Finn cried out and jerked their arm away, trembling with agony. Isaac watched them with wide eyes, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Finn,” Isaac breathed. “What did they… _do_ …?”

Finn shuddered and pulled the sleeve of their shirt up past their forearm. A white square of gauze was taped to the inside of their forearm, just below the elbow. Finn stared down at it with revulsion and terror in their eyes.

_“Finn,”_ Isaac whispered. “What—”

Finn peeled back the tape, hissing through their teeth as the gauze came away. They revealed a circle of red, oozing skin, about the size of a robin’s egg, perfectly round. Isaac squinted at the pattern in the middle, not comprehending what he was seeing.

Finn tilted their arm so the light from the doorway caught on the wound. All at once, the smell of burnt flesh washed over Isaac, and he gagged. It was the same smell he woke up choking on when he had nightmares about Gavin burning him with his knife. Isaac could make out the design in the perfect circle of red on Finn’s skin: a stylized raven’s head, surrounded on both sides by vines that wound around the circumference of the design. The Stormbeck family crest.

Rage rose in his chest, dark and agonizing, searing him from the inside out. He lifted his gaze to Finn, his hands shaking with a fury that physically hurt to contain. His eyes burned with tears and his jaw clenched so hard his teeth ached.

“They _branded you?_ ”

Finn sobbed, slumping forward as they cradled their arm in their lap. They pressed their lips together, tears rolling down their cheeks and into the fabric of their pants. They gasped in a shaking breath, then another. They opened their mouth to speak. Their lips trembled, their voice cracking with their tears.

“They needed a medic.”


	56. I have your loved one

Vera had been thirsty before, but never like this. Even when Joseph had gagged her, even when he’d beaten her for hours without any reprieve, and without any water, she’d been able to take it. Her thirst had been secondary, a sensation that sat in the corner of her mind as the rest of her was overwhelmed, brutalized by whatever Joseph was doing. The whipping, the rapes, the knives that cut into her skin, _they_ were the torture she’d fought through. Thirst was just a small thing, a visitor that sat on her shoulder while she was destroyed, bit by bit.

This was different, though. Her thirst was everything she felt.

_Tori hasn’t gotten water, either._ Vera grit her teeth behind the muzzle, kept her eyes fixed on Tori where she sat across the cell, chained to the wall just like she was. Kept her eyes fixed on Tori’s face, on her eyes, red with tears and wide with terror. Tori stared back, her gaze never wavering.

_I need to look at her for as long as I can. I need to look at her, while she’s still here._

_While she’s still alive._

Vera’s eyes slid shut, sending tears streaming down her cheeks. Slipping behind the leather of the muzzle. Wetting her lips.

Vera knew they were going to die. She’d known it as soon as Colleen had threatened Gavin’s life. _“I’d never let you die without you remembering who you are.”_ Colleen might as well have held the gun to Gavin’s head herself. Gavin was going to die. He was going to die as soon as Colleen broke him, made him a _Stormbeck_ again. Vera knew the rest of them would all be dead long before that happened.

She wasn’t sure when she’d let Gavin in so thoroughly. She wasn’t sure when it started, the thought of his death striking her with a despair that tore at her chest. The when didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Gavin was part of the family now. Gavin was _hers,_ hers to protect. And she’d failed her family.

_I could have fought harder. I could have killed more of them._ She’d killed two when they’d been taken: one had crumpled to the ground with a crushed throat when he’d grabbed Vera, and the other had seized once and then stopped breathing when Vera kicked his head into a wall. He’d put his hands on Tori. He’d _died_ for it.

_Now I’m in this fucking cell, chained to a fucking wall, with this fucking thing on my face. I can’t protect her at all. Those deaths are meaningless, because I failed in the end._

_I failed all of them._

Isaac lay silent in the cell next to them, bleeding through his bandages where Gavin had sliced him open over and over hours ago. Finn had only had ten minutes to treat him, then they’d been dragged out, too. Shoved into the cell on Vera’s other side. She could still hear them crying.

_This can’t be the end. I didn’t kill Joseph fucking Stormbeck to have his nightmare-fuel wife take us and kill us. I didn’t fucking survive him, and Gavin, and the bounty hunters, and Daniel fucking Schiester to wind up here. I’m going to get us out. I’m going to kill all of them._

But with what? Colleen had chained and muzzled her. Like a _dog._ Shoved into a cell to wait for whatever the fuck Colleen planned to do with them.

Whatever it was, whatever happened, Vera _couldn’t_ go away again. She had to stay, for Tori. She had to stay so she could take it. Protect Tori. Protect her family. Find a way out.

As if they’d read her mind, the door to the hallway opened.

Vera sat up, turning her ear towards the cell door. _They can’t be back for Isaac again. They already hurt him. They can’t, they can’t, they CAN’T FUCKING HURT HIM AGAIN._ Three sets of footsteps. The rustle of tactical pants and Kevlar vests.

They passed by Isaac’s cell and stopped at the door of hers and Tori’s. Vera’s hands curled into fists and she pushed herself into a crouch, coiling her body tightly, ready to tear them apart if they gave her an inch.

She froze. _One of them threatened to kill Sam if Isaac killed another one. I’ve killed_ three. _Would they kill Tori if I did it again?_ She turned her gaze to Tori, saw the terror in Tori’s eyes. Her muscles locked against her, and she couldn’t move. _Can’t let them kill Tori._ While she was still frozen, still torn apart by warring needs, the guards opened the cell and stepped inside.

One of the guards grabbed Tori’s hair and shoved her onto her stomach against the floor. Vera screamed through the muzzle, yanking uselessly against the chains. Tori whimpered, biting on her lips to keep from crying out.

“Tori?” Isaac’s voice called out, tense, ready to break. “Vera? What are they doing? Are you okay?”

“Hey, what are you doing?” Finn shouted from the other cell. “What are you _doing?_ ”

Tori heaved a dry sob against the floor. “They… Isaac, they… no no no no no…”

Vera heard Isaac throw himself against the chains. _“Leave them alone!”_ he screamed. _“Leave them alone, don’t FUCKING TOUCH THEM. Take…”_ His voice cracked. “Take me, please, don’t… don’t _hurt them…_ ”

Vera opened her mouth to call to Isaac, to tell him it was okay. To tell him she was alright, she’d take it, she’d protect Tori. The bridge of her nose and the corners of her jaw strained against the muzzle, and it rubbed painfully against her skin. _I can’t protect Tori._ The thought threatened to crush her.

“We’re okay, Isaac,” Tori sobbed. “We… Isaac, _please_ …”

A helpless scream of frustration erupted from Isaac’s cell.

The other two guards approached Vera slowly. Warily. Watching her as closely as she was watching them, her lips pulling back over her teeth behind the muzzle. Without thinking about it, she moved into a crouch again.

“Stop,” one of the guards snapped as he fell back a step. Vera couldn’t help the smirk that pulled at her lips. _I’m chained to the fucking wall and he’s still scared of me._

“S-stop,” he said again, his voice failing. “Don’t…” He turned to look at Tori. The other guard had unchained her from the wall and was forcing her hands behind her back, locking her wrists into cuffs. “Look at her. If you… If you try _anything,_ we kill her. Got it? So don’t… don’t _move._ ”

Vera swallowed hard, her eyes flicking between Tori where she lay pinned on the ground, and the two guards standing over her. _They’ve got my number. They’ve got my_ fucking _number._ She trembled, every instinct in her telling her to _tear their throats out_ if they came a step closer. She looked at Tori again where she lay with her hands locked behind her, her face pressed against the floor. She looked up at the guards. She nodded slowly.

They both seemed to let out a breath. Heat flooded through her veins, the vicious burn of momentary joy that they were _so afraid of her._ She shivered. Forced her muscles to relax.

“Turn around and face the wall,” the other one said. “On your knees. Do it now.”

Slowly, she turned, maneuvering herself onto her knees, her hands in her lap. She heard a guard approach her on either side. She shuddered, holding down every furious spark that shot through her limbs, forcing herself with everything in her to hold still. Let them touch her. Let them do what they wanted.

A hand closed around one wrist and quickly unlocked the shackle chaining her to the wall. Her arm was forced behind her back, and a cuff snapped around her wrist. Then, just as quickly, her other arm was unchained from the wall and yanked behind her back, cuffed behind her. The two guards grabbed her arms and pulled up.

“Stand,” one of them ordered. She carefully got to her feet, trembling with the need to fight, to _kill._

_Not when they have Tori._

The guards turned with her, and the one pinning down Tori dragged her up by her hair. Vera shook with rage, staring down the guard that was hurting Tori. _I’m going to kill that one. I’m going to kill every single one of these fuckers._

The guards walked Tori and Vera out of their cells, and paused again just outside the door. A pile of chains and shackles sat on the floor. Vera ground her teeth together.

“Not letting your crazy ass kill another one of my men,” one of them muttered into Vera’s ear. “So every time you leave this cell, you leave in these.” He grabbed the shackles and crouched at Vera’s side.

Vera’s vision went red. _I can kill him I can kick him crush his skull I can tear the other two apart I’ll get free I’ll kill them all I’m going to rip them to pieces for hurting Tori…_

The guard yanked Tori’s head back, forced Tori to look at Vera. Vera froze. She felt a hand on her ankle. Shuddered. Squeezed her eyes shut.

The guard snapped one shackle around Vera’s ankle, then the other. He reached up and clipped the chain to Vera’s handcuffs. Vera lifted her arms behind her, testing. There was almost no slack. She would not be able to fight. Not like this. Not a chance in hell.

“And…” The guard pulled a black bag out of his pocket and yanked it over Vera’s head.

Vera panicked, the bag clinging to her face for a moment, blotting out her sight. She was suffocating. She was going to die. She was choking, she was disappearing into a man’s trunk again, she was being taken, she was going to die…

She dug her fingernails into her palms. _I’ve already been taken. I can’t slip away now._

She felt a hand on each elbow that pushed her forward. She began to move.

“Vera,” Isaac called through the bars of his cell. “It’s gonna be okay, Tori, it’s okay, just… just _breathe_ …”

“I love you, Vera,” Sam whimpered. “I love you, Tori. You’re gonna be _okay_ …” Their voice cracked.

“I’m gonna take care of you, Tori, Vera,” Finn shouted from their cell. “It’s okay. You’ll come back to me and I… I’ll take care of you.”

The guards forced Vera and Tori through the doorway and slammed the door shut behind them.

“Vera,” Tori said, the word almost a breath. “Vera. It’s gonna be, it’s, it’s gonna be o-okay, they…” Tori cleared her throat. “They’re taking us down the hall, they… Vera, I…” A whimper.

Vera shuddered and nearly cried out in an unbearable _rage_ that swept through her. They were hurting Tori. Tori was trying to be so fucking brave for her, and they were _hurting Tori._ The hands on her arms tightened.

“Don’t fucking try anything,” one of them ordered, with a tremulous voice. Her bones were going to tear themselves from her flesh if she didn’t move, if she didn’t _do something._ _Attack vital areas go for the throat the eyes the groin the solar plexus strike to kill use every available weapon damage the brain damage the arteries tear their FUCKING HEARTS OUT._

She yanked against the cuffs and stumbled forward. She was going to fall.

Hands jerked her upright again. “Try anything, a single fucking thing, and she dies and I have to explain to Ms. Stormbeck why I got blood on her carpet.”

Vera locked her jaw and screamed through her teeth, her wrists tearing against the cuffs. She forced out a breath. Dragged one in. Forced it out again. _KILL THEM CAN’T LET TORI DIE KILL THEM CAN’T LET TORI DIE._

_KILL THEM._

_CAN’T LET TORI DIE._

Tori won.

A sob rocked through Vera, and she shuddered. She drifted forward, in the direction the hands had been pushing her. Nodding her head, over and over and over. _If I kill them, they kill Tori. I can’t let them kill Tori._

They started moving again. It was slow going, with Vera’s feet chained together, her hands locked behind her, almost completely blind. Little light came through the hood. She could made out some shapes. Light and dark. Nothing else. Nothing more.

They turned a corner, then another. Stopped in the middle of the hall. Opened a door. Walked slowly in.

From the sounds, Vera could tell they were in a room now, not a hallway. _This is where they’re going to torture us. Just like Isaac._ A tear coursed down her cheek.

She was guided forward, then forced quickly to her knees. There was the unmistakable clinking of another chain, then a tug on Vera’s handcuffs. A click. The guard stepped away.

Vera pulled experimentally on her cuffs. Her hands jerked to a stop. She bit her lip, her hands wrapping around the new chain. _Chained to the floor._

The bag was ripped away from her face.

She looked around, taking as much in as she could. Room. Large. Guards along the walls. At least five.

Colleen Stormbeck.

Tori.

Vera raised her gaze to the woman standing in front of her, wearing a dress, now, instead of a blouse and pants. Looking pristine. Immaculate. As if she hadn’t just hours ago ordered the torture of her own son, and forced her son to torture Vera’s best friend. As if she wasn’t a _creature_ in human form. As if she wasn’t more evil than her sadist, rapist husband.

Vera shuddered.

“Hello, Vera,” Colleen said softly, a smile playing across her lips as her gaze moved over Vera’s face. “Enjoying your muzzle?”

Vera couldn’t contain the growl that ripped through her throat.

Colleen laughed. “Oh. So fearsome. It’s adorable.” Colleen’s gaze shifted to Tori. “And your little paramour. So glad to see you’ve found someone to _fuck_ you after my husband ruined you so completely.”

_“Fuck you,”_ Tori whispered, leaning forward. Chained to the floor, too. “ _Fuck you,_ you miserable _bitch,_ you sadistic fucking _monster,_ we’re going to _kill you_ and send you to whatever fucking hell your _husband_ is burning in, you _piece of shit,_ you—”

“Gag her, please,” came the order. A guard stepped forward and pulled the gag hanging around Tori’s neck back into her mouth, tightening the knot. Tori mumbled through the gag, throwing curses and bile at Colleen, her words caught but her _hatred_ shivering in every limb.

“My god,” Colleen laughed. “I may have muzzled the wrong plaything.” Colleen glanced at her guards. “Next time you bring _any_ of them to me, they will be gagged.”

“Yes, ma’am,” came the muttered chorus.

Colleen drew in a deep breath, let it out in a sigh. Once again, she turned her attention to Vera. “My husband never muzzled you, did he?” she said, her voice like silk.

Vera longed to claw Colleen’s eyes out of her head, to tear through her jugular, to break and break and _break her_ until she was no longer breathing. She forced down her rage. She shook her head.

“Mm,” Colleen crooned. “He wanted you to be _obedient._ To be _silent,_ but by your own effort, your own will. That was your first rule, wasn’t it? _Never speak without permission._ ”

Vera’s body locked in a panic at the words coming out of Colleen’s mouth. _No. No no no no she can’t know my rules, she can’t make me follow them again, no, NO, I’ll slip away, I, I can’t do this, no no no NO NO NO…_

Colleen smirked. “So you _do_ still remember them. I was worried you’d forgotten, after you _remade_ yourself in the image of a human being. As if you’re still a _person_. As if you’ve ever been anything but a _plaything._ ”

Vera sagged forward, her breaths coming heavy, dampening the muzzle. _No. No. I’d rather die. I’d rather fucking die. I can’t stay._

“Do you remember all your rules, Vera?” Colleen’s hand snaked under Vera’s chin, tilted it up. “Oh, it is _such_ a relief to be around you without worrying about those _teeth._ I’m sure you think you’re quite the little assassin. But really, you’re just a rabid dog that needs to be _muzzled._ ”

_I could break her fucking nose._

_Can’t let them kill Tori._

Vera swallowed her hate, pushed it down into that place inside her where all the pain went. Where all the pain was kept, and if she got too close, she would be destroyed.

Colleen sighed and released Vera’s face. “Unfortunate, what my husband did. Not breaking you, of course. That must have been _glorious._ But he failed to kill that spark in you. He beat you down, but didn’t _obliterate_ you.”

_No. No. I can’t go away again._

Colleen looked to Tori. “But breaking you all over again wouldn’t be fun. Your little girlfriend, on the other hand…” Colleen’s mouth twisted into a vicious grin. “…your hot little fuck when you want it, now _that_ I can break.”

Vera threw herself against the chains, screamed her terror, her fury. _CAN’T LET THEM BREAK TORI. CAN’T LET THEM BREAK HER. I’VE BEEN BROKEN, BREAK ME AGAIN. DON’T FUCKING HURT HER._

Tori looked to Vera, sobbing, trembling. She mumbled through her gag, begging them not to hurt Vera… or begging Vera not to fight them. Maybe begging Vera to let it happen. She didn’t know. She didn’t care.

“And now that I have her, now I know that being _collared_ is what broke your little paramour…” Colleen gestured to the guards behind her. “I know _just_ what to do.”

Vera screamed, straining against the chains, feeling the skin tear against the cuffs but _not caring._ They _couldn’t_ break Tori. They couldn’t hurt her. They couldn’t do to her what had been done to Vera. She’d rather die. She’d rather kill Tori herself, than watch her break and crumble and then take a bullet to the head when Colleen was done with her. She’d rather take away Tori’s pain right now. She’d rather take that agony on, than watch Tori become a _plaything._

Colleen leaned forward and unbuckled the collar from around Tori’s neck. Tori gasped in shock, in confusion, looking to Vera and back to Colleen. Vera’s eyes widened as the guard appeared over Tori’s shoulder, holding something. Vera’s stomach heaved.

It was another collar, _heavier,_ a thick black band that weighed down on Colleen’s palm. She grinned as she locked it around Tori’s throat, looking carefully into Tori’s eyes as she sobbed. A flush moved over Colleen’s face. Vera felt hate burning through her veins like poison. If only it could kill them both.

Colleen held her hand out to the guard once more, and he passed her a small black rectangle. A _remote._

Colleen grasped Tori’s hair and pulled her head back, tilting it left and right, as she admired the collar. Vera watched, unable to move, unable to _breathe._ Colleen let Tori’s head drop.

“You know what this is, I’m assuming?” she asked coyly, passing the remote in front of Tori’s face. Tori nodded. Colleen grinned. “Good. Then I’m going to give you an opportunity, _Tori,_ ” Colleen spat. “Look over at the creature who killed my husband. Go on. Look.”

Tori turned her head and met Vera’s gaze, tears pouring down her face. She trembled and heaved a sob.

“You want that muzzle off her, right? You want her to be able to speak? Drink water?” Colleen snorted. “Brush her teeth?”

Tori nodded again, quivering in every limb.

“Good. Then I’m giving you an opportunity. I suggest you take it.” Tori returned her gaze to Colleen, terror in every line of her body. Tori nodded. Her hands tightened into fists behind her.

Colleen grinned. “If you can be good for me, I’ll let you take the muzzle off Vera,” she crooned. Colleen’s fingers slid through Tori’s hair, almost gently. Colleen slowly made a fist in Tori’s hair and tilted her head back further, revealing more of her neck. “Can you be good for me?” Colleen whispered.

Tori whimpered, and nodded against Colleen’s grasp.


	57. Shock Collar

The smile that spread across Colleen’s face was devoid of anything but vindictive, triumphant _joy._ Vera yanked against the cuffs, the skin of her wrists open and bleeding now. She adjusted her hands and tested the cuffs again. _Too narrow to fit my hand through even if I dislocated my thumb._ Sweat prickled on her skin, under her clothes. She shivered and pulled again.

She didn’t know what she was hoping for, maybe for the anchor to tear out of the floor, or for a bone to break so she could tear her hand from her wrist and get free that way. She was thinking of nothing. Nothing but Tori, with that fucking collar around her neck and the remote in Colleen’s hand, chained to the floor right beside her and Vera being _helpless_ to do a goddamned thing about it.

“Tori,” Colleen said softly, her voice dripping poison. “Here’s how you can be good for me. Here’s how you can earn freeing Vera from the muzzle. Are you listening?”

Tori nodded miserably, her sobs muffled by the gag.

“Good. I’m going to take this out of your mouth now. Are you going to behave? Are you going to start being bad again?”

Tori shook her head, cringing away as Colleen reached for the gag in her mouth.

Colleen grinned. “This one’s a little more skittish, huh?” Colleen drew one finger down the side of Tori’s face. “You’re not used to this, are you?” She paused a moment, and Tori shook her head again. Colleen tsked. “Oh, sweetheart. You had no idea what you were getting into, did you? You had no idea what she was bringing to your doorstep, did you?”

Tori turned her head to look at Vera, her eyes wide, slightly unfocused and wild with terror. Vera swallowed behind the muzzle. _She’s right. This is all my fault. I brought this to her doorstep. I’m the one with the demons behind me, I’m the one who was fucking_ broken _and couldn’t leave her the hell alone. She should never have met me. I should never have fallen for her._

“Look at me, sweetheart,” Colleen crooned. “Just look at me for a little bit.” She eased the gag out of Tori’s mouth. “There. That’s better. Now— Tori, you still with me?”

Tori rocked forward, her mouth pulling wide as she wailed, the sound tearing apart the room. “I’m sorry, Vera,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry, I’m so _sorry,_ I… no matter what I do or, or _say,_ you know I love you, I don’t regret meeting you, I don’t—”

 _“Quiet,”_ Colleen snapped. Tori slowly closed her mouth, whimpering high in her throat. Colleen ran a hand through her hair and heaved a sigh. “Christ, you’re going to be a handful. Tori, listen to me. I need you to listen.”

Tori raised her eyes to Colleen’s, shivering, tears rolling down her cheeks. She nodded slowly. “I’m l-listening.”

Colleen smiled gently. “Good. Here’s how you’re going to earn getting that muzzle off Vera. Do you know Vera’s rules?”

Tori shuddered and slumped forward with a sob.

_Of course she knows them. She’s heard me recite them so many times, she must know them as well as I do at this point._

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Colleen sneered. She eased Tori’s face up again with a hand on her collar. “Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to recite the rules for me. There are just five, not too many. And after you say each one, I’m going to use this…” She held up the remote in her hand. “…to test you. To see how well you already know them, and to see how _badly_ you want to be good for me. If you can make it through all of them, I’ll let you remove Vera’s muzzle. Do you understand?”

Tori was sobbing so hard she couldn’t speak. She rocked forward and back, keening miserably, gasping around the collar and around her terror. Tears poured down her cheeks, wetting her shirt, wetting the tops of her pants. She opened her mouth to speak and a twisted sob came out.

“Hm.” Colleen’s smile widened. “I guess we’re going to have to start out with this, then.” She pressed a button on the remote in her hand.

Tori immediately spasmed and shrieked as the collar activated. She strained against the cuffs, her breath punching out of her chest. Vera screamed as Tori shuddered and writhed under the shock.

Colleen released the button and Tori slumped, her wrists pulling against the cuffs as she pitched forward towards the carpet. Colleen shot a triumphant grin at Vera and nudged Tori upright with her foot.

“Sit up, sweetheart. There we go. That was the lowest setting I have. Now. What is Vera’s first rule?”

Tori couldn’t catch her breath, gasping and sobbing as she shuddered with the pain. Her head lolled on her neck.

“Tori,” Colleen said sternly, “Tell me what Vera’s first rule is. Do this, or the muzzle stays on.”

“N—” Tori mumbled. She licked her lips and tried again. “N-never, speak with, without permission.”

“Good.” Colleen’s finger depressed a button again.

Tori convulsed and _screamed,_ every muscle in her neck straining as the sound tore through the room. Colleen released the button and Tori suddenly went limp, canting to the side, the cuffs on her wrists keeping her from falling over.

“Good girl,” Colleen purred. “What’s Vera’s second rule?”

Vera screamed through the muzzle, tried to beg Tori to stop. _It doesn’t fucking matter. I’ll keep it on. Nothing is worth this._ Tori slowly pushed herself upright and gasped in a breath. “Ahh, _f-fuck,_ I…” She swallowed hard and winced as the collar moved on her throat. “N-never, never sleep or—” She whimpered. “—eat with, without permission.”

“Good.”

“P-please _NO_ —”

Colleen pressed the button, and Tori’s body jerked with the shock. A scream was forced out of her throat as her ribs contracted. Colleen held the button for a beat, another…

Colleen released the button and Tori crumpled to the floor, her wrists straining against the cuffs and twisting her shoulders back. She panted into the carpet, her clothes damp with sweat.

Vera threw herself forward again, beyond desperation, fighting with everything she had to get to Tori. To get to Colleen, and kill her with her bare hands. _CAN’T LET HER HURT TORI._ Her mind was a ragged gash of pain.

“You’re doing so well, sweetheart,” Colleen murmured. Vera shuddered as she realized Colleen said it in the _exact_ tone and cadence as her husband had said it, almost fifteen years ago.

Tori sobbed, pressing her face into the floor. “N-no,” she gasped.

“What is Vera’s third rule?” Colleen asked softly, looking down at Tori with an almost sick fascination.

 _“Please,”_ Tori sobbed.

“Do I have to use this again?” Colleen said, playing with the remote.

 _“NO!”_ Tori screamed. Vera wailed into the muzzle as Tori blinked tears out of her eyes. “Ne-ever, scream, with, without, permission.”

“Perfect, sweetheart.” Colleen smirked and pressed the button on the remote.

 _It must be a higher setting,_ Vera cried in her mind, because Tori’s body locked hard against the shock, straining against the cuffs. Vera’s throat went raw with her scream. It ended, and Tori went boneless against the carpet, her mouth pulled wide with agony.

“Fourth rule, Tori.”

 _“No,”_ Tori wailed, shivering despite the sweat soaking through her shirt. “Please d-don’t, don’t… make me…”

Colleen tossed her head and laughed. “Giving up to soon. You were more than halfway done.” She shrugged and gestured to the guards along the wall. “Get them back to their—”

 _“NO!”_ Tori shrieked. “Take, take, take all punishments without c-complaint!” She lay gasping against the carpet, looking up at Colleen with terror.

“Excellent.”

Vera screamed as Tori convulsed again.

_I’D RATHER DIE I’D RATHER DIE I’D RATHER DIE._

Tori jerked on the carpet, falling still so suddenly it looked like another shock. She shuddered, dragging in breath after breath.

“Last one,” Colleen murmured, spinning the remote in her hands. “Last rule. What’s Vera’s last rule, Tori? Tell me.”

“No no no _no,_ ” Tori whimpered. “Please… please _stop,_ just… no…”

“I will not give you another chance, Tori,” Colleen said, her voice low and deadly.

Tori squeezed her eyes shut and ground her forehead into the carpet. Her muscles twitched, even without the shocks. Vera’s mouth was dry.

“If you want Vera to stay in that muzzle, Tori—”

 _“Never take off the collar,”_ Tori groaned.

Tori’s shriek split Vera’s ears, split the room. Vera screamed as she watched Tori’s body contract, waiting to hear the sound of bone snapping. Colleen kept her finger on the button. A moment too long. Then another. Tori wasn’t breathing, couldn’t breathe through the shocks. Isaac told her that. Her mind swam dizzily with the memory of her own tazer training. _You can’t breathe when your chest is spasming._ A distant voice in the back of Vera’s mind wondered how long it would take Tori to lose consciousness from lack of oxygen. She drowned out that voice with a scream that burned through her chest.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, after _what must have been an eternity,_ it stopped. Tori lay still on the floor, soaked with sweat— Vera had to look closely to see if she was breathing. That same distant voice whispered through her, pulled her away. _You don’t have to stay,_ it said. _You don’t have to be here._

_I HAVE TO BE HERE SO I CAN PROTECT TORI._

_There’s not a fucking thing I can do to protect her from this._

“Very good, Tori,” Colleen crooned softly. “I knew you could be good for me. And Vera must be so grateful. Tori. Sit up and look at your lover, look how grateful she is.”

Tori whimpered into the carpet, trembling.

Colleen’s hand shot out and made a fist in Tori’s hair, snapping her head up to force her to look at Vera. _“Look at her,”_ Colleen ground out between her teeth. “ _Look_ at the reason you were _so very good._ ”

Tears streamed down Vera’s face as she stared back at Tori, eaten alive on the inside by rage and _shame._ _I brought this to her,_ Vera thought as her heart cracked. _This is because of me._

“Now,” Colleen said softly, beckoning one of the guards over. “I’m going to unchain you. Go to her, and take the muzzle off her face.”

Tori moaned as the guard’s hand tightened around her wrist, smearing the blood where she’d split her skin from pulling so hard against the cuffs. The guard unlocked the cuffs from around her wrists and left them on the floor.

Unbearable agony flushed through Vera at seeing Tori, seeing her lying on the floor, completely unrestrained and able to do _nothing._ Tori stirred on the ground, her arms shaking as she pushed herself upright.

“That’s it,” Colleen soothed. “Go to your vicious little girlfriend and take that terrible muzzle off her face.” Her hand moved smoothly through Tori’s hair. “Go on.”

Tori nearly collapsed as she made her way to Vera, half-crawling, half-dragging herself to her side. The upper ridge of the muzzle with soaked with Vera’s tears, and the skin at the tops of her cheekbones had rubbed raw.

Tori’s eyes were dull and unfocused as she pushed herself to sitting, directly in front of Vera. Vera ducked into Tori’s eyeline and caught her gaze. Tori slowly raised her eyes to Vera, her face red and drawn with pain.

“I had to,” Tori whispered, her voice a barely-there, ragged croak. “I had to.”

Vera slumped forward, fresh tears pouring down her cheeks as Tori reached behind Vera’s neck to unclip the clasps from the ring on her collar. The lower half of the muzzle dangled off Vera’s face. Tori’s arms shook as the raised them to undo the straps around the back of Vera’s head. Vera could feel Tori’s fingers fumbling with the clasp, before the muzzle finally came away.

Vera let out a sob of relief as she drew her first breath without it in hours. Her lips trembled as she stared at Tori, her gaze moving over every plane of Tori’s face, memorizing it, wishing she’d never met Tori at all.

“T-Tori,” Vera sobbed. “You d-didn’t… I could have… I can _take it,_ Tori, I can take it for you, _please let me take it…_ ”

“No,” Tori rasped. “You’ve suffered enough. Let me take this for you now.”

“But—”

“This has been _lovely,_ ” Colleen sighed. “But it’s time for you to return to your cells. Tori, darling…” Colleen thrust her chin at the muzzle lying on the floor between Tori and Vera. “Put it back on her.”

 _“NO!”_ Tori screamed, lunging forward at Colleen. She staggered on her knees and crumpled to the ground at Colleen’s feet. “You said, _you said, NO!”_

Colleen clicked her tongue at Tori as she nudged Tori away from her with her foot. “I told you that you could take it off of her. I never said when you were going to put it back on.”

 _“NO,”_ Tori wailed. “You can’t, you _can’t make me do this!_ ”

“Oh, dear,” Colleen said with a sigh. “You’re right. I can’t. But—” She pointed at Vera. “I can tell you I’m going to have Vera shot right here, right in front of you, if you don’t put it back on.” A guard moved behind Vera, and the hair on the back of her neck stood up as he took a step closer to her. There came the unmistakable sound of a gun being drawn from its holster, then, the cold steel of the barrel pressed against the back of her head. She shuddered and let her head fall forward.

“Vera, Vera, _no,_ Vera… god… please no…” Tori’s voice cracked as she begged, dragging herself forward on her hands and knees. “Vera…”

“It’s okay,” Vera whispered. “You can put it on me. It’s okay.”

“Tori,” Colleen said curtly, “Vera must wear that muzzle any time she’s being moved, and any time she’s in my presence. However, I’ll let her keep it off when she’s in that cell. And I have a feeling…” Colleen grinned. “…that you are the only one in this room she wouldn’t maim if she had the chance.”

“I’d _kill you_ if I had the chance,” Vera growled. Her hands tightened into fists.

“Case in point,” Colleen said airily as she waved her hand at Vera. “Tori, put the muzzle back on her. Then when you get back to your cell, the guards will chain you up by your collar, and allow you enough slack to take the muzzle off. _You_ will be the one to muzzle Vera from now on, Tori. But I also give you the opportunity to take it off the miserable creature.” Colleen shrugged. “I’m not _entirely_ unreasonable.”

“Tori,” Vera whispered through numb lips. The gun pressed harder to the back of her head. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”

“I _do,_ ” Tori wailed. “I c-can’t let you die, Vera, _please,_ I can’t let you die…”

“Shh,” Vera whispered. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I’m so _s-sorry,_ ” Tori moaned as she picked up the muzzle. “I’m so _sorry,_ Vera, please…” She placed the muzzle on Vera’s face.

Vera kept her eyes fixed on Tori’s as Tori reached behind her head to buckle the straps. Tori avoided her gaze, her eyes streaming.

Tori grasped the two bottom straps, and Vera nodded slightly. _It’s okay. I know this isn’t you. You can do this._ Tori reached behind Vera’s neck and clipped the straps to the ring at the back of Vera’s collar.

“So much better,” Colleen sighed. Vera turned her gaze on her, rage tightening in her gut again.

Colleen looked around the room. “Take them back to their cells, please. You heard my instructions for securing them. And make sure they all get food and water.”

“Yes, ma’am,” came the quiet voices around them.

“Oh, one more thing, Tori,” Colleen said softly. She took a step forward. “Your collar sends a constant signal to a receiver in the house. If you take it off, if it leaves your neck for _any reason_ …” Colleen wet her lips. “I will be notified. And guards will immediately be dispatched to put Vera down. Do you understand?”

Tori nodded, her eyes wide and red with crying. “I understand,” she whispered.

Colleen’s hand shot out and cracked against Tori’s face. Tori fell onto her side with a cry.

 _“Never speak without permission,”_ Colleen hissed. “Remember your fucking rules, plaything.”

“I’m sorry,” Tori sobbed. “I’m sorry.”

Colleen raised her hand to strike Tori again. Tori wailed and cringed away from her hand. Vera screamed and jerked forward, her eyes darting between Colleen’s hand, and Tori.

“That’s a warning,” Colleen said softly, a deadly venom in her voice. “Remember your rules.”

Tori nodded miserably where she lay.

Colleen snapped at the guards. “We’re done here. Get them out.” She turned on her heel and disappeared into another door, further into the house.

The guards descended on them both. One yanked Tori upright, pinning her arms behind her as another cuffed her again. Two more flanked Vera and unlocked her cuffs from the floor. They pulled the bag over her head again.

“Remember,” one of them muttered in her ear. “Try anything, and she dies.”

 _I’m not gonna fucking try anything,_ Vera growled in her mind. _Not until she’s safe._

“Move,” another guard ordered. They forced Vera forward and she stumbled on the shackles. The guards dragged her upright and pushed her forward again. Vera heard a rustling and a heavy dragging sound behind her.

_They’re dragging Tori. She can’t walk on her own._

“I’m sorry,” Tori sobbed behind Vera. “I’m sorry, Vera, I’m so sorry…”

She fell silent as the guards gagged her again.

Back and forth through the hallways, then they came to a stop in front of the door to the cells. The guards unlocked the door and forced them both in.

The chains rattled as Isaac and Sam sat up. From the back of the hallway, she could hear Finn moving, too. Then the bag was pulled from over her head and she could see again.

She could see Sam through the bars of their cell, straining against their shackles as they looked out at Vera and Tori. Their eyes went wide when they saw Tori, limp and slumped between the two guards holding her up.

 _“What did you DO?”_ Sam shrieked. “You… what did you _do,_ you h-hurt them, what did you _do?_ ”

“What happened?” Finn’s frightened voice called. “Are they… what happened?”

The guards reached down and unlocked the shackles from around Vera’s ankles. “Move,” one ordered gruffly. They shoved Vera forward, back into her cell.

They shoved Vera to her knees and pinned her against the wall, their hands like iron on her wrists as they removed the handcuffs and chained her to the wall again. Then they brought in Tori. She still couldn’t stand.

“Get on your knees,” a guard ordered. Tori didn’t have to be forced. She dropped to her knees immediately with a _crack._ Sweat shone on her face, and she swayed where she was kneeling.

Another guard brought a long length of chain and locked one end onto Tori’s collar. The other he clipped to the wall and locked it.

The guards shoved Tori to the floor and walked out. Finn screamed, and a scuffling sound reached Vera’s ears. A moment later they were flung into the cell, a medical bag right behind them. The guards slammed the cell door shut and left the hallway.

 _“Tori,”_ Finn whispered, immediately going to her side. Their hands were gentle on her face as she wearily pulled the gag from her mouth. “What happened? What did they… are you bleeding anywhere? What…” Their eyes settled on the thick black collar around her neck. “What is _that?_ ”

“Shock collar,” Tori mumbled as she pushed herself upright.

“Whoa whoa whoa.” Finn tried to push her back down. “Hang on. Let me—”

“Have to take the muzzle off,” Tori said softly, groaning as she moved. “She said I could. She said I could take the muzzle off once we got here again.”

“Then let me,” Finn said quickly, and moved to Vera’s side. Their hands were quick on the clasps, undoing them and then ripping the muzzle from Vera’s face. The chain linking their wrists together clinked faintly.

“I’m fine,” Vera croaked. “They didn’t touch me. See to Tori. Take care of her.” Vera pushed weakly at Finn’s hands.

Finn’s eyes filled with tears as they looked at Vera, and then looked back at Tori. They walked back to Tori’s side and grasped her wrist gently, avoiding the torn skin as they took her pulse.

 _“Fuck,”_ Finn hissed as they drew their other hand across their face.

“What?” Vera said, a tremor in her voice. “Is there… what’s wrong? Something with her heart? What—”

“No, her pulse is fine,” Finn said softly. Two tears coursed down their cheeks. “I…” Their lips quivered. “I wish they’d just hurt me instead.”

“I do, too,” Vera whispered, her eyes fixed on Tori’s face.

 _I’m going to kill every single person in this building. As soon as I find a way, I’m getting them all out and murdering every fucker who put their hands on my family._ She swallowed hard, licking her lips as they dried in the air of the cell. _We just have to find a way out._


	58. Stress Position

Eventually, the cuts on Isaac’s arms stopped bleeding. He stopped leaving smudges of blood on the floor where he lay, curled into himself slightly, as close to Sam as he could get. They shivered on the opposite side of the cell, sleeping fitfully, whimpering and crying out while they slept until they jerked awake, over and over and over, for hours through what must have been the night. Isaac wasn’t sure. They never turned the lights off.

He tried not to listen to the others crying. He felt it, too, the despair, the rage, but he couldn’t listen to it. It sparked a bitter darkness in him that threatened to consume him where he lay. He couldn’t listen, but he could plan.

He couldn’t make an escape attempt before he found out where they were keeping Ellis… or if they were still alive at all. _Stop it. They’re alive. It makes no sense for Colleen to not have killed them in front of us._

He shuddered at the thought, at how easily it came to his mind. _This is my mission now. I have to think of them as a mission._

Isaac couldn’t think of a reason to keep Ellis separate from the rest of them. They knew no more about the north and the family than anyone else. As far as Isaac knew, they didn’t have something the syndicates wanted, like Finn did. _It’s not that Ellis isn’t important. I just don’t understand why Ellis is important to_ them.

All night, Isaac wracked his brain for ideas for how to escape. The double security of the cell doors and the hallway door was a problem. So were the shackles. Tori was the only one in the group that wasn’t chained to the wall like the others. The only chain she wore was on her collar, and the collar could come off. Tori had said that taking the collar off would spell death for Vera, but it _could_ come off. That was something. Isaac was the only one who had seen Gavin, so he could be that link there. Finn was the only one of them that was allowed into the other two cells. Isaac knew now that when Finn was in their cell they were chained to the wall by their collar, and all of their collars, besides Tori’s, had a mechanism that locked permanently around the buckle. The only way the collars were coming off now was if they were _cut_ off.

Isaac pulled at his collar reflexively. It didn’t cut off his air, it wasn’t _strangling_ him, but every single moment of pressure against his throat stirred up the ghost of Gavin’s hands around his neck, pressing down, choking the life out of him as Gavin smiled. _He’s not like that anymore,_ Isaac told himself, over and over. _He would never do that to me now. He’d rather die. I know that._

It didn’t stop the dull, roiling panic in the back of his mind. It didn’t stop the moments where even though Isaac _knew_ where he was, _knew_ he was in a cell with Sam in Colleen’s fucking nightmare mansion, his body was in Gavin’s basement, flung back almost a year in time, where he was cold and terrified and underneath Gavin as he _hurt him_ and _hurt him._ Isaac shuddered and blinked tears out of his eyes. _I wish I could go back. I’d rather be there, alone, than here, with my family._

The thought that Isaac had tried to force out of his mind ever since he’d been taken drifted to the front of his awareness again: _will Gray ever find out what happened to us?_

As far as Colleen knew, as far as _anyone_ in the syndicates knew, Gray was dead. As far as Colleen knew, Gray never survived Gavin’s bullet to the chest. That was for the best. That was how Isaac wanted it. But he still burned with shame. _They were my responsibility. This was my job, more than it ever was before. And I failed. I_ failed.

It didn’t matter that he was leading with Vera. He should have known. He should have found a way to fix it, to complement Vera’s strengths with his own. This failure was _his._ All he could do was pray Vera didn’t pay any more of the price for it.

He swam in his misery until the door opened again.

He shot upright, the chains on his wrists clinking as he lurched forward towards Sam. Sam stirred, whimpering, then sat up with a gasp as three guards entered the hallway. They skittered backwards away from the door, terror written across their face. The guards stopped in front of Isaac’s cell. Isaac’s heart dropped in his chest.

_Please just be here for me. Please just be here for me. Please just be here for me._

As the cell door opened, Sam pressed themselves back away from the guards. One of them broke off and pinned Sam to the floor, as the other two came straight for Isaac.

“I’m sure at this point you’ve figured out the drill,” one of them growled, his lip curling. “We take you out in shackles and a hood. If you try _anything_ —” The man shot a glance behind him at Sam. “—we kill that one. No questions asked. No warnings. Do you understand?”

Isaac nodded slowly. “I understand,” he rasped.

“Good. Get on your knees and face the wall.”

_This is exactly what they did with Tori and Vera,_ Isaac thought with a shudder. _I know what they want from me. I won’t give them a reason to kill Sam._

Then, with a chill, _when Tori and Vera left their cells, Tori came back being_ dragged. Tears welled in Isaac’s eyes and he looked at Sam desperately. _No. No. Please just hurt me, please just leave them alone and hurt me._ Isaac pushed himself up onto his knees.

Isaac’s hands curled into fists at the sound of Sam’s twisted cry of pain as the guard forced their arms behind their back. _“Don’t fucking hurt them,”_ he growled.

The guard approaching him froze. “Hey, I said—”

“I’ll go quietly,” Isaac hissed as he turned around the stare the guards down. “If you stop hurting them.”

“You have to come quietly,” the other one said, his voice shaking.

Isaac leaned forward until the chains pulled tight on his wrists. “If you keep hurting them,” he ground out through his teeth, “If you _kill them_ …” His voice dropped into a deadly, steady quiet. “…you’ll find out what happens when you don’t have that to keep you safe from me.” One of the guards fell back a step, swallowing loudly in the silence. “I killed one of you with my fucking hands tied behind my back,” Isaac murmured, his gaze moving slowly between the two guards standing over him. “Think about what’ll happen to you, once you don’t have _them_ to protect you.” Isaac thrust his chin at Sam.

No one moved or _breathed_ for several seconds. One of the men standing over Isaac took another step back. “Ease up a bit, Bowman,” he said quietly. The guard pinning Sam to the floor pulled them roughly onto their knees, keeping a hand on their shoulder.

Sam looked at Isaac where they knelt, shuddering. “I… Isaac,” they whimpered. “Don’t… it’s okay, please don’t—”

“Face the _fucking wall,_ ” one of the guards snarled at Isaac.

Isaac turned to face the wall, a simmering smile of momentary triumph passing over his face. It fell just as quickly. _It doesn’t fucking matter if I can intimidate these idiots. Once we get to wherever we’re going, Colleen will do whatever the fuck she wants to me. To_ Sam. _I can’t do a damned thing to stop it._

Isaac could feel the two men handling him trembling as they wrapped their hands around his wrists. Just like yesterday they unlocked one wrist, cuffed it behind his back, then the other, cuffed them together.

“Isaac?” Vera called. “Isaac, are you… is it just you? Are they… are they taking you, too?”

“And Sam.” Isaac’s voice cracked. The guards pulled him to his feet.

“No no no _no no no NO NO!_ ” Tori screamed. _“What the fuck is WRONG with you? Leave them alone, can’t you…”_ A sob. _“Can’t you see they’re just a_ kid _?”_

“Don’t touch them, _please!_ ” Finn begged, their voice echoing through the hall. “Please… please, take… take _me,_ take… no, no, please leave them alone…”

The guard holding Sam rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ. Is there going to be this fucking _drama_ every time we take one of you?”

_“YOU’RE TORTURING MY FUCKING FAMILY!”_ Isaac roared. The two guards holding him jumped and cringed for a moment. Sam’s eyes squeezed shut and they trembled where they knelt.

None one spoke for a moment. The guard holding Sam cleared his throat and said, “We’re wasting fucking time. Let’s fucking _move._ ” He dragged Sam to their feet and pushed them out the door to the cell.

Isaac knew he would be shackled. They shackled Vera, they’d shackle him, too. _Although,_ he thought with a stab of malicious joy, _she’s killed more than I have. We could start a fucking pool if these fucking cowards stopped threatening Sam and Tori._ He held as still as he could, quivering with tension as the guards tightened the shackles around his ankles and clipped the chain the cuffs locking his hands behind his back.

“Ms. Stormbeck wants you both gagged,” the man to Isaac’s right said. Almost regretfully. Isaac shot a glance at him and saw _fear,_ not shame.

_He doesn’t want his hands that close to my mouth,_ Isaac thought with a jolt of satisfaction. _I’d take his fucking fingers off if they didn’t. Have. Sam._

The guard pulled the gag up into Isaac’s mouth, and then redid the knot at the back of his head for good measure. They gagged Sam again, too, before Isaac disappeared into the bag pulled over his head. They pushed Isaac forward, and they all started to move.

They made so many turns Isaac lost track. They went far into another wing of the house. Isaac could hear the halls getting wider, the ceiling getting higher. The sounds of people moving about, working. _They’re herding two fucking captives down the hall and no one is doing a_ thing _about it._ Isaac swallowed hard, his jaw already aching from the gag in his mouth. _The syndicate world is so fucking fucked up._

They turned another corner, into a room that sounded _big._ There was the clink of silverware, the smell of eggs and bacon and fruit. Isaac heard a gasp as he shuffled in, and Isaac turned his head to try to hear who else was in the room with him. He was guided to a spot on the floor and kicked to his knees. There was a hand on the cuffs on his wrists, and then the clink of a chain as they chained him to the floor. Just like before, when Gavin had been forced to cut Isaac until he was screaming.

There was a whimper beside him, and a _thump_ as Sam was forced to their knees as well. A _clink_ as they chained Sam to the floor, as well. _They’re not going to hurt anyone. They don’t need to be chained down like this._

The guard yanked the bag off Isaac’s head, and his heart sank.

He and Sam were kneeling next to a table, an array of breakfast foods spread across it. Colleen sat at one end, calmly sipping a cup of coffee. At the other end sat Gavin. His hands were curled into fists, his eyes shining with tears as he bit down hard on his lip. He was leaning forward in his seat, as if ready to dash over to them and tear the chains off Isaac and Sam himself. He was breathing hard, almost panting as his eyes darted between Sam and Isaac. As Gavin’s gaze moved over Isaac, focusing on the bandages on his arms, pain tightened in his eyes that made Isaac’s stomach lurch.

“You got here a little late, didn’t you?” Colleen said primly.

The guard standing behind Isaac swallowed hard. “Y-yes ma’am,” he murmured. “This one—” Isaac could feel eyes on his back. “—was… um… belligerent.”

Colleen raised her eyebrows. “ _Was_ he, now?” She glanced at Sam. “And here I thought we had some kind of leverage to prevent a repeat of prior events.”

“He didn’t, um, _kill_ anyone,” the guard stuttered, “But he… uh… threatened.”

Colleen tossed her head and laughed. “Collins. If I spooked every time someone threatened my life, I’d live in a constant state of anxiety.” She placed her coffee cup on the table. “But thank you for bringing them. I do love having something to watch with my breakfast.”

Gavin shuddered and rocked forward. “Mom,” he mumbled, his voice cracking. “Mom, please… I… I can’t, I don’t want to—”

“Hush, Gavin,” Colleen said with a smooth wave of her hand. “No blood today. You won’t even have to _touch_ them. I just want to remind you of who you are, of the power the Stormbeck name carries. You’ll be my Gavin Stormbeck again.” She smiled across the table at him. “This is for _you,_ sweetheart.”

Isaac cast a glance at Sam. They were trembling, _terrified,_ as they knelt on the floor, the gag muffling their whimpers.

Gavin’s fingers locked on the edge of the table. “Mom… don’t… what are you going to _do_ …? Please… don’t… hurt them…”

Colleen rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “For the love of god, I _need_ to know what this man did to you to make you so afraid. Gavin, honey. You’re safe now. You’re _home._ And whatever this _man_ did to you…” She waved her hand at Isaac. “…we will repay it tenfold. You don’t need to protect them, Gavin. You’re _my son,_ and this is your birthright.”

Gavin slumped forward, choking on a sob.

Colleen turned to the guards. “I’ve already told you what I want done. Give me something to watch.” She delicately took a bite of her omelet.

“Ma’am.” A guard along the wall stepped forward, a large, blocky remote in his hand. He pressed a button, and a whirring sound began over Isaac’s head.

Isaac looked up, and nearly cried out in horror. Along the ceiling there were at least a dozen pulleys supporting a system of ropes and hooks, the purpose of which Isaac knew far too well. Something deep inside Isaac told him something _terrible_ was going to happen. He just didn’t know what yet.

_No. No. Please, god, no._

A rope with a locking clasp on the end slowly lowered over Sam’s head. Horror punched Isaac in the gut as he met Sam’s eyes, theirs wild with terror, his brimming with tears.

“Mom, _no,_ ” Gavin breathed. “Are you… mom, don’t _do this,_ they… Sam didn’t do _anything_ …”

Colleen scoffed. “They were part of the merry band, were they not? They are as culpable as anyone for the damage done to you. Oh, Gavin, sweetheart. You came back to me broken, and Sam is just to blame as the others.”

“ _Mom,_ they…” Gavin blew out a shaking breath. “They… they _helped me_ through the caning. They… they’re _good,_ mom… please…”

“And whose hand was doing the caning, darling?” Colleen asked, her voice low and deadly calm. Gavin’s mouth closed slowly. The corners of Colleen’s mouth fell just slightly. “You will tell me eventually. And we will _punish_ whoever did it.”

The rope had been lowered until it reached Sam. The guard roughly grabbed Sam’s collar and tied the rope to it, pulling the knot tight and stepping back.

Isaac screamed and threw himself against the chains. Sam sobbed and tossed their head, trying to escape the collar, the rope. Their eyes were wide with panic as they started to gasp around the gag.

“Mom no _no no no no_ …” Gavin shot up out of his chair. “Mom _no._ You can’t kill them. Mom, don’t… don’t _fucking kill them_ …”

Colleen laughed once. “I’m not doing to kill them, darling. Not for a long time. I _am,_ however, going to watch them suffer. And…” She grinned at Isaac. “…watch this one suffer for it, too.”

Gavin lunged towards Sam, his hands outstretched. “ _No._ I _claim them,_ mom, I _claim Sam Vasterling._ You can’t… you can’t _do this_ …”

Colleen pursed her lips. “I can, darling. I already have.” She flicked her hand at the guards, and the rope began to pull on Sam’s collar.

Sam gasped and shot straight up on their knees. Before they could straighten their hips over their knees, the chain on their wrists snapped tight. Sam wailed through the gag, trying desperately to find a way to straighten up, to relieve the strain on their legs. The rope lifted higher, until it pulled Sam’s collar tight around their neck.

“That’s perfect,” Colleen said lightly.

The rope stopped. Sam sobbed against the collar, squirming and choking whenever they lowered themselves too far. Isaac thrashed against his chains, completely overcome by panic, straining his muscles to their breaking point as he fought to get to Sam.

_“Mom, NO!”_ Gavin screamed, staggering towards Sam. Two guards stepped forward and grabbed his arms, dragging him back to his seat at the table. They threw him back against his chair. When Gavin rose again, one guard made a fist in Gavin’s shirt and slammed him back into his seat, pinning him there with one hand. The other guard stood behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder, just barely touching his neck. A warning, and a threat.

Sam coughed and whined as they struggled. Isaac let out a strangled scream of pure _rage_ as Sam shivered and sobbed.

Tears poured down Gavin’s face. “ _Mom,_ you… you _can’t do this to them!_ They’re _mine!_ ”

Colleen popped a raspberry into her mouth and chewed slowly. “I can. They don’t belong to you. They belong to _me._ I’m revoking your privileges to them until you are my _son_ again. Until then…” She smiled. “They are _mine_ , to do with as I please.”

“I…” Gavin lunged forward and was slammed back into his chair. _“I brought them in,”_ he hissed. “ _I’m_ the one who brought them to you. They’re _mine._ ”

Colleen laughed as she took another raspberry. “Whatever authority you think you have, Gavin _Uriah,_ ” she mocked, “You don’t have it here. You have authority as a Stormbeck, or none at all. Until you are my son again, you have no authority. I’ll let you keep your claim on _that one_ —” She thrust her chin at Isaac. “—because he seems so well suited to you. _This one_ on the other hand…” She glanced at Sam, grinned at the sight of their panic. “…doesn’t seem to suit you at all. They’re mine, until further notice.”

Isaac roared in agony and terror as he strained forward, the skin of his wrists tearing _deep._ His heart thundered in this chest. _I can’t pull out of them even if my break my thumb I can’t help them like I did with Gavin I can’t help them I CAN’T HELP THEM._

Gavin made a frantic dive forward and the guards dragged him back to his chair.

_“Gun,”_ Colleen snapped.

A guard pulled his gun from its holster and held it to Gavin’s chest. Gavin froze.

Isaac screamed, his body straining against the cuffs, his eyes darting between Sam and Gavin. _IF GAVIN MOVES HE DIES PLEASE HELP SAM HAVE TO HELP SAM GAVIN PLEASE HELP._

_“Gavin,”_ Colleen said harshly. “I’ve made accommodations for you. I’ve been _very_ understanding. But if you continue to display this behavior, I will treat you as a threat. Do you understand?”

“Mom, _please!_ ” Gavin sobbed. “You… you’re gonna kill them…”

“I am _not!_ ” Colleen cried, looking deeply offended. “Look at them. Are they strangling? No. They’re just a little uncomfortable.”

Sam writhed and _sobbed,_ their legs trembling, gasping every time a movement tightened the collar around their throat. They were pleading, _begging,_ mumbling through the gag as tears streamed down their face. Isaac’s face was wet with tears, but he didn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything but the burning at his wrists and the tearing agony in his chest as he watched Sam _suffer._

Something in him snapped. _Can’t let them hurt Sam._

He turned his head to Gavin, _screamed_ through the gag. _“Gavin, please. Gavin. Help them… please, I can’t do it… Gavin… please… Gavin please HELP THEM!”_ His words were garbled, muffled. Gavin stared at him with tears pouring down his face, the gun still at his chest.

“I… I’m _sorry,_ Isaac,” Gavin sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ …”

Sam’s mouth pulled wide against the gag as they dragged in their breaths, the air whistling through their throat as their legs began to quiver and fail.

Colleen’s gaze moved between Isaac and Gavin, her mouth twisting into something ugly and cruel. She tilted her head and relaxed her shoulders back.

“My son is finished with his breakfast,” she said softly.

The guards nodded and dragged Gavin from his chair. He screamed and shoved against the guards, throwing punches, staring desperately at Sam. He froze when the guard held a gun to his head.

“Let’s go,” the guard growled, and forced Gavin out the door and into the hall.

Isaac screamed and strained forward, his chest wracked with dry sobs.

Colleen took one long, lingering look at Sam as they whimpered, trembled. The slowly ran her tongue over her bottom lip, and stood.

“Leave them like that until lunch,” she said darkly. She turned and left the room.


	59. Chapter 59

When the guards came for them hours later, Sam was nearly delirious with pain. Isaac whimpered as he watched them gasp around the collar every time their legs gave out under them, watched their muscles strain and strain to keep them upright. Their eyes were glazed over, unfocused, running tears that soaked into the gag. As the guards walked in, Isaac sobbed with relief.

They went to Sam first. They grabbed Sam’s collar and made quick work of loosening the knot. As the rope came away Sam slumped to the floor with a groan. They didn’t even seem aware the ordeal was over. They breathed in quick, ragged breaths, their eyes fluttering shut.

The guard’s hands locked onto Isaac’s arms, and he whimpered as he watched them unchain Sam from the floor. Sam didn’t stir, just breathed hard, heaving quiet sobs with each breath.

_“Sam,”_ Isaac mumbled through the gag. _“Sam, please…”_

Sam moaned, painfully straightening one leg, then the other. The guards roughly yanked them upright, and their breath rushed out of them in a whimper.

Isaac strained against the cuffs and hissed through his teeth as they pulled against his torn skin. _“Please,”_ he begged. _“Don’t hurt them, please…”_

The guards tried to set Sam on their feet, and they slumped to the ground. The guards caught them clumsily. Their head lolled on their neck.

_“Sam,”_ Isaac sobbed, tears streaming down his face. _“Sam, no… oh, god, Sam…”_

“Shut up,” one of the guards snapped and smacked Isaac on the back of the head.

He leaned forward, every cell in his body aching to get to Sam. _“No,”_ he whimpered. _“Sam, please…”_

A guard knelt beside Sam and lifted them easily in his arms. “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath. “This one’s fucking easy to carry.” He turned and walked out the door, Sam’s arms and legs hanging limply. Sam heaved a weak sob.

Isaac screamed wordlessly as Sam disappeared into the doorway. He sobbed and pulled against the cuffs, uselessly, _useless useless useless._

“Calm the fuck down,” a guard growled at Isaac. “Calm the fuck down. If you try anything, we’ll—”

Isaac threw himself forward at the guard, raging against the cuffs, his mouth open wide in a scream that scraped his throat raw. _FUCKING THREATEN SAM AGAIN AND I’LL KILL YOU, I’LL FUCKING MURDER YOU RIGHT HERE, I’LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR FUCKING BODY, I’LL DESTROY YOU._

The guard laughed. His hand shot out and yanked Isaac’s head back as he grimaced at Isaac. “I’ve got all fucking day,” he said darkly. “All fucking day until you calm down.”

Isaac shuddered as the stared the man down. He dragged in a breath through his nose and pushed it out, grimacing as it twisted into a sob. He glared at the guard still holding him, imagining breaking him open and ripping him apart. _I HAVE TO GO TO SAM._ Another breath, slower. Another, and he trembled, the pain in his wrists spiking, tearing at his mind.

The guard smirked. “Fucking finally.” He released Isaac’s hair. “Let’s get him up.”

_IF I’M CALM, THEY’LL TAKE ME BACK TO SAM. I CAN BE WITH SAM._

The chain on his handcuffs fell to the floor behind him, and the guards pulled him to his feet. They put the bag back over Isaac’s head. Slowly, they moved with him out of the room.

_A lot of them are coming this time._ Nausea curled in Isaac’s stomach. _Why are there so many coming? I think I hear at least three._ The guards took a right, then another right. A chill trickled down Isaac’s spine. He reached back, trying to remember…

_I know we came from the opposite direction to the dining room._

Panic rocked through Isaac and he dragged his feet to a halt. _They aren’t taking me back to Sam. They aren’t taking me back to Sam THEY AREN’T TAKING ME BACK TO SAM._

“Hey.” A shove. “Keep moving.”

_“Then tell me where I’m going,”_ Isaac mumbled through the gag.

A laugh. “Can’t fucking understand you. Keep your ass moving.”

_If I kill them, they’ll kill Sam._

Isaac dropped like a stone.

He could tell from the thud and shouts that came above him that the two guards holding him up must have run into each other as he dropped to the carpet.

“What the fuck? _Get_ your ass up. Get the _fuck up._ ” Hands tightened on his arms and tried to drag him up. He kept himself completely limp, slipping out of their hands as they tried to haul him to his feet. “Mother… _fucker!_ ”

Someone got their arm looped around Isaac’s, the cuffs pulling tight against his wrists. He grunted and yanked his arm away from the guard.

“What the _fuck,_ ” another guard snapped. Hands closed around the chain linking his cuffs. He jerked the cuffs out of the guard’s hand.

“Fuck this,” someone else said. An arm wound around Isaac’s neck, and _squeezed._

Reflexively, Isaac went still, a stab of panic going through him. _Almost a fucking year later, anyone touches my neck and I’m fucking_ useless _…_

The arm constricted further, and Isaac let out a choked wail. _No no no please NO I’ll behave please…_

_“Stop fucking fighting us,”_ a voice growled in his ear. The arm tightened once more, and Isaac’s body spasmed with panic. _“Let us take you.”_

Isaac sobbed desperately, terror and shame mixing in his blood, burning him like poison. _I’m fucking weak. Something goes around my neck and I just fucking fold._

He nodded as best he could around the guard’s arm. The arm loosened, then came away. The guards grabbed his arms and hauled Isaac to his feet. Isaac cried out weakly as the cuffs cut into his wrists. _I must have torn something badly,_ he thought as he adjusted his wrists. _I wonder if they have what Finn needs to give me stitches._ They shoved Isaac forward, and he started to move again.

More turns. _Either this house is a fucking maze, or they’re fucking with me somehow._ Isaac tried to see through the hood. Nothing came through but shapes. Shadows.

The guards pushed Isaac into another room. He shivered with tension as he tried to hear something, _anything,_ that would give him a hint as to where he was. _They didn’t take me back to the cells. Please, please let them have taken Sam back. They need Finn. They need rest._

Again, Isaac was forced to his knees. They were already bruised and sore, and after how long? _Barely twenty-four hours, if that._ Isaac’s life would be pain until he got out, or until he died. _I need to get used to it. I need to put it aside. It’s a distraction. The only thing that’s real is escape._

More chains on his hands. _These people are so fucking unimaginative._ Isaac knew he didn’t exactly want the Stormbecks to be _creative._ The structure he could deal with. If he knew what to expect, he could deal with anything. _I’ve done this before. I’ll do it again, for my family. I’ll take the pain until Vera and I can get them out._

The hood was pulled from Isaac’s head. His heart sank. He was back in Gavin’s bedroom.

Colleen stood only a few feet away. Gavin stood as far away from Isaac as he could get, pressed back against the wall with an expression of sheer horror.

The blood drained from Isaac’s face. _Oh, god. No. What is she going to make him do to me now?_

He forced himself to blow a slow breath out around the gag. _I can do this. I know what to expect. It’s just… it’s just torture._ He trembled.

Colleen smiled, saccharine. “There’s my son’s plaything. There’s the man who broke my darling boy.”

Isaac’s lip curled.

Colleen laughed. “You’re all so _fierce._ So _dedicated_ to each other. It makes me sick. There’s something so disingenuous about it.”

Isaac stared blankly at Colleen. _Gavin thought my dedication to Sam was somehow contrived, too. Maybe you just don’t fucking understand what it means to care about someone._

Colleen took a step closer to Isaac, then another, until she was standing directly in front of him. She slowly made a fist in his hair and drew his head back, her eyes darting over his face. Isaac shuddered and held still. _If I move, I don’t know what she’ll do to Gavin. Gavin, Sam, all of them._

Colleen tilted her head. “I see why he claimed you,” she said softly, pensively. “You’re quite something. Strong, capable…” Her mouth slid into a wicked grin. “…and you bleed _so well._ I’m sure him breaking you the first time must have been _glorious._ I know the joy that comes from taking something so strong and tearing it apart. I know how good it feels to take someone who could slaughter you if they wanted and putting them on their knees, where they belong.” She leaned closer, her voice dropping to a murmur. “And I’ve been putting people like you on their knees for my entire life.”

Isaac’s lips twitched with a flippancy that could have bordered on amusement if this was any other situation. _You’re insane. You’re absolutely out of your mind._

Colleen’s eyes went cold and she stepped away from Isaac. “Gavin, darling,” she said evenly. “Tell me who it was who beat you.”

Isaac did his best to hold Colleen’s stare. He swallowed hard, the collar moving painfully on his throat. _If she decides to repay what I did, I’ll be caned fifty times. I can take it. I can take it._ He remembered how Gavin had looked after, his back split open and bloody, with angry, bruising welts between the slashes of open skin. His eyes slid shut as tears momentarily clouded his vision. _I can take it._

“Mom,” Gavin whimpered. “N-no one, he… Isaac didn’t hurt me, mom, _please_ stop hurting him…”

Colleen whirled to face him. _“My son was caned,”_ she hissed through her teeth. “That is a disrespect I _cannot_ forgive. _Tell me_ who it was.”

_“You had Leo cut me up!”_ Gavin screamed at her as he shoved himself away from the wall. “You can’t say a _damned thing_ about who hurt me when you _ordered my torture!_ ”

Colleen sighed, her head tilting to one side. “I can see you’re still not who I hoped you’d be.” She snapped her fingers. “Restrain him, please.”

Gavin took a lunging step toward his mother. Two guards were on him in seconds and threw him to his knees so hard it made the floor shake. They yanked Gavin’s arms behind him and pinned them against his back. Gavin thrashed against their hold, arching against their hands until one of them grabbed him roughly by the hair and forced his head back.

“Gavin, sweetheart,” Colleen said gently as she stood in front of him. “Just because you’re not in your right mind doesn’t mean I stop protecting this family. Now. Tell me. Who caned you? Who put those marks on your back?”

_“No one,”_ Gavin sobbed, twisting against the hands restraining them. “It was, it was someone I didn’t know, _please_ …”

Colleen put her hands on her hips. “And you can’t give a description? Don’t have a single clue? Honey, someone tied you down and _beat you._ I know what caning does. It’s excruciatingly painful. And nothing sticks out in your mind? You truly don’t remember _anything?_ ”

Gavin’s mouth opened. He hesitated a moment too long.

_“Knife,”_ Colleen said heavily.

One of the guards drew a knife from his belt and held it to Gavin’s throat.

Isaac rocked forward with a scream. Colleen promised she wouldn’t kill Gavin, not until she made him a Stormbeck again. But that was drowned out in Isaac’s mind by the terror on Gavin’s face, and _HE’S GOT A KNIFE TO HIS THROAT. SHE’S GOING TO KILL HIM._

“Gavin,” Colleen said evenly. “Who is it who beat you?”

“M-mom, no, _no,_ please… mom _no_ …”

“Tell me, darling,” Colleen said. “Just tell me, and I won’t have to do anything to you at all. Just tell me.”

“Mom, _please,_ mom wait wait wait…” Gavin whimpered.

Isaac panted through the gag, his voice twisted with sobs. _CAN’T LET HER KILL HIM CAN’T LET HER KILL HIM CAN’T LET HER KILL HIM._ The skin of his wrists were once again slick with blood.

“Mom, s- _stop,_ I… I can’t…”

The knife pressed harder into Gavin’s throat. He cried out in terror, straining against the hand in his hair. “No, _please,_ mom, _don’t_ …”

“Just tell me. Give me a name. Anything. Tell me who did this to you.”

The knife cut into Gavin’s skin. A drop of blood rolled down his neck, then another. He shuddered and sobbed.

_Can’t let him die._ _“It was me!”_ Isaac screamed through the gag. _“It was me, it was me, LEAVE HIM ALONE!”_

Colleen turned and looked at Isaac. “Though I can’t understand you through the gag,” Colleen said sweetly, “I believe you have something to say.”

Isaac nodded frantically. _“Please, please don’t kill him.”_

“Isaac, _no!_ ” Gavin wailed. “Isaac… don’t do this, Isaac, _please!_ ”

Colleen slowly approached Isaac. “I’m dying to hear this,” she said with a grin. She trailed the backs of her knuckles down the side of Isaac’s face. “What does Isaac Moore know about who hurt my son?”

Isaac looked up at her with wide eyes, brimming with tears. _I don’t care, I’ll take it, I’ll take it I’ll take it I’ll take it._ He threw a glance at Gavin. The knife was still pressed hard to his throat.

Colleen gently eased the gag out of Isaac’s mouth. “Tell me, plaything. Who caned my son? Was it you?”

_“Yes,”_ Isaac gasped. “It was me, don’t… don’t _fucking hurt him_ …”

Colleen tilted her head smugly. “Hm.” She turned to face Gavin again. “You seem to have inspired such _loyalty_ in your plaything, Gavin,” she said. Almost… approvingly. “Now. How many times did he cane you?”

Gavin glanced at Isaac. Isaac opened his mouth to answer. _Can’t let her kill him._

Gavin spoke in a rush. “Twenty!” he cried. “Twenty, mom, please…”

Isaac’s mouth closed slowly. _If she catches him in the lie, he dies._

Colleen tossed her hair and grinned. “Very well.” She waved the guards away. “Let him up. And—” She looked over Isaac’s shoulder to a guard standing along the wall behind him. She gestured with her hand.

Isaac turned his head to look as the guard walked to her side. He was carrying a cane.

“Gavin, honey,” Colleen said brightly. “I’m so glad I finally know the truth. Now we can deal out the proper punishment, avenge your pain. Twenty lashes with the cane, then.” The guards dragged Gavin to his feet. “Administer them.” The guard thrust the cane into Gavin’s hand.

Gavin’s hand shook. His eyes moved slowly from the cane in his hand, to Colleen, and then to Isaac. His face twisted and his eyes filled with tears.

“Mom… _no,_ ” he whispered. “I… I won’t. It wasn’t his, wasn’t his fault, you don’t—”

Colleen rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “Once again, we visit this. Gavin.” She ran her hand tenderly through his hair. “If you can’t hurt your plaything, then I’ll dispose of him. A plaything you won’t use is useless, and I will not have a useless plaything in my house. I will not ask you again. Hurt him, or I put him down.”

Isaac swallowed, meeting Gavin’s gaze steadily. “Gavin—”

_“Quiet.”_ Colleen’s voice cracked like a whip. She gestured to the guards. “Gag him, won’t you?”

“Do it, Gavin—” Isaac said before they could stuff the gag back into his mouth.

“So loyal,” Colleen sneered. “I’d take advantage of that, truly, if I were you, love. Either loyal or just that desperate to stay alive.” She gestured to Isaac. “Do it, darling. I’m trying my best to be understanding.”

Isaac nodded, holding Gavin’s gaze. Gavin swallowed hard and closed his eyes, sending tears streaming down his cheeks. His shoulders moved in a deep, tremulous breath, and he walked so he was standing behind Isaac, slightly to the side. Isaac felt the overwhelming urge to lean into Gavin, take comfort from the warmth, from the solidness of him. To try and give comfort, in return. _I know he doesn’t want to do this. Does he know I know that?_

Gavin heaved out a strangled sob. He lifted his arm in Isaac’s periphery. Isaac squeezed his eyes shut.

The first blow stunned him, froze the air in his lungs. He grunted, the sound forced out of him on the impact. Gavin whimpered quietly behind him.

Again. Isaac clenched his jaw and groaned as the pain spiked, not easing as quickly as it had with the whip. Clinically, Isaac tried to determine which one was worse. He couldn’t tell.

Again. Isaac cried out as the cane cracked against his upper arms as well as his back, breaking open the scabs that had only just formed. He pulled his arms apart as much as he could, exposing his back more to the blows. Sweat prickled on his skin.

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered. He struck Isaac again. And again, and again, so Isaac barely had time to breathe between each strike. He could hear Gavin breathing heavily behind him, his whimpers thick with tears, as the blows rained down on Isaac’s back. Isaac grunted, then sobbed, then screamed as the pain ripped through him with each swing of Gavin’s arm. His skin split open under his shirt and blood trickled hot over his skin.

Gavin delivered the final blow and fell to his knees beside Isaac, sobbing. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered, dropping the cane. He squeezed Isaac’s forearm as he leaned forward, concealing the touch from his mother’s view. “I’m sorry, I’m _sorry,_ I just wanted it to be fast, I… wanted…” His voice broke and he keened softly against Isaac’s shoulder. Isaac nodded weakly, sagging forward as he gasped around the pain. _I know,_ he whispered in his mind. _I know._

“Well, except for this little display, you did so well, darling,” Colleen said. Isaac opened his eyes and glared up at her, panting, wanting nothing more than to tear her head from her body for hurting Gavin like this. For hurting _him._

Gavin slumped back into his heels, pressing his face into his hands as he wept. Isaac’s stomach lurched. _STOP,_ he urged silently. _Fucking stop, she’ll hurt you, she’ll figure it out…_ With a chill, Isaac realized Colleen was watching them carefully, her gaze moving slowly between the two of them. Seeing something that made her eyes narrow in suspicion. _No. Please, no. If she figures out what he feels for me, that he… he_ loves _me… he’ll die for it. Please, no._

Colleen straightened her shoulders and gestured to Isaac. “That’ll be all. Put him back, please.”

Isaac looked to Gavin as the guards unchained him from the floor, wishing he could _tell_ him he understood. Wishing he could protect Gavin from this pain. Wishing he could… wishing he could _hold_ him, promise Gavin he forgave him. The bag was pulled over his head. The guards dragged him up and forced him from the room.

He moaned in agony from the caning, the way his skin stretched and stung under his shirt. He could feel the sweat soaking into it. Smell the blood. He was grateful Gavin hadn’t smelled it.

_Gavin survived this, but with_ fifty _lashes. This is nothing compared to what he went through. I can take this, for him. I can take this, so he isn’t killed._

Turn after turn, they slowly made their way back to the cells. Isaac’s mind was a fog of pain and dull fear. _God, I hope Sam is there when they return me to my cell,_ he thought desperately. _Please let them be there, please let Finn have seen to them, please let them not be somewhere else being beaten or drowned or strangled or—_ He cut the thought off with a broken sob.

As the adrenaline wore off, Isaac started to feel dizzy. He swayed on his feet, stumbling over the chain between his ankles as he dragged his feet forward. The guards caught him and pushed him forward.

He whimpered through his gag as he forced himself onward, a ringing starting in his ears as his vision started to go dark, even darker than it was behind the hood.

“I don’t fucking think so,” a guard growled. “Don’t try to pull that shit again. Walk, or we’re fucking dragging you by your collar.

_“I’m trying,”_ Isaac mumbled through his gag. He was going to throw up. Between the beating and the waterboarding and the fighting against these fucking chains and the pain in his wrists and the fear and the horror and everything else… He felt like he was going to faint. _After one fucking day, my body is giving up. After_ one fucking day. _How can I keep them safe if I can’t… if I can’t…_

“Guys, I think he’s actually serious.” The voice came from somewhere behind him. He wasn’t entirely sure which way was up.

“Fuck this bullshit. He’s fine. He’s—” The bag was torn from Isaac’s head. “Oh. _Shit._ He looks really pale. Let’s… um…”

The guards eased Isaac to his knees. Isaac’s head swam. His stomach roiled. His eyes rolled back in his head and he drooped forward.

“Let’s go,” another snapped. “I’m not waiting for this asshole to stop swooning in the middle of the fucking hallway. Just grab his arms and just…” Hands clamped down on Isaac’s arms and they dragged him forward.

Another few turns, these with the hood off. Isaac did his best to remember the way they were going. _This is important, come on, stay awake…_

They reached the door and unlocked it, dragging Isaac into the hall. They opened his cell door and half-carried him in.

“Isaac, _no, NO! Isaac!_ ” That was Sam. Sam was screaming. Sam was okay.

“What is it?” Finn cried. “Isaac… is he…?”

“He’s alive, he’s… what did you _do?!_ ”

They laid Isaac down on the floor, made quick work of unlocking the shackles and cuffs. They chained him to the wall again and quickly stepped out. Everything was gray, everything was gray… Finn was shoved into the cell, the medical bag thrown in behind them.

Finn was at Isaac’s side in a second. “Isaac, Isaac, f- _fuck, no_ …” Finn’s hands moved expertly over Isaac as they checked him. Isaac’s skin felt like it was buzzing, not quite there.

“He’s been caned,” Finn called to the others. “He’s, um…” They swallowed hard. “He’s okay, he’s not, d-dying, he’s…” They turned to their bag and got to work.

“Sam,” Isaac moaned, his head still spinning. He clung to consciousness like he was dangling from a cliff. “S-Sam…”

“Sam is fine,” Finn said, their voice clipped. “Throat’s bruised, legs are a little torn up. They’ll be okay. Let me focus on you, please…”

Isaac sighed. “Thank…” He sagged against the floor. “Sam is safe.” He was disappearing, whirling down a drain somewhere.

“These are going to need stitches,” Finn said through their teeth. Isaac couldn’t feel their hands on his wrists, but he could just barely see them through the growing black spot in his vision.

“I know,” he breathed, and slipped into the blackness.


	60. Chapter 60

Ellis couldn’t even _pace_ around this fucking cell. They couldn’t move around, couldn’t walk, could barely stand up with their wrists chained to the wall. Alone, for at least a day. Ellis had no idea. They’d kept the lights on the whole time, although Ellis had slept and then been awake long enough that they thought it had to be afternoon. Truly, though, they didn’t know. And they had no way of knowing when, if ever, they’d see anyone ever again.

They’d been left with enough food and water to make it through the day, and had been given one bathroom break. Otherwise they’d been left alone in the cell, with nothing to do. Nothing to think about, but their own horror.

And their rage. Their entire body quivered with a wrenching, burning _rage_ that consumed them. Rage at Colleen, rage at the syndicates, rage at the whole goddamned world. At the twisted fucking system that let the families with the most power and least scruples take over the fucking world. Or whatever was left of it; Ellis had no idea what lay beyond the region they’d lived in their whole life. It was too dangerous to travel for it to be worth it most of the time. There was only running, and hiding. They’d tried to hide with their family, before they’d been taken from Ellis. Before Gavin’s fucking _uncle Benjamin_ took them from Ellis.

That old agony washed over them, the familiar abyss they were constantly one bad day from falling into. _Christopher. Galen. Chloe._ The ones who still haunted Ellis’s dreams, who still called to Ellis from wherever they were, every day. Maybe they were nowhere. Maybe they were gone forever, and that’s what Ellis would be, once Colleen killed them.

They didn’t understand why Colleen hadn’t killed them already. They figured the others were being held together, what was the point of specifying _they_ be in solitary if Colleen was going to separate them all later anyway? No, they were probably held together. And Ellis couldn’t bear to think about what was happening to them right now.

_Maybe she knows I’m the one who loses my fucking shit when I’m alone,_ Ellis thought bitterly. _Maybe she knows about my family and just fucking_ assumes _I’m the one who lost my fucking mind when I was first alone._ Ellis had done more than lost their shit. They’d done things that they couldn’t bear to think about. They’d disappeared down a path that consumed them, one that they traveled for a year before Gray found them—

_No. Can’t think about Gray either._

Other than Tori, Ellis had known Gray the longest. _Seven years._ Tears burned Ellis’s eyes and they let their head fall back against the wall. _I was the first one they saved. The first one._ Now Gray was halfway across the region, completely unaware that they’d been taken at all. _Unless Colleen sent them a message to brag._ But no, that wasn’t possible. If Colleen knew where Gray was, she’d have sent people to wreck the north months ago. There was no way Colleen would know where Gray was. _Unless one of us tells her under torture._

Ellis’s heart lifted for a moment. _She doesn’t even know they’re still alive. She doesn’t know about Edrissa, either. They’re both safe._ Colleen wouldn’t even think to ask.

Ellis’s hands curled into fists and they screamed into the cell, just to hear something besides silence. They didn’t fear torture, or punishment. They knew it was probably coming at some point, and their body rebelled against the thought, but their mind was awash with a slippery sort of apathy.

What they really feared was the isolation. Their hands trembled. _I’m going to lose my shit. I’m going to be alone until she kills me._

They let their eyes close, their mind drifting from thought to thought. _Where in the house am I? How often am I going to be fed? What time is it? How long is it going to take before I start hallucinating?_ Briefly, they hoped they would hallucinate their family. _Honestly, why the fuck not?_

They didn’t know where they were in the house, but they _did_ know where they were in relation to the room they’d all been brought to last night. They’d memorized the route, forcing themselves to repeat it over and over and over in their head. _Take a left, hallway turns to the right, pass three doors, go through the fourth on the left, go down the steps, first cell on the right._ Not too complicated. All they’d have to do to get back to that first room was do it backwards. Not that there was any value in getting to that room, but it was _something._ It was the only information they had. It _had_ to be important.

Not that they figured escape would happen, either. There was absolutely nothing they could use. They’d been thoroughly searched before being thrown into the cell and chained to the wall. The guards had taken their knife and the shoelaces from their shoes. _Can’t have me trying to kill myself,_ Ellis thought with a vicious stab of hatred. _God fucking forbid I escape that way._

But they had to focus on something. Had to… maybe not _hope,_ but _wait._ Maybe an opportunity would present itself. Maybe it wouldn’t.

All Ellis wanted, all they _really_ wanted, was to be back with their family. They wanted to be back with Finn, back with Isaac… they wanted to see Sam again, with their almost-annoying ray-of-sunshine soul. They could use a little sunshine now. They wanted to be around Tori, around Vera…

A dark cloud settled over their mind as they thought of Gavin. The others trusted him _so much,_ even Isaac and Vera. The two people Ellis thought would _never_ let him in. And yet, they were the ones who protected the family the most. They had more reason than anyone else to be suspicious of Gavin, and they _trusted_ him. A tiny, nagging doubt scratched at the back of their mind. _Maybe Gavin planned this whole thing. Maybe he sold us out to his mom. Maybe the whole thing, the_ whole thing, _has been a trick from the beginning._

Their mind went to how Gavin had looked yesterday, bleeding, screaming as that fucking idiot Leo tortured him. Remembered the fucking _brokenness_ on Gavin’s face as he gave away Isaac’s worst fear. There was no one on earth who could fake that. No one who was _that_ dedicated to a lie.

It hadn’t even been Isaac’s worst fear.

Ellis knew Isaac’s worst fear just as well as anyone else in the family. They’d seen it as Isaac had unraveled, fallen apart and then slowly put himself back together again over the past few months. They’d seen the panic attacks, heard about the nightmares. They’d _been there_ as Isaac had begged to the empty air not to be left, sobbing that he could be good. Ellis knew that Isaac’s worst fear was _abandonment._ And Gavin had somehow kept that to himself, despite the torture. As Leo’s knife had cut into him, he’d somehow found a way to spill Isaac’s secret, with the only other witness standing over him, and spill it in such a way that Leo might not even _think_ about the fact that Gavin was wrong. There was _no way_ Gavin could have done that if he’d betrayed them all. No way in hell. For a dizzying moment, Ellis thought, _holy shit. He must care about us so fucking much._

_Unless Gavin legitimately_ didn’t know _that waterboarding isn’t technically Isaac’s worst fear._ Could Gavin just have completely missed it, both during Isaac’s torture and during his recovery up north?

_No. Gavin’s a dumbass, but even he isn’t that stupid. Gavin knew, and Gavin lied._ And Gavin had _screamed_ as Isaac was drowned right in front of him. Sobbed like his heart was being torn out.

Ellis let the image slide from their mind.

They weren’t sure how much longer they were left alone; it could have been minutes, or it could have been another hour. The door of the cell opened, and two guards walked in.

Behind them was Colleen, Mommy Dearest herself, queen of Colleen’s Fucking Crazy Castle. She stared down at Ellis with a smug grin spread across her face.

Ellis shot to their feet, grinding their teeth together. Their wrists pulled against the chains. They weren’t going to be able to break them, they’d tried for hours when they’d first been brought in. But in that moment, all they wanted was to tear the chains from the wall and beat Colleen to death with their bare hands.

“Afternoon, Ellis,” Colleen said, her voice twisting sinuously through Ellis’s ears. “How are you faring?”

“Suck my entire asshole, you vicious _bitch,_ come over here and I’ll show you how I’m faring,” Ellis snarled.

Colleen let out a peal of delighted laughter. “Lord, you’re all so _feisty!_ I enjoy this to no end. Such a _fire_ in each of you. It’s like a new advertisement for anger management each time.” She gestured at Ellis. “Shut them up, please.”

Ellis leaned forward, a flush creeping up their neck and over their face. “Fuck you, you flaming piece of shit, I’ll take your whole fucking arm and tear it off your fucking body and shove it up your—”

They growled as a guard slapped his hand over Ellis’s mouth, reaching for the gag that hung around their neck. Ellis twisted their head and bit down hard on the guard’s hand.

The guard yelped and pulled their hand away from Ellis’s mouth. They slapped Ellis across the face with the other. Ellis staggered and lunged forward again, wincing at the pinch of the manacles on their wrists and _not giving a single flying fuck._ They shrieked as one guard grabbed them by the hair, the other shoving the gag back in their mouth. Both guards stepped away.

The bitten one shook out his hand, glaring at Ellis. “Fucking _psycho,_ ” he hissed at them. Ellis raised both hands as far as they could go and flipped the guards off.

Colleen laughed. “I could have warned you against that, Jones. I’d avoid going near _any_ of their mouths. Apparently Vera’s habit of biting has spread to all of them.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the guard muttered, and stepped back against the wall with the other.

Ellis turned their glare on Colleen, wishing her head would burst into flames. _I would die for the chance to kill you._ Maybe _that’s_ what they were hoping for. Not rescue, but the chance to kill Colleen Stormbeck.

Colleen smirked. “Something I love most about the gag is that…” She took a sauntering step closer. “…you’re left with nothing but your eyes. That’s the only thing you can use to tell me how much you _hate me._ ” Her voice dropped to a low murmur. She took another step closer. Just out of range of a kick, or a headbutt. Standing there, calmly, grinning at Ellis with an open posture. _If I wasn’t chained up, she wouldn’t be so fucking smug. She’d be fucking dead._

Colleen tilted her head at Ellis. “Do you know why I decided to keep you separated from the others?”

_“No, I have no fucking idea. Let’s have a fucking conversation about it,”_ Ellis mocked through the gag.

Colleen huffed out an amused breath. “Cute.” She licked her lips, as if in anticipation. “I kept you separate from the others because… I can’t even imagine what losing your family for the _second_ time must do to you.”

Ellis’s eyes fell closed for a fraction of a second but they opened them again, throwing a look of pure hate at Colleen. They forced down the tears that welled up in their eyes because there was no way, there was _no fucking way_ they were going to show her how much this hurt. Colleen could burn in hell if she thought she was going to get a reaction from that. _It hurts more than anything else in my entire fucking life._

Colleen’s lips quirked up. “Thought so. Although… just being _separated_ from them… is that really just punishment for the one who _kidnapped_ my nephew?”

A trickle of dread rolled down Ellis’s spine. _No. No._

Colleen shrugged. “No. I mean… obviously we’re going to put you to work, I can’t just have you wasting away in this cell doing _nothing._ I have yet to decide what your assignment will be, but I’ll figure something out.” Colleen’s eyes locked on Ellis’s. “Although I won’t bother you much. You won’t see me again until I’ve killed another one.”

The air rushed out of Ellis’s chest like they’d been punched in the gut. Their eyes moved frantically over Colleen’s face, searching desperately for a sign she was lying: a shifting of her eyes, a twitch of her lip, a motion made just a little too quickly. They found nothing. Nothing but a cold, placid stare that betrayed nothing but _truth._

Ellis cried out and fell to their knees. _Who was it? Was it Isaac? Was it Vera? Did she kill her for killing those guards? Oh, god, oh god no, was it Sam? No… no, god, please no, they’re innocent, they didn’t do a fucking thing to Colleen…_ Tears streamed down their cheeks as their shoulders heaved with sobs.

“Wouldn’t you like to know which one I killed?” Colleen said, her voice smooth and dripping venom. Ellis looked up at her, their heart beating out of their chest, terrorized with their need to know, and wishing they could drown out Colleen’s voice so they wouldn’t have to hear which one of their team, their _family,_ was lying lifeless somewhere.

Colleen’s face slid into a poisonous smile. She opened her mouth to speak and paused for just a moment. _Relishing_ it. When she spoke, each word fell from her lips like a physical weight.

“Finn Dunham is dead.”

Ellis let out a scream. They sagged forward, gasping desperately around the gag, struggling to draw a breath as they wailed against the floor. They panted as they sobbed, trying to breathe around the tearing in their chest, trying to grasp the words that were echoing through their mind: _Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead._

_FINN’S NOT DEAD. THEY CAN’T BE DEAD. THEY CAN’T BE… NO NO NO NO NO NO._

Colleen smirked and turned to go.

Ellis dragged the gag out of their mouth. _“SHOW ME THE FUCKING BODY,”_ they screamed.

Colleen paused and slowly turned around, her face twisted into an amused half-smile. “Excuse me?”

_“SHOW ME THE BODY,”_ they sobbed. “I don’t… _I don’t believe you._ ” _THEY CAN’T BE DEAD, PLEASE, NO, FINN CAN’T BE DEAD._

Colleen scoffed. “When I’ve killed them all, I promise I’ll take you to them. That’ll probably be months from now, but once they’re all dead, I promise, I’ll take you to _all_ of their bodies. You can take one last look before I put a bullet in your head and dump you all into the same grave. How sweet is that? You can all be together then.” Colleen grasped Ellis’s hair and dragged their head upright, her gaze moving over Ellis’s face as they wailed. “But until then,” she murmured, leaning towards Ellis, “That’s more goodbye than you deserve.”

She dropped Ellis’s head and turned on her heel. Ellis sagged forward, their forehead pressing to the floor as they buried their face in their hands and sobbed.


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please heed new tags and warnings!

As Gavin turned the corner into his room, his stomach dropped.

His mother stood in the middle of the room, her lips curved into a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Cold. Poisonous. The guards flanking Gavin on either side nudged him further into the room and took up posts on either side of his door.

For a moment, Gavin was seized with terror. _She’s decided she’s going to kill me. She’s decided it’s over, I’m a lost cause, I’ll never be a Stormbeck again. Not that I ever stopped being one. Just got a little too into the fantasy of being anyone else._

“Evening, sweetheart,” Colleen said softly.

Gavin’s throat clicked as he swallowed drily. “H-hi, mom,” he breathed.

Colleen took a step to the side, and Gavin’s body rocked forward with a terrible stab of horror. Isaac knelt behind her on the floor, partially shrouded in shadow. He was gagged again, sagging forward against the chains on his wrists, his face lined with exhaustion. Gavin knew the back of Isaac’s shirt must be crossed with lines of blood from the caning.

_So this is why she had me brought to my room so early,_ Gavin thought, his head ringing. _She wants me to hurt him again. Christ, already? Haven’t I hurt him enough in the past twenty-four hours?_

Colleen’s smile grew wider. “You told me once that Isaac looked _so good_ in chains sweetheart,” Colleen said, her voice a little colder.

Isaac wearily raised his head to look at Gavin. There was something in his eyes, despair, maybe. And something else. _Compassion._ Gavin’s heart twisted uncomfortably. _After everything I’ve done to you, you can still look at me like that. You’re better than I could have ever deserved._

“I… I did, mom,” Gavin croaked.

Colleen waved a hand at Isaac. “And do you like how he looks now?”

Gavin’s head fell forward and he clenched his jaw shut, shaking his head at the wash of guilt and shame that dragged at his body. His eyes filled with tears but he forced them down. _I am the last fucking person who deserves to cry right now. Isaac is the one suffering. I’m the one eating gourmet meals and being let outside when I want to be outside._ Gavin passed his hand over his face, dashing the tears from his eyes. He lifted his head to look at Isaac.

Colleen took a slow step toward Isaac, then another. Isaac watched her warily, not like he was preparing to defend himself, but like he was calculating the precise moment the pain would come.

_I’ve seen that look before._

Colleen’s hand shot out and jerked Isaac’s head back by his hair. He grunted softly, glaring up at her as she stared down into his eyes. She smiled and turned back to Gavin.

“I waited for you to come back to me for _months,”_ she said quietly. “I thought my son was dead. Now you’re back. And I want to give you _everything_.” She pulled Isaac’s head back harder and he whimpered. “So I give you him. You’ve helped me hurt him. You’ve helped me _break_ him, sweetheart. But I’ve seen the way you look at him.” Icy terror clenched in Gavin’s gut. “Now I want you to _have_ him.” She snapped her fingers at the guards who stood along the wall.

_“No,”_ Gavin breathed. His stomach twisted in horror as he looked at Isaac, Colleen forcing Isaac’s head up enough that Isaac was forced to look at Gavin, too. Isaac’s eyes were wide with disbelief and terror, and Gavin could hear Isaac’s frightened gasps from across the room. “Mom, _no._ Please.”

The guards were already on Isaac, freeing him so he was no longer chained to the floor. Keeping his wrists locked behind him. Isaac’s eyes were fixed on Gavin in a desperate, silent plea.

_“No?”_ his mother pitched her voice high in false astonishment. “Look at him. You mean you don’t want him?”

Gavin licked his lips and he stared at Isaac, as the guards wrestled him to his feet. Started dragging him to the bed. _I do want him. I always wanted him. Just not like this._ Never _like this._

Gavin whimpered. “Mom. _Please._ I don’t… I don’t want… _please_ … please don’t make me…” Tears burned on Gavin’s cheeks. The guards heaved Isaac onto the bed and pinned him down on his back. Isaac thrashed against their hands, weaker than he’d been before.

Colleen walked over to Gavin and carefully took his face in her hands. He looked down at her, anguish pulling at his chest, his tears spilling over her fingers. She smiled gently at him. “I want you to have _everything_ you want, sweetheart,” she said softly. “So take him. Take him, right now. Be my son. Be my Gavin Stormbeck. This is who you are, sweetheart. This is who you have always been, and always will be.”

_I would have tried, would have tried to do anything. I would have tried to do everything in my power to keep him alive until I can get him out. Even hurt him. Even torture him. But this… I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this. I can’t… I can’t_ rape _him._

_“No.”_

Colleen’s smile fell. “Honey,” she said softly, her voice low and deadly, “Are you saying you can’t be who you are as a Stormbeck? I understand now why you didn’t want to _damage_ him… Such a handsome bed toy. But are you telling me you can’t fuck your own plaything? Gavin, this is what we _do._ We take what we want. If you can’t do that… if you _truly_ can’t do that, if you can’t be my son…”

Gavin could read the threat in her words as clearly as if she had spelled it out. _“If you can’t be my son, then I’m going to kill you.”_

_I’d rather die than rape Isaac._

Gavin lifted his chin, meeting his mother’s eyes. His lips trembled and he pressed them together. _If I can’t be your son, if_ this _is what you want your son to be, then you’ll have to kill me._

Colleen’s eyes darted back and forth between his own, considering. Calculating. Her lip twitched into a flash of a sneer. For a moment, Gavin felt a bitter sting of triumph. _I’ll die, but I won’t be this for you anymore. I won’t be the one to torture him anymore._

Her glare hardened. Her mouth pulled into a bigger smile. Smug. Gavin swallowed hard.

“It’s alright,” she murmured. “It’s alright. You need more time. I can see that. For him, on the other hand…” She turned to throw a glance back at Isaac where he lay shivering under the guards’ hands. “…you have shown repeatedly that using him is just… too much for you.” Colleen tilted her head. “So I’ll take this upon myself. I’ll dispose of him.”

“N-no—”

“And I know exactly how to do it.” Colleen wet her lips. “He still deserves punishment, even if you can’t enjoy him properly. So…” She tossed her head in amusement. “Did you know you can die from waterboarding?”

_“NO!”_ Gavin roared, as Isaac screamed wordlessly through his gag. Gavin looked at him as Isaac leaned forward in the guards’ grip, his whole body trembling. Isaac stared at Gavin, naked terror written across his face. Isaac shook his head desperately.

_“No,_ mom,” Gavin sobbed. “Don’t kill him, don’t…” All the air rushed out of his lungs. “No no _no,_ please, don’t… don’t do this…”

“Then use him, sweetheart. There’s no reason on earth for him to live if you aren’t using him.” Colleen took Gavin’s chin in her hand. “Do you think you could do that for me? Do you think you could use your own plaything?” Her voice dripped with condescension.

Gavin looked at Isaac, at the fear in every line of his body. Looked at the blood on his clothes, at the scars he could just barely see in the dim light of his room. Looked at the man he’d tortured, at the man he’d tried to hunt down after he escaped. Looked at the man he’d sought out as a last-ditch effort to save his own life. Looked at the man who had risked death for him, had stood in front of a loaded gun for him, had let strangers cut into his skin, had come to Gavin’s room in the middle of the night because he’d heard Gavin screaming in his sleep. He looked at the man he _loved,_ the man he never thought he could hurt again. His mouth hardened into a line.

Isaac saw him, too. Gavin watched his face change, watched his terror move slowly into understanding. Acceptance. _He knows this is going to happen, and he knows this is a losing fight._

Gavin swallowed his tears. Swallowed his hatred for himself. He took a shuddering breath and met his mother’s eyes. “Okay,” he whispered.

Colleen grinned. “Excellent. Go on, sweetheart. You’ll find everything you need in your nightstand.”

“Are you…” Gavin swallowed thickly. “Are you going to… _watch?_ ”

“Not closely,” Colleen said with a shrug. “But I am going to make sure you do this. I wouldn’t want you _lying_ to me. I want to make sure my son is telling the _truth._ ”

Gavin’s stomach heaved with disgust. He clenched his jaw and turned to Isaac. _If this is what I have to do to keep him safe…_ Maybe he was being selfish. Maybe Isaac would rather die than fuck Gavin, and Gavin couldn’t blame him.

_But_ I _can’t let Isaac die,_ Gavin thought with a wave of shame. _I can’t lose him._

The guards stepped away from Isaac as Gavin reached the bed. They both watched Isaac warily as they moved back against the wall, then averted their eyes from the bed. Gavin’s hands started to shake.

Isaac looked up at Gavin, fear and shame moving across his face, too. Tears rolled down Gavin’s cheeks and pressed his hand to his mouth, trying to muffle his sobs. _If I don’t do this now, she’s just going to put him down anyway._ Wishing he could claw his own heart out of his chest, he kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed on top of Isaac.

Isaac blinked tears out of his eyes and blew out a steadying breath. Gavin dragged the gag out of Isaac’s mouth. It was the _least_ he could fucking do. He couldn’t free Isaac, but he could give him his voice back. Could let Isaac call him a coward, and a rapist, and worse.

_“I’m sorry,”_ Gavin huffed into Isaac’s neck as he lowered himself over Isaac, keeping his voice low so no one else could hear. He avoided the collar as best he could. “I’m sorry, I’m _sorry,_ I never wanted this, I n-never—”

“It’s okay,” Isaac breathed. Gavin shuddered and muffled a sob into his pillow. “I… I want you to take me. I can’t… can’t let her kill you.”

Gavin barely held down his wail of despair and shame. _He’d let me fuck him right here, just to save my life. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it._ Gavin reached down and pulled the blanket up over them both.

“You can do that, darling,” Colleen said from across the room, “But if I check him and find that you’ve lied to me, I’ll be _incredibly_ disappointed. I’ll _have_ to put him down then.”

Gavin shuddered in horror from the implication of what meant. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

His stomach pitched as he wondered how the fuck he was supposed to be _capable_ of fucking Isaac like this. He didn’t want to, he didn’t _want_ to. And yet… he wanted Isaac. It had taken him an embarrassingly long time to _realize_ that, to _realize_ that his desire for Isaac’s safety, his attention, his desire to have his hands on him were all just different forms of _want._ He _did_ want Isaac. He wanted Isaac more than he’d ever wanted anything else in his life.

He could think about the dream. He could think about being alone with Isaac in his room back up north, kissing him, naked with him, moving with him until they both cried out with pleasure. Gavin refused to kiss Isaac now, refused to strip him naked, because that would make this a cruel mockery of making love when all this was, was _rape._ No, he’d keep Isaac’s clothes on as much as he possibly could, to give him as much privacy and dignity as was humanly possible when really they were stuck in hell.

Gavin buried his face in Isaac’s neck, doing his best to breathe slowly. He had to do this. He _had_ to, or Isaac would die in the way he feared the most. Gavin realized with a jolt that he’d gotten Isaac’s smell exactly right in his dream. Now it was tainted by the smell of fear and the leather collar around his neck, but it was still _Isaac._ Warm, human, and irrevocably anything but Gavin’s. He let it wash over him, let it awaken so many memories of Isaac. Of how close Isaac had been to him when he’d stood between Gavin and Daniel Schiester when they first arrived north. Of how he’d carried Gavin away from the square where he’d been caned, Gavin’s blood staining Isaac’s shirt. Of how he’d let Gavin hug him after saving his life from the assassins. Isaac was underneath him now, warm and vital, strong and completely fucking helpless. And Gavin had to fuck him.

Isaac tilted his head back slightly, breathing hard as Gavin moved over him, and arched himself up just slightly against Gavin’s body. “I w-want you to do it,” Isaac whispered in a tremulous voice. “It’s okay. Please, just… I can’t let her kill you. And please… d-don’t let her…”

“I won’t,” Gavin said, and pressed his forehead against Isaac’s temple. “I won’t let her do that to you. I _can’t._ ” He reached down beneath the blanket and undid Isaac’s belt.

Isaac’s head fell back against the pillow and he whimpered softly, a tear running from the corner of his eye. The sound clutched at Gavin’s heart.

“I’m sorry,” Isaac whispered. “I didn’t mean to… I don’t mean to make this harder.”

“Don’t fucking apologize to me,” Gavin growled. “Don’t… e- _ever_ do that. This isn’t your fault.”

“Awful lot of chit-chat,” Colleen said snidely from the opposite side of the room.

_“Fuck off, mom,”_ Gavin growled over his shoulder as she inspected her nails. “If you’re going to fucking be here, don’t give me fucking _pointers._ ”

Colleen rolled her eyes. “I suppose it may be a little embarrassing to be in bed with your plaything with your mother around,” she said airily. “Although we always did try to raise you with a healthy view of sex. Fine.” She looked around at the guards. “If my son gives you _any_ reason to believe this whole ordeal is a charade, let me know _immediately,_ ” she said. “Good night, darling. I hope you have a good time.” She turned and walked out of the room.

Gavin breathed a meager sigh of relief at her absence. Isaac looked relieved as well, until Gavin’s hands went back to the front of Isaac’s pants. Isaac bit his lip as tears formed in his eyes.

“I’ll try to make it fast,” Gavin whispered desperately. “I… I’ll try not to hurt you, Isaac, I’m so _sorry_ …”

“Shh,” soothed Isaac. “It’s okay. Just make it happen.”

_This is just another mission to him,_ Gavin realized. Something deep within him died a little.

Gavin eased Isaac’s pants off over his hips and settled himself between his legs. “Is this—”

“Just take them off,” Isaac breathed. “Easier.”

“Okay,” Gavin said softly. He pulled Isaac’s pants off over one leg, and his underwear as well. Then the other leg. Gavin tried to push down the rush of something exciting and _terrible_ as he dropped Isaac’s pants and underwear off the side of his bed. He reached over to his nightstand to find what his mother had meant when she said he’d have everything he needed. He pawed around and found only a bottle of lube. Gavin’s heart sunk in his chest. _You don’t need condoms if you’re fucking a plaything._

Still, he had to say it. “I…” He licked his lips. “I’m clean. I mean…”

“So am I,” Isaac said weakly, his breaths coming faster. Gavin nodded, quivering with self-hatred as he reached again for the bottle and slicked his fingers.

_I’ve done this before,_ Gavin urged himself. _This is no different. It’s no different. It’s fine. It_ has _to be fine._ He squeezed his eyes closed for a moment as he brought his hand back under the blanket. He bent Isaac’s legs and gently eased them apart. He forced himself to look at Isaac. “Ready?” he murmured.

Isaac nodded once. “Yeah.”

Gavin pressed a finger into him.

Isaac whined softly at the invasion, and Gavin could feel him trembling under him. Fuck, he was _tight._

_That’s because I’m raping him,_ Gavin thought with a vicious lash of shame.

Slowly, carefully, he eased Isaac open. Getting him ready, so it wouldn’t hurt. Making it as easy as he possibly could. Once Isaac felt relaxed enough, Gavin added a second finger. Isaac squeezed his eyes shut and forced out a slow breath.

“It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay,” Isaac whispered to himself. Gavin turned his head away so Isaac wouldn’t see the tears that sprang to his eyes. He worked his fingers gently into Isaac, easing him open, moving _so so slowly_. If he could do nothing else, he could do this. He could do his best not to hurt Isaac.

Gavin tried not to listen to the little hisses, the groans, as he worked. Tried not to feel Isaac shudder underneath him. Tried not to feel Isaac tighten around his fingers as he added a third. He almost wished Isaac could never be ready. He could figure something out then, couldn’t he? Explain to his mother that Isaac couldn’t be fucked last night, that he was injured, that he was sick, that he just needed more _time_ … But that would only spell Isaac’s death. He had to do this, tonight.

Soon, agonizingly soon, Isaac was ready. Gavin shuddered as he withdrew his fingers, then opened the front of his own pants. He was horrified to find that while he’d been distracted trying to prepare Isaac, he’d become rock hard. He shoved the thought out of his mind, the thought that that meant he was _enjoying_ this.

But if he couldn’t fuck Isaac, Isaac would die. This was for the best, wasn’t it? He reached for the lube again and slicked his own cock. He positioned himself over Isaac, half-wishing he would be struck dead on the spot. He forced himself to look at Isaac, and was startled to find Isaac looking right back at him. Gavin’s lips trembled.

“Ready?” he whispered. Isaac held his gaze, and nodded.

Gavin pressed himself in.

Isaac’s eyes slid shut and he gasped as Gavin entered him. Gavin could almost feel his soul dying, could almost feel his name being taken down for roll call in hell. _I tortured him, I fell for him, I promised I would never hurt him again… and now I’m raping him in my own bed, in my mother’s house, with the rest of his family in cells somewhere, waiting to die._ The feeling of bone-crushing shame almost forced something else out of his mind… the feeling of _pleasure_ that washed over Gavin all at once.

_No. NO. I… I can’t be enjoying this, oh, god…_ He bit down hard on his lip until the skin broke open and bled. _Stop it. This is not about me._

“Does that hurt?” Gavin asked weakly.

Isaac shook his head. “No. No. You’re okay. You can… you c-can keep going.”

Gavin whimpered and let his head drop onto Isaac’s shoulder. He swallowed his tears, and began to move.

Isaac groaned softly as Gavin began to roll his hips into Isaac’s, to fuck him as gently as he possibly could. Gavin screwed his eyes shut and tried to focus on nothing but the feeling in his own body, praying that it would be over soon.

A sort of unreality moved through Gavin’s mind. _I’m inside Isaac Moore._ How many times had he imagined this, just in the past few days? He knew he could never be with Isaac, and yet this is where his mind had strayed over and over again before reaching his mother’s house. That fact filled him with shame all over again. _I promised him I wasn’t trying to start anything, and I still fantasized about being in bed with him._ Despite himself, he whimpered.

“Hey,” Isaac whispered. Gavin’s eyes flew open to see Isaac staring him with a gut-wrenching look of _worry._ “It’s okay.”

“Don’t say that,” Gavin murmured. “Don’t say that, don’t _ever fucking say that._ Please, Isaac. I… I’m _raping you_ …”

Isaac’s face twisted in pain, but he held Gavin’s gaze. “No,” he said softly. “You’re saving my life.”

Gavin heaved a sob and buried his face into Isaac’s neck. “Oh my god,” he whimpered. “Oh my… no, _no_ …”

“Gavin,” Isaac murmured into his hair. “Come on. P-please.”

“I can stop,” Gavin said quickly. “I’m sorry. I can—”

“No.”

Gavin raised his head. Isaac’s gaze still pierced into him.

Isaac shook his head. “Don’t stop. She’ll kill us both, and I… Gavin, I, I _can’t_ … l-let you…”

_He’s too good for me. In a million lifetimes, I could never deserve him._

“Okay,” Gavin whimpered. “Okay. I’ll try to make it fast.” He grasped Isaac’s hip and began to fuck Isaac harder than before.

_It’s to save his life to save his life to save his life to save his life to save his life._ He tried to focus on the pleasure building between his legs, coiling in his pelvis, glowing a little brighter with each thrust. Tried to focus on nothing else.

Tried not to focus on the _sounds_ Isaac was making.

Because while Gavin did his best to hold down every moan and whine of pleasure, Isaac sounded like he was doing the same… and _failing._ Quiet groans made their way out from between Isaac’s lips, his eyes fluttering shut as Gavin worked himself even deeper. Gavin angled Isaac’s hips a little higher against his, and completely lost his rhythm as Isaac _cried out_.

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whimpered, “I’m sorry, Isaac, I’m _sorry,_ I didn’t mean to hurt you, I—”

“You didn’t,” Isaac gasped. “You… you didn’t.”

A burning flush crept over Gavin’s face. _Oh._ His eyes filled with tears as a jumble of thoughts moved through his head all at once.

_He’s lying, and I did hurt him._

_I forced him to feel pleasure he didn’t want._

_He should never be forced to_ enjoy _being fucked like this._

_He’s faking for my benefit, so I finish faster._

He shoved them all away, and focused on working his hips against Isaac’s. Isaac arched and panted as Gavin fucked him, whimpering high in his throat. Sweat prickled on Gavin’s skin. He was getting close, he was getting _so damned close_ … He adjusted his hold on Isaac’s hip and pulled Isaac a little harder against him.

Isaac’s mouth fell open in a wanton moan. It pushed Gavin over the edge. He groaned and spilled himself into Isaac, pleasure punching through him like a thunderclap. He collapsed on Isaac’s chest and quivered with his orgasm as it faded and cooled in him. His head spun.

“C-can I…” Gavin swallowed hard. “D-do you want me to… to make you… feel good?”

“Ah…” Isaac thrust his hips up into Gavin’s, just slightly. “You… you _did_ —”

“Get his pants on,” one of the guards ordered.

Gavin jumped, the heat inside him freezing to a diamond-hard slab of shame. “What… but I… you’re…”

“What, you wanna _cuddle?_ ” another mocked. “You heard Evans. Get his fucking pants on.”

“It’s okay,” Isaac whispered. “It’s okay. Just… just do it. Don’t give them a reason to—”

“Shut the fuck up,” the first guard snapped.

Gavin’s stomach lurched as he pulled out of Isaac, cum soaking into the sheets beneath them. Gavin leaned over the side of the bed to get Isaac’s pants and underwear. Gavin quickly tucked himself in his pants and guided Isaac’s pants and underwear back over his legs. He pulled Isaac’s pants up over his hips and buttoned them, then fastened his belt.

The three guards in the room moved quickly to Gavin’s bed and dragged Isaac bodily onto the floor. Gavin cried out and reached for Isaac before he yanked his hand back. _They know I fucked him. They can’t know I love him, too._

To Gavin’s horror, the guards put Isaac back into the shackles he’d seen Isaac in twice today already, and pulled him roughly to his feet. They stuffed the gag back in Isaac’s mouth and pushed him towards the door. Just as he disappeared into the hallway, Isaac looked back at Gavin, an unreadable expression on his face.

Gavin collapsed back onto his bed and erupted into sobs. Shame curled inside his chest like a living thing. _I raped him. I raped Isaac. I crawled on top of him while he was handcuffed and raped him._ His chest ached, and his lungs burned. _Even the thing I never did when I was beyond evil, I just did to Isaac. I took the man I love and I forced myself into him._

Gavin wailed and curled up on his side, trembling, heaving with every sob. He buried his head in his arms. His sheets still smelled like Isaac.


	62. Chapter 62

Isaac stumbled as the guards herded him back to his cell. His mind was a blank void, each thought passing through and then leaving just as quickly. Leaving him empty. Hollow.

He realized with a jolt that the guards hadn’t hooded him this time. He tried to force himself to focus, to remember the twists and turns that led back to his cell. Hall after hall, room after room. _What need could the Stormbecks possibly have for all these rooms?_ That thought swirled away, too. There was nothing in him. Nothing but horror.

Horror at _himself._ He knew Gavin didn’t want to rape him. He knew Gavin didn’t even want that when he was willing to torture Isaac until he was dead. The fact that Gavin wanted him _now_ was irrelevant. Isaac knew Gavin would rather die than rape him. Had been _ready_ to die rather than rape Isaac. Isaac didn’t blame Gavin. He _couldn’t_ blame Gavin. He’d seen how doing that – Isaac couldn’t think of it as fucking, as _rape,_ without his mind rebelling – had broken Gavin. He’d felt Gavin’s tears as they soaked into the pillow beneath him, as they’d run into the leather collar around Isaac’s neck. Had felt Gavin trembling as his hands moved over him. Had felt the sobs that wracked Gavin’s body as he held Isaac and fucked him.

No, he couldn’t blame Gavin at all. He knew it had torn Gavin’s heart out to do it.

What he felt was horror at _himself._ Because there in Gavin’s room, beaten, bloody, handcuffed and collared and _terrified,_ he had… felt something. Maybe it was the touch, the first thing that felt good since he’d been taken. Maybe it was the warmth of another body on top of him, a body that he _knew_ meant him no harm. Maybe it was the feeling of someone wanting him, of putting their hands on him and _taking_ him. Maybe it was that feeling of longing that he buried deep inside him that never went away, that aching need for closeness. For someone to press themselves against him and move with him, _feel_ him.

Or maybe… maybe it was that the person doing those things was _Gavin._

No. _No._ Gavin was… Gavin was so many things now, but he wasn’t… he _couldn’t_ be something to Isaac. He was better, he was good, he was _changed,_ but he was…

Isaac wasn’t sure what Gavin was anymore.

Now that Gavin had had him, now that he’d had Isaac in his bed, now that he’d been inside him and moved in him and groaned against Isaac’s skin… What did that mean? What did that make Isaac? He wasn’t Gavin’s plaything. Wasn’t his slave. Gavin would never do that to him, not ever. But… something had happened. Something _terrible,_ something that made Isaac want to curl up into himself until he disappeared. He’d been fucked, he’d been _raped,_ violated in the worst way, at the order of the woman who was torturing his family. He knew it wasn’t Gavin, but _Colleen_ who had done this to him. He knew it was _she_ who had taken his body and used it for destruction and ruination. She’d used Gavin’s body in the exact same way. Isaac knew in his bones that Gavin had been raped, too, just as much as Isaac had. And Gavin had the added brutality done to his mind, because he would blame _himself._

Isaac had seen it as the guards dragged him out. Had seen the agony, the _hate_ on Gavin’s face. Hatred of _himself._ Hatred of his body, of what his body had done to Isaac. Gavin blamed himself, and Isaac’s heart broke for it.

And yet… in all the horror, the fear, the pain, there was something under it. Isaac couldn’t hide what Gavin had made him feel. He’d tried, tried _so fucking hard_ to silence the sounds he was making, to stop his body from pressing up against Gavin’s. He’d tried _so fucking hard_ not to cry out as Gavin moved in him, not in pain, but with _pleasure._ It was something he hadn’t felt in such a long time, the heat, the feeling of skin on skin, of disappearing into himself and into the other person at the same time. It had been _so fucking long_ since someone had him like that, and the one thing Isaac couldn’t get out of his head was how fucking _good_ it felt.

And more than that, _worse_ than that, it had gone deeper than simple pleasure. Isaac had watched Gavin scream as Isaac had been waterboarded, had watched Gavin bleed under Leo’s knife rather than tell his mother how to break Isaac again. Had lied, had lied _so fucking well._ Gavin truly was a master at taking people apart, but he also knew the threads that he could pull and twist until there was nothing that distinguished the truth from his lies. Gavin had lied for all of them, and he lived every single moment with a sword over his head, ready to kill him if he was ever found out. And under that threat, under that pain, he’d found a way to save Isaac’s life again.

Isaac shivered. Gavin had found a way to save his life with the bounty hunters. He’d saved their lives, just by being so fucking _broken_ that Daniel Schiester disregarded him as a true threat. He’d given them the safe path to Fort Meyers, gotten them through hundreds of miles of territory infested with syndicate members and sympathizers all waiting for a chance to collect their reward… or put the family down. Gavin Stormbeck had torn apart their lives, broken Isaac, hurt his family… but Gavin Uriah had risked _everything_ to keep the family safe. Gavin Uriah _was_ Isaac’s family. And Isaac felt something for him. Isaac felt something, a force rising in his body that urged him to _protect._ To hold Gavin. To be with him, just _be_ with him, without all the pain and terror. The urge to—

Isaac pushed it down. Whatever he felt for Gavin, whatever it was that was coursing through his veins right now, it couldn’t be… it couldn’t be… _feelings,_ like what Gavin had for Isaac. It couldn’t be that. It _couldn’t be that._ It had to be the torture. It had to be him seeking comfort from one of the people in hell with him. Isaac had told Gavin he would never want to be with him. He’d told Gavin that he would never have him. And yet…

Gavin _had_ taken Isaac, and Isaac had panted and sweat and cried out with it. Isaac had been brought _so close_ to the crest of his pleasure, with Gavin moving in him, pressed against him, trying not to cry out, too. Isaac had seen it. And he’d understood. But for Isaac…

What did it mean that he still felt the ghost of Gavin inside him, and wanted that _again?_ What did it mean that as Isaac was pinned on his back, with his hands cuffed behind him, he’d longed to pull Gavin closer, _harder_ against him? What did it mean that as Gavin buried his face in Isaac’s neck, Isaac wanted to turn his head and find Gavin’s mouth with his?

Gavin hadn’t kissed him since his… _disastrous_ confession. And Isaac had pushed down the feeling of Gavin’s lips on his, had forced it out of his mind. _I miss touch. I just miss touch._ But it was more than that. He didn’t just want touch, he wanted _Gavin_ to touch him. He wanted to see how it felt to have Gavin pin him to the bed and fuck him _properly,_ hands pushing him down, feeling Gavin’s mouth on his skin and tasting Gavin, too.

_STOP._

Isaac felt disgusting. He felt like the lowest scum of the earth. How could he have _enjoyed_ that? How could he _want that_ again, when it had so clearly torn Gavin apart? This was worse than Gavin enjoying his pain, because Gavin hadn’t _cared_ about Isaac then. At least, not the way he cared for Isaac now. And here Isaac was, being led back to the cells where he’d have to face his family, thinking about the feeling of Gavin’s hands on him and wanting _more_ of that.

_How do I fucking explain to them that some part of me wants that again?_

_It’s just torture. I’ve done this before. It’s just torture, and it’s breaking me again._

Isaac blinked. The guards were stopped in front of the door to the cells. _I had the opportunity to make a plan, to remember the path, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t, because my mind is fucking weak, and I’m a fucking monster. I’m the lowest piece of shit imaginable, because I felt good while my friend raped me._

Friend. No, Gavin was more than that now. Isaac didn’t know what, but Gavin was something else entirely. Gavin was someone Isaac _wanted,_ and he hated himself for it.

The guards opened the door and pushed Isaac inside. He stood numbly as they unshackled his feet and guided him into the cell. There was a sound nearby, a voice, maybe. Isaac didn’t know why he couldn’t understand it. It was as if the voice was coming to him from underwater, from miles away. Where was he?

He was forced to his knees. The _crack_ , the jolt that shuddered up his body brought him back a little bit. He shook his head slowly, like he was moving through molasses.

_“Wha—”_ His tongue felt like putty in his mouth. _“Wh-what is…”_ He realized, dimly, he was talking through the gag.

His hands were moved in front of him and chained to the wall. He blinked slowly. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

A noise caught his attention and he turned his head. Sam was there – _Sam was there, where is Sam?_ – their face pulled into a mask of terror. They were talking. Their lips were moving, but there was no sound.

_Oh._

Isaac turned his ears on, like flipping a switch in his brain.

“…Isaac, _Isaac,_ can you hear me? Isaac? Oh my… my _god,_ Isaac, what did they _do_ …?”

Isaac clumsily pulled the gag from between his teeth. “Um…” The sound rolled around in Isaac’s mouth. “I…”

“What’s wrong with him?” Finn cried, so far away, so far away. “Why didn’t they… why didn’t they come get me?”

“S-Sam, what…” Vera’s voice. Shaking. Terrified. “…what’s _wrong_ with him?”

“I don’t know.” Sam crawled forward, as close to Isaac as they could get, their arms dragged behind them by the chains. “Isaac? Isaac, can you… can you _talk_ to me, Isaac?”

“Why can’t he _talk?_ ” Tori wailed. “Sam… _please_ tell us what’s going on!”

“Um…” Sam swallowed hard. “He’s… he’s okay, he doesn’t look injured, but he… he’s really out of it…”

“Did they drug him?” Vera again.

_Why are they so worried? I’m fine._

“I don’t _know,_ ” Sam whimpered. “I don’t… I don’t _know._ ” They strained forward, trembling. _“Isaac,”_ they said softly. “Isaac, _please_ …”

“I…” _Fuck, why is it so hard to talk?_ “I… I’m-m, okay.” He was here in the cell, wasn’t he? So why didn’t his body feel like it was here?

“Isaac, what did they _do?_ ” Sam whispered. “What did they, what did they _do?_ ”

Isaac wobbled on his knees and fell slightly to the side. “Um…” He licked his lips. “I’m okay.”

_“Stop saying that!”_ Sam cried, tears streaming down their face. “Stop trying to be, to be _brave_ or something, please…” They gasped out a sob. “Please tell me what they did!”

“Th-they didn’t hurt me,” Isaac mumbled, blinking slowly. “They, um…” How was he supposed to say it? He still felt sore, in that good way he’d felt before, but so fucking long ago. He could still smell Gavin on his clothes, could smell the _fear_ he was still putting off. How was he supposed to tell them all? They’d hate Gavin forever. They’d hate him for what he did, and they wouldn’t understand that it _wasn’t Gavin’s fault._ If they ever escaped, they’d kill Gavin, or leave him to die. _Can’t let Gavin get hurt. Have to protect Gavin._

“Isaac, _please,_ ” Sam begged. _“Please.”_

“Isaac,” Vera said in the next cell. “You can tell us. Please, we… we want to help you…”

He had to tell them. The words were in his mouth, burning him, and he had to get them out. He couldn’t keep them inside another second. They were poisoning him. If he didn’t give name to what happened, he was going to die.

“They…” He whimpered. “She made him fuck me.”

Sam went perfectly still. _“What?”_ they breathed.

“H-he…” Isaac was shaking. When did he start shaking? “He d-didn’t want to. He didn’t _want_ to. Sh-she said she’d, um, kill me if he didn’t. She f-forced him to do it. He d-didn’t want to he didn’t want to I didn’t want to…” His voice trailed off in a whimper. He slumped onto his side and curled up into himself.

“Isaac,” Sam whispered. “She… Colleen, she… she made Gavin fuck you?”

_“Yes,”_ Isaac sobbed.

_“No,”_ Vera groaned from the next cell. “Isaac, n- _no,_ Isaac, I’m so sorry, I’m so… no no no _no no no_ …” She trailed off into a whine.

Sam had their hands over their mouth. “Isaac… no, _no,_ Isaac, no… oh my god…”

“Sh-she made him fuck me,” Isaac stuttered. Numb.

Sam looked at Isaac with a tortured expression. Their mouth opened, and then closed, and then opened again. Slowly, they said, “Did… did it… did he hurt you?”

_“NO,”_ Isaac moaned, and covered his head in his hands. “N- _no,_ he didn’t, please… just… leave me alone, I didn’t want it, I didn’t want it, _I didn’t want it._ ”

“I kn-know, Isaac,” Sam breathed. “I know you didn’t.”

“W-wasn’t his fault, his… his fault, wasn’t his fault, he didn’t want to, he didn’t _hurt_ me…”

“Isaac,” Sam whispered. “Isaac, um… deep breaths, Isaac, take a deep breath.”

Isaac didn’t have _lungs,_ how the hell was he supposed to take a deep breath?

“Why do I…? It didn’t _hurt,_ he try, tried to make it not hurt and he… I’m s-sorry, Vera, I’m sorry…”

“Why… why are you apologizing to me?” Vera said, frightened. “You didn’t… You don’t blame _yourself_ …? Isaac… no. _No._ Don’t do that. Don’t you dare do that.”

“But this…” His head spun. “…this… h-hurt you, and—”

“Isaac, _stop,_ ” Vera pleaded in a half-shout. _“Stop it.”_

Isaac covered his head with his arms. “They made him fuck me,” he whispered, shuddering at the sound of Sam’s sobs. “Th-they made him fuck me.” Nothing was real, except the cold floor under him.


	63. Chapter 63

When Gavin woke the next morning, he felt different. He supposed he slept at some point; if he woke up, that meant he had to have fallen asleep.

It didn’t feel like he’d slept, though. He’d tossed and turned all night, shot through with something that went beyond guilt, something that went beyond hatred… He didn’t have a word for it. It was something in him that blackened him and twisted him until he barely felt human anymore. _I raped Isaac last night, and then slept in the bed where I did it._ His sheets still smelled like Isaac, just a little. Every time Gavin moved he caught it, something like a feeling or a memory of Isaac. Again and again, over and over. Good memories, and bad. Isaac protecting him from the northerners. Isaac holding a knife to Gavin’s throat and threatening to kill him with rage in his eyes. Isaac, standing over Gavin in his room after the nightmare, ready to kill him, with Gavin half-hoping he would. Isaac, wrapping his arms around Gavin after he saved him from the assassins. Isaac, lying in the cot next to him on their last night before they reached Fort Meyers. The moment when Gavin told Isaac he loved him. The kiss. Everything came back, everything Gavin felt and remembered of Isaac being close to him. He _ached_ with it.

_That’s ruined now._ Not that it ever had a chance of happening, but everything Gavin could have hoped for, maybe in a different life, in a different world, was destroyed. Smashed to bits, sacrificed on the altar of his mother’s fucking insanity. Whatever Isaac might have felt for Gavin before, be it protectiveness, frustration, compassion, that was all gone. Isaac would hate him for this, and Gavin deserved it. Gavin had finally broken Isaac in the one way he never, never would have otherwise. It had taken Colleen’s threat on his life to make him do it. Isaac would hate him now, but Gavin didn’t care. He knew what he had to do now, damn his feelings. Damn the consequences to himself. He knew what he had to do.

Calmly, numbly, he rolled out of bed and stripped off his sleeping clothes. He grabbed whatever pants and shirt were closest to him and pulled them on, eyes unfocused. He walked by the mirror on his dresser, averting his eyes from the monster he’d see there. _I raped Isaac. That’s the person I am now._

He walked through the halls, a maze of twists and turns that could have been confusing if he didn’t know them _so damned well._ This was his home, the seat of Stormbeck power. And he had a job to do. A mission, just like Isaac.

He couldn’t be Gavin Uriah anymore. Gavin Uriah was dead. He’d been killed last night, as he sobbed over Isaac’s body. Gavin Uriah couldn’t exist. Gavin Uriah was useless. Only Gavin Stormbeck could save his family now.

He knew exactly what he had to do. He knew what his mother wanted: for him to become a Stormbeck again, so that when she finally killed him, she would have _won._ And Gavin Stormbeck could be _trusted._ Gavin Stormbeck wouldn’t be a prisoner in his own home. Gavin Stormbeck could walk through the halls unhindered, could make plans, could get the family out and to safety. Then Gavin Stormbeck would die, just like his mother wanted. And Gavin could live with that. That was what Gavin deserved, for his sins.

Dazed, he pushed the doors open into the dining room. His mother was already there, eating breakfast like nothing was wrong. Like she hadn’t threatened her son and the man he loved with death. Like she hadn’t forced her son to _rape_ someone. She sat in her chair, breezily chatting with one of the guards as she sipped her coffee. She was the picture of ease. Of power. Gavin swallowed and sat down across from her.

“Gavin, darling,” she said cheerfully. “I hope you had a wonderful night last night.”

Whatever his parents had put in him was still there. He just had to reach it. Had to be that person, that darkness again, to save his family’s life. He could do this. They were the ones suffering and he could do it, for them.

A smile spread across Gavin’s face. “I did, mom. Isaac is…” He shook his head. “Isaac is fantastic. I don’t know why I waited so damned long to take him.”

Colleen arched a brow at him. “Neither do I, sweetheart. But I’m glad you came around.”

Gavin shrugged. “I spent months with him, and I never even…” He huffed out a laugh. “I guess the sexual tension was just too fucking much for you not to notice.”

Colleen slowly sipped her coffee. “There was something there, sweetheart. I just had to figure out what it was.”

“Apparently I did, too,” Gavin said, reaching for a muffin. “But now that I know…” He broke off a piece and ate it slowly. “…there’s a whole list of things I want to do to him.”

“Oh?” Colleen tilted her head. “Wish to share?”

“Not with my mother,” Gavin said with a laugh. Walking the tightrope. He held his breath.

Colleen paused for a moment, then nodded. “Fair enough. I have to remember sometimes that children must have _some_ secrets from their parents. I won’t intrude on your sex life, sweetheart. If you wanted to call it sex.”

A chill shivered down Gavin’s spine. “Not… sex? What do you mean?” _I fucked him. I_ raped _him. What about that isn’t sex?_

“I only mean…” Colleen waved her hand. “Fucking a plaything isn’t making love. It’s not… well, I suppose it depends on the person as to whether it counts as sex. But at the send of the day… it’s use. It’s what we do. It’s _fun._ ”

Gavin’s stomach heaved. _Dad called it ‘having fun.’ He called it that when I tortured Vera, and he probably called it that when he raped her, too._ He swallowed bile and forced a smile across his face.

“Well,” he drawled, “Last night was definitely sex.”

Colleen carefully regarded him over her coffee cup. “…and you’ll want him again?”

“Oh, absolutely. But not tonight, maybe not for a few days. I don’t want to wear him out. I want to get a lot of long-term use out of him.” _I deserve to die, I deserve to die, I deserve to die._

_Once I get them out, I will._

“Hm.” It was quiet for a moment as Colleen took a bite of her omelet. “Jones said it sounded like your plaything enjoyed his experience as well.”

A flush crept over Gavin’s face, a sickening heat that made him boil with shame. _I know. I made him feel something he didn’t want and I’m not sure if that’s worse than hurting him._ “Well, yeah,” he scoffed. “Nothing quite like having a handsome plaything under me panting for me to touch him.”

“Ah,” Colleen sighed. “You’re one of _those._ ”

Gavin swallowed. “One of _whats?_ ”

Colleen’s easy laugh filled the room. “One of the ones that draws out pleasure as well as pain. Your father was as well. When he wished to be.” Colleen fixed Gavin with a suggestive stare that made his skin crawl.

_My father did… what I did? To Vera? My father forced her to feel pleasure while he was torturing her, raping her?_ Gavin thought he would throw up right there at the table.

“Well,” he rasped, “That just so happens to be what I like, too.” His jaw locked and he forced a smile. “It’s in my blood.”

Colleen regarded him carefully, a calculation behind her eyes. Gavin’s heart rate jumped. _I need her to see that I’m a Stormbeck again. I need her to see that last night broke me. I can’t show a moment’s hesitation or weakness. I need to be a Stormbeck until the moment it’s time to get them out._

Something that could have been horror, if wasn’t too numb to feel it, rolled through him. _They’re going to escape thinking I betrayed them. They’re going to get out and run north and I’m going to die with them thinking I never loved them at all._ His eyes burned with tears. _But it’s worth it, if they get to live. I’ll take it, if they make it out._

“Well then, darling,” Colleen purred. “Who shall we start with today?”

_Which of my family would I like to hurt today? Which of the people I love most in the world would I like to break next? Which of them would I like to bleed under my knife?_

_Not Finn, they’re not to be harmed. She told me that yesterday. Their torture is to watch their family slowly die under their hands, no matter what they do to stop it._

_Not Sam. I can’t. I can’t do it. Not Sam._

_Not Isaac._ He was going to fall apart right there at the table. He was going to fall apart and ruin everything and she was going to find out and they were all going to die…

_Get your shit together, Stormbeck. They’ve all sacrificed way worse for each other. Get your shit together and play your part. This is nothing you haven’t done before._

_But I can’t hurt Isaac. She thinks I want him as my bed toy now, and she would understand me not wanting him damaged. And I can’t. Hurt. Isaac._

He shuddered, his eyes momentarily sliding shut. He just needed a minute, just a fucking _minute._ He needed a moment to breathe, to prepare himself for what he had to say next.

_She’s been so fucking brave. She’s tried so fucking hard to accept me, even though I nearly destroyed her. And now I have to do this. I have to hurt her, or they all die._

_I have to do this, or they all die._

_I have to do this, or they all die._

He reached down deep inside him, where everything he was, everything he used to be, was still buried. Maybe Vera hadn’t fixed him at all. Maybe he’d just learned to fool them all so well, he fooled himself. _This is what Stormbecks do. We deceive. We manipulate. I can do this. This is who I always was._

It all passed through his mind in seconds.

The smile he forced across his face hurt him to make. He hoped, he fucking _prayed_ the darkness on his face would register only as sadism, only as raw fucking joy at the prospect of hurting someone else. _It’s worth a shot._

“Let’s start with Tori Nasser.”


	64. Conditioning

They’d just been fed when the guards returned. Tori’s head shot up at the sound of the door opening, a chill of terror freezing her in place. _Which one of us have they come for now?_

The guards passed by Isaac and Sam’s cell, and Tori was torn apart with opposite waves of relief and fear.

_They aren’t taking Isaac. Thank god they’re leaving him alone. Please, please leave him alone. He’s still in shock. He’s still suffering. He’s been raped, please…_ please _leave him alone…_ _And they aren’t taking Sam. Sam, oh god, please don’t hurt Sam anymore…_

_They’re taking one of us. They haven’t touched Finn since we arrived. It’s one of us._

The guards appeared at the door of her cell, and Tori’s heart sank.

“Fuck, _no,_ ” came Isaac’s moan. “Please… _please_ don’t… take… take me, please…”

The guards rolled their eyes at Isaac’s plea. They unlocked the cell and stepped in, three of them. One of them pierced Tori with a look.

“If we’re in this cell, that one gets muzzled,” he said with a sneer, jutting his chin at Vera. “Figure this shit out, plaything.”

Rage spiked in Tori for a moment. “I’m not _your_ plaything,” she snapped. She shuddered. _Then am I Colleen’s? How fucking long did it take to make that transition in my mind?_

She collapsed to the floor, wracked with a full-body spasm. A scream tore from her lips.

The shock ended, and she slumped, limp and boneless. She panted against the floor.

“Don’t. Fucking. Talk. Back. To me.” The guard took a step forward, the black shape of the remote held up in his hand. “You think I don’t know your fucking rules? _Never speak without permission._ Say it back.”

Tori bit down hard on her lips, her gaze throwing hate at the guard. _Fuck you if you think I’m going to let you do this to me._

“Do it, Tori,” came Vera’s shaking voice.

Tori turned, her eyes wide with shock. Vera knelt on the floor behind her, her hands folded in her lap almost unconsciously in the position Tori had seen before. Vera’s gaze was riveted on Tori.

_“What?”_ Tori breathed.

“They’re just words,” Vera whispered. “They’re just words. They don’t mean anything. Just say the words. They don’t matter.”

“But—”

“Say the words, Tori,” Vera urged. “Do what it takes to stop the pain.”

“But you—”

“Trust me,” Vera rasped. “Please.”

Tori’s hands curled into fists. She swallowed, and the rough collar around her neck moved with her throat. _Vera knows better than anyone how to survive this. Whether we escape or not, she’s trying to spare me pain. Pain is what will break me. The rest is just bullshit._

She turned back to the guard, her jaw clenched so hard it ached. _“Never speak without permission,”_ she spat through her teeth.

The guard laughed. “She _can_ be taught.” He snapped and pointed at Vera. “Muzzle on. Now.”

Tori turned back to Vera with a sob. _No,_ this _is what will break me. It’s what broke me before. It’s the secret Gavin kept for me._

She crawled forward on her knees until she could pick up the leather muzzle, and crawled forward a few more feet until she was directly in front of Vera. Tears rolled down her cheeks. The chain pulled tight against Tori’s collar.

“I’m sorry,” Tori whispered.

“Shh. It’s okay.” Vera looked at her with a blazing determination, softened only a little by something just under that. “It’s just leather. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does,” Tori sobbed, her head dropping forward. “It does.”

“Hey. Look at me.” Vera eased Tori’s head up with her hand. “This is how you survive this. Okay? It’s just words. It’s just leather. It’s just pain.” Vera pulled herself closer, tucking Tori’s hair back behind her ear. “This is how you keep yourself,” Vera whispered, a breath almost too quiet to hear. “None of it means a damned thing. All that’s real is you, and me. And… Gavin will protect us as much as he can.”

Tori’s lip quivered as Vera leaned back, a different sort of fire in her eyes.

“Okay,” Tori whispered. “Okay.” She put her hands on either side of Vera’s face and pressed a firm kiss to her lips. Then she reached for the muzzle and put it over Vera’s face.

Vera kept her eyes on Tori, every moment as Tori fitted the buckles behind Vera’s head and to the ring at the back of her collar. She hesitated, then kissed Vera again, this time on the forehead.

“About _goddamned time,_ ” one of the guards said, rolling his eyes. “I swear to god, you all come with so much more drama than you’re worth.”

Behind Tori, Vera growled through the muzzle. _Colleen said Vera is an animal, and behind the muzzle she becomes one._ Tori shuddered at the unwelcome thought.

The guards moved together towards Tori and Vera. One stopped at Tori’s side and pulled her hands behind her to be cuffed, before unlocking the chain from her collar. Tori whimpered as the other two guards made quick work of unchaining Vera from the wall and cuffing her, too. They were both forced to their feet and shoved out of the cell. The shackles went back on Vera’s ankles. The guards shoved the gag back into Tori’s mouth.

_“Stop!”_ Sam shouted. “What the hell is… is _wrong_ with you, just let them go… please… please don’t… _hurt_ them…”

_“Why won’t you just fucking take me?”_ Finn roared. “I’m doing _nothing_ in this cell, just fucking take _me!_ ”

Isaac made no sound but a broken sob.

Without a word, the guards pushed Tori and Vera out the door and began to move.

They made a few turns, left and right, passing hallways and rooms. The guards stopped in front of a pair of double doors and pushed them open. Slowly, as if through a fog, Tori realized they were back in the room they’d first been brought to when they’d been captured. Colleen stood right where she’d stood before, her hands on her hips, a poisonous smile on her lips. Gavin stood by her side, his hands clenched into fists.

Tori’s stomach dropped as she saw the look on Gavin’s face.

His mouth was pulled into a vicious mockery of a smile, smugness in every line of his face. He looked at Tori like she was something less than human. Something to _break._

_Raping Isaac last night broke him,_ she thought with a quiet sob. _He fucking broke. I don’t know how, but it brought back the darkness I thought we’d pushed away by loving him. Now he’s broken. He’s a Stormbeck again._

Despite the sickness she felt, her throat tightened with the thought: _Now that he’s broken, Colleen is going to kill him._

_He didn’t deserve this. He deserved so much better._

Tori was shoved to her knees in front of Colleen, Vera right next to her. The guards made quick work of chaining them to the floor. _All my life is now is being moved from place to place in chains. Gavin was our only hope of escape and now that’s gone._

Tori dared to raise her eyes to Colleen, and Tori’s gaze slid past her to rest on Gavin again. For a fraction of a second, his lips trembled, and his eyes betrayed an agony that Tori saw was tearing him apart from the inside out. Then the mask returned, and his lips slid into a grin.

Tori sagged forward with terrible relief. _He’s still ours. He’s still lying._ She glanced at Vera, saw her eyes fixed steadily on Gavin. _She knows, too. He’ll find a way to get us out._ Tori swallowed hard, and the collar bobbed on her neck. _If he lives long enough._

“Good morning, Tori,” Colleen said smoothly, her gaze moving slowly over Tori. Colleen nodded at Vera. “I see you’ve already internalized one of your commands. Did she fight you as you put it on her? Or did she submit, as she’s always meant to?”

Tori rocked forward, the chains on her wrists jerking her to a stop. She tried to be brave like Vera, to stare Colleen down with all the rage she felt. Something in her shifted, trembled. She withered under Colleen’s glare, her breath leaving her in an empty sob.

Colleen tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Vera is not my focus, at the moment. You are, _Tori Nasser._ And you’re the focus of my son’s attention this morning as well.” Colleen glanced over her shoulder at Gavin. “Why _did_ you insist on starting on her this morning? I would have thought you would have wanted to reacquaint yourself with _Sam._ ”

Gavin’s eyes slid closed for a moment. It was there, it was _right there_ all over his face, if you knew what to look for. The shame, the look of betrayal and the hate for himself layered right over that. _I wonder if he even knows we know he’s still suffering for us. Lying for us._

When Gavin opened his eyes again, he raised them to the ceiling. Sniffed back tears. Tori’s heart ached.

“I told you, mom. I didn’t want to use Isaac again for a while, and honestly, Sam was boring. There’s a reason I let them go so easily, and a reason I turned my attentions to Isaac so completely.” He shrugged, an almost-awkward one-shouldered motion. “And you said Finn goes untouched, and honestly I don’t want that fucking terror Ellis anywhere near me. So…” He waved his hand at Vera and Tori where they knelt on the floor. “…process of elimination.”

“Hm.” His mother smiled contentedly, if a little tightly. “That makes sense to me, darling. Where shall we start?”

“Well,” Gavin sighed, reaching for the remote Tori realized was in his mother’s hand, “I’ll be honest: most of dad’s rules bore me. ‘Take all punishments without complaint’? What’s the point, if she’s not screaming and begging me to stop? That takes out ‘Never scream without permission’, too. ‘Never sleep or eat without permission’? I’m not there when she sleeps or eats anyway. Which leaves two.” He fixed his gaze on Tori. “’Never speak without permission’, and ‘Never take off the collar’. One of which you’ve solved, by the transmitter.” He took a step forward. “So if she’s going to belong to me someday, those are the only rules she needs to know.”

Colleen arched an eyebrow. “And what,” she said with amusement in her voice, “Makes you think she’ll belong to you someday?”

Gavin shrugged. “Because I want to have all of them, and you _love me._ ” He flashed her a winning smile.

Tori trembled as Colleen carefully inspected Gavin’s face. _I don’t understand half of the undercurrents here and he’s_ still _pulling this off. She doesn’t trust him yet, but she will._

After a moment, Colleen laughed. “And will you want to take this one to bed, too?”

Tori let out a sob. _Would he take it that far? Please… please_ no _… I know Isaac took it for all of us but… please…_

“Pfft.” Gavin rolled his eyes. “Maybe eventually, but right now Isaac is taking up _all_ my attention.” He took a step closer to Tori. “What can I say? I’m smitten with him.” He hit a button on the controller.

Tori arched back in agony, a scream ripping from her chest. All thoughts were dashed from her head.

When Gavin released the button, she slumped to the side, barely catching herself as she fell. She sobbed brokenly through the gag.

Vera was sobbing next to her. Tori heard chains clinking and looked over to see Vera leaning forward against the cuffs, whining through the muzzle. Quivering with strain as she pulled against the chains. She wasn’t looking anywhere but at Tori.

“Here’s the thing, Tori,” Gavin said softly. “I’m not entirely sure what to do with you. I’m breaking Vera just by doing this to you, but…” He took another step closer, until he was towering over her. “…we’ve already done the thing I know broke you before. We’ve collared you. So. Where do we go from here?” He hooked a finger under her collar and pulled her upright. Tears streamed down her cheeks as he looked down at her, the corners of his mouth trembling until he pressed his lips together. “I think all there is left to do,” he murmured, “Is to hurt you, over and over with the thing that broke you, until just the thought of it being around your neck makes you sick with terror. How does that sound?”

Tori sagged forward, his hand still pulling her up by her collar. She whimpered through the gag. _This is what he needs to do. It’s our only shot at escape. If he can’t convince her he’s a Stormbeck again, we all die in this house, one by one._

_But god, please, please don’t hurt me._

“One more thing,” Gavin said softly. He knelt in front of Tori and pulled the gag out of her mouth.

“G-Gavin, _please_ …” Tori’s mouth was moving without her control. Without her telling it to. “Gavin… _please_ …”

Gavin’s hand closed on Tori’s chin and he jerked her head up, his fingers digging into Tori’s jaw. “I didn’t take this off to hear you _beg,_ plaything,” he hissed. “I took this off so I could hear you _scream._ ” Gavin took a shaky breath, then another, unable to meet Tori’s eyes. He pushed out a slow breath through his lips, steadying himself. His hand shook on Tori’s jaw. After another moment, he raised his gaze to meet Tori’s, a horrifying blankness in his eyes. His mouth pulled into an empty smile.

“Let me hear you, sweetheart.”


	65. Big Brother Instinct

It was another two days before the guards came for Sam and Isaac. Isaac stirred weakly against the floor as the guards unlocked the door to their cell, pushing down the whimper that rose in him when the first guard stopped at Sam’s side.

“N-no,” he said through numb lips. “D-don’t—” Sam hadn’t been touched since the day they’d been captured, and Isaac had had a growing sense of terror as the time went on that there was a _reason_ they’d waited so long.

_I don’t even know why they waited so long for me._

He groaned as he pushed himself upright, the cuts on his arms and the cane lashes on his back flaring with a deep burn. Finn had done a good job. None of them were infected. Still, Isaac ached in his bones. _Gavin went through this, fifty times. I only had twenty._

And yet, Gavin had changed. When the guards had half-dragged Tori back to her cell with Vera boiling with murderous rage just behind her, something in him shuddered. There was a blankness to Tori’s face that he’d never seen before, something that made him whimper as she moved past. It had taken Tori several minutes to speak, and even then it was in stunted whimpers.

_“G-Gavin is… is…”_

_Dead?_ That had been his first and only thought, something that clutched him with despair. _Gavin is dead. He was put through torture and now he’s dead._

Then Vera had spoken up. _“Just as a heads up,”_ she said, her voice hollow and weak, _“Gavin’s changed. He’s playing full Stormbeck, and Colleen is falling for it. I don’t know how long it’ll take.”_

_“What does that, does that mean?”_ Sam whispered.

_“It means,”_ Tori had said with a sob, _“That he’s going to do to us whatever it takes to convince Colleen he’s on her side.”_ Her voice had been raw. Probably from screaming.

_“What did he do?”_ Finn asked with a shiver in their voice.

_“He just… um… tortured me. It’s okay.”_ Another broken sob.

_“He’s doing it to get us out,”_ Vera had said, her voice a little stronger.

_“Are you s-sure?”_ Sam said.

_“Yes,”_ Isaac and Vera had said at the same time, their voices echoing slightly in the hall.

Now the guards were here for him and Sam. He shuddered to think what they were going to force Gavin to do to them both.

A dark thought crossed Isaac’s mind, something so dark he nearly cried out just from touching it. _They wouldn’t force us to…_

_No._ If it came to that, he couldn’t do it. If it came to that, then he was going to his death.

The guards put Isaac’s hands behind him and cuffed him. _Same routine. Same bullshit. I could almost get used to it if it wasn’t my fucking family involved._ Once again, for what felt like the millionth time but couldn’t have been more than the seventh, he pushed away the sounds of his family sobbing in their other cells. They’d stopped begging, stopped crying out for each other. Finn had stopped screaming to know what had been done with Ellis. _Our begging means absolutely nothing to them. All it does is break our hearts._

The guards stood him up, walked him slowly outside. Sam was already there, their hands pulled behind them in cuffs, tears standing in their eyes. Isaac nearly fell to his knees as he fixed his gaze on them.

“I-Isaac,” they whimpered. They didn’t look anywhere but at his face, as the guards secured his ankles in shackles.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, his breaths coming faster and faster. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“No, _no_ …” Sam fell forward a step and pressed themselves against Isaac’s chest, their tears soaking into his shirt. “Isaac…”

_What if they force me to do something to them? When Gavin did that I destroyed my right hand and nearly beat him to death. I can’t do that this time. I’m fucking helpless to stop this._

A small, flickering light of determination glowed in his chest.

_I thought I was helpless last time. And I ended up saving their life. Nothing is over until I’m dead._ His head dropped forward and he softly kissed the crown of their head.

The guards yanked Sam away from Isaac and stuffed the gag back into their mouth. They quickly gagged Isaac too and pushed them out the door.

Isaac had a dizzying, disjointed thought as they were forced to walk down the hall: _I wonder if they’re going to change out our gags. They’re getting kind of gross._

They were led through the halls again, just like every other time. Isaac tried hard this time to remember which turns were made at which hall. _This is going to be important. When Gavin gets us out, I’ll need to remember this. I’ll need to remember as much as I can._

Gavin _had_ to get them out. Isaac had to hold onto that, or he would break. He would shatter into a thousand pieces, and then he’d be useless, _useless_ to help his family.

When they reached the double doors that Isaac recognized from the first night they’d been here, Isaac dragged in a deep, quavering breath. He looked over at Sam, shivering where they stood, their gag already wet with tears. They held his gaze, something passing between them that had been said over and over, loudly, silently: _I love you._

The guards pushed the doors open. Isaac’s heart stopped in his chest.

The room was no longer a wide, empty space. Tables had been moved in, with straps along the sides, at intervals that Isaac recognized. Several large jugs of water lined the wall. Colleen stood in front of all of it, effortlessly cool, the picture of grace. Gavin stood against the wall, and the look on his face made Isaac’s stomach drop.

He knew exactly what was coming next.

Before he could react, before he could _breathe,_ two more guards descended on him. They dragged him to one of the tables and slammed him down on his back. The air rushed out of his lungs in a grunt as he writhed against the guards’ hands. Adrenaline shot through his system as he heard Sam’s cry; he looked to his left and saw them being wrestled onto the other table.

_No. Please, god… anything but this, please… I’d let him fuck me again, I’d do_ anything _…_

He screamed as he thrashed against the guards’ hold, sweat breaking out on his skin. _NO NO NO NO NO PLEASE…_ The guards held his chest and hips down as they locked his ankles into the straps at the base of the table, then removed the shackles. The guards pulled the chain out from under him and tightened a strap against his thighs. Then they twisted him to the side, his shoulder screaming as they forced his arms back and back until they could unlock the cuffs from around his wrists. All the chains on his body came away with those, and they forced him onto his back again.

He sobbed against their hold as they forced a strap onto his left wrist, over the bandages Finn had placed. In a frantic burst of energy he ripped his right hand out of a guard’s hold, and smashed his fist against someone’s skull. There was a spray of blood, and a scream. He didn’t care who made it. He didn’t care if he killed someone. He couldn’t let this happen, he _couldn’t._

The guards grabbed his wrist and forced it back to the table, grunting as they tightened the strap around it. A final strap went across Isaac’s chest, over his arms.

Isaac roared in terror and frustration as the guards stepped away from the table, two of them going to the one Isaac had bloodied with his fist. He was led away from the others. Colleen turned her cold, empty gaze on Isaac.

“You’re lucky you didn’t kill him, Isaac Moore,” she said, her voice slithering through his brain. “Because you know if you kill someone else, I make you watch that one die.” She nodded her head at Sam.

Isaac looked over at Sam where they lay strapped to the other table, sobbing so hard they could barely draw breath. Icy dread punched Isaac in the stomach. _They’ve been waterboarded before, too. They know exactly what this is like. They almost died from it._

“Mom,” Gavin said hoarsely, halfway across the room and frozen, “I told you I didn’t want him damaged. I told you I—”

“Yes, darling, you did,” Colleen said sweetly. “But it’s been days since you had him. I figured, if you’re not going to use him, I will. Besides, he’s not just here for you to fuck him into the ground. He’s here to suffer, for what he did to this family. For what he did to _you._ ”

“But I…” Gavin’s eyes flicked to Isaac, and almost immediately back to his mother. Gavin swallowed hard, the sound impossibly loud in the large room. “I c-can’t fuck him if he gets too sick, or dies. P-please, mom, don’t…” He cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders. “You said he was mine. I get to decide what happens to him.”

Colleen glared at Gavin, her gaze moving over him like a scalpel. “You only decide what happens to him when you use him properly, sweetheart. And today, I feel like using them both.” She turned to look at Isaac again. “I do love how this one screams.”

Isaac sobbed, twisting his head so he could look at Gavin. So he could _beg,_ if he could have his voice back. _I don’t care what Gavin’s plan is. I can’t do this I can’t I can’t I can’t…_

Gavin held Isaac’s gaze for a beat more, then dropped his eyes to the floor, tears shining in them.

_I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE A ROLE TO PLAY. JUST HELP ME, PLEASE._

Gavin sneered as he looked up at his mother again, blinking back his tears. “Fine. Just know that if you ruin him so much that I can’t fuck him tonight, I’m gonna be pissed.”

“How much I ruin him depends entirely on him,” Colleen said with a smile.

“What?” Gavin croaked.

Colleen turned fully so she was standing between the two tables, her gaze moving slowly between Isaac and Sam. “This is the game we’re going to play,” she said softly, her mouth pulling into a wide grin. “You both are familiar with waterboarding, yes?”

Isaac twisted hard in the straps, out of his mind with terror. _NO NO NO NO PLEASE NO I’LL DO ANYTHING PLEASE._

Colleen chuckled. “I thought so. Gavin, darling, that’s what made this one so sick, wasn’t it?” Her hand moved gently through Sam’s curls. They turned their head away from her touch, trembling and sobbing against the gag.

Gavin looked like he was moments from breaking down. “Mom…” he rasped. “Don’t…”

“Oh relax, Gavin,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “No blood. You can’t possibly have an aversion to _this._ No pain, either, and your plaything should be just fine for you to take him to bed tonight. Honestly, what’s the issue?”

_GAVIN, PLEASE. PLEASE. DO SOMETHING, SAY YOU WON’T DO IT, PLEASE!_

Gavin ground his teeth together and rolled his eyes. He gestured weakly at Isaac. “Mom, I decide I want to enjoy this one and you insist on fucking him up. _That’s_ the issue. And this one…” His hand shot out in Sam’s direction. Shaking. “They didn’t go a goddamned thing. Honestly, it’s like torturing a dog. You’re not making any fucking _sense,_ that’s the issue.”

Colleen’s mouth hardened into a line. “If you don’t like my methods,” she said, her voice a soft, deadly quiet, “Then I’ll—”

“Oh, for fuck’s _sake,_ mom!” Gavin shouted throwing his hands in the air. “I was away for _months,_ are you really gonna threaten to kill them every time I have trouble?”

Beneath the terror, Isaac felt a shiver of something deeper, more terrible. _He’s completely lost himself. Gavin is acting like a Stormbeck again._ A strangled sob left his throat. _I’m going to be fucked by Gavin tonight, and as he does it he’ll be Gavin Stormbeck._

A blinding stab of realization punched through him a moment later. _Everything he’s saying is to protect us. He’s so fucking deep in it, because he’s trying to protect us. He’s losing himself, for us._

_I DON’T FUCKING CARE. PLEASE JUST HELP ME, HELP SAM._

Colleen nodded her head with a concession. “That’s true, darling. I need to remember you need time to… _adjust._ I see time in bed with this one—” She grabbed Isaac’s hair and jerked his head to the side. “—hasn’t quite converted you. And too bad.” She looked down into Isaac’s eyes. “I get the feeling this one’s good at more than just _screaming_.”

Isaac wailed in horror and squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught of tears. He opened his eyes and turned his head once more towards Gavin. A muscle ticked in Gavin’s jaw as he stared just to the side of Isaac’s face, his eyes wide and haunted.

Colleen beckoned to the guards with one hand, a smile moving across her face again. “Here’s the game, since it sounds like these two are so fucking _bonded._ ” She sneered the last word. The closest guard picked up the jug of water and cracked the plastic seal. “I’m going to drown one of you, over and over. Don’t worry, I’ll do it _properly_ —” She shot a glare at Gavin. “—so you’re way less likely to contract pneumonia from it. Besides, I’m using distilled water. Much safer than tap.” She laughed like she’d told a joke. Isaac writhed and screamed in his bonds, looking towards Sam as they lay still under theirs.

Colleen made a fist in Isaac’s hair and forced his face straight up towards the ceiling. Towards her. “I’m going to continue drowning you…” She yanked Isaac’s head back. “…until you beg me to stop…” She looked at Sam. “…and ask me to do it to the other one.”

_No,_ Isaac begged desperately, the words crashing through his mind. _No no no_ please _… I’d rather die… I’d rather fucking die… please…_

Colleen laughed. “And we’ll start with you, _Isaac Moore,_ since you seem _built_ for this kind of thing.” Her finger ran along the edge of his gag. “If you were mine,” she murmured, “I’d show you pain you’ve never fucking _imagined,_ and you’d take it, like you were born to do. Isn’t that right, Isaac? Weren’t you born to take everyone’s pain on yourself?”

_I KNOW I WAS BORN TO BE USED PLEASE JUST LET ME DIE PLEASE PLEASE JUST KILL ME._

She drew the gag out of Isaac’s mouth and took a step back. “Gavin, sweetheart,” she purred, “Will you do the honors?”

_“Gavin NO!”_ Isaac screamed. _“Gavin_ please, please _don’t do this, please just fuck me instead, I can’t do this. Don’t do this to Sam, don’t make me do this to Sam PLEASE…”_

“Are you serious?” Gavin said over Isaac’s screams, his voice breaking. “You’re gonna make me do this to my own plaything?”

_“Gavin please no, please just kill me, Gavin please…”_

“I suggest you do, sweetheart,” Colleen said quietly, and took another step back.

A guard handed Gavin a jug of water, and pulled a towel tight over Isaac’s face. He left his eyes uncovered. _Just like Gavin likes,_ Isaac thought with a jolt. _Please, god, no, I can’t do it again…_

Gavin cleared his throat and it sounded suspiciously like a sob. Isaac looked up and Gavin was staring at the ceiling, his eyes shining just a little too much. _Please, Gavin, please don’t do this…_

Gavin set his jaw and glanced at the guard. “Well, are you gonna hold him still?” Gavin snarled. The guard tightened his hold on the towel, smashing it against Isaac’s face. He could hardly breathe past the panic burrowing into his chest. _No no no please…_

Gavin steadied the jug and slowly poured the water over the towel.

It was familiar by now, deadly familiar and horrifying. The towel clung to Isaac’s nose and mouth. He was suffocating, he was _suffocating._ Then the water soaked through the towel, and he was drowning, too.

His body went rigid in mindless panic. He pulled automatically at the straps, like a pre-programmed reaction that was being clumsily carried out. _CAN’T DO IT CAN’T DO IT I’M DROWNING SOMEONE PLEASE HELP CAN’T BREATHE PLEASE PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE NO._ He twisted as hard as he could against the hands stabilizing his head, his eyes rolling back as the water made it down his throat.

“Enough,” Colleen said softly. The water stopped, and the towel came away from Isaac’s face.

He lurched to the side as far as the straps would let him, coughing and retching water out of his nose and throat. There was nothing in his mind but panic. Panic, and the need to do _anything_ to stop it from happening again. He dragged in breath after ragged breath, wheezing through a throat that kept spasming shut. When he was beginning to feel like he might not die, his head was forced back against the table.

_“Gavin please no—”_

The towel went over his face, and the water drowned the words in his throat.

He yanked against the straps, every instinct telling him to rip the cloth away, to turn his head, to kill, to _breathe._ He was trapped, strapped to the table while they poured the water over him. He was going to die on this table.

If he was lucky.

Gavin let him back up and let him cough water over the side of the table. Gavin was saying something, although Isaac could barely hear him over the roaring in his ears.

“Isaac, do you want me to do this to Sam now?” Gavin said gently by his head, a brokenness in his voice that struck Isaac at his core, despite the terror and pain.

_BUT HE’S NOT DROWNING. I AM._

Sam sobbed beside him, begging wordlessly into the gag. Isaac knew exactly what they were begging for. He felt like he would tear apart from how badly he wanted to protect them, and how badly he wanted them to _take the pain_ to he wouldn’t have to anymore.

_I don’t want the pain anymore. I don’t want to take the suffering, please, please, just leave me alone…_

“Isaac,” Gavin said softly, his fingers winding in Isaac’s hair, “Do you want me to stop?”

_“Yes,”_ Isaac sobbed. “Please, _please stop_ …”

Gavin pressed his lips together and looked up at his mother.

She crossed her arms across her chest and shook her head. “Not good enough,” she said curtly. “This doesn’t stop until he says he wants this to happen to _that_ one.” She nodded towards Sam.

Gavin whimpered softly and turned back to Isaac. “Isaac,” he said, his dropping almost to a whisper as Isaac choked and gasped, “I need you to say the words if you want me to stop.”

_“No.”_ Isaac could barely speak. “Please, _no,_ don’t make me say it, please no…”

Gavin’s head fell forward, his forehead nearly pressing against Isaac’s. _“Damn you, Isaac,”_ he breathed. He gestured to the guard, and the towel went back over Isaac’s face.

Isaac screamed in blank terror until the water rushed into his mouth and nose. He choked and convulsed forward, trying desperately to turn his head, to throw the guard off of him. The world was nothing but water and the restrains around his wrists and ankles that were already rubbing the skin raw. His lungs burned in his chest.

Right as he thought he was going to die, Gavin let him up again. He pitched to the side, twisting as hard as he could against the strap on his chest, and coughed water out of his throat. Water ran freely from his nose and mouth.

Then he was back on his back with Gavin looking down at him, agony twisting his face. One tear escaped and rolled down Gavin’s cheek.

“Isaac,” Gavin said, “Do you want me to do this to Sam?”

_HAVE TO PROTECT THEM HAVE TO PROTECT SAM._

_I CAN’T DO THIS. I CAN’T DO THIS._

_“Yes,”_ Isaac wailed, his heart shriveling in his chest. “ _Please,_ do it to Sam, _please_ …” He wished Colleen would take a guard’s gun and just shoot him in the head. _I betrayed Sam. Even the thing I never did with Gavin, I just did to Sam. I want to die. I put this pain on Sam._

_“Excellent,”_ Colleen hissed. “Very well. Give this one a break.” Her hand closed on Isaac’s foot. “Didn’t last _nearly_ as long as I thought he would, though.” She snorted. “Gavin, I thought you said this one was _strong?_ ”

“He is,” Gavin said weakly, swiping another tear from his cheek.

Colleen shrugged. “If you say so.” She waved a hand casually at Sam. “Now this one. Come on, darling, we won’t play this game for long. Like I said, I don’t want to damage them.”

“Sam, no, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry,_ ” Isaac sobbed. He forced his head to the side, _forced_ himself to look at them. To look at what he’d done to the one person he swore he’d never hurt, the person he’d gone to his death to protect. He looked at Sam, and they looked right back at him, tears streaming down their face and onto the table beneath them. Isaac opened his mouth to speak again, and the gag was shoved back into his mouth.

Gavin walked slowly to stand at Sam’s head, the guard with the towel taking up a post right next to him. Isaac watched as Gavin’s hand cupped Sam’s head, giving the illusion of holding Sam in place. Sam stared straight up at Gavin and pushed just slightly into the touch. Gavin pulled the gag from Sam’s mouth.

“It’s okay, Isaac,” Sam said in a rush. “It’s not your fault, it’s not your—” The guard pulled the towel over Sam’s face and they wailed miserably. Gavin lifted the jug and poured water slowly over Sam’s face.

Isaac lurched forward and roared at Gavin, the straps burning his skin, his throat feeling like it had been scraped raw. _PLEASE DON’T PLEASE JUST DO IT TO ME AGAIN PLEASE DON’T HURT THEM DON’T HURT SAM._ His muscles strained against the restraints as he screamed.

After what seemed like an eternity, after what seemed for so long that Sam had to be _dead_ beneath that towel, Gavin let Sam up. They rocked to the side, coughing water. The strap around their chest pinned them to the table and they choked on the water they couldn’t clear from their throat. In one fluid motion Gavin loosened the strap across their chest and twisted Sam to the side so they could expel the rest of the water in their lungs. Sam slumped back and sobbed raggedly.

“Please,” Sam begged, their voice breaking. “Please no…”

“Do you want me to do it to Isaac?” Gavin asked, trembling, his hand tightening around the jug.

_“Yes,”_ Sam wailed. “I c— I _can’t_. Please don’t… don’t do it again, please… no no no _Isaac_ …”

Isaac looked over at them, jaw moving against the gag. _“It’s okay,”_ he tried to say, his voice muffled beyond recognition. _“It’s okay.”_

“Isaac, _no_ …”

“Again,” Colleen said. “They didn’t say the words. This is taking too long.”

The guard pulled the cloth back over Sam’s face.

_“N—”_ Their cry was cut off as Gavin poured water over their face again. Isaac threw himself against the restraints.

The jug in Gavin’s hands emptied and he dropped it to the floor, his hand springing open like a reflex. The guard let them up and Gavin’s hands were on Sam immediately, helping them turn and cough the water out of their throat.

“So helpful, Gavin,” Colleen said, and her acerbic tone grated on Isaac’s ears.

“You said you didn’t want them damaged, mom,” Gavin snapped. “Apparently their pneumonia was a gigantic pain in the ass for everyone involved. Don’t micromanage me.”

Colleen rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “Christ. It’s like living with a teenager again.”

“Yeah, well…” Gavin’s eyes flicked to Isaac for the briefest moment. “Must be the trauma.”

As soon as Sam could speak, they gasped out, “Do it to Isaac, please, please I c-can’t take it, please… _no_ …” They dissolved into messy tears. “Isaac I’m sorry, I’m _sorry,_ no…” They were cut off as they were gagged again.

Isaac looked towards the ceiling, his heart beating in his chest like it was going to explode. _No, god, please no, please just kill me…_

Gavin walked to Isaac’s side like a man trudging to the gallows. His face had an awful haunted quality that twisted Isaac’s gut. Isaac looked up at Gavin, tried desperately to catch his eye… Gavin kept his gaze down and away. Like he wasn’t there at all, like something else was piloting his body while Gavin retreated inside himself and _broke._

Gavin pulled the gag from Isaac’s mouth.

“Gavin—”

The towel was over Isaac’s face and he was drowning again. He tried, for a moment, to hold his breath. A trickle of water made it into his nose and he coughed, dragging in a gasp that drew water all the way down his throat. He writhed against the straps, mindless, completely overcome by terror and agony. _CAN’T BREATHE CAN’T BREATHE CAN’T BREATHE PLEASE LET ME DIE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME DIE._

They let him up, and he rolled, weakly heaving water out of his lungs. It felt like a knife, going deeper and deeper into him. He sagged back, exhausted.

“Isaac, do you—”

“Please no,” he whispered.

Gavin groaned softly above him and the towel went over his nose and mouth. The water poured in moments later.

_THERE IS NOTHING THAT MATTERS OTHER THAN STOPPING THE PAIN DO IT TO SAM I DON’T CARE JUST STOP THIS PLEASE FUCKING STOP THIS._

When the towel came away from his face, he barely had the water out of his throat before he sobbed, “Do— do it to, to Sam—” He cut himself off in a fit of coughing. “Please… do it to Sam, I c-can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” The gag was stuffed into his mouth.

He yanked against the straps, his eyes following Gavin as he walked to Sam’s table, his body looking hollow and empty. Gavin’s eyes were blank as he stood at Sam’s head. Mechanically, he pulled off the gag. The towel was over Sam’s face before they could even speak. They were drowning seconds later.

Isaac shattered. He broke. Something deep inside him cracked as Sam writhed and shuddered as Gavin drowned them. The water still in his lungs burned him like acid. His chest heaved with every panting breath, and he wished his heart would stop. _I would rather die on this table than watch this happen to them again. I’d rather die than drown again._ He resigned himself next time to breathe in as deep as he could and pray that would make him stop breathing at all.

Gavin let Sam up and they pitched over to the side, coughing water, endlessly until Isaac thought it would never end. They lay shivering, twisted as far to the side as they could, gasping.

“D-do it to Isaac,” they croaked.

Isaac whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut. _I need to die. I need to breathe in the water and die._

He cried out as a gentle hand touched his face and eased the gag out of his mouth. He looked up into Gavin’s eyes, bright with tears.

_“Isaac,”_ Gavin breathed, his voice breaking.

“Please kill me,” Isaac begged. “Gavin, please, _please,_ please kill me, I want to die, please don’t _do this_ …”

Gavin sagged over Isaac. “I—”

_“Please,”_ Isaac sobbed. “Gavin I… I can’t… please just… kill me, please, I’m _begging you_ …”

“Stop,” Gavin whispered.

“I’ll do _anything,_ ” Isaac whined. “God, please, don’t do this…”

The guard pulled the towel over Isaac’s face. Isaac fell apart in ragged gasps, squeezing his eyes shut, preparing himself to die. _I can’t do this. I have to drown myself. I have to make myself drown._

“That’s enough, I think.”

The towel came away from Isaac’s face.

Isaac _howled_ in relief, tears streaming down his face. He convulsed in a hacking cough, quivering against the restraints. His head fell back against the table.

“That’s enough,” Colleen repeated. “Can’t have him too damaged for you to use him tonight, right sweetheart?” Colleen appeared at Isaac’s head and he shuddered. Her hand moved slowly through his hair, soaking wet now. Gavin shifted to the side, his eyes darting nervously between Isaac and his mother.

“Isaac Moore,” Colleen said softly as she leaned over Isaac. He trembled under her touch as she stroked his hair. “You are _so lucky_ that my son values you for more than just your pain. You are _so lucky_ that he wants to use you for what’s between your legs, or else you may have died right here on this table today.”

Isaac sobbed, his throat spasming with every breath. _“Please…”_

“Shh, plaything,” she crooned. “You’re also very lucky that my son gives a _damn_ about your pleasure, be it for his own desires or not. But let me explain to you: you are more than just his bed toy. However safe you may have thought you were, you were _wrong_. You will suffer here until he’s done with you, or until I am satisfied my son’s pain has been properly avenged. Do you understand?”

Isaac nodded weakly, his eyes fluttering shut. _Please let me die._

“Good.” Colleen stepped away and gestured to Sam and Isaac. “Put those back, and clean up here.” She smoothed her hair back. “I think I could eat lunch. Gavin, darling, join me?” She held out her hand to him.

Gavin’s shoulders slumped forward and he followed her out of the room. As the guards undid the straps around Isaac’s wrists, he thought he heard Gavin heave a dry sob.


	66. Chapter 66

Isaac’s chest ached as the guards pinned him on Gavin’s bed. His lungs had never stopped burning after the drowning that morning, and even now his throat tightened as if in anticipation of being drowned again.

Gavin stared at the floor, his jaw working as his eyes began to shine with tears. Isaac swallowed hard and grit his teeth. _I begged him to fuck me instead. He said he was going to do it. This is happening, and there’s no use in fighting._ Slowly, he forced his muscles to go relax. The guards all looked down at him warily.

“Uh, sir…” one of the guards ventured. “Are you…? Can we…?”

“Take the cuffs off him,” Gavin snapped, his voice cutting through the uncomfortable silence.

“Um, n-no, sir?” the guard said. “Your… your mother said…”

“My mother’s not fucking here, is she?” Gavin said, looking at the guard, his eyes blazing. “Look at him. He’s got a bad shoulder. With his arms twisted behind him…”

“We can’t let him out of the cuffs, sir,” another guard said.

Gavin pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine,” he growled. “Then at least cuff him to my bed. I don’t want his shoulder like that.”

“Um… yes, sir,” the guard said. They carefully rolled Isaac and unlocked one of the cuffs around his wrist.

_“If you fucking try anything…”_ a guard hissed.

Isaac glared at the guard over the gag with murder in his eyes. The guard swallowed and looked away.

The guards brought Isaac’s hands out from behind his back and stretched them up over his head, passing the empty cuff through an anchor on Gavin’s headboard that Isaac had never noticed before. His wrist was snapped back into the cuff and the guards warily stepped away.

His mind reeled with twisted, unrelated thoughts.

_I wonder how often Gavin has fantasized about this._

_I wonder if I could pull that anchor right off the fucking frame._

_I’m glad they made us shower and gave us clean clothes today._

_For captivity, they’re making sure we’re kept clean._

The guards filed out of the room. All but one. Gavin turned slowly and fixed him with a withering stare.

“Um…” Gavin shrugged angrily. “What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck out.”

“Uh…” The guard pressed his lips together into a firm line. “Your mother ordered one of us to stay. For… um… _confirmation._ ”

Gavin’s hands curled into fists where he stood. “Are you fucking _serious?_ ”

“Yes, sir,” the guard said with finality.

Isaac could see Gavin quivering where he stood, his body like a bowstring about to snap. Gavin’s eyes flicked to Isaac, and back to the guard. He blew out a slow breath.

“Then the least you could do is stand over _there_.” Gavin pointed to the far side of the room.

“It’s not exactly like I volunteered for this assignment,” the guard sniped. He turned and walked to where Gavin was pointing.

Isaac adjusted his wrists in the cuffs, looking up at them where they were locked to the headboard. In the corner of his vision, he saw Gavin take a step closer to the bed. Then another. Isaac blinked slowly, then turned to fix his gaze on Gavin.

Gavin’s eyes were still on the floor as he reached the side of the bed. His hands shook as he stood for a moment, looking down at the floor, the nightstand, anywhere but Isaac. He bit his lip and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and crawled on top of Isaac.

Isaac let his head drop back, feeling Gavin’s weight pressing him down into the mattress. Warm. Isaac wondered if it would ever become _familiar._ Gavin pulled the blanket up over them both, and drew the gag out of Isaac’s mouth.

“I don’t blame you,” Isaac whispered immediately, seeking Gavin’s gaze. Gavin froze. “I don’t,” Isaac said softly. The guard was too far away to hear. “I know you didn’t want to. I know you’re still lying for us. Okay? I know you don’t want any of this.”

“Isaac—”

“I need to know you’re listening to me,” Isaac urged quietly. Gavin finally raised his eyes to look at Isaac. “I need to know you hear me. Because in all this… we’re all struggling to keep ourselves. And I…” Isaac gulped as he looked into Gavin’s eyes, so fucking _green_ and filled with tears. Isaac swallowed the burn in his throat, not entirely from the drowning. “…I _can’t lose you._ ”

Gavin gasped and looked down, the tears falling from his eyes and onto Isaac’s shirt. “Isaac… you can’t—”

_“Not your fault,”_ Isaac whispered. “Not… _not your fault._ ”

Gavin lurched forward and muffled a sob in Isaac’s neck. “Isaac…” he murmured. “You… I waterboarded you, I _raped you,_ how can you—”

“And you are forced, just as much as I am,” Isaac said softly. He spread his legs a little more and tilted his head back. “Please. You know what’ll happen if you don’t.”

“Isaac, you…” Gavin sniffed. “What if I would rather die?”

“I know you would.” _But you won’t let me die, even though it would save you pain._ “I don’t blame you. Please. _I don’t blame you._ ” Isaac pulled his head back and found Gavin’s eyes. _“You’re not to blame.”_

Gavin’s head fell forward into Isaac’s neck, his cheek pressed against Isaac’s collar. “I could never deserve you,” he whispered. “Not in a thousand years.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Isaac murmured into Gavin’s hair. “Just fuck me. Please.” _Please. I want it. I don’t know why, but I want it, here in your mother’s nightmare house, chained to your bed, everything hurts and I still want you. Don’t fucking ask me why._

Gavin whimpered into Isaac’s neck. “How did things get so fucked up?” he moaned.

“I don’t know,” Isaac whispered back. He felt something in him, a heat stirring through him. He had to force himself not to press his hips up into Gavin’s. _I am the worst, most vile piece of shit. Gavin’s being raped, and I just want_ more _._

“Isaac,” Gavin said softly, his hands drifting to the front of Isaac’s pants. He wore no belt, now that Gavin’s mother had heard Isaac say he wanted to die. “If you knew the… the _things_ I’ve said about you…” He undid the top button and eased down the zipper.

“You’ve said what you had to,” Isaac breathed, his eyes fluttering shut. _God, please, just fucking touch me. How the fuck did we get here? What’s wrong with me? I swore I’d never want you but now I just…_

_It’s just the fucking torture. It’s just the torture, fucking with my head. You’re the only one I’m allowed to touch and you’re touching me so softly and Jesus_ Christ _…_

“I never wanted this,” Gavin said as he eased Isaac’s pants off over his hips. Isaac’s breath caught in his chest. “I swear to god, I never wanted this.”

“I know,” Isaac whispered. He wanted to pull Gavin close, just as much as he wanted to shove him away. “I know. I…” _I never wanted this either. But now I do. I just want touch that doesn’t hurt. Please give that to me._

Isaac shivered as Gavin stripped Isaac’s clothes off below the waist and dropped them to the floor beside his bed. Isaac lay under the blanket, under Gavin, exposed and helpless. He met Gavin’s eyes, and a flush crept over Gavin’s face as he knelt between Isaac’s legs.

“Never like this,” Gavin murmured. He reached for his nightstand and slicked his fingers. Isaac bit his lip and spread his legs a little more.

Gavin braced himself up on one elbow as he reached beneath the blanket. “Ready?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Isaac breathed. He groaned softly as Gavin eased a finger into him.

_How can this be the best I’ve felt in days?_ Isaac thought miserably. He thought of Sam, still lying in their cell, sobbing quietly as they slowly coughed the water out of their lungs. Thought of how they screamed when the guards came for Isaac, even though they knew it was coming.

When one finger became two, Isaac shuddered. _It’s just my body reacting to the… to the violation. It’s just me craving soft touch. It’s just me, looking for something to focus on other than the torture._

Isaac looked up at Gavin, at the crushing look of despair on his face, and knew that was a _lie._ He wanted to pull Gavin close, kiss him deeply as he did this, whisper in his ear that he forgave him. And he wanted this properly, without the restraints, without the guard standing in the corner looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

Isaac was born to be sacrificed, and when he saw the sacrifice Gavin had made, _was making_ to protect them all, it drew Isaac to Gavin like a moth to a flame. He felt Gavin’s protection, his pain, and wanted to cling to Gavin in that place. _He’s letting himself break, to keep us from being broken._

_I broke today. He’s so fucking strong._

It took everything Isaac had not to beg Gavin to kiss him. Isaac felt like he would shake apart as Gavin gently eased him open, and added a third finger.

_“Fuck,”_ Isaac whispered.

“I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“D-doesn’t hurt,” Isaac said softly. “Sorry.”

_“Stop saying that,”_ Gavin whimpered.

Isaac looked up at Gavin, and saw tears in his eyes. “You are not to blame,” Isaac whispered. “Your mother is.” _It’s your mother’s fault my body isn’t mine anymore. It’s your mother’s fault I’m turned into this: a bed toy. A plaything. Collared._

Gavin shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut, sending another cascade of tears onto Isaac’s shirt. “She s-said I was… this morning, she… she said… I was just like my father…”

Isaac clenched his jaw against the sickening wave of fury that crashed over him. “You are _nothing_ like him,” he growled. “Even when you…” He swallowed hard. “Even when you were… a sadist, you…” Isaac shook his head against the onslaught of tears. “You have never, _never_ been like him.”

Gavin’s head drooped. “I am now.” He opened the front of his pants and reached for the bottle on the nightstand to slick his cock. “Are you, um…” He cleared his throat. “Are you ready?”

_Yes. Yes. Please. Touch me, I fucking_ need _this…_ Isaac nodded.

“Okay,” Gavin whimpered, his voice twisting at the end. He braced himself up on either side of Isaac’s shoulders and pressed himself in.

Isaac gasped as Gavin filled him, slowly, pulling back and easing in again, a little at a time. Isaac panted and squirmed underneath him, desperate for more, feeling absolutely disgusting, knowing it was wrong and he was going to _hell_ but wanting it all the same. Gavin shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut as he finally pressed himself in to the hilt.

“It’s okay,” Isaac breathed. “You c-can… um…”

“What?” The word sounded more like a sob than a question.

_You can fuck me. We’re both being forced to do this but if I have to do this I want it to be with you._

“Um…” Isaac’s lips trembled and he quivered with shame. It felt wrong, it felt so damned _wrong_ to feel someone inside him, someone he hadn’t invited and taken to bed, someone who was on top of him with an invisible gun to his head that was ready to go off the moment he hesitated. There was something deep in him that _screamed_ for escape, to be set free and run and to never let anyone touch him again. His skin burned where Gavin touched him, and yet…

And yet. He was a miserable piece of shit, and yet. With his hands cuffed to Gavin’s bed, with Gavin buried in him, with the cane marks and the cuts on his arms still shot through with pain every single _moment_ … He could pretend he was somewhere else, somewhere where they were both free, and safe, and no longer in pain. He could pretend Gavin wasn’t being forced to do this, but _wanted_ to. He could pretend whatever fucked-up thing this was between them was something they both felt. He could pretend whatever Gavin had felt before was still there, instead of buried, twisted, _dead._ He could see in Gavin’s eyes that whatever he had once felt for Isaac was gone, replaced by coercion and shame.

Isaac blew out a shaky breath as he realized Gavin was still perfectly still, looking down at him with wide, terrified eyes. Isaac gulped and tilted his head back. “Please, just… just stop _hating_ yourself. Stop it. Just fuck me. It’s okay. I _know_ you don’t want to.”

Gavin’s face pinched with something that twinged in Isaac’s heart. _Maybe…_

_No. Don’t fucking do that. Don’t read into that. He fucking hates this._

“Okay,” Gavin murmured. His arms shook, and he all but collapsed forward against Isaac. He pressed his forehead into Isaac’s neck and began to move.

Isaac gasped and moaned softly as Gavin moved against him. He tried to catch the sound before he made it, tried to force it down. It broke from him anyway, and he shuddered with shame.

“You d-don’t…” Gavin huffed against Isaac’s neck. “You don’t have to be quiet for me.”

_What?_

“If I’m hurting you, then you—”

“Oh, fuck you,” Isaac said quietly, his head falling back against the pillow. Gavin stuttered against Isaac and lost his rhythm for a moment. Shame burned in Isaac, and bitterness. _I can’t be angry at him. He’s trying so fucking hard._

“Isaac, I—”

“You _know_ you’re making me feeling good. I know it’s fucked up and I’m… I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ …” Isaac’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m so fucking sorry…”

“N-no, I…” Gavin shuddered against Isaac, shoving his face harder against the side of Isaac’s neck. “You…” His voice dropped to barely louder than a breath, like he was confessing a mortal sin. “You make me feel good, too.”

Isaac’s eyes slid shut, sending two tears into his hair. His body rocked forward in a sob and he pulled against the cuffs around his wrists. The bandages wrapped beneath the cuffs wrinkled slightly with the pressure.

Gavin moved slowly against Isaac, his eyes flicking up to Isaac’s wrists. “I noticed that before,” he murmured, his hand moving unconsciously to Isaac’s hip. “What…?”

“I, uh…” The collar around Isaac’s neck bobbed with his dry swallow. “Tore up my skin pretty good when your mom… um… s-strangled Sam. Needed, um, stitches.”

“Jesus fuck,” Gavin murmured.

The slow tendrils of heat and pleasure moving through Isaac were driving him insane. He whimpered, his head falling back against the pillow, moving with Gavin with each thrust. _I’m in a living nightmare and I’m chained to his bed and there’s someone in the corner watching my humiliation and everything hurts but_ god _if he doesn’t put his hands on me I’m going to fucking break._ If he was going to be forced to do this, if Gavin was going to be put through hell with him, he wanted it to _feel good._

_That’s me being selfish. That’s me demanding more from Gavin than he’s already given._

Isaac’s cock was stiff and pressed between them both. Every roll of Gavin’s hips made Isaac move against Gavin’s shirt, heat and smooth cotton and the slightest bit of friction stoking the fire in him. He bit down hard on his lip and whined softly.

“Can I… can I do something for you?” Gavin said softly, the words sounding almost like a plea. “Can I—”

“Touch me,” Isaac breathed. “Please.”

The hand on Isaac’s hip drifted closer to Isaac’s cock, where he was standing painfully erect against Gavin’s stomach.

“Do you mean… like…?”

_“Yes,”_ Isaac begged. _“Please.”_

“Isaac, are you sure you—”

“Gavin.” Isaac rocked forward, and suddenly his lips were inches from Gavin’s. His heart thundered in his chest. “If you don’t want to, please don’t, but…” Isaac trembled and fell back against the pillow. “This is a fucking nightmare. If I make you feel good, and… you make me feel good, too, then…” He licked his lips and looked up at Gavin, his heart lurching at the look of despair on Gavin’s face. He swallowed hard. “…then… maybe we can have this. Maybe we can have this one thing.”

_What was it Gavin said? ‘I want love that doesn’t hurt’?_

Gavin propped himself up on his elbow, his free hand slowly gripping Isaac’s hair as his other tightened on Isaac’s hip.

“This is _wrong,_ ” Gavin whimpered, and two tears ran down his cheeks.

“I know,” Isaac murmured, leaning forward to press his cheek against Gavin’s. “But it’s what we have.”

As Isaac fell back against the pillow, Gavin’s eyes slid closed. He stopped moving for a moment as he drew in a quavering breath and slowly pushed it out. He opened his eyes again, and they were blazing with determination.

“Okay,” Gavin said softly. “Okay. Maybe we can have this.”

Gavin’s hand wrapped around Isaac, and Isaac moaned. _“Fuck.”_

“Maybe it’s okay that we can have each other,” Gavin said as he rolled his hips against Isaac’s again. “Maybe it’s okay if this doesn’t hurt. Maybe it’s okay to, um…” He gasped and groaned softly as Isaac moved against him. “Maybe it’s okay to pretend we aren’t in this house, with the guards and the, the pain, and maybe it’s okay to let each other feel something good.”

Isaac’s eyes pricked with tears. _Maybe he still—_

_NO._

He panted underneath Gavin as Gavin stroked him gently, moving harder against him, rocking the headboard against the wall.

“Maybe it’s okay to stop hurting,” Isaac sighed, as every move of Gavin’s hand and hips brought him higher.

“It’s just you and me,” Gavin whispered, almost too low to hear. “It’s just you and me and we’re allowed to have this when everything else hurts.”

“Gavin, _please,_ ” Isaac gasped, arching up against Gavin. “P-please, I… _fuck_ …”

“Is it okay?” Gavin asked softly. “Does it—”

“F- _fuck,_ Gavin, it’s… I know it’s fucking awful but… _please,_ just… I’m so sorry…” Isaac squeezed his eyes shut, unable to stop it now. There was a wave rising in him, obliterating everything in its path.

“It’s okay,” Gavin said, breathing hard. “It’s okay to not hurt for a second.”

Isaac whimpered as Gavin rocked into him harder. Sweat beaded on Gavin’s forehead, his mouth dropping open as he moaned.

“Gavin…” Isaac’s entire body was vibrating. Something sweet and horrible glowed through his body, brightening, _burning_ him. He met Gavin’s gaze for a moment before he squeezed his eyes shut, and completely fell apart beneath him. He shuddered and arched back as he came all over his own stomach.

Gavin ground out a whine between his teeth. His head dropped forward as he thrust hard into Isaac, completely overwhelming Isaac with agonizing waves of pleasure. Gavin groaned and then cried out against Isaac’s shoulder, burying himself inside Isaac, his body going tense and then boneless, shivering.

Isaac slumped back against the bed, panting, his eyes slowly fluttering open. He wet his lips. _“Holy shit,”_ he breathed.

Gavin sobbed quietly against Isaac’s shoulder. Isaac felt a brutal crunch of shame in his chest. _What the fuck did I just do? What did I just_ make _him do?_

“Are you okay?” Isaac asked weakly.

“Please don’t ask me that,” Gavin whimpered. “Not… not _you._ Please.”

“Okay.” Two tears ran into Isaac’s hair.

The guard in the corner cleared his throat. Isaac had almost forgotten he was there. He flushed.

“Um…” The guard cleared his throat again. “Clean him up and I’ll… uh… grab Shane from the hall.”

“Fuck,” Gavin whispered as he looked down at Isaac. “Your shirt is… I’ll see if they’ll let you change into one of mine. The others…”

“They already know,” Isaac said miserably, looking at the ceiling.

Gavin’s eyes went wide. “They… _know_ …? Oh, no. Oh no no no…” A sob twisted his voice.

“They understand, too,” Isaac said gently, seeking Gavin’s gaze. “They all do. Everyone knows you’re still with us.”

“Don’t…” Gavin pushed away from Isaac, his eyes turned towards the floor. “Don’t lie to me. Please. You don’t… you don’t _have to._ ”

“I’m not lying,” Isaac said, disbelief stabbing through him. “You think that we…? Of _course_ we understand, Gavin. We… Gavin, did you… did you think we…?”

_“Stop,”_ Gavin whimpered, pressing his mouth against his arm. “Stop. Please. They c-can’t see me—”

“Yeah,” Isaac said softly as another guard walked in. “Okay. Yeah. Just… it’s okay, just get my pants on and…”

“Yeah.” Gavin grabbed them from off the side of the bed and clumsily pulled them up Isaac’s legs, around his hips. He wiped away at the mess on Isaac’s stomach with his sheets. “Yeah. I’ll, um… I’ll see you…”

_…I’ll see you next time you’re fucking me or torturing me._

Isaac gulped. “Yeah,” he rasped. “I’ll see you later.”

Gavin stepped away from the bed as the two guards roughly uncuffed Isaac’s hands from Gavin’s headboard and pulled them behind his back. Isaac grunted as they forced him to his feet and shackled his ankles. _I’m really like a thing to them. They chain me down for Gavin’s use and then drag me out as soon as he’s done with me._ Resignedly, he let them put the gag back in his mouth. He shivered as cum cooled and dried on his shirt and pants.

As the guards pushed Isaac out of the room, he shot a glance back at Gavin. Gavin was furiously stripping the sheets from his bed.


	67. Chapter 67

Isaac kept his eyes down as they marched him back into his cell. In Gavin’s room he hadn’t felt shame at the stain on his shirt. But now… now, it was obvious what had happened. At least to him.

_Gavin_ has _to come if Colleen’s going to believe him. But me? I didn’t have to. I asked him to touch me, and he did out of guilt. I should never have made him do that. I’m lower than low. Jesus Christ, what is_ wrong _with me…? Have I always been a monster like this?_

The guards forced Isaac to his knees. He numbly let them chain him to the wall. Mechanical. Empty. _Back and forth. Tortured and pleasured. None of it fucking matters._ He kept himself gagged.

Sam kept their eyes fixed on Isaac as the guards checked the cuffs and walked out of the cells. Isaac shivered where he knelt, shivered from the wetness of the shirt in the cold cell, and from his own horror at the world. At himself. He bit down on the gag and squeezed his hands into fists, his nails digging into his palms.

“I-Isaac?” Sam said softly. “Are you… can you talk?”

_I can talk. I just am afraid the twisted shit inside me will come out._ Slowly, resignedly, he pulled the gag out of his mouth. “Um.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“Isaac?” Vera called. “Are you…? Did he…?”

_Did he rape you?_

“Um…” Isaac’s voice broke. “He uh… yeah. He did.”

The cell was deadly quiet. Isaac could hear his pulse in his ears. It took him a moment for him to realize he was holding his breath.

“Isaac, did you… um… do you wanna talk about it?” Vera asked softly.

Isaac squeezed his eyes shut. _Do I wanna talk about what? Do I wanna talk about what I just did to Gavin? Do I wanna talk about how I feel my body dying all around me because I asked Gavin to touch me, and I could see how it tore him to pieces to do it? Do I wanna talk about what I feel for Gavin, too late for him to feel it, too? Do I wanna talk about the fact that I don’t have any clue what I feel anymore, just that I’m miserable and in pain and I failed you all and the price for our escape might be Gavin’s life? Or Gavin’s soul?_

His gaze moved almost unconsciously to Sam. They were on their hands and knees, as close to Isaac as they could get, looking at him with unbridled worry.

_Do I wanna talk about how I betrayed Sam today? How I asked them to drown Sam? How I didn’t just ask for the pain to stop, but asked for the pain to be put on Sam?_

_Do I wanna talk about how the pain is filling me up and there’s no room for anything else?_

He was lying on his side before he knew he’d moved. The sound of sobbing filled the room. It took him another moment to realize it was him.

“Isaac…” Sam said in a quavering voice. “You know it’s not your fault, right? You know Colleen is…” Tears dripped from their chin onto the floor.

“S-Sam…” Isaac croaked. “Please just… just stop.”

Sam leaned back, old pain crossing their face. “Stop what?” they said, their voice a little stronger.

“Stop… stop saying it’s not my fault. You don’t know… you don’t fucking… _know_ …” He buried his face in his hands, wishing he could disappear. Wishing he could sink into the floor, be enveloped by the cement like a tomb and die there. Wishing he’d never been born, wishing that no one in the world had heard the name _Isaac Moore._ Wishing he could take every moment of suffering he’d wreaked upon everyone he loved and take it onto himself. Wishing he could take the pain and _hurt_ and _hurt_ and _hurt_ until it killed him.

“Isaac,” Vera said, her voice taking on an entirely different tone, “What’s going on in your head right now?”

_Something you wouldn’t fucking understand. Because even though you went through the worst of hells for months, you didn’t do this. You didn’t ask someone you care about to destroy themselves just so you could get off. You didn’t take pleasure in the worst form of torture. You didn’t scream and feel_ good _as Gavin, my… my_ friend _was forced to rape you. You wouldn’t get it. You wouldn’t fucking understand because you’re good. You wouldn’t understand because you’re not some filthy monster that does nothing but hurt people._

“Nothing,” Isaac growled.

_I let Sam be taken I let my family get hurt trying to save me I let Gray get shot I let Tori get tortured I let Vera nearly fall back into Joseph’s hands I failed to protect you from Colleen I let her hurt all of you I begged them to drown Sam I begged Gavin to touch me I failed I failed I failed. I hate myself and I wish—_

He had to stop himself from going too far down that road.

_But I’m fucking useless to them alive. Me being dead makes no fucking difference._

He was shaking so hard his muscles hurt. He ached where Gavin had fucked him. His skin crawled where his shirt clung to him. He could still smell Gavin on him, could still smell their sex.

_“Maybe we can have this one thing.”_

There’s no way Gavin was telling the truth. Maybe he was lying for Isaac’s benefit, or some other reason Isaac couldn’t fathom. But how Gavin could want him after what he asked Gavin to do, after what Gavin saw him to do _Sam_ … Isaac’s heart felt like a dead thing, heavy and rotting, putrid, pumping filth into his veins. Isaac wanted to cut himself open and let all the poison out, all the vitriol that he spat inward, the only place he could aim it. He wanted to let all the twisted, vile feelings drain out of him until he was nothing but a carcass. A shell.

“Isaac,” Vera snapped, and Isaac flinched. “You’re spiraling. I can hear it from here.”

_“Fuck off,”_ Isaac growled, and curled in harder on himself.

There was a clink of chain, and Vera’s voice came a little louder. “No, fuck _you,_ Isaac,” Vera said, and Isaac froze, curled into a tight ball of misery. “I don’t exactly want to have this fucking conversation in front of everyone, but get your head out of your ass. I know what you’re feeling right now, and this is _exactly_ what rape feels like. Even when it comes from a friend.”

_You have no fucking idea what I feel. You never forced a friend to do to you what I begged Gavin to do._

“I’m not gonna let you fucking stew over this,” Vera said. “Okay? Fuck the rescue, fuck the mission, fuck _us,_ if you let this destroy you, I…” Her voice suddenly twisted into a sob. “You are _so_ much stronger than you think, Isaac. Please don’t… please don’t disappear.”

“Do you know what I did to Sam today?” Isaac sobbed. Sam’s head dropped and they ran their hands through their curls.

Isaac’s voice gained in strength, the rage and disgust fueling him. “While I was gone, did they _tell you_ what I did to them?” He fixed Sam with a glare. Not accusing, but daring them to accuse _him._ A fresh cascade of tears coursed down Sam’s cheeks.

“Yeah, they did,” Vera said, and it sounded like she was speaking through her teeth.

“I…” Sam gasped. “I didn’t mean to… to _upset_ you, Isaac, I just—”

Isaac moaned. “So everyone knows that I fucking betrayed you. Everyone knows I begged them to hurt you instead of me.”

Sam rocked forward, their eyes like a conflagration. “I told them you held out for me!” they shouted, their voice breaking. “I told them they tortured both of us and I gave up, I gave up after the _first fucking round,_ both times. And you held out. You let them do that to you. I betrayed you, too, Isaac,” Sam wailed. “And I swear to _god,_ if you say it’s different because you’re… because you’re the _strong one_ …”

Isaac’s stomach dropped. He pressed their forehead against the floor. It felt cool against the shame burning in him.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said weakly.

“Then _stop it,_ ” Sam said desperately. “I… I can’t imagine how you feel right now, but… whatever Gavin does… whatever you do with him… I know— We _all_ know you have no choice. It’s not your fault. So _stop_ hating yourself. I can see exactly what you’re doing.”

_I can’t take it._

Isaac convulsed in a howl, pulling his legs to his chest and sobbing so hard he couldn’t breathe. _“Stop,”_ he screamed. “Stop it, _stop it,_ stop saying that stop it stop…” He grit his teeth and tried to force down his gasping sobs.

“Isaac,” Vera whimpered. “Stop trying to keep yourself from feeling it. And stop blaming yourself. You’re allowed to feel destroyed.”

Isaac wailed, open-mouthed, pressing himself into the floor. His lips were trembling so hard he could barely speak. He swallowed hard and pushed out the only words he could find: _“I’m disgusting.”_

“No,” Vera sobbed. “No you’re not.”

“Please stop saying that,” Isaac whined, covering his head with his arms. “Please…”

The cell was quiet for a long time after that. Isaac nearly went out of his mind, trying to force the sound of his family’s muffled sobs out of his head.


	68. Chapter 68

Ellis thought they’d felt despair before. And they had, but nothing compared to this.

For a week, it had been the same. They got up in the morning, were led from their cell into the basement in chains. Were chained to the floor, to the wall, to the sink, with one long chain locked onto their collar. Were ordered to do whatever the fuck Colleen wanted them to do that day: help with cooking, do laundry, polish silver. A fucking _servant._ In the house where their family was being held hostage.

_Not all my family._

It swept over them again, the agony, the tearing in their chest that felt like their heart was being ripped out between their ribs. _Finn Dunham is dead._

They folded over the sink they’d been chained to, tears suddenly coursing down their face. They gasped for air, wrapped an arm against their chest. _I can’t breathe. I don’t fucking have lungs. There’s nothing in me but hurt anymore._

A week they’d been trapped in this living hell. They could barely function, barely _walk_ from the excruciating knowledge that Finn was dead, and the others would soon follow. _“If you refuse to work,”_ Colleen had sneered, _“Even once, I’m killing another. They’ll die faster, if you don’t work.”_

_“Why are you DOING THIS?”_ Ellis had screamed at her, a mess of tears. _“Why won’t you just KILL ME? You don’t need a fucking slave. Please,_ please, _why won’t you kill me?”_

That poisonous smile. _“Sweetheart.”_ A tilt of the head. _“Do you really think you’ve suffered enough for what you’ve done?”_

_“I haven’t…_ done _anything… Mark’s alive, we didn’t hurt him…”_

_“You disrespected my family. You’ll die for it, after I’m satisfied you’ve learned that you don’t_ fuck _with the Stormbeck name.”_

Ellis nearly toppled over as someone shoved them. “Stop fucking crying. Get back to work.”

_“Fuck you,”_ Ellis sobbed. They could barely stand. There was nothing in their mind, nothing but pain and a massive hole inside them that blotted out everything else. _Finn is dead. I’ll never hold them again. I’ll never kiss them, laugh with them, look into those gorgeous fucking hazel eyes, never make love with them again because they’re_ dead, _they’re gone, Colleen took them away from me. My family is all going to die and when they do it’ll be because of_ me _because I’m too fucking weak to carry on without them._

Ellis fell to their knees in front of the sink, wailing. They pressed their face into their hands.

_Get up, GET UP, you fucking idiot. You can keep them alive longer if you work. Get the fuck up, you fucking useless piece of shit, GET UP._

_I can’t._

Their legs wouldn’t work. They couldn’t stop shaking. Their body felt like it would tear into pieces between the pain that ripped them apart, and the desperate panic of _if I don’t get up, she’ll kill another._ They clawed at the edge of the sink, trying to pull themselves to their feet. Pain lanced through them, starting in their chest and moving out. They clutched at their heart as if they could tear if from their chest.

They slumped back to the floor. They shuddered and screamed in agony, bumping their head against the cabinet, then banging harder and harder.

_“GET UP!”_ they screamed. _“GET UP YOU STUPID WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT GET UP GET UP GET UP!”_

“Dude. Stand the fuck up and get back to work.” Someone was staring down at them with disgust written all over their face. Another of the help. Paid. Able to come and go as they pleased, never chained to anything.

_“No NO NO I can’t, I… I c-cant…”_ Ellis’s hands scrabbled against the counter as they tried to pull themselves up, shaking, shaking. “Please, please, _help me,_ I…” They doubled over, pressing their arm against their stomach.

_Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead._

_I can’t fucking move because it hurts too much and someone else is going to die._

Despair crashed over them, and Ellis went limp against the cabinets. Hopelessness crushed them. _They’re all going to die. One of them is going to die today, and it’ll be my fault. They’ll all be my fault. I know the rest are being tortured, but one of them is going to die._

They willed their legs to work. Willed their arms to pull them up so they could keep doing dishes in this fucked-up, twisted nightmare. _I didn’t know this much pain could exist in the world._

Whoever was standing over them pulled out a phone. They dialed it and held it to their ear.

“Yeah, they’re sitting on the fucking floor doing nothing. They won’t fucking get up. Do I tell her, or…”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, whenever. Not like they’re going anywhere.”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

Ellis looked up, slowly, as the other dish washer put the phone back in their pocket.

“Wh-who did you just call?” Ellis croaked.

The dish washer rolled their eyes. “Murphy. One of the guards. He’ll be here to get you in a sec.”

Ellis lunged forward and clawed at the person’s legs. _“Call him back!”_ they screamed. _“Call him back, tell him I…”_ They heaved a sob. “You… you _don’t understand…_ they’ll _kill my family… PLEASE_ she’ll kill my family… _PLEASE…_ ”

The dish washer yanked their leg out of Ellis’s grasp, their mouth twisting. “Sounds like a load of _not my fucking problem,_ ” they sneered. They walked to the other end of the kitchen, out of reach of Ellis, and got back to work.

Ellis threw themselves at the person against the collar, choking when it tightened around their neck. “No, _please!_ They’ll kill my… my _family,_ please, don’t you… please, what can I… _do?_ What… please, no, please…”

The dish washer put earbuds in and turned away.

Ellis fell back against the cabinets. “No, _no_ …” They couldn’t get up. It was like their limbs were filled with sand. They couldn’t fucking push themselves upright, couldn’t get purchase on the counter to pull themselves up. They wobbled and fell onto their side, curling up on the floor, keening in misery.

They didn’t know, they didn’t fucking _know_ how long they lay there. They jumped at a hand roughly grasping their shoulder and yanking them to their feet.

“No,” they moaned, as their hands were pulled behind them and cuffed. “Please, _please,_ let me… give me another chance, I can—” They staggered.

“I swear to god, I haven’t seen this much fucking drama since… ugh. Ever.”

“Let’s just go. This interrupted my fucking lunch.”

Ellis sobbed. “No… please… don’t kill them, please…” Someone shoved a gag into their mouth and tied it behind their head. It tasted clean. The chain fell away from their collar and the guards pushed them forward.

They couldn’t see through the tears in their eyes. _“Please,”_ they begged through the gag, tears pouring down their face. _“Please, please don’t kill them. I’ll do anything, please…”_ Their mouth worked against the fabric.

The guards marched them up the stairs, half-carrying them when they stumbled and fell hard against the steps. They whined as the guards yanked them up by the cuffs and shoved them forward again. Everything in them was broken. They weren’t sure how they were walking on legs this numb.

_Our lives can’t end like this. We can’t all just die in this house, with nobody caring, with Gray never knowing what happened to us._ The storm they carried inside them was nothing but ice now. With every step they cracked a little more. They would shatter, soon.

When they stood in front of their cell door, they swayed and fell to one knee. The guards opened the door and yanked Ellis up by their collar, dragging them a few feet inside and dropping them heavily onto the floor. The chain went back on their collar, and the handcuffs came off their wrists. The guards left, and Ellis was left alone.

They were trapped inside their body, pounding against the walls of their mind, _screaming_ at themselves to move, to get up, to go the fuck back to work because their family depended on them. Their family’s lives depended on them getting up and working. Their body betrayed them, lying still on the floor like a corpse, barely even breathing. Tears ran silently down their face. _My body broke, but I’m still alive in here and I have to live with the knowledge that I killed my family._ Ellis never could have imagined they could be this weak. _It’s my fault. It’s my fault._

Minutes later, hours later, and _eternity_ later, the door to the cell opened again. For a moment Ellis flooded back into their body and they screamed, knowing what horror was coming. Knowing who had just stepped into the cell. _Who have I killed now?_

“Hello, Ellis.”

Ellis wailed against the floor, the gag still in their mouth. _No no no no no no no…_

“I’m told you refused to work today. That you sat on the floor and wept like a petulant child.”

Ellis jerkily pulled the gag from their mouth. “No no _no no no NO NO NO_ …”

“Shut them up, please,” Colleen murmured behind Ellis. A guard appeared in front of them and shoved the gag back into their mouth. Ellis still pleaded wordlessly through it.

“I told you what would happen if you refused to do what you were told, didn’t I, Ellis?”

_NO NO NO NO NO NO PLEASE KILL ME. I CAN’T HEAR IT. I CAN’T FUCKING HEAR THIS._

“I told you I would kill another member of your _family._ ” Colleen spat the word.

Ellis slammed their hands other their ears and squeezed their eyes shut.

_PLEASE NO, NO, I CAN’T TAKE IT. IF I HEAR IT I’LL DIE. PLEASE. PLEASE JUST KILL ME FIRST._

Hands closed around Ellis’s wrists and dragged their hands away from their ears. They twisted away from the guard and screamed at the top of their lungs. _IF I CAN’T HEAR HER, IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. I CAN’T STAND TO HEAR WHO ELSE I KILLED._

The guard forced their hands behind their back and cuffed them there. He pulled Ellis into a sitting position and knelt behind them, holding them tightly against him. Then his hand went over Ellis’s mouth and nose and cut off their air.

Ellis writhed in his grip, instantly dizzy, turning their eyes away from Colleen as she appeared in their field of vision. _PLEASE NO. PLEASE._

Colleen crouched gracefully in front of Ellis, her lips pulled into a sickly sweet grin. Her eyes danced over Ellis face: over the tears shining on their cheeks, the hand over their mouth. Ellis shuddered, sobbing without air.

“Oh, Ellis,” Colleen said softly. She reached out and gently stroked Ellis’s hair. Ellis flinched and shied away from her touch. Colleen ran her tongue over her teeth a smiled wider. Her pupils were blown wide. “You need to hear who it is I just killed a few minutes ago, don’t you?”

Ellis’s chest heaved as they desperately tried to take a breath. Their head throbbed.

“Let them breathe a little,” Colleen said gently. “I don’t want them passing out.”

The hand loosened and Ellis wailed around it. They dragged in a breath, and the hand clamped down hard again.

Colleen tsked. “Oh, Ellis. Such a spiteful little thing, aren’t you? I’ll bet your family are the only people who will tolerate you anymore. Were you happy, once?”

Ellis could feel their body dissolving in the acid of Colleen’s hate, drifting away. The burning agony in their chest stayed just as sharp.

Colleen shrugged. “I guess we’ll never know. You ruined yourself years ago.” Colleen tilted her head. “But soon everyone who ever loved you will be dead, won’t they? Especially if you continue these dramatics.”

_Just let me die. There’s nothing more in the world you could do to me to destroy me further than this. You win._

Colleen smirked. “I hope your little tantrum was worth it…”

Ellis convulsed against the guard’s hold. _This is when she breaks my heart again._

“…because Sam Vasterling is dead.”

The guard released Ellis all at once and they slumped to the ground in a shriek of anguish. _Sam is dead. I killed Sam._

Colleen stood smoothly. Ellis’s lungs felt like they’d been ripped from their chest. They howled against the floor.

Colleen turned to the guard. “Put them back to work tomorrow. If they do this again, tell me immediately. I will kill another one.” Colleen turned to go. The guard bent to uncuff Ellis’s hands, leaving them slumped on the floor where they lay. They covered their face with their hands. Their screams echoed in the cell.


	69. Chapter 69

Finn didn’t have the first clue how long they’d been stuck in that cell. If they had to guess – gun to the head, if they had to guess – they’d say twelve days. The lights in the hallway – cell block? – hadn’t been turned off once since they arrived. Finn slept fitfully on the cold cement floor, sometimes in short stretches, sometimes for a long one where they’d wake up sore and bruised where they’d been laying. They’d had five, maybe six long sleeps before they’d realized they should maybe be keeping _track._ They were the only one who hadn’t left their cell, except to take care of the others. Everyone else had been out, had maybe caught glimpses of light through the window, had seen other parts of the house. Everyone but Finn, who stayed in their cell, chained to the floor by their collar except for when the guards felt like giving them bathroom breaks, or when the guards dragged _another_ member of their family back for medical treatment. Finn was absolutely going to lose their shit like this. They could feel the walls getting closer every day.

_The others get tortured when they leave,_ they thought fiercely. _The others get cut up or beaten or waterboarded or fucking_ raped. _I have no place, none at_ all, _to complain. I’m the only one who isn’t suffering. I’m the only one who gets to_ do _something for the others._

They saw how it was breaking everyone, too. They saw Tori’s eyes, more haunted each time she was dragged back to her cell. Not just from the pain, but from the torture of putting that goddamned _thing_ on Vera’s face almost every day. They saw it in Sam. Finn had been terrified in their _bones_ when they heard Sam was waterboarded again, but they hadn’t seen any signs of pneumonia yet. It had to have been _at least_ a week. And they saw the deep bruises they were coming back with, new ones every time. As they were shoved, kicked, beaten, abused by the guards as Isaac was forced to watch, every time.

And Isaac…

Finn couldn’t even _think_ about Isaac.

They couldn’t stand to think of the deadness Isaac had in his eyes now, something Finn had never _once_ seen, not in the four years they’d known him. They’d seen Isaac suffer the worst agony, nightmares and flashbacks, pain that left him shuddering and sobbing against the bathroom tiles, but never _once_ had Finn seen… _emptiness_ in Isaac’s eyes. They’d never once before seen the magnitude of bone-deep hatred there, hatred for no one but himself. He hadn’t told the others yet what exactly he’d done with Gavin, or what Gavin did to _him,_ that broke him so completely. Finn knew it was – _rape,_ they had to force themselves to think – but he’d come back different from the first time. The first time was violation, despair. But now, something retched lived in Isaac that Finn couldn’t shake themselves of. They didn’t feel disgusted of Isaac, but rather bitter compassion at whatever was stuck so deeply in his soul. He never came back injured when returned from Gavin’s bed. He came back _broken._ When he came back from Colleen, he came back with beatings, burns, dark bruises around his neck. All inflicted by Gavin. All things Finn knew Gavin would rather die than do.

_The moment he refuses, all of us die. Then Gavin. I could never dream of blaming Gavin for a single minute of this._ Finn didn’t envy Gavin. Not in the slightest.

Gavin’s the one who broke them all, and Finn’s the one who put them back together so Gavin could do it all over again.

Finn couldn’t think about Ellis without breaking.

They were alive. Finn new with absolute certainty Ellis was still alive. If they were dead, Colleen would come to gloat and _feed_ off Finn’s anguish, probably with Ellis’s body in tow. No, no one had said a fucking thing about Ellis since they’d been torn from Finn’s grasp. Finn had to tell themselves that, had to _believe_ it. Ellis was alive. Finn had no idea what was happening to Ellis, but they were alive.

That was as far as they could stand to go down that road. They were furiously beating the thought away when the hallway door opened again.

Finn groaned and pushed themselves up to sitting. They wanted to put their hands over their ears, wanted to shut out the sounds of whoever was being taken. _I can’t take it,_ they whimpered internally. _I can’t hear them take someone again. I can’t stand to hear how terrified they are. I’m sick of hearing the begging. It doesn’t work. Nothing_ works. _Nothing that stops this pain._

The footsteps got closer, passed by Isaac and Sam’s cell. _Tori and Vera, then._ Their eyes swam with tears. _They were just taken yesterday. Tori’s spasms didn’t stop for hours, even after all the electrolytes I gave her._ At least Vera never stayed muzzled for long. _That_ was something they could always do, if Tori was too weak.

The footsteps continued past Tori and Vera’s cell. Dread shivered through their shoulders.

_They never come for me first._

_I’m not supposed to be touched._

Shame stabbed through Finn at that thought. _If it’s my turn to be tortured, I need to take it. Everyone else has suffered so damned much._

A tall figure appeared in the doorway of the cell, and it took Finn a moment to realize who it was.

_Leo._

Finn’s body went rigid. They were there, they were frozen in this cell, but they were also kneeling on the linoleum floor in Gavin’s warehouse, staring at Leo with their arm around Ellis’s neck. They were chained down in Colleen’s office, watching Leo carve into Gavin’s back. Isaac had screamed Leo’s name once or twice when he had the nightmares that left him sobbing, shaking, _begging_ Leo to stop hurting him. To just kill him. Finn knew Isaac hadn’t told them the full extent of Leo’s brutality in the five days he’d been in Gavin’s basement.

_Oh, god. What is he going to do to me?_

“F-Finn?” Tori called. “Finn, what… why is…?”

Leo unlocked the door to Finn’s cell, his eyes riveted on them through the bars. Finn’s stomach pitched at the smile on his face. _Oh, god. He’s going to kill me._

“Finn?” came Isaac’s voice, stronger than it had been in days. “ _Finn?_ No, they… you’re _not supposed to touch them!_ ”

Leo took a large step towards Finn. The ice encased around their limbs disappeared, and they scrambled backwards.

“N-no, _no,_ please…” They whimpered as their back hit the wall, the chain on their collar clinking against the floor. “No, _please_ … please don’t…”

Leo chuckled. “Please don’t _what?_ ”

_“LEO!”_ Isaac bellowed. Finn jumped. _“Leave them alone, you know you want ME!”_

“Actually I don’t,” Leo called over his shoulder, his eyes still fixed on Finn.

For flickering moment, an echo of their Junior Defense Corps training shot through them. Their eyes darted across Leo’s body, looking for weapons. _No gun. Knife on the belt._ Finn’s body tensed into a crouch as Leo advanced on them. _Go for the knife._

As Finn lunged forward, Leo grabbed them by the shirt and slammed them back against the wall. Finn grunted as the air punched out of their chest, their hand going blindly for the knife. Leo jerked it out of his belt and tossed it away.

“You think I was Gavin’s muscle for _two fucking years_ without learning how to handle little shits like you?” Leo growled. “I don’t give a _fuck_ who you are. Try that again, and I will _fuck_ you up.”

_“What’s he doing?”_ Tori wailed. “Finn… _Finn_ …”

Leo’s hand went around Finn’s neck just above the collar and squeezed, just slightly. Finn instantly went still. _I don’t fight like Vera and Isaac. My training was for nothing. I’m fucking_ nothing _._

“Tell them you’re okay,” Leo said softly, inches from Finn’s face. “Tell them you’re okay or I gut one of them on my way out.”

“I-I’m _okay!_ ” Finn shouted, not able to get the words out fast enough. “I’m fine!”

“What’s he _doing?_ ” Isaac screamed. “God _dammit,_ Leo, what the fuck do you want with them?”

“You know,” Leo said, his voice a little louder, “That Stormbeck never let me fuck his playthings?”

_“NO!”_ Isaac roared.

Finn’s head fell back against the wall in a broken wail. _So that’s what he wants. He’s going to use me, just like Isaac’s being used. He’s going to fuck me with the others listening._

“Yeah,” Leo said with an amused, gusty breath. “Not even once. Said ‘working for me gives you good money and great benefits. Getting your dick wet isn’t one of them.’” Leo laughed softly. “As if his own fucking _father_ never let his people take a run as whatever flavor of the month was locked up in his basement.”

_He’s talking about Vera._

Finn pulled back and slammed their fist into Leo’s stomach. Leo doubled over with a laugh. “Ah, _fuck._ I don’t remember you being such a feisty little spitfuck. I remember you being so fucking _soft._ ”

“Leo, _NO!_ ” Vera screamed.

Leo’s hand tightened around Finn’s neck. “I remember you and that angsty little shit had a thing, though, didn’t you? You still together? Or did Gavin’s little stunt finally drive them off the deep end?”

_“Don’t fucking talk about Ellis,”_ Finn screamed, and threw another punch into Leo’s side.

Leo grunted and slammed Finn back against the wall. They cried out weakly.

_“LEO, I SWEAR TO FUCKING CHRIST—”_

“Tell him to shut up, or I cut your throat. Say it. Right now.”

_“Fuck you,”_ Finn hissed, their eyes streaming.

_“Now,”_ Leo whispered. “Say ‘stop talking or he’ll cut my throat.’ Now. Or they all die.”

_He wouldn’t._

Finn didn’t have a goddamned choice.

“Please, please _stop!_ ” they called in a shaking voice. “Stop, stop talking or he, he’ll k-kill me, cut my throat.”

“I can’t listen to him do this to you,” Isaac sobbed.

“Please,” Finn pleaded. _If you don’t, you’ll die._ “Please, Isaac. Just… just be quiet.”

Isaac fell silent with a sob.

Leo grinned down at Finn, his eyes dark with cruelty. “Better,” he sighed. His hand fisted in Finn’s hair and he drew their head back, his other hand still wrapped tightly around their throat.

“Here’s the thing, though,” Leo murmured, the words hot on Finn’s ear as he pressed them firmly against the wall. “I can’t leave a mark on you. Them’s the rules, straight from Lady Stormbeck herself. And I do what she wants, because _she_ knows how to keep her employees happy.”

Finn whimpered, their eyes sliding shut for a moment.

“But she said, very clearly, no one’s allowed to mark you up. You’ve gotta be in _perfect working condition,_ unlike these other poor fucks.” Leo gestured behind him with his head. “And I’ll be perfectly honest…” His hand released Finn’s throat. They whimpered with relief before Leo’s thumb pressed against their lips, his other hand still clamped down on their hair. Finn’s hands were twisted in Leo’s shirt, pushing him away, unable to move.

_“Don’t bite,”_ Leo whispered, leaning forward, pressing the length of his body against Finn’s. _“Open up.”_

Finn whimpered, and did what they were told. _He’ll kill the others if I don’t._ Slowly, they opened their mouth. Tears rolled down their cheeks.

Leo pushed his thumb past Finn’s lips and pressed down on their tongue. Finn squeezed their eyes shut, horror from just this little invasion washing through them, chilling their blood.

“…I’ll be honest,” Leo groaned against Finn’s ear. “I don’t think I could fuck you without marking you up. Otherwise I’d have you bent over in this fucking cell. _Fuck,_ you’re gorgeous.”

Finn shoved harder against Leo’s chest. Leo torqued Finn’s head back, forcing their jaw open with his thumb. Finn twisted against his grip.

“I like the ones like you, you know?” Leo rasped against the side of Finn’s face, his stubble scratching their skin. “I _like_ the ones who are fresh. I could tell as soon as I saw you that you just… aren’t cut out for this. And you know what I like to do with people like that?” Leo eased his thumb further in, and Finn gagged. “Hm. I like taking people like that… and _destroying_ them. I like crushing them into _dust._ I like breaking them so hard they aren’t even _human_ anymore. Gavin could have done that to Moore over there, if he hadn’t been such a fucking _pussy._ He was so fucking close. One good fuck, and your little bed toy friend over there would’ve been _done._ ” Leo rolled his eyes. “Such a fucking waste. But I don’t go for the broken ones. Stormbeck Jr. has his fucking corner of the market there.”

Finn whimpered as Leo dragged his tongue from the angle of their jaw, up to their hairline. “Just know this, sweetheart,” he growled. “Eventually Ms. Stormbeck’s gonna get tired of you. Eventually, she’s gonna put you down, one right after the other. Just know that when it’s your time, I’m gonna ask Her Highness for a round with you first. And she’ll let me. I’m her _favorite._ ” Leo laughed, and the sound made Finn’s skin crawl.

“Fucking hell, just the way you _breathe_ when you’re scared gets me so fucking hard,” Leo moaned against their neck. “I just can’t fucking help myself.”

Leo withdrew his thumb from Finn’s mouth. They yanked against the hand still fisted in their hair. Leo dragged their head forward and pressed a wet, open-mouthed kiss to Finn’s lips, his tongue pressing in deep. Finn let out a strangled sob of terror and shock.

“Hope she doesn’t keep me waiting too long, Dunham,” Leo whispered in their ear.

He stepped back from Finn all at once. Without the hand in their hair and the friction of Leo’s body against theirs, they toppled bonelessly to the floor. They heaved a dry sob as Leo unlocked the cell door and stalked out, chuckling.

_“FINN!”_ Isaac screamed as soon as the door to the hallway closed. There was the sound of rattling chains, a hiss of pain. “ _FINN!_ Are you… _what did he do?_ ”

Finn trembled and let out a sob. “He…” They pressed their hands to their face, whimpering. “H-he…”

“Are you okay?” Sam called in a quavering voice.

“Did he hurt you?” Vera snarled.

_Did he rape you?_

“N-no,” Finn sobbed. “He d-didn’t do anything, he… he didn’t hurt me…”

“Finn,” Tori said, her voice frightened, “What did he d-do?”

Finn swallowed their tears, tried to force out a slow breath. “Um…” Their voice broke. “Uh… he s-said when… when Colleen decides, decides to um… to _kill_ us… he’s going to… um…” They shuddered and wrapped their arms around their chest.

“ _What,_ Finn?” Isaac croaked.

_You know the answer already. Please don’t make me say it._ “Um…” Finn swallowed hard. “Before she k-kills us, he’s going to…” Their voice dropped to a whimper. “…rape me first.”

Isaac made a sound of abject disgust. Vera dragged in a noisy inhale. Sam and Tori sobbed at the same time.

“We need to get out of here,” Sam murmured. “We need to get out of here _right now._ ”

“Gavin will take me tonight or tomorrow,” Isaac said weakly, flatly. “I’ll ask him then. Ask if he has a plan.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Finn tried not to sound as frightened as they felt.

“I…” Isaac whimpered. “I just start killing people again. Try to reach Colleen before she kills…”

_Before she kills Sam._

“…before she kills any of you.”

“Do it, Isaac,” Sam said softly.

“I don’t want to do that,” Isaac whimpered. “If I do that, some of us will die. But… she’s got to be getting close. The way she looks at Gavin is… is _different._ She’s going to kill him soon.”

“Then we better fucking hope he has a plan,” Finn whispered.


	70. Chapter 70

“Tori?”

Tori jerked. Her eyes suddenly focused. Vera was on her knees in front of her, her eyebrows pulled together in concern. Tori shuddered and licked her lips.

“Yeah?” Tori croaked.

Vera’s mouth twisted. “Where’d you just go?”

“Um…” Tori cleared her throat. _Nowhere. I went nowhere, because today I found a place inside me where I can go and no one can follow, not even the collar._ She slipped towards it again, like ice melting, like butter sliding down a pan. Easy. Almost effortless. Her eyes slid shut, and she took a step to the side of her body.

_“F-fuck,”_ Vera whispered, and Tori’s eyes flew open again, the sound silent and yet echoing through her mind.

“What?” Tori croaked. “I’m—”

“You’re leaving,” Vera whispered.

_I am? I’m just going away. It’s no big deal. It hurts. I don’t want to stay._

“Um…”

Vera sucked in a deep breath and sat back on her heels. “Okay,” she whispered. “Okay okay okay okay okay…” She rocked forward and backward, pushing out slow breaths between her lips. “Okay. Okay. That’s okay.”

Tori rolled her eyes, her body wavering between real and not, between here and there… “It’s not a big deal,” Tori said flatly.

Vera froze and fixed Tori with a stare. It was the realest Tori’d felt all day.

“It’s not a big _deal?_ ” Vera said, terror simmering just below the forced calm. “It’s a big deal,” she said softly. “This is a big deal.”

Tori shrugged. The chain attached to her c—

_NO._

The chain _attached to her_ rattled a little. “It doesn’t hurt so much now.”

Vera’s eyes filled with tears. “I…” She cleared her throat. “I, um…” Her head dipped forward and she stared at the floor. “I don’t want you to hurt,” she finally managed.

“Good.” Tori wasn’t sure what she meant by that. But it didn’t matter, none of this _mattered._ It was just bullshit.

_It’s just pain._

“T-Tori, I…” Vera stated at Tori, beseeching. “Please, can I… can I touch you?”

Tori shrugged again. She wasn’t sure _how,_ she wasn’t exactly at the wheel anymore, but it happened. “Sure,” she said flatly. She didn’t move.

Vera crawled forward until the chain around her col—

_NO._

Until the chain _attached to her_ pulled tight. “Tori,” Vera said gently, as if she was _straining_ not to scream, “Can you come a little closer?”

“Sure,” Tori said in a dry monotone. “Whatever you want.”

Vera flinched, and for a moment Tori felt guilty. _I don’t need to be such an asshole. It’s not her fault. I just don’t want to be around._ Tori crawled forward until the coll—

_NO NO NO._

Tori crawled forward until she couldn’t anymore. She slumped to her side, then just kept going until she was stretched out on the floor. Standing beside herself. Looking down at herself with a completely detached sort of curiosity.

She felt fingers in her hair, so far away it was almost like she was imagining it. Like she was remembering a dream of it. She let her eyes slide closed and sighed.

“There you go,” Vera crooned. “Come back to me. It’s okay. There’s no pain here right now.”

“I’d rather not,” Tori said softly. “I’m okay like this.”

A sniffle. “Okay. But… Tori, it’s…” A slight, sharp intake of breath. Of _shame,_ maybe. Tori couldn’t tell. _She took in a breath. I don’t know if it matters why._

_Nothing fucking matters. I’m just glad I don’t hurt. Numb is good._

“T-Tori,” Vera murmured. Tori thought about raising her head to look at Vera. Something about the tone of Vera’s voice tickled something in the back of Tori’s mind. “Tori,” Vera said again, her voice a little more stable. “It’s… it’s _okay_ for you to go away when he’s… um…” The sound of Vera swallowing filled the cell for a moment. “It’s, um, _okay_ for you to go. But when he’s not hurting you, you need to… um… come back. You need to find your way back between the pain or eventually you don’t come back at all.”

“That’s fine,” Tori said, her voice brittle and flat. “That’s totally fine with me.”

A sob. “Tori…” The sound of chains rattling. “Tori… _please…_ ”

The hand in her hair pressed deeper, massaged her scalp, ran fingernails through her hair and over her skin. It felt… _good._

_No. Don’t bring me back with that._ Tori shuddered.

_“Don’t,”_ Tori ground out between clenched teeth. _“Don’t.”_

The hand immediately withdrew. “I’m sorry,” Vera whispered. “I’m just… Tori, _please_ …”

Something welled up inside Tori, something she didn’t want to feel. She _couldn’t._ She slipped a little further down. _“No,”_ she whimpered. “Please… Vera, _don’t_ … Don’t bring me back, _please_ …”

“I have to, babe,” Vera rasped. “I _have_ to.”

_“Why?”_ Tori sobbed, and pressed her face into the concrete floor. She felt pressure, but not the sensation of the concrete on her skin. She grabbed the feeling with both hands and shoved it down where all the pain went, deep inside her chest, so she could float without it.

“B-because…” For the first time, Tori looked up at Vera. Her lips were quivering. Tears ran freely down her face.

Something deep inside Tori cracked, moved just a little. _Oh, no. That’s where the pain lives. Please, Vera, please don’t bring it back._

“…because I love you, babe,” Vera whispered. “And I don’t want to leave you where you are. I want to bring you back to me, so I don’t lose you.”

“I never fully understood why you went away,” Tori said softly, staring blankly at the floor a few inches away from her face. “Like, I understood the memories would come back and you’d get lost in those, but I never fully got why you just… _left_.” Tori laughed once, a broken sound. “Now I do. It’s easier here. It’s much, much easier.”

“Oh my _god,_ ” Vera breathed. Tori’s gaze flicked up to Vera. Vera sagged forward, pressing her face into her hands. Something stirred in Tori again, something she used to feel. Maybe a week ago, maybe a lifetime ago. She wasn’t sure, and it didn’t matter. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt like… like a _thread,_ stretched from Tori’s heart to Vera’s, pulling so tight it hurt. All Tori wanted to do was cut the thread. _Why can’t I just stay here without people trying to pull me back? Gavin doesn’t like me to dissociate either. Why can’t people just leave me alone to go where the pain isn’t?_

“Tori,” Vera ventured quietly, “There’s no pain here. You’re not being tor—” Vera cut off with a choke. “You’re not being, um… put in, in _pain,_ so… can you please… just…” Vera’s hand lurched forward and she snatched it back, biting her lip. “Can you please just come back? Just for a _minute._ And then if you… if it’s too much, you can… you can go.”

Tori sighed. “Promise?”

“Yes,” Vera whimpered. “I… I _promise._ ”

Tori cowered against the floor, momentarily overwhelmed with a bone-crushing dread. _No. Oh, no, I can’t go where the pain is, I don’t_ want to, _please, please no, please don’t make me…_

“Can I touch you?” Vera murmured.

“Yeah,” came the choked reply.

Vera slid her hand into Tori’s. Tori gripped her like her life depended on it, her intention suddenly flowing back into that arm, into that hand. _Hold on to Vera._ She told her body that, and it obeyed.

_Breathe. I have to tell my body to breathe now._

She did, in and out, slowly, so slowly, coming out from underneath the blanket of _nothing_ she’d been nestled under. It was _bright,_ it was so fucking _bright_ in here, in her body. The fluorescent lights and their constant _hummmmm_ over her head threatened to break her, to drive her completely fucking insane.

And her neck _hurt._ Jesus fucking Christ, it hurt. It ached with every breath, burned with every single movement she made. The muscles in her neck spasmed and shuddered against where the coll—

_NO PLEASE._

_Have to be good for Vera._

_Have to come back._

_Collar. There’s a collar around my neck._

“There you go, Tori,” Vera said softly next to her. “There you go. Come back to me. I know it hurts.”

Someone’s sobs were echoing off the walls. Tori wished it would stop, the sounds were driving nails into her head. _It’s not their fault if they’re crying. Isaac’s being raped, Sam’s being passed around like everyone’s personal punching bag, Finn has to watch us fall apart and now they know before they die, Leo’s going to rape them, too. I can’t blame them from crying. I just wish they would_ stop.

“You’re okay,” Vera soothed. Tori tried to tell her she was _fine,_ that she didn’t need her help, but someone was just fucking _crying_. It wouldn’t stop. Her chest hurt and her face was wet and she couldn’t stop _shaking_ but god _please please please make the crying stop._

“Breathe…”

_“I AM BREATHING!”_ Tori shrieked, lurching upright, clumsy in her body still. Vera flinched back. “Ahh, _fuck_ …” Tori wobbled and fell back onto her side, clutching her head in her hands. Her fingers tangled in her hair and she pulled, so hard she could almost feel the strands break. She panted, hard, every exhale coming out as a sob.

“Oh god oh god _oh god oh god oh god OH GOD FUCK!_ ” Tori’s body was wracked with pain, shuddering waves of it breaking over her over and over and over until she felt like she might be sick. Her bones ached, her muscles twinged from the shocks pushed through her body at Gavin’s command. Her throat hurt, her throat _burned,_ raw skin where the prongs sat tight against her throat, and pain with every turn of her head. Her body was pain, and nothing else.

“Tori, it’s okay, it’s _okay,_ ” Vera urged beside her. “I’m right here. I’ll help you through it. Okay? I know it hurts. I—” Vera choked out a sob. “I _know._ But I’m right here. Hold onto me if you need to.”

Tori’s hand shot out blindly, feeling for Vera, for an anchor, _anything_ to remind her there was something in the world that wasn’t pain.

Something in the world that wasn’t pain, and rage.

_“Fuck Gavin,”_ Tori whispered through vocal cords that felt scraped raw. “Fuck Gavin, _fuck Gavin._ He does this to us. He… he _hurts_ us, he rapes Isaac, then he sleeps in his fucking bed and eats his mother’s fucking food and he gets to wander around and he doesn’t get to wear a collar and he doesn’t do anything to help us _fuck him so fucking much,_ I _hate_ him, I _hate him,_ Vera…” Tori turned her gaze up to Vera, eyes wide and red with crying. “Can you kill him?” she whispered desperately.

Vera’s eyes fell shut and she dragged in a noisy breath. “Tori…”

“Please.” Tori clutched at Vera’s hands. “Can you kill him? Please. Next time he t-takes us… Please, Vera, please, just kill him so he can’t _hurt me_ anymore.”

Vera bit her lip. “Tori, I… I _can’t_ … He’s our only chance to get out of here. Our _only_ chance. We just have to wait until his… mom…” Vera sobbed and pressed her face against her arm, her hands still clutching Tori’s.

“But… Vera, _please,_ I don’t want to wait, I don’t want to, I don’t want to hurt, Vera, _please_ …”

“Tori.” Tori’s heart sank at the tone of Vera’s voice. “I _can’t._ It’s not his fault. He’s trapped, too. You think he likes this? You think he likes hurting us?”

“He did before,” Tori said weakly. “When he put a co— a coll— when he put _this_ on me…” Tori rested her head against the floor. “He liked it, before.”

“But he doesn’t now,” Vera said softly. “I swear, he doesn’t. I watch him. It tears him apart to hurt us. It makes him want to _die,_ Tori. I can’t kill him. He’s going to get us out, as soon as he’s trusted.”

“I want you to kill him,” Tori whimpered against the floor.

“Tori…” Vera’s lips quivered. “He’s… he’s our _family._ ”

“I’m your family,” Tori whispered. “He… he _hurts_ me, Vera. Over and over and _over_ …”

“I know,” Vera said, her voice twisted in a kind of agony that touched Tori, too. “I _know,_ babe. But… I’m sorry, I’m so _sorry,_ I know it’s unfair to ask you to take this, but… I would take it _all_ myself, I would, please, babe…”

“I know you would,” Tori whimpered.

“So… Vera sobbed. “Please, Tori, _please_ … I… It fucking kills me to ask you this but… _please_ … hold on just… a _little longer,_ please… He’ll get us out. I know he will.”

“How do you _know?_ ” wailed Tori. The sound echoed through the cell.

Vera shivered, then swallowed hard, forcing something down as she looked at Tori. “Because…” Vera said softly, “She stopped calling him Gavin Stormbeck. Now she just calls him _Gavin._ She doesn’t need to remind him of who he is anymore. She thinks he already knows.”


	71. Chapter 71

As the guards led Sam and Isaac down the hall, Sam struggled to walk. They stumbled at Isaac’s side, panting through the gag, letting out little grunts of pain when the guard prodded them along. Isaac burned with a rage that had swept through him over and over like a forest fire. He was nothing but ash inside, just skeletons of empty trees and empty air. Gray and black and dead.

The guards led them along the hallways that were starting to become _familiar_ to Isaac. He knew the way to Colleen’s office, to the dining room, to Gavin’s room. He was starting to see the hallways in his dreams. But in those dreams, the hallways were unending, twisting and turning and always leading him one place: to Gavin’s basement. Gavin would be there, with his whip and his knives, and he’d torture Isaac with tears pouring down his face. Isaac’s pleas for mercy were only met with more pain. _“I have to,”_ Gavin always whispered through his sobs. _“I have to.”_ Isaac got no relief, whether awake or asleep.

The guards made a turn into a hallway they’d never made before, shoving Sam and Isaac along with them. A chill ran through Isaac’s heart as he passed by unfamiliar doors and more hallways, always more hallways. _How big is this damned house?_

The guards pushed a door open and Isaac’s stomach dropped. As the guards pushed him into the room, he knew _exactly_ what it was for.

There were implements on the walls, on shelves, every tool Isaac had ever seen to cause pain. His eyes settled one by one on them as he forced himself to breathe. _Knives. Whip. Pliers. Tazer._ So many things he was _so_ damned familiar with, and so many more things he _wasn’t._ He swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t look away from the walls. Couldn’t push down the panic inside him.

_It’s no different than before. It’s torture. It’s what we exist for._

The sound of Sam’s whimpering gasps beside him brought him back. He sought out their gaze, their eyes glassy and terrified, darting around the room as their chest heaved with each breath.

_“Sam,”_ he tried to say through the gag. They turned towards him, numbly, mechanically, their eyes unfocused as they looked at him. He nodded and tried to control his own trembling. _No matter what happens, I have to be strong for them. I’ve betrayed them and failed them so many times. I have to be strong for them._

“God, I love how these two look at each other,” came the voice that sent splinters of ice into Isaac’s heart.

His eyes fell closed for a moment before he turned to look at her; her hair was pulled back, her eyes wide and excited. A blush colored her cheeks and a grin spread across her face. A moment later his eyes found Gavin, standing just behind her and to the side. Cold, like he always was these days. Looking as delighted as when he’d tortured Isaac a year ago. Sadistic. Unhinged.

He looked like Gavin Stormbeck.

_That’s a good thing,_ he thought with a shudder. _When he’s trusted, he’ll have the opportunity to get us out. When he’s not under constant fucking surveillance, he’ll be able to do something. Just please, please let him do it before she kills him._

“Yeah,” Gavin drawled, his voice having a malicious glee to it that made Isaac’s stomach roil. “They’re the ones who started all of this. To think, they could still be free and safe if Isaac had just…” Gavin cut himself off with a laugh. “Well, _Isaac_ would be free. Sam would be dead.” He shrugged. “No different from this for Sam, I guess.”

Colleen waved her hand. “Set them up, please,” she said airily. The guards dragged Isaac away from Sam and further into the room.

There was a pole in the middle of the room that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. _Please, please just let them hurt me and make Sam watch this time. Please, god, don’t hurt Sam anymore. I’d rather die than let this happen._

The guards forced Isaac to his knees with his back to the pole and carefully removed the shackles from his ankles. “Sit,” one of them said gruffly. Like Isaac was a fucking _dog._ He bit back his hate, held it just behind the gag. He maneuvered his legs out in front of him and allowed the guards to grab his arms again.

The guards uncuffed his hands and pulled them back against the pole, snapping the cuffs back on around the pole, chaining Isaac to it. The guards roughly pushed Isaac back until the pole slammed between his shoulder blades. He grunted and stared the guards down, a deadly fury congealing in his stomach. _I’m going to kill them one day,_ he hissed to himself. _Someday soon, I’m going to kill them all for what they’ve done to me and my family._

“Excellent,” Colleen murmured. She went to Sam’s side. They whimpered as she placed her hands gently on either side of their face and pulled their head up so they were forced to meet her eyes.

“Oh, Sam,” she purred. “Did anyone ever call you Sammy? Did you go by that?”

Sam’s eyes slid closed with a shudder.

“Oh, they _did,_ ” Colleen said with a smile. “I’m going to guess from that reaction… _Gavin_ called you that?”

Sam whimpered and nodded.

“Hm.” Colleen threw a glance at Isaac, then turned back to Sam. “Come on, sweetheart,” she said softly. “Come here. Be good for me.”

Sam allowed themselves to be led across the room, wincing as Colleen pressed her hands into the bruises on their arms, on their back.

_They’re so fucking broken,_ thought Isaac. _They’re so fucking broken and_ I _let them break, I asked them to torture Sam, this is_ my fault. Sam whimpered as Colleen stopped at Isaac’s side. Sam desperately sought Isaac’s gaze and they latched on like it was a lifeline.

_I’ve got you, Sam. I’ve got you._

_Who the fuck am I kidding? I’m the one that hurt them. I’m fucking disgusting. I’m_ useless, _useless to help my family._

Isaac was trapped in his hate like it was cooling cement, until Colleen guided Sam to straddle Isaac’s legs and kneel, sitting on his hips.

_“NO!”_ Isaac screamed through the gag. _No no no I CAN’T do it to Sam. Gavin is one thing, he… he loved me once, he’s ruined like me, but_ Sam _… They’re pure, please,_ no _…_

Sam whimpered and sobbed where they knelt on top of Isaac, unable to meet his eyes now, begging wordlessly through the gag.

_No, please, god no. This is the one thing… the one thing I can’t do. I can’t take it. I… I would rather die. I would rather let Sam—_

The thought seared through him like a strike of lightning and he shoved it away with a cry.

“My god,” Colleen scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I haven’t even done anything yet. Really, Gavin, your playthings scare so easy. You keep telling me _this one…_ ” She grasped Isaac’s hair and yanked his head back. “…is strong. But look at him. He’s broken, and no one’s even touched him.”

Through his terror, through his heart-wrenching despair, Isaac’s breath froze in his chest. _“Your playthings.”_ God, she was so fucking close.

She stepped away and gestured towards the guards. They stepped forward and grasped Sam’s wrists, staying clear of Isaac. _Still afraid of me. Even in chains, even broken._ He could use that, somehow.

The guards uncuffed Sam’s wrists and brought their arms around Isaac’s neck, cuffing them again around the pole. Sam’s body was pressed against Isaac’s, chest to chest. Isaac could feel their terrified breathing and did his best to slow his own.

Gavin cocked his head. “Interesting setup,” he said, sounding completely unengaged. “What’s the plan, mom?”

“Well,” she said with a smile, turning to Gavin with sweet admiration in her eyes. “I see how these two are with each other. I see how it _kills_ Isaac to see Sam hurt. And… you said the thing that broke Sam was their fear that they were useless, a burden. Something I also noticed,” she said, turned back towards Isaac and Sam, “Is that Sam doesn’t have any scars from the whip on their back. Plenty from the knife, of course, plenty of burns, but…” She shrugged. “…none from the whip. And I _know_ how much you love that.”

Gavin spread his hands, a good-natured smile pulling at his lips. “What can I say, mom? This idiot—” He thrust his chin at Isaac. “—interrupted my plans. It was the next thing I was going to do to them, actually.”

“Excellent,” Colleen sighed. “Well then…” She took slow, languid steps to where Isaac and Sam sat together, trembling together. “You two…” Her hand shot out and yanked Isaac’s head back. “Listen closely, Isaac Moore,” Colleen said softly. “You are going to tell _this one_ …” She tilted her head at Sam. “… _just_ how useless and burdensome they really are. You’re going to do it, Isaac.”

_“No,_ no _!”_ Isaac mumbled through the gag.

“And Gavin,” Colleen continued, “Is going to take the whip to their back. We’ll start with ten lashes, I think, and then you may begin. Refuse even once…” Colleen tsked. “And we add another ten. Say something I don’t believe, add another ten. You’re going to tell them _ten things,_ Isaac,” Colleen purred. “Ten things, with a lash after each one. Twenty lashes in total. And then?” She wet her lips. “You can go back to your cell, and think about all those things you said. Do you understand?”

Isaac sobbed through the gag, shaking his head. _No. NO. I can’t. I can’t hurt Sam like that, I_ can’t _break their trust…_

“Isaac,” Colleen murmured, a threat, “If you don’t do it, I’ll have Gavin whip them until I see _bone._ Do this, to save whatever _fucked up_ thing you have together. Do this, or I’ll make sure Sam _dies_ from this.”

Sam wailed into Isaac’s neck, shaking their head. They pleaded through the gag, pressing their forehead to Isaac’s temple, trembling so hard they couldn’t breathe.

_I’ve already broken them, but I can’t let them die this way._

He forced down a broken sob. He sought out Sam’s gaze, a question and apology both in his eyes. Sam met his gaze, swallowed hard. They nodded slowly and fell forward into Isaac’s neck again.

Isaac felt like his heart was ripping itself apart, finished beating and now deciding to splinter, shatter. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He raised his eyes to Colleen, hate pouring through him so strongly he could hardly believe she didn’t catch fire in front of him. He nodded.

Colleen clapped her hands together. “Excellent. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to kill that one today. I have more plans for them.” Colleen bent down and yanked the back of Sam’s shirt over their head, tucking the back of the shirt under Sam’s chin, completely exposing their back. Then she pulled away the gags from Isaac and Sam’s mouths at the same time, and stepped away.

“Gavin, sweetheart,” Colleen said sweetly, gesturing at the wall. “Go ahead, darling.”

Gavin laughed once, a bitter sounding thing. “Sure hope I don’t hit Isaac. Taking an eye out would be _so_ unfortunate. I like staring into his eyes as I fuck him.”

“Then I hope your aim hasn’t degraded over the time you’ve been away,” Colleen said, a hint of hostility woven through the affection.

Gavin rolled his eyes at his mother. “Just kidding, mom,” he said with an eyebrow cocked in her direction. “I could use a refresher.” He went to the wall and took down the whip.

As Gavin walked to stand just behind Sam, Isaac’s lips trembled and he couldn’t stop himself.

“Please don’t,” he whispered.

There was a flicker of something across Gavin’s face, a pain that dragged at Isaac’s soul. _He’s still ours,_ Isaac told himself, over and over and over. _He’s still ours. He’s still ours._

_He’s still mine._

Gavin swung the whip in a few practice swings, too far away from Sam to hit them, testing the reach. Getting back into his rhythm. The whip swung with ease and _snapped_ at the end of each swing, moving in close again to Gavin and back out to strike.

_He looks like he’s been doing that his whole life. He looks like he never stopped._

Isaac shuddered and closed his eyes for a moment.

“Sam,” he whispered, seeking their eyes with his. They trembled on top of him, whimpering, tiny gasps moving in and out of their lungs. “Sam,” he said again, a little louder. They pulled away from Isaac’s neck and looked at him.

“Sam,” he rasped, his eyes darting between them and Gavin, still practicing behind them. “Sam, listen to me. It’s not true, any of it. Nothing I say is true, okay? I need you to know that. I need you to believe me. Please.”

Sam shuddered and nodded, their eyes fixed on Isaac. Their breaths came faster and faster, their eyes starting to unfocus, their trembling moving through Isaac’s chest, too.

“Isaac,” Sam breathed. “Isaac, please, I don’t want this, I don’t want this, I don’t _want this_ …”

“I know,” Isaac whimpered, pressing his forehead against Sam’s. “I know. I know, I know, I’m _sorry_ …”

“No, Isaac, please, please d-don’t let him do this, please, _please_ …”

Isaac sobbed. “I can’t stop him,” he rasped, and pressed a kiss to their forehead. Their curls brushed his face. “I can’t. But…” He dropped his voice to a whisper and put his lips to Sam’s ear. “We’ll get you out. I swear to god, we will. We’ll get out.”

“Isaac, _no_ ,” Sam moaned.

“Shh,” Isaac whispered into their hair. “I’ve got you.”

Gavin smirked. “Ready, Sammy?”

_“No!”_ Sam wailed.

“Hm.” Gavin shrugged. “Too bad.” He pulled his arm back and lashed the whip across Sam’s back.

Sam jerked against Isaac, all but slamming their forehead into his shoulder. They whined softly, open-mouthed sobs forcing their way out. “No,” Sam wailed. “No, _no_ …”

Gavin wound up and lashed Sam again.

Every muscle in Sam’s body tensed and they rocked forward against Isaac’s chest. They buried their face in Isaac’s neck, their cheek pressed firmly against the collar.

“You can let it out, Sam,” Isaac murmured. “You don’t have to hold it in. It’s okay.”

“No no no _no no no no_ …” Sam whimpered. Another strike, and they were keening softly into Isaac’s neck, their mouth against the collar of Isaac’s shirt.

Another strike, and they were wailing into his shoulder, tears soaking into his shirt. He pressed his lips into their hair, holding down his own sobs. _I have to be strong for them. I have to be strong for what comes next._

Another.

And another.

And another.

Sam was sobbing openly against Isaac’s shirt, their pleas muffled. “Please no no no Gavin _please_ no please stop…”

“It’s okay, Sam,” Isaac said gently. He kept his eyes down from Gavin’s. _He can’t break either. He has to be strong for them, too._

Another strike, and Sam _screamed._

Isaac flinched at the scream into his ear, and at the sound of Sam’s agony. _I’ve never heard them scream like that before,_ he thought, despair clutching his chest. _Never. Not even once._

Another lash. Sam shuddered against Isaac, their breaths coming faster and faster until they could barely pull air in at all.

“Breathe, Sam,” Isaac said, terror adding an edge to his voice. “You’re okay. Breathe. Just breathe.”

Another lash and it was over for a moment. Sam slumped forward, momentarily relieved. “I don’t want ten more,” they whimpered. “Please, Isaac, _please,_ I don’t want ten more…”

“I know,” Isaac murmured. “I know you don’t. But you get a little break, okay? You get a break while I talk.”

“I know,” Sam whined, and pulled their arms tight around Isaac.

“I don’t mean any of it,” Isaac whispered. “You have to know that. If you start to believe it, it’s just the pain. Just like what happened to me. Just like Vera. Just like Tori. Okay? I don’t mean a word.”

Sam nodded vigorously against Isaac’s shoulder. “Yeah,” they breathed. “Don’t believe it. Don’t believe it. Okay.”

Colleen clapped her hands. “Get on with it, Isaac. Or I choose the second option and Sam dies on top of you today.”

_“NO!”_ Isaac screamed. “I’ll say it, I’ll _say_ it.” He pressed his lips together and blew out a slow breath through his nose. _I have to think of ten things to say to Sam to dig into their worst fears. How can I do this? How can I do this to them?_

Sam pulled back and met Isaac’s gaze, their dark eyes moving over his face. “I love you,” they whispered.

Isaac whimpered and leaned his head back against the pole, tears running from his eyes down the sides of his face. “I love you, too,” he whispered back.

Gavin cracked the whip and they both jumped. “For fuck’s sake,” he spat. “We get it. You’re gooey for each other. Can we _please_ get on with this?” At the very end, his voice cracked and it sounded more like he was begging.

_Can we_ please _let this end?_

Isaac let his eyes slide closed and took a deep breath in. As he breathed it out, he forced words through his teeth he thought he’d never, ever say, words that made him want to burn his own tongue out of his mouth.

“Taking you in was a mistake,” he rasped.

_Crack._

Sam wailed and dragged themselves against Isaac. Isaac half-wished his heart would stop in his chest.

“You’ve been a burden this whole time.”

_Crack._

Sam’s mouth stretched wide against Isaac’s shoulder in a silent scream.

“I regret ever meeting you.”

_Crack._

Sam jolted against Isaac, momentarily forcing the air from his lungs. He took a deep breath and kept talking, trying to ignore the tears on his cheeks.

“I’ve been lying to you this whole time to protect your feelings.”

_Crack._

Sam sobbed pitifully into Isaac’s shirt. Isaac wished he’d be struck dead on the spot. _This is the worst thing she could do to me. Not the waterboarding, not the rapes, not anything else… this is the thing that hurts the most._

“You’re not important to the team.”

_Crack._

“No no no _please,_ ” Sam begged, “ _Please,_ no…”

_They’re begging Gavin. They have to be. Please, god, no, please don’t let them believe me._

“I should have left you to die in Gavin’s bunker.”

_Crack._

Sam jerked under the blow, their voice too twisted to come out in anything but a broken shriek.

“My scars and pain aren’t worth it,” Isaac croaked, shivering, trying to hold down his own sobs.

_Crack._

As Sam screamed, Isaac let out a broken sob. _I’m not the one being hurt. I have to keep it together for them. If I fall apart, they’ll have nothing to hold on to._

Isaac opened his mouth to speak, _forced_ the words to come out.

“It’s your fault I hurt this way,” Isaac spat through his teeth.

_Crack._

Sam screamed, and their scream faded slowly into twisted sobs. “Please, no…” They whimpered. “Please… Isaac, _please_ …”

Isaac felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. He rocked forward against Sam and buried his face in their hair. “No no _no,_ ” he moaned, the words catching in his throat. “No, Sam, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t _mean it,_ no…”

Colleen tsked. “Death it is, then.”

_“NO!”_ Isaac roared, and Sam flinched against him. “No, _NO,_ I’ll do it, please, no…” He dissolved into sobs.

“Then _get on with it,_ ” Colleen snapped. “For _fuck’s_ sake.”

Isaac whined against Sam’s hair, pushing down his hate, his disgust, prepared himself to break his own heart. He pressed his forehead against Sam’s temple.

“Isaac, _please stop,_ ” Sam whispered, trembling.

“I know,” he said softly. “Just two more. Okay? We can do two more, right?”

Sam stiffened, then nodded slowly, resignation in every line of their body. “Okay, Isaac,” they whispered.

“Okay.” Isaac locked his hands into fists and pulled hard at the cuffs, still padded by Finn’s bandages. He hoped, he _prayed_ something would tear open, something would break, to dish out just a little of the punishment he deserved. He locked his jaw and murmured through his teeth, “You were a liability and I should have shot you as soon as I realized that.”

“Oh,” Sam whimpered against Isaac’s shirt.

_Crack._

Sam keened weakly against Isaac’s shoulder. Isaac felt something dripping onto his legs. One drop, then another, then a few more. Isaac dazedly wondered what was happening before he realized: _Sam is bleeding on me._

Isaac let his head fall back and sobbed, agony crushing his chest for a moment. He couldn’t breathe. He heaved in a desperate breath and wet his lips for the killing stroke, the thing he and Sam could never come back from. _I’m willing to lose them if it means they live. I’m willing to have them hate me if they survive this._

His eyes closed, sending tears down his face.

“I hate you.”

_Crack._

Sam wailed against Isaac’s neck, pressing their lips to his skin, and Isaac could feel the vibration of their despair in his throat. He turned his head away, sobbing so hard he couldn’t breathe. He forced his lungs to expand.

“Sam,” he murmured desperately. “Sam, _Sam,_ please look at me, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean any of it, _please_ …”

“Well, that was an event,” Colleen said smugly.

Isaac turned his gaze to her, hatred seething in his eyes, his chest, his mind. _I’m going to kill you. I’m going to fucking kill you. I’m going to tear your heart out, just like you did to me._

Colleen snapped her fingers. “Get them up, put them away.” She turned to Gavin and took his face in her hands. “You’ve done so well, darling. You’re mine again. You’re my son.”

Gavin swallowed hard, and a smile spread across his face. “I always was, mom. I just didn’t know it.”

Colleen laughed and turned away. “Make sure that one gets medical attention,” she said, like she was ordering lunch. “They’re going to need it.”

The guards uncuffed Sam and dragged them off Isaac, yanking their shirt back over their head so it covered their back. The guards put them on their knees as they cuffed their hands behind them again. Sam sobbed inconsolably as the guards pulled them to their feet, only for them to collapse again to their knees. One guard rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

Isaac tried to drag in a breath, tried to get air to breathe with. Air to plead with. “S-Sam,” he whimpered. “Sam, _please,_ I’m so sorry, I’m _so fucking sorry_ …”

“Isaac, _no,_ ” Sam sobbed.

Isaac barely noticed as his hands were uncuffed from around the pole and cuffed again. The guards dragged him to his feet, making quick work of shackling his ankles. Isaac didn’t even look at Gavin, but kept his gaze fixed entirely on Sam.

“Sam,” he groaned. “Please, I… please, I didn’t mean it, I only said it to—”

The gag in his mouth cut him off. He sobbed uselessly through it as he and Sam were led from the room.

As they were herded through the halls, Isaac never once looked away from Sam as they staggered. The guards had to catch them several times as they almost fell to their knees. Lines of blood soaked through Sam’s shirt.

Once they reached the cells, Sam collapsed to the floor. They were limp as the guards uncuffed their hands and chained them to the wall by their collar again. The only movement they made was the heaving of their chest as they sobbed.

Isaac was unshackled and chained to the wall, his eyes never leaving Sam. As soon as the guards were clear, he ripped the gag out of his mouth.

“Sam, _please,_ I’m so sorry, please, I… please believe me, I lied, I _lied,_ I couldn’t let her kill you, Sam, please please _please_ …” He choked off into a whine.

Finn was shoved into the cell, their medical bag tossed in moments later. They took one look at Sam and turned to rush the bars. The door closed right as they slammed into it.

“What did you _DO?_ ” Finn screamed. “You motherfuckers, what did you _do?_ Oh my… _god_ …” They turned back to face Sam, their hands coming up to cover their mouth. “Sam, are you…”

“What happened?” Tori sobbed from her cell.

Finn gingerly lifted Sam’s shirt and blinked tears out of their eyes. “They, uh…” Their voice broke. “They were whipped.”

_“No,”_ Vera said, her voice strained.

Finn’s eyes flicked to Isaac and back to Sam. “You hurt at all, Isaac?” they asked desperately.

“N-no,” Isaac groaned, rocking forward on his hands and knees, his tears dripping onto the concrete. “I’m f-fine, but… are they… okay? Oh my _god_ …”

“What happened?” Finn said weakly.

Isaac whimpered and blinked tears out of his eyes. “Um. They, uh… chained Sam down on top of me… and… um… whipped them and m-made me… say that I… I hated them, and… and they were a burden… and…” Isaac collapsed into wracking sobs.

“What the _fuck,_ ” Finn whispered. “What the… Sam, are you… hey, Sam, can you look at me?”

“Yeah, Finn,” Sam murmured.

Isaac lifted his head. “Sam, _please,_ please just listen to me… I didn’t mean any of it, but… they would have… would have _killed_ you, Sam, they would have killed you, and I… _can’t_ …”

“I know,” Sam moaned against the floor. They hissed in pain as Finn began to clean the lash marks. “It just, um, hurts.”

“I know it does,” Isaac whimpered. “I know. But… we’re getting you out. We have to. You h-heard Colleen.”

“Yeah,” Sam said weakly. “She’s going to kill him. She thinks he’s hers now.”


	72. Chapter 72

Isaac’s head sagged as he stood in front of Gavin’s door. Leo was at his side, _Leo,_ his hand on Isaac’s arm in a bruising grip, stinging on the cuts, a vague smile on his face. The guard on his other side pushed the door open to Gavin’s room. Isaac forced out a slow breath.

_This is the last time I’m going to… going to have to do this. She’s killing him tomorrow, I_ know _it. We have to plan it now, or never._ He thought maybe he could whisper quietly enough that the guard who stayed wouldn’t hear them. If they could have a minute, if they could just have a fucking _minute_ alone, they could exchange the information they needed that Gavin would use to get them out, and Isaac would use when the time was right. If they couldn’t do this tonight, that would be it. Gavin would die, and Isaac figured the rest of them would follow within hours. They were _all_ dying tomorrow, if they couldn’t make this work.

Gavin’s head snapped up, and his eyes widened when he saw it was Leo leading Isaac into the room. Out of the corner of his eye, Isaac saw Leo grin.

“Hey, Stormbeck,” Leo said smugly. Gavin’s face hardened into a detached, annoyed stare.

“Hey, Tierney,” Gavin nearly spat back.

Leo chuckled. “You want him anywhere? Or…? In the shower? Strung up from the ceiling? Maybe—”

“The bed is fine,” Gavin growled. “Just cuff him to my bed and fucking get out.”

“Aw.” Leo pouted as he and the guard marched Isaac to the bed. They unshackled him and pushed him down on his back, rolling him slightly to uncuff his hands and bring them up over his head to handcuff him to the headboard.

“You still mad at me for a few weeks ago?” Leo said, mocking. “Sorry man, that was just business.” Leo spread his hands. “I—”

“No harm, no foul,” Gavin said with a sigh. “I get it. My brain was fucked up, had to set it right. Just _forgive me_ for being slightly annoyed.”

“Hey, fair enough.” The other guards turned to go. Leo stayed, his arms crossed over his chest.

Isaac’s stomach dropped. _No. Not him. God,_ please _not him. He watched me hurt before. I know he’ll enjoy my pain, he_ enjoys _my humiliation… please, no…_

Gavin waved his hand like he was shooing away a fly. “Fuck off, Leo,” he snapped. “I’m back. Don’t need someone to _babysit_ me while I fuck my own plaything.”

Leo arched an eyebrow. “Sure, but Ms. Stormbeck does. She just wants to confirm, one last time. And…” He leered at Isaac. “…I couldn’t miss out on my last opportunity.”

Isaac whimpered and let his head fall back into the pillow. _This isn’t about Gavin not needing to be babysat anymore. Leo knows she’s killing him tomorrow, too. He knows._

Gavin stood with his hands clenched into fists, staring Leo down. Then he relaxed slightly and turned to the bed. “You’re a fucking prick, Leo,” Gavin said tightly. “Nobody else is enjoying this. Fucking pervert.” Gavin stopped by the side of the bed, staring down at Isaac with agony on his face.

Leo shrugged. “Yeah, well, I like what I like. You wouldn’t let me take a run at the little one, so consider this just us getting even.”

Isaac cried out against the gag, his gaze flicking from Gavin to Leo and back. _HE’S TALKING ABOUT SAM. LEO WANTED TO… OH, GOD NO… NO…_

Gavin’s eyes slammed closed and he took a steadying breath.

_Gavin kept that from happening. Even when Gavin was a monster, he stopped that. That would have broken me completely. I never would have been able to help my family after that. I would be ruined, and Sam destroyed._

“God, you’re a fucking moron,” Gavin hissed, and pulled the blanket back. He knelt between Isaac’s knees and reached for the gag.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, are you _seriously_ gonna fuck him like that?”

The chill that gripped Isaac was unbearable. _Please. Please, no._

“I mean, I heard from the other guys you were being all kinds of vanilla, but… _missionary?_ What is this, _church?_ ” Leo took a heavy step towards the bed. “Jesus Christ…”

Gavin stood and squared up with Leo. Leo had at least four inches on Gavin, and at least fifty pounds. Isaac swallowed hard.

“You don’t dictate what I do with my playthings, _Tierney,_ ” Gavin spat. “I like fucking him like this. I like to see his face. He’s not yours, so I don’t give a _fuck_ how you think I should fuck him.”

“Oh, come on,” Leo murmured, a sly smile pulling at his mouth. “He’s just a plaything. What do you have against using him any other way?”

Leo had Gavin backed into a corner with one way out. Gavin shrugged and tossed his head in annoyance. “You are so fucked up, Leo,” he said airily. “God, what a fucking trash fire.”

Leo chuckled and pushed past Gavin. “Whatever. I just want to have a little fun.”

Isaac didn’t even have time to cry out as Leo grasped his waistband and flipped him onto his stomach. He whimpered and pulled against the cuffs, his shoulders twisted up towards the headboard at an angle that twinged on his bad side. _No no no no NO NO NO NO OH GOD._ He shuddered and tried not to sob.

Gavin sighed. “Whatever.” He got in bed behind Isaac and pulled the blanket up over both of them.

“Shy, huh?” Leo sniped. His hand wrapped around Isaac’s collar and he pulled him upright. Isaac whimpered.

“Actually, yeah,” Gavin said, open hostility in his voice. “So fuck right off.” His hands went to Isaac’s waistband.

Isaac shivered and moaned as Gavin pulled his pants and underwear off under the blanket. Isaac shifted his weight to make it easier to get the pants off around his legs. He was on all fours, his hands pulled forward and cuffed to the bed, the blanket mercifully concealing him from Leo’s view.

Despair shot through him all at once. _We can’t talk like this. We can’t make a plan. Tomorrow he’s dying and this will be my last time with him._ Isaac suddenly couldn’t help the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

“Crying already,” Leo sneered. “Jesus. This one always was easy to break.”

“Leo,” Gavin growled, “Shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you. You’re fucking out of line.”

Leo chuckled. “Sure, Stormbeck. Whatever you say.” He snorted. “Just like old times, right? I hold him, you break him.”

“I said _fuck off!_ ” Gavin shouted. Leo froze for a fraction of a second, then smirked. “Whatever, Stormbeck.” His hand twisted in Isaac’s hair and he yanked Isaac’s head back.

“Pass me the lube,” Gavin said darkly. “If you’re going to be a grade-A pervert, at least make yourself useful.”

“Sure thing, boss,” Leo said with a laugh. He handed Gavin the bottle from the nightstand. Gavin slicked his fingers and then placed the lube on the floor beside his bed. Without warning, Isaac felt a finger press into him.

He whimpered. _He always asks if I’m ready. Always, always. Oh, god. Please don’t hurt me, I don’t want it to hurt…_

Isaac swallowed bile. _This is torture. It wasn’t supposed to feel good all those times before._

Gavin made it quick, knowing Isaac’s body by now, knowing when to press harder and when to let Isaac relax for a moment. He prepared Isaac with an almost clinical efficiency. Isaac shuddered in horror, slightly detached, his mind spinning with the terrible truth of what was about to happen. He was about to be raped with Leo holding him down, the last time he would see Gavin before they died. He couldn’t help it. His body shook violently as he wailed.

“God damn, I love—”

_“Leo,”_ Gavin snarled. _“Shut the fuck up, or you’re gone.”_

“Christ, your highness,” Leo said with a laugh. “Whatever. Sure.”

Isaac bit his lips against the moan rising from his chest. Despite this, despite goddamn _everything,_ Gavin was still coaxing slow, languid waves of pleasure through him. Isaac wished he would disintegrate into _nothing._ He felt like his skin would crawl off his bones where Leo was touching him.

As Gavin reached for the bottle of lube on the floor, Leo jerked Isaac’s head up, forced Isaac to look him in the eye. “Hey, Stormbeck,” Leo said, never taking his eyes off Isaac. “You think I could have a turn once you’re done? I mean—”

_“Abso-fucking-lutely not,”_ Gavin barked. “You’re on _thin fucking ice,_ Leo. He’s _my_ plaything. _Mine._ You’re fucking lucky I don’t have you shot for _touching_ him.”

Isaac whimpered, trembling in Leo’s grip. _Please, please don’t let him do that. I can take it from you, please, I can take it, but not from_ him. _Please._

Leo’s mouth pulled into a twisted smile. “We’ll see,” he murmured.

_He wants me after Gavin is dead,_ Isaac thought hopelessly. _Oh, god, what if he does it to all of us? What if he does it to Sam? No, please no… no no no no_ no _…_

Gavin lined himself up and pushed into Isaac.

_“No!”_ Isaac sobbed through the gag. Oh, god, it was worse, it was so much _worse_ with Leo there, forcing Isaac to look at him, forcing his head back until his neck ached. Gavin moved in him and for the first time, Isaac’s stomach heaved in revulsion at the feeling.

He screamed wordlessly through the gag, straining to free himself from Leo’s grip, trying to pull away from Gavin. He thrashed uselessly against the cuffs on his wrists. Pain shot through beneath Finn’s bandages, but Isaac didn’t care. He was out of his mind with horror. _No no no NO NO NO NO NO._

Gavin’s hands were firm on Isaac’s hips as he pulled Isaac back onto him. “For fuck’s sake, Leo, _hold him._ ”

_Even now, he’s trying. Even now, he’s dying on the side, slaughtering himself for me. He thinks he can still save us. He doesn’t know he’s going to die soon._

Isaac sobbed openly as Leo forced Isaac’s face against the bed, pinning his shoulders down. Isaac’s bad shoulder screamed in protest and he tried to twist away. _“Please,”_ he begged incoherently through the gag. _“Please, PLEASE, it hurts, please…”_

“Ease up, Leo,” Gavin said heavily, his voice breaking with each thrust. “He’s got a bad shoulder. Not so hard.”

“Bad shoulder my ass,” Leo muttered. His hands pulled back. Isaac moaned with relief as the pain shooting down his arm eased.

“Fuck me,” Leo groaned at the sound. “Are you _sure_ you—”

_“Back off,”_ Gavin snarled. Vicious. Two wolves fighting over a piece of meat. _“Back off, Leo.”_ There was a threat in Gavin’s voice simmering just below the surface, a shadow of his old Stormbeck self rising up and taking over for a moment. Isaac shuddered and blinked against the tears that he couldn’t stop.

Leo leaned back and dipped his head, just the slightest bit. Surrendering the spoils. Easing his grip a little more. “Sorry,” he murmured. Isaac sagged against the mattress and let himself be taken, dread and despair creeping into his heart, sweeping through his body. _This is it,_ Isaac thought miserably. _This is the last night I’m alive, and this is what’s happening to me._

Beneath the blanket, where Gavin had his hands firmly on Isaac’s hips, Gavin’s thumb stroked gently across his skin. Reassurance. Comfort. Isaac closed his eyes and let out a broken sob. _He can’t save us. What he’s doing is meaningless._ His eyes cracked open, and he could see the front of Leo’s pants where he knelt on the bed, his cock tenting the fabric. _No. It’s not meaningless. It’s everything._

Gavin sped up against Isaac, grunting, sweating as he reached his climax. His hands tightened on Isaac’s hips in a bruising grip as he emptied himself into Isaac, moaning through his teeth. Isaac’s mouth fell open against the sheets. _He’s done. Leo’s going to drag me away now and I just have to pray he doesn’t take me on the way back to my cell and oh god if Gavin doesn’t have a plan he’s going to die, he’s going to die, I CAN’T LET HIM DIE…_

Leo climbed off the bed and sighed, stretching his arms up over his head. “Well,” he drawled, “Not as fun as it could have been, but pretty damned fun.”

Gavin pulled out of Isaac and let Isaac slump forward onto the bed, shuddering, crying hard. Isaac couldn’t get up. He couldn’t make the walk back to his cell. Every fiber of his being was ripping apart, destroying itself, killing him slowly. _I just wish I could make it quick for all of them when it’s time. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to live through this._

Gavin tucked himself back into his pants and crawled out of bed, keeping the blanket over Isaac’s lower half. “I guess I’ll get him dressed,” he muttered.

“Nope, no need,” Leo said with a shrug.

Isaac whimpered. _Please don’t take me back half-naked and bruised,_ please _…_

“The fuck do you mean, Leo?” Gavin spat through his teeth. “You’re not taking him back like—”

“I’m not taking him back at all,” Leo said with a laugh. “Orders of Her Highness. You get a night with him, as a reward for being ‘good.’” Leo mocked the word with air quotes. “I mean, he’s still chained to your bed and all that good shit, but yeah, you get the night with him. You can fuck him in missionary all you want, Stormbitch.”

Isaac’s mouth fell open against the sheets and he sobbed with relief. _He’s letting me stay. Gavin and I can talk. We can make a plan. Oh my god,_ please _don’t be lying…_

“Ooh,” Leo crooned. “That one doesn’t sound too happy about that.”

“What makes him happy is irrelevant,” Gavin said with a dismissive wave in Isaac’s direction. “I mean, you’re letting him spend the night in my bed?”

“Yeah, genius,” Leo said, laughing, and approached Isaac again on the bed.

Isaac whimpered as Leo roughly locked a chain onto his collar, about six feet long to lock onto the headboard as well. Leo drew a key from his pocket and unlocked the cuffs from around Isaac’s wrists. Isaac groaned as he pulled his arms into himself, cradling his injured shoulder. He curled himself into a ball and shivered beneath the blanket.

“What a fucking waste,” Leo sneered. “You couldn’t have broken him a year ago if you’d had the balls to do this.”

“Suck my dick, Leo.”

“Not part of my benefits, _Stormbeck._ ” Leo gripped Gavin’s shoulders and shoved him onto the bed. Gavin landed hard beside Isaac. Isaac flinched away, instinct living in his body like it was an empty house.

“Enjoy your night, Stormbeck,” Leo shot over his shoulder as he turned to go. “I know I fuckin’ would.” The door closed behind him, and Isaac and Gavin were alone.


	73. Chapter 73

As soon as the door clicked closed, Gavin scrambled away from Isaac, running into the headboard as he shoved himself away.

“Isaac, _fuck,_ Isaac, are you… oh my god, I’m so _sorry_ …” Gavin’s hand shot out to remove the gag from Isaac’s mouth. Isaac flinched away. Gavin jerked his hand back like he’d scalded himself.

“Isaac… please, let me just… let me just take the gag off, and… maybe clean you up, get you dressed…”

Isaac moaned through the gag, pressing his face into the sheets.

“Oh, I…” Gavin furiously dashed the tears from his eyes. _Fuck you, FUCK YOU, you’re not the one who just got raped with Leo helping, stop crying you fucking_ monster _…_ His hand shook as he drew the gag from Isaac’s mouth, doing his best not to touch Isaac’s face.

“Please just…” Isaac heaved a dry sob. “Please just give me a, a _second_ …”

“Y-yeah, Isaac. Okay. Whatever you need.” Gavin’s insides felt like they could catch fire from the hate raging inside him. _I don’t know how to_ do this. _I’m not good at this like Gray. I don’t know… I don’t know what to_ do _…_

Isaac whimpered and uncurled slightly. “I’m s-sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to, mean to make that… _harder_ …”

“Isaac, _stop,_ ” Gavin choked out. “Stop, just, _stop it,_ please don’t… don’t ever say sorry to me again, please don’t, _please_ …”

“Okay.” Isaac fell silent, trembling.

“Isaac, can I…” Gavin bit his lip. “Can I get you a, a rag or something, get your clothes back on… I just want you to…” _I just want you to feel better, after what I just did. I just want to make you feel like that didn’t just happen. I just want to make you feel like I didn’t just do that with Leo, and then… then blow you off like you were nothing._ “…I just want to help you feel, um…” He swallowed hard. “…less naked,” he finished miserably.

Isaac barked out a half-laugh, half-sob. “Okay,” he whispered, his tears soaking into the sheets. “Yeah, a, a rag sounds good. And, and pants.”

“I can get new sheets,” Gavin said softly. “I can, um, change the sheets. It’s okay.”

Isaac pushed himself slowly up to sitting, keeping the blanket pulled firmly around his shoulders. “Don’t you have people for that?” Isaac croaked.

Gavin bit his lip. “Um… after the, um, the f-first time…” Gavin shuddered. “…I grabbed extra sheets and, um, stashed them in my closet. So I wouldn’t have to… um… sleep on them after…” _After I raped you. You went back to a dark cell, while I wanted new sheets like a fucking princess._ Gavin cleared his throat. “After I—”

“I get it,” Isaac rasped.

“Thank you,” Gavin huffed. _Thank you for not making me say it. Thank you for not calling it what it was._

“I, uh…” Isaac breathed a slow breath through his lips. “I under, understand. You did what you had to do. I know that wasn’t… wasn’t _you._ ”

“Yes it is,” Gavin whispered. His eyes filled with tears again. “It is. You can say all you want, you can say I’m keeping you safe and throwing off my mom and… and convincing her… that…” Gavin shuddered and heaved a sob. “But I’m hers now. You have to see it. Right? You saw it earlier, right? I know you did. I _know_ it because I felt it, too. I knew that… Gavin Uriah is—”

_“Stop,”_ Isaac said softly. His eyes were wide and filled with tears as he stared back at Gavin. “Stop it. Stop all of that shit. Please. Just… _stop it._ ” Isaac looked at Gavin desperately, shivering, his face stained with tears and drawn with pain. “I…” Isaac let go of the blanket with one hand and drew it slowly across his face. “Please. Don’t… I can’t lose you. Please.”

Gavin bit down hard on his lip until he tasted blood. _Why does that not make me sick?_ he wondered dizzily. He pushed down the sobs, pushed down the tears. Pushed down the pain, because Isaac was in _so much more pain_ and Isaac was _still_ the one comforting Gavin. Gavin ground the heels of his hands into his eyes and drew in a shaky breath.

“Okay,” Gavin whispered. “I’m gonna… get my shit together. Um… I’ll get you a towel, and then… um… you can, uh, put on your clothes while I get the sheets? If you want?”

“Yeah,” Isaac murmured, sinking a little closer to the mattress. “And then will you… just…” A terrible flush crept up Isaac’s neck, spreading across his face. Not of excitement, but of… of _shame._ “Will you please… just… hold me?”

All the air in Gavin’s lungs rushed out of him at once. “Um…”

“You don’t have to,” Isaac whimpered, fully bending at the waist to press his face into the sheets. He rolled onto his side. “I’m… I’m _sorry,_ if you didn’t want to… um… touch me, that’s—”

“Why wouldn’t I want to touch you, Isaac?” Gavin breathed, his lungs frozen in his chest. “Why…”

Isaac shook his head and buried his face into the sheets without a word. Gavin’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “Um… fuck. Let me get you a towel. Hang on just a… a sec…” For a moment Gavin couldn’t look away from the chain on Isaac’s collar, keeping him chained to the bed like… like a _plaything._ He shuddered and walked to the bathroom. He wouldn’t look in the mirror, he _couldn’t._ He grabbed a towel and rushed back into the bedroom.

Isaac was stirring, reaching for his pants, scrubbing his face with his hands. He looked up as Gavin approached and took the towel gratefully.

“Thanks,” Isaac said softly, meeting Gavin’s gaze as he did.

“No… no problem.” Gavin’s hands curled into fists. He turned to go to the closet, where his little stash of sheets lay hidden on a high shelf. He fiddled around in the closet for a moment, counting to ten. Then counting to twenty. Trying to give Isaac as much privacy as possible as he… Gavin shuddered. _As he cleans up what I did to him. I hurt him, I know it. I fucked him as Leo held him down and he’ll always remember that and that’s going to be his last memory of me and oh my god,_ no, _what have I_ done _…_

He furiously cut off that thought before it could tear him apart. _I just have to tell him the plan. I just have to… have to tell him, and he’ll get them out tomorrow, and I’ll pay the price for what I’ve done._

_Right now he needs my help._ Gavin grabbed a set of sheets and walked out of the closet.

Isaac was sitting on Gavin’s bed, fully clothed, the towel thrown across the room into the corner. He was folded over, shoulders sagging, his elbows resting on his knees. The half-healed cuts on his arms were visible where his short sleeves ended, stretching from his shoulders all the way down to his wrists. The back of his shirt wasn’t streaked with blood, but Gavin knew the marks from the cane were still there, still burning. He knew _exactly_ how that felt. He knew how long it took to feel like he could breathe again without the lance of pain, over and over and over, for _weeks._ He knew.

And Isaac looked so goddamned _beautiful_.

Gavin nearly staggered with the force of the disgust that swept through him. _After everything I’ve done, after EVERYTHING…_

Isaac raised his head to look at Gavin. And Isaac _smiled._ Painfully, with agony written across his face, the horror of everything that had been done to him and his family so obvious in his body that Gavin was bowled over by it all again. _He’s survived so much. He survived_ me. _He’s so fucking strong, and I’m losing him tomorrow._

_And he’s_ smiling _at me._

“Um…” Gavin’s voice broke. He wet his lips and tried again. “Let me get the sheets off and… if you… stand up, maybe I could…”

“Yeah,” Isaac said softly. “Yeah. I can…” He pushed himself up off the bed, wincing. Isaac’s eyes closed slowly, and he swayed where he stood. Gavin didn’t hesitate. Didn’t think.

Gavin dropped the sheets and was across the room in moments. He caught Isaac around the waist and lowered him gently to his knees. Isaac’s head fell against Gavin’s chest.

“Fuck, I… sorry, I guess I—”

“That’s okay,” Gavin murmured. “Okay. Just… stay _here,_ and let me handle the sheets.” Isaac nodded, and Gavin carefully stepped away.

Gavin tore the sheets from his bed, throwing them into the corner with the towel. He kept his eyes away from them. He didn’t want to see, didn’t want to _think_ it. He spread the new sheets over his bed and tucked them in. He pulled the blanket over the bed and turned to Isaac. “Um… I don’t know if you want to, um, be in the bed, or…”

“Yeah,” Isaac croaked. “Bed is fine. Can I…” He swallowed dryly. “Can I have some water?”

Gavin leapt to his feet. “Oh, fuck, yeah. Of course. Let me…” He stumbled to the bathroom and grabbed the cup beside the sink, filling it up with cold water as fast as the tap could run. He made his way back to the bed. Isaac was already on it, slumped onto his side, watching Gavin as he approached. Gavin sat carefully next to him. “Um. Here.”

Isaac pushed himself painfully up to sitting. Gavin’s hand shot out and caught Isaac’s shoulder, slowly easing him up. Gavin handed the water to Isaac and yanked his hand away as soon as he realized he was still touching Isaac.

“I’m okay,” Isaac said with a weak laugh. “I got it.”

“I… I know,” Gavin said quietly. “I just want to help.”

Isaac took a sip of water and met Gavin’s eyes over the cup. “I know.”

Isaac drained the cup and set it on Gavin’s nightstand. Isaac turned back to look at Gavin, exhaustion in every line of his face. “Will you… will you, um…”

“Yeah?”

Isaac’s lips trembled and he pressed them together. “Please. Will you just, um, hold me now? You don’t have to, you don’t—”

“Yes,” Gavin breathed. He crawled onto the bed and laid down on his back, his arms out, letting Isaac decide how close to get. Letting Isaac decide how much he wanted to be touched. Isaac groaned as he lowered himself beside Gavin, his arms shaking with the effort of holding himself up. Isaac laid down beside Gavin, the length of his body pressed against Gavin’s side. Isaac pulled Gavin close and laid his head on Gavin’s shoulder.

Gavin’s heart felt like it stopped in his chest.

Slowly, numbly, Gavin wrapped his arms around Isaac. “Is this okay?” he asked through trembling lips.

“Yeah,” Isaac said softly. He pressed his face into Gavin’s neck. “I just… I just want something that doesn’t hurt. P-please.” The collar around Isaac’s throat dug into Gavin’s shoulder the slightest bit.

Gavin’s eyes slid shut just as tears rolled down the sides of his face into his hair. _How fucking desperate must he be for something that doesn’t hurt that he comes to_ me _?_ He swallowed hard. He needed to say it, needed to say the most important thing there was in the world. _I’m getting you out._ He wanted to stay here with Isaac, lie here with him forever, or at least until his mother came for him in the morning. He just wanted to hold Isaac until Isaac fell asleep, wanted to keep him safe from the pain that he knew was probably coming as soon as Isaac left this room. He wanted to die for Isaac.

He just wanted to die.

Gavin wet his lips and opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. _I need to tell him, before we run out of time._ “Isaac…” he rasped.

Isaac moved against Gavin. “Yeah?”

“I, um… I have a plan to get out.”

Isaac dragged in a shuddering gasp. He convulsed against Gavin’s side and howled against his shoulder. He completely fell apart, clutching at Gavin, sobbing against Gavin’s neck. Tears smeared on Gavin’s skin and wet the pillow beneath them. Gavin’s arms tightened around Isaac and he just wanted to… to _protect_ Isaac, the way Isaac protected everyone else. He wanted to hold the entire world at bay, let Isaac fall apart, hold him until he could put himself back together again. Gavin wanted to get his family out of this hell.

_“I thought we were going to die tomorrow,”_ Isaac sobbed, shivering and pulling Gavin close. “I thought Leo was going to, to drag me out so we, we couldn’t talk, and… and that would be…” Isaac gasped. “She’s going to kill you tomorrow, Gavin,” Isaac moaned. “You… you know that, right? You saw that?”

Gavin nodded against Isaac’s hair. “Yeah. I did. And this… you, getting to spend the night with me… that’s the thing that seals it in my mind. She trusts me so completely she’d never imagine I’d do anything but fuck you tonight.”

Isaac flinched and dug his fingers into Gavin’s side. “He… _fuck,_ Gavin, he fucking… _held me down_ … while you…”

“I know,” Gavin whimpered. “God, I’m so sorry, I…” He put his free hand against his mouth, the arm that wasn’t wrapped tight around Isaac. “I… I can’t… Isaac, I’m so _sorry_ …”

“Stop, please,” Isaac murmured, his voice thick with tears. His fingers tangled in Gavin’s shirt and he tilted his head up to look at Gavin. Gavin blinked the tears out of his eyes and turned his head to meet Isaac’s gaze.

Icy shock rushed through him as he realized Isaac’s lips were inches from his. Gavin was trapped, unable to look away from Isaac. Isaac’s eyes were red and raw from crying, but also riveted on Gavin’s. Gavin noticed for the first time that the light brown gave way to a single ring of green around Isaac’s pupils. Gavin’s eyes flicked down to Isaac’s lips. For a moment Gavin lay absolutely frozen. The blood must have stopped in his veins, the air in his lungs.

_After everything I’ve done to him, to his_ family, _this is the last thing I deserve. I’m already going to hell. I don’t need to use him one more time._

_I just want to hold him._

Gavin’s hands shook. He brought one hand up and gently cupped Isaac’s face, smoothing his thumb along Isaac’s cheekbone. Isaac’s eyes went a little wider, and his pupils blew open for a moment. Gavin pressed his lips together and slowly leaned forward until his forehead rested gently against Isaac’s.

Gavin could feel Isaac’s shaky breath on his face, could feel Isaac tilt his head up just a little more. Could feel Isaac’s fingers tighten in his shirt. His body was shot through with ice and heat. Every inch of his skin where Isaac was pressed against him was burning, the rest of his body frozen. Isaac trembled against him.

Gavin’s eyes slid shut, sending tears running down his cheeks. His jaw locked against all the words he wanted to say. _I’m sorry. I love you. I wish I’d known sooner, so maybe I could have saved you from this. I’m sorry for poisoning every part of your life. I’m sorry for scarring you. I’m sorry for breaking you. If I could, I would do it all over again. I’d take every moment of the torture I gave to you, every cut, every burn, if it meant you’d be safe. I should never have touched Sam. I should never have hurt you. I should have realized how I felt from the beginning. I should have found a way to be something else,_ anything _else. I should have left you alone. I want you, Isaac,_ Jesus _I want you, but I’d have preferred to never have met you if it meant I never caused this pain. I never wanted you like this. I should have refused to rape you. I should have held out under Leo’s torture, like you did. I should have been strong, like you. Please forgive me. Please forget me as soon as I’m dead. Please don’t ever let me go, just let me stay with you here in this bed, holding you. Please go save them, in case I can’t. Please trust me to get you out. Please just hate me, because that would be easier. Please don’t tell Gray what I did. Please get them north safely. Please don’t remember me, please don’t remember how it felt to be with me. I never, never want you to have to think about it again, once you’re free. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…_

_I want you._

_I love you._

Gavin’s hand slid from Isaac’s cheek up to his hair. Gavin smoothed his fingers through the strands, remembering how it felt to hold Isaac down like this, drag his face up so he could see his agony, keep him still with the knife at his throat. _How could I have done this to him? I knew him for what he was before I even saw his face. How could I have taken someone like that and broken him so hard?_

Gavin’s hand made a fist in Isaac’s hair and held him tighter, his forehead pressing harder against Isaac’s. Gavin took a shuddering breath and slowly blew it out, forcing down the sob building in his chest that would turn into a scream if he let it out.

_Goodbye, Isaac. I love you. Please keep them safe from people like me._

Slowly, achingly, his fingers loosened in Isaac’s hair. Gavin’s hand moved down Isaac’s neck, bumping over the collar, down his shoulder. Isaac flinched as Gavin touched the healing cuts on his arms.

_“Fuck,”_ Gavin whispered. “Where can I touch you where you won’t hurt?”

Isaac lay trembling against Gavin’s side, his head still tilted up, his eyes filled with tears. Isaac licked his lips and pressed his face against Gavin’s shoulder. Slowly, Isaac reached for Gavin’s hand and laced his fingers through Gavin’s. Isaac’s thumb stroked along the side of Gavin’s hand.

“This is fine,” Isaac murmured, his head tucked under Gavin’s chin. Gavin wished with all his being that he could see the expression on Isaac’s face, to _know_ what he was thinking. _He’s just trying to comfort me. He knows how fucking scared I am._

Gavin’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment as a wave of excruciating longing washed over him. He wanted a life with Isaac, he _wanted_ all those things he’d confessed to the night before they’d all been taken. He wanted to stay by Isaac’s side, in his bed or out of it, it didn’t matter. He wanted a place in the family. He wanted to be surrounded by the people he’d just spent the past several weeks torturing. He wanted forgiveness. He wanted _redemption._ He wanted to be _happy,_ and for a few seconds, with Isaac in his arms, he knew exactly what that felt like. Tears rolled from his closed eyes and into his hair.

But no. Tomorrow he’d get them out. Either he’d fail, and Colleen would kill him, or he’d succeed, and the family would. It was no less than he deserved. He deserved _so_ much worse. Whatever they wanted to do, he’d let them do it.

_I could have been happy with you._

Gavin pressed a kiss into Isaac’s hair and felt Isaac stop breathing against him. Gavin looked up at the ceiling, his eyes swimming with tears.

_I love you, Isaac._

“Um…” Gavin’s voice broke. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I… I know how I’m going to get you out.”

Isaac trembled. “How?” he rasped.


	74. More Expendable Than You

Gavin told Isaac to count for ten minutes after he’d been taken back to his cell. Ten minutes, and the guards would be back at their posts after dropping Isaac off. Ten minutes, and then it would start. Ten minutes and the family would make a break for freedom, or die.

Isaac had ten minutes to explain the plan and convince the family to follow it. He was already seven minutes in.

“She…” Tori’s voice shook. “She said if I… if I take it off, she’ll… she’ll kill _Vera,_ I… I _can’t_ …”

“I know she did,” Isaac said softly, counting in his head. _434\. 435. 436._ “I know. But… she won’t make it here. She won’t make it in time. Gavin will beat her here and get us out.”

“I don’t _trust_ him,” Tori whimpered. “I don’t, I don’t _trust_ him. He’s different. He’s… he’s _changed._ He hurts me, I can’t… please… he _hurts me_ …”

“I know he does, babe,” Vera said softly. “But… it’s only because he has to. If you do this, he won’t have to anymore.”

“But what if he’s lying?” Tori said weakly. “What if he really likes this? What if he just wants us for himself now, and he’s lying?”

“Tori…” Isaac’s voice broke as the flicker of a memory gripped him, a memory of Gavin’s hand gently cradling his face, pulling him close for a kiss and then pulling back at the last _moment_ … _461\. 462. 463._ “He doesn’t want to hurt us. You just have to… trust _me_ on this. Okay? I was with him last night. We were up all night planning this, going over contingencies, filling holes in the plan… If this plan doesn’t work, nothing will. Believe me. Please.”

“Why _today?_ ” Tori sobbed. “Why not weeks ago? We’ve been kept here for, for _weeks,_ and he’s been torturing us this whole time…”

“Tori,” Vera said, a hint of firmness in her voice. “He had to. He had absolutely no choice. I know it hurts, babe, but—”

“We’re doing this now because he can _help us_ now,” Isaac said. “He’s trusted. It’s why I got to stay with him. Colleen _trusts_ him. She thought he’d fuck me last night, like he’s meant to.” _508\. 509. 510._

“He still _did_ ,” Tori whispered.

Isaac swallowed hard. Gavin _did_ fuck him, with Leo holding him down, Leo’s hand in his hair, Leo forcing him down to the bed as he screamed… Isaac shuddered and forced the image from his mind. He forced away the pain as his body locked down at the memory, at the _feeling,_ of Gavin forcing himself on Isaac. Not gently, not tenderly like he had before. Gavin played the game so well that Leo believed it.

And then Gavin had nearly kissed him. _Why_ had he pulled back? If he felt nothing for Isaac, why hold him at all? Why not push him away?

  1. _540\. 541._ Isaac cleared his throat. “It had to be today because she’s going to kill him today.”



“And if she’s killing him today…” Sam spoke for the first time, shivering with terror, cowering towards the floor. “…then we’re dying today, too.”

“I know it’s terrifying,” Vera croaked. “I know it feels like you’re killing me. But… Tori… if this doesn’t work, I’m dying today anyway.”

_“No,”_ Tori sobbed. “Don’t say that, don’t _say_ that… Please…”

“If you don’t do this, I don’t get Ellis back,” Finn whimpered from their cell. “Please, Tori. I… _please._ This is how we get out. This has to be you.”

“Gavin’s done this for us once before,” Isaac rasped, a smile playing across his lips for a fraction of a second. “And that was back before _any_ of us trusted him.” _553\. 554. 555. Please, Tori. Please. Do this, or we miss our chance. Please._

“Tori, please,” Vera said softly. “I won’t take it off you myself. But… _please._ Please do it.”

Tori heaved a sob, the sound muffled by her hand. There was a rattle of chains and the sound of a body moving across the floor.

“I love you,” Tori whimpered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Vera said back, conviction strengthening her voice, evening out the tremor. “I love you so much.”

“Okay.” A sniff. “How long do we have, Isaac?”

  1. _568\. 569._ “Thirty seconds,” Isaac croaked.



“Oh, _god,_ ” Tori sobbed. “Oh, Vera, no no no _no_ …”

“It’s okay, babe. I got you. Gavin’s got us. It’s okay.”

  1. _577\. 578._



“Vera, p- _please,_ what if he kills you, what if he _kills you_ …?”

“He won’t. Just breathe, babe. You can do this.”

  1. _586\. 587._



“I-Isaac, when…?”

“Ten. Nine.”

“Oh no, oh no, oh _no_ …”

“Eight. Seven.”

“Okay okay okay.”

“Six. Five.”

“Oh, Vera, I _love you_ …”

“Four. Three.”

“I love you too.”

“Two. One. Do it, Tori.”

There was a clink, and a short _beep_. A clatter. Tori heaved a sob.

_“I took it off,”_ she whispered. “No no no no _no,_ she’s gonna… Oh, god, Vera, I’m so _sorry,_ please, no…”

“You did it, babe,” Vera said softly, pride warming her voice. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

“You remember what I said?” Isaac said breathlessly, his heart pounding in his chest. _No stopping this now._ “Get to the side. Get out of sight of the door. Stand still, don’t move.”

“Yeah,” Tori breathed. There was a scramble of hands and knees on the floor. “Oh, god. Oh, _shit._ ”

“Steady, Tori,” Isaac said gently. “You’re alright. Breathe. Slowly. In, out.”

“Right,” Tori gasped. “Breathing. Good.”

“Keep breathing. And when they come, stay perfectly silent. Stay out of the way. Don’t let them see you.”

A whimper. “Okay. I can do it.”

_“You can do this,”_ Vera said, intensity crackling in every word.

Isaac strained his hearing to try to pick up the pounding of boots, of shouts. He knew the cell block was soundproofed. There was no point in trying to hear anything. He tried, all the same.

He jumped when the door to the hallway burst open.

Three guards jogged in and went straight for Tori and Vera’s cell, guns already drawn. _Three’s better than it could have been, but more than we were hoping for._ One of them was the one who had nearly shot Isaac against his sergeant’s orders. Isaac shivered as they all stopped moving, probably taking up position around Tori and Vera’s cell.

_“Where the fuck is she?”_ one of them snarled. That was him. _Simmons._

There was a clink of a chain moving against the floor. “Beats me,” came Vera’s voice. “I haven’t seen her since last night. Didn’t you guys get an alert or something?”

“Bullshit,” another snapped. “She’s probably just… hiding in that damned corner.” There was a jingle of keys.

“She’s not here to put the muzzle on me so…” The sound of keys stopped for a moment. “Come on in here. I dare you.”

Isaac had to suppress a smile. _That’s right. Keep them talking. Give Gavin time._

“We put her down now, and look for the other one once she’s dead,” one of them murmured.

“Go right ahead,” Vera snapped. “ _That’ll_ help you find her.”

_“Shit.”_ There was a rustle of uniforms. “Do we tell Mrs. Stormbeck? Or…”

Someone banged on the door to the hallway.

Isaac could have sobbed with relief. _Colleen would have had someone with her with keys. He beat her, for now._

“Go see who the fuck that is.”

Simmons passed in front of Isaac and Sam’s cell with a withering glance in their direction. He holstered his weapon as he did. The door opened, and the guard gasped quietly.

“Oh. Ga— Mr. Stormbeck. What—”

“Move, Simmons.” Gavin stepped past the guard and stalked past Sam and Isaac, his face pulled into a mask of fury.

“Mr.—”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Stormbeck. I get it.”

“Sir, what—”

“ _That one’s_ bitch took off her collar, didn’t she?”

“Um… yes sir.”

“Fucking hell. We fucking _told_ her…”

“Sir, we were just… did you want us to put her down here? Or take her back to your moth—”

“Fuck that,” Gavin hissed. “Jones, give me your fucking gun. _I’m_ going to put her down. Fucking animal killed my father and put me in the hospital for weeks.”

“S-sir—”

“Jones, _give me your fucking gun._ ”

Isaac held his breath. _This worked once, with two idiots who had one gun between them. These guys are trained, and wearing_ body armor. _Please, Gavin, please don’t miss… I can’t listen to you die when we’re so fucking close to getting out._

There was the sound of a weapon being unholstered. “Yes, sir,” the guard said heavily. Isaac let out his breath.

Simmons took a step back and into Isaac’s view. He through a poisonous look at Sam, then Isaac. “What?” he sneered. “No drama? No begging? Thank god we’ve finally beaten that shit out of you. Now—”

_Bang._

Simmons jumped, his head snapping towards Gavin. He reached for his gun.

_Bang._

He had the gun out of his holster and was bringing it up to shoot.

_Bang._

Simmons jerked backwards and fell to the floor. Dead.

Isaac gasped. His ears rang with the sounds of the gunshots. _He did it. He fucking did it._

Through the ringing in his ears, he heard the jingle of keys.

“No, no no _no,_ ” Isaac said, lunging forward against the chains. “Make sure they’re dead, Gavin. Headshots. Don’t touch the keys yet.”

A sigh. “They _were_ headshots, Isaac.”

“Okay,” Isaac croaked. Gavin stepped into view and threw a wry glance in Isaac’s direction. “Sorry.”

Gavin yanked the keys from Simmons’ belt and went first to Isaac and Sam’s cell. Isaac felt something give way in his chest as the door swung open.

Gavin stumbled in and fell to his knees beside Isaac. He threw his arms around Isaac and buried his face in his neck.

“Isaac,” Gavin breathed. “It worked. Holy _fuck_ …”

Isaac pressed a kiss into Gavin’s hair. His stomach lurched in the same moment. _He doesn’t have to fuck me now. I don’t get to touch him like that anymore._ He looked over Gavin’s shoulder and saw Sam weakly pushing themselves up to their knees. Gavin pulled back and fumbled with the keys, reaching for the shackles around Isaac’s wrists.

Isaac yanked his hand back. “No. Start with Sam. Get them out.”

“N-no, Isaac,” Sam gasped. “If more guards come, you need to… you’re more…” They winced.

Isaac’s mouth went dry. “I’m more… what?”

“I’m…” Sam panted and wrapped their arms around their chest, splinting the cracked ribs from when they’d been kicked yesterday. “I’m, um…” Their voice dropped to a whisper. “ _Expendable._ It’s okay if I—”

Isaac all but shoved Gavin away from him. _“Free them first,”_ he growled. His hand snapped in Sam’s direction. “ _Now,_ Gavin.”

Gavin swallowed hard and turned to Sam. He unlocked the chain from their collar. They slumped to the floor, wheezing.

“Now you,” Gavin murmured. He scrambled over to Isaac and unchained him from the wall.

Isaac leapt to his feet, trying to force down the wave of nausea and dizziness that gripped him for a moment as he stood. He stumbled out of the cell and went to one of the guards lying splayed in front of Vera and Tori’s cell. Blood was slowly leaking out of the bullet holes in their heads. His hands shook as he yanked the keys from the guard’s belt and lunged for Finn’s cell. He unlocked the door and tossed the keys inside. Finn grabbed the keys and immediately reached for the chain locked to their collar.

Isaac went to the last guard and ripped the ring of keys from his belt. He unlocked Tori and Vera’s cell and passed the keys to Tori, standing just behind the bars. He turned back to the guards and reached for the nearest one.

“Gavin,” Isaac said, his voice falling into the harsh tone it always got on missions. “There’s blood. Cover your, your nose or something.”

“Already on it,” Gavin said, his voice slightly muffled. Isaac turned and saw Gavin supporting Sam, a cloth tied around Gavin’s face. Isaac’s jaw clenched shut at how pale Sam looked, at the pain in every line of their face.

Gavin set Sam gently against the wall. “Can you stand?” Gavin said softly. Isaac blinked tears out of his eyes.

“Yeah,” Sam gasped. “I’m, I’m fine.”

Gavin crammed the ring of keys into his pocket and turned to Isaac. “You all good here?”

Isaac glanced around at the others, all free of their chains, a fierceness in each of them. Even Tori. “Yeah,” he said. “Go get Ellis.”

Gavin met Isaac’s gaze for a moment, something behind his eyes that made Isaac’s chest ache. _This is the most dangerous part for him. I’m sending him back out there with no protection, no weapons…_ Isaac swallowed hard. He jerked the gun out of the guard’s holster and held it out to Gavin.

“Here,” Isaac said weakly. “Take this. I can’t let you—”

“We talked about this, Isaac,” Gavin said heavily. “You need that more than I do. If they find you, they’ll just shoot you dead. Me, at least…” Gavin shrugged, a choked laugh leaving his throat. “If they catch me, they won’t shoot me. They’ll just take me back to my mom. And if they catch me, it’ll be too late anyway.”

Something scratched at the back of Isaac’s mind, something about what Gavin said that didn’t sit right. Something that clenched Isaac’s gut. He opened his mouth to protest. _We’ll all go together. We’ll all get Ellis out. We’ll figure something out. Please, please don’t go._

Gavin turned to leave. “I’ll get Ellis. You guys get out, get to where I told you to meet me. I’ll see you there.” He pulled the door open and ran, dragging the cloth away from his face. The door closed heavily behind him.

Isaac felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Vera at his side. She looked stronger than she had in weeks, her eyes blazing. “Come on, Isaac,” she said softly. “Let’s get them out.”

He shot a glance at Sam, sagging against the wall, sweat beading on their forehead. His throat went tight. “Yeah,” he rasped. He turned back to the guard on the floor in front of him.

“Okay,” he said, his voice a little stronger. “Three guards. Three vests. Vera, Finn, suit up. Tori and Sam, you stay behind us.” He ripped the guard’s shirt open down the front and reached for the guard’s knife. He cut the rest of the shirt off and began undoing the straps on the vest. He glanced to both sides and saw Vera and Finn doing the same.

“Babe,” Tori said softly. “Do you… I mean… do you _have_ to…”

Vera didn’t look up. “Yeah,” she said curtly. _Mission mode._ “Isaac has the training, I’m ex-law enforcement, Finn’s ex—”

“Barely ex-military,” Finn snorted, a sort of fevered energy in their eyes. “Ex-military prep school? And I was bad at the military stuff.”

“Whatever,” Vera said. “We’ve got the training. We go in front.”

“But—”

Vera turned and looked at Tori. “Sam’s going to need help walking. Stay behind us. Keep your heads down. Help Sam.”

Tori bit her lip. “Okay.”

Isaac pulled the vest free and swung it up over his head, settling it over his shoulders and expertly pulling the Velcro straps tight. He grabbed the gun and checked it as Finn and Vera finished putting on their vests.

“Six rounds, plus one in the chamber,” Isaac said.

“Same,” Vera said.

“Same,” came Finn’s reply.

After another moment, Isaac yanked the belt off the guard and buckled it around his waist, sliding the guard’s knife into its sheath.

“Ready?” he said, his voice low. They all nodded. “Okay,” he said softly. “Let’s go.” He took point and pushed the door open.

Finn and Vera fell to either side of him, with Sam and Tori so close behind him he could feel them against his back. They quickly made their way down the hall.

“Left,” he said softly. He cleared the hallway, and the others followed behind. He could hear Sam’s labored breathing behind him. Each gasp punched through his own chest. He shook his head and focused on the hallway in front of him. They paused just as they were about to pass another hallway.

“Vera—”

Vera stepped out and cleared the hallway. She motioned, and they all moved silently on.

Another hallway to the right. Vera cleared it, and they moved again.

“Right here,” Isaac whispered. Again, Vera stepped out to clear it. She gasped and brought her gun up. Isaac lunged forward, his own weapon held out in front of him.

Two guards were walking quickly in their direction.

“Right,” Isaac said.

“Left,” Vera said at the same time. They both took shots. Both guards went down. Finn scrambled around the corner, their own gun held up into the hall.

“I’m sorry,” Finn panted. “I’m not—”

“It’s okay,” Vera said, her voice harsh, her eyes focused. “You’re not used to this. Isaac and I are.”

“I’m sor—”

_“Hush,”_ Vera snapped. “Not now.”

Finn swallowed and fell silent.

They moved quickly down the hallway, sidestepping the bodies of the two guards. Sam whimpered as they passed. Isaac reached one hand behind him for a moment, searching for Sam’s. Their hand slid into his and squeezed.

They reached the end of the hallway. Isaac cleared the way left, and they all moved.

“It’s another right, then a straight shot to the doors,” Isaac hissed.

A guard rounded the corner.

Finn, Isaac, and Vera all snapped their weapons up to point at him. His hands shot straight up into the air and he fell to his knees. “Please,” he gasped. “Oh, shit, _fuck,_ please don’t…”

Isaac swallowed hard. It was the young guard, the guard from before, one of the ones who’d dragged Isaac into his cell and trembled as he did it. _He’s Sam’s age, or younger._ Isaac’s hand shook around the gun.

Vera’s stance tightened as she took aim.

_“No,”_ Isaac whispered. “He’s a fucking _kid._ ”

The barrel of Vera’s gun dipped. She blew out a slow breath between her lips. “Gun on the floor,” she snarled at the guard.

The guard drew his weapon and placed it on the floor. He slid it towards Isaac.

Isaac snatched it off the floor and passed it behind him, not taking his eyes off the guard. “Tori,” he whispered. She took it from his hand.

“Knife, too.”

The guard drew it from its sheath and tossed it over. Vera grabbed it and passed it back to Sam.

“Please,” the guard begged. “I didn’t, I didn’t want to do this, they, they told me it was just _security,_ they… please, no…”

Vera dragged in a gasp beside Isaac. _“Shit.”_

_“Don’t fucking move,”_ Isaac growled.

“I won’t,” the guard sobbed, tears suddenly rolling down his cheeks. “The d-door is, it’s, you walk past me and take a right and it’s—”

“We know,” Isaac said darkly. “Don’t. Fucking. Move.”

“I won’t, I—” The guard glanced behind Isaac. “No no _no WATCH—_ ”

Isaac spun, keeping his weapon down so it wouldn’t point at Sam and Tori. A guard was barreling down the hall towards them, weapon drawn and pointed right at them. Isaac aimed for the guard’s center mass.

_Bang._

There was a spray of blood and Sam fell back against Isaac, just as the bullet punched into Isaac’s vest. He collapsed to the floor with Sam on top of him.

_Bang._

The shot came from directly above him.

Isaac couldn’t breathe. He felt like he’d been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. The bullet _had_ to have gone through. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe…

The world was fuzzy at the edges. Isaac dragged in a ragged breath, nearly screaming as his ribs creaked in his chest. The pain made him dizzy. His eyes rolled back in his head. Something wet was spilling into his lap. He looked down at Sam. They were covered in blood.

“SAM! _NO!_ ”

Isaac dropped the gun, his hands fumbling at Sam’s chest, at their neck, desperately searching for where the blood was coming from. He heaved a dry sob. His hands were slick with blood.

Someone pushed his hands away from Sam. _“No!”_ Isaac screamed. “ _No,_ let me…”

There was a flash of chestnut hair and Finn pushed Isaac away again. “Let me,” Finn snapped, focused.

Finn’s hands moved over Sam, the same way Isaac had seen dozens of times. _Head. Neck. Chest._ Their hands stuttered and stopped as they found the bleed: the bullet had torn through Sam’s upper arm. Blood was pulsing from the wound.

“Isaac. Belt. Take everything off of it.” Finn’s voice was steady as they pressed their hand into the wound. Sam gasped and whined softly.

Isaac tore the belt off this waist and stripped it of its holster and sheath. He passed it to Finn. Finn wound it around Sam’s arm at their shoulder. They pulled it tight, then tighter, then tighter. Sam screamed. Isaac’s hands jerked towards them and then back.

“No, I need your help,” Finn said. “I’ll pull it tight. You buckle it so it stays.”

“And that’ll—”

“Not for long. But we’ve got to move. Now, Isaac.”

Isaac’s hands were wet with blood as he forced the belt to buckle around Sam’s arm. There was a black spot growing in his vision as every breath stabbed through him.

Finn’s voice was at his shoulder. “I’ll carry them. Vera—”

“I’ll cover,” she said from above Isaac, her voice shaking. “Isaac, can you walk?”

“I’ll carry…” Isaac swallowed. He swayed as he pushed himself to his feet.

“No,” Finn snapped. “Your ribs might be cracked. Not risking it. I’ve got them.” They quickly gathered Sam into their arms and lifted. Sam cried out as Finn cradled them against their chest. Sam’s skin was deathly pale.

_“S-Sam,”_ Isaac sobbed.

“Let’s move,” Vera said. Her free hand closed around Isaac’s vest and jerked him forward. He stumbled after her as she cleared the next hallway. Tori and Finn followed behind, both supporting Sam. Just a few more steps. _Just a few more steps._ Isaac staggered forward, gasping.

“Gavin said… he… would have a car… said… just outside…”

“I know, Isaac,” Vera said, her voice strained. She reached the doors and shoved them open. They all rushed through and down the steps. There was a black, nondescript car at the bottom, already running. A valet stepped out of the car, a look of surprise and concern on his face. Vera took aim.

“No…” Isaac heaved.

“Necessary evil,” Vera said darkly. She took a shot. The valet jerked and toppled over into the driveway. She dashed down the stairs and pulled the car doors open for the others.

Finn and Tori stumbled on the steps and Sam nearly fell from their grasp. Sam let out a shriek of agony.

Isaac glanced up and his stomach clenched in panic. The young guard was barreling down the steps towards them. The gun Isaac had been carrying was held tight in the guard’s hand.

“V-Vera, _Vera!_ ” Isaac rasped, his voice raw. Vera turned and gasped, raising her gun to point it at the guard.

“No no no no! Don’t shoot! I…” The guard shoved the gun into his holster and raised his hands. “Just… just let me…” He knelt beside Sam and pulled them roughly into his arms.

_“NO!”_ Isaac screamed. “No, _no!_ ” He fumbled for the gun he _knew_ wasn’t there, he _knew_ it was in the guard’s holster, and he was _taking Sam_ …

The guard staggered down the steps towards the car with Sam in his arms. Isaac’s mouth fell open.

“Come on!” the guard yelled over his shoulder. “Come on, I… I want to help, _please_ …”

“What the… _fuck_ …” Vera breathed.

_“Please,”_ the guard sobbed. “Please, I… I just want to, to _help_ …”

Finn and Tori ran towards the guard and helped support Sam to the car. “We need to fucking _go,_ ” Tori hissed. “If he wants to help…”

Finn and Tori helped the guard as he carried Sam into the back seat and laid them across it. Sam whimpered, blood soaking into their clothes.

_“Hey,”_ Vera barked at the guard. “The _fuck_ is your name?”

“Zachariah,” the guard panted. His hands shot into the air as soon as his hands left Sam.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Vera snarled.

“H-helping,” the guard whimpered. “Please. I… I’m _sorry_ …”

“Get the fuck out, then,” Vera snapped. Isaac glanced up at her and saw _concern,_ not hatred. “Get the fuck out. Go back to the house. If they find you with us they’ll _kill you._ Go. Now.”

The guard fell backwards out of the car and scrambled up the steps. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry… I… I don’t want to _be_ this anymore,” he sobbed.

Vera paused and looked at him, her eyes shining with tears. “Then head north,” she said heavily. “Keep heading north until there are no syndicates. You’ll reach a town. You’ll know you’re there, trust me. Tell them you’re a refugee and we sent you. You know our names?”

“Yes,” the guard breathed. “Thank you.” He turned and ran back into the house.

Isaac stumbled down the rest of the stairs. He eased himself into the middle seat and immediately reached back for Sam.

“Finn,” he gasped. “How do we, how…”

“I don’t know,” Finn said, their voice on the edge of a sob. “I don’t _know._ But we’ve got to switch out this tourniquet. And I… they’ve lost so much blood already, I… I need to…” Finn’s voice broke. “I can’t _fix this_ without my med kit…”

Isaac turned his gaze back to the house, his vision blurred with tears. Sam was dying, and Gavin might be dead. _If we go, can Finn save Sam? We’re hundreds of miles from friendly territory. And…_ Isaac’s stomach heaved with the _amount_ of blood on Sam’s clothes, on his, soaking into the seat of the car. _Finn can’t fix this here. But if we go, if we go, if we_ go _…_

“We just have to… wait for… Gavin and Ellis,” Isaac said almost to himself, his chest aching with each word. “They… they just have to… to make it out. And then we can go.”


	75. Chapter 75

Gavin walked quickly down the hall. Not running, but walking like he had somewhere to be. Running would _instantly_ arouse suspicion. He had to get to Ellis. He _had_ to.

The keys in his pocket jingled slightly as he walked. He didn’t have far to go. Ellis hadn’t really been held that far from the others. Down the hall, take a right, take a left, down the stairs. There was only one place in the house with solitary cells. Finding Ellis would be easy.

Convincing them he was there to help would _not_ be.

He bit his lip as he made his way down the stairs and into the dark hall, the cells already visible on the right. _They’re going to think I betrayed them. There’s no way they’ve been through this hell and not thought it was my fault._

_It_ was _my fault._

He slowed, then stopped in front of the cell door. He dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out the keys. He sucked in a breath through his teeth and unlocked the door. He pushed it open.

Ellis was lying huddled against the back wall, shivering. Their eyes went wide as the door opened, then wider as their gaze settled on Gavin. They didn’t have a mark on them, yet their eyes carried a tortured vacancy that make Gavin’s blood run cold. Gavin’s mouth was dry. He opened his mouth to speak.

_“Gavin,”_ Ellis whispered, pushing themselves slowly up to sitting. “Are they… what are you… why…?”

“I’m getting you out,” Gavin said in a rush, the words tumbling over each other. “Escape. Now.”

Ellis’s eyes filled with tears and they stared at him, their expression torn between dubiousness and desperate hope. _“What?”_

“Long story, I’ll tell you later.” Gavin stepped fully into the room. “Right now we have to _move._ We don’t have a lot of time.” He knelt by Ellis’s side and reached for their collar. He was shocked when they held still and let him steady them as he brought the keys up to unlock it.

“It took you a long time,” Ellis murmured, their voice hollow.

A shudder rocked through Gavin and he bit his lip against the burn of tears in his eyes. “I know,” he said weakly.

“If you’d come sooner, the… the others…”

“I _know,_ ” Gavin whimpered, his hands fumbling with the chain. The lock clicked open, and the end of the chain fell to the floor. “I’m _sorry._ ” His voice broke.

“But you came for _me?_ ” Ellis rasped.

“The others are getting out, too,” Gavin said as he held his hand out to them. “I got to them first.”

“That’s good.” Ellis let Gavin pull them to their feet. They swayed, their hand going to their forehead. “That’s good.”

There was an emptiness in Ellis that made the hair stand up on the back of Gavin’s neck. _Whatever they did to Ellis, it broke them. It completely fucking broke them. Oh, god, what have I done? What did I let them do?_

_Just a little longer._

“Come on,” Gavin said softly. He pulled Ellis gently towards the door. Ellis stumbled numbly after.

Gavin made sure the hallway was empty before waving Ellis on. Gavin began to walk quickly down the hall.

Ellis gasped. _“Wait,”_ they whimpered. “Wait, _wait,_ please, I…” Gavin turned back to face Ellis. Tears streamed down their cheeks, a sort of hopeless despair seeming to crush them in front of Gavin’s eyes. Ellis clutched at Gavin’s hand. “I…” Ellis wrapped one arm around their chest, like they were pressing on a fatal wound. “Please, before we go… take me to their bodies. I just want to see them one last time.”

Gavin stared blankly at Ellis. “…what?”

Ellis bit their lip. “I know it’s dangerous, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry,_ but let me say goodbye. I… want to see Isaac and Sam one, one last time. And… and…” Their face broke and they heaved a sob. “…and _Finn._ Please.” Their gaze moved over Gavin’s face, pleading. Begging. _“Please.”_

Gavin’s mouth opened slightly. “Uh… what do you…?”

_“Please!”_ Ellis wailed. “Please, I just want to… want to see them. One last time. _Please._ ”

The realization hit Gavin like a bullet. _Oh, god. Oh, no. That’s what my mom did._ That’s _the torture Ellis had to endure. Oh…_ god _…_

Gavin licked his lips. “Ellis,” he said softly. “They’re not… they’re not _dead._ They’re getting out, too.”

Ellis’s eyes went cold. Gavin swallowed hard. He opened his mouth to explain.

Ellis rocked back and slapped Gavin across the face with all their strength. Gavin stumbled to the side and nearly fell, stunned.

“How _dare_ you give me that kind of hope,” Ellis hissed, descending on Gavin. Their body shuddered and they nearly doubled over with a sob. “How _dare_ you.” Their face was a mask of fury as their hands curled into fists in his shirt, jerking him close. Gavin pushed weakly at their hands as they glared up at him. “How… how could you… _say that_ …” Ellis released Gavin’s shirt and staggered backwards, a hand going to their mouth. They heaved a broken sob. “How could you say that… that Finn is… is…”

“Because they _are,_ ” Gavin urged, reaching for their hand. “Come on. We gotta go. None of them are dead. Please. Let’s _go._ ” He grabbed Ellis and pulled them forward.

Ellis stepped into Gavin and stuck a finger in his face. “If you’re lying,” they seethed, quivering with rage and anguish and _hope,_ “I’m going to fucking _beat you to death._ ”

_Not yet. Not until I’ve gotten you all out._ Gavin pressed his lips together. “If I’m lying,” he said heavily, “I’ll let you. I promise.”

Ellis’s eyes sought Gavin’s, searching for something. Signs of deception. Signs that this whole thing was going to crash down on Ellis’s head all over again.

Something shifted in Ellis’s expression. Whatever they saw in Gavin’s face, it must have been enough. They nodded and stepped forward.

“Okay,” they murmured. “Let’s go.”

Gavin let out a breath and turned to run back down the hall the way they came. _Now_ was the time for running.

Ellis’s footsteps pounded down the hall behind him. “They’ve all been alive this whole time?” Ellis panted behind Gavin as they dashed up the stairs. “I… I didn’t…”

“They’re all alive,” Gavin threw over his shoulder. _At least, they were when I left them. NO, STOP._ “They’re alive. They’re in… rough shape.”

“Did Colleen hurt Finn?” Ellis sobbed.

“Not nearly as badly as the others.” Gavin bit his lip. _Maybe not the best way to phrase that?_ He reached the top of the stairs. “They were branded, but other than that, Finn hasn’t been touched.” _Take a right._

There was a gasp behind Gavin. “B- _branded?_ ”

“Believe me,” Gavin said darkly. “It’s not the worst thing to have happened.” He was suddenly overtaken by a wash of shame. Behind his eyes he saw Isaac, pinned under him. Isaac, screaming as Leo held him down. Isaac, sobbing in Gavin’s arms last night. _I’m losing him today._

“Who’s the worst off?” Ellis said tightly.

Gavin shoved down his despair. _Take a left._ “Sam,” Gavin whimpered. “She… she’s been hurting Sam. To hurt Isaac. But Isaac’s pretty bad, too.”

_“No.”_

Gavin dashed past the hallway where the others had been kept. _They’ll never be trapped there again. Soon they’ll be free. Safe from people like me._

Gavin shivered. They hadn’t met any guards yet. Gavin was hoping with all his soul that they wouldn’t. While it would spell death for him, too, there was no way Ellis would survive for even a minute if they were caught dashing through the halls with Gavin. _Take a right._ But the fact that they hadn’t met any still made Gavin’s stomach clench. _Are the guards somewhere else, hunting down the rest of the family? Have they all been dragged back in chains?_ Gavin swallowed. _No. Isaac will keep them safe. Isaac can do it._

“How much further?” Ellis whimpered. “I… I want to see Finn. I want, I want to see _Finn._ ”

_Take a left._ “Not much. Another right, then we’re out.”

_“Oh.”_ Ellis heaved a broken sob behind Gavin as they ran. “Finn, oh god, please don’t be dead, _please don’t be dead_ …”

_Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead. I’d never fucking forgive myself if they died. Please, please let them get out. Please just let me live long enough to see them free. Then they can kill me, and this nightmare can be over._

Gavin tore to the right. He could _see_ the doors to the outside. “It’s those,” he panted. “It’s those, then down the steps. There should be a car. The, the others should—”

_“STORMBECK!”_ Leo’s voice bellowed from behind them.

_“No!”_ Gavin screamed. He reached behind him and shoved Ellis in front of him. “Keep going keep going keep going keep going _keep going_ …”

_Bang._

Gavin cried out and stumbled as the bullet flew past his shoulder, burying itself in the wall beside the door. _A warning shot._

_“STORMBECK! STOP!”_

_Bang._

Gavin _felt_ the air shift as the bullet whizzed by him. Closer, this time.

_“DON’T STOP!”_ Gavin screamed. _“DON’T STOP! KEEP RUNNING!”_ The doors were mere feet away.

Ellis slammed into the doors and pushed one open. They looked back at Gavin, panic and hope twisted together on their face.

_“GO!”_ Gavin screamed. _“GO GO GO!”_

Ellis disappeared through the door.

_If I follow, Leo will just follow me out and shoot them all._ Gavin reached the door and pulled it shut with a slam. He threw himself against it, waiting for the bullet. _Please, please let them all have gotten out. Please don’t let them be at their cells still, and come down that hall and find_ Leo _. Please, please just leave me and run._

_“STORMBECK!”_ Leo roared. Gavin shivered and heaved a sob. Leo sounded like he was mere feet behind him. Gavin spun, holding out his hands to defend himself. As if he could defend himself against a gun. As if he could defend himself against someone like Leo.

Leo reached Gavin and slammed him back against the doors. One hand wrapped around Gavin’s throat. “You stupid fucking _bitch,_ ” Leo snarled in his face. “Faking the whole damn time, huh? What, fucking Moore was just a fucking _bonus?_ ” He slammed Gavin back against the doors again.

Gavin whimpered, his cheeks wet with tears as he bared his teeth at Leo. “He was never mine,” Gavin rasped. “I never wanted that.”

“Could’ve fucking fooled me,” Leo spat. He shoved the gun up under Gavin’s chin.

Gavin sobbed and squeezed his eyes shut. _He’s the one who kills me, then._

“I bet you’ll get the chance again,” Leo hissed. He thrust his chin towards the door behind Gavin. “I don’t need to go after them. I don’t give a _fuck_ about them. They’ll get rounded up and brought _right_ back here. _You’re_ the one Colleen _really_ cares about. And I’m sure Colleen will make you fuck him again, not nicely this time. And again, and again, and again. And then she’ll make you kill him. Not before I’ve had my turn with him, though. I never liked the broken ones, but _damn_ you made it look fun.”

_“No,”_ Gavin sobbed, and shoved his hands against Leo’s chest.

Leo’s hand tightened around Gavin’s throat and forced the barrel of the gun harder under Gavin’s chin. Gavin whined softly.

“You never were a fucking Stormbeck, were you? Weak little _bitch,_ ” Leo snarled. “Even when I worked for you, you were always fucking _weak._ Couldn’t even fuck your own playthings. Always putting them out of their misery when you broke them, instead of letting them live broken. What the fuck is _wrong_ with you? You had _everything._ ” Gavin felt Leo’s breath hot on his face. “And you couldn’t even figure that shit out. Shoulda known you’d develop this bitchy little crush on Moore. You’re perfect for each other. Whiny little bodyguard who can’t protect for shit, and a bitchy little syndicate son who can’t fuck his own _goddamned playthings._ ”

_“Shut up!”_ Gavin screamed. He yanked at the hand wrapped around his throat.

Leo leaned in closer, his face inches away from Gavin’s. “I’m more a syndicate son than you ever were, _Stormbeck._ And you know what I hope?” A grin spread across Leo’s face. “I hope your mom puts a fucking collar on you this time. And you know what else?” The gun ground into Gavin’s jaw. “I hope she lets me put you down myself,” Leo whispered.

Rage surged through Gavin, a final jolt of adrenaline that was all his body had left to give. “You never talked this much when you worked for me,” Gavin spat, his chest heaving with terror. _I knew this was coming. I knew I was dying today._ “Good thing. I would’ve had you out on your ass.”

Leo chuckled. “God damn, I can’t wait to watch you die.”

Leo yanked Gavin away from the doors and wrapped an arm around Gavin’s neck. The barrel of the gun went against Gavin’s temple. “Come on, Stormbeck,” Leo said with a laugh. “Time to go find your mom.” He dragged Gavin down the hall. Gavin stumbled beside Leo and heaved a sob.

_Please, please let me be the only one who dies today._


	76. Chapter 76

Vera sat in the open door of the passenger seat, her hand clamped so tight around her gun that her fingers ached. Thirty seconds had passed, if that, since the team reached the car. Every second flayed her alive. She pushed her tears down, pushed down the terror welling up in her chest. _Sam is dying. Sam is dying. Sam is dying._

She couldn’t look in the back seat. She couldn’t look at Finn helplessly wringing their hands over Sam, muttering to themselves. She caught only a few words at a time.

_“…tourniquet for eight hours…”_

_“…need fluids, but…”_

_“…Sam,_ please, _stay awake…”_

Her eyes shone with tears. She blinked them away, her gaze fixed on the front door. The door where Ellis and Gavin were supposed to come out any time now.

Any time now.

Any time.

She pushed away the sound of Isaac sobbing in the middle seat of the car. _“Sam, no, I’m s-so sorry, I should ha-have put my vest on, on_ you _, p-please, Sam,_ no _…”_

Almost worse than Isaac’s sobs was Tori’s silence. She sat huddled beside Isaac, her arms wrapped around her legs, her knees against her chest, and shivered. Her eyes were unfocused, far away. If Vera hadn’t had to watch the door, she would’ve had her arms around Tori, her face buried in Tori’s hair, her lips anywhere Tori would let Vera kiss her. But she couldn’t do that. Not with Isaac falling apart in the middle seat.

_Tori probably isn’t even here._

Vera whimpered softly, and tossed her head to clear the thought.

She couldn’t listen to any of it. She couldn’t stand the waiting, the knowing that they were moments from freedom but they _couldn’t leave_. Couldn’t leave their _family_ behind. If they left Ellis, Finn would break. And if they left Gavin…

_I’m not fucking leaving Gavin. I said he’s on the team. He’s not…_ family… _but he’s ours, just as much as any of us are. He’s suffered right alongside us. He broke, so we’d have a shot at escaping. I’m not fucking leaving him._

_Bang._

The muffled gunshot punched Vera in the chest like she had taken the bullet. _That was right behind the door._ Her gun snapped up to point at the door. _If someone’s shooting, they’re probably shooting at Ellis. Or Gavin. No…_

_Bang._

Vera lurched forward, ready to charge the door and help whoever it was behind it. _They didn’t have a gun. There’s no way it’s them shooting. Unless they got one…_ The thoughts flew through Vera’s mind in the moment it took for her to climb the first step.

Vera’s heart nearly burst as the door banged open. Ellis ran out. Gavin wasn’t behind them. The door slammed closed.

“Finn. _Finn_ …” Vera dashed around to the back door and pulled it open. “ _Finn,_ it’s Ellis.”

Finn looked up from Sam where they lay across the back seat and let out a strangled sob. Finn launched themselves out of the car. Just as they got to their feet Ellis collided with them and slammed them back against the car so hard it rocked to the side.

_“Finn,”_ Ellis sobbed, barely able to speak through their tears, their hands touching every inch of Finn that they could reach. _“Finn, I love you so much, I thought you were dead, Finn, I…”_ Ellis pulled Finn into a kiss, shoving their mouth against Finn’s with a desperation that bordered on violence. Ellis spoke against Finn’s lips as tears poured down their cheeks. _“Finn, babe, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…”_

Finn wrapped their arms around Ellis’s waist and pulled them tight against them, wailing Ellis’s name. _“Ellis,”_ they cried. _“Oh, Ellis, you… you’re here, you’re_ alive _…”_

“Ellis,” Vera rasped, putting a hand gently on their shoulder. Not pushing them away from Finn, but pulling them closer to her. Her fear stated bitter on her tongue. “Where’s Gavin?”

Ellis twisted to look back towards the house. “G-Gavin, he…” Ellis tore a hand through their hair and whined softly. “L-Leo—”

_“No,”_ Isaac whimpered from the middle seat, straining forward towards the door, one hand still stretched back into the back seat, reaching for Sam. “Did Leo… did he…?” Isaac covered his mouth and sobbed.

“Leo shot at us b-but he didn’t hit us,” Ellis said, tears running into Finn’s shirt. “G-Gavin stayed behind, to, to… to give me a ch-chance to run…” Ellis hiccoughed as they cried.

_“No,”_ Isaac said, staggering out of the car. “Finn, give me your gun, _please,_ let me—”

“No,” Vera growled, looking back at the house. “Isaac, _no._ You’re hurt. I’m going in.”

“N-not without me,” Isaac whimpered. “Vera, _please,_ I n-need to find him, I need, I need…”

Vera placed a hand on Isaac’s vest and pushed. Not roughly, but enough to prove her point. Isaac grimaced and sucked in a breath through his teeth.

“No,” Vera said softly. “You can’t help him like this. I’m going in.” She lifted her chin. “If I’m not back in ten, or if someone comes out that door who isn’t me, run. Run like hell, okay?”

_“Vera,”_ Isaac sobbed, and clutched at her. “V-Vera…”

Vera took Isaac’s chin roughly in her hand. “Don’t insult me by saying I can’t do it,” she said, forcing a smile across her face. “I’ll be right back.” She released Isaac.

“Okay,” Isaac whispered. He crumpled back into the car and leaned over the middle seat, reaching back to take Sam’s hand. Sam stirred and whimpered weakly.

Vera turned back to the house and adjusted her grip on her gun. Carefully, she climbed the stairs, every nerve buzzing. Her skin felt like it was on fire. She blew out a slow breath as she reached the door. Her hands shook as she pulled it open, her gun held out in front of her. There was no one on the other side. She swallowed hard and stalked down the hall.

There was one place Leo would take Gavin, if Gavin was still alive. There was no way Leo would kill Gavin outright. He’d take Gavin to his mother, so his mother could do it. And if his mother truly was as much a creature of habit as she seemed, she would only do it in one place. And Vera remembered how to get there.

She made a left. No guards. Then a right. She shuddered, hoping they were somewhere else in the house, searching for the others. Every second seemed to slow, her own body moving through the air with an unshakeable sense of unreality. Any moment, she could die.

_Any moment, she could find Gavin’s body._

With a jolt, she realized she’d made a mistake. She hadn’t taken Finn’s ammo with her. _I have four rounds left. God fucking help me._ But if the guards found the family outside, Finn would need it.

Besides, if she killed any more guards, she’d just take their ammo. _I’m three-two with Isaac. I could stand to up my count with these fuckers._ If her family wasn’t at stake, she might have stayed, just to make sure she killed every single one of them. _They deserve to die._

Another turn. Another turn. Another turn. Why Colleen would have such a fucking maze for a house was beyond Vera. _Maybe it’s to keep captives confused. Maybe it’s to keep us from finding the way out._ Somehow, Vera figured captives didn’t find their way out of here very often. Maybe they were the first.

She made another right. Her heart pounded in her chest. She approached the door of Colleen’s office. Vera’s hand shook as it settled on the doorknob. Her blood thundered through her ears. Another slow breath. She twisted the knob and shoved the door open. Her eyes went wide.

Gavin was on his knees, hunched over, sobbing at his mother’s feet. Colleen was staring down at him with a smug, poisonous smile on her face, her arms crossed delicately across her chest, looking like the picture of ease.

Vera’s heart clenched as the door swung open all the way. Leo stood behind Gavin, a gun pointed at the back of Gavin’s head.

_THREAT._

_Two to the chest, one to the head._

Vera’s finger pulled the trigger almost before her brain sent the command. She felt the recoil of the gun. Heard the shots. Saw Leo jerk, then crumple to the floor.

Vera snapped her gun to the side and pointed it at Colleen. Adrenaline poured through Vera’s system. _One shot left._ She took aim. She fired.

Colleen lurched to the right, the bullet punching through her shoulder. Colleen toppled to the floor. The slide on Vera’s gun locked back. Empty.

Vera lunged towards Leo where he lay unmoving on the floor, blood running from the hole in his skull. She snatched up the gun that had fallen from his hand. Vera stepped over Colleen and looked down at her, pure hate boiling in her stomach. Vera shivered as rage swept through her. _I’m going to fucking kill you, Stormbeck._

Colleen stared up at Vera with _terror_ in her eyes. Colleen clutched at her shoulder, gasping, blood pouring out from between her fingers. Vera licked her lips, savoring the feeling of burning retribution that clutched at her chest. Colleen looked fragile. Weak. Colleen looked like she was _nothing_ , now that she didn’t have her guards around her to hurt whomever it was that Colleen wanted hurt.

_She_ is _nothing._

Vera pointed her gun at Colleen’s head. _“You should never have touched my people,”_ Vera spat through her teeth. She pulled the trigger. The bullet tore through Colleen’s skull.

For a moment that could have been an eternity, Vera looked down at Colleen and watched her die. Colleen’s forehead was a mess of blood and shattered bone, and her eyes went dull, unfocused, all the life gone from behind them. The look of terror was still etched on her face.

Vera shuddered as she looked down at the woman who had _tortured Tori,_ who had hurt every single one of her family. _You’ll never touch my people again._ A spasm of dying rage gripped Vera for a moment. Vera clenched her jaw and pushed it down. _Mission’s not done._ She turned back to face Gavin.

Gavin was still on his knees, his hands raised above his head. He cowered away from Vera, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Tears poured down his face and he stifled a sob. “Okay,” he whispered, and nodded.

Vera’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Um… Gavin… what are you doing?”

“I’m _sorry,_ ” he said weakly. “I’m so sorry. God, I’m sorry. But please, j-just… please don’t make it hurt, _please_ …” He dissolved into sobs.

Vera’s mouth fell open slowly. “What… what the fuck are you _talking_ about?”

“I kn-know you’re going to kill me, I d-deserve it, just… please… _please_ don’t make it hurt, I…”

“I’m not gonna kill you, Gavin,” Vera said, impatient, taking a step towards him and holding out her hand. “Come on. Get up. We don’t have much time.”

Gavin cast a glance at his mother where she lay dead on the floor. He shivered and ducked his head. “But… you s-said… she sh-shouldn’t have… hurt your people, and I—”

“You _are_ my people, dumbass.” Vera grabbed Gavin’s arm and tried to pull him up to standing. “Come on.”

_“No!”_ Gavin sobbed, and pulled away. “P-please don’t, don’t take me out there to do it, I… I can’t… f- _face_ them, please don’t… don’t make me… I’m sorry, I’m _sorry,_ but I… can’t… please just do it here, _please_ …”

“Okay, Gavin, get your shit together,” Vera snapped, her chest tightening with a growing panic, her heart beating hard, counting away the seconds. “We don’t have a lot of time. We have to go, _now._ You can lose your shit after we’re on the road.”

“Vera, _please!_ ” Gavin sobbed, clutching at Vera’s hand. Reaching for the gun. Pointing it at himself. “I know it’s going to happen, it _has_ to happen. Please, _please_ d-don’t make me look at the others, they… I kn-know I don’t deserve f-forgiveness, but I… _please,_ will you just… do this for me…?”

Vera jerked her hand away, pulling the gun out of his reach. _Is this what Colleen did to him? Made him think that…?_

_Ryan said the same fucking things._

Vera swallowed hard and yanked Gavin to his feet. “Enough of that shit,” she growled. “We’re going. Get your shit together. They’ll leave without us.”

_“No,”_ Gavin whimpered.

Vera checked the gun. _Five rounds. Dammit._ “Let’s go. Stay behind me. Keep up, or I swear to Christ…”

“I will,” Gavin whispered, his face wet with tears. “I’m s-sorry.”

Vera pressed her lips together as she pushed the door open and stalked out into the hall. She pulled Gavin behind her. Her eyes burned with tears.

_He was_ good, she thought with a wave of grief. _He was good, he was_ ours, _he was becoming_ good. _And Colleen took that away from him._ A tear escaped to roll down her cheek. _He can be that again. We’ll help him. We’ll help him remember who he really is._

Gavin stumbled along behind, crying softly. _“I’m sorry,”_ he mumbled, over and over and over. _“I’m sorry.”_

_What if he’s broken? So broken we can’t fix him?_

_No. I was broken, and I found my way._

She retraced her steps, one hand clamped down on Gavin’s shirt, the other tightly clutching her gun.

She stepped out to clear the hallway and nearly collided with a guard. He reached for his gun. Before he could get it out of its holster, Vera fired a shot. The guard crumpled to the ground.

“Mother _fuck,_ ” Vera hissed. “Why haven’t we seen any more?”

“I don’t know,” Gavin whimpered. “I don’t know.”

Vera sighed and ground her teeth together. _He’s not Gavin Stormbeck anymore. Why does he have to be such a fucking dumbass about this_ right now _?_

A left. A right. She could see the doors to the outside. _Christ, I hope they don’t shoot me as I come out._ She shook her head. _Isaac’s not stupid. He’ll make sure nobody shoots us._

She reached the doors. Gavin pulled away from Vera, making a desperate lunge back down the hall.

_“Hey!”_ Vera barked. She grabbed the collar of Gavin’s shirt and yanked him backwards. He stumbled into her. “The _fuck_ are you doing?”

“Please, no,” Gavin whimpered. “I know I… I’m fucking _evil_ but I… please just kill me here. Please. Please d-don’t make me… _please_ …”

Vera’s hand closed on the front of Gavin’s shirt and she jerked him close, so close their noses were almost touching. _“Fucking stop that,”_ she said, her voice trembling. “ _Fucking stop._ There isn’t a single _one of us_ who blames you for this. We know you did what you had to do. We fucking _know_ how much it hurt you. Okay? I see it. We all saw it. We’re not going to kill you, okay?” Vera’s vision blurred with tears. She furiously wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “You’re _Gavin fucking Uriah,_ ” she said softly. “And you’re our _family._ ”

Gavin erupted into sobs, nearly falling to his knees, held up only by Vera’s hand on his shirt. She pulled him upright again. _“Get your shit together, Uriah,”_ she spat through her teeth. “We’re almost out.” She pulled him towards the doors again.

Gavin hesitated for a moment. Vera adjusted her hold on Gavin and dragged him down the stairs, her hand clamped tight on the back of his shirt like he was an unruly kitten. He panted behind her, sobs making their way out between breaths. The car door opened and Isaac stumbled out. The front of his pants and the lower part of his vest were still soaked in blood.

Gavin gasped. "Isaac, oh god, _no_ …"

"Not his blood," Vera rasped. "Not his—”

As they reached the car, Isaac lunged forward and pulled Gavin into a bruising kiss.

_Oh. Cool. So Isaac's completely lost it._

Isaac broke the kiss and opened the front passenger door, shoving Gavin inside. "There's blood," Isaac said harshly. "There's, there's _blood_ , stay up here so you can't, um, smell it…” He went to close the door.

"Who is it?" Gavin whispered, his hand shooting out to brace the door open. He threw a glance over his shoulder into the car. "Is it—”

"It's Sam," Isaac sobbed.

Gavin folded forward with a sob, his hands going to his hair. _“No,”_ he whimpered. _“NO!”_

Vera closed the car door on Gavin, muffling his sobs. She pushed Isaac into the middle seat next to Tori and Ellis. Finn’s hands still moved over Sam in the back seat.

Vera threw the door closed and dashed to the driver’s seat. She slammed the car into gear and tore out of the driveway, leaving the house behind.


	77. Chapter 77

Isaac felt torn in two directions. In the front seat was Gavin, _his_ Gavin, whatever Gavin was to him, sobbing like his heart was being cut out of his chest. Gavin wasn’t bleeding, wasn’t _hurt_ … But he hadn’t looked at Isaac _once_ since Vera dragged him to the car. Since Isaac _kissed_ him. He didn’t want to, hadn’t planned on it, but once he saw Gavin being dragged out of the house, when Isaac had been so sure he was about to lose him… But Isaac _kissed_ him, like Gavin was his to touch. Isaac’s cheeks burned with shame.

_HE’S NOT MINE ANYMORE._

_He never was. I was his, if anything. And he didn’t want to have me._

_I can’t blame him for that._

The greater pain, the pain that threatened to crush him, choke him, _destroy him,_ came with the sound of Sam’s whimpers from the back seat. Isaac turned to look at them, to reach back for their hand. Isaac’s gaze moved over Sam helplessly as he trembled. Their curls were soaked with sweat and plastered to their forehead. Their skin was a sort of grey color that made something deep in Isaac’s gut go ice cold. The collar— The _collar_ around Sam’s throat was soaked with blood, moving with each shuddering breath that Sam took. Blood was _everywhere._ Staining Sam’s clothes, soaked into the seat of the car, staining Finn’s hands. It was more blood than Isaac had ever seen come from someone who was still alive. Gray had bled less. Sam was dying. Sam was _dying._

Finn checked the tourniquet, over and over and over, holding back what sounded like sobs of their own. Ellis sat next to Isaac, but they were leaned almost completely over the back seat, their gaze fixed on Finn, reaching out to touch them. Ellis hadn’t taken a hand off Finn since they’d escaped the house.

Finn let out a strangled cry and snapped their head up towards Vera.

“It failed,” Finn said weakly. “They’re bleeding again. I need—”

 _“Fuck,”_ Isaac sobbed, reaching out to Sam with both hands. Finn leaned hard against the wound on Sam’s arm, a bloody mess of flesh on the inside of their upper arm. A few inches to the left, it would have been a lung. An inch to the right, it would have shattered bone. Isaac grasped their left arm, the arm that was still intact, and looked helplessly at Vera. “Vera…”

 _If Sam dies, this is all for nothing. If they die… it hasn’t even been a year since I tried to die for them. And if they die…_ Isaac’s throat went tight. _If I’d protected Sam properly from the start, if Gavin never took them, if they were still safe and healthy…_ Isaac swallowed. _But I wouldn’t have Gavin. He wouldn’t be… wouldn’t be_ good _._ Were those Isaac’s only two options? Sam’s life, or Gavin’s soul?

He knew which one he would choose. It was the same answer it had always been.

Vera’s jaw worked as she screeched down the long driveway and out into the street, cars close on both sides with the morning rush hour. Vera’s eyes went wide with sudden realization.

 _“Tori,”_ Vera snapped, her voice harsh with stress. Tori looked up at Vera, lethargic. “ _Tori._ Are we far from your friend’s house? The friend we were supposed to stay with?”

Tori looked out the window blankly. “I don’t know,” she said, her voice hollow.

Vera blew out a breath through her nose. “If I find our cross streets, could you find her?”

Tori swallowed drily and shrugged. “I don’t know,” she rasped.

Vera heaved a shaking breath, then glanced at Gavin as she pulled past a slow-moving car. “Hey.” Gavin curled harder into himself. Vera socked him on the shoulder. _“Hey.”_

Gavin scrubbed his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry_ …”

“Jesus Christ,” Vera breathed, and her voice broke. “Gavin…” She made a hard turn. “I need you to focus. How well do you know this city? Would you be able to find a house for us?”

Isaac stared at Gavin, his hand still reached back towards Sam and clasping their hand. _Please. I can’t help them, but you can._

After a moment, Gavin bit his lip and nodded.

“Great. Do you remember the directions we went over? How do we get to her friend’s house? Is it close?”

Gavin looked out the window at the street signs as they sped by. People _moved out of the way_ for them. Let them pass. Isaac shuddered to think of the implications of that.

“Um…” Tears streamed down Gavin’s face. His hands trembled and he clenched them into fists.

“Gavin,” Vera said softly, her hands remaining tight on the wheel. Isaac could barely hear her. “Gavin, listen to me. If you want redemption, then _please_ help me save Sam.”

Gavin looked at Vera with despair hanging heavy on his face. Isaac reached forward. His fingers brushed against Gavin’s arm.

Gavin pulled his arm away with a sob. Isaac froze, shock and humiliation moving through him in a wave.

“Gavin,” Vera said, almost gently. “Help me save Sam.”

“Will you kill me after that?” Gavin whimpered, his gaze locked on Vera. “Please?”

 _“What?”_ Isaac lurched forward in shock, his eyes darting between Vera and Gavin. “Will we… _what?_ Gavin… _no_ …” Isaac was breaking, he was breaking, he was _shattering._ _Sam is dying, and Gavin wants to die?_ “Gavin… why would…? Gavin…” Isaac whimpered, pulled between Sam and Gavin. Torn between them. _Why would Gavin want us to kill him? Why does he want to die? How could he think we_ hate _him that much, after everything he’s done for us? I know how hard he broke for us. I know what he took on himself to keep us alive. How could he think we could ever hurt him now?_

“We’re running out of time!” Finn screamed from the back seat. The desperation in their voice lanced through Isaac’s chest. “G-Gavin… _come on, Gavin,_ just fucking get us there!”

Gavin glanced into the back seat, his gaze sliding past Isaac and landing on Finn.

 _“Gavin,”_ Finn pleaded. “Just get us there. Please.”

Gavin swallowed and looked out the window again. He leaned against the glass. “Fifth and… and Shields, that’s…” He slumped back against the chair, silent for a moment. Then his head snapped up. “Oh! Right. I know where we are, and…” He licked his lips. “The house is maybe… twenty minutes away? Oh. Maybe thirty, with traffic?” Gavin twisted in his seat to look at Finn again, a wild desperation in his eyes. “Do they have that long?”

Finn choked down a sob. “I… I mean, maybe, but… I need… _supplies,_ I need something to _fix this_ … If I can’t get a proper tourniquet on, they’ll… they’re going to _bleed out_ …”

 _“Sam,”_ Isaac whimpered. He stretched more over the seat to brush their sweaty hair away from their face as they twisted weakly against the seat. Sam stared blankly at the ceiling, their eyes dull with shock. Their lips trembled. Their entire right side was drenched in blood. It seeped under Sam’s collar. It was starting to dry on their skin. “Sam, _please…_ ” _Sam, no,_ please, _don’t leave us, don’t die because I couldn’t do what I was… was_ born _to do._ _Sam please don’t leave,_ please, _I’d never, never forgive myself… Sam…_

His heart twisted for Gavin. But with Sam… With Sam, it was like breathing. Easy. Natural. _Protect Sam. Save Sam. Die for Sam._

“Tori,” Finn said desperately. Tori’s head turned mechanically in Finn’s direction, her eyes remaining empty. “Tori,” Finn tried again. “What does your friend d-do? What does she, what does she do?”

“Sh-she’s an accountant for the guy who owns a grocery store,” Tori said weakly.

 _“No,”_ Finn sobbed. “Would sh-she have a, a first aid kit, or a sewing kit, or… _something_ …?”

“I don’t know,” Tori said flatly.

Finn slammed their fist against the seat. Sam flinched and moaned softly. Isaac half-dragged himself over the seat and cradled their face in his hand.

 _“Sam,”_ he whispered. “Sam, I need you to… to _hold on,_ please…” A brief flicker of _fight_ lit up in Sam’s eyes. It was gone a moment later, doused, snuffed out by Isaac’s terror and Sam’s blood as it slowly soaked into the seat beneath them.

Finn whined and pressed their face into their forearm. “What does—” Their voice broke. “What does her husband do?”

Tori’s gaze was unfocused, her voice dead. “He’s a vet tech.”

Finn’s eyes went wide and they grabbed Tori’s arm, smearing blood on her shirt. Tori pulled weakly away. “He’s a _what?_ ” Finn breathed.

“A, a vet tech. He t-takes animals and—”

“Does he work from home? Does he have supplies at home?”

“I don’t kn—”

 _“Vera!”_ Finn said, practically shouting, “We need to _get there!_ If he… if he has… _any_ supplies… that might be…”

 _“Gavin,”_ Vera snapped. Gavin flinched. _“Tell me how to get there.”_

Gavin whimpered. “I-I…”

Vera’s hand shot out and hooked around the back of Gavin’s neck. She dragged him across the center console, glancing away from the road for a moment to look Gavin in the eyes. “I know you love them,” she murmured, her voice shaking. “I know you never wanted this. Help me now, or they die needlessly. _Please._ ” She sobbed the last word.

Gavin shivered in Vera’s grip, then slumped back against the chair as she released him. He seemed to clutch at what Vera was offering. Seemed to burn with a glimpse of redemption: Sam’s life in exchange for Gavin’s sins.

 _He’s redeemed himself a thousand times over. He took torture for us. He took torture for_ me. _Gavin Uriah took torture for_ me, _and then again, and again, and again, and again. He cut out his heart every time he hurt me, I know it. He used my body to keep us alive. And… I would have given myself willingly._ Isaac couldn’t find the moment when it happened, when he handed himself over to Gavin the same way he shared of himself with everyone else in the family, the same and yet so, so different. He couldn’t think of anything Gavin had done to make Isaac open to him. He couldn’t think of the order of events. He knew that he just found himself open. He just knew if he looked back, he couldn’t have imagined it ending anywhere else but here.

Gavin licked his lips and stared at Vera like she was offering him a rope from the top of a bottomless well. “I can help them,” Gavin whispered.

“You _can,_ ” Vera urged. _“You can help fix this.”_

Gavin looked back towards Finn. He glanced down and for a moment, met Isaac’s gaze. Gavin’s eyes filled with tears.

 _“I can help them.”_ Gavin turned around to face forward and looked up at the street signs again. “Okay,” he said softly. “Take a left at Forsythe.”

Isaac’s chest ached with the breath that rushed out of him. His hand brushed against Sam’s arm, and he felt a pull that threatened to tear him to pieces towards _Gavin,_ too. Gavin would save Sam. Gavin saved all of them.

 _I would have died for you, Gavin. I would have taken the bullet. I would have let them kill me if it meant you were safe. You’re my family, now. You’re part of my family. If the world hadn’t broken us both, I could’ve been happy with you. If we get out of this alive, please just let me stay by your side. I don’t need anything else from you._ Isaac stared at Gavin where he sat in the front seat, shaking, crying, but giving Vera directions to Sam’s salvation.

 _You’ll never be mine,_ Isaac thought with a painful stab. _But we can help you find yourself again. We can help you be Gavin Uriah again. We’ll find Gray. We’ll make it north._

Sam gasped and screamed weakly as Finn leaned on their wound. “W-won’t stop bleeding,” Finn murmured.

Isaac’s head fell back and his eyes slid shut. Tears streamed from his closed eyes into his hair. _Please, please let them survive. Please let me make it up to them. Please let them live so I can say I’m sorry, I should never have let this happen, it’s my fault my fault_ my fault _._ Isaac looked around the car at his family, at _Gavin,_ at the people he loved and would have died for if he’d just been given the chance.

_We’ll make it north, and then I’ll protect them. This will never happen again._

Vera made another turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sharing this story with me. The gang will return in Honor Bound 3.


	78. No Anesthetic

Vera tore around a corner and flew into Tori’s friend’s driveway. _Lucy and Topher,_ Tori’d said. Those were the only words Vera had gotten out of her as she sped to their house. The tires crunched on the gravel as she sped up, only slamming on the brakes as she reached the house. She threw the car into park and dashed for the front door.

She pounded on the door. They had to be up, they _had_ to be awake. It was only 8am, but they _had_ to be home. Vera had no idea what day it was. Her stomach lurched with terror as another moment ticked by. Then the handle rattled, and the door opened. Vera sobbed with relief.

A woman stood at the door, her brown hair in a mess around her face. Vera didn’t recognize her, but she knew Tori would. The woman’s eyes went wide as they darted over Vera’s body: the worn, bloody clothes, the blood spattered on her face, the bruises on her wrists… the collar around her neck. Lucy trembled. Her mouth fell open in a gasp.

“Wh… who are—”

“Tori’s friend,” Vera said in a rush. “Tori’s family. We were going to stay with you… um… I don’t know how long, maybe… a few weeks ago? I—”

Lucy’s eyes went wider. “Y-you… are you… _Vera?_ ”

“Yes,” Vera huffed. “One of ours, they… they’re injured. I know Topher’s a vet tech and he might have supplies, I… _please_ …”

Lucy swallowed hard. “B-but… the St-Stormbecks, they—”

“Colleen Stormbeck is dead,” Vera said with a dark smile. “The Stormbecks are dead. She’s not coming after us.” Her smile faltered. “Please. It’s… it’s our youngest. They’ve been sh-shot, _please_ …”

Lucy stared at Vera for another moment, then shook herself. _“Topher!”_ she yelled behind her. “Topher, meet me in the garage! Someone’s hurt!” Lucy turned back to face Vera. “Garage, around the front. I’ll meet you. He’s got some things, but—”

“That’ll be good. Thank you,” Vera said, holding back her tears. _Sam might not die today._

She turned back to the car and motioned with her hand. The doors opened and Isaac staggered out, the rest close behind.

Vera turned at the sound of the garage door opening. She rushed inside as Lucy turned on the light. It seemed so much brighter than it needed to be. Lucy went to a table littered with scraps of paper, string, photographs, paint. “I scrapbook in my free time,” Lucy said with a flush. “We can put them here.” She swept the papers away from the table and cleared a space around it.

Ellis came in, holding Sam under the arms. Gavin supported Sam’s legs. Finn walked behind them, their hand clamped tight over the wound in Sam’s arm.

There was a gasp behind Vera. “Lucy… what… what the _hell?_ ” A man stumbled into the garage, looking equally tousled as Lucy. He stared at Sam. Vera swallowed. Their clothes were _soaked_ with blood.

Ellis and Gavin laid Sam on the cleared table. They sobbed weakly as Finn repositioned and pressed down hard on the wound. Gavin let go of Sam and dashed for the open garage door. He collapsed on the grass outside, retching.

The man closed his gaping mouth. “Lucy, what—”

“Tori’s friends,” Lucy said quickly. “You remember, the ones that never showed last month? This is—”

“What _happened?_ ” Topher breathed. He couldn’t seem to take it all in.

_“Please,”_ Finn begged, their eyes wild, their face haggard. They were stained to the elbows with Sam’s blood. “Please, I don’t have the equipment. I don’t h-have the… I can’t _do_ anything.”

“But—”

“I’m a medic,” Finn said desperately. “I can try to go in and see what’s bleeding. I c-can… I can try to _fix it,_ I just need help, and, and supplies. Do you…” They heaved a sob. “Do you have anything here?”

Like a switch had been flipped, Topher lunged forward. He reached for a cabinet and pulled down several bags. “Lucy,” he said, tension adding an edge under his new calm, “Clear off the other table. Get the alcohol from the kitchen. Wet down the table with it. And… and close the garage door.”

“Wait,” Ellis said. “Let me get Tori. She’s still… um…” Vera met Ellis’s eyes. Gratitude stabbed through her, sharp as a knife.

“I need a tourniquet,” Finn said, trembling. “The one I have is shit. It’s not doing anything.”

“I’ll get the go bag,” Lucy said as she dashed into the house.

Vera looked at Topher. “Go bag?”

Topher snorted as he pawed through his bags of equipment on the counter. “We were planning on harboring you for a night. You really think we weren’t prepared to run, too?”

_They knew the risk, and they still were willing to do this._ “Thank you,” Vera said heavily.

Topher waved a hand at Vera. “Thank me once they’re fixed up.”

“I need a t-tourniquet, and then… I’ll need fluids. They’re… they’re shocky. Do you have fluids? Do you—”

“I should have most of what you need,” Topher said evenly. “The vet is fucking expensive. When people can’t afford it they bring their animals here. I do what I can.”

“You have sutures, dissolvable and non? Do you have a scalpel? Superglue? IV tubing?”

“Yes.”

“IV catheters? What about, um…”

“I should have all of that, yeah.”

Topher turned and for the first time, got a good look at Sam. Their skin had an almost-gray pallor, and was slick with sweat. Their eyes were glazed over, unseeing, and they trembled, their chest heaving with heavy gasps.

“Oh, _fuck,_ ” Topher whispered.

“I know it looks bad,” Finn whimpered. “But… please, _please,_ I have to try—”

“I don’t think fluids will be enough,” Topher said softly.

Finn’s head fell forward and they sobbed. _“No…”_

Lucy returned with a duffle bag and a large bottle of isopropyl alcohol. She went to the other table and cleared it, this time of a collection of rocks and gems. She dumped the bottle over the table. Ellis came back into the garage, supporting Tori. Tori didn’t even look around. Isaac followed dizzily behind them. Gavin hovered at the edge of the garage door, his eyes fixed on Sam.

“What’s his issue?” Topher said as he dug for his nitrile gloves. He shot a pointed glance at Gavin.

“Blood aversion,” Vera said, biting the words off as she stared at Sam.

“The sight? The smell?”

“Smell.”

Topher’s hands went to another pocket in his bag and pulled out a hospital mask. He pulled out a small vial of something and let one drop of it fall into the mask. The smell of peppermint washed over Vera.

Topher thrust the mask at Vera. “Give that to him. Have him wear it over his face. It’s a trick we use sometimes for blocking out bad smells.”

Vera nodded and went to Gavin’s side. She didn’t ask, she just placed the mask over his nose and mouth and looped it behind his ears. She pushed him into the garage and hit the button to close the garage door.

Topher shoved a pair of gloves at Lucy, and a pad of sterile gauze. “Wipe the table down with that. It won’t be totally sterile, but it’s the best we’ve got.” He pulled a tourniquet from the go bag and handed it to Vera. “Give that to your medic. What’s their—”

“Finn,” Vera said as she took the tourniquet. She went to Finn’s side and passed it to them.

“I need you to put your hand where mine is,” Finn said through their teeth. “Press down hard. Do _not_ let go. If they’ve formed a clot I don’t want to—”

“Yeah.” Vera put her hand next to Finn’s.

“Okay. Gently.” Finn rolled their hand away as Vera’s slid in to replace it. Finn took a slow breath in. “I know we’re not supposed to replace tourniquets, but…” Finn licked their lips and slowly loosened the belt.

Sam moaned softly, their eyes focusing on Finn for a moment. _“P-please,”_ they rasped. Isaac tripped forward and stood at the foot of the table, tears pouring down his face, eyes fixed on Sam.

“I got you, Sam,” Finn said as they pulled the belt away. They pulled the tourniquet tight on Sam’s arm.

“P-please, don’t let me die,” Sam whimpered. “I’m s-scared, I d-don’t wanna die…”

Vera looked at the ceiling as tears sprung to her eyes. _Please. Please don’t let them die._

“I kn-know you’re scared,” Finn said weakly as they secured the tourniquet. They began to wind the windlass tighter.

Sam groaned, then screamed, straining weakly against Vera’s hands. She bit her lip and turned her head to keep her tears from falling into Sam’s wound. As Finn twisted, Sam’s screams got louder.

Finn’s hands finally stilled. “T-take your hand away,” they said, their voice barely rising above Sam’s screams. Vera took in a deep breath. Pulled away.

The wound didn’t bleed.

Finn let out a breath. Their hands shook.

“Wash up, all of you,” Topher ordered. He pointed to a sink in the corner of the garage. Finn staggered from Sam’s side and began to wash off their blood.

“Have you ever done this before?” Vera asked, her voice quavering.

“Performed surgery?” Topher bit his lip. “No. Done a few stitches, but nothing like… like this.” He stared at Sam, overwhelm dragging at his shoulders. Finn returned with dripping hands.

“Do you have any sterile gloves?” Finn said softly.

“Two pairs.”

Finn looked at the bag of supplies, then at Sam. They drew in a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s start with fluids.”

“F-Finn, I…” Topher licked his lips. “I don’t think—”

“Then _what else am I supposed to do?_ ” Finn said desperately. “Am I, am I supposed to g-give up? Am I supposed to—”

“No,” Topher said, his voice getting higher with panic. “I mean… have you done a direct blood transfusion before?”

Finn’s eyes went wide. “No…” Their gaze flicked to Tori. “S-Sam’s A-positive. And To-Tori…”

“We’re not using Tori,” Vera snapped. “At least not yet. Not while we still have me.” She pulled her sleeve up. “We start with me.”

“Wait…” Gavin’s voice was muffled by the mask around his face. “S-Sam is… they’re… they’re A-positive?”

“And I’m a universal donor.” Vera looked from Finn to Topher. “We start with me.”

Gavin collided with Vera, practically shoving her out of the way. “I’m A-positive,” he whimpered. “I’m A-positive. Please… l-let me, let me just, _please,_ take my blood. Take mine. I w-want to…” He heaved a sob as he looked at Sam where they lay quivering on the table. “P-please. I want to—”

“Okay,” Finn said. They turned to Topher. “Do you have… um… the equipment for that?”

Topher swallowed. “N-no, but… I can probably…”

“Do it,” Finn said brusquely. They turned to the bags of supplies. “Do you mind if I—”

“Go for it,” Topher said, and pulled out a line of IV tubing and two IV catheters. “Check them for veins, will you? I’m assuming blood-aversion-guy will take a 16…”

Finn nodded. “Yeah. His name is—”

“Uriah,” Vera interrupted. “His name is Uriah.” Gavin stared at Vera with a fire behind his eyes, burning him from the inside out.

“Okay.” Topher tossed a rubber tourniquet across the room. Finn caught it and immediately tied it around Sam’s uninjured arm. They left Sam’s veins to fill with blood and turned back to the bag of supplies once again. Finn pawed through it and pulled out suture kits, a scalpel, pads upon pads of gauze, a bottle of sterile water.

“V-Vera, can you help me?” Finn said without glancing up.

Vera jerked forward. “What do you need?”

Finn dried their hands on a towel and pulled a pair of nitrile gloves on. “I need you to pour alcohol over my gloves so I can get this stuff to the table.” Finn wiped sweat from their face with their forearm.

“Yeah. Sure. Absolutely.” Vera grabbed the bottle of alcohol in a shaking hand.

Finn held their gloved hands out over the garage floor. “Okay. Slowly, enough that they get totally wet, but don’t waste it.”

Vera’s hands shook harder. She carefully poured the alcohol over Finn’s gloves.

Finn rubbed their hands together. “Good. Good. Now some of that can be handled from the outside, but some of it I’ll have to have you hand me. Okay?”

Vera swallowed hard. “Okay,” she said softly.

Finn gestured with their chin. “Start with the package that says ‘multi trauma dressing’. Carefully open the package, don’t reach inside. Then I’ll pull it out.”

“Okay.” Vera carefully picked up the package and tore it open as gently as she could. Finn drew the gauze out and laid it carefully on the table.

“Okay. Now the suture kits. They’ll get my gloves dirty, but I can open them directly onto the table.” Finn crossed to the counter, to their little pile of supplies. One by one, they took the kits and tore them open over the table. They fell delicately onto the gauze.

“Okay,” Finn said with a deep breath. “Now the scalpel. Let’s get my hands clean again, then open it just like you did the dressing, and let me take it out. Not the blade side.”

“Okay.” Vera poured alcohol over Finn’s hands and tore open the package. Finn slid the scalpel from the package and set it on the table next to the rest of the supplies.

“And the superglue. Just put it in my hands and pour alcohol over them.” Finn held out their gloved hands.

“Wait,” Topher said, still looking down at whatever he was going. “I need the superglue.”

Vera and Finn looked over at the same time. Topher held up one end of some IV tubing, a bare IV needle slid into an end that had been cut off.

Finn blinked. “What—”

“I cut off both ends,” Topher said in rush, “And fit the catheter in. I need to superglue the seam and then I’ll tape it. But I need the glue. What size will, um, they take?” Topher gestured to Sam with his chin.

“Give the glue to Topher,” Finn said quickly, and rushed to Sam’s side. They felt for veins in the crook of Sam’s elbow, at their forearm, at their wrist. In their hand.

_“Fuck,”_ Finn breathed. “They’re so flat… we might be able to get a 22 in their hand…?”

“Did you check the EJ?” Topher said as he slathered superglue around the tubing and the needle.

Finn gulped. “Uh. No.”

Topher nodded. “We do them in animals all the time.”

Finn stared at the collar still around Sam’s neck, at the thick leather band that encircled their throat like they were a _dog._ A _pet._ Finn shuddered. Their hand closed around the leather. “Do you h-have anything that… w-will…?”

Topher glanced up and saw Finn touching the collar. He bit his lip and a flicker of revulsion crossed his face. “Uh, yeah.” He glanced around. Um… the wire cutters?” He gestured to the wall with his chin. “The big ones? Or the bolt cutters…”

“Vera,” Finn started. She was already across the room. Her hand closed around a large pair of wire cutters. Her fingers tightened into a fist around it and she returned to Sam’s side.

“I need to get this collar off you, Sam,” she said softly, her hand going to brush their hair away from their face. “Okay? Gonna get the collar off.” Sam nodded weakly, their eyes nearly closed. Vera closed the collar between the blades of the wire cutter and began to cut.

A sickening sort of triumph punched through her as the leather split under the tool in her hand. She cut slowly through it, bit by bit, feeling a little bit of herself come back even though her own collar stayed in place. She gave one more cut with the wire cutters, and the collar came away from Sam’s neck. It fell and clattered dully to the table. Vera swallowed bile and tears as she picked it up and hurled it across the garage. It bounced off the door and fell to the floor. Shredded. Ruined. Vera’s heart pounded in her chest.

Beneath the collar, Sam’s neck was rubbed raw from all the times they’d been pulled upright by the collar, held down, dragged into place. Rage boiled in Vera’s stomach. She couldn’t look away from the marks on Sam’s neck.

Finn gently pushed her out of the way, and she snapped back into herself. Finn gently turned Sam’s head to the side.

Like a low tide, she felt the pull back out of her body. _Sam isn’t collared anymore._ She shook her head. The air had a sort of fuzzy quality to it. Unreality floated through her limbs.

_No. I can’t leave. Not when they need me._ Vera cast a glance at Tori, standing along the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. She would have looked _bored,_ if there hadn’t been that horrible _brokenness_ in her face. Ellis stood beside her, one hand moving in mechanical circles over Tori’s back. Isaac hovered at the foot of the table, tears pouring down his cheeks, over his lips. Gavin stood beside him, but an arm’s-length away. Like he was being drawn to Isaac’s side like a magnet, and only just holding himself back. Vera pursed her lips. _I need to find out what’s going on between those two._

“They’ll definitely take a 16 in the EJ,” Finn said in Topher’s direction, their fingers pressing gently into Sam’s neck. Topher nodded and reached for another needle, finished with gluing and taping the first end.

Vera moved down the table to Sam’s side and took their hand. “They’re gonna fix you up, Sam,” Vera said quietly.

Sam’s eyes found Vera’s. “V-Vera,” they whispered. “I’m s— I’m _scared,_ th-they’re gonna, Vera, _please_ …” They trailed off into a whimper.

“I’m right here, Sam,” Vera said. She bent and pressed a kiss to their forehead. She shuddered at how cool and sweaty their skin felt. “They’re gonna help you.”

“It _hurts,_ ” Sam sobbed.

Finn’s head snapped up, horrified. “Oh, _fuck,_ ” they groaned. “Topher, do you, do you have anything for pain management?”

Topher’s hands froze as he wound the tape around the IV tubing. “Oh. Shit. Um… god, I didn’t even… I…” He ran a hand through his hair. “We have some at the vet, but not… not _here_ …”

Finn slumped. “How far away is the vet?”

Topher leapt to his feet. “A block away. I can run there. Or drive. I don’t know. I’ll get there. I’ll…” He dashed into the house. _“I’ll be right back!”_ Vera heard him yell from inside.

Finn turned back to Sam. “We’re gonna get you some blood, okay? But you’ve got to… you’ve got to keep your head still, alright Sam? It’ll be a full needle, not like a regular IV. You’ll h-have t-to…” Finn took a moment to steady their breath.

Sam trembled. “Wh-who…?”

“Me, Sam,” Gavin said at Vera’s shoulder. Vera jumped and let go of Sam’s hand. She hadn’t heard Gavin approach. “I’ll, um, give you my blood.” He reached for Sam’s hand and squeezed.

“G-Gavin…” Sam croaked, and licked their lips.

Vera shot a glance at Lucy where she stood in the doorway of the garage. Lucy’s hands were at her sides, squeezed into fists, staring with utter terror directly at Gavin. “Wh- _what?_ ”


	79. Chapter 79

Finn’s stomach lurched as they looked up at Lucy’s gasp. Her mouth fell open, then closed again, shaking until Finn thought she might collapse.

“Lucy…” Vera said softly, and took a step in front of Gavin. “Let me explain.”

“Is… is he… _Gavin Stormbeck?_ ” Lucy hissed.

_“No,”_ Vera said through clenched teeth. “Not anymore. He’s _ours_ now. You heard the rumors that Gavin Stormbeck was dead, right?”

Lucy nodded slowly. “Y-yes,” she said softly. “We h-heard that h-he was, was dead, and he c-came back last month.” Lucy fell a half-step back, into the house. Finn glanced between Vera and Lucy. Their hands were frozen in the air over Sam.

“Well…” Vera stepped fully in front of Gavin, her hands at her sides. “…he’s ours now. He’s different. We fucked him up and we b-broke his, um…” She licked her lips. “…c-conditioning, I guess. He can’t hurt people now. He’s… he’s _ours._ ”

Lucy stared wide-eyed at Gavin. “He… won’t…?”

_“No.”_

Lucy’s eyes filled with tears and she heaved a broken sob. “If he… if y-you brought him, him here, and he—”

“He _won’t._ I bet my life on it.”

Lucy swallowed hard. “Y-yeah. You do.”

Everyone stood in a tense, frozen silence. Sam whimpered again.

Gavin jerked forward like he’d been dealt a blow. “S-Sam,” he whispered. “Sam, I, um, I’m giving you my blood, okay?” Gavin looked up at Finn with desperate eyes. “Right?” he said softly, with tears in his eyes. “Right now?” The mask on Gavin’s face pulled in and out with each breath.

Finn shook themselves. “Yeah,” they said, their breath catching in their throat. “Come, come here.” They went to the counter where Topher had been working and picked up the IV tubing, careful not to let the needles on either end touch anything.

“Um, Gavin?” Finn looked around the garage. “Um…” They looked to Lucy. “Is there, maybe, a stool? A tall chair? Something to get him up higher than Sam.”

“We have some tall chairs in the kitchen,” Lucy said breathlessly. “Let me—” She was gone before she finished her sentence.

Finn didn’t look up as they pulled Gavin closer, inspecting the veins in his arm. “Vera,” they said tightly, “Get the bottle of alcohol and some gauze pads. And that IV tourniquet I put somewhere…”

“Here,” Gavin said, holding it in his hand. It was shaking.

“Trade you,” Finn said as they passed the tubing to Gavin. “Don’t let the needles touch anything. It needs to be as sterile as possible.” Vera returned to their side with the alcohol and gauze as Finn tied the IV tourniquet around Gavin’s arm. The veins popped to the surface almost immediately. Lucy stumbled into the garage, carrying a large bar stool with a back.

“Bring it here,” Finn ordered, not bothering to soften their tone. _Sam is dying, Sam is dying, Sam is dying, Sam is dying, Sam is dying._ Lucy placed the chair at the side of the table, next to Sam’s uninjured arm.

Finn pushed Gavin roughly into it. “Sit,” they said gruffly. Gavin sank into the chair. Sweat beaded on his forehead.

Finn glanced up, then took the alcohol and gauze. “You scared of needles?” they said as they wiped the crook of Gavin’s elbow clean.

Gavin shook his head, his eyes fixed on Sam. “N-no,” he mumbled. “Just the… the, um… the blood.”

“I need you to keep your shit together, Gavin,” Finn snapped. “At least until I’ve gotten some blood from you.”

Gavin nodded desperately, the tubing still held tight in his hand. “Yeah. Yeah. For Sam.”

“Okay.” Finn glanced up at Vera. “Vera, can you help me?” She jumped forward, her hands outstretched. “Okay. Turn Sam’s head to the side. Towards Gavin, so they don’t have to look at what I’m doing.” Vera gently turned Sam’s head, her fingers running gently through their damp curls. They whimpered.

“Okay…” Finn murmured. “Okay.” They looked Gavin full in the face. “Okay. This is just gonna be a straight-up needle,” Finn said carefully. “Not like in the hospital. No plastic catheter. So you’re going to have to keep your arm straight, or you’ll push the needle right through. I can tie your arm to a board, if that helps.”

Gavin shrugged. His eyes never left Sam. “Whatever. Either. Um. For Sam.”

Finn pressed their lips together. “Okay. I’m going to put the needle in you, and it’s going to bleed into the tubing. I really, really need you to not pass out.” Gavin nodded. “Okay.”

Finn took one end of the tubing from Gavin. They slid the needle deftly into Gavin’s skin. Gavin hissed and closed his eyes as blood began to run into the tubing.

Finn pinched the other end closed right as blood began to dribble out the other end. _“Shit,”_ they whispered, looking around for the tape. “Vera, can you… Gavin, hold that needle in place. Open your eyes. There you go, now hold that.” Gavin pressed his hand against the needle, trembling. Finn reached for the counter for a small roll of tape. With the other end of the tubing pinched between their fingers, they quickly taped the needle down to Gavin’s skin.

“Okay.” Finn let out a breath. “Vera, now I need you to hold Sam. Gently, just… just so they…” Finn swallowed hard. Sam was so _pale._ Finn wiped the side of their neck clean with the alcohol.

Vera moved so Finn could have access to Sam’s neck. She crouched down so she was at eye level with Sam.

“Sam, honey,” Vera said softly, tremulously. Their eyes opened hazily. Finn adjusted the needle in their hand.

“I’m scared,” Sam whimpered. “It, it _hurts_ …” They shook with weak sobs.

“I know,” Vera said, as tears rolled down her cheeks. “But Topher went to get you something for the pain. Alright? It’s only going to hurt a little while longer. They’ll get you fixed up.”

“Are they g-going to…” Sam whimpered as Finn pulled the skin at the base of their neck tight.

The vein there stood out slightly from their skin. Nowhere _near_ as much as it should have. Finn swallowed hard. They slid the needle into Sam’s neck and felt the slightest _pop_ as they entered the vein. They bit their lip as they let go of the tubing, letting the blood flow into Sam. _If I missed the vein, I’ll know when their neck swells._ Finn shivered. _Please, please let me not have missed the vein._ Finn’s hand shook as they taped the needle down to Sam’s neck. They crouched over Sam, too, their hair brushing Vera’s.

“Sam,” Finn said softly. “Gavin’s giving you some blood, okay? And wh-when Topher gets back, I’ll fix you up. He’ll have something for the pain.”

“Are you going to…?” Sam’s face twisted and they wailed weakly. “Are you going to, to, to cut me open?” they sobbed. “Finn no, Finn _please,_ no, I’m scared, please d- _don’t_ …”

“I have to, Sam,” Finn said, their voice shaking. “I h- _have_ to. You’ll bleed to death if I don’t. Or you’ll… if I don’t get that tourniquet off you soon, you’ll lose that arm. We _have_ to do this.”

“H-have you… done this before?” Sam said, pleading. Finn wanted to believe their skin was getting pinker.

“No, Sam,” Finn said. A shudder rolled over their shoulders. _No, I’ve never done this before. Whenever it’s something with my family, it’s something I haven’t done before. I never know for sure if I can save you. Never._

Tears poured from Sam’s eyes, streaming back into their hair. _“No,”_ they moaned. “I’m _scared,_ I’m… _Isaac…_ ”

Isaac lunged forward along the table. His hands flew towards Sam. He trembled and his hand landed on Sam’s leg. “I’m here, Sam,” Isaac croaked. His chest still heaved with each breath.

“Isaac,” Finn said softly. “Why are you still wearing the vest?”

Isaac jumped and looked down as if his body had suddenly turned invisible. “Um…” He fumbled at the straps. “I don’t know.”

“Let me take a look,” Finn said weakly, and beckoned Isaac over. “We only have a… a minute…” Finn glanced at Lucy. “Right? Til Topher gets back?”

“Any second,” Lucy said weakly. “It’s not that far away. Any second.”

“Okay,” Finn murmured. Isaac pulled the vest off over his head, whining softly as his he let his arms fall again and dropped it to the floor. Finn bit their lip and pulled the front of Isaac’s shirt up over his chest. It was soaked with Isaac’s sweat. They took in a sharp breath at the ugly bruise that spread across Isaac’s chest, almost dead center in the middle of his sternum. Finn pressed gently on the ribs around it, and over Isaac’s sternum. Isaac winced and groaned softly as Finn felt for breaks. They didn’t feel any shifting, any crunching. They glanced away for a moment and saw Gavin staring at Isaac’s chest with horror and crushing guilt. _It’s not just the bruise,_ Finn realized with a start. _Gavin’s never seen Isaac’s scars._ They let Isaac’s shirt fall. Isaac’s face flushed with something that looked like _shame._ Finn opened their mouth to ask—

Topher jogged into the garage with a bag slung over his shoulder. His face was red and sweaty. He panted as he went straight for the counter and dumped the bag over it.

“What did you get?” Finn rasped. There was more than just painkillers on the counter.

“More suture kits, extra gauze sponges, forceps, more alcohol, antibiotics, extra gloves, more sterile gloves—”

“What did you get for pain?” Finn said desperately.

Topher held up a small vial. “Ketamine. I figured narcotics wouldn’t cut the—”

Finn sobbed and collapsed forward, nearly falling onto Sam. “Ketamine’s perfect,” they whimpered. “Ketamine’s…”

“Ketamine’s good stuff,” Gavin said faintly. Finn looked at them in confusion. He met their eyes slowly. _“Shot in the chest,”_ he whispered, his eyes fixed on the floor. Finn swallowed and turned back to Sam.

“I don’t know how you dose animals,” Finn said. “I’ve heard point three to point five milligrams per kilogram for IV pain management, sometimes more, with—”

“Let’s just stick with human dosages,” Topher said uneasily. “That sounds fine.”

Finn looked Sam over. They _definitely_ looked pinker than they had five minutes ago, though not by much. They cast a glance at Gavin. He looked pale behind the mask. Finn couldn’t tell if it was the blood loss, or seeing the blood soaked into everything Sam was wearing, dripping off the side of the table. Finn chewed their lip.

“Um…” Finn looked at Topher. “Do you know how to take a blood pressure on a human?”

“Yeah,” Topher said weakly. They pushed the vial into Finn’s hand and disappeared from Sam’s side to rustle through the cabinets.

Finn went to the counter with the medical supplies and selected the syringe and needle they needed. _Okay. Okay. Calm. You can do this. Let’s go middle of the road with the dosaging to start, since they’re got to stay still for fucking_ surgery, _but I don’t want to have to manage an airway_. _Point five milligrams per kilogram. Sam is about sixty kilos, so 30 milligrams… in a concentration of 100 milligrams per milliliter… which is… fuck,_ fuck, _no, it’s okay, calm down, that’s just point three milliliters._ Finn pulled up the amount they needed and stepped back towards Sam. Topher was just letting the air out of the blood pressure cuff. He turned to Finn.

“I got one-oh-two over sixty-two. I’m pretty certain of it.”

“Let me just make sure,” Finn said quickly. They took the stethoscope from Topher and pumped up the blood pressure cuff again. They carefully watched the needle as they let the air out. Satisfied, they tossed the stethoscope onto the counter. “One-oh-four over sixty. Good ear.”

Topher nodded. “Okay. Good.”

Finn glanced up at Gavin. He no longer looked pale. He looked _green._ They leapt forward and pinched the IV tubing shut.

_“Fuck,”_ Finn spat. “Shit. I’m sorry, Gavin. I… I took too much.”

“It’s just the blood,” Gavin said weakly. “I can smell it. Through the, through the mask.”

The smell hit Finn like a freight train. They didn’t even noticed it until Gavin said it. Now it was the only thing they could smell.

“Still. You’ve given enough. You get a break.” Finn gently pulled the needle from Gavin’s arm and held their thumb over the skin where the needle had been.

Topher raised an eyebrow. “Are you content to share needles? Or…”

“No,” Finn said quickly. “Topher, can you… would you mind… would you cut off the end of that and start with a new needle? For Vera?”

“Of course.” Topher pulled on some gloves. He pinched the end of the tubing and took it from Finn, away from the others. He got to work replacing the needle.

Vera gently helped Gavin from the chair. He swayed and fell against Vera, sweat shimmering on his skin. Isaac lunged forward to help. He stopped and shrank back to Sam’s side, his gaze darting between them and Gavin.

Vera propped Gavin upright. “Okay, Finn,” Vera said weakly. “Me next.”

“We’re actually okay, for a few more minutes at least,” Finn said weakly. “Permissive hypotension. It means we can—”

Vera held up a hand. “Finn… I don’t care what it means. Just tell me what you need.” She adjusted her grip on Gavin as he stumbled, gagging slightly.

Finn’s eyes went wide. “Get him, _get him inside,_ ” they urged. “I can’t have him throw up in here. Get him inside. I’ll come get you when I need you.”

“Or you can use me,” Tori mumbled from her spot against the wall.

Finn and Vera both turned to look at Tori. Tori’s eyes were focused, teary. She stood away from Ellis, arms crossed over her chest, and _shivering._ Tori licked her lips and looked at Vera. “You can use my blood,” Tori said weakly.

“Babe, are you—”

Finn practically shoved Gavin towards the door into the house. He fell against Vera. Tears streamed down Gavin’s face. “P- _please,_ ” he whimpered.

Vera dragged Gavin towards the door. She threw a look back at Tori and pulled Gavin into the kitchen, out of sight.

Finn turned back to Sam. They trembled, their skin still pale and shining with sweat. But they looked… they didn’t look like they were nearly _dead_ now. Finn swallowed painfully.

“I think I’m just going to do an IM injection,” Finn said softly. “More consistent uptake.”

Topher nodded. “Sounds fair.”

Finn selected another needle. They prepped Sam’s uninjured upper arm with more alcohol and pinched the muscle in their hand. “Quick poke, Sam,” Finn said softly. They pushed in the needle and pressed down the plunger.

“W-will that…?” Tori spoke like she was remembering how.

“It’ll take a few minutes,” Finn said softly. “But it’ll help. It’ll help a _lot._ ”

“F-Finn,” Sam cried. Their body shuddered in misery. Finn’s eyes moved slowly over Sam, from the torn clothes they wore, to the bruises and torn skin around their wrists, to the places on their neck where the skin had rubbed raw, to the needle sticking unnaturally out of the skin to the side of their throat. Finn ached, knowing that beneath Sam’s shirt there were massive, angry bruises that stretched across their back and chest. Cracked ribs that must hurt every time Sam breathed. The whip marks on their back that must, even now, be soaking through the back of their shirt, smearing blood onto the table beneath them. For a moment Finn crumpled. They heaved a desperate sob and sunk to their knees beside the table.

_“Sam,”_ Finn gasped. “I’m s-so _sorry,_ I t-tried to fix it, I _tried,_ but… I… just _let them hurt you,_ I couldn’t make them stop, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ …” Finn felt hands on their shoulders, clumsily pulling them up. They staggered to their feet and wrapped their arms around the person helping them. Isaac cried out as Finn’s arms tightened around his chest. Finn immediately released Isaac.

Ellis came to Finn’s side and pulled them into a hug. Finn shuddered and wailed into their shoulder, tears cascading down their cheeks and onto Ellis’s shirt. Every part of them threatened to shake apart at the sight of _Sam,_ at the sound of their pain, broken and battered and _destroyed_ on the table in front of them. Everything from the past few weeks hit them at once. They couldn’t breathe.

“Finn?” Topher said hesitantly. Finn clutched Ellis harder. _“Finn.”_

Ellis gently pushed Finn away from them. Finn looked up. “What?” they whimpered.

Topher gestured to Sam. “It’s kicking in.”

Sam seemed to slowly go limp on the table. Their face relaxed, their eyes moving lazily beneath the lids. Their breaths no longer came in ragged gasps, but in slow, easy inhales and exhales. They went to turn their head.

Finn’s hand shot out and held Sam’s head in place. Sam moaned softly. “Finn?” they groaned, looking for Finn.

Finn scrubbed their face with their sleeve. “Yeah, Sam?” they croaked.

“I f-feel… better now,” Sam sighed. “Can we go home?”

“Not yet,” Finn said, a smile pulling at their lips despite themselves. “Not yet. Still gotta fix you up.”

“Wooow,” Sam slurred. “This is… um… this is…”

“I need you to stay still for me, Sam,” Finn said, lurching into action like they were suddenly remembering what they were doing. “Okay? Stay still for me.” They glanced at Topher. “Can you, um, help me?”

“Of course,” Topher said, his voice shaking. “Whatever you need.”

“Ellis, can you, can you take blood pressures ab-bout every five minutes?” Finn said, new energy making their words clumsy. Ellis nodded. “Okay. And… keep their head turned this way. Can that be your job? Can you… can you do that?”

“Yeah, babe,” Ellis said faintly. They grabbed the stethoscope off the counter.

Finn turned to Tori. “You’re sure you can give blood?”

“Yeah,” Tori said, her eyes filling with tears as she stared at Sam. “I can do that.”

“Topher, will you start that line on Tori? Isaac—” Finn stopped short when they saw Isaac’s face. He looked at Sam like he was seeing _hope,_ for the first time in weeks. _I’ll just let him be there for Sam. That’s his job._

“Okay.” Finn pulled off their gloves and went to the sink to wash their hands again. They wiped their hands on a pile of clean gauze. “Topher—” They looked over at him. The needle was already in Tori’s arm, held in place by Tori’s fingers as Topher taped down the line. “Perfect. Tori, go ahead and gently pinch that line so we don’t bleed you out. Let a little through, but not much. And… Topher?” Topher looked up at Finn like he might faint. “Let’s, um…” Finn swallowed the lump in their throat. “Let’s get started.”


	80. Suicide Attempt

Vera stumbled into the kitchen, supporting Gavin with his arm around her shoulders. He threw himself at the kitchen sink. He tore the mask off his face and vomited weakly until he only heaved dryly into the sink. He slumped to the floor against the cabinets and sobbed.

Vera went to Gavin and crouched in front of him. She put her hand gently on his head and stroked her fingers through his hair. “Shh,” she whispered. “You’re okay.”

Gavin coughed and buried his face in his hands. “S-Sam is, is, they m-might d- _die_ and it’s, it’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s _my fault_ …”

Vera’s fingers tightened in Gavin’s hair. _Sam might die._ Tears sprang to her eyes. “No,” she said softly. “None of this is your fault.” Gavin’s hands had been soaked in Sam’s blood, and now his blood ran in Sam’s veins. Gavin’s blood was going to save Sam’s life.

“I h-hurt them. I almost _killed_ them. I let them be passed around to the guards like a, like a, like a fucking _punching bag_ and n-now they… oh no, _no,_ p-please, please don’t let them die, _please_ …”

“Shhh, Gavin,” Vera crooned. “You got us out. We would never have made it out if you hadn’t been with us. We’re all alive because of you.”

Gavin whimpered and cowered forward on his knees. “You were supposed to kill me,” he whispered.

_He planned this whole thing thinking he would be dead at the end of it. He planned this whole thing and hoped he’d be sacrificed for it. He hoped he’d die for everything he’s done. He thought… he_ assumed _we’d kill him, after everything._ Vera squeezed her eyes shut and blew out a slow breath through her lips. “Gavin…”

Gavin’s head snapped up. Something moved behind his eyes, something that made the hair on the back of Vera’s neck stand up. Something that made him look… _empty._ Devoid of anything but an instinct she couldn’t place. She swallowed hard.

“You were supposed to kill me,” he whispered. “That was, that was how it was supposed to _work,_ if it didn’t work my mom would kill me, and if it, if it did, then… then _you_ would. I—”

“I’m not going to kill you, Gavin,” Vera said through her teeth, holding back her tears with all her might. “I’m not going to. Not gonna happen. You… you’re _ours_ now, Gavin. You’re one of us. You made sacrifices that I… that I can’t imagine making.” _You made sacrifices like Ryan did._ “Every time you hurt us, I know it killed you. Everything you did was for _us._ Everything you did. It was to make your mom trust you, so you could get us out. There wasn’t any other way. We couldn’t have done it without you, Gavin. We… we’d all be, be _dead,_ including Sam _._ So I’m not gonna kill you. I _won’t._ You’re my… my family.”

Gavin’s face changed, and suddenly Vera knew exactly what it looked like when a man is drowning, gasping for air, desperate beyond all thought for something to save them. She wet her lips and leaned away from Gavin.

Gavin lunged at her. His hands wrapped around her throat.

For a moment, Vera’s mind went blank with panic. _HE WAS LYING THE WHOLE TIME._ She moved on instinct. She knocked Gavin’s hands away from her throat and twisted his wrist until he was forced to his knees again. She twisted harder and shoved him onto this belly. She pinned his arm against his back and leaned. Gavin sobbed helplessly under her.

Vera’s mind was seized with a paralyzing horror. _HE PUT HIS HANDS ON MY NECK. HE TRIED TO CHOKE ME EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW WHAT THAT WOULD DO._

_“Please,”_ Gavin sobbed. “Please, just, just shoot me, or, or… or _something,_ please…”

Something inside her clicked into place. _I know exactly what he’s doing._

“G-Gavin,” she said tremulously, furious tears running down her face. “Gavin… _stop._ ”

“I wasn’t supposed to survive,” he moaned against the wood floor. “I w-wasn’t supposed to make it out with you. You were supposed to kill me. Or Ellis. Or… or _Isaac._ ”

_Isaac would rather die than hurt you._ The thought came unprompted to Vera’s mind.

Vera’s hand tightened on Gavin’s wrist. The look on Isaac’s face as he kissed Gavin flashed across her vision. The desperation, the _hope,_ the crush of Isaac’s lips on Gavin’s, the way Gavin’s hands jerked out to hold Isaac, like it was a reflex.

Vera gasped softly. _Oh, FUCK._

“Isaac was supposed to kill me,” Gavin sobbed against the floor. His tears rolled down his nose and onto the floor. _“He was supposed to kill me.”_

“Oh… g- _god,_ ” Vera whispered.

“After everything I did.” Gavin shuddered. “How can you…? I hurt you. For _weeks._ I… I did every single thing I knew would hurt you. I… _I_ did that. I c-can’t take that away. And I… I wasn’t supposed to live. I wasn’t supposed to _live._ Vera… _please, please_ will you do this for me?”

“Gavin,” Vera whimpered. _“Please stop.”_

“Look at what I did to Tori,” Gavin rasped, a desperate stab. Looking for the mortal wound that would end _Gavin’s_ life, not Vera’s. Holding the gun to his own head and begging her to pull the trigger. He tried to look over his shoulder with vicious hope on this face. “Look at what I did to her. I _broke_ her. She’ll never be the same again. _I did that._ Don’t… don’t I deserve to die for that? You killed my mom, but _I’m_ the one that did it.”

Vera twisted Gavin’s arm harder. Gavin cried out weakly. _“That’s enough,”_ she said through her teeth.

“What if I…?” Gavin swallowed. His lips trembled and he pressed them together. He pushed his forehead against the floor. “I was lying to you,” Gavin said, his voice horribly blank. “I liked it. All of it. I _wanted_ it. I j-just wanted an excuse to hurt you again. I… p-planned this with my, with my mom. I… I _knew_ she’d take you. Because I—”

“Gavin, _stop_ —”

“Because I wanted you just like she did, and I couldn’t have you all up north.”

“Gavin, you… you took _torture_ for us.”

“Not for very long. I w-wanted you all.”

Grief broke over Vera like a wave, shattering her, dashing her on the rocks. She flipped Gavin onto his back and leaned hard on his chest. His hands wrapped around her wrist and he tried to push her away. He was pale, still, and weak. _He was good_ , she wailed silently. _He was_ ours.

“Listen to me, _Gavin Uriah,_ ” Vera hissed through her teeth. “Fucking _listen._ You’re not like your mother. You’re not evil. You’re _good._ There’s _nothing_ you can say to make me believe you’re _anything_ like her. I… I _love you,_ Gavin. We _all_ do. I… I could never kill you. And… don’t put this on Isaac, either. He loves you, too.”

Something broke in Gavin’s face. Vera could almost see the shame tearing at his soul, as clearly as if it was something smeared on his skin. He shuddered and crumpled inwards.

“But I raped him,” he whispered.

Vera’s head fell forward. Her tears fell into Gavin’s shirt. “I know,” she whispered. “I know you did.”

“Th-they, they, they chained him to my bed and watched as I, as I _raped him._ He didn’t want it and I, I _made_ him… I _forced him._ ”

“I know,” Vera whimpered.

“And the, the last time…” Gavin wailed through his teeth. “The last time… Leo w-watched. And he, and he _held Isaac down_ as I… as I… _hurt him._ I know I wasn’t gentle. I h- _had_ to, but I… I _hurt him,_ and then just… _left him there,_ like he was nothing. Like he was a, a _plaything._ ”

Vera kept one hand on Gavin’s chest. She pressed the other to her mouth, trying to force down the sobs that tore at her throat. She couldn’t speak.

“And I… I _liked it,_ ” Gavin whispered. He lost control. His head fell back against the floor and he screamed his grief, his shame. Vera rocked forward with a sob, trapped in the tide of his agony. Being dragged down with it, to the place where she knew Gavin’s soul _ached_. Her fingers dug into Gavin’s chest.

“And I… I’m _just like my dad,_ ” Gavin whimpered. “I’m _just like him._ Because I, I hurt my… I hurt Isaac. I tortured him. I swore to him I never would but then I… I was so _weak._ And I… I couldn’t k-kill him. I couldn’t set him free like that, because I’m so _selfish._ I wanted him to stay with me. I couldn’t… couldn’t _do it._ I cut him and beat him and _drowned him,_ and then at night, I… I _raped him._ ” Gavin pressed his hands against his mouth, muffling his sobs. “No… _no…_ I… I’m just like m-my… I’m _just like him._ ”

_“No,”_ Vera growled through her teeth. Something hot and bitter punched through her chest, something that came with the memory of gentle hands and promises and blood. Something that came with pain and desperation. She shook her head as the sensations passed through her body like a physical touch. “You’re _not like Joseph Stormbeck._ You’re…” Vera’s stomach dropped. Something unlocked inside her mind, like it was giving something back after years of protecting it like a precious secret. _I remember his whole name._ “You’re like _Ryan Pearson._ ”

Gavin froze. His eyes widened. His mouth twisted bitterly for a moment, before he wet his lips and locked his jaw. He stared at Vera desperately, looking for something. Grasping at something. A drowning man, being tossed a rope.

“Ryan hurt me, too,” Vera murmured, returning Gavin’s stare. “He cut me. He tied me down. He beat me. He screamed at me. He…” Vera’s throat closed around a sob. “He fucked me. Held me down and fucked me even though I begged him not to. And he… he did that, to g-gain Joseph’s trust so he could get me out. He did it so maybe I could live.” She could barely form the words past her tears. “It turned out to be all for nothing, but… but he gave me something. He gave me the, the _hope_ that… maybe I’d get out. Even after he died, he kept me sane. So…” Vera drew her sleeve across her face. “So please… stop hating yourself. _Please._ This isn’t your fault. You’re not like your father. _You’re like Ryan Pearson._ I… I’m not going to kill you, just like I wouldn’t have killed Ryan if he got me out. And… Gavin, you have a chance to… to _live._ You… you’re Ryan’s story, if it ended the way it should.”

Gavin latched onto the words like they were the rope that would pull him out of the depths. “Could I…” He searched Vera’s face with his gaze. “Could I ever make up for this?”

“You already have, dumbass,” Vera said softly. “A thousand times over.”

Gavin folded and burst into tears. He pressed his hands to his face, muffling his messy sobs, sobs that shook his entire body. Vera pulled Gavin up to sitting and wrapped her arms tightly around him. She leaned back against the cabinets. She rocked him gently as he fell apart. He wound his arms around her waist and clutched her, shuddering.

_“I’m sorry,”_ he cried, the words almost a scream. He pressed his face against her collar. _“I’m sorry.”_

“I forgive you,” Vera said softly. That only made Gavin convulse harder against her.

_“I’m sorry,”_ he sobbed. He squeezed her harder. “I l— I _love you so much,_ ” he wailed against her neck. “I l- _love you._ I… I’m so sorry, I… I never wanted this. I swear to god, I never wanted this.”

“I know,” Vera said against his hair.

“I th-thought I, thought I was, was _gone,”_ he whimpered. “I thought she brought my… the old me back, and I was _gone._ I th-thought I wasn’t Gavin Uriah anymore.”

“I know.” Vera held Gavin tightly against her.

“I d-didn’t think…” Gavin sniffed. “I thought I was going to die a, a _Stormbeck,_ ” he whimpered. “I thought she was going to kill me after I, um, after I broke you all and…”

“She was,” Vera said softly. “But you didn’t become that. You never belonged to her.”

_“Never,”_ Gavin whispered. Vera pressed a kiss to Gavin’s forehead. “I… I could _never._ I love you all. I… I want to be with, with _you._ With the family. The whole time I was breaking I just wanted to be with _you._ ”

“We want you, too.” Vera’s eyes fell shut. She felt something broken inside her soften and mend, just slightly. The wound Ryan’s death had left healed, just a little. _This is how it should have ended,_ she thought as she cradled Gavin.

“I love you all,” Gavin murmured. “I l-love, I love you, and Sam, and Finn, and Ellis, and Gray, and Tori, and Edrissa, and… and _Isaac_ …” Gavin pulled in a sharp breath.

A chill passed through Vera. Not of… disgust, but of realizing something was true that she never would have imagined was _possible._ An inevitable path starting with Gavin torturing an anti-syndicate operative, and ending with Gavin saving Sam with his blood and—

She shivered.

“How…” Vera’s voice broke. “How long have you loved Isaac?”

Gavin stiffened. He didn’t even breathe. “Wh-what?”

“I’m not fucking blind, Gavin,” Vera said softly. Something pounded in her head like Sam’s heartbeat under everything else. _Sam is dying. But with Finn, they might not die. Because of Gavin’s blood, they might not die. I can’t help them in there. But I can do something here. I can help heal something here._ She pulled in a deep breath. “You’re about as subtle as a freight train. How long?”

“I… You’re not going to kill me for that?”

Vera’s heart broke at the shadow of hope that darkened Gavin’s words. She wiped her face on her sleeve. “Nope,” she said, and squeezed Gavin harder.

“I, um…” Gavin shuddered and held Vera tighter. “Since… um… since the… the men who tried to kill me.”

Vera swallowed hard. “Oh.”

Gavin trembled. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he whispered.

“Does… does Isaac know?”

Gavin whimpered and let Vera go. He pulled his arms into himself and wrapped them around his chest. “He hates me,” he breathed.

_Yeah, that’s why he kissed you when you made it out of the house. Christ, you two are such dumbasses._ “No, he doesn’t.”

“He _does._ ”

“Why would you think that?” Vera said, pushing herself back to lean against the cabinets.

Gavin slumped forward, sitting cross-legged just beside her. “Because I hurt him,” Gavin whispered.

“He understands.” Vera ducked into Gavin’s eyeline, seeking his gaze. “Believe me. He understands.”

“You don’t _know that,_ ” Gavin whimpered.

Vera dragged her hand through her hair. _It’s not my place. It’s not my fucking place._ She bit back her unease and heaved a sigh. “Have you told him how you feel?” _I can’t believe I’m having this fucking conversation with you._

Gavin’s head fell forward into his hands. “Yes,” he said miserably.

_Well, fuck._ “And…?”

Gavin shook his head, still covering his face in his hands. He heaved a shuddering breath. “He punched me.”

Despite herself, Vera’s mouth pulled into a smile. “Hm.” Her face fell just as quickly. _Sam is bleeding in the next room._

Gavin pulled his head up out of his hands. His face was splotchy, his eyes red and still glistening with tears. “Um…” He drew a hand through his hair. “I, um… can I go see Sam again?”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Vera said as she pushed herself to her feet. _I need to see Tori. I have to make sure she’s okay. That she’s really back._ “The blood will be, will be worse.”

“Oh. Um…” Gavin slowly pushed himself to his feet. He swayed and leaned on the counter, his face going pale for a moment.

“You good?” Vera said quietly.

“Um. Yeah. Just need to, um, have some water, I think.”

“And some food,” Vera said, remembering the blood drives she’d given to, years and years ago. “Sugar and protein. I’ll ask Lucy in a sec.”

Gavin looked mournfully at the discarded mask on the counter. “I can stand in the doorway, I guess. So I can leave if it’s, um, too much.” Gavin turned on the sink and washed his face, washed out his mouth. Cleaned the sink. “I feel bad for puking in their sink,” he said quietly.

“Not your fault.” Vera reached out to touch Gavin’s shoulder and halted at the last moment. Gavin turned his eyes to Vera’s and they swam with tears.

“Th-thanks.”

“No problem. Let’s go check on Sam.”

“No, I mean…” Gavin looked at Vera and held her gaze. She could read every emotion that ran across his face: guilt, hope, anguish, suffering, such a deep want for _love_ that the force of it made her chest ache. _Christ, dude. How did you ever fool your mother even once?_ She knew the answer before she even had to think about it. _Fooling your mother wasn’t the hard part. It was fooling yourself, convincing yourself that you were a Stormbeck again._ Gavin’s gaze fell and he stared at the floor.

Vera pulled him into a hug. He froze again, his arms hovering at his sides, as if making a move would frighten Vera. Then he relaxed and slowly wound his arms around her. He trembled as he hugged her. _“Thank you,”_ he whispered.

“Yeah,” she murmured, and squeezed him tight. She let him go and held him at arm’s length. He looked so… _young._ _Well, he’s only twenty-five,_ Vera thought dizzily. Only twenty five, and done so much. _Been_ so much. _He’s hurt every single one of us. And every single one of us pulled him back from the darkness and showed him another way to be. He was born a Stormbeck, but he’ll live a Uriah._

Vera paused, then turned to rifle through a cabinet. She pulled out a glass. “Usually I’d ask, but I think everyone else is busy,” she said under her breath. She filled the cup of water in the sink. Gavin took it from her with a look of gratitude and drained it.

“Okay,” Vera said quietly. “Let’s go check on Finn and Sam.”

Gavin nodded and reached for the hospital mask on the counter. He secured it over his face and followed Vera back to the garage.


	81. Hurts To Breathe

Watching Finn do surgery was like watching a nightmare happen in slow motion. Isaac kept his hand firmly on Sam’s leg, but his eyes kept drifting to where Finn was slicing Sam’s arm open over the bullet wound. Below the tourniquet, Sam’s arm was a mottled purple-and-white that made Isaac think of corpses. _I guess that makes sense,_ he thought. _There’s no blood happening in there._

He shook his head. _No blood happening._ He could barely stay on his feet.

He’d barely slept at all the night before. He’d been too busy solidifying the plan with Gavin and when their whispers had faded away to silence, they just laid together, breathing together. Isaac wasn’t sure if Gavin had been asleep for any of it. Isaac had been awake, burning, agonizingly aware of every inch of skin that was pressed against Gavin. Aching, from what Gavin and Leo had done to him. Fighting down the tears, knowing this would be the last time he’d get to be in bed with Gavin, knowing after this it would never happen again. Knowing he’d never get to _touch_ Gavin again, after what he’d done. Knowing he didn’t _deserve_ to, after what he’d asked for. Begged for. Maybe he slept. He could just barely remember dark punches of sound in his dreams, muzzle flashes, blood. Death. Maybe he’d slept, if he dreamt of his family dying.

Maybe he was still in one of those nightmares now.

Behind him, he heard someone stumble through the door. He tore his eyes away from Sam and turned to see Gavin and Vera walking in. Behind the hospital mask Gavin looked paler than usual, but better than before. Gavin stopped just inside the doorway and leaned against the wall across the room, his eyes fixed on Sam. He wrapped his arms around his chest and shivered.

Vera crossed behind Isaac to Lucy where she sat huddled in the opposite corner, watching her husband. Slow tears rolled down Lucy’s cheeks. Vera murmured something to Lucy. Asking for something, maybe. Isaac couldn’t hear, and didn’t want to try. He only wanted to see Sam, see them getting better. Lucy left the room.

Finn cut carefully. The bullet had gone clean through Sam’s arm. Hadn’t cavitated. Just straight through, with a small hole on either side. Sam’s eyes were blank, rolling slowly in their head, drifting, landing on something in the room, moving again. It was like their body was vacant. It was like Sam was miles away.

Finn breathed slowly as they concentrated, and cut. Trying to reach the bleed. Trying to reach the thing that would tell Finn if Sam was going to lose the arm.

 _I don’t think Finn can do an amputation here,_ Isaac thought, the words coming and meaning nothing. _Amputation._ Nothing meant anything right now. Isaac was here, and not-here, with Sam, and somewhere else. Somewhere he couldn’t describe, just felt. Somewhere distinctly _empty._

He’d seen death before. Seen blood. Seen the wounds bullets could leave when they tore through a body and left shredded flesh behind them. He’d seen how a knife could lay someone open when it was being wielded to _kill,_ not just torture _._ He’d seen what the body looked like on the inside. He’d seen what it looked like when something went so _wrong_ that the pieces couldn’t be put together again.

Watching that on Sam was agony he’d _never_ felt. _I was supposed to protect them._

His chest ached with every breath, with every heartbeat. The pain had to be from the bullet. It _had_ to be. The crushing feeling in his ribs, the feeling like he was being punched every single moment, it all had to be from the bruise that was still forming on his chest. There was something deeper, though. Something tearing deep inside him, deep inside the core of him. Something that surpassed any anguish he’d ever felt. _Am I watching Sam die? Am I watching Sam die?_

 _No._ They couldn’t be dying. They were getting blood, Tori’s blood. Gavin’s already ran through their veins, pumping through their heart. The blood would save them. And Finn. Finn would save them.

Finn cut deeper into Sam’s arm. More blood ran over the table and dripped onto the floor.

“I think I’m almost to the bleed,” Finn said softly, almost as if to themselves. “There’s, ah… there’s a _nerve_ in the way, I think. I d-don’t know what that… _shit_ …” Finn adjusted their hands. Sam shuddered and groaned softly.

“F-Finn?” Isaac croaked. “I th-think it’s… I think it’s starting to…”

 _“Fuck.”_ Finn looked at their gloved hands, covered with Sam’s blood, then looked over at the counter. “Isaac, can you… just bring the whole vial, and the syringe. Yeah. God, _fuck._ Topher, do you… are you alright if I just have that syringe needle out? I normally wouldn’t, but…”

“That’s fine,” Topher said weakly. Looking away from the wound in Sam’s arm.

“Okay.” Finn rasped as they took the vial and syringe from Isaac. Their fingers instantly left smears of blood on the glass and plastic.

As quickly as the ketamine had set in, it was wearing off. Sam’s skin went pale, paler, as tears rolled down their cheeks. They whimpered, and their right arm shifted on the table. Their _wounded_ arm.

 _“NO!”_ Finn screamed, dropping the ketamine on the table and grabbing onto Sam’s arm. Sam’s mouth fell open in a twisted scream.

Isaac lunged forward to pin Sam’s arm down. Pain flared in his chest. “F-Finn,” he gasped. “Finn. You… get that… _get that in them._ ”

Finn’s hands shook as they drew out more of the drug into the syringe. Sam strained against Isaac’s hands.

“I-Isaac,” they slurred. “Isaac, _please,_ what’s ha-happening, what’s… _ahh_ it hurts it hurts _it hurts it hurts_ …”

“I know,” Isaac whimpered. The blood congealing on Sam’s arm was sticky on his hands. “F-Finn’s gonna, gonna fix you up. Finn’s got more of the, of the ketamine…”

 _“No,”_ Sam sobbed, pulling harder on Isaac’s arm.

Ellis’s hand went behind Sam’s head, keeping their head turned so as not to disturb the needle in Sam’s neck. Their pleas rose to a wail, then a scream. The sound stabbed into Isaac’s ears, burned in his brain. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Finn,” Isaac whimpered. “Finn, _please_ …”

“I got it,” Finn gasped. They didn’t bother asking Ellis to move, just reached past them and stabbed the needle into Sam’s arm. Finn retreated with the syringe, breathing hard. Tears shown in their eyes. _“I’m sorry,”_ they whispered.

Every single second flared in Isaac’s chest as he waited for Sam’s pain to go away. Every breath hurt. _Every breath hurt._ Every heartbeat ached as Sam stopped begging with words and just _screamed._ Isaac’s knees buckled and he staggered. He looked up and Finn wasn’t even standing at the table. They had their bloody gloves off, standing at the counter, fiddling with something in front of them. Isaac couldn’t see it.

Isaac’s mouth was dry. “Finn, what—”

“Ketamine drip,” Finn snapped.

Isaac swallowed. “What—”

“Ketamine drip. To give them ketamine slowly, so th- _that_ —” Finn threw their hand in Sam’s direction and their voice broke “—doesn’t happen again.

“Uh…” Topher looked up at Finn with his own gloves smeared with blood. “Do you want me to—”

“Start another line, please,” Finn said weakly. “Hopefully their veins are better now.”

Isaac threw a glance at Tori. She looked dizzy. Pale. Sam still screamed under his hands. Vera stepped forward as if reading Isaac’s mind.

“Babe?” Vera said tightly, her hand going to Tori’s shoulder.

Then, finally, Sam began to relax. They stopped straining against Isaac’s hands. Their head dropped back against the table and their eyelids fluttered shut.

“Ugh,” Sam mumbled. Slowly, their eyes opened again. “Wh-why is there, um, the, the air looking like that?”

“Like what, Sam?” Isaac said hoarsely.

“Um…” Sam gestured weakly with their left hand, waving it through the air. “Like… uh… _whoa._ ” Their eyes focused slowly on their hand. “Uh… is that really there?”

Isaac glanced nervously at Finn as they injected a bag of fluids with more of the ketamine. He wet his lips. “Finn, what—”

“I can’t let _that_ happen again,” Finn said with a sob. “C- _can’t._ So. Ketamine drip. 250 migs of ketamine in 250 mils of saline, one mig per mil, Sam needs thirty migs per ten minutes be, because, because _that_ happened at around twelve. So, um… drip set of twenty drops per mil, twenty drops per mig, Sam needs, um, three migs per minute, so, um… three migs per minute with twenty drops per mig is…” Finn’s voice trailed off into silence. They stood frozen for a moment before they bent over the counter with a sob. “I… I can’t _think,_ it’s… god, _fuck,_ I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna do this, _I don’t wanna do this…_ ”

Ellis lurched towards Finn then stopped themselves short, their hand staying on Sam as if glued there.

Finn pressed their fists against their forehead. “Wh-why can’t I, I _think,_ this is _basic fucking math_ and I can’t do a, a simple goddamned _med calculation_ and I… fuck, _no_ …”

“Finn,” Topher said softly.

“…I can’t _do this,_ ” Finn moaned. “I’m not a fucking _surgeon,_ I’m just a fucking idiot with _ten fucking months of medical training_ and I… what if I… _no…_ ”

“Finn,” Topher said a little louder.

“…oh, god, what if I—”

 _“FINN!”_ Ellis barked from their spot at Sam’s side. Finn jumped and spun to look at Ellis. Ellis nodded at Topher. “I think he—”

“It’s sixty drops per minute, Finn,” Topher said, his voice shaking. “One drop per second. It’s a good calculation.”

Finn stood staring at Topher for a moment, trembling. Tears rolled down their cheeks. They gasped in a breath and turned back to the counter. “You’re right,” they whispered. “God, I’m sorry. You’re _right._ ”

“No problem,” Topher murmured. He tied an IV tourniquet around Sam’s arm and looked for another vein.

“You think we could get a regular stick on Sam and let the blood go in from there so they can turn their head?” Finn said, still at the counter gently shaking a small bag of fluids.

“Sure. Wide bore. They’ve actually got a good AC now.”

Lucy walked back into the room carrying bottles of water under her arm, and a plate of sandwiches. “I… um… they’re PB&J.”

Vera crossed to her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you,” she breathed. “Thank you so much.”

“Y-yeah.” Lucy’s eyes went first to Gavin where he leaned against the wall, shivering. She tentatively held out the plate to Gavin. Gavin took a sandwich with shining eyes, and left the garage to eat it.

Isaac turned back to Sam. They stared at him like they were looking at the ceiling through his head.

“Isssaac,” Sam slurred. “What’s…” They giggled weakly. “What’s going on?”

Isaac forced a smile. “Hey, Sam. How you doing?” It hurt to talk.

“I’m, I’m good,” they said. “I feel better. Did Finn fix it? Is it done?”

 _They’re going to be in so much pain when this finally wears off for good._ “Not yet. Almost there.”

“Can I see?”

Isaac squeezed his eyes shut. “N-no, Sam. Not yet. You can’t turn your head.”

“Oh.”

Isaac opened his eyes and looked down at Sam. His sibling, his _sibling_ was bleeding out on the table, their arm torn by a bullet that was meant for _Isaac_. It should have killed _him,_ but Sam had been standing in front of him, unprotected, and he’d been in a vest. He flinched as the memory took him over for a moment. The _bang,_ the spray of blood, the punch to his chest, the feeling of Sam falling against him. They hadn’t even screamed.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced away from Sam. Lucy stood at his side, holding out the plate of sandwiches and a bottle of water. He dipped his head and took the bottle, and a sandwich. “Thank you,” he murmured. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to eat anything. She nodded and moved on to Tori. He took a bite of the sandwich. Then another. The sandwich was gone so quickly Isaac wondered for the briefest moment if it had disappeared.

Finn returned to the table with the bag and some IV tubing in their hands. “How’s the line going?”

Isaac looked up dizzily and saw Topher finishing the IV in Sam’s arm. “Good,” Topher said.

_These are all good things._

He stopped trying to pay attention to what was going on around him. He just looked at Sam. He looked at Sam as the new line was attached to their IV, blood and ketamine going in at the same time. He looked at them as the needle came out of their neck. He pushed down on the spot when Finn told him to and held the blood in until it could clot. It did. That was good, too. He looked at them as their eyes lazed slowly around the room, the pain as absent from their body as Isaac had ever seen. Sam looked like they were barely there, their mind hanging onto their body by a thread that could be cut. Sam looked like they were drifting farther and farther away.

 _I’d rather them be gone than in pain right now._ Finn got back to cutting. Then stitching, pulling the muscle and skin of Sam’s arm together that had been torn, obliterated. Isaac tried not to look as Finn smeared superglue over the repaired tear in Sam’s artery. He tried not to look when Finn had Topher hold Sam’s arm up so they could repair the other side.

Sam heaved a deep sigh. Isaac’s eyes snapped to theirs, having wandered to watch Finn fix Sam.

“Isaac?” Sam asked thickly, as if their mouth was moving with no instructions from their brain.

“Yeah?” Isaac put his hand on Sam’s knee and squeezed.

“Do you still hate me?”

A chill rocked through Isaac, burning, freezing, tearing him apart from the inside, so much worse than the simple bruise on his chest. _“What?”_

“The things you said. About hating me and wishing I died.” Sam’s face was blank. Not from holding back emotion, but from there not being any emotion at all.

Isaac could feel eyes on him. His own eyes burned with tears and spilled over before he could stop it. “I…”

“I think they had you say that during the whipping so I would, um, believe it. So I wouldn’t be able to think that you don’t. But… do you?”

Isaac looked away, desperate for a minute, a fucking _minute,_ to hold down his sobs, push away his agony, so he could answer Sam the way he wanted to. With calm words and gentle reassurances. Not screaming in guilt and fury. Not falling to his knees. Not disappearing within himself, where those words would surround him and _punish him_ and insulate him from ever hurting Sam like that again. He needed a fucking minute, so he wouldn’t _break._ He needed some time.

His gaze landed on Gavin where he still stood slumped against the wall. Gavin had his hands to his mouth and was shaking with silent tears. _Gavin saw it, too, and he was the one who drew Sam’s blood as I said those things. He’s the one who heard every single one of them. He’s the one who took Sam away from me in the first place._

Isaac fell back a step from the table, shuddering. He wrapped his arms around his chest and squeezed. He gasped at the pain. Welcomed it. _I said those things because I was weak. I broke. I…_

_If I’d protected them from the beginning…_

_If I had died rather than beg them to come for me…_

_If I had been strong enough to_ kill _Gavin when I had the chance…_

_If I…_

_If I…_

_If I…_

_If I…_

Something in his chest cracked. Shattered. _Was that a rib, or something else?_ Did it matter? He was broken, he was _broken,_ and it was _his fault Sam was broken, too._

“Isaac?” Sam’s voice held a perfect innocence. Concern, weaving gently through his name.

A second wave of agony rocked through him, deeper. Raw. Cutting into the core of who he was. _I hated myself before I ever loved them._

Something shifted in him. Something he’d never even realized until that moment. _I hated myself before I ever loved them._ He took a step towards the table. His hand went back to Sam’s leg.

“No, Sam,” he whispered. “I never hated you. Not even once.” _I said that to save their life. I was going to break, to let them live, no matter how much it hurt me._

“Good,” Sam sighed, their eyes fluttering shut. “I thought so.”

This time Isaac did stagger and drop to his knees. He reached across Sam and clutched at their opposite shoulder as Finn kept working beside Isaac. He felt a small hand cover his and squeeze. He looked up. Sam looked at him and smiled.


	82. Chapter 82

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV, as requested

There’d been a muzzle flash, Sam was _sure_ of that. Everything else, though, they weren’t sure about at all.

“SAM! _NO!_ ”

Sam toppled to the floor in shock. _Did someone just hit me in the arm?_ Their right arm throbbed like someone had taken a baseball bat to it. Their mouth opened to make sure everyone was okay. The only thing that came out was ragged moan.

They couldn’t… _hear_ right. Their head buzzed with a feeling they’d gotten once when they’d passed out while sick. _Was that the pneumonia?_ They couldn’t remember. They’d remember later. The pain in their arm was growing. Spreading. Taking over their body.

_“…belt. Take everything off of it.”_

Something drilled into Sam’s arm and they gasped. They couldn’t feel anything in their body, nothing but the pain in their arm that clutched at them and dragged the air from their lungs. Something tightened around their arm. Tighter. Tighter. It was crushing them. Sam screamed. _Please,_ they tried to beg. _Please._ Their lips felt numb. They looked around, trying to see what was going on.

Blood. There was blood _everywhere._

_Oh, god, please no. Isaac was hit. Please, no…_ They opened their mouth again. Finn’s face floated above theirs. _HELP ISAAC! HE’S HURT!_

_“…for long. But we’ve got to move. Now, Isaac.”_

_Please, god, let him be okay. Please. Please._

The world swirled around them dizzily. They tried to get a hold on something, _anything._ _Where am I? Did we make it out?_ Their arm _hurt._ They tried to push the pain away. _It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay._ It was just pain. They’d had pain before. _But not like this._ Sweat broke out under their clothes. They tried to push themself up. Their limbs felt completely limp.

_“Isaac, can you walk?”_

Sam heaved a sob. _Please, please don’t let him die._ The sob rose to a scream as something moved under them, lifting them. Pain stabbed through their arm. _Make it stop!_

Sam pulled weakly against the hands holding them. Moving with them. _WHERE’S ISAAC?_ They cast their gaze around for him. Looking for _anyone._ They caught flashes: Finn’s chestnut hair, Tori’s dark skin. The walls moving past them. _Am I walking?_ They couldn’t feel if their legs were moving. They couldn’t feel anything but the pain. _I wonder if my arm is broken?_ Somehow this hurt worse than when they’d broken their leg.

Then, _outside._ The sun streamed onto their face, low in the sky, for the first time in weeks. _Is it the afternoon? Or morning?_ It had to be morning. That was the time they were going to get out. Sam had to assume they had. _Did we get everyone? Ellis? Gavin?_

Sam’s stomach lurched as they nearly toppled out of Finn and Tori’s arms. They cried out as the pain in their arm spiked again. It was getting worse. It _hurt._ They could barely think of anything else now.

Someone they didn’t know scooped Sam up and carried them again. Tears rolled down their cheeks. They reached for the pain in their arm, trying to feel where it was _coming_ from. It felt like it was coming from the _inside._ _Oh, god. Is this really bad?_ The sun disappeared, and they were laid on something soft, softer than anything they’d laid on since they’d been taken with their family. _Where am I?_ They felt like they were going to throw up.

Sam sobbed and pulled their hand away from their arm. It was wet. They turned their head to look at it. It was _covered_ in blood.

A chill shot down Sam’s spine. _Oh, god. This is bad._

They twisted against – it was a seat of a car, that’s it. The smell of blood was thick in their nostrils. _Please. Please tell me Isaac’s okay._ Finn’s face appeared above them again. It was wet with tears.

_“S-_ Sam, _oh, god, no, Sam…”_

_Oh, no._ Sam whimpered as terror burrowed its way into their heart. _Oh, no. Am I gonna die?_ They trembled against the car seat.

Isaac appeared over Finn’s shoulder, and Sam heaved a sob of relief. It twisted into a scream as Finn leaned their weight onto Sam’s arm.

_“Sam!”_ Isaac sobbed. The front of his vest was covered in blood. Sam’s heart clenched. _“Sam,_ no, _oh, god… Finn, can you…?”_

_“I don’t_ know, _okay?”_ Finn groaned. _“I don’t_ know. _I have… I have_ nothing. _I don’t have a damned thing that can fix this.”_

Sam’s eyelids fluttered. They were _freezing._ Bits of sound broke on their ears. They felt like they were spiraling down a drain somewhere. A flash of a memory shot through them: Gavin, holding the flame of a blowtorch to Sam’s skin as they screamed and thrashed against the ropes holding them to the chair. They’d had this exact same feeling then, too. The feeling of drifting towards blackness.

_“…Sam,_ please, _stay awake…”_

_I’m trying. I’ll try, for you, Finn._ They pulled themself back from the blackness, into where the pain was. They gasped and screamed through their teeth. It was too much. They were dragged back under into the dark.

Something jerked them back. The pain came back before anything else. The pain burned through their arm until it felt like a living thing, tearing at their flesh. Their sight tunneled back in. The feeling of the car moving under them. Then they could hear. The first thing they heard was the sound of Isaac sobbing. They dragged their eyes open. Isaac was leaned over them with a hand cupping their face.

_“Sam. Sam, I need you to… to_ hold on, _please…”_

_I can hold on for Isaac._ Strength surged through Sam for a moment, fighting back against the pain. Their clothes were soaked.

The warmth they’d felt for a moment slithered out of them, disappeared like water down a drain. Why were they so _cold?_ They slumped back against the car seat. Agony tore at their arm.

_Did I… did I get shot?_

The muzzle flash. The _bang._ The punch into their arm, so hard it threw them back against Isaac. _Oh my god. Did I get_ shot _?_ Sam whimpered. _That means Isaac got shot, too. He was directly behind me._ They forced their eyes open.

Isaac was leaned all the way across the seat. Isaac’s vest was still smeared with blood, but Sam couldn’t see any fresh blood on Isaac except for the blood on his hands. Which meant it was _Sam’s_. _If Isaac was hurt more than me, Finn would be fixing him. But they’re not. They’re fixing_ me. Sam swallowed down the bile that rose with the next spike of pain.

They couldn’t make sense of it. They couldn’t feel _anything_ in their body except the searing agony of the shot, and the crush of something on top of their arm. Their head spun as they looked up at Finn, who was leaning all their weight against Sam’s wound.

Sam opened their mouth to speak. “H—” A scream tore through Sam. “H-how—”

Sweat dripped off Finn’s forehead and onto Sam’s shirt. The blood soaked into their clothes and made them feel even colder. They shivered, and cried out as their cracked ribs protested. Their back. Their head. Those were small hurts compared to the one in their arm. They cried out in misery. They drowned in the pain. They retreated into themself. It took every bit of their energy to keep their lungs moving, keep their heart moving blood through their veins. Pumping blood out into the fabric of the seat. It took every bit of strength they had to not simply give themself over to the pain, let it crush them out of existence.

_Am I going to die from this?_

Finn didn’t have their bag. They weren’t starting IVs or putting on bandages or doing anything Sam thought they would be doing now. Finn was just leaning over them, putting all their weight onto the hole in Sam’s arm. Sam twisted against the seat.

Sam wailed and reached out for Finn with their uninjured arm. Their fingers clutched weakly at the vest Finn was wearing. They stared up at Finn desperately, terror twisting their face as they gasped, unable to speak. Finn looked down at them and shuddered. Tears dripped from Finn’s face.

_“I got you, Sam,”_ Finn rasped. They pushed Sam’s hair away from their forehead. It was soaked with sweat and blood.

Sam whimpered. “I… _ahh_ F-Fi—” Their head fell back and they screamed. They were _so cold._

The car moved under them, making them dizzy. Sam clenched their jaw and squeezed their eyes shut. _Please, please, I don’t wanna die._ They keened as Finn pressed harder. They felt the blackness rising up again, sinking claws into their skin and dragging them away from the pain. This time, they let it take them. They willingly slipped under.

They drifted in the black. They didn’t know how long, but it felt like seconds.

Arms moved beneath them and lifted from the car seat. Sam stirred and moaned as the crushing weight on their arm swelled and spiked again, driving a knife into their flesh, setting them on fire. They screamed in agony as they were carried from the car.

They shivered as they were carried somewhere else. They didn’t know where. They didn’t care. The ceiling spun above them and they were laid gently on a table. The metal sucked the heat out of them.

_Oh, no. They’re going to waterboard me again. Please… please, no…_ Their mouth dropped open to beg. Only a scream came out.

There were voices around them. Some they knew. Some they _didn’t._ _Were we taken again? Please… please don’t hurt us…_ They cried out brokenly against the pain. _IT HURTS…_

Finn’s face appeared above them. Sam’s hearing faded back in.

_“…know we’re not supposed to replace tourniquets, but…”_

The crushing weight on their arm loosened. They moaned with relief. Their lips trembled as they looked up at Finn.

_“P-please.”_ Their heart pounded weakly in their chest.

_“I got you, Sam,”_ Finn said. They sounded like they were on the edge of screaming. Something tightened around Sam’s arm again.

“P-please, don’t let me die,” Sam whimpered. “I’m s-scared, I d-don’t wanna die…”

_“I kn-know you’re scared.”_ Finn sounded scared, too.

Something tightened on Sam’s arm again. Sam sobbed as the pain crawled deeper into their body, their mind. They screamed and pulled away from the pain.

They didn’t exist. They _couldn’t._ Nothing was real, nothing but the agony in their body. Arm, back, ribs, it didn’t matter. It was all excruciating. It was all pain. Sam pulled away from it, somewhere else. Their skin flickered like it was about to disappear. Like _they_ were about to disappear. They drifted between here and not-here. The world existed, and it didn’t. Nothing existed but the pain, taking over them, consuming them, crushing them until they didn’t exist anymore.

_I don’t want to die. Please, I hurt and I’m scared and cold,_ please _don’t let me die. I want to be with my family. I want to be with Isaac. I want to be with Gray._

_Gray._ They hadn’t even thought of Gray in days. Gray, the soft, kind person who loved them all, guided them, cared for them. Sam didn’t know their parents, or any of their family, but if they had, they would have wanted them to be like Gray. Gray was their family. _I want to live so I can get back home to Gray._

Something touched them and they slowly drifted back, as if pulled to shore. They blinked their eyes open and saw Vera standing above them, her face wet with tears. _Vera. Please… I’m scared…_

_“I need to get this collar off you, Sam,”_ she murmured, gently brushing through their damp curls with her fingers. _“Okay? Gonna get the collar off.”_

Sam nodded. _Please. Please get it off me. They hurt me, they dragged me around by my collar. They chained me down and strangled me with it. They –_ she _– tortured me with it like I was her_ pet. _Please._

Vera’s hands fumbled at Sam’s neck. _They held me down with my collar as they beat me. Please take it off._ Tears streamed down their cheeks, pooled in their ears, dripped onto the table. The tool Vera had taken to the collar pressed against Sam’s throat. It was cold. _It feels like a knife._ Their eyes fluttered shut.

_I don’t want to die with the collar on._

They sobbed with relief as they collar fell off their neck and clattered onto the table. Vera pulled it away from their neck and hurled it away. Sam dragged in a breath, their first free breath in weeks.

Vera’s face was replaced my Finn’s. They gently turned Sam’s head to the side. Sam quivered against their hand. _Please help me, Finn. Please._

As Sam’s eyes slowly focused in and out, they realized what lay on the counter several feet away. Gauze, suture kits, scalpels, IV supplies. Isopropyl alcohol. They whimpered brokenly.

Vera moved to their side, partially blocking their view. She took their hand. _“They’re gonna fix you up, Sam.”_

_They’re going to do surgery on me. Right here. They’re going to cut me open._ “V-Vera,” they whispered. “I’m s— I’m _scared,_ th-they’re gonna, Vera, _please_ …”

_“I’m right here, Sam,”_ Vera said, her eyes desperate. She leaned forward and kissed Sam gently on the forehead. _“They’re gonna help you.”_

_But they’re gonna cut me open and it’ll be_ bad. _It’ll hurt. Please, please, I don’t wanna die, please just let me stop hurting…_ “It _hurts,_ ” Sam sobbed. Their head fell back against the table.

Something was opening up inside them, something that threatened to consume them. Something cold and dark and _hungry_ , growing bigger in them, threatening to pull Sam into the depths, somewhere they wouldn’t come back from. It was different from the blackness. This was destruction. This was _nothing._ It sucked at their insides and dragged the blood out of Sam’s veins. It trembled and yawned open. Ready to obliterate them. Ready to _end_ them. Desperately, they clawed for the light, the pain. The crushing annihilation destroying them from the inside out tore at their mind.

_“…gonna get you some blood, okay?”_

Finn. Finn could pull them back. Sam clung to their voice, desperate for something to hang onto, something to keep them out of the deepening cavern that loomed in them. _“But you’ve got to… you’ve got to keep your head still, alright, Sam? It’ll be a full needle, not like a regular IV. You’ll h-have t-to…”_

Sam latched onto the words. _Get you some blood._ The blood they felt cooling on their clothes, sticking to their skin… it was draining out of them. Killing them. But if they could just have more _blood…_ Isaac’s blood saved Gray’s life. _Isaac’s a different type than me. Then…_

“Wh-who…?” _Who’s going to give me their blood? Whose blood am I taking?_ Oblivion lapped at their soul.

_“Me, Sam,”_ Gavin murmured. Sam focused on him, standing at Vera’s shoulder. He looked so pale under a hospital mask he wore over his face. His eyes burned faintly with a shame Sam had never _seen._ _He blames himself. Please don’t, Gavin. This isn’t your fault._

_Gavin’s going to save me._

“G-Gavin…” Sam tried to thank him. To reach for him. Their hand was held tight in both of Vera’s. The pain took over again and they whimpered. They drifted. They stumbled along the edge of the abyss opening up inside them.

_I’m going to die soon._

They weren’t sure what was real. There was the pain, the pain was real. But the rest moved over and through them until all melted together into a mess of pain and screams. Sam fought to stay awake. They burned with thirst.

_“…wh-when Topher gets back, I’ll fix you up. He’ll have something for the pain.”_

“Are you going to…?” _Please, no, please don’t hurt me more…_ “Are you going to, to, to cut me open?” They sobbed. “Finn no, Finn _please,_ no, I’m scared, please d- _don’t_ …” _It hurts. It hurts._

_“I have to, Sam.”_ Finn sounded like they were on the edge of screaming. _“I h-_ have _to. You’ll bleed to death if I don’t. Or you’ll… if I don’t get that tourniquet off you soon, you’ll lose that arm. We_ have _to do this.”_

“H-have you done this before?” _They did the chest tube on Gray, but that was different. This is… god, please, no…_ They shivered. The core of _nothing_ inside them was getting colder. Freezing in their chest.

_“No,”_ Finn murmured.

_“No,”_ Sam said, despair crushing them. _I don’t want to die._ “I’m _scared,_ I’m… _Isaac_ …” They could feel the abyss dragging them under. They wanted to see Isaac before it took them. _I’m dying. I’m going to die from this._ Their eyes found his and they clung to his gaze, desperate for something, _anything,_ to pull them out of the depths. They were slipping along a slope with no purchase. They were tumbling into _nothing._

Then… something warm moved faintly through them. Pulling them up, instead of dragging them down. Pushing against the oblivion that threatened to devour them whole. The pain didn’t fade, the pain still ravaged them, but… they didn’t feel so deathly cold. They didn’t feel quite so much like they were going to stumble over the edge, into the depths.

Their gaze drifted from Isaac’s face, searching for something. It settled on _Gavin._ Gavin’s eyes locked with Sam’s. He looked just as desperate as Sam, just as lost, clinging to the edge of something with only ruination beneath him. Holding white-knuckled onto a chance for salvation.

_Gavin’s blood is saving me._

Sam sobbed in half-relief, half-agony. The cavern inside them was slowly closing, closing fading away to nothing. The pain in their arm threatened to overtake them and crush them again. A different kind of blackness rose up to meet them and pulled them down again. They disappeared under the cloak of it.

The pain dragged them back again. Their mouth fell open and they sobbed. _Finn said they’d take the pain away. They said they’ve give me something and fix me._ _Please help me please help me please help me…_

“F-Finn!” Sam’s chest heaved with each breath. The pain in their ribs spiked again and they sobbed.

_“Sam.”_ Finn sank to their knees and sobbed. _“I’m s-so_ sorry, _I t-tried, but… I… just_ let them hurt you, _I couldn’t make them stop, I’m sorry, I’m_ sorry _…”_

_Oh, no. They’re sorry because I’m going to die now. Please no… no…_ Isaac cried out above them. Sam clung to the warmth. _No, please, I can’t die. Please don’t take me away from Isaac. Please don’t… please don’t… please no…_

Then suddenly, the pain faded. Sam sobbed with relief as it floated away, wisps of it disappearing into the air. They could see it go, smoke rising from their arm like from a snuffed candle and floating away into the room. Where were they? They floated, here, not here, _nowhere,_ leaving their body behind as they lay still, still encased in it. Free of it. Their head spun.

“Finn?”

Finn’s head floated above them. _That’s weird. I feel like my head is floating, too. Is it connected to my body?_ The pain was gone. The pain never existed. They’d never been in pain at all. _“Yeah, Sam?”_ Finn rasped.

Sam sighed. “I f-feel… better now. Can we go home?” _Can I stay like this forever? I’m tired of hurting._ The air curled around them like a living thing. Sam felt like a god, an ant, separate from the air and sound, completely lost in it, swept away.

_“Not yet.”_ Finn smiled. The shape felt like tingles on Sam’s skin. _“Not yet. Still gotta fix you up.”_

_I am fixed. I’m perfect. I’m not here._ Sam shimmered at the edges. They were real. They were imaginary. “Wooow,” Sam managed, through lips that didn’t exist. “This is… um…” _This is amazing._ “…this is…”

Finn spoke again. Sam couldn’t hear it. They weren’t there anymore. They saw the words coming from Finn’s mouth, heard the sounds. It all meant nothing. What happened? They didn’t have a body. They were a soul. _Oh no. I died. Huh._ Sam wasn’t upset. Or they were? They couldn’t feel anything. They smiled, wider than they had in… seconds. Millenia. They stared at Isaac. He was the most beautiful thing they’d ever seen, their brother, strong and brave and so, so worthy.

_Don’t you know you’re worthy? I love you, Isaac._

And beside him, Gavin. Gavin, giving Sam magic blood. _I love him, too._

_Tori. Vera. Ellis. Finn. Gray. Isaac. Gavin. Edrissa. Tori. Vera. Ellis. Finn. Gray. Isaac. Gavin. Edrissa._

_We love each other, so much. We love the whole world._ They floated in circles. They could see everything, and nothing. Their arm didn’t hurt anymore.


	83. Chapter 83

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, now it's really the end XD book 3 is done!

Isaac tried to pay attention to what Finn was saying. He heard their words as they finished the final sutures on Sam’s arm. He caught snatches of what they said, bits of information that passed through Isaac’s mind without comprehension or reason.

_“…lacerated their brachial artery…”_

_“…heard combination sutures work best for attaching torn muscles…”_

_“…know if there will be lasting damage…”_

_“…just have to dump them full of antibiotics and fucking pray…”_

He could barely hear any of that. All they could focus on was Sam’s face. Sam was alive. They were going to be okay.

“Finn,” Isaac croaked. He realized too late he’d interrupted them in the middle of a sentence. “What about the pain?”

“Um…” Finn swallowed hard. “That’s going to be… um… difficult. We have a little more ketamine, but it won’t last long enough for them to start healing and have the pain a little relieved that way. It’ll just prolong the inevitable for an hour or so. And…” Finn’s hands shook as they snipped the final suture. “…it’s not good to keep them on ketamine for so long anyway. Can cause delirium and I have _no idea_ how to treat that.”

“So…” Isaac couldn’t tear their eyes from Sam’s face, from the glazed-over look in their eyes, from the way their cheeks looked almost pink now with the blood running through them from Gavin, Tori, and Vera. “So… they’ll have nothing for the pain at all? Until we get north?”

“If they let us reach the north,” Gavin muttered. Isaac cast a glance at Gavin. Isaac’s heart twisted at the bitter look of guilt in Gavin’s eyes, over the mask. “The northerners, I mean.”

“I have something I can send with you,” Topher said softly. “It’s not much, and it won’t take the pain entirely, but it’ll give them some relief. For a few days. How long do you think it’ll take you to reach… um… your people?”

“I don’t intend to stop driving until we get there,” Isaac said darkly, his gaze back on Sam. “It’s only about eighteen hours.”

“More, probably,” Vera said softly. “If we have to stick to back roads.”

“Speaking of which,” Lucy said, jumping to her feet from her seat in the corner, “I called some friends. They should be here soon with a fresh car for you. Seats seven, I think.”

Isaac let out a breath. “Thank you,” he murmured.

“No problem.” Lucy chewed on her lip. “They’ll take the St— the, uh, Collee— they’ll take the _other car,_ ” Lucy finished weakly. “They’ll get rid of it. Then they’ll report it when they ‘find’ it again.”

“Good,” Isaac croaked.

Topher passed two bottles of pills to Finn. “Penicillin from the office. And most of a scrip of Vicodin,” he said. “Left over from, um, my wrist surgery. I didn’t end up needing them. They should get them through the next few days. You, um, might want to give them one now, before the ketamine wears off.”

“Yeah,” Finn said as they gently touched Sam’s hair. “Isaac, will you—”

Isaac was at Sam’s side in seconds. He helped them sit up. Their head lolled on their neck. Ketamine still dripped into their IV

“’s it over?” Sam slurred, a brilliant smile on their face. “We going home now?”

Isaac kissed Sam’s temple, his insides quivering in something that felt suspiciously like _hope._ “Yeah, Sam,” he whispered. “We’re done. We’re going home. Finn fixed you up.”

Sam turned to look at Finn. Their left hand came up to touch Finn’s face. “I know,” Sam said softly. “I knew they would. I thought I was gonna die for a ssssecond, but you…” Sam planted a clumsy kiss on Finn’s cheek. “…you’re amazing. You’re an angel, Finn Dunham.”

Finn flushed a brilliant red. “I’m _not,_ ” they said softly. “But thank you for saying that, Sam. I need to give you some medicine now. Do you think you could take some medicine?”

Sam’s forehead twisted. “But you already made me better.”

“Y-yeah, but…” Finn wet their lips. “Soon it’s gonna start hurting again.”

Sam shrugged, a jerky motion with their shoulders up and down that made Isaac wince. “I feel fffine.”

The corner of Finn’s mouth pulled up for a moment. “I know,” they said. “But you won’t soon. Here. Please.” Finn checked the dosage and poured a pill of Vicodin and two pills of penicillin out into their palm. “Here, can… Vera, can I borrow your water for a second?”

Vera stood by Tori’s side, protective and worried. After Tori had finished giving blood, she’d retreated inside herself again. She hadn’t spoken since. Tears stained Vera’s cheeks.

“Um. Yeah.” Vera stepped towards Finn and held out her half-empty bottle of water. Finn took it, and Vera returned to Tori’s side as if drawn by a magnet.

“Open up, Sam,” Finn said gently. Sam’s mouth immediately fell open. Finn dropped the pills onto their tongue and held the bottle to their lips.

Sam’s right hand came up to hold it. Finn sucked in a breath and grabbed their wrist, guiding it gently back down to their side. “We really should find something to secure that arm with.” They held the bottle again to Sam’s lips and helped them drink. “I’ll look for some kind of sling when we’re done with this.” They tucked the bottles of pills back into their pocket.

Sam’s throat bobbed as they swallowed the pills down. Isaac’s heart lifted just a little as they looked at Sam, without a collar for the first time in weeks. It fell again as his gaze moved over the marks on Sam’s neck: the red, angry places where the skin was open and raw. The purple bruises from where they’d been jerked along by the collar. The fading yellow band around the top of their throat where they’d been strangled nearly to death. His eyes burned. He forced down a sob.

Sam’s eyes followed the bottles of pills. “W-wait,” they said, swaying a little. Isaac caught them and eased them back down onto the table. “Aren’t you…” Sam’s eyes drifted around the room. “Wooow. Do you see this, too? Or…” Sam giggled. “Ketamine is amazing. I want to have this again.”

“I’m sure you do, Sam,” Finn said with a smile. “Are you worried about something?”

Sam’s eyes snapped to Finn’s. _“Yes!”_ they said frantically. Their face relaxed a moment later. “Umm… why aren’t you giving Isaac any? He…” Sam glanced at Isaac. “He’s hurt, too. And…” Sam’s left hand shot out, almost hitting Isaac in the face. Sam reached for thin air. “And Tori! Tori’s hurt!”

“Neither are as bad as you, Sam,” Finn said gently, with only a little tremor in their voice. “These are just for you. Just for Sam.”

“Wow.” Sam grinned at Finn. “Just for me? Wow. You are so nnnnice.”

“You’re a goof, Sam,” Finn said, and brushed their curls off their forehead.

Isaac could barely look at Sam’s clothes. The entire right side of their body was soaked in now-congealing blood. It stuck to their skin. It stained the right side of their face. It was drying in their hair. “Um… could we maybe… get a new change of clothes for them?” Isaac asked over his shoulder to no one in particular.

“Yeah,” Topher said. “We’ve got a stash for people who come through here. We’ll get you all new clothes.”

Isaac looked around and realized they all had blood somewhere on them. He swallowed hard and threw a glance at Gavin. “Um…” He drifted away from Sam’s side. “Can we also have a few towels so we can clean ourselves up, just a little bit? Just so we—”

“Of course. Anything else at the moment?” Topher paused in the doorway to the house.

“Food and water,” Finn said from behind Isaac. “If it’s not too much… I’m so sorry, I don’t want to…”

“It’s alright,” Lucy said as she followed her husband out the door. “Really.” She disappeared into the house.

Isaac’s heart stopped at the sound of a car pulling up out front of the house. He turned and dashed towards the door to the house. “Lucy—”

She nearly collided with him. “It’s alright,” she breathed. “Just checked. It’s our friends. They’re the ones with the car. They’ll be here for a few seconds, no more. Don’t worry.”

Isaac fell back a step. “Thank god,” he whispered. His hands were shaking. He wrapped his arms around himself and shivered.

Behind him, Vera let out a breath. “I want to get this _fucking collar_ off me,” she hissed. She crossed to the counter where she’d left the large set of wire cutters. She held them up to the collar, fumbling as she tried to see what she was doing.

Isaac went to her side. “Here,” he said softly. “Let me.” He took the wire cutters from her. She stared at him with gratitude shining through her gaze. Her eyes filled with tears and spilled over as Isaac cut quickly through the leather. As the collar came away from her throat, she threw her arms around Isaac’s neck.

“Thank you,” she whispered. She trembled and Isaac held her tighter. “Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Isaac whimpered. “I’m… s-s—”

“I swear to fucking Christ, if you say I’m sorry, I’m going to punch you in the goddamned face.”

Isaac paused and pressed his lips together. He pulled out of Vera’s embrace and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “Fine,” he said heavily. “Not saying sorry.”

_“Good,”_ Vera said, fiercely. “None of that bullshit. No one in this room is to blame for _anything_ that happened.” Vera glanced over Isaac’s shoulder, and he was certain Vera was looking at Gavin.

Topher walked in with an armload of clothes and towels. “I don’t exactly have a wide assortment of sizes,” he said, ducking his head. “But these should work.” He set them gently on the counter. “I’ll um…” He glanced around the room. “Lucy and I will keep working on food for you. I’ll leave you alone to clean yourselves up.”

“Thank you,” Vera and Isaac said at the same time.

Isaac looked to Ellis and Tori, then Vera. “Um…” He shrugged and gestured towards the sink. “Do… um… do you three want to clean up first? Finn and I can clean Sam up here.”

Ellis nodded. They hadn’t moved from Tori’s side since she’d finished giving blood. “Yeah,” they said weakly. “Sounds… um… sounds good.” They threw a glance at Gavin.

Gavin flushed and turned around. “No, I can… I’m sorry. I can leave, if—”

“No,” Ellis said as they guided Tori across the room to the sink in the corner. “But if you look, I’ll…” Ellis grabbed a towel off the pile and turned on the tap. “I’d hate to have to kill you now.”

Gavin nodded, his nose in the corner. Isaac smiled faintly.

Ellis appeared at Finn’s side, holding the wet towel and a small pile of clothes. “Here you go, babe,” they said softly, and kissed Finn hard on the mouth. They lingered on the kiss. Isaac blushed and pulled the towel out of Ellis’s hands.

“Hey, Sam,” he said, reaching down to pull them up to sitting again. “We need to clean you up, then we’ll go.”

“Okay.” Sam sat up fast, the swayed. _“Awesome,”_ they whispered, their eyes fixed on nothing.

Isaac tapped Finn on the shoulder. Finn pulled away from Ellis with a loud _smack._ “Huh?”

Isaac pointed at the IV. “Should we still let them… um…?”

“We’ll keep it running while we clean them off,” Finn said. “And detach it to dress them. We’re going to want it running for as long as possible to give the Vicodin a chance to start working.”

“Okay.” Isaac held up the towel. “Sam, can I help you clean up?”

Sam’s head swiveled to meet Isaac’s gaze. “Hm?”

“I need to clean you up.” Isaac began to wipe the blood from Sam’s face.

“Why?” Sam asked, eyes blank over the towel.

Isaac pursed his lips. “Because you’re covered in blood, Sam.”

Sam’s head jerked down to look at themself. _“Whoooooa,”_ they sighed. “I _am!_ ”

“Yup. Hold still.” Isaac scrubbed at Sam’s face, their neck, their hair. The towel was already turning pink. He lifted their shirt up to clean their chest. His stomach roiled when he saw the bruises and marks under the shirt. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment. “Oh, god.”

Finn met his eyes as he pulled Sam’s shirt all the way off. Finn detached the IV for a moment while Isaac pulled the shirt off their arms, then immediately hooked it up again. Isaac scrubbed Sam’s skin as clean as he could, as quickly as he could. He tried not to look at the bruises. He tried not to think about what Sam’s _back_ looked like. He’d see in a moment, anyway.

Sam stared off into space as Isaac cleaned them. Every now and then they’d make random sounds with their lips. Isaac glanced at them, bemused. “What are you doing?”

“Prrracticing using my lipsss,” Sam said with a grin. “They aren’t there right now.”

“Hm.” Isaac scrubbed the blood from Sam’s arm. His touch became exceedingly gentle as he wiped the blood away around Sam’s wound. He looked away from the sutures there. He moved on to their other arm. He drew in a breath, and moved on to their back.

He felt a blade go through his heart as he saw the lashes on Sam’s back. The skin was open and red along the lines, black bruises surrounding the torn skin. Some of the lines were scabbed over, but some of them had been torn open again. He bit his lip and wiped blood away, trying to be _so careful_ around the lash marks.

“It’s okay,” Sam said cheerfully. “You’re cleaning my back, right? It doesn’t hurt.”

Isaac’s eyes squeezed shut as he wiped away the last of the blood he thought he could get with the towel. “I’m… I’m glad, Sam,” he rasped.

Sam reached out and touched Isaac’s shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked at Sam. Their eyes were dull with the ketamine, but still swam with something that made Isaac’s heart clench. He met their gaze and did his best to smile.

Sam smiled back. “I’ll have marks just like you,” they said softly.

Isaac crumpled to the side with a low cry, the air forced out of him as if by a punch. He bent over the table and buried his face in his arms. He felt a hand rubbing in circles on his back.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said quietly. “I… you’re sad. I’m sorry.”

“N-no,” Isaac said thickly, drawing himself upright. He reached for the clean shirt. “No. Sorry, Sam.”

Finn detached the IV again as Isaac eased Sam’s shirt over their injured arm, then over their other one, then over their head. Finn reattached the IV. The shirt was blue, Isaac realized slowly. Sam’s favorite color. The thought drifted through him, then back out.

He and Finn laid Sam back on the table and stripped off their pants. Their underwear were stained with blood, too, but Topher had only brought shirts and pants for everyone. The underwear would stay on. Isaac scrubbed away what blood he could and pulled on Sam’s clean pants. The clothes were at least two sizes too big for them. They swam in them. They looked so damned _young,_ so much younger than twenty, as they looked up at Isaac with their dark, warm eyes, made even warmer with trust and love. And ketamine. Isaac’s heart twisted. _I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. I’ll die first._ He pulled Sam back up to sitting.

Sam laughed. “Up and down,” they said, swaying slightly. “This is fun. It makes the air mooove ohmy _god._ ” They reached up to touch their own face. “Is this real?”

“I wish I had a video camera right now,” Isaac said as he ruffled their hair. It was still sticky with drying blood in places. “You’d probably hate me, though.”

Sam gasped, their eyes going wide, their mouth falling open. “I could… I could never… Isaac, is this… is this real? Did you just say that?”

“N-no, Sam,” Isaac said quickly. “It was a joke.”

Sam’s face darkened. “ _Not_ a joke,” they mumbled to themself. Their eyes unfocused. “This is… _weird._ ”

Vera approached Isaac in her clean clothes. “Go wash up,” she said gently. “You and Finn, and—” She glanced at Gavin. She stopped herself short and clenched her jaw tight.

_Gavin still hasn’t seen me naked,_ Isaac thought as his insides twisted. _It was always under a blanket._

“Um…” Vera bit her lip. “Maybe just you and Finn.”

“I can wash up inside,” Gavin said faintly. He grabbed a change of clothes off the counter and darted into the house. Isaac watched him go.

“Go wash up, babe,” Ellis said. “We can watch Sam for a moment.” Ellis shot a glance at Tori. Tori’s eyes were completely vacant. Not glazed over, like Sam’s. Tori was _gone._ Isaac shuddered. He followed Finn to the sink and stripped off his bloody clothes.

_How are we going to get Tori back?_ Isaac thought as he roughly scrubbed Sam’s blood off his skin. _Vera said it took her a long time to come back to herself. But was she… was she_ gone _then? When did she… wake up? When did she stop being so…?_ Isaac swallowed hard. _We have to get Tori back. We_ have _to._

Isaac reached for the shirt Topher brought and pulled it over his head. He practically leapt into his pants. _We’ve got to go,_ he thought with a stab of panic. _We’re still in Fort Meyers. We have hundreds of miles between us and any kind of friendly territory. We have to go. We have to GO._

Finn finished getting dressed beside him. Isaac glanced at them. His eyes fixated on the collar still around their neck. Bile clawed at his throat.

He grabbed the wire cutters and thrust them into Finn’s hands. “You and Ellis get those collars off,” he said gruffly. “I’ll start loading the car.” He glanced up at Vera where she stood glued to Tori’s side. Vera’s hands moved nervously over Tori’s shoulders, over her hair made wild with tangles. “Vera?”

“Sure thing,” Vera said, and pressed her lips against Tori’s forehead. She jogged to Isaac’s side, and they both went into the house. They met Gavin on their way in.

Vera grabbed Gavin’s arm. “Gavin, can you help us with carrying—”

“Yes,” Gavin said quickly. He followed them into the kitchen. Lucy and Topher had amassed a pile of food and bottles of water and were stuffing them into canvas bags.

“Oh, good,” Topher said, and gestured at three full bags. “Can you—”

“Absolutely,” Isaac said. He stepped forward and grabbed the nearest one.

His mind raced. He headed back to the garage. He opened the automatic door and walked through. Deposited the bag in the trunk of an unfamiliar, already-running car. Back inside for more. Back outside to place the bag next to the others. Finn and Ellis guided Sam to the car, half-carrying them as they stared, enraptured, at the sky. The sun was past its highest point in the day. The surgery had taken hours. Finn carried a larger bag of fluids now, running into Sam’s IV. No more ketamine. Just saline.

Back into the house. More bags. Back out. Vera passed him with Tori tucked securely under her arm, a bag in her other hand. He went back in for more. The counter was empty.

“That’s everything,” Lucy said. Isaac jumped slightly and turned to where she stood in the kitchen with Topher at her side.

Isaac’s vision swam. “Thank you,” he rasped. He cleared his throat. “Thank you. You… you saved Sam’s life.”

“It’s the least we could do,” Topher said shyly. “If… if C-Colleen Stormbeck is really… is _dead_ …”

“She is,” Isaac said. He looked at them both. “I… I hope you stay safe.”

“You, too,” Lucy said with a watery smile. “We’d go out and say goodbye to you all, but…” She looked at her husband. “You really should go. It’s not safe to stay any longer than you have to.”

“Well… th-thank you,” Isaac managed, his throat constricting in a sob. _Sam would be dead, if not for you._ He turned to go. He was silent as he walked back into the garage. He was so lost in his thoughts that he nearly collided with Gavin.

“S-sorry,” Isaac mumbled. “But they… ah…” He wet his lips and stared at the floor. “…that’s it. That’s all the bags. We should go.”

Gavin nodded. “Okay. But… Isaac…” Isaac raised his gaze to meet Gavin’s. Gavin stared at Isaac’s neck. “You’re still wearing the collar.”

A breath hitched in Isaac’s throat. He hadn’t even _noticed,_ with the preparations to leave, with the helping get ready, with being so worried about Sam. He didn’t want to think about the other reason he hadn’t noticed: he was _used_ to the collar now. It had been on his neck so long, he almost couldn’t remember how it felt to be without it. His lips trembled. “Oh.”

Gavin stumbled to the counter and grabbed the wire cutters from where Ellis or Finn must have left them. “H-here,” he whimpered. “Let… _please_ let me.”

Isaac went perfectly still as Gavin’s hand went to his collar. Gavin brought the wire cutters to the leather and started to cut his way through it. Isaac’s mouth was dry.

Gavin’s fingers were ice-cold, and they trembled as he worked. The cold steel of the tool on his throat made Isaac shiver. He searched Gavin’s face with his gaze.

Gavin’s eyes brimmed with tears. He didn’t look up from his task as he sliced through the leather collar, sliced through the collar his mother put on Isaac to torture him. _Humiliate_ him. To make him a plaything, something to be thrown into Gavin’s bed or tied down and _hurt_ when the mood hit Colleen to do so.

It was the thing that brought him protection, too. It was the thing Gavin used to keep him safe. _“I claim him. Isaac Moore is mine.”_ Gavin claimed him, to save him. According to every rule of this world, Isaac belonged to Gavin, now.

Gavin made the final cut, and the collar fell away from Isaac’s neck. Gavin let the collar and the wire cutters drop to the counter beside them. He met Isaac’s gaze for the first time. Gavin trembled, and agony twisted his mouth.

Gavin wet his lips. _“I release my claim on you, Isaac Moore.”_

Isaac whimpered. His head fell forward and his breath rushed out of him in a dry sob. He felt hands on either side of his face, guiding his head up. He shivered and raised his eyes to Gavin’s again.

_“I release my claim on you, Isaac Moore,”_ Gavin repeated. Tears brimmed in his eyes and spilled over. “I’m so…” The word strangled in his throat. “I’m so _sorry._ ”

“Please don’t,” Isaac whispered. He found his hands tangling in Gavin’s shirt. “Please don’t. Not your fault. It’s… it’s _not._ Please don’t blame yourself. You… _saved us,_ Gavin Uriah.”

Gavin drew in a shuddering gasp. “Oh,” he whispered.

Isaac pulled Gavin close until their bodies were flush together. Gavin’s hands never left Isaac’s face. Isaac leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Gavin’s, his eyes sliding closed. He felt Gavin’s breath on his face. He trembled and wet his lips. Tears burned in his closed eyes and slid down his cheeks.

“You know I…” Gavin swallowed hard. “You know I never… stopped…” Gavin whimpered. “You know I never stopped… right?”

Isaac pulled away and searched Gavin’s eyes with his. _“What?”_

“I…” Gavin trembled. Isaac’s gaze flicked down to Gavin’s lips, then up to his eyes again. Gavin whimpered, and his hands slid down Isaac’s neck, to his shoulders. “Um…”

“Isaac?” Vera called. Isaac started and leapt away from Gavin, his hands going up to his mouth. _She can’t see me with him. She can’t know how fucking_ disgusting _I am for wanting him the way I do. She can’t know that I feel something for him even though I… even though I…_

Vera walked around the corner and into the garage. “Gavin?”

Gavin looked up at Isaac with anguish in his eyes. Isaac’s stomach dropped.

“Guys, we’ve gotta go,” Vera said urgently. “Is there anything else we need to get?”

“No,” Isaac murmured, and turned to go. “Sorry. Just wanted to get the collar off.”

Vera stared at Isaac for a moment. He watched her as she searched for something. Calculated something. Her gaze flicked to Gavin, then back to Isaac. Isaac felt dissected under her gaze.

“Okay,” she whispered. “Let’s go.”

Isaac followed her out of the garage with Gavin right behind. He climbed into the middle seat, the front seat still saved for Gavin. They all still smelled faintly of blood.

Vera jumped into the driver’s seat and tore away from the house. Isaac looked behind him, searching for Sam. They sat slumped in the back seat next to Finn. They were smiling.


End file.
